[spillingsguts]

#SPILLINGSGUTS , your   thoughts   are   in   my   head,   the   nights   you'd   spill   your   guts   to   me   and   your   taste   is   in   my   mouth,   but   i'm   washing   out   the   dreams / a private multimuse literary sideblog haunted by adri.

muses. opens. wanted plots.

001. i can reply in 0.2 seconds or 2 weeks. if my response time stresses you, just let me know! i can queue them up. / 002. all my male muses are on hold indefinitely. if you see them being used it's because i have ships that have long since been developed and the voice is easier to capture. if this bothers you then this isn't the blog for you and that's okay. / 003. i prefer to develop a ship / have some kind of foundation before jumping into smut. / 004. that said, i do often prefer to write based on chemistry over plotted threads but i don't mind plotting to start. wanted plots are linked above. / 005. we’re all busy and this is a hobby, however inconsistency will not be tolerated. minimal replies (constant new threads that go nowhere) and no growth for threads, pairings, dynamics, etc. is just not the vibe. / 006. muse page has been removed but happy to share upon request. / 007. banned muses are selena gomez, ryan manick, alexa tiziani, hudson williams, anyone problematic, deceased or those who do not want to be used. i will not write any off campus pairings (ie: mika / stephen) and i am extremely selective with all off campus fcs as a whole (ask first).

[connotations]

" then why are we still standing here? " she could say it until she was red in the face with exhaustion, he still wouldn't believe that being done with it was what she wanted. the same way he wasn't too keen on the idea of leaving things unsaid between them, not knowing if he'd see her again. " we weren't. " matter of fact, they were anything but. there'd been a time when he'd loved her, before his heart had been reshaped under the weight of the expectations bestowed upon him. back when he was still a teenager with the ability to feel things freely. now, he was hardened, every emotion calculated and precise as he grew into his father's shadow. " we were a lot more than that. " neither of them could deny the shared history, even when the memory feels more like being in the audience of a film and watching two people who weren't themselves.

[spillingsguts]

collects her purse then . if only to prove a point despite the debate going on between her head and her heart . she wanted to stay , but convinced herself it was a bad idea just like everything else she indulged in . she wasn't the best at making good decisions where her well-being was at play . knowing her emotions proved to be a problem . "glad you agree ," holds her breath , gaze faltering for a moment before clearing her throat and looking away when memories threatened to surface . all the times they spent together when they were practically children just to separate and lead different lives . he was married now , does that make her a homewrecker ? lesser purses into a frown , "where's your wife , ro ?" there's a slight pause , "does she know you're here ? no , let me guess -- you're both in an open relationship ?"

[deryapinar]

he  holds  her  gaze  ,  longer  than  he  needs  to  ,  but  he  can’t  help  the  shock  that  freezes  him  in  place  .  there’s  a  quick  roll  of  his  eyes  before  he’s  moving  ,  unable  to  stop  himself  or  think  better  .  the  male  is  pushed  into  the  elevator  ,  not  bothering  to  look  over  his  shoulder  to  witness  her  reaction  ,  making  sure  the  door  is  fully  closed  before  he  finally  allows  air  to  go  in  .  “you’re  done  bringing  them  home  “ 

[spillingsguts]

doesn't expect it when he'd never stood a chance against her , and maybe that's what ignites the flame in her chest as she watches him separate the both of them from the outside world that threatened to deter everything they had built in secret . their eyes meet , chin tipped to make up for the height as she steps closer and smiles though it doesn't reach . "says who ?" hums tauntingly , fingertips reaching for the buttons on his shirt . "hm ?"

[deryapinar]

“  what  do  we  have?  “  scoffs  a  little  louder  than  necessary,  leaning  back  on  her  chair  once  she  spots  curious  eyes  shifting  their  way.  “  you  can’t  expect  anyone  to  find  living  under  the  shadow  of  your  dead  wife  normal  “  it’s  harsh,  perhaps  too  on  the  nose  and  far  from  her  usual  approach,  but  she  can’t  help  it.  rejection  had  always  been  the  sorest  of  topics,  and  now,  where  she  didn’t  expect  to  find  it,  there’s  someone  else  occupying  his  mind  first  and  foremost  —  or  at  least  that’s  the  feeling  she  can’t  shake  off. 

[spillingsguts]

"my dead wife is exactly that -- dead . she can't come back to life and steal me away from you ," timbre remains calm despite the storm manifesting beneath the depth of chocolate hues that watch her closely . "she can't exactly steal me away from you , so how about we dial it down a bit ?" shoves his hands into the pockets of trousers , suit fresh off the press , jaw ticking once , waiting for her to light the match and turn this into a fire hazard . "this is exactly why i didn't want to tell you about her in the first place ."

[connotations]

" but it lingers. " she wasn't an insecure woman, but part of her felt small when she thought about those that came before her. never expected that she'd be a second wife — often feeling like it was drawn across her chest in red ink when it came to their circle. could feel the gazes that lingered, people wondering why a powerful man like her father would let his daughter be a replacement. " i just wish certain things were different. " that she had met him before, despite knowing it wouldn't have been the same. greedy enough to want him in the ways he had her : entirely to himself, with no room to compare. " is that so bad? " her voice falters, eyes peering up at him with a reserved softness, begging to be understood.

[spillingsguts]

swallows a portion of the alcohol in his glass before placing it down on the counter , unbuttoning his blazer . pushing it behind as he stares at her ; he knows she felt slighted , that part of his heart will be tied to someone else , but she had to understand it more out of guilt than love . "i can't go back and change the course of how my life turned out . all i can do is prove to you that you're my priority and i've done that , have i not ?" dares her to challenge him on it , corners of his eyes softening a fraction at the look painted across cherub countenance , shaking his head . reaches for her then , placing palm to her cheek as thumb caresses her skin in slow strokes , "do you trust me ?" because that's what mattered . if she didn't then this was a lost cause , one he didn't want to succumb to .

[connotations]

" i don't need a thank you. " it was just another job for him, more accustomed to blood shed than he ever would be to a nine to five. he wasn't a good man, his hands were far from clean but he prided himself in getting rid of the ones that were a layer below scum of the earth. doing a favor to those who needed it, and that included her. " yeah? " he should've pushed harder — if that was what she wanted, he couldn't give it to her. he'd take her words for what they were, unable to do much else than let them sit on his mind, dissecting them in his own time when there were no expectations. " what else are you used to? " he'll pry there, pushing to see if there was more business for him in her territory. strictly business.

[spillingsguts]

snorts through nostrils , amusement dancing beneath her eyes . "good because you're not getting one ," counters , shifting from one foot to the other . still staring up at him , waiting for him to admit his real reason behind stopping by her place . she wasn't stupid , she knew he was there for more than just wanting to see if she was okay . she couldn't blame him , she was the kind of girl you meet once and never forget . "yeah ," nods , staring between his eyes before fingertips reach for the edge of the door , swinging it open more , allowing him the ability to step into her space if he wanted to . "men playing pretend ," lips purse into a smile , referencing him rather than giving him anymore insight into her life .

[connotations]

" i don't see anything difficult about it. " it was easy to ignore the externalities when it was just two of them. her widowed, him in a half - hearted marriage that felt more like a contract than sanctimonious. " that isn't an answer, bianca. " all she had to say was yes or no, and yet she seemed to be hellbent on giving anything but that. more convinced now that this wasn't as one - sided as she was making it out to be. " we're just two old friends talking. " he could keep it strictly that, despite the mixture of bourbon and the past seeming to ignite a fire inside of him. " so talk. "

[spillingsguts]

"you can take it however you want , i'm done with this conversation ." nothing good will come from it . as bad as she wanted to stand there reminiscing and re-visiting a past that still haunted her with daily reminders of what could have been , she couldn't do it to herself anymore . she was arranged to be married again , to someone she hopes is half decent unlike her previous marriage which had been a sham . someone she gave everything to just for it not to be enough . that seemed to be an on-going theme with her . "except that we're not friends , roman . we were never friends to begin with ."

[connotations]

" you don't have to say it. " her voice is soft, quick to extinguish any combativeness that threatened to spill onto her words. despite her place in their world, she knew that she couldn't afford to be argumentative. it's why she swallowed the feeling for so long until she couldn't anymore. " i know you. " she had accepted his grief for what it was, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. " she'll always have a part of you. "

[spillingsguts]

he closes his eyes momentarily while inhaling a deep breath in attempt to keep everything at bay . she was sensitive and soft in contrast to the darkness that surrounded him and the life he chose to lead . losing his wife and their unborn child switched something inside of him , learning to lead more with his heart than he had before because they died on his behalf . and he'll always carry that guilt with him . "of course she'll be a part of me , but i never claimed to come to you as a virgin . i've beem with other women , some i've loved in my own way which has nothing to do with us ." pauses , "or you ."

[connotations]

" is that what you think this is? " his eyes crinkle at the edges, the beginning motions of a smile forming before just as quickly being flushed out on instinct. quick to confuse emotion with weakness, and he refused to make that same mistake again. even if were soft spots that seemed to form in her presence, he was sure to keep her at an arm's distance, though still closer than most. " you're breathing. " he'll nod, his eyes lingering on her for a moment and the way the light spilled out into the night, illuminating her frame in the door. " but are you okay? " he would know better than anyone the difference between the two.

[spillingsguts]

"i think you're in over your head if you think i'm going to thank you for doing your job ." mixing business with pleasure was a no go . even for someone like lexi who didn't mind tangling herself in many webs along the way of her newfound occupation . having lost young , she had nothing left to lose which often put her in dangerous situations . yet something told her this might be worse than anything else she could possibly indulge in . she smiles , "he's observant . i'm fine ," she shrugs . "nothing i'm not used to . and i don't mean it as a cop out , it's just the truth ." often men thought because she was a female that they could lay their hands on her , but she fought back.

[connotations]

" i want this. " more than anything else, her heart practically ready to jump out of her chest with how it ached. " but you love her more than you'll ever love me, sonny. " her vocie flattens under the stark reality of the situation : being second place to a ghost.

[spillingsguts]

frustration always managed to get the best of him at times , especially where isa was involved . nurses a drink to calm erratic pacing of his heart , already feeling the conversation taking a turn into territory he did not want to embark on . "you're putting words in my mouth ." he loved lily , but the thing with love that time was transactional . he learned to tolerate , adore . with his wife now , he wanted her first .

[connotations]

" you were on the way. " his mind seemed to be a chamber that she resided in recently, pulling at something inside of him that had long been dormant. hands are shoved into the gabardine pockets of his coat, eyes peered up at her as he waited to be let in from where he stood on her doorstep. " i thought i'd see how you were doing. "

[spillingsguts]

eyebrows raise , "you make time for all your conquests or is this just a one time thing ?" knew the moment word got out about the other night when collecting the debt owed to her for a gram of coke ordered by a member of the moreno clan went south , that it would be dealt with . "i'm still breathing ," she leans against the doorway within an inch of his frame , big eyes peering up at him . "or do you want to perfom cpr to make sure ?"

[connotations]

" i didn't say that. " years that had passed separated them, both completely changed through what life had thrown at them. " ever heard of catching up? " the smoothness of his voice implies that it was anything but, despite his poised composure. " do you want me to leave? " he beckons her from where his body adjusted against a leather chair, fingers wrapped around a glass of amber. comfortable in her space as if he had any right to share it after everything.

[spillingsguts]

"because it's always that simple with you ." as if the world wasn't frowning down at them . as fate would see it , this was their chance at reconciliation , but sonny would probably ring her neck for ruining the opportunity of finding someone that could benefit the family line . "if this was about what i wanted , we wouldn't be having this conversation right now ." in fact , he'd keep his distance like he desired all those years ago when he decided to end things .

[spillingsguts]

dipping my toes in after being gone nearly a month ..... so i posted a few opens here if anyone's interested <3

[spillingsguts]

open to: f

"heard you were looking for me ."

[spillingsguts]

open to: f

"you want to throw away something we have because i used to love somebody else ?"

[spillingsguts]

open to: f

"if you want to waste your time , go ahead . i won't stop you from crawling back here when you're done ."

[spillingsguts]

open to: m

"it's pretty late . did you get lost on your way home ?"