spider-dad

Peter B Parker, official mentor and begrudging father-figure

[spidey-dad]

*Sigh* Ok, let's do this one more time...

My name's Peter B Parker! I got bit by a radioactive yada yada, you know the rest. Look, I know I'm not the only Spider-Man, but I might be the oldest one around.

This is an all-ages space where I hang with vigilantes, mutants and civilians alike.

Please feel free to send asks or interact! Don't be scared of the mask. I might invite you to webswing with me!

Aside from Mayday, my adorable and strange children include @wheelbarrowofstagefourcancer, @x-23-official, @peterparker-who, @itscablepool, and @m0n5t3r-3n3rg7. My partners are @d-adpool ((rated R blog)) and MJ obviously.

Ooc: this is Peter B's minor and kid-friendly zone. Mun minors and mun adults with minor muses are welcome. Adults, you are welcome too but don't feel like you have to start interacting here. You can head directly to @bstandsforbabydaddy if you'd like but be warned: there be horniness.

Please dm if you want our characters to get into an actual fight, or if your character wants to show up unannounced somewhere, like Peter's house. There are some in-universe rules he follows, and I don't like god modding.

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

That suicidal SOB is actually going through with it Von. Do we need to stage a physical intervention?

@bstandsforbabydaddy

she rummages through her purse and pulls out a clean white handkerchief dousing it in chloroform she also keeps in her purse "just web him up and I'll knock him out then you'll plant one on him. I'll take the blame for this don't worry"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"You keep that in your purse?" Peter balks at her, then rolls his eyes and shrugs.

"All right. I think he was going to see Fisk, we might ambush him outside his office. He's an awfully hard guy to sneak up on, though."

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

"I started keeping some on me because Matt refuses to sleep"

she pulls out her tempad and configures it to the mayor's office before tossing it to Peter "just press the big button and poke your head in, if he's there you wave me in and I'll run in and knock him out"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"Huh. Maybe I should try it on Wade. He's a thousand times better when he actually sleeps but he insists he never can. If he'd stop playing candy crush all night it might help...Ok...""

Peter presses the button and sticks his head through the door. Fisk is at his desk, but no Murdock. He pulls his head out before the mayor can look up.

"No dice. He musta left. Maybe just at his place, then?"

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

"well only if you're fine with him complaining about rights and stuff afterwards"

von takes the tempad back and puts in the new configuration "try again"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

Peter raises his eyebrows. "Is that a pot-kettle situation? I'm sure Matt will have nothing nice to say to either of us for a while."

He sighs and takes the tempad again, poking his head into @verygoodlawyer's appartment. He waves to Von behind him as he jumps through.

((turn order is matt, von, peter))

[verygoodlawyer]

□ The apartment has no sign of Matt, but Peace and Mayhem are still there.

■ They have been given full bowls of food, treats, and water.

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

Ravonna steps through "you feel him with that sense of yours? I don't see him" she walks around the apartment looking for any sign of him

@bstandsforbabydaddy

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

Peter eyes the ceiling corners with mistrust.

"Well, I thought I did. I guess it's just, like, a general sense of unease. Shit, Von, I'm starting to worry."

Mayhem rubs up against his leg, and he sneezes.

//I guess no turn order unless they actually find him 😭

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

von doesn't touch the pets cause she's already got the chloroform rag in her hands but she blows them a few kisses

"i think there's one last place we could check, after that I'm all out of ideas"

she takes the tempad back and changes the configuration yet again before pressing the button herself.

she steps through into Fogwell's gym

@verygoodlawyer

[verygoodlawyer]

□ The gym's lights are off, but the rooftop door has been left ajar.

■ There's voices coming from outside.

[karenpage-journalist]

Karen does not trust the watch on her wrist, or the portal that opens up in front of her. It's one thing to have a button pre-programmed to take her to Wade's home, it's another thing entirely to program in coordinates herself.

But whether she trusts it or not, she is doing it. It's not hard to narrow down the search to the places where Matt would want to go if he's going to die. Other than his own apartment or Foggy's, there's very few other places that have an emotional attachment to Matt.

She steps out of the fourth portal and spots Von and Peter (Peter Sr. as she thinks of him, now that she's met a Peter Jr.) standing in Fogwell's Gym.

"Where is he?" she demands, pissed beyond all measure after a very harrowing conversation with Charlotte. "I do not have time for this. Where is he so I can kick some sense into him?" She hears voices overhead and her head jerks toward the door overhead leading to the roof.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer @bstandsforbabydaddy

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"Your guess is as good as mine." Peter looks up, trying to suss out the conversation happening above him, the looks back at the other two.

"You know, with three portals we could surround him. I'd need precise coordinates, though. I guess we should go on foot."

He starts climbing up the wall.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

von watches as Karen stomps past her and up the stairs. she looks back over at Peter "how did she know we were here?"

she follows behind and steps up onto the roof "that'll take too long and she's already on the move, we're gonna have to wing it"

@bstandsforbabydaddy @karenpage-journalist @verygoodlawyer

[karenpage-journalist]

Karen glances back toward Von, but doesn't slow her stride. "Charlotte told me Matt's trying to kill himself. I already checked his and Foggy's apartments, the church, and the firm. This was the only place left. And before you ask, the portal watch is from Peter."

Up on the rooftop, the night started out warm, but clouds are now rolling in, hanging low in the sky like an oppressive gray ceiling hovering over their heads. The humidity is climbing and it might rain.

Karen's in a pissy mood and kicks the door to the rooftop hard enough for it to swing open and slam into the wall opposite. No sense trying to hide, Matt heard them all coming anyway.

"Matt!" she yells across the rooftop.

@verygoodlawyer

//posting order: Matt, whack-n-back-spidey (he's here with Matt I think?), bstandsforbabydaddy, Von, Karen

[verygoodlawyer]

▪︎ Matt could hear them approaching from a mile away, they weren't exactly subtle.

⠦⠠⠚⠑⠎⠥⠎⠂ ⠺⠓⠁⠞ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠁⠇⠇ ⠕⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠙⠕⠊⠝⠛ ⠓⠑⠗⠑⠦⠴

"Jesus, what are all of you doing here?"

▪︎ Matt frowns, not bothering to move from his spot at the edge of the roof.

■ Just three of them?

□ He could take them down if he put in the effort.

▪︎ His hands fidget, absentmindedly extending then collapsing the white cane he held in them.

@whack-n-back-spidey

[whack-n-back-spidey]

"hm?"

*Peter turns his head to see who was behind him and Matt*

"Huh. Well this is annoying. What're you all doing here?"

@karenpage-journalist @ravonna-lexus-renslayer @spidey-dad (didnt wanna tag the mdni one sorry)

[spidey-dad]

"Oh, well, this is a disaster... what are you doing here, kid? We're here for an intervention."

Peter casually moves around to the other side of Matt, ready to web him up but hoping he doesn't need to.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

Ravonna takes a few steps towards Matt but still leaves him a good amount of space

"you know we need to do this. we wouldn't be the friends you chose if we were the type to let you go so easily"

@karenpage-journalist

[karenpage-journalist]

Karen sighs and moves to the side opposite of Peter. "Von's right, Matt. We're the people you let into your life, and you surround yourself with good people for a reason. The same reason we all do. To help us up when we're down on our knees."

"You can't give up yet. Not when you have us to lean on."

@verygoodlawyer

[verygoodlawyer]

▪︎ Matt listens to them, frowning the more they go on.

⠦⠠⠃⠗⠑ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠙⠕⠝⠑⠦⠴

"Are you done?"

▪︎ He gets to his feet, turning to face them, feet on the ledge.

⠦⠠⠔ ⠙⠊⠙⠝⠄⠞ ⠁⠎⠅ ⠁ ⠎⠊⠝⠛⠇⠑ ⠕⠝⠑ ⠕⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠞⠕ ⠉⠕⠍⠑ ⠓⠑⠗⠑ ⠃⠑⠉⠁⠥⠎⠑ ⠰⠠⠔⠙⠕⠝⠄⠞ ⠺⠁⠝⠞ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠓⠑⠗⠑ ⠁⠝⠙ ⠰⠠⠔⠙⠕⠝⠄⠞ ⠝⠑⠑⠙ ⠽⠕⠥⠗ ⠓⠑⠇⠏⠲ ⠠⠎⠕ ⠇⠑⠁⠧⠑⠲⠴

"I didn't ask a single one of you to come here because I don't want you here and I don't need your help. So leave."

@whack-n-back-spidey

[whack-n-back-spidey]

*Peter looks to his second father figure*

"Planning a funeral. Ive always wanted to plan one and Matt isn't opposed to it or doubting my event planning skills."

*For once Peter's voice is flat. Devoid of the usual excited teenager energy.*

"If he wants this he wants this. Nothing I can really do now other than make it easier on him and his family."

*Then he stands up, facing away from the three, and stretches his arms above his head*

"I won't stop what any of you do unless it's asked of me. Save him if you want."

@spidey-dad

[spidey-dad]

Peter pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Pete, that is not a helpful way to test a suicide risk. You're taking it really flippantly, someone's life is on the line here."

He looks back up at Matt.

"Dude. You shouldn't do this, really. It's not worth it. You have a family. There's so many things ahead of you. Some of them might be good, yeah? Why would you want to throw all that away?"

*He hasn't given up on the idea of talking him down yet, but he sure doesn't believe that Matt has a chance against all three of them.*

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer

[spidey-dad]

btw, i don’t think i can actually buy socks with peter parker’s face on them anywhere, but, uhh, thanks for the hope 😎✌️☮️

for some reason, i thought i’d sent this this morning, but apparently not??

Have you tried Binging "Spider-Man socks"? Hur hur.

I meant my masked face. It's pretty common. Unfortunately I don't see any of the proceeds of that profitable licensing.

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

That suicidal SOB is actually going through with it Von. Do we need to stage a physical intervention?

@bstandsforbabydaddy

she rummages through her purse and pulls out a clean white handkerchief dousing it in chloroform she also keeps in her purse "just web him up and I'll knock him out then you'll plant one on him. I'll take the blame for this don't worry"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"You keep that in your purse?" Peter balks at her, then rolls his eyes and shrugs.

"All right. I think he was going to see Fisk, we might ambush him outside his office. He's an awfully hard guy to sneak up on, though."

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

"I started keeping some on me because Matt refuses to sleep"

she pulls out her tempad and configures it to the mayor's office before tossing it to Peter "just press the big button and poke your head in, if he's there you wave me in and I'll run in and knock him out"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"Huh. Maybe I should try it on Wade. He's a thousand times better when he actually sleeps but he insists he never can. If he'd stop playing candy crush all night it might help...Ok...""

Peter presses the button and sticks his head through the door. Fisk is at his desk, but no Murdock. He pulls his head out before the mayor can look up.

"No dice. He musta left. Maybe just at his place, then?"

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

"well only if you're fine with him complaining about rights and stuff afterwards"

von takes the tempad back and puts in the new configuration "try again"

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

Peter raises his eyebrows. "Is that a pot-kettle situation? I'm sure Matt will have nothing nice to say to either of us for a while."

He sighs and takes the tempad again, poking his head into @verygoodlawyer's appartment. He waves to Von behind him as he jumps through.

((turn order is matt, von, peter))

[verygoodlawyer]

□ The apartment has no sign of Matt, but Peace and Mayhem are still there.

■ They have been given full bowls of food, treats, and water.

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

Ravonna steps through "you feel him with that sense of yours? I don't see him" she walks around the apartment looking for any sign of him

@bstandsforbabydaddy

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

Peter eyes the ceiling corners with mistrust.

"Well, I thought I did. I guess it's just, like, a general sense of unease. Shit, Von, I'm starting to worry."

Mayhem rubs up against his leg, and he sneezes.

//I guess no turn order unless they actually find him 😭

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

von doesn't touch the pets cause she's already got the chloroform rag in her hands but she blows them a few kisses

"i think there's one last place we could check, after that I'm all out of ideas"

she takes the tempad back and changes the configuration yet again before pressing the button herself.

she steps through into Fogwell's gym

@verygoodlawyer

[verygoodlawyer]

□ The gym's lights are off, but the rooftop door has been left ajar.

■ There's voices coming from outside.

[karenpage-journalist]

Karen does not trust the watch on her wrist, or the portal that opens up in front of her. It's one thing to have a button pre-programmed to take her to Wade's home, it's another thing entirely to program in coordinates herself.

But whether she trusts it or not, she is doing it. It's not hard to narrow down the search to the places where Matt would want to go if he's going to die. Other than his own apartment or Foggy's, there's very few other places that have an emotional attachment to Matt.

She steps out of the fourth portal and spots Von and Peter (Peter Sr. as she thinks of him, now that she's met a Peter Jr.) standing in Fogwell's Gym.

"Where is he?" she demands, pissed beyond all measure after a very harrowing conversation with Charlotte. "I do not have time for this. Where is he so I can kick some sense into him?" She hears voices overhead and her head jerks toward the door overhead leading to the roof.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer @bstandsforbabydaddy

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

"Your guess is as good as mine." Peter looks up, trying to suss out the conversation happening above him, the looks back at the other two.

"You know, with three portals we could surround him. I'd need precise coordinates, though. I guess we should go on foot."

He starts climbing up the wall.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer

[ravonna-lexus-renslayer]

von watches as Karen stomps past her and up the stairs. she looks back over at Peter "how did she know we were here?"

she follows behind and steps up onto the roof "that'll take too long and she's already on the move, we're gonna have to wing it"

@bstandsforbabydaddy @karenpage-journalist @verygoodlawyer

[karenpage-journalist]

Karen glances back toward Von, but doesn't slow her stride. "Charlotte told me Matt's trying to kill himself. I already checked his and Foggy's apartments, the church, and the firm. This was the only place left. And before you ask, the portal watch is from Peter."

Up on the rooftop, the night started out warm, but clouds are now rolling in, hanging low in the sky like an oppressive gray ceiling hovering over their heads. The humidity is climbing and it might rain.

Karen's in a pissy mood and kicks the door to the rooftop hard enough for it to swing open and slam into the wall opposite. No sense trying to hide, Matt heard them all coming anyway.

"Matt!" she yells across the rooftop.

@verygoodlawyer

//posting order: Matt, whack-n-back-spidey (he's here with Matt I think?), bstandsforbabydaddy, Von, Karen

[verygoodlawyer]

▪︎ Matt could hear them approaching from a mile away, they weren't exactly subtle.

⠦⠠⠚⠑⠎⠥⠎⠂ ⠺⠓⠁⠞ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠁⠇⠇ ⠕⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠙⠕⠊⠝⠛ ⠓⠑⠗⠑⠦⠴

"Jesus, what are all of you doing here?"

▪︎ Matt frowns, not bothering to move from his spot at the edge of the roof.

■ Just three of them?

□ He could take them down if he put in the effort.

▪︎ His hands fidget, absentmindedly extending then collapsing the white cane he held in them.

@whack-n-back-spidey

[whack-n-back-spidey]

"hm?"

*Peter turns his head to see who was behind him and Matt*

"Huh. Well this is annoying. What're you all doing here?"

@karenpage-journalist @ravonna-lexus-renslayer @spidey-dad (didnt wanna tag the mdni one sorry)

[spidey-dad]

"Oh, well, this is a disaster... what are you doing here, kid? We're here for an intervention."

Peter casually moves around to the other side of Matt, ready to web him up but hoping he doesn't need to.

@ravonna-lexus-renslayer

[franticallyfancyvalkyrie]

Hi im gay

[just-syke]

Hi gay, I am pan.

[spidey-dad]

Hi gay and pan, I'm Dad. Also bi.

[spidey-dad]

Ugh I just remembered Parker luck exists 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

You have been experiencing it all along.

Like have you ever had good luck in your life?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

well no but i still forget its a genuine thing. Its just become apart of my day to day so the funny name isnt needed...dont you have it too??

[spidey-dad]

Am I a Parker??? Does the Pope claim to be a progressive but still support traditionalist values?

Yeah I'm pretty sure I do.

I've met a lot of Parkers in my life. Pretty sure we're all like this, sorry.

[spidey-dad]

Ugh I just remembered Parker luck exists 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

You have been experiencing it all along.

Like have you ever had good luck in your life?

[spidey-dad]

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

DAD

Im gay 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

Congratulations! 🏳️‍🌈✌️🥳 It's your month.

Do you still have six arms too? Or was that a short term ailment?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

6 arms and 6 eyes :3

Spider DNA balanced out with the human stuff and settled on 6

[spidey-dad]

I had that for a while. Also mandibles. It seemed to just wear off because it was started by anon magic.

You technically have 8 limbs though because, you know, legs.

[whack-n-back-spidey]

...Yknow what I didnt count limbs as a whole i just counted arms.

Technically I do walk on all 8 when I climb...

[spidey-dad]

I don't think spiders differentiate between the arms and legs, dude.

No mandibles, though? Or claws? You don't look like an actual monster, right?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

Well this one does. Sometimes. If im too tired I forget and accidentally scare the shit outta May by climbing on the ceiling.

Uhhhh yknow let's skip that question.......

*aggressively scoots away from your inbox*

Gulp.

So uhhsodkskd any other questions?! ☺️

[spidey-dad]

Dude this was me. I'm not here to judge.

[whack-n-back-spidey]

Damn okay. Im not that bad. Jesus.

ive got...that but like less. Im able to hide it well if I try hard enough. I just use bandages to hold my extra arms down and keep the extra eyes closed. My fangs arent that big either so I dont gotta worry bout them showing.

As for claws, as of now I dont have any. Dont think I would need any either...?

[spidey-dad]

Genetic mutations rarely care about what you need, they just kinda do stuff randomly. Good that you can hide it in a big hoodie or a puffy coat though. Not that anyone is wearing puffy coats around Manhattan right now, but it's better.

I was just screwed for a week or so, I hid out most of the day and patrolled in the shadows at night. Sometimes I went out in a medical mask and sunglasses, but then you just look like a back robber.

[spidey-dad]

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

DAD

Im gay 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

Congratulations! 🏳️‍🌈✌️🥳 It's your month.

Do you still have six arms too? Or was that a short term ailment?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

6 arms and 6 eyes :3

Spider DNA balanced out with the human stuff and settled on 6

[spidey-dad]

I had that for a while. Also mandibles. It seemed to just wear off because it was started by anon magic.

You technically have 8 limbs though because, you know, legs.

[whack-n-back-spidey]

...Yknow what I didnt count limbs as a whole i just counted arms.

Technically I do walk on all 8 when I climb...

[spidey-dad]

I don't think spiders differentiate between the arms and legs, dude.

No mandibles, though? Or claws? You don't look like an actual monster, right?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

Well this one does. Sometimes. If im too tired I forget and accidentally scare the shit outta May by climbing on the ceiling.

Uhhhh yknow let's skip that question.......

*aggressively scoots away from your inbox*

Gulp.

So uhhsodkskd any other questions?! ☺️

[spidey-dad]

Dude this was me. I'm not here to judge.

[spidey-dad]

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

DAD

Im gay 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

Congratulations! 🏳️‍🌈✌️🥳 It's your month.

Do you still have six arms too? Or was that a short term ailment?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

6 arms and 6 eyes :3

Spider DNA balanced out with the human stuff and settled on 6

[spidey-dad]

I had that for a while. Also mandibles. It seemed to just wear off because it was started by anon magic.

You technically have 8 limbs though because, you know, legs.

[whack-n-back-spidey]

...Yknow what I didnt count limbs as a whole i just counted arms.

Technically I do walk on all 8 when I climb...

[spidey-dad]

I don't think spiders differentiate between the arms and legs, dude.

No mandibles, though? Or claws? You don't look like an actual monster, right?

[spidey-dad]

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

DAD

Im gay 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

Congratulations! 🏳️‍🌈✌️🥳 It's your month.

Do you still have six arms too? Or was that a short term ailment?

[whack-n-back-spidey]

6 arms and 6 eyes :3

Spider DNA balanced out with the human stuff and settled on 6

[spidey-dad]

I had that for a while. Also mandibles. It seemed to just wear off because it was started by anon magic.

You technically have 8 limbs though because, you know, legs.

[spidey-dad]

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

DAD

Im gay 😔

@whack-n-back-spidey

Congratulations! 🏳️‍🌈✌️🥳 It's your month.

Do you still have six arms too? Or was that a short term ailment?

[spidey-dad]

What's the pride month?

@its-cablepool

Hey buddy! Pride is a month where we celebrate people who have diverse genders and sexual orientations. That means they either have a gender that doesn't match how they were assigned at birth, or they like someone besides the opposite gender. Or both!

It started because people weren't getting treated very well, they were being oppressed and picked on. They still are in some ways. But Pride helps us show solidarity and togetherness, despite the challenges.

We use rainbows to celebrate, plus a lot of flags that show our personal identity. The flags on my picture are the bi flag, which means I like men and women (and people in between), and the polyamory flag, which means I love more than one person at a time.

You can identify however you want, but no pressure since you're still figuring stuff out.

[spidey-dad]

Happy pride month! How do you plan on celebrating?

Going to a parade! I usually bring my suit and swing around a little, checking for for trouble makers and also making sure people know Spidey supports the gays.

Thanks, and happy pride yourself!

[spidey-dad]

Happy pride gay dad

You too, strange child.

[spidey-dad]

happy pride month!! 😎✌️☮️🏳️‍🌈 well, and happy summer too

Happy Pride! 🌈🌈🌈

I think summer officially stars on the Equinox, which is the 21st. At least that's the lore around these parts.

[oddly-spider-shaped]

You 🫵 look sickly. Have you eaten today?

@spidey-dad

Do i need to???? I had like...half of a McDonald's fry from a week ago like 3 hours ago.

[bstandsforbabydaddy]

Meet me on the roof I got two large meat lovers with our names on them.

...Unless you're a vegetarian. It wouldn't be the first time but the only other guy was Hindu.

[oddly-spider-shaped]

Fine...be there in a bit. But there better be salt and pepper on mine or I'll kick you into stark tower.

[spidey-dad]

What? Who puts salt and pepper on pizza? It's covered in cheese and pepperoni, which are classically already salty and peppery.