"..."

hi.....this blog is just trauma dumping at its finest

[spawnsjournal]

Alright so, I decided to read a few articles for a moment (I read kinda fast since of said topics I have a small understanding of them already but I wanted to understand it better)

Alright

First: I've noticed I do have some gaps in memory (not long but I can't remember most of my childhood without being told about it unless it was a good memory) but I don't believe I have D.I.D tbh.

Second: I'm sure I'm still grieving over my grandma and her sister's death since they both died due to cancer(grandma was brain to lung and I believe her sister's was lung, they both smoked btw) probably in-between bargaining, depression and anger because I've been have more suicidal thoughts recently, more pissed off, and hoping I did more for them and wasn't so pissed to help them out.

Third: I know I'm not mentally stable. I'm already in therapy but I don't trust my therapist because I know she could back stab me and tell my mom about everything I talked about so that's why I only talk about school. I don't want to be sent to a mental hospital because I don't feel like that's necessary but my mom might send me there.

Fourth: I feel more comfortable online than I'm in real life, probably has to do with all emotional and mental abuse I got(probably, I'm not sure it was mostly arguing and my brothers one attempt at suicide) so I'm probably trying to distract myself from my own problems which isn't a good thing I believe?

Fifth: my personality changes honestly, I thought that was normal and I still do but I'm not sure anymore.

Sixth: I'm probably going through an identity crisis at the current moment since I'm figuring out too much at once which is probably overwhelming me(+ school) and I'm glad I'm figuring these out even though it's overwhelming to me.

Seventh: the amount of shitty thoughts and shit I've thought/said about myself is probably catching up to me and I'm actually believe it.

I believe that's all I have currently

Tags(believe you two should know about this shit, idk I'm stupid-)

@anonw1 @thatonedevoloper (sorry for @'s)

I'll probably not reblog this post just pin it so if you two want to talk to me about it, just send an ask over

[spawnsjournal]

Hey, asking for a genuine friend here, is it normal to hear two voices imitating the voices of your family arguing or should get some help.....

This has happened to me a while back and I need an answer to this, it's pissing me off just thinking about it since I've heard(?) voices as mumbled or muffled before 💔

[spawnsjournal]

I need to calm the fuck down oh my fuck god

[spawnsjournal]

I'm going to feel so I'll after this oh my fuck

[spawnsjournal]

Better not be fucking dead right now.

Please we just got out of school

[spawnsjournal]

Going on here to say this.

I miss my repeat dreams. I miss the comfort they bought me and the adventure it was to figure out what happened after I woke up.

War, comfort, flowers, lab, void, whatever

I only had two but now its 4.

It's quite crazy for myself to be chasing those dreams again but you have to hear me out-

I remember one was with a character I actually drew(will redraw) and they brought me comfort in my rest. Don't know how nor why, but it was nice.

Although the one with war wasn't so pleasant since I keep having that dream from in a train with other people to my own death(where i wake up at).

I've told someone about this in my family and they said it was most likely past lives or a memory the brain is trying to recall.

That's enough from me

[spawnsjournal]

I'm no longer talking to my brother.

I don't care if he's my own blood.

He's going to harm me one day and I don't care if he has issues.

I have the same problems as him and I don't act that way.

I'm done.

I'm fucking done with him.

[spawnsjournal]

Sweaty, needa get home

[spawnsjournal]

Currently outside by my school, no where NEAR MY HOME

[spawnsjournal]

Holy overreaction

Calm down Soren

[spawnsjournal]

They better not be gone.

[spawnsjournal]

Don't have my sketchbook nor a pencil so I shall draw w/ a pen in my school sketchbook

[spawnsjournal]

5 more days

Should be none

[spawnsjournal]

Hello my choir

I live yet again to another unfortunate day

[spawnsjournal]

There's a likely chance I'll get rid of this app until schools over or my birthday.

If I don't I'm dead

There's no hope for me so I won't bother anyone anymore.

Asks will be closed forever, on this blog and my main.

I do not want to be remembered.

Not at all.

Should've never made this acc

[wrenthedelusional]

please don't do anything you'll regret dude, theres many people who care about you and if you don't think theres any you have me

I love you dude/p

[spawnsjournal]

Currently in school so I shall cry and think about this all day.

We may not interact much but I do check up on ya(and others) a lot since I'm worry too much for my health.

Love ya as well/p

[spawnsjournal]

There's a likely chance I'll get rid of this app until schools over or my birthday.

If I don't I'm dead

There's no hope for me so I won't bother anyone anymore.

Asks will be closed forever, on this blog and my main.

I do not want to be remembered.

Not at all.

Should've never made this acc

[spawnsjournal]

You idiot you can't end it now.

Remember yesterday?

Wouldn't she be so upset that you're gone?

[spawnsjournal]

There's a likely chance I'll get rid of this app until schools over or my birthday.

If I don't I'm dead

There's no hope for me so I won't bother anyone anymore.

Asks will be closed forever, on this blog and my main.

I do not want to be remembered.

Not at all.

Should've never made this acc