We’ve all been there. Breakups, unrequited love, scorned — basically at the lowest of lows. It’s not fun, it’s not enjoyable, and it’s the last place you want to be. Trust me, I’m very familiar with that place, and I’d much rather be stuck in a three or four hour line at Disneyland for a ride over a bottomless pit of despair.
But what I’ve come to learn upon visiting this place, is not to wallow in self pity, sadness, and depression for long. Rather, I give myself the time to mourn, the five stages of grief at its finest. First there’s “denial” — it can’t be real, I’m just going to call or text them tomorrow and everything is going to be fine. No, it’s not. And no, do not text them. The second stage is “anger”: how could they do this to me? I did nothing wrong! I was the best thing they ever had! Followed by “bargaining”: Maybe if I lose a little weight, they’ll come back. I should let them know I’m going to change this about myself; from my hair, to my clothes, whatever they want I’ll change so they can take me back. Fourthly, “depression” follows, where the tears, bed-ridden, motionless days come in and you just don’t want to do anything. In fact, you’ll let the satisfaction of depression succumb you and take you whole.
The most beautiful aspect of the five stages of grief comes last. I know, it’s definitely not ideal and in reality we all wish we could just experience it and move on, ignoring the formers. “Acceptance”. It’s wondrous, gorgeous, and up-lifting. It gives you the power surge you never thought you’d feel again. But most importantly, it gives you the understanding that there is life beyond the grief — the person — and you can get up, shake the dust off, and move on.
It’s healthy to let yourself experience the five stages of grief. Whether it be someone you love dying — or this example of a relationship falling out. Whatever it may be, don’t go through it alone. I was a strong believer in the idea that you’re selfish if you share your problems, your heartaches, with your friends and family. Because they have problems too, and they don’t deserve to carry your burden. I was 100% WRONG. I realized it’s not selfish. Being selfish is doing harm to others, and laying down your hurt and vulnerabilities to those you trust and love isn’t being selfish: it’s being caring and open. It’s laying that wound out for them to take a look at like a surgeon, thinking over the best way to help stitch you back up and send you on the road to recovery and beyond. It’s healing and letting that scar get all pink and puffy, fresh from the stitching, fading into your skin and becoming another piece of your armor and body. It’s a reminder to keep persisting and fighting a battle you continuously go through. It’s going through “No Man’s Land” not knowing where the bullet is going to come from, what angle that sniper may be shooting at, and blocking it.
So to all my equals out there, it’s going to get better. You’ve heard it countless times before, but I hope that these words of mine have been some sort of encouragement. Not only that, but I’ve comprised a list of songs to help you through the pain — this is something you listen to in the “acceptance” stage and happily burst into dance around your room. It’s going to have you “shake it off”, understand where you’ve come from, and to embrace your “freedom”.
So take your time, breath out, and put one foot in front of the other. You’re going to go places, and grief will be another distant memory. The chinks in your armor, they’ll get stronger. And you will be invincible.
The “Invincible” Playlist
1. The Cure by Little Mix
2. Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
3. Freedom ft. Kendrick Lamar by Beyonce
5. Morning Light by Josh Garrels
6. Found It In Silence by Haim
7. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things by Taylor Swift
8. Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
9. To Be Human ft. Labrinth by Sia
10. Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan
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