read my yaoi

writing blog. my primary fandom right now is tales of xillia, so expect to see a lot of alvin/jude.

[spiritshift]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

"Kunikida-kun," Dazai starts, a breathless edge to his voice. "for someone so rough and, quite frankly, downright cruel--”

"I am not cruel, you're just impossible--" Kunikida cuts in, mouth still traveling.

"-- you're much too soft in bed," Dazai concludes.

[spiritshift]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Some things change, and a lot of things don't.

[spiritshift]

1/6: kindness

Jude is used to being called kind; he can't deny that he often goes out of his way to do the right thing, and that do-gooder nature of his just isn't something he can help, it seems. It’s gotten him into trouble more than once, but that's fine. He's alright with being called a do-gooder if it means following his own path and making a difference, big or small. His kindness balances out Milla's bold, headstrong approach-- it helps make them equals, partners, and more importantly, it helps them understand one another. It brings out the real strength in Elize, who is just as sweet and caring as she is brave and strong. Rowen is often patting him on the head and saying that there needs to be more good, kind people like Jude in the world, something that makes him blush and avert his gaze and insist that he's nothing special. It gives Leia that extra bit of determination she needs to stick to her ideals, the idea that effort and hard work will always pay off in the end. But Alvin-- Jude has no idea what he is to Alvin. All he knows is that he gets the impression that Alvin needs a little kindness in his life more than anyone else, and Jude is more than happy to give it. There’s been an inexplicable desire to make Alvin happy since he met him, an urge to just make Alvin smile. Every time he rushes to Alvin's side before anyone else's to cast a healing arte in battle, or slides him his dessert when they decide to splurge on a real dinner (Alvin likes sweets, Jude's noticed; he's noticed a lot of things about Alvin), or smiles at him like he means something to him, because he does, Alvin... Alvin doesn't seem like he knows what to do with it. Startled, suspicious, uncertain-- there have even been times he's looked like he's been struck, glaring at him like Jude's kindness has offended him. Like he doesn't deserve it. Like Jude is just pretending. It's probably the dozenth time Alvin is teasing him for being so soft when Jude says, "You know, Alvin, you're much softer than you realize yourself. Maybe you're always teasing me about that do-gooder nature of mine because there's a little bit of it in yourself, too." Jude beams up at him and pokes him in the chest, right over his heart, and Alvin is silent for a solid three seconds before barking out a laugh and raking a hand through his bangs, shaking his head like that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. "Yeah, sure, kid. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

It’s a response he more or less expected, but Jude will never give up on trying. He has a lot of uncertainties about Alvin, countless things he just can’t make sense of, pieces of him that he still needs to map out, but this isn’t something he’ll waver on. He’s sure of it.

And wherever this journey takes them, someday, he likes to hope that Alvin just might believe him.

[spiritshift]

in a trade with ciil i took a blast to the past and wrote a dumb little aruju drabble that is a ffxii crossover. here you go, i guess???? (i love you ciil)

"So you can seriously fly that thing?" Jude asks, his eyes sparkling with excitement, lips parted in awed enthusiasm. Alvin doesn't know how just one person can manage to be so damn cute. He nods, a smile curving his lips. "Sure can. What would a sky pirate be without his trusty airship?" He gives the side an affectionate pat, leaning against it. "Her name's the Zenethra." Jude stands up on the balls of his heels, tilting his head. He can’t reach Alvin’s height. "What made you want to become a sky pirate?" Alvin hums, giving it some thought. Nobody has ever actually shown so much interest in his life before. He'd picked up a job posted up on the bulletin board, a simple request to gather some medicinal herbs and bring them to the clinic in Bhujerba. Sure, it wasn't the most exciting job in the world, but it seemed easy and it paid well enough. Good enough for him, and usually, the talking part is kept to a minimum before he’s off on his way. He didn't expect his client to be this enthusiastic (and this cute, did he mention that already), and he certainly didn't expect Jude-- Jude, his name is Jude, Jude Mathis, and Alvin keeps rolling it around in his head-- to drop his air of stiff professionalism the second he spotted Alvin’s airship parked nearby. "I'm a mercenary, so I travel around a lot. All over the place. Learning how to fly one of these babies just made sense. Besides, sky pirate has a nice ring to it, y’know?" Jude smiles and nods, gaze darting from Alvin to the airship and back again. Alvin watches him with amusement, uncharacteristic fondness swelling in his chest. He hadn't planned on staying for more than two minutes, but it's been almost twenty and Jude is still gushing. Jude opens his mouth to reply, but Alvin cuts him off, and on a whim, suggests, "Want to come take it for a spin?" Jude's eyes widen, and he jerks his thumb back to point at himself, a silent question. Like he can't believe Alvin could possibly ask him such a thing. "Yes, you." Pink colors Jude's cheeks, but Alvin carries on. "I'll take that as a yes. When are you getting off work? You're a doctor, right? Don't want to steal you away or anything." Actually, that's exactly what he wants to do.

Jude shakes his head and smiles sheepishly. "Doctor-in-training. This clinic belongs to my parents-- I just work here as a nurse and help out when I can. But hopefully they'll be too busy to notice if I sneak off for just a little bit?" Something tells him that Jude almost never gets out, the poor kid. Well. He'll just have to fix that. "C'mon. Hop in." --- When Alvin had invited Jude into the Zenethra and slid into the pilot's seat, he hadn't expected Jude to ignore the (perfectly functional) passenger's seat and slide right into his lap. "Sorry, am I in the way?" Jude asks, tone suggesting that he already knows the answer, leaning forward and staring out the wide window as if there's nothing remotely peculiar about this situation. Alvin has a feeling he's well aware of what he's doing-- flirting, Jude is flirting with him-- but his cheeky smile makes it more than clear that he isn't planning on addressing it. Jude is a pleasant, light weight, though, and he's so happy and so excited and I’m screwed, I'm totally screwed, give it a rest, Svent-- "Nope. You're fine. Everything's ready to go." He gives Jude a thumbs up. Jude leans back into his chest and tilts his head up to offer Alvin a bright smile, peering up at him through his dark bangs and shifting to give Alvin more room to steer. Alvin swallows. At this rate, he'll end up crashing the ship and killing them both. Death by Jude Mathis. There are probably worse ways to die. --- "Do you think we could do this again sometime?" Jude asks, looking positively exhilarated. Alvin's heart stutters. "Sure, kid. Whenever you want." God, he's in trouble. --- About a month later, Jude decides to quit his job at the clinic, and that's the tale of how Alfred Vint Svent, notorious sky pirate, got himself a co-pilot. (And a boyfriend. That, too.)

[spiritshift]

21. jealous kiss

"huh. so you want to stay with her forever, then?" alvin snaps, tone biting. jude doesn't think he's ever been more confused. "what? alv-- what are you talking about?" jude sits up, staring at alvin's back like it'll give him some sort of an answer. it doesn’t. "you won't have any reason to stay with her once this is all over, you know." jude's heart sinks. alvin continues. "if you don't tell her how you really feel, someone will beat you to the punch. you can't just count on destiny to work everything out for you. fate doesn't have your back." before jude has the chance to respond, though, alvin stands up. jude thinks he might leave again and he's about to ask him to stay, don't leave them again-- don't leave him again. the words never come, though, because all of a sudden alvin is capturing jude's lips in a kiss that lasts... how long? a second? a minute? jude doesn't know. he doesn't know anything and he doesn't have time to ask alvin what it all means before it's over.

"nighty-night, kid," alvin murmurs. just like that, he's slumping over to his side of the room, collapsing down onto the bed, and curling in on himself. jude doesn't sleep.

[spiritshift]

10. goodbye kiss

"let's get moving, alvin," jude smiles, soft around the edges and so very, very beautiful. alvin blinks up at him and searches his eyes like he's looking for the secrets of the universe. he doesn't find it - all he finds is forgiveness, acceptance, adoration. without even hesitating, alvin leans up, grabs jude by the shirt, and drags him down to clash their lips together. jude makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat that turns into a little whine, but alvin doesn't have time to think about what that means because then it's over and he's standing up, resting a hand on jude's shoulder for support. he staggers away without another word. jude stares after him, and leia stirs when the wind ruffles her bloodied clothes.

[spiritshift]

4. awkward kiss

it's nothing like jude had imagined. jude had imagined sparks behind his eyelids and butterflies in his stomach and all sorts of things, the things milla reads about in those novels of hers. he didn't expect to get so eager he bit him. sure, their lips brushed, but it was more of a disaster than a kiss, and this is it, he's absolutely certain that he'll never be able to look at alvin again. "i-i'm sorry, i..." jude stutters, the tips of his ears turning bright red. he can't tell whether the odd quirk of alvin's bloodied lips is amused or annoyed, and he blushes even harder, tearing his gaze away, ashamed. "that was your first kiss, right?" alvin chides. his voice is uncharacteristically gentle, and jude nods, unable to look him in the eye. "here," alvin chuckles, and tilts jude's chin up, something in his expression impossibly fond. that gets jude's attention back. "let me show you how to do it." this, this is the sort of kiss jude had been waiting for.

[spiritshift]

3. drunk/sloppy kiss

alvin knew jude would turn out to be a lightweight, but he didn't expect this, jude clambering into his lap and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. his breath smells like vodka and he's way too close and alvin swallows, praying to whichever spirit is listening to help him maintain some semblance of self-control. "alvin," jude slurs, and alvin... well, he didn't even realize he had closed his eyes until jude's lips collide with the corner of his jaw and miss the mark. their noses bump, alvin yelps, and jude just laughs, delirious. alvin doesn't know what he's laughing at. it isn't all that funny. "oops," he giggles, meeting alvin's startled gaze with lidded eyes. "sorry. can i get a do over?"

[spiritshift]

we had a terrible fight and i’m making it up with (blank).

Alvin presses Jude into the mattress and all but sobs, Jude clawing at his back with insatiable desperation he's never had before, surrendering himself completely to Alvin's hands roaming over his sides. "I'm sorry," Alvin whispers, pressing a kiss to his neck, his jaw, his lips. "I know I screwed up. I'm sorry. Please, Jude, I'm-- fuck. I'm sorry." Jude tosses his head back and gasps as Alvin rolls his hips, a breathless sound that goes straight to Alvin's cock, and draws him in closer, burying his head in his hair and whispering something Alvin can't make out. It's all the forgiveness Alvin needs.

[spiritshift]

i normally don’t get this flustered but whenever we flirt, i’m a giggling wreck.

Alvin has been invading his personal space since the moment they met, and it never bothered Jude, not really. Alvin didn't seem anywhere near as shady as he looked, and besides, he's just being friendly, isn't he? He isn't used to the constant attention, but it shouldn't be anything too out of the ordinary, right? But when Alvin's lips (accidentally, maybe, he doesn't know anymore) brush against the shell of his ear, his breath warm and his voice little more than a murmur, Jude can't stifle the embarrassingly high pitched noise that escapes him. "What's that?" Alvin asks, his interest piqued. "Ticklish, are we?" This time Alvin's breath ghosts against Jude's neck, and he shivers, goosebumps prickling his skin before he laughs again, muttering an, "Alvin, cut that out," in between giggles. Alvin chuckles, too, low in his throat, and after that, Jude can't help but wonder whether or not he's imagining things when Alvin leans in closer every single time.

[faize]

i came up with the best aruju au EVER and it’s so important i need to keep this log here

Keep reading

[faize]

Every season I fell in love with you.

[faize]

in response to that adorable fill, can you write julius getting frustrated with a video game and taking it out by groping ludger a lot mid-game?

Ludger is kicking his ass and it started out as Julius, responding in the most mature and adult way possible, of course, deciding to engage in a tickle fight.

The keywords there are it started out.

It didn’t take long for him to end up groping and squeezing Ludger’s backside as he traces his lower lip with his tongue, his other hand exploring the slopes of muscle over the bare skin underneath his shirt, Ludger shuddering and moaning in response to Julius’ experienced  touch.

"I-I can’t— this is cheating, Julius, how am I supposed to win like this?"

"I don’t care about the game, Ludger," is Julius’ simple response, murmured against his lips before he goes back to kissing him.

"Cheater."

"Maybe," Julius chuckles, giving him another playful squeeze. Julius moves to straddle his hips and deepen the kiss and after that, Ludger stops complaining. The game is left abandoned and unpaused. Neither of them win.

[faize]

How about Julius and Ludger playing video games before sleeping on the tiny couch?

"No, I was in first place until you threw a blue shell at me—"

"Doesn’t matter. I win again. That’s eight times in a row."

"And here I thought video games were supposed to be fun."

"You’re not having fun, big brother?" Ludger’s smile is wicked as he snuggles up to Julius on the couch, leaning against his shoulder, the controller still in his hands as the split screen flashes. Julius and Mario Kart, it turns out, don’t get on very well.

"I could think of better ways to spend my nights off."

"Oh yeah?" Ludger yawns, nuzzling closer. "Getting your butt kicked at video games isn’t good enough?"

By the time Julius looks down to answer, Ludger is dosing off. His controller hits the floor with a thud and, smiling, Julius grabs the closest blanket there is and drapes it over them both.

"This is good enough, I think."

[faize]

how about Ludger being nervous about kissing Julius?

He’s your brother, he thinks. He’s your beloved older brother and you want to kiss him.

Julius is so close, barely a breath away, smiling at him softly like he knows what Ludger is going to do and he’s waiting ever so patiently for it.

Ludger gulps. His palms sweat. He can’t do this, he can’t—

"It’s okay, Ludger. Please. Just… please."

Julius’ tone is soft and kind and warm and reassuring and everything Ludger needs, everything Ludger will always need. It makes him feel safe.

Finally, Ludger musters up his courage, closes the little distance there is left and kisses him. Julius smiles and kisses him back.

[faize]

something bittersweet with one of the xillia cast members coming across Ludger mourning his brother post 15?

Elize has never seen Ludger cry before.

She’s never even seen Driselle cry, but here she is, peering into the room as Ludger’s shoulders shake, wracked with uncontrollable sobs. “Julius,” he says to nobody. “Julius, Julius— Julius.” He’s saying his name over and over again, like a mantra, like a prayer,

Like it will bring him back.

Elize feels her heart split in two and before she knows what she’s doing, before she has time to ask herself whether Ludger really wants the company or not, she’s padding up to him and wrapping her tiny arms around him in the tightest hug she can muster. Teepo is completely silent. Ludger goes still for a moment— shocked— but he can’t help it; a second later and he’s crying again, holding Elize as his tears drip onto her skirt.

"I’m an orphan," she begins, "And I used to cry a lot because I missed my parents. I missed my mom, and my dad, and I didn’t have a family. I didn’t have anyone besides Teepo. And I know… I know it’s not the same. I understand. But Rowen and Driselle, and Jude and Milla, and Leia and and even Alvin… they gave me a family.

"Nobody will replace Julius. Ever." Elize sounds a little choked up herself now. Her voice cracks, but her resolve doesn’t, unwavering. "But he’ll live on in your heart. He’ll always be with you. And I know that Julius would want you to be happy. We’ll always be here for you, Ludger. You’re like a big brother to me."

He doesn’t say anything, but his trembling ceases and soon enough— she doesn’t know how much time passes, she isn’t keeping track— he stops crying. When he does, he looks down at Elize, eyes red-ringed and glassy.

"Thank you, Elize. Thank you so much. Thank you."

"Crying is a good thing, sometimes. It’s good to let it out. So don’t hold back, okay? And if you ever need me… Well, you know where to find me."

Elize offers him a sweet and sympathetic little smile before giving him a pat on the shoulder and turning to leave. Maybe nothing has changed, but right then, Ludger doesn’t need to cry anymore.

[faize]

could you do some au with leia and agria not trying to kill each other and being close?

A couple of weeks after Leia asks Agria out, Agria’s kicks to the shin start to hurt less and less. A couple weeks after that, Agria stops using a combination of her shoes and her fists to wail on Leia altogether. It’s a little strange, getting used to an Agria who isn’t so abrasive— at least, not as abrasive as she was before she spent her free time making out with Leia against whatever wall they happen to be closest to when they’re alone— but she thinks she likes this side of Agria, this side that Agria had surely thought had died along with Nadia Travis in the fire so long ago.

Leia tells Agria she loves her every single day. Every morning. Every night. Relentless texts over GPS littered with emoji and hearts. Agria never says it back, but she damn well makes sure Leia knows. She damn well proves it in the way she tangles their fingers together, in the way she coaxes Leia’s lips open, in the way she fists her hands in her shirt as they kiss and kiss like she’s afraid Leia will disappear, in the way she allows Leia to wrap her arms around her and pull her to her chest at night without any complaint.

Leia cuts Agria’s hair for her— it was getting too long, and Agria wanted a change. She doesn’t say it’s because Agria has changed, but Leia understands, and it’s clipped down to her shoulders. Jude almost doesn’t recognize her the next time he sees them.

"Wow, Agria. You’ve really changed."

Agria gives Leia’s hand a squeeze and offers him a crooked almost-smile in response. She isn’t quite there yet, will never smile as brightly as Leia does when she does get there, but she’ll certainly get there. Leia will take her there.

Because Agria loves her.