Hii!! I was talking about zane ships on a discord server and that of course includes braincellshipping which you got me into (thank you I love it) and I truly love the little fic you wrote titled Bloat, about the missing people and a lake, I love the athmosphere you're able to create and I love the connection between zane and nya in it. I have come back to read it a few times. Would you be willing to upload it to ao3? I understand if you'd rather keep it here tho so no pressure!!
Aw hey! Thanks so much!! Welcome to the braincell party theres like 5 people here đ„ł đ
I am willing to upload it to ao3 and I will, for you. I usually dont post anything to ao3 i haven't taken the time to properly clean up with edits and such, so ill be doing a tiny bit of fixin' up before publishing it. So it will hopefully read a little cleaner on the Official Drop.
which is kinda sad, to be honest. i've participated every year for a good while... i'm just too slow, i think. i havent even logged onto my account since last year, and i didn't even make it to the end of that month.
i may change my mind and join late, but as of right now i'm sitting this one out
Hii!! I was talking about zane ships on a discord server and that of course includes braincellshipping which you got me into (thank you I love it) and I truly love the little fic you wrote titled Bloat, about the missing people and a lake, I love the athmosphere you're able to create and I love the connection between zane and nya in it. I have come back to read it a few times. Would you be willing to upload it to ao3? I understand if you'd rather keep it here tho so no pressure!!
Aw hey! Thanks so much!! Welcome to the braincell party theres like 5 people here đ„ł đ
I am willing to upload it to ao3 and I will, for you. I usually dont post anything to ao3 i haven't taken the time to properly clean up with edits and such, so ill be doing a tiny bit of fixin' up before publishing it. So it will hopefully read a little cleaner on the Official Drop.
Hey, so Iâve been gone for a hot minute and came back just now ig (not sure for how long lol) and instead of working on any of the things I should actually be working on, like RoaN, I got super invested in one of @spinchip âs OCs and wrote a snippet that is going to make absolutely zero sense to anyone who isnât familiar with the OC and what Spinchip has already written for herâ
Again, not sure why I got so invested in this instead of the actual works I have that I need to complete, but. Yeah. Wrote a piece of Zane POV and him being kidnapped in the way Spinchip described
If you want more information on the OCâ her name is Lolaâ the best way to get it would probably be to go to Spinchipâs account and searching Lolaâs name there, or searching the tag of âninjago oc Lolaâ.
And I think thatâs all I have to say before the snippet, so,,, yeah, everything I wrote for the snippet is under the ReadMore/Keep Reading.
Consciousness returns to him agonizingly slowly. Blinking, Zane struggles to get himself to fully reorient, but somethingâjust about everythingâfeels⊠off, for some reason. His vision is blurry, his power level feels unusually low, his hearing has a faint layer of static over it, andâ
Wait.
His last memory before waking up here, it wasâhe was knocked out! That girl, the one who claimed she wanted an autograph and a selfie with him, was she lying, was that a trap?! It must have been!
Shaking his head in an attempt to reorient himself, Zane blinks as he looks around his current location, doing his best to process his surroundings and situation. Strangely enough, his shirt is off and his chestplate is open, and heâs sitting on the floor and for some reason plugged into something he canât turn enough to see due to how his hands are cuffed and his back is up against the wall, not to mention thatâ
âYouâre awake!â
Zane immediately snaps his gaze over to the voice that very clearly belongs to the girl who had tricked him earlier, and immediately finds himself making eye contact with said girl. She looks to be very enthusiastic, which, given how villain behaviors and kidnappings have gone for him in the past, very much does not seem to be a good sign in the slightest.
âYes,â Zane says slowly, using caution in his tone as he speaks. âYes, I am awake. Do you happen to know where we are?â
âNot important,â the girl says without hesitation. âIâm glad to see youâve woken up, though. I wasnât completely sure if replacing your power source with plugging you in would actually work, but Iâm glad to see it does! Iâmââ
âPardon, you did what now?â Zane looks down at his open chestplate, andâyes, his power source is no longer located within his chest where it belongs.
Well, that certainly explains the being plugged in factor, he supposes, but⊠why in the name of the sixteen realms would someone wish to do such a thing?! What reason could possibly justify this behavior?! Why did she trick him? Knock him unconscious? Kidnap him? Remove his power source? Brush aside his ask aboutâ
âTook out your power source and replaced it with plugged in electrical power!â she repeats. âI donât think I ever got the chance to really introduce myself, so why donât we start there, okay? Iâm Lola; your soulmate. Itâs so good to have the chance to be speaking to you face to face.â She beams at him, a look of both excitement and wanting in her eyes.
Zane blinks, running those words through his head several times, but⊠no, that does not assist in making any of what she just said more comprehensible. She is claiming to be his soulmate? After kidnapping him? What kind of soulmate does such a thing?
This situation is⊠strange, to say the least. He should at least begin things with some level of caution, and⊠perhaps a touch of politeness as well. That may assist his situation given what she has said, yes?
âI see. Well, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lola. I am Zane, as you likely already know. Do you think that perhaps you could return my power source to me? It is a very vital part of my biology, and even with it being replaced with other electrical powerââ
Lola waves him off with a hand, shaking her head slightly. âYou donât need it for now. You can trust me, okay? Just take me at my word. Youââ
Tuning her out, as he very much does not like what she is saying, Zane attempts to message his teammates to inform them that he needs to be picked up and rescued⊠only for the message to not go through. Not in their comms, nor through their civilian devices. It appears that⊠his current location has a lack of wi-fi?
Of course. Things would simply be too easy otherwise.
âZane? Youâre listening to me, right?â
Quickly, Zane redirects his focus back to Lola, giving her his best calm and friendly expression that he can manage at the current moment. âOf course.â
Ah. Her expression is now⊠more hostile than it was before. âYou looked like you were ignoring me. Would you really do that to me? After all Iâve done to get the two of us together?â
Frowning, Zane blinks. â⊠all youâve done? What have you done, exactly?â
She still looks upset, but this time she thankfully does answer his question. âWeeks worth of research, days worth of study and collecting, so much planning, and⊠hold on, are you trying to distract me? Make me not realize that you were ignoring me by switching my focus to something else?â
That was not his intent, but would be a useful side effect if it were to occur. She does not seem happy about his short period of a lack of paying attention to her every single word. âNo, I was not. My apologies for leading you to believe so.â
Lola studies him skeptically for a few moments, but then eventually gives a slow nod. âAlright. Back to the point, then. Iâm your soulmate, like I said, and the two of us are going to end up together for the rest of our lives once you realize how much youâre in love with me.â
That. Is quite the statement.
If he hadnât already been incredibly uncomfortable with all of this whole situation along with his treatment and Lolaâs behavior, he most certainly is now. Actually, perhaps it is simply the discomfort from before now being escalated to even further than the level it had already obtained.
Carefully avoiding averting his gaze, Zane does his best to give a serious, genuine, straightforward expression and have a tone to match. âMy apologies, Lola, but Iâm afraid I need to return to my friendsââ
âNo,â Lola interjects, abruptly and forcefully enough that it nearly has him flinching. âYour so-called âfriendsâ donât care for you like I do. They donât love you like I do. Youâre better off without them. Youâre better off with me.â
Well. That approach failed. Perhaps there is another manner that he could attempt instead?
âYou love me?â Zane asks, doing his best to keep the genuine expression he was wearing before.
âOf course! What makes you even have to ask?! I love you more than anyone else ever has or will, I swear it.â
âIf you love me⊠would such love be enough to release me instead of holding me hostage? Those who are in love with one another do not typically kidnap the person that they are in love with,â Zane tries.
Oh. The expression she is wearing now is very much implying that his attempt with this question was not a good idea. She very much did not like him asking this. But hopefully, being in love with him will mean that she is not willing to cause him harm, or anything else that may fit into a similar category to that�
âYou are staying here.â Lola states, her eyes narrowed to slits and her voice filled with determination and even force to go along with it. âYou are going to realize you love me, that Iâm the best thing in your life, the one who loves you more than anything and more than anyone else is even capable of, that the two of us are truly soulmates, and that everything in your life and destiny would be so much better if you would just admit all of that to yourself.â
Ah.
Erm.
âŠZane would like to go home now.
Yes, he would very much like to go home now, thank you very much. He is unsure what true options he actually has available to him at the current moment, but going home most certainly sounds more ideal than anything that involves staying in this particular situation and location.
Maybe a different route could workâŠ? Something that is perhaps more reasonable and logicalâŠ? Lola seems quite strange, but she does not have the behaviors of someone who would be labeled as âinsaneâ, so perhaps she will listen to reason if he expresses it in an effective enough manner?
âLove cannot be forced, and in the situations it is, that is not true love, and is instead psychological manipulation; a form of which that is used in that way being known as âlove-bombingâ. There are other forms as well, but none of which are true, actual love. You cannot convince someone who is not in love with you to gain that feeling and have it be genuine,â Zane explains, internally crossing his fingers that she will listen to him this time.
It seems not, as Lola looks even more upset than she did before. âIâm not manipulating you or forcing anything,â she says, a very angry note in her tone. âI love you. You love me too, you just havenât realized it yet. But you will. And I wonât be forcing anything at all.â
So it is clear that that did not work either. It seems that neither emotion nor logic are going to be an effective answer for him here, leaving him withâŠ
Does he even have any other possible solutions to convince her to release him? He could try suggesting the legal trouble she will likely be in when his teammates eventually find him and get him out of hereâhe trusts that they will come for him and save him sooner or later if he cannot escape himselfâbut he suspects that that will only make her more upset and possibly even less likely to be willing to let him go.
The static has faded from his hearing by this point, thankfully, and his vision is back to normal. He supposes he could attempt to fight his way out of here; after all, she only managed to capture him by taking him by surprise, and it is unlikely she could defeat a trained martial artist who is a ninja and Spinjitzu Masterâ
Except that would require him needing to get out of these handcuffs, and attempting Spinjitzu would most certainly unplug him, and since being plugged in is currently his only source of power and he is unaware of the current location of his power source⊠so it seems none of that is a true available option either.
If he could simply convince Lola to return his power source to him, he could at least make an attempt at escape, but his previous attempt at asking for it was ineffective, and Zane is not exactly all that good at socialization, and especially not at negotiation. This leaves him with options ofâŠ
Shakily releasing a breath, Zane once again tries for a genuine and serious expression and tone. âAre the handcuffs truly necessary?â he tries. âWhat with being plugged in for the energy I need to be conscious, I could not go anywhere if I wanted to. Why tie me up in addition to this? What purpose does it serve?â
All of what he has said there is true. Even if she removes the handcuffs, he will be no closer to being able to make an escape. But at the very least, he would not be tied down, and that is at least somewhat of an improvement on this current situation, even if it doesnât lead to any immediate true progress, is it not?
Before Lola gets the chance to speak and possibly deny him, Zane continues. âI believe it would be more comfortable without them. You said you love me, yes? What kind of love would have you wanting me in a position of discomfort?â
At that, she seems to consider his words, visibly looking as though she is genuinely thinking about what he has said. Hopefully, she will settle on the conclusion that the handcuffs are unnecessary, as to be quite honest⊠they really are. All they truly effectively add to his situation is discomfort and anxiousness. She does not want him feeling this way, right?
Right?
âI guess if it would make you more comfortableâŠâ Lola says slowly, her tone a touch cautious. âAnd if Iâm trying to make things more comfortable for you here, I guess I have a few things I could get that Iâm sure you would likeâŠâ
Zane gives the most realistic looking smile he can manage at the current moment. âThat sounds quite nice, thank you.â
Giving a slow nod, another smile starts to form on Lolaâs face, which Zane does not fully understand, but is hoping is for a reason that will not have him with more stress and anxiety.
âIâll be right back,â Lola says, and heads off without another word, explanation, or removing the handcuffs like she had seemed to have agreed to do. This leaves Zane alone, plugged into something as his only source of power to run on, while having his hands tied, and having no real actual answer to his current situation but waiting for his kidnapper that claims to be in love with him to return.
With a quiet sigh, Zane looks around at the place he is currently located. He seems to be in some kind of cabin, the type that he believes would typically be located somewhere in a wooded area.
That is certainly going to make finding him more difficult for his teammates and friends, isnât it.
âŠit would likely be for the best not to fixate on that. He is sure that they will come for him as soon as possible, and stressing over it is most certainly not going to speed things up. He will simply have to put his faith in them, and focus on his own plans of escapeâ or at the very least, plans at making his current situation less uncomfortable and stressful than it currently happens to be.
Hmm. Lola had stated that she is in possession of items she is sure that he will like. What items does she have? And why is she so certain that they will be something he will find favorable?
He wishes she had undone the handcuffs first, but it is too late for that now. It seems that there is really not much he can do but wait, as he is both trapped and unable to access just about anything with the technology within his head. Partially from the lack of wi-fi, but it also seems almost as though there is not just a lack of that, but another thing that creates some form of barrier.
It seems that Lola truly has thought this kidnapping through.
Itâs then that she returns, carrying a bag that looks as though it holds various items, along with having a set of keys. She still has a smile, and said smile is still continuing to make him feel uncomfortable and anxious over the current situation.
âSo!â she begins, âI was thinking that once you have your hands free, maybe youâd want to give me a hug? Or even maybe just cup my cheek for a few seconds or so? That would be good for the both of us, right?â
Zane allows himself a moment to process that.
If it means he gets his hands free⊠holding the side of her face in a palm is not all that extreme of an action, yes? Just for a few moments, at thatâŠ
Then again, he does not want to encourage her beliefs that the two of them are soulmates and in love with each other. Would getting his hands free be worth that risk? Or should he instead just resign himself to these handcuffs to prevent reinforcing her beliefs? After all, said beliefs are what got her to kidnap him and hold him hostage to begin with⊠judging by what sheâs said and her behavior so far, anyway.
But then again, she already believes it, does she not? Simple short physical contact is not going to do anything more than what already exists in her mind, correct?
Carefully, Zane gives a slow nod, refocusing on Lola andâ First Master, did she get closer to him while he was having that internal debate with himself? She most certainly seems to be much more in his face than she was previously.
âYes, with my hands free, I could rest one on the side of your face for a few moments or so,â Zane agrees, careful to keep his tone even and calm, as well as resisting the urge to attempt to put some distance between the two of them.
Lola beams, and with that, undoes the handcuffs. Of course, Zane is still trapped due to the power source situation, but it is nice to have his hands free, at least.
Keeping his word, he cautiously takes his right hand and uses it to cup the side of Lolaâs face. As soon as his hand is placed, he sets a timer for ten seconds.
The moment the ten seconds have passed, he removes his hand, and once again has to resist the urge to attempt to put some amount of distance between them, as she has most certainly gotten too close. But doing so could result in more upset emotions, and since he is not sure of what behaviors may come from those, it is better to be safe than sorry.
Thankfully, Lola moves back slightlyânot as much as before, but at least enough that heâs not feeling an incredibly strong urge to back away for safety reasons.
âAnd I brought you some things youâll like!â she says. Lifting up the bag, she reaches in and takes outâ
Hold on. Isnât that the âstim toyâ that Jay had gifted him that had gone missing and none of them were able to find? Why does she have it? How did she acquire it to begin with?! Whatâ
âAt first I was just getting them for me, but then I realized that youâd probably like having them yourself while youâre here!â
Okay.
As previously stated, Zane would very much like to go home now.
This woman has apparently been stealing his belongingsâwhich explains why so many of them had been going missing for so long nowâand has also kidnapped him, removed his power source, andâ
He doesnât even want to think about all of the various things that she has done. This situation is one he very much does not care to be in, and to be completely honest, is, at some level, fairly unnerving. Even more so than when he had been held hostage by Master Chen at his tournament.
What is he even supposed to do here? What can he even say? What can he do? He is very much regretting having fallen for the trap she had set to get him here. How could he have not realized what was going to happen? How could he have let himself get into this situation? He would like out, he would like all of this to be over, he would like to be back in the monastery and to never see this strange, unnerving woman again, thank you very much.
To be completely honest, what kind of person falls in love with someone theyâve never met? And then steals their belongings? And then kidnaps them in an attempt to convince them that they belong together?
âŠperhaps his previous thought of her not truly being insane was judging things a tad too early.
Hey! This is great! I think you did a good job with Lola đ I love both her and zanes characterization in this. Wonderful work! Im glad you liked her enough to write her!!
Ok so again still not sure why Iâm getting so invested in Lola but,,,, Iâm enjoying her and the Zane angst that comes with her, so would it be cool to try writing a snippet of what youâve described of what she does and what her plotline is? I donât know if Iâll actually fully get her character correct, but I think it would be fun to try if youâd be cool with it (and if not thatâs totally fine too donât feel pressured or anything /gen) (also ik the main fic Iâm known for is RoaN and I should probably be working on that instead like I keep saying I will but I promise no torture; yes angst but nothing that extreme I swear)
go right ahead :] i'm not really protective or anything over my fandom ocs so you could write a whole fic about her and i wouldn't mind- i appreciate and love any and all work from other creators in the fandom space of my characters. i like to share ! don't worry about getting her perfect, as long as you have fun that's all i care about. go wild !
i don't and wont restrict what type of content you make of her so if you want to do something extreme that's up to you. can't promise i'll read it if its too much for me personally but seriously do whatever ya want. this goes for basically all of my ninjago ocs really, they're free to use with credit (and maybe a disclaimer if you're taking a good deal of artistic liberty that deviates from my original vision, if that makes sense lol,)
tl;dr do whatever, have fun, write as much as you want
Hey so I was looking at some of your older(ish) art and found your OC Lolaâ she seems like a fun character, and when I looked for stuff about her on your blog I found a snippet that has a really cool plot set up too
Iâm not sure why I got so interested, but if itâs okay I wanted to ask about her? Like does she use pink colored contacts to make her eyes that color, or is it just a Ninjago thing because yeah unnatural eye colors can happen in Ninjago I thinkâ
Are the heart pupils from the contacts, or is that another natural thingy just as a fun trait because OC and fits the character? Meta-wise itâs fun and cool (to actual characters creepy and scary and angst once it reaches a certain level which it did with The Mechanic comic) about the whole how far sheâs willing to go to try and get Zaneâs approval and love, and seems to imply that thereâs literally nothing she wouldnât do for that and Iâm curious if thatâs what you meant to imply, and if sheâll do more things she very much should not that would freak out all the ninja in her trying to get Zane to love her. Like if Zane has a romantic relationship in this AU, would she try and get rid of whoever it is? In the really cool snippet you wrote, itâs implied she kidnapped himâ what would she do with him after doing that? Vengestone so he canât escape? Verbally trying to convince him like in The Mechanic death comic that she loves him more than anyone else ever could or would or will? Having figured out his favorite foods from her stalking before and try to like sit on his lap while heâs trapped there and feed it to him?
Sorry for rambling this hard in your asks about a character you havenât even mentioned in a hot minute; again idk why Iâm so invested in her to begin withâ the plot and story stuff that could come from her just seems really cool (or thatâs could just be the side of me thatâs a little too invested in Zane angst lol)
Also (last thing in this ramble of an ask) I did a somewhat lazy sketch (and a very slightly more cleaned up version of it but honestly Iâm not sure which looks better) of her holding onto Zane in what sheâs interpreting as a romantic gesture and is both scaring him and stressing him out:
Yes ik the anatomy is off but again it was a fairly lazy sketch and I didnât put all that much effort in cleaning it upâ
hi!! Thank you for the ask !! Her eyes are naturally pink but the heart shape is more to show her character. if she were real she'd have pink iris's and normal pupils, but in art i gotta give her that unnatural heart shaped pupil lol.
your art is really good !!! ty!! i like the expression you gave her, its loving but almost detached- very true to her character
(tw, discussions of consent issues, abuse, kidnapping, extreme toxic relationships.)
Yes, she would do anything to make Zane love her. she actually writes him letters every week- and while a majority of them are stamped and sent through the mail service, there's a lot that arent stamped. which is to say, she put them in the mailbox herself. She made the trek up to the monastery to hand deliver them. She doesn't worry too much about Zanes other romantic partner(s?) because in her mind, he will eventually realize that she's his soulmate. these people simply arent a threat. she thinks it's kinda cute and funny that other people have crushes on him in the same way it's funny when little kids get 'married' on the playground.
that being said, if he ever rejected her in a way she couldn't delude herself into thinking he didn't mean- like if he said no and she had no choice but to take that at face value- she would have an INTENSE downward spiral that would lead to her attempting to murder EVERYONE he has ever known. when he has no one left, then he'll understand how much he needs her. i'm all you have now. don't you get it? i'm all you will EVER have.
which is a more deadly version of what she does do. She follows him out on a shopping trip, manages to lure him into an alley for an 'autograph' while holding a cattle prod behind her back. she electrocutes him until his body is overloaded and forces a shut down then takes him out to her fathers old remote cabin deep in the wilderness. she removes his powersource and plugs him up to a cord in the wall, ensuring he can't unplug and leave. there's no wifi, no satellite, no nothing. he can't call for help, he can't escape. Her sole plan is to prove to him she can be his everything. his world. he can be happy if he just learns to love her. she can wait forever until he comes around.
She actually gives him a lot of space, for the most part. in her mind, she wants him to choose to love her, not force him to. so even though she's kidnapped him and is keeping him trapped and holding things over his head, as long as he makes the decision to hug her or hold her hand then shes not at fault. even if the alternative is some sort of punishment or deprivation. "you can hug me, or i could shorten your cable so you cant get out of the corner of the room. it's your choice." type of deal.
she is constantly using really fucked up phrasing to tear him down, too. "Do you think anyone else really loves you? they let x, y, and z happen. i wouldn't let that happen." "They don't care about you." "they forgot about you the moment you were gone. but i didn't." "i'll never leave you. i'll never belittle you. i'll never look down on you." she's trying to break him down. She is a BAD PERSON. she extremely hot and cold, some days super nice and others very closed off and mean. Zane has to walk on eggshells around her a lot of the time. she kills the mechanic and its incredibly easy for her. like she has no issue tearing his head off and presenting it to zane as a sign of her devotion and she's quick to outbursts of violence.
she's a stalker. she's obsessed. she is extremely dangerous and Zane is in troubleeee
Hey! I really loved the fic "A Black Mile to the Surface" and I was wondering if it has a chance for more chapters?đ„č because I think I've reread it like...5 times and I can't help but feel nervous about this beautiful work not being updated ever. àŒàș¶â âżâ àŒàș¶
It will continue! Hit a wall where I want to get into the meatier sections but I gotta get through the slow stuff first, so its a bit of a crawl writting wise. Also gunning for a promotion at work, helping my friend plan her wedding, and house sitting so im away from my computer (writing is much less fun on my ipad...) so. Busy is an understatement lol
That being said- not abandoned, fully plan on continuing!! Im really glad you like it!
Shard was, in Zane's purely objective and not at all biased opinion, the most beautiful dragon in the world.
She was built lean, all hard-packed muscle and little fat despite the harsh winters she would endure and, ultimately, embody. Smaller than the other three creation dragons, she was no less fierce. Theyâd learned that quickly- four different beasts in the same territory always led to disputes, especially in the case of things as powerful and proud as dragons. Shard made it clear she was no easy target despite her size, leaving Flame, Wisp, and Rocky with her fair share of nips and scratches during their occasional obnoxious male posturing.
Her iridescent scales shone a multitude of color in the hot summer sun, flickering and shimmering as she stalks along the monastery courtyard. She twitches her skin as she paces, rolling wave-like patterns trickling down her sides as she raises her scales to aid with airflow. Her scales were weighted and hardy, thicker than even Rockys- made to trap heat. A great asset in the frozen tundra, a grave annoyance in the heavy humidity of Ninjago city. Occasionally she beats her wings, the gossamer thin webbing (more for show than actual flight, her ability to float through the clouds a mystery of ancient power) stretching thin and causing the light passing through to fractal in kaleidoscope patterns, stirring up dead leaves and dirt as she forces cool air through the thick fur along her underbelly.
For her babies, his mind supplies easily, as if sheâd told him herself once she caught him watching her, the chill cannot reach them with her in the nest, curled around them soft and warm.
He could wax poetic about her for hours, really. The elegant curve of her horns. The thick navy fur along her jaw and her claws, insulation against frost in a way that was charming and fancy but also quite silly- her paws cartoonishly oversized. Her eyes, so intelligent, a brilliant ruby red that put Kaiâs gi to shame.
âWhatâs his name?â Cole asks curiously, when thereâs a moment of respite and they are all free to talk about such things. They all seemed to just⊠know these tidbits about their dragon. Wu had said something about bonds, deep connections through their element. Rocky chuffs impatiently when Cole pauses stroking that great earth shattering snout.
âHer name is Shard.â Zane informs him, passing a cool hand over the scale plating along the column of her throat.
âWait, sheâs a girl?â Jay crows, crass and stupid and with a nasal laugh that he cuts off when he catches Nya's glare.
Wu blinks, gazing at the beast before them all, âA girl?â He hums, and then looks at Zane in a way that makes him feel quite awkward and unsure as to what faux pas he has just accidentally committed. Was she⊠not supposed to be?
âIs that a bad thing, Master Wu?â He asks bluntly.
âNo, no, Zane.â Wu smiles reassuringly, âI had just thought she was a boy.â
âWell, she is not.â He frowns hard and Shard presses against him in her own way of comforting the odd swell of distress he was feeling- for entirely no logical reason at all.
Later, in the library during a sleepless night, Zane reads up on their dragons.
Did you know that the gender of their elemental dragons always, always, always matched their master's gender? Without exception? Another quirk of that deep and ancient bond. Always.
Zane rolls the scroll back up, puts it away, and quietly goes to bed where she simply stares up at the ceiling and doesnât sleep at all.
UHHHH say that ur in the sf/dawtde trenches. do you have any thoughts to share on d3rking (Derek x KIY). if not then slimeknight? and if not that who's ur fav character from the arg?
im in the trenches badddd bro. @spixxal for all my SFAWTDE fanart. Posting fics on Ao3 at thatkindghost too.....
d3rking my toxic yaoi. Genuinely this is them for me. (I also view them as extremely problematic together so warning for discussions of abusive relationships)
it has gotttt to be toxic and fucked up for me personally. Power imbalance cranked to eleven. I love the idea of KiY being obsessed and intrigued by this random mortal who withstood infinite knowledge, wanting to study and inspect him like a bug- in some fucked up way that translates to an eldritch beings closest approximation to human love. Of course, a gods idea of love is something more primordial and scary than obsession and manic devotion. KiY would treat Derek like blorbo from his shows- putting him in situations just to observe how he would react, things ranging from really good to very, very bad.
KiY: you have torture labyrinth tomorrow
Derek: what?
KiY: you gotta get tortured for eternity tomorrow
Der on the other hand has a similar curiostiy and intrigue in KiY, but hatessss him. Being around the King soothes the pain from infinite knowledge so he wants to be around him. the fact that he has the knowledge at all intertwines their souls irreparably. Der feels that same sense of devotion and love but its like a foreign parasite, in a way? his feelings are wicked complicated. not a good relationship at all.
slimeknight on the other hand................... they r meant to be.
Derek loves averyyyyy he loves him. their chemistry was crazy for REAL. My current hobby is watching reaction videos and the amount of time people go "woah whats going on with these two?" in the library scene... flirtinggggggg babe. i know you can die for your friend platonically but that simply wasn't the case here.
Der has seen all of avery and loves him. he doesn't think he's stupid. he thinks he's capable of great things. in another life, i think he would have encouraged and helped avery achieve whatever he dreamed of. he's sweet and understand and patient with him, not judging Avery when he doesn't quite get what it is derek's saying. I think Der values Avrys opinions and admires the detrermined, kind person he is.
Avery doesn't really know Der but he was already ready to fight a god for him. Avery is just such a genuinely good person. I think he would have really benefited from Dereks calmer, more analytical nature. they would have made an amazing duo in like, an SMP or something. I think avery has low self esteem and he also values der's opinion, so seeing der say he knows he'll do something great is something that will stick with him for life.
Commission for @kayyeh1! Thank you for working with me!
Summary:
Zane is caught an an explosion. Recovery isn't so instantaneous this time.
...It's hard to rely on others.
Relationship: Cole/Zane- Glaciershipping
Wordcount: 7.5k
Warnings: Zane is pretty hurt in this fic. Includes a lot of robot injuries, pain, and robogore.
It should have been easy. Zane should have known then and there just how out of control the situation would get- a snowball rolling down a hill, gathering stones and sticks and ice until it became a bone breaking hazard. This would be worse than broken bones. Itâs almost funny how much explosives look like they do in cartoons. Thereâs no cherry red dynamite sticks here, but the shape is the same. Pipes stacked together, wires spiraling out thick and multicolored and connected to a ticking clock. A nasty piece of work with only 28 seconds left before the inevitable. Thereâs no room to figure out how to disarm it in that preciously narrow window presented before him. The Mechanic was long gone, disappearing out the back door after setting this whole warehouse to blow- Heâs left a majority of his underlings behind. All of them fighting the ninja and so blissfully ignorant of the death handed out carelessly by their employer. The building and the bodies inside condemned.
Heâs the only one whoâs seen it. The stinging punch to his chest that knocked him flat on his back is more of a blessing than a bruise. His head turned just right to spot the trap hidden under the metal work bench. He scrambles to his feet, artificial adrenaline overwhelming his system into sharp focus.
23 seconds left.
No time to run the numbers- thereâs only action, what he can do here and now in this moment to minimize the number of casualties. A wall of ice is the obvious choice, but thereâs only a handful of seconds to fortify it. No way it can withstand the full concussive force of the blast, but he can make it thick enough to stop the shrapnel, or at least most of it. Probably. If he starts now.
A curling rime of frost forms from his feet as he reaches deep into his element, grabbing it with metaphorical fingers into soft, powdery metaphorical snow- crunching his fist to compact it into hard chunks. Itâs more force than heâs ever used before, ice yanking up from the ground in two foot thick sheets. Already his body is hit with a wave of exhaustion, but there will be time to rest later. He pulls harder, forcing the ice to crawl upwards towards the ceiling. It splinters and shudders at the brutality, cracking vertically in several spots as he draws it up too quick, too frantic. At the last second, he sweeps his hands out and sends the flat chunks hurtling outwards on slippery icy tracks.
Thereâs several cries of alarm as the walls barrel into the fight, friend and foe alike squashed flat like bugs on a windshield. He just needs to get them away. Push them as far as he can- if the ice doesnât hold, the distance will save them. He has to do everything he can before the timer reaches zero and-
The bomb detonates.
The world is a whitehot fireball of agony. There is nothing but pain ricocheting up and down his body, everything is upside down and sideways. Something in his head is broken and he canât tell where he is- if heâs standing or lying down, prone or supine. If he even has a body anymore at all. Red warnings are all over his vision, alarm bells ringing in his mind as his sensors light up with information- torn, broken, shattered, crushed. A small ping as his system kindly notifies him heâs low on oil. A map of his body pops up in front of his eyes. The sensors not flashing red with damage are dead and black, whole swathes of his body gone. Or, at least, too damaged for his system to recognize anymore. There is nothing past the catastrophic warnings. No visual input other than the screens spelling out his destruction. His outside vision is gone. The only sense he had remaining is smell- the acrid stench of smoke and burning oil, gag inducing if he still had the ability to gag.
Too close. He was too close. Thereâs brief flashes of connection. He can feel his fans struggling to turn. He can feel the space where his arm isnât. His face is wet. The lead weight of nausea from his insides spilled out onto the floor. His body jerking, shuddering, jittering with misfiring components. There is nothing in this pain that makes him proud, that makes it feel worth it. There is endless suffering. His clock is ruined. He has no idea how long he lies here before his system shudders, flickers, and finally gives. Heâs vaguely aware of the shutdown coming but it doesnât feel like a relief.
A hand cupping his face. He feels it for just a second before it all goes dark- how long heâs been held, he doesnât know. Itâs barely a comfort. Then there is quiet, blessed nothingness.
Shutdown passes slow and syrupy, like drifting through molasses. Heâd read a study once, years ago, on the placebo effect. It claimed that people, under the heavy unconsciousness of anesthesia, were more likely to feel better if the act of a surgery was charaded around them. The sound of doctors and nurses penetrating through to some deeper part of their mind that insisted the procedure was actually performed, versus the placebo patients that were just left alone to sleep in silence. If he had to liken a shutdown to anything, this is what heâd default to first. Not aware, but not entirely oblivious. The low murmur of voices and the sounds of soldering telling the deep dregs of his programming that he was okay, now, and he was going to feel better soon. Enough to wake up naturally.
Except a gentle, soft return to reality doesnât happen this time. In the deep well of his mind, he notes the absence of noise, no indication he was undergoing the intense repairs he so desperately needed. There were small things here and there. Just enough. He doesnât wake on his own, and is instead jump started like a low battery car. A sudden jolt, the kick-start of his fans already on high, and consciousness shot into him like a bullet between the eyes. Holy dark is ripped from him, and heâs thrust into an unforgiving present.
He is not given even a second to realize heâs awake before the pain comes. Not so sharp and all consuming as it was, but thick and heavy and rolling through him. Any empty space inside him is filled with hurt. The thin gap between his outer shell and the metal framework of his skeleton and wires and other moving parts is suddenly a chasm bursting with aches. He whimpers before he can reign in his reactions, twisting helplessly on something comfortable and plush as he searches for the position that will ease the flashing red lights filling his vision once more. The nausea returns, and this time he actually retches, turning to try and vomit up whatever is causing the sickness in his belly. Thereâs nothing to purge, so he ends up flopped over the edge of what must be his bed coughing weakly.
Large, warm hands catch him before he slides off the cliff and onto the floor, maneuvering his back onto his pillows with comforting words. An unintelligible murmur that Zane thinks is supposed to be comforting, at least. The low timbre of the voice alerts him to Cole's presence. He feels himself begin to shake suddenly, his body trembling with the urge to cry and he tries to grab at the hands holding him. He doesnât want the touch to go. Everything hurts, even the contact against his fragile and overworked artificial nerves is grating- but heâs never felt so pathetic and lonely. Itâs only him in this dark, harrowing place. He doesnât want to be alone.
Only one of his arms responds and he uses it to paw at the pressure on his shoulders, grasping at Cole until the other man intertwines their fingers.
â...ybe this wasn⊠ood idea.â the featureless hum forms into clips and pieces of words.
âA diagno⊠necessary for the next steps iâŠâ Pixal..? Nya. his head is starting to pound. Other people. Not just Cole. Hold it together, Zane. Donât cry. Donât whimper.
âWhen wil⊠arrivâŠâ he should be trying harder to listen, to understand whatâs going on. Cole's hand is warm.
â...pecial order⊠days⊠may tak⊠eeksâŠâ Pixnya answers. He should be more concerned that his processor canât differentiate their voices, but thereâs no energy left for that worry.
Zane falls asleep.
Sleep is different from a shutdown. Almost always, he dreams. In this space made of something sharp and stinging, his mind is black and cold. There is no rest to be found here.
Waking up this time is like surfacing from the ocean after being knocked over by a rogue wave. Tumbling end over end, a stuttering panic, disoriented and lost and desperate for air. He surges up- tries to, at least. His body protests any movement that engages his lower spine and he slams back down on the sheets before he can fully rise. His fans arenât turning, failing to activate for several long moments before jack-rabbiting into action. His eyes are open and this time he can finally, really see. Dark wood above him, pale walls, the painting heâd picked out at a flea market with Cole two years ago- his room. Home, but the walls and spinning and distorting above him. Nausea again. Do not throw up.
A calloused hand cradling his face and this is the first time the touch doesnât hurt. A shape leans over him and it gives Zane something to focus on, his good hand coming up to grip Cole's wrist as his face sharpens into view. The room sways still, but Cole is his anchor. His rock.
âHey, Hey, youâre okay.â Cole whispers, his thumb stroking over the sculpt of Zane cheekbones soothingly, âItâs alright, Zane, Iâm here.â
Zane exhales shakily. He doesnât usually need to breathe, but it helps to calm him. He was human in that way. He presses his cheek more firmly against Cole's palm and basks in the contact. The room is dim and cool, but Cole's fingers are hot where they rest against him.
âYou with me, pinkie?â Cole murmurs.
âY-â Â He coughs hard. His throat hurts, but everything hurts so itâs really not all that special, â...Yes.â
Some of the tension around Cole's eyes relaxes, âOh man, I missed your voice.â he leans down and ghosts his face over Zanes' own. Not touching, but close enough that Zane can feel the soft puff of breath as Cole lets out a wobbly and relieved chuckle.
Something wet drips onto his face and Zane can't see very well, but heâs certain itâs tears. Cole is crying.
âYou scared me.â He whispers and if it was possible for Zane's heart to hurt any more that it already did, the tremble in Cole's voice would have done it.
âI apologize.â He offers weakly, his own shaking hand rubbing Cole's wrist in his best attempt at comfort in his current state.
âDonât.â Cole says simply, tapping his forehead feather-light against Zane's own, âHow do you feel?â
Bad. Awful. Sick. Weak. Wrong. âI am alright.â he reassures him.
â...Okay, um. How do you feel, except no bullshit answer this time?â Cole tries again, pulling back to frown at him.
Zane feels himself cow a little bit under that particular look, âNot⊠great.â He mutters.
âYeah.â Cole looks uncomfortable, âYeah uh, you got⊠you got really messed up. Pix, Jay, and Nya did what they could but uh, youâve got a lot of damage to some pretty specific, specialized parts.â
Closing his eyes, Zane breathes deeply for a few moments.
âItâs not gonna be a quick fix. Some of this stuff could take over a week to come in.â Cole delivers all the bad news at once. Thereâs something to be said about ripping off the bandaid, but unfortunately Zane will be keeping his literal bandages on for a long while yet.
âAh.â
âYeah⊠yeah.â Cole sounds like a parrot at this point, unable to say anything other than that. âWe could⊠Do you want us to put you back into shutdown until we have everything all done? Pixal said it was important you were online for some diagnostics but those should be over for now. We can put you back into a, uh, coma?â
Coma. That was a pretty valid descriptor for prolonged shutdown. The idea is so very tempting- everything aches still. So, so badly. Pain was a useful tool his father had given him, allowing him to recognize when his body was in need of repair or when he was pushing himself too hard. It was something that he, unlike Pixal, could not turn off. He was built to be human, after all. The good and the bad pieces all woven so deep into his core coding that it was baked into his being. Though perhaps his father could have written in an ibuprofen cheat code or something⊠constructive criticism if he ever meets him again.
âNo,â He finally responds. It would be easy, but the idea of it rankled. Heâd never been fond of long-term blackouts. The stagnation made him feel⊠alien. Weird and wrong. It had a profound negative effect on his mental state. While pain would no doubt push him into a bout of depression, waking up with no memory of the past week would certainly cause a spiral. Heâs almost a little proud at his self awareness- but really it was the memory of Pixal in his head on Chen's island, desperately trying to convince him he was Zane in that dark cave while he pitched headfirst into fear and confusion induced hallucination. Itâs not a memory he was eager to repeat.
âOkay.â Cole says easily, stroking his thumb over Zane's face so, so gently, âWhatever you want.â
He wants the pain to stop, but thatâs a foolish, childish desire here and now. He doesnât voice it. It would only make Cole sad if he said it, he doesnât like to feel helpless.
He wants to sleep again, but it wonât come. His processor is picking apart the memories quietly in the background of his mind, defragmenting the mess of the past few days. His skin is buzzing uncomfortably. Itâs so quiet and it makes the aches louder. His eyes feel wet. Maybe he could ask Cole to read to him. His old favorites, something comforting and familiar- Austen or Fitzgerald or Plath. Maybe poetry. Maybe one of Cole's favorite books. He searches Cole's face as well as he can. His boyfriend is exhausted, worn down to the bone and bent over his bed awkwardly. He lets go of his wrist.
âYou should get some rest.â Zane whispers weakly as he lets his own hand flop down on the comforter. He tries to smile reassuringly, but it doesnât feel right on his face. Nothing feels right. âI will be okay.â
Cole stares at him for a long time and Zane canât quite make out the complicated emotions swirling there, â...I wish youâd let me help you.â
They stare at each other for a moment. Suddenly, Zane is certain this isnât the first time theyâd had this conversation. Heâd woken up before. Heâd pushed Cole away then, too. Maybe a dozen times. Trying so hard to be fine.
Finally, slow and unsure, Zane manages to ask, âWill you read me a story?â
Cole smiles shakily and stands up, heading for the bookshelf.
Theyâd fallen asleep at some point. Cole was laying next to him in bed, head tilted sideways in what would certainly lead to a crick in his neck in the morning. Frankenstein laid flat and forgotten in his lap- the comedy of the choice was not lost on Zane. With the state of his body, he certainly felt like a cobbled together amalgamation of things, too. It wasnât the desire to hear the next chapter that rouses him from his sleep, but a sudden intensifying bout of pain.
His power source was glowing so bright that white washed out all of the cool blues. There was a slightly burnt smell permeating the air as arcs of electricity charred tiny holes in the blanket covering him. His whole body was stiff and tense, every spring or hydraulic under his metallic skin pulled so tight he was trembling and creaking with the force. Oh, it hurts. It hurts. He was being crushed to death. His own body was crumpling up like an empty soda can stomped flat.
Heâs staring up at some indeterminate spot on the wall, just above the bookshelf. Itâs smooth and flat and of no interest to anyone at all, but he can't tear his eyes away. Heâs never been so scared in his life- itâs irrational fear, he can understand that in an abstract way. Thereâs nothing to be scared of. His body convulses.
Thereâs a low pitched whining noise coming from something- is it- oh- itâs him. Heâs making that noise. Itâs too quiet to wake Cole.
His chest sparks as he convulses again, the burn smell growing a touch stronger. Cole had insisted upon building a pillow wall in between them so he wouldnât accidentally cuddle up to Zane too roughly in his sleep, and heâd been a little sad about it as Cole had separated them. Now, he was impossibly grateful. He'd shock him if he were closer. Heâd hurt him.
The door to his room flings open and Pixal rushes in, looking haggard. Cole jolts awake at the sound of the door bouncing off the wall with a hearty BANG, âHuh? Pixal?â he asks groggily, but sheâs too busy tearing the blanket off of Zane to answer him.
His vision is filled with black spots. In his peripherals, sheâs holding some tube shaped object- that she promptly jams into his core once all obstacles are removed. The whole room fills with light and the sound of electricity popping before his body relaxes, turning loose and liquid in bed.
âDonât touch him.â Pixal orders tersely before Cole can reach out to comfort him, âI knew I should have-â She swears lowly before pivoting to explain what happened, âHis system got stuck in a feedback loop. Heâs overloaded right now. He could seriously shock you, so just wait for the drain to finish.â that must be the tube currently protruding from his chest. An energy drain?
Heâs so exhausted he canât really keep up with the whole situation. His body is buzzing again, the oversensitive pain from before returning full force. Even the soft blanket laying against his arms feels like sand paper. He wants to cry again, but he can't muster the energy- ironic, in a way. All this power and heâs still so empty.
âIâm going to install a temporary regulator once youâre stable, Zane.â She informs him as the container in his chest fills to the brim with blue energy, âItâll be a tube connected to your core. It will make it so this doesnât happen again.â
âHowâd you know he wasâŠâ Coleâs brows furrow as he tries to recall the word she used. âOverloadingâŠ?â
âI have his diagnostics wirelessly set up to a computer in the garage downstairs.â She explains as she gently disconnects the current energy siphon and attaches another, âLike a nurses station at a hospital. I should have connected myself to the program so I could monitor his vitals better. I got distracted.â Her mouth twists down in a sour frown. âIâm sorry, Zane.â
He makes a low, distressed noise at her apology.
âI know,â She fiddles with a few wires on his chest and glances at her smartwatch, clearly checking his energy levels again, âYou do not want me to apologize or to worry. Well, that is too bad. You have no say in the matter.â
Cole nods sagely, âSheâs right, frosty. You canât stop us from caring about ya.â
He closes his eyes. Itâs not like he could argue with them anyway.
âIâll go get my tools. Heâs stable, and you should be fine to touch him again.â She lingers until Cole gently pets Zane's hair, just to make sure there were any shocking surprises waiting for him. Zane doesnât know how long sheâs gone, floating in a hazy space of pain and forced dissociation. The only thing keeping him from completely losing himself is Cole's fingers brushing soothing circles over his temple.
Pixal comes back with plenty of tools, carefully removing the second tube. âThese things arenât good long term,â She says as she places it next to the other one, âThey arenât regulated. They pull until theyâre full- good for emergencies, but not feasible for excessive use.â
She says more stuff- something about retention valves and regurgitation and backflow. The cord she installs now will siphon off excess and a little extra, a failsafe in case of another rapid overload, dripping energy into a battery theyâll need to routinely change until his systems can regulate their own energy production again.
âThisâll help him feel better?â Cole asks.
Thereâs a pause before Pixal carefully answers, âIt will take care of the overload problem.â At Cole's pointed frown she grimaces, âIt should be better in the long run. Excess energy is agonizing if not taken care of properly⊠but there is no way to add a foreign circulatory system that doesnât hurt. Zane doesnât go numb like a human would.â She explains, wilting in helplessness.
It does hurt. He feels like he did that time the mechanic wrapped his hand around his heart and tried to rip it out. A weight that pulls endlessly on the soft and tender cords of his power core- but it is infinitely more bearable than that world consuming pain heâd just laid with.
âThank you.â he whispers.
Pixal takes his hand and squeezes, trying for a smile that reaches her eyes and failing miserably.
â-and check this out!â Jay, with as much flair and pizzazz possible- which is, perhaps, entirely too much for the situation at hand- slaps a button on the handle of the wheelchair. With an underwhelming click something pops out of the side of the custom-made mobility aid, right above the wheel, âthis thing has freaking cup holderrrrrrs!!â
He produces a bottle of soda from his bag and drops it into the slot perfectly. âIâll hold for applause.â He says graciously, grinning and puffed up in pride.
âAh, that is very thoughtful, Jay.â Zane murmurs. Jay doesnât seem put off by his lackluster response- probably because this is the first time since the incident where heâs heard Zane say a full, uninterrupted sentence.
Usually, Zane would point out how he doesnât actually need to drink as a nindroid but⊠well, currently, he most certainly does. In perfect health an android stores enough power to function normally with a little left over. As injured as he is, and with the new energy regulator dumping his reserves to far lower than his body typically runs on, his body is reliant on outside energy sources. Eating and drinking is a far more pleasant way to keep his body going than being plugged into an outlet or removing the regulator. Heâd happily have a nice cooked meal before risking another overload.
Jay steps back with a smile so Zane can see his work in its entirety, âSo, now that Pixalâs got your spine stabilized, would you like to take it for a spin?â
Zane winces at the reminder of the back brace bolted into what passed for android ribs. He was grateful for it since he could finally sit up, but it was an unpleasant sensation nonetheless. Though his entire existence since waking up yesterday was an unpleasant sensation. He hesitates to respond.
âŠIt was an incredibly kind gesture. Jay had spent all his free time- and even some of his not so free time, if Nyas grumbling about his insomnia was any clue- building this for him. The wheelchair was ice blue and pink, decked out with all sorts of fun little amenities and padded with soft cushions and fabrics to make the experience as painless as possible. One of the arm rests was curved up on the side so his bad arm wouldnât flop off the side.
Hidden under the other arm rest was a button he could push that notified the others when he wanted to be moved. It pinged their Borg brand smart watches with a cute little chip tune Jay had made himself.
The monastery wasnât made very well to accommodate a wheelchair or else Jay would have made it electric. As it stands, thereâs too many stairs or uneven floors for that to be feasible. So this was the⊠the best option.
It was an incredibly kind gesture! But the idea of having to bother everyone else to move him was⊠hard. To be comfortable with.
Jay looked so hopeful. Zane finally nodded, âIt would be nice to leave this room.â he acquiesces.
Looking like he won the lottery, Jay perks up with a small cheer, âI knew youâd love it!â Thereâs a pause as Jay looks at him expectantly. Jay's smile drops a little and he seems embarrassed, âOh, right, sorry. Iâll need to go get someone to help me move you over!â
Zane's belly curls unhappily, âAh⊠yesâŠâ He was very heavy, after all. Even missing as much as he did. Cole would be the obvious, least shameful person, but he was in the shower. âPerhaps we can wait for Cole, then.â he says, looking down at where his hands were folded in his lap.
âWhat? Nah, I'll just go get Kai or something. We can handle it!â but Jay doesnât move.
Zane looks up and startles as he realizes Jay is very carefully studying him, âAlright. I will⊠wait here.â he offers weakly.
Instead of accepting the dismissal, Jay plops down on the wheelchair and rolls it forward so heâs closer to Zane. Face to face and on his level, âYou donât like it.â He guesses frankly. Zane is too quick to forget how perceptive Jay really is. Heâs looking at him like heâs a puzzle that needs to be solved, analyzing every interaction in the past fifteen minutes to find all the pieces.
Something about his face must give him away because Jay leans back against the seat with raised eyebrows, âYou donât like that you canât do it yourself.â And he sees the image in full. Itâs almost effortless for him.
His shoulders drop and he canât think of a way to refute it that doesnât sound like a lie.
Jay pushes himself forward and back with the balls of his feet, ruminating over it for a moment. âI get it, yâknow? It's sorta difficult to rely on others. I, uh, didnât have a lot of support growing up. My parents were there of course, but other than them⊠I just learned to be pretty self-sufficient.â He stops, bites his lip in an old bad habit Zane should scold him for, âBut, uh, weâre friends. And friends donât let friends suffer alone. It took a while for me to really be okay with that. Leaning on you guys and stuff. Metaphorically, since I'm too short to use you as an arm rest heh.â
He looks awkward and unsure, frustrated with the way his words were coming out, âWhat I'm trying to say is that thereâs nothing wrong with asking your friends for help. Ever, but especially with recent circumstances, okay?â
Zane nods, throat tight. Jay keeps looking at him so Zane clears his throat with a cough, âOkay. I⊠suppose youâre right.â
Jay offers him a small smile, âI usually am!â he stands up then, âIâll be right back!â And with that, heâs gone.
He comes back with Lloyd instead of Kai, and something about this makes any progress Zane might have been feeling towards his status as a burden wither up and die. Lloyd wasnât supposed to take care of him. He was still that little kid Zane taught to cook, deep down- the tiny boy in the oversized hoodie that looked to Zane with pride the first time he flipped a pancake without it landing lopsided and lumpy. Lloyd doesnât seem put off by the situation at all, hooking his arms under Zane's shoulders and hefting him into the chair with Jay's help. They talk over him as Zane sits there unhappily, arranging his legs and making sure the strap around his waist was secured properly.
Lloyd grabs the throw blanket at the foot of the bed and tucks it around Zane's waist so the damage to his legs was hidden. He feels himself relax a little at that- he didn't realize how exposed heâd felt until he was covered.
âAlright, where to?â Lloyd asks brightly, stepping behind Zane and grabbing the handles of the wheelchair.
Jayâd left at some point. Zane was too busy wallowing to notice Lloyd quietly shoo him away.
He tries to think of the path of least resistance, âHow about the library?â He offers.
Lloyd nods easily and begins to scoot him along. Despite everything, it is nice to be out of his room. He never thought heâd be someone who got stir crazy, but staring blankly up at the ceiling had gotten old rather quickly. Thereâs a bump and the wheelchair stops abruptly- why? Zane was certain the path to this wing of the monastery was a smooth ride. He tries to look but he canât put any weight on his bad arm.
âOops,â Lloyd huffs out a laugh, âMy bad.â He walks around the chair to crouch in front of Zane, pulling up the loose edge of the blanket heâd run over and tucking it behind Zane's foot.
He doesnât say anything as he miserably watches Lloyd maneuver his foot like a child's.
After the blanket is freshly secured, Lloyd settles down onto his knees in front of him, âZane?â he says quietly.
Zane looks up at his face and Lloyd is giving him a sad look, âDo you want me to go get someone else?â
What was wrong with him? Was his mask slipping so badly? A little pain and suddenly he couldnât hold it together enough not to worry his friends. He's acutely aware heâs in a spiral but canât stop himself, feeling lower and lower with every second.
Lloyd swallows and awkwardly goes to fill the silence, âI was gonna try and talk to you in the library. Say something inspiring or whatever, like a good leader but⊠it feels like I'm just making things worse for you. I guess even the green ninja messes up sometimes, huh?â
Itâs meant as a lighthearted joke, something to break the tension. Zane says, âYou are not messing anything up.â instead of laughing.
Another pause, âThanks, Zane.â He almost seems guilty about Zane's words. âBut itâs not about me right now, yeah? Is there anything I can do for you?â
His filter has grown gossamer thin throughout this ordeal, words slipping through his mind and past his lips before he can analyze them and shape them into something kinder, âI do not want your help.â Immediately he wants to snatch the words back out of the air, but itâs not possible. Even if it was, he was in no condition to successfully grab anything.
âOh.â Lloyd says flatly, doing everything in his power to conceal the sting of those words.
He has to fix this, âIt is not⊠You should not have to help me.â he tries.
âI am supposed to take care of you.â Zane admits weakly.
That seems to explain everything. Lloyds face opens up with understanding, mouth forming an O before he offers Zane another sad smile, âThank you, Zane, for everything you did for me as a kid. You were there when I needed you so⊠let me return the favor.â he tries. When Zane doesnât respond, he rests his hand on Zane's softly. Heâd been picking at the fibers of the blanket, and now his fingers stilled, âThere is no shame in accepting my help, Zane. I want to help you. This doesnât make me see you any differently, you know? Youâll always be someone I rely on. I want to be someone you can rely on, too.â
âI love you.â Lloyd says as he stands, leaning over to lightly lay his head on top of Zanes. A real hug wasnât a good idea- but this little sign of affection worked just as well. Zane has to wipe away a few stray tears.
âI love you too.â
Heâs in the kitchen today, doing his best to help with dinner. Kai was humming to himself while Zane prepared some of the spices for the chili. Rarely was Kai so particular about teaspoons and tablespoons while he cooked, but heâd handed him an old recipe card so Zane could help. It was almost patronizing if it wasnât so refreshing to be cooking again. He rarely went three days without preparing some sort of meal and he was having withdrawals. After expertly and so carefully doling out the proper ratio of chili powder to cumin, Zane was all done with his assigned tasks.
He was absolutely not satisfied.
Kai was busy browning the ground beef on the stove. The tomatoes needed to be diced, and the knives were all within reaching distance⊠Well, he could cut a tomato, one handed or not. How hard could it be? Heâd been cooking for years at this point. He could mince garlic with his eyes closed!
Quietly, so Kai wouldnât catch on and fuss over him, Zane grabs a knife and prepares to make himself useful. Without a second hand to steady the fruit, the first slice failed and sent the tomato skittering off the counter. Zane jerked sideways to catch it, dropping the knife with a small clatter. Success! He caught it! One catch: the sudden movement caused his system to jolt and his chest spit sparks, pain ricocheting up his shoulder and down his chest, curling upwards up his throat too and ending with a splitting headache at the top of his head. His chest feels wet now, too.
Kai made a distressed sound, darting over to him. His hands hovered while the sparks died down before he steadied Zane, helping him sit upright again.
âZane! What were you thinking?â He grouched, taking the tomato and tossing it on the counter as he inspected his chest for damage. His gi top was tied loose and he wasnât wearing an undershirt for this exact reason. His power source was still volatile while they waited for those parts to finally arrive. The movement had irritated some of Jay's jerry-rigged tubing, too, and heâd bled a bit. His blood being coolant and oil dripping down from the junction of his collarbone. Kai pops the loose plating at his throat aside and readjusts the weeping tubes with practiced ease. It hurt because everything hurt all the time now. Zane was so tired of constant pain. He was so, so exhausted with being so⊠weak. Kai dabbed at the streak of oil on his chest with the hand towel usually slung over the handle of the stove.
Something about Kai's tone rankled. That, at the comment heâd made at the beginning of their foray into injured cooking- this is just like when Nya was small! And his head hurt. So he wasnât exactly as rational and pragmatic as usual when he snapped back, âI am not a child!â
Kai leaned back, startled. âI know that.â He said calmly, which only made Zane more irritated.
âThatâs how youâve been treating me.â He says tightly, trying not to fume. He hates his own tone, hates the hostility worming into his words because This wasnât really about Kai.
What so-called chef couldnât dice a tomato?
Frowning, Kai looked a little guilty, âSorry, Zane. I didnât mean to.â
âWell.â Zane wants to cross his arms petulantly, but only one of the awful things works so he ends up hugging himself with one arm instead. Which is not really what he was going for, and only succeeds in making Kai's face soften with sympathy.
âI know youâre an adult, dude. If you were at one hundred percent, youâd have made a seven course meal or something by now.â He said, leaning back against the counter, âBut youâre not.â
âWhat?â Zane blinks, startled.
âYouâre not at one hundred. Youâre probably at like, ehhh, forty five?â he wobbles his hand in front of him, âGive or take.â
âIâm not useless.â Zane grits out.
âThatâs true.â Kai says evenly, âBut let's not pretend like youâre back to normal, alright? You wouldnât expect me to make dinner with a broken arm, would you?â
âI would not expect you to make dinner with two working arms.â Zane snarks, but the frustration in his chest is fizzling out.
âOh, shut up, tin can.â Kai rolls his eyes, but heâs smiling. âPoint is, donât push yourself while youâre healing. Or whatever the robot equivalent is. If it makes you feel better, this is actually your recipe. So in a way itâs all your work anyway.â
Oh. He glances at the recipe card still sitting on the counter, belatedly recognizing Coleâs handwriting- it was one of the first things he ever made, back when his palette was less refined. Cole had insisted upon writing down the instructions to all his old meals back when he first made them. Flirting, in retrospect, though Zane had been too socially clueless to pick up on how the other boy seemed to go out of his way to invent reasons to spend extra time with him.
He should feel some type of way that he hadnât recognized it as his own, but the Overlord had taken many things from him. Heâd made peace with that choice, and could lay the sadness down to rest. Plus, the spice ratios were old and outdated, and heâd basically stopped using it after seeing just how little chili powder it called for.
The anger fades completely, leaving only pain in its wake. He almost wants to grab at it, keep it hot and simmering so he has something to focus on besides the hurt. Kai was right. He couldnât keep pushing himself to do the things he used to, not while his body was in pieces. It didnât make it easier to accept. It didnât make the ache gentler to weather. Fury slips through his unworking hand like sand.
âI donât like this.â Zane says pitifully.
Kai arches an eyebrow, âWell,â He says at length, âDonât blow up next time.â
The frankness of it makes Zane bark out a startled laugh and he reaches up to scrub at his face. It was⊠nice. Heâd gotten a little sick of being handled like glass. Kai always seemed to know exactly how tough Zane was, even when he was at- what was it? Forty five percent?
âSeriously, Zane, just try and relax. Itâs been nice taking care of you for once- well, not the part where youâre in pain, butâŠâ Kai shrugs a little, âYouâre always doing stuff for me. I like being able to help you.â
Zane smiles a little, feeling better. Anger left pain, but happiness eased it to the background.
âPlus, with you out of commission, Iâve been able to beat your highscore on Dance Dance Revolution.â Kai adds cheekily.
Snapping up to gape at him, Zane narrows his eyes, âOh, when I am repairedâŠâ He threatens.
âWeâll see.â
âWell, master gamer, you might want to check on the beef.â Zane leans back conversationally, âI believe itâs burning.â
It had actually just burst into flame behind him. Perfect timing. Kai turns around and screams.
They order pizza for dinner.
The window is open and there's a soft breeze, cool air trickling in and circulating through the living room. Heâs sitting on the couch leaned up against Cole, dozing lightly in the late morning slump. This had become his favorite spot in the monastery over his recovery period. The team had come together for a few movie nights over the week, and if not movies then he would lounge around while Cole read to him or Jay and Kai played video games. It was the hub of activity during this period of downtime, and he rarely was alone.
He coughs lightly, grimacing at the stab low in his chest and the acrid taste of oil on the back of his tongue. Thereâs no avoiding it. His body isnât meant to run so long duct taped together like it was- things kept jostling loose. Nya and Pixal are out in town, so heâll have to find Jay soon. Which suited him fine. Jay was, by virtue of growing up with an eccentric inventor in a junkyard full of scraps, naturally inclined to making the most of bits and bobs in a way Pixal and Nya had been spoiled from. His temporary fixes tended to stay the most steady.
For now, though, he keeps the blood in his mouth to himself. He can wait just a little longer, so used to the mess of his body by this point that he can tell an emergency from an annoyance. He wants to stay right where he is just a little while more.
Tapp tapp tapp
Cole makes a questioning noise as he taps his pencil against the variety pack of word puzzles on the coffee table.
âHmm?â Zane blinks up at him. Heâs nestled with his back against Cole's chest, legs stretched out in front of him and a blanket pulled up to his armpits. It was a cozy arrangement, sitting nearly in his lap- really, half-laying down, cuddled into the couch cushions. It made filling out the puzzle a little awkward for Cole, but he didnât mind. Heâd just pulled the furniture together so he wouldnât have to strain, the booklet sitting on the coffee table where itâs pressed flush to the couch. This wasnât painless because nothing was painless, but it was as close as possible. It felt nice to rest with him like this.
âSeven across. The clue is âclothing.ââ Cole repeats, scrutinizing the crossword with a frown.
âCostume?â
âThe third letter is an R.â
âGarment, then?â
âNope.â Cole absently pets a hand over his head, the feeling soothing, lulling him back into that hazy space before sleep. âEnds in an S.â
âMmm.â Zane closes his eyes again, âThreads.â
âOh, I think thatâs it.â The scratch of pencil on paper fills the room.
Thereâs a bird call outside and Zane feels Cole shift to look at him, waiting patiently. Itâs a soft, tittering sound, high pitched and sweet, âAlpine Chough.â He answers the unspoken question. Cole always asked if he knew the bird from the call alone. It became tradition for Zane to tell him without even being prompted.
âOh I like those. Theyâre the ones that are all black except for their orange feet, right? And yellow beak.â
Zane opens his eyes, looking out the window to the sky beyond. They canât see the bird from their vantage point. Cole just remembered. Probably from the time Zane had pointed one out to him months ago.
âI love you.â He says sincerely.
âI love you too, Zane.â Cole kisses the top of his head gently.
The silent spell around them was broken by the front door flinging open, âZane!â Nyaâs voice rang out, loud and excited, âGuess what Pixal just picked up!â
He perks up immediately. Thereâs only one thing that could cause that excitement!
Nya's footsteps turn away from the living room but Cole calls out to her before she heads to the bedrooms, âIn here!â
Nya practically flies into the room, âYour parts are in!â She cheers, empty handed.
The discrepancy is immediately rectified as Pixal walks up behind her. The box sheâs holding is awkwardly sized and sagging with weight, but Pixal doesnât appear to notice.
âDoes that even weigh, like, anything to you?â Cole asks jokingly.
With a smirk, Pixal shifts the box so sheâs holding it with one hand, âCare to join us in the garage?â
âI would like nothing more.â Zane says seriously. As Cole lifts him up and steadies him in his chair he adds, jokingly, âOnly if you have the time to spare, of course.â
Pixal shakes her head at his words, âIâve been waiting for this moment all week.â
âIâd do anything for you.â Nya adds.
Zane feels his smile widen as Cole pushes him towards the elevator, âI know.â He says, and means it.
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