HIATUS.
I don’t talk a lot. I want very badly to make friends, but I often don’t know what to say, I get overstimulated, and I have depression. That is on me. And RPing is a two way street, of course — so is conversation and friendships — you have to do and find what’s best for you. But god I am fucking tired of feeling like a shitty person, a shitty friend, and a shitty writing partner.
This is, frankly, no one’s business, but I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for the last couple years, and it’s been a struggle to not want to just cut everything off. Because I don’t want to do that, when tumblr is one of my few social outlets. The friends I’ve made and the people I’ve come to interact with don’t deserve that. But it’s been one thing after another for awhile, leaving me feel like I’m running on fumes.
Getting cut off just now and blocked before I can give my peace? You know what, fair enough, I guess, because I’ve done that before. But I’m really fucking hurt that I couldn’t even get in a goodbye like a respectful adult. Instead I get to feel like a piece of shit.
I am so, so grateful to everyone who has ever shown interest in me, my characters, basically anything I put out there in the internet. It means more than I’ll ever know how to word properly. But the world has hit me enough over the last year that I think I need to step away, because I don’t feel like I can be a good writing partner, and I guess not even a friend.
My discord is huttslayer if you’d like it. I don’t know what’ll happen next, but I’d like to, hopefully, not give up forever.
Thanks.
