Nights Under Moon light.

[thepersonalquotes]

[crmsnmth]

Ruiner

I've started wearing the absence of you like a bad habit smoke in my lungs cheap burn in my throat something I know is killing me but I lean into it anyway

Because at least it's something that feels like you staying

I replay you in loops until the edges warp your voice distorts your face flickers but I don't stop it I let it rot in me let it turn soft parts into something unusable

Grief would be cleaner if it just hurt but this this is choosing it again and again like picking at a scab just to watch it open

I ruin good days on purpose leave texts unanswered let dishes pile let sleep slip let everything small collapse because some part of me thinks if I keep falling apart you might feel it wherever you are

Like damage travels like pain echoes loud enough to reach the dead places

You don't

So I dig deeper

I keep your ghost fed give it my nights my appetite my better judgment I make a home for something that isn't even here anymore

And the worst part is I don't want to get better

Because getting better means loosening my grip on you means letting your shape fade from the inside of my ribs means waking up one day and realizing I didn't think of you first

That feels worse than this

So I stay here half-alive half-looking for you in every wrong place every stranger's eyes every empty room that hums like it might remember you better than I do

I miss you like a wound I keep reopening like a fire I refuse to put out even as it eats the walls around me

And I know I know this ends one of two ways

either I finally let you go

or I burn down everything that's left of me trying not to

[whitelightning2202]

You always want to be right, even when you're wrong.

Try to justify your current shitty beliefs for my evil deeds of the past.

At times, I get it, a reactive response.

But at the same time, I'm not begging for forgiveness when you're just as evil.

......you chose to stay.

I never begged you to stay by my side or hold my hand,

You chose to suffer the same.

It's your fault as well.

If I was as evil as you claim with your Crying Wolf stamp,

Then why stick around?

If you want to cry about the past,

If you want to remain stuck,

If you want to always be right,

Then by all means.

You do you.

I have no fighting left in me for your bullshit.

That's between you and God.

I have my own mess to worry about,

Other migraines to try and relax from.

I'm not trying to hold onto the past any longer.

I'm trying to grow.

To heal.

To stop hiding.

To breathe fresh air for once.

To be comfortable in my own skin one more time.

To let go and let God.

I hope one day you grow up and heal too,

But it won't be here by my side.

[crmsnmth]

Rewriting History

She doesn't say my name anymore not even when she's angry not even when she's alone and the room gets too quiet to ignore

It's like I've been edited out cut clean from the film of her life no blooper reel, no deleted scenes just a hard splice where I used to exist

I picture her telling the story of us like it happened to someone else like I was just a phase a bad habit she kicked a season she outgrew when the weather finally changed

And maybe she rewrites me into something easier to hate a villain with sharper edges someone simpler than I ever was because complexity is harder to bury than blame

I wonder if she still keeps anything a shirt, a message, a song or if she burned it all down just to make sure nothing of me could survive her

Because I can feel it the way her memory of me has turned cold and deliberate like she took every good thing and locked it away somewhere she doesn't visit anymore

I remember how she used to look at me like I was something worth understanding like I wasn't already halfway broken before she ever touched me

Now I imagine the same look twisted into something else disgust, maybe or disappointment stretched so thin it finally snapped into hatred

And it sits in me that thought like a weight I can't set down

that somewhere out there in a life I'm no longer part of she hears my name and her jaw tightens her chest closes her whole body remembering something it wishes it never felt

I try to trace it back find the exact moment when loved turned its back on me when something in her decided I was no longer worth the patience the forgiveness the staying

Was it sudden? A single fracture a word said wrong a night I don't remember clearly a version of me I wish I could erase?

Or was it slow? A quiet erosion me wearing her down day by day until there was nothing left but resentment where love used to live?

That's what haunts me not just that she hates me but that I might have built it piece by piece with my own hands

I think about reaching out sometimes just to see just to hear her voice again even if it's sharp even if it cuts

But I don't

Because I already know what silence means

It means I've become something she survived

And survivors don't go back to the fire just to prove it still burns

So I carry it this version of me that only exists in her mind now this shadow shaped like regret

And somewhere in that shadow is the person she loved the one I wish I could still be the one who didn't lose her like this

But that version is gone replaced by someone she can't stand to remember

And I guess that's who I am now not just someone she left but someone she had to

[crmsnmth]

I Hate Him

I hate him in the dull blue hours of morning when sleep won't come back and the ceiling starts to look like a confession

I hate him in the silence after songs end when the last chord fades and there's nothing left to distract me from the thought of you laughing somewhere I'm not

I hate the way I imagine him like he's taller, steadier like his hands don't shake when love gets too close like he knows exactly what to say and never says too much

I build him into something perfect just so I have something to destroy

I hate him for the way you probably look at him soft, unguarded like you used to look at me before I turned every moment into something fragile and then dropped it

I hate him for knowing the shape of your mornings for hearing your voice before the world gets loud for existing in the spaces I used to swear were mine

I think about his name sometimes roll it around in my mouth like it's something bitter I can't quite spit out

I wonder if he knows how you take your coffee if he notices the way you go quiet when something hurts if he understands the weight of loving you or if he just carries it better

I hate him because he didn't have to watch it fall apart

I hate him because he didn't hear the things we said when everything was cracking the apologies that came too late the promises we both knew we couldn't keep

I hate him because he gets a clean slate and I'm stuck rereading every mistake like it's scripture

And sometimes the hatred burns so hot it almost feels like purpose like I've found something solid to stand on again

but it never lasts

Because underneath it under all that anger all that imagined rivalry all the stories I tell myself to make it easier to breathe

there's something worse

sometime quieter

something honest

He didn't steal you in some dramatic, cinematic way there was no moment where you were ripped from my hands

There was just distance small at first almost unnoticeable

A missed call a shorter reply a look that lingered somewhere else

And then one day you were already gone long before you said it out loud

So I hate him, yeah I say it like a mantra like it'll stitch something back together

But the truth is he's just a stranger who showed up after the fire

And I'm the one still standing in the ashes holding pieces of something I helped burn down

I hate him because it's easier

Because if I don't I have to sit with the fact that you chose a life that didn't have me in it

And there's no villain in that story

Just two people who couldn't make it work and one of them who hasn't learned how to let go yet

[spilledinkquill]

just be real

“It’s almost midnight. You should be asleep already.“ He said on the phone. “I don’t want to.” She said, “It’s the only time that I can be myself.” “What do you mean?“ "Everyone is asleep and no one can judge me.” She said through the line. “Well I’m awake.” He said. “But you don’t judge me.” She said, “You’re the only person I can trust in this part of town.”

[spilledinkquill]

Letter to the Narcissist

They witness what irradiates,

finding something else to blame. 

To something that would create world of pain. 

Never questioning why, what for? to the toxicity they spore. 

Running to conclusion to ensure,

to avoid the flaws.

To which they derived,

by the symptoms they explored and the real cause they ignored.

Unable to place their hands up, to the mistakes they make and the way they only take.

Need to be commended for basic things they do.

When complexity starts, the leaning begins to spurting out sins.

Flabbergasting that they're so unaware what actions they bare, to those who anchored on your capsizing ship.

Unable to latch onto the disgusting phrases, as of course you can't do anything wrong.

The world has to sing you praises, wrap you up in its loving embrace.

But as soon as it makes the littlest of accidental mistakes, you irradiate a full blown earthquake.

Depicting oneself as victim, oh behold no one can react to the venom that you enact. 

These people seeing past your masks, know its too late for you change from your past. 

Still you like to point the blame, making those who truly care feel shame and your skilful manoeuvring of guilt. 

For those who take a stand, holding a mirror to your face. 

They burn and feel your wrath, spreading to their inside to fester over time. 

A world of torment you unleash, but to your captives compassion and empathy they feel.

Seeing past the edges and the façade, knowing and sensing the ways you were scarred.

Those scars, destroying your life or anyone attained.

Inspiring others to run, now your beauty fades one by one company fades.

Others try to fight for the little light which was left inside, letting many years of their own lives pass by.

With you around, they flounder peace, opportunities and chance of a life they seek.

Not aware to the manipulative ensnare, how you've drained and tormented covertly with your natural flare. 

They now know there is no hope, refusing you to continually keep taking their glow. 

Finally taking flight, creating the most simulating, rewarding life.

Finding the person who truly lives inside, not the one who nurtured and co-dependently gave up her life.

Now the last loyal person can't standby, to the destruction that you blow and clean up the viscous shows.

She understands and knows your distance past, but knows its no excuse to be inflicting that level of abuse.

As life is to grow, to slowly flow away from the pain and strife. 

Consideration and reflecting on the way you act, to protect those you love and not to react. 

So on my way I go, goodbye and sympathy for the misfortunes you reproduce. 

Obtuse and lonely you'll remain, sadly until your dying day. 

As those who chose to stay, keep distanced from your terrain. 

No longer letting you rain down shame, manipulation and guilt. 

Only accepting to be hit by a light spray, these are the reasons no one will stay, living with you each day. 

At this point in life there is little chance of change, but for your sake let this entitlement fade and your destructive mind frame. 

It is too late, as your emotional state sees nothing or understands the inflictions you partake

[spilledinkquill]

My best friend ever

No more an unknown stranger

Making epic memories together

Being upright citizens, never

 

We are proud, incontrol.

Making everyone our minions

Thieves, hoes, and snitches will feel our iron brand

Unspoken rules and living by our own code they just understand

 

You always make me smile,even when I'm mad

I got your shoulder, at time it was all I had

You own the gift of perception

Faking a emotion is not an exception

 

I want to say thank-you

Happy moments were just a few

My emotions you skillfully hack

 

Like a brave knight I guard your backside

Haters tasting deserving cyanide

Cops always trying to catch us

While we sit and smoke, gearing up for another great escape..They will never catch us.

 

Chemicals never letting us rest

Keeping it 100 we rate we ourselves best

We don't know how to loose

And we only like what we choose

  you are my sanitys hero

Being loyal,solid,and kind,you're a proven pro

You're one of a kind

You'll be in my heart,my love you'll always find

[spilledinkquill]

My father once said, " I don't have all the answers to everything. No one does. I sure wish I did, things would be so differnt for me and even you. But I just don't and that is apart of life, finding an answer." I found myself unnevered that my father didn't even seem curious about the answer I was in search for. Frusterated I sat looking at him. I noticed the lines that formed at the cornners of his eyes. I felt a hint of guilt for my harsh approuch. His familuar gaze now gone, his eyes afixed on the flames in the fire. I could always tell when my father was thinking due to his "thinking stare". I have grown to know that he was about to share some information with me that I may not understand at the moment, but would leave me thinking about it long after the conversation had ended.When he spoke again he said " but let me tell you sis sometimes its not the answers that are the important

part" he paused and looked at me and then back at the fire. I couldnt help thinking to myself. Well if an answer is what your looking for than how can it not be the most important?? As if he read my mind he plainly stated " it's how you look at things". Now more confused than when I started I mearly nodded. He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a dip and placed it in his lower lip then wiped his fingure on his pant leg. " perspective. Try changing your perspective" His statment lingured. I thought about it for a moment. A smile grew on my face. My thought sounded to me like something my mother would say. "what sence does that make? You cant just change the question becauses you can't find the answer. You may already know the answer, you just choose not to see it because you dont like it. Doesnt change it! Its still the answer." Perhaps caught off guard by my childish grin and fidgety demeaner in such a weighted conversation. He glared at me and ask "whats so damn funny" Trying hard not to laugh due to the advice of my mother and personly knowing it is highly not recommended. I held my composure and muttered "nothing I guess." My father turned and walked away in his slow but strong and steady gait. Simpleton is the only word I heard when it occured to me what he may have been thinking.

[heavenishell1]

Songs you’ve never heard

Seems like the roads I never took.

[what-iz-life]

A person doesn’t have to only drain u with arguments and fights. They can drain u with lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of empathy, lack of apologizing, lack of acknowledgment and lack of fulfilling your love language. Know the red flags

[spilledinkquill]

When someone reaches out to me, I often try to be there for them. I understand they’re looking for someone who will patiently hear them, maybe even guide them. So I listen. I sit through the entire conversation, nodding along, truly empathizing with their emotions. These are often the heaviest conversations, deep and reflective, sometimes drifting into philosophical territory. One thought flows into the next, like a gentle river slipping over boulders, carrying us through their tangled feelings. It feels like we’re on a journey together, only to realize, in the end, that I was walking it alone

Because the truth is, they’re not looking for advice. They’re looking for validation. The only words they want to hear are the ones they want to listen to. The only thoughts that make sense are the ones they think are right. It doesn’t matter what I have to say because their mind was made up long before the conversation even began. They don’t want new perspectives; they want someone to agree with the one they already have.

No matter how many times I listen, no matter how many times I speak, it often feels like my time and words go unappreciated. They approach the conversation with a closed mind, unwilling to entertain any contrary ideas. And yet, I keep listening. I keep engaging, quietly hoping that one day, they’ll actually hear what I have to say

It took me a long time to understand that people will believe only what they want to believe. It’s not my place to change them. We can offer them the warmth of our comfort, and at times, the harshness of the truth. But whether they accept it or not, that’s entirely up to them. We can light the way for them, like a torch illuminating the path ahead, but the choice to walk down it is theirs alone.

[what-iz-life]

It's not your responsibility to correct the version of you in people's minds and make sure they understand you. People can only understand you from their level of perception. Maturity is living a private life others don't understand without explaining yourself to them.

[what-iz-life]

Crazy how peaceful life becomes when you stop fixing things you didn't break because it's not your job, start ignoring the silent treatment because it's an uncommunicated one-sided beef, and start doing what's best for you and disappoint people's undiscussed expectations of you.

[what-iz-life]

A person doesn’t have to only drain u with arguments and fights. They can drain u with lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of empathy, lack of apologizing, lack of acknowledgment and lack of fulfilling your love language. Know the red flags

[thepersonalquotes]

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[thepersonalquotes]

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