(ë´ ěě ) about me: i'm sienna, a 19 year old spanish girl who's been into writing for longer than 4 years and is beyond excited to post her art into this account. i will be writing mostly about chan from stray kids since he's my ult bias!
(ěŹë) interests: stray kids (bangchan ult bias), twice (jihyo bias), nmixx, sunmi, attack on titan, nana, the marias, harry styles, billie eilish, fointaines dc, weak hero, shifting, alice in borderland
warnings: curse words, mentions of partying, drinking and smoking.
read masterlist here
while she picked up the dishes from the table, she could hear her friends talking about the party they were going to attend that same night. sana laughed while telling the girls about the outfit she was going to wear.
sienna only smiled from the kitchen as she listened to their jokes while washing the dishes. sana carried a couple of dirty plates into the kitchen and left them on the counter before leaning against it.
â iâm assuming youâre not coming.
â good guess. â the smaller girl smiled. when she turned around, she saw sanaâs expression, watching her expectantly. sana didnât have to say anything for sienna to know she was about to beg and try to convince her. â donât even try...
â please, please, please!
â sana...
â just for a little while, please! â she pouted. â iâll buy you a drink.
â you know perfectly well i donât drink. â she replied. â besides, i have to study. i have an assignment due next week.
sana sighed and walked to the table to grab the dirty cutlery. she placed it beside sienna again and sat on the counter. â itâs just one day. youâll enjoy it, you donât even have to drink alcohol or dress up. just come, forget about university for a bit. you spend all day studying and you need a little distraction. besides, if you donât like it, weâll both come home, okay?
â sana... parties just arenât my thing. going out tonight also means losing sunday morning, and i already told you i need to study a lot if i want to do my assignments properly. â sienna replied. â if thereâs a party during winter break, i promise iâll try going out with you. but for now, let me focus on university.
sana sighed. â fine, but weâre going out together in winter. â she said. sienna answered with a smile and sana mirrored it, rolling her eyes as she started to leave the kitchen, though she stopped midway. â by the way, can i borrow your..?
â take whatever you want, sana. â she interrupted.
â i love you! â the older girl shouted while running toward siennaâs room. she laughed quietly at sanaâs excitement and continued with her task: washing the dishes.
not long after, the girls were gathered on the couch, chatting and laughing while the ones who were going to the party pregamed. sana tilted her head to rest it on siennaâs shoulder, nayeon was busy touching up her makeup, and chaeyoung was occupied playing the guitar for the rest of the girls.
sana sighed, already affected by the alcohol. â sienna... i miss you when you donât come to parties...
sienna laughed softly as she looked at her. â donât drink any more. â she warned. mina, the only one in the group who didnât drink alcohol, laughed and stood up from the couch.
â girls, letâs go already. â she said, making all of them react within seconds.
less than ten minutes later, sienna was already alone in her apartment, looking for her laptop so she could start studying. after all, she still had an hour until midnight that she could use to improve her productivity.
once she was satisfied with her work, she decided to close her laptop and notebooks, organizing everything so she could study the following morning. she went through her usual nightly routine and went to bed peacefully.
â 52%? â chan asked as he looked at the grade on his assignment. he had tried hard, he had asked his friends for help to figure out what he was supposed to do, he had gone to the library for several days to hand in decent-quality work; something that wasnât like him at all. â what the fuck...
â are you going to give me my pen back? â asked the girl from a few days ago.
he looked at her and frowned, not understanding the question for a few seconds. then he processed it and realized what she meant.
â ah! yeah, yeah... it must be around here somewhere. â he muttered, pretending to look for it. he knew perfectly well that he had lost it, but maybe if he put on an act, the girl wouldnât get mad. â uh... shit, i think i left it at home.
she laughed. â donât worry. can you bring it tomorrow?
he nodded and went back to staring at the result of his assignment on the computer screen. being the impulsive guy he was, he suddenly spoke again. â what grade did you get?
she looked at him strangely, not understanding why he was asking that to a girl he had just met. â uh...
â no, sorry, itâs just... i got 52%. i mean, my assignment wasnât perfect, but i donât know, i thought at least 70%...
the girl sighed. â did he leave you any comments on the essay?
â what essay? â chan asked, looking at her. she laughed and turned back around again. chan sighed and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. â fuck...
when he checked the assignment criteria, he realized there had been an essay section to the assignment that he hadnât handed inâor even written, honestly. wanting to become an artist in the future, he couldnât afford grades that mediocre. because of that, he spent at least thirty minutes trying to convince the professor, whose name he didnât even know, to let him hand it in again the next day, using the excuse that he had arrived late and none of his classmates had warned him about the essay. on the condition that the highest grade he could receive would be 85%, the professor reluctantly agreed. the moment he said that final âyes,â chan grabbed his things and ran toward the campus library. he stopped at the entrance to catch his breath and, once he was a little more composed, walked inside.
he took the same empty seat, sitting beside the girl from before, who apparently had also assigned herself a permanent spot. as usual, he took the chance to charge his laptop. it didnât take long before he opened it and started the essay, putting on his headphones to get a little inspiration.
music was his life; it had been his dream since he was little. when he lived in australia, his parents had tried every possible way to get him into any company, but he had the bad luck of never being chosen. that was exactly why he moved to korea when he was barely thirteen years old, searching for the one thing that could truly fulfill him, sacrificing everything for that dream. thanks to his familyâs support, he managed to feel at peace with his life away from australia; even though he missed it, he had family in korea who helped him get closer and closer to his dream. several companies became interested in him now that he lived abroad, but chan wasnât satisfied with the bare minimum. too many rules, conditions, punishments. he needed creative freedom, he needed to express himself through art without someone hovering over him, watching every step he took, every calorie he consumed. that was why he decided to finish his studies in korea and start studying music production at the most prestigious university in all of seoul.
he wasnât good at writing essays; he wasnât good at writing at all. words came to him in the form of poems, song lyrics he couldnât wait to release someday. prose didnât appeal to him; it wasnât his thing and it never would be. when he was younger and imagined this moment, he pictured himself playing instruments and writing songs day and night, not writing essays or learning about the history of music. however, he would do anything to satisfy his seven-year-old self, who saw a future the first time he touched a guitar.
unsure about how to spell a word in english, since the class was taught in that language, he frowned and tried to remember. it wouldâve been easy to search it online, but, being the impulsive guy he was, his hand was already tapping the shoulder of the girl beside him before he could even register his own movements.
sienna turned to look at him, but they didnât exchange a single word. chan simply pointed at the word he wasnât sure about and looked at her. she read a bit of the sentenceâs context and shook her head. without thinking much about it, she placed one of her hands on chanâs keyboard, erased the word, and typed it correctly.
â thanks. â chan murmured. she nodded and focused on her work again.
it was 9:00 p.m. when sienna decided to leave the library. even though she wasnât satisfied with her studying, she had to go home to do a couple of chores. sana was already waiting for her outside. the moment she saw her, she pulled her into a tight hug.
â sienna! how did it go?
â good, it was a calm day. â she replied with a smile. â what about the party on saturday? how was it? â she asked, watching sana laugh and hook her arm around hers as they started walking toward the apartment.
â good, good. i donât know. i think we had a blast. i donât really remember much either. â she laughed. â hey, look at that guy.
when sienna followed sanaâs gaze, she saw that she was looking at the boy from the library: the one with the terrible spelling, the one who sat beside her so he could charge his devices. sienna hummed and started speaking. â he has terrible spelling.
â do you know him?
sienna shook her head. â no, but he sits near me in the library.
â oh. he was at the party. â sienna looked at sana. â i remember him because his friends started causing trouble. i donât know, one had green highlights and another one was really tall. there were, like, seven of them, and they wouldnât stop making noise and bothering girls.
â him too? â sienna asked, but sana shook her head.
â not that i remember. i donât even think i saw him laugh. i just know he was there with them, smoking weed and drinking like crazy.
sienna sighed. â as long as they donât get close to you...
it's not x reader if your fic character has a name bruh
hi! my apologies! i didn't know x reader wasn't compatible with mc having a name. i'll change it asap. i haven't really been around fan fiction much so i'm still kind of foreign to these terms. thanks for letting me know though!
also, as i said, please be kind when you do constructive criticism! i'm just starting to learn this stuff since i've never posted here before.
after three snoozed alarms and two shouts from his roommate, chan finally woke up. he moved slowly, barely awake. as always, the first thing he did was check his phone, seeing the time: 8:39. fuck. he had ten minutes to get to get ready.
he jumped out of bed and started shoving everything into his backpack in a hurry, messing everything up in the process. he grabbed a few random clothes and threw them on as fast as he could; after all, why would it matter? they were all black anyway.
â shit, shit... â he muttered while running toward the living room. felix looked at him, laughing softly. â donât laugh! fuck...
he quickly put on his sneakers and checked that everything in his backpack was there.
â do you want breakfast? â his friend offered, but chan shook his head. â brush your teeth!
â yeah! â chan answered, running to the bathroom to freshen up a little before class. not long after, he rushed toward the door, where felix was waiting for him. he gave the blond a smile and opened the door so they could head to class together.
â youâre a mess.
a little while later, while felix was already in his respective class, chan was running toward his classroom, which was in a building farther away. he cursed himself as he approached the room, stopping for a few seconds to catch his breath before abruptly opening the door and drawing everyoneâs attention to himself.
he apologized to the professor and climbed the stairs to reach a seat at the back of the lecture hall, then pulled out his laptop and tried to keep up with the class, since he had missed ten minutes of explanation. heâd have to go back to the library today.
chan rummaged through his things, trying to find his pencil case.
â fuck... â he muttered, realizing he had probably left it at home because of how rushed heâd been. he sighed, trying to stay calm. after thinking about it for a moment, he decided to lean forward and tap the shoulder of the girl sitting in front of him. when she turned around, chan looked at her awkwardly. â uh... do you happen to have one of those to spare? â he asked, pointing at the pen in her hand. she lifted another identical one, just in a different color. â yeah, that one.
she nodded and handed him the pen, which chan took happily, thanking her quietly before sitting back down with a sigh.
hours later, he was walking toward the library. since it was friday, his friends had skipped class to go do the same thing they always did: smoke, drink, and talk shit about the women they slept with.
at 5:00 p.m., sienna had just arrived at the library. since it was friday, she would only spend three hours studying. she walked down the aisle until she reached her spot, the same one as always. she took out her things and started studying. today she had to work on her writing assignment: she needed to write a 500-word essay. fifteen minutes after she had started, the door opened again, revealing the same blond from a few days ago. she didnât pay much attention to him, simply continuing to work on her essay.
the blond ended up sitting beside her once again; this time he didnât ask, he didnât even look at her. the outlet was free, and he used it immediately. she, not caring much about his presence, buried herself back in her papers. she had to finish the draft before 5:30 p.m.
two hours later, sienna realized she didnât have much left to finish. she leaned back in her chair and let out a sigh. she couldnât help glancing at the blond guyâs laptop; she didnât do it on purpose, she didnât want to be nosy, but she couldnât stop the words that slipped from her mouth in an almost inaudible whisper.
â itâs âyouâre,â not âyour.â
chan kept typing as if nothing had happened; his headphones were too loud and he couldnât hear her. however, he did notice an expectant stare on him, which made him turn to look at her. he took off one earbud and looked at her carefully, frowning.
he didnât seem to understand her very well, because he kept staring at her without saying anything. after a few seconds of silence, he looked at his paper and then back at sienna again.
â huh?
sienna sighed and, instead of speaking again, wrote the corrected word with a very brief explanation on a scrap piece of paper. the blond nodded and muttered a thank you before correcting the word with a huge scribble, something that visually pained sienna. it didnât take long for her to sink back into her own essay; finally, sheâd be able to finish it in peace.
sienna was used to following the same routine over and over again; it wasnât very exciting, but it gave her a sense of security she couldnât even begin to describe. on the way out, sana picked her up again so they could walk together to the apartment where sienna lived. afterwards she had dinner, brushed her teeth, and allowed herself the luxury of putting on a movie on the couch since it was the weekend. even so, she promised herself that when the clock hit eleven oâclock she would turn off the television and go to sleep so she could be properly rested for tomorrow.
chan, on the other hand, after coming back from the library, met up with his friends to do the same things they always did: smoke, drink, and talk shit about the women they slept with. though, he left his backpack at his apartment before going to avoid awkward jokes from his friends.
â chan! â changbin smiled. â where were you?
chan simply shook his head and took the cigarette from hanâs hand before sitting down and taking a drag. he didnât owe them any explanations. he knew changbin would forget his own question within seconds; not because he was forgetful, but simply because he didnât care enough about chanâs life to remember heâd been missing for half the afternoon. and chan liked it better that way.
he wasnât much of a fan of smoking; he hated the smell of tobacco and it didnât really do much for him either. at least it relieved his stress, and that was something he desperately needed lately.
â we should go partying! â hyunjin exclaimed.
chan looked around, watching them all smile and nod like idiots. he sighed and tried to smile back, though all that came out was a weak grimace without the slightest bit of conviction. not that it mattered much anyway; the guys wouldnât pay enough attention to chan to notice. and chan liked it better that way.
after three snoozed alarms and two shouts from his roommate, chan finally woke up. he moved slowly, barely awake. as always, the first thing he did was check his phone, seeing the time: 8:39. fuck. he had ten minutes to get to get ready.
he jumped out of bed and started shoving everything into his backpack in a hurry, messing everything up in the process. he grabbed a few random clothes and threw them on as fast as he could; after all, why would it matter? they were all black anyway.
â shit, shit... â he muttered while running toward the living room. felix looked at him, laughing softly. â donât laugh! fuck...
he quickly put on his sneakers and checked that everything in his backpack was there.
â do you want breakfast? â his friend offered, but chan shook his head. â brush your teeth!
â yeah! â chan answered, running to the bathroom to freshen up a little before class. not long after, he rushed toward the door, where felix was waiting for him. he gave the blond a smile and opened the door so they could head to class together.
â youâre a mess.
a little while later, while felix was already in his respective class, chan was running toward his classroom, which was in a building farther away. he cursed himself as he approached the room, stopping for a few seconds to catch his breath before abruptly opening the door and drawing everyoneâs attention to himself.
he apologized to the professor and climbed the stairs to reach a seat at the back of the lecture hall, then pulled out his laptop and tried to keep up with the class, since he had missed ten minutes of explanation. heâd have to go back to the library today.
chan rummaged through his things, trying to find his pencil case.
â fuck... â he muttered, realizing he had probably left it at home because of how rushed heâd been. he sighed, trying to stay calm. after thinking about it for a moment, he decided to lean forward and tap the shoulder of the girl sitting in front of him. when she turned around, chan looked at her awkwardly. â uh... do you happen to have one of those to spare? â he asked, pointing at the pen in her hand. she lifted another identical one, just in a different color. â yeah, that one.
she nodded and handed him the pen, which chan took happily, thanking her quietly before sitting back down with a sigh.
hours later, he was walking toward the library. since it was friday, his friends had skipped class to go do the same thing they always did: smoke, drink, and talk shit about the women they slept with.
at 5:00 p.m., sienna had just arrived at the library. since it was friday, she would only spend three hours studying. she walked down the aisle until she reached her spot, the same one as always. she took out her things and started studying. today she had to work on her writing assignment: she needed to write a 500-word essay. fifteen minutes after she had started, the door opened again, revealing the same blond from a few days ago. she didnât pay much attention to him, simply continuing to work on her essay.
the blond ended up sitting beside her once again; this time he didnât ask, he didnât even look at her. the outlet was free, and he used it immediately. she, not caring much about his presence, buried herself back in her papers. she had to finish the draft before 5:30 p.m.
two hours later, sienna realized she didnât have much left to finish. she leaned back in her chair and let out a sigh. she couldnât help glancing at the blond guyâs laptop; she didnât do it on purpose, she didnât want to be nosy, but she couldnât stop the words that slipped from her mouth in an almost inaudible whisper.
â itâs âyouâre,â not âyour.â
chan kept typing as if nothing had happened; his headphones were too loud and he couldnât hear her. however, he did notice an expectant stare on him, which made him turn to look at her. he took off one earbud and looked at her carefully, frowning.
he didnât seem to understand her very well, because he kept staring at her without saying anything. after a few seconds of silence, he looked at his paper and then back at sienna again.
â huh?
sienna sighed and, instead of speaking again, wrote the corrected word with a very brief explanation on a scrap piece of paper. the blond nodded and muttered a thank you before correcting the word with a huge scribble, something that visually pained sienna. it didnât take long for her to sink back into her own essay; finally, sheâd be able to finish it in peace.
sienna was used to following the same routine over and over again; it wasnât very exciting, but it gave her a sense of security she couldnât even begin to describe. on the way out, sana picked her up again so they could walk together to the apartment where sienna lived. afterwards she had dinner, brushed her teeth, and allowed herself the luxury of putting on a movie on the couch since it was the weekend. even so, she promised herself that when the clock hit eleven oâclock she would turn off the television and go to sleep so she could be properly rested for tomorrow.
chan, on the other hand, after coming back from the library, met up with his friends to do the same things they always did: smoke, drink, and talk shit about the women they slept with. though, he left his backpack at his apartment before going to avoid awkward jokes from his friends.
â chan! â changbin smiled. â where were you?
chan simply shook his head and took the cigarette from hanâs hand before sitting down and taking a drag. he didnât owe them any explanations. he knew changbin would forget his own question within seconds; not because he was forgetful, but simply because he didnât care enough about chanâs life to remember heâd been missing for half the afternoon. and chan liked it better that way.
he wasnât much of a fan of smoking; he hated the smell of tobacco and it didnât really do much for him either. at least it relieved his stress, and that was something he desperately needed lately.
â we should go partying! â hyunjin exclaimed.
chan looked around, watching them all smile and nod like idiots. he sighed and tried to smile back, though all that came out was a weak grimace without the slightest bit of conviction. not that it mattered much anyway; the guys wouldnât pay enough attention to chan to notice. and chan liked it better that way.
sienna firmly believed that if everything was in its place, everything would eventually fall into place on its own. she already had all her schedules written down, already organized her afternoons, already researched every subject. to her, that wasnât perfection; it was prevention. it was the bare minimum.
it wasnât just about order, but about the feeling of control over her own life; feeling like nothing escaped her, like everything was where it was supposed to be. she had always been taught to be that way. she had always been that way.
she had only been at university for two weeks and had already turned the community library into a home. she already had her spot and a set of schedules she repeated tirelessly year after year. today she had to study from 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.; something simple, just to reinforce what she had learned.
she hadnât been studying for longer than an hour when the door opened and laughter could be heard from afar. sienna didnât want to get distracted; she adjusted her headphones and kept studying, despite feeling everyoneâs eyesâand there werenât even that many people thereâon the door, which wasnât far from her. after a couple of laughs, the door closed and sienna inevitably noticed a blond guy with long hair heading toward the aisle where she was sitting; a long table with lights filled with students desperate to study. she buried herself back in her own work, needing to concentrate to keep everything up to date; however, only a few seconds passed before a deep voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
â is this seat taken? â the blond asked. sienna looked at him for a few seconds, glancing around and noticing several empty seats. â the outlet.
â huh? â she said, confused.
â i need the outlet. those donât have one. â he said, pointing at the other empty seats. she looked around; just as she was about to tell him she was waiting for someone, only to avoid being bothered, he moved the chair without even trying to keep himself from making noise and simply sat down. he pulled a charger out of his backpack and plugged his phone into it. shortly after, he took out his laptop.
honestly, sienna didnât even try to see what he was doing; it wasnât any of her business, nor did she care. she just wanted to finish her assignments peacefully and on time. luckily, the guy wasnât much trouble during the hour and a half she had left in the library.
â sienna! â sana shouted with a wide smile. â how did it go?
she couldnât help but smile when she saw her best friend approaching to pick her up from the library. â sana, you donât have to come every time. â sana only laughed softly. â it went well. i managed to make progress on the assignment.
â thatâs great! are you coming to dinner with the girls?
â i donât know... i want to properly study the syllabus for the november exams. i donât know if iâll have time. â she murmured. sana pouted. â i promise iâll go if i have time.
sana smiled brightly and nodded. â let me know! shall i walk you home?
â itâs not necessary... â she murmured while looking at her and rolled her eyes. â ugh, why do i even bother? youâre going to come with me anyway. â they both laughed; between jokes and bursts of laughter, they arrived at their home.
in the same place where sana had picked sienna up, a few minutes later, the blond left the library with his backpack. no one was waiting for him. no one picked him up. he was already used to it. he put on his headphones and started walking; not toward home, but toward a park where he met up with his friends many afternoons. he could smell the cigarette smoke from several meters away, immediately knowing they were there without even needing to see them.
â chan! where were you? â one of them asked.
â at the library, finishing up a base. â he said casually, dropping his backpack onto the ground and sitting on the bench beside changbin. he offered him the cigarette and chan accepted it, taking a long drag before exhaling the smoke.
â chris going to the library... now thatâs something you never see. â hyunjin said with a laugh, and everyone joined in on the joke. the blond let out a small smile, but it wasnât genuine. he shook his head and took another drag, trying to release all the stress built up in his body.
an hour later, he was already heading back to his apartment, which was only a few streets away from the park. he opened the door and threw his things onto the floor.
â it smells like cigarettes... â his roommate muttered. then he realized he had finally come home. â have you been smoking again?
chan sighed, lay down on the couch, and closed his eyes, ignoring his friendâs question.
â chan. â the boy insisted.
the blond simply put in his other earbud and turned the music up louder; he wanted to escape, to drown out the noise.
â chris!
â yeah, i smoked. i donât know why the fuck youâre so surprised. let go of my arm, felix. â chan said aggressively. felix sighed, looking at him with pity, but decided not to scold him.
chris had been pretty lost these past few years. his grades had gotten worse and he had lost his habits, but felix never said anything; after all, he knew plenty of people who had burnt out and lost motivation after years of university. besides, felix wasnât anyone to lecture him. it wasnât his problem if chan was a messy guy.
spelling mistakes or plot thread mistakes are possible. in case of inconsistencies or errors, i accept constructive criticism as long as it is respectful. i am no writer; i do this for fun.
updates will be irregular and probably slow. i ask for respect since i try to balance my studies with writing the best i can.
this story does not seek to reflect anyone's personality in any way. it is all fiction and nothing more.
characters
sienna seo.
21 year old. korean. english philology. aquarius.
christopher bahng.
23 year old. australian. musical production. libra.
also starring:
- seo changbin
- hwang hyunjin.
- minatozaki sana.
- lee felix.
IN WHICH chan teaches sienna that she doesnât have to be perfect.
OR sienna teaches chan to see perfection even in the littlest things.
welcome to man's search of meaning
follow me on wattpad: @/miccusu if you wanna read this same story in spanish.
he deserves the nastiest, sloppiest, back arching, sheet gripping, eye rolling, leg shaking, mouth watering, mind shattering, soul sucking, gut wrenching, reality altering, bed breaking, mattress soaking, knee buckling HEAD ever for his birthday
