Spirit The Guide

[spirittheguide]

Submitting your questions

If you would like to submit your questions please email me at [email protected]

If you would like to remain anonymous please indicate that in the email and leave a pseudonym.

Be Well,

Your Guide

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, Sometimes I feel like I’ll never find love. My relationships always seem to go wrong somehow, and I never seem able to attract the right person for my life. What am I doing wrong? I feel like it’s me, like there must be something wrong with me. - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

Let's correct one thing right off the bat, there is nothing wrong with you. Just because you haven't found the right fit yet doesn't mean it's you. It just means you haven't met the person who balances your life.

I had a very wise person tell me something that I think can help you. She told me that she was always looking for certain traits in a guy, and each time she would meet someone they would have those traits, but the relationship wouldn't work.

It wasn't until she started asking herself what kind of life she wanted, that she able to look for someone who could help give her that. So that is what I suggest that you do. Ask yourself what kind of partner could help you achieve the type of life you hope to live. Then keep that in mind the next time you decide to look for a date. You may just be surprised by the results.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit 

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I am so busy, all the time. I work full time, I am married, I have kids and a house to take care of. How am I ever supposed to find time for the things that I want to do? There just aren’t enough hours in the day. - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

Sometimes it can seem like our list of things to do just grows and grows and there’s never an end in sight. Well unfortunately, the truth is, there isn’t.

There is always going to be something to do. Some obligation to your family, or your friends, or your job. If it’s not that, then we, as adults, are always filling our plates with the next chore to be done or the next house project to be worked on. The fact is, your right, there are only so many hours a day and if you choose to fill them with obligations, then there will always be more tasks than time.

What few people realize, is that “me time” is a choice. When your week is so full that leisure time doesn’t naturally come about, then you must make the time. Carve out a small piece of your week. Whether it’s a full day or just an hour or two. Dedicate that time to yourself and guard it with your life. It’s so important that we take time for ourselves, so protect that little space you give yourself and don’t let anyone take it from you.

If your boss calls and asks you to come in, say you’re sorry but you can’t, if your parents need you to run errands with them, say I’m sorry it will have to wait until the next day. You don’t have to tell them why, just say that it’s important. Don’t give up your me time unless it’s absolutely necessary, because once you let it go, and you allow yourself to be comprising about it, it will be hard to get back. Be strict with yourself and everyone else. You’ll be glad you did.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, Where should I start when it comes to paying more attention to eating right? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I'm glad to hear that you want to concentrate more on your health, and your diet is an excellent place to start. Now, the key thing I want you to do, is ignore every diet plan and get slim system. There is one thing that almost all those programs get wrong.

Each of those diets fail to take into consideration that every person’s body is 100% different. So, this one size fits all diet doesn’t work, because they are not what your body needs.

Please let me disclaimer here that I'm not a nutritionist, so I'm not going to tell you what you should or should not be eating, but I can tell you where to start to figure that out. The first thing you should do, is go see your doctor.

Get some blood work done and get as much information about your own body as you can. Cholesterol levels, blood pressure, hormone levels, if your deficient in any nutrients, things like that.

From there I would recommend going to talk to a nutritionist, they would be the best person to get you on a diet fit for you. However, if you don't want to do that, the information you get from your doctor can get you started, just by using some common sense.

If you have high blood pressure ease up on sodium, if you're blood sugar is high lay off the sweets, if your iron is low try leafy greens. But overall, a balanced diet of fruit, veggies, proteins, and healthy fats is a good way to go.

Which doesn't mean you have to eat salad and dry chicken every day. I like variety in my diet, so I create a menu of what I want to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the week, which usually consists of at least one pasta dish, pan fried chicken, pizza, stir fry... Etc.

The point is, you can eat the foods you like, just remember, everything in moderation and give your body what it needs based on your personal specifications.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit 

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I just started dating this girl and I really like her, a lot, but she’s got this really close relationship with her mother. She talks to her every day and they hang out multiple times a week. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing but she talks about me and our relationship to her mom, which feels invasive to me. How do I tell my girl that some things need to be kept private, that she doesn’t need to tell her mom everything? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I know it can be hard feeling like the third wheel when it comes to someone's family. You don't want to get in between that connection because family is the most important thing. However, you still want to feel like you're just as important to your partner.

I also understand that even though we are close with the people we love they don't need to know everything that goes on in our private lives. You are right to think that she should respect both of your privacy by keeping some things just between the two of you.

The best thing to do in this situation is to be honest and stern, let her know that this is a boundary you want to have. That you don't want her to discuss your relationship with her mother and that she needs to respect that boundary.

You could also try to spend more time with her mother yourself, just the two of you. The more she feels connected to you, the more she will consider you a member of the family and she will be more willing to respect your wishes.

Besides, the one thing I know for sure is that it's never a good thing to make someone choose between you and their family, that will only drive a wedge. The best course of action for you is to become as integral a member of that family as your girlfriend is. That is, if you intend for this to go to the long hall.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I’ve battled with depression all my life. Is it something that ever ends or do you deal with feeling like this the rest of your life? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I know that it can feel as if your sadness and pain will never end. It follows you through every moment of your day and it can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. Well, I have good news for you, it doesn't last forever. You can get to a place where you feel happy every day, maybe not all day every, but every day you will feel peace and contentment and happiness.

The thing that most of us fail to realize when we're in that low place, is that when we are there, we have to work harder than ever before in order to change things. It's the hardest struggle there is when every bone is your body is exhausted just from the weight of the depression that you carry around day in and day out. But it's the best work you will ever do, because once you're on the other side of depression you'll realize that the happiness is worth the struggle.

So, find a reason, every day, to wake up and keep going. Make goals for yourself and follow through with them. You would be surprised how much of an impact just feeling a sense of accomplishment can make. Get dressed up every day and go outside feeling confident. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel just a little bit more on top each day, until you feel that surge of motivation hit you.

When you feel that, think back on your dreams, what did you want to do when you were a child? What's something you're good at? Do those things and keep doing them until one day you wake up and realize that everything is different. You don't feel sad all the time anymore, sometimes you do, but that's ok. Life comes with sadness, it's pulling yourself out before you get stuck in it, that's the trick.

But first and foremost, you have to start believing it's possible. I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth. The longer you hold on to the thought that you'll never be happy, the longer it will take for things to change. You have to change that pattern, start believing that you can be happy, tell yourself you can, every day until it's true. Then one day it will be.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I hate my job, I want to quit but I don’t have anything else lined up. I know if I don’t leave soon I’ll be stuck in this job for the rest of my life, but how do I move on to what I really want to do when I need to pay the bills in the meantime? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

It's so important to have dreams, and I'm a big supporter of people going after what they want. I am a big believer that there is always a way to get to where you want to be in life.

The problem is that sometimes it's a rough road to get there, and it can take much longer than we would like. At the end of the day if you really know what you want to do, you have to jump. You have to take that big risk and fully commit. Which may mean making sacrifices to your current way of life.

The only way to get what you want is to either find a job you can work with enough flexibility that you can do your dream job and still get paid, or you have to decrease your expenses in order to afford a lower quality of life for a while until your able to start making money at your dream job.

If you can, move in with a friend or relative for a few months, or get rid of your expensive car and take the bus. Or stay with your current job a little longer to pay off your debt. You could also take out a loan, if that's an option, to cover you for a time while you get things going.

There are a lot of paths toward your dream, but all of them are going to require a commitment and sacrifice. So, if you're confident this is what you want, then take that leap. You won't regret it.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, What is your advice about staying in shape? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

The best advice I can give you about staying in shape, and I'm sure many would disagree with me, but my advice is, do what you can. The quickest way to give up on your workout routine is by committing to more than you can reasonably do.

If you only have ten minutes when you get up in the morning or before you go to bed, then take that ten minutes to do a short workout. Even just that small effort will make a difference if you do it every day.

Diet is also a huge factor, and I don't mean "going on a diet". More so paying attention to what you’re eating and making sure that what you're putting in your body is what you need to be healthy, based on your individual needs.

Remember that putting on weight means that you're taking in more calories than your body is burning off. Which is great if you're trying to build muscle but if you’re trying to lose weight you need to increase you exercise or decrease your calorie intake.

Staying in shape is also a relative concept because everyone's body is different, and everyone has a different standard for how they want their body to be. Therefore, you have to decide what you want your body to look like and feel like and create a diet and exercise routine that will get you those results.

If you just want to maintain a certain body weight, then something simple you can do every day will be enough. However, if you want to gain 30 pounds of muscle and go into body building, then obviously you'll need to make more of a commitment to the amount of work you need to do. What it comes down to though is, do what you can for what you want.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, My family drives me crazy, I am always so stressed out around them. They are always asking me for favors or to borrow money. I don’t want to disown them because they are my family but I’m not sure how to make them stop relying on me so much. How do I fix this situation? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I have one word for you, boundaries. Now, I know this is way easier said than done with some families, especially when you’re dealing with stubborn and insistent people. However, the sooner you create these boundaries and stick to them, the happier you will be.

You have to decide what kind of life you want, and once you do, you have to create the rules for your life that other people have to follow if they want to be around you. For instance, I have a rule that each person gets one chance to borrow money from me. If they pay me back, fine, then I'll trust them to let them borrow again. However, if they don't pay it back in a reasonable time frame then they lost their one chance and I'll never lend them money again.

With family it's harder, I understand, because they will appeal to your love and your loyalty to them. But if you want the behavior to stop, then you have to draw the line somewhere.

Now there are people who won't respect your rules, and I suggest a firm arm’s length policy. As in, that's where you keep them, at arm’s length. Sure, see them on holidays, or family events, but don't answer their calls or their texts. At least until they get the idea that you're not playing games.

You have a standard that you have set for your life and if they can't respect that then they don't need to be in your life. You control your situation and the people in it, so those who take advantage of you can only do so if you allow them to. You have to stand up for the life you want for yourself.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit 

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I just started dating my very first boyfriend, we’ve been together for a few months now. I am worried that he’s going to start pressuring me at some point. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m worried about what will happen if it does. I really like him, and I don’t want him to get bored with me or be disappointed by me. I want to make him happy but I’m not ready for that yet. How do I deal with these feelings? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I understand that this can be a very stressful and confusing thing to go through, and trust me, you’re not alone. Everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives, whether it's their first time or their 50th.

No one likes feeling like they have to earn their partners love and affection. I cannot stress this enough; you are not wrong for feeling the way you do. You are completely entitled to wait as long as you want to, until you feel over hundred percent ready to take that next step.

 It's a big one. People take for granted just how big a step it is. That one little thing changes everything. My advice is, first of all, to talk to him. You said he's not pressuring you yet, that may be because he's not ready either. See where he stands, you guys may already be on the same page, but you'll never know if you don't talk to him.

If he is ready and you’re not, then make him wait. One of the greatest tests in any relationship, to see if someone really cares about you, is telling them no and seeing how they react.

If he's patient and kind and willing to wait, then you can feel good about your choice in partner. If he gets angry or starts pressuring you, making you feel guilty, or threatens to leave, then you know he's only with you because he's after something and that's not someone you want to share your life with.

All I'm saying is, be careful with your choices, there are some things you can't get back, so make sure it's worth it.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I really want to own my own business someday, where should I start? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

The first thing you want to understand is that it's not about owning a business, it's about making your business work for you. Owning a business is simple, it's as easy as a few clicks on the computer to register for a business license, but then what?

Now you have your name, but what do you do with it? That's the real trick. I have found that two things work best when trying to get a business off the ground. Either A) Pour a bunch of money into marketing.

You will likely need to get a business loan or save up for a few years, but you'll want to spend the bulk of your budget on marketing. You can't make money if no one knows about you, so the quickest road to success is to get your name out there in a big way. I would also recommend hiring a marketing company, unless you’re really good at graphic design and public relations.

Or B) get a mentor, someone you can work under for a few years while you build your name and reputation. Someone who won't be threatened by you as competition, but who would take pride in your accomplishment and help you reach your own goals.

Also, make sure you love what you’re doing. Starting a business is always a labor of love, it may take years before you make enough money to really live on. So, if you don't love it, you'll most likely quit before you ever break even.

That's why a large majority of businesses fail in the first two years. Not to discourage you, just make sure you take a long hard look at what you want to do and ask yourself, would you do this for free? If the answer is yes, then go for. The ones who truly love what they do are the ones who will push through and make it work until they break into success.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, How should I balance a social life with a personal life? I feel really good when I'm working on myself and can depend on myself, however I don't want to let my friends down either (who I love very much). What should I do/how should I think about this? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

It can be such a challenge as an adult to find time for all the things we value in life. Often, things get put on the back burner, including spending time with friends and family, even taking care of ourselves.

First off, I applaud you for realizing that taking time for yourself is every bit as important as giving your time away to others. Being happy, and healthy in yourself is the best way to foster good relationships.

But you asked how to balance time for yourself and time for others. There’s only one word you need for that, prioritize. Not just your time but also the people you give it to. One of the most valuable things we have is our time, and unfortunately there are only so many hours a day that we must divide between work and that endless to-do list that adds to the busyness of day-to-day life.

So therefore, you will have to be selective about who gets those precious few hours left at the end of a crazy week. Make sure they are the people who appreciate the time you’re giving them. After that, it’s just a matter of organization and coordination.

After running a business, taking care of my small farm, doing housework, feeding myself and my family, and spending time with my partner, I find very little time to socialize. However, being with the people I value is a big part of my self-care, so I work out a way to fit it in.

So, my best friend and I set aside a few hours on the same day each week and either go for coffee or go to the gym. We dedicate that time to each other and invest in that relationship because that is what is valuable to both of us.

Therefore, my best advice to balance self-care and socializing, is deciding what and who are worth your time, and dedicating that time to each of those things and protecting that dedicated time. Don’t schedule that time around everything else in your life. Schedule the rest of your life around that time.

Best Wishes.

Your Guide,

-Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I have thought about ending my life a few times now. I know I don’t want to die but I can’t seem to break out of this depression, and nothing ever seems to get any better in my life. Is there hope for me? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

Depression is a funny thing. You feel like there is nothing left to live for, and hopelessness consumes you every day. It doesn't seem like it will ever end, as if that's the only way you will ever feel, until death seems like the only way to make all that pain go away.

Well, I'm here to tell you, as someone who lived with that feeling for a long time, that it does get better. You can find a way to get past that feeling and one day you will find yourself feeling happy again.

The key is to find something to motivate you, anything at all. There were times when the only thing that kept me going was curiosity. Just to see what might happen the next day. Like watching a bad movie, you don't really want to keep watching, but your just so curious to see how it ends.

Also, don't be afraid to turn to help. There are people out there that will understand what you're dealing with and can help. Sometimes it may even be necessary to try medication. I tried a natural remedy to help me when I was at my worst, and it helped to balance out my brain chemistry so that I didn't spiral downward every time I was sad. Do whatever works for you, but don't give up.

Life is worth not giving up on, because you never know what could be just around the corner. It may not feel like it now, but just trust me when I tell you that it is possible to feel happiness and for long periods of time. Not just fleeting moments in between heartbreak, but lasting happiness that you get to keep.

That new life is waiting for you, you just have to take a deep breath and push through this part. Just remember, nothing lasts forever, not even pain.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I just want this guy I work with to notice me. What should I do? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

Have you talked to him? If the answer is yes, then trust me he noticed you. Now whether he's interested or not should be fairly obvious from there. If he's not pursuing you, then I'm sorry to say that he's probably not interested.

Most guys will go after what they want pretty immediately. Now, he could be shy, if you get that sense, then my advice would be to be bold, ask him out yourself and take charge.

All that being said, if the answer is no and you haven't talked to him yet. Then go home, practice what you're going to say, then get all done up for work the next day. Do whatever makes you feel your most confident, then when you get to work look for an opening and introduce yourself. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and jump in, see what happens.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I don’t have a job, I don’t have a car so I can get a job, and I don’t have money to get a car. How do you get on your feet when it doesn’t seem like there’s any way you can? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I understand what you're dealing with. It wasn't too long ago that I was in the very same position. About 8 years ago I was abandoned by my friends and left homeless, sleeping on a stranger’s floor.

Being that low can make it look like there is no bright side. It can seem like there's no way out. Like the life you want will never be in reach. But I can tell you from my own experience, it is possible to get back on your feet and push forward and crawl your way out of that hole.

The biggest and most important part of it is, don't give up. Find something to drive yourself. Some goal or dream you have that will motivate you to keep going. Keep that in your mind and just keep your eyes open for opportunities.

Don't be afraid to take help when it's offered and take every little step you can forward. Things are not going to be easy; it's going to be a lot of hard work, long days, and struggle to keep going until you figure out a way to make life work for you.

Start with a job, any job. When I didn't have a car, I got a job at a place I could walk to, or one that was on a bus route that I could walk to. After that, it's all about self-control and will power. Don't be tempted to spend your money on little luxuries no matter how tempting.

Keep reminding yourself that your saving for your new life, and your new life needs a car. Once you have a car, more opportunities will open up, and then it's just step after step beyond that. It took me 8 years to go from homeless to home owner, add if I can do it, then you can too.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit 

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I feel the overwhelming need to constantly help all those who I love whenever they need it, sometimes to my own detriment. It’s my love language. However, I feel that I need to strike a balance between constantly being there for my loved ones and being there for MYSELF. How should I do this/how should I think about this, especially considering I love these people very much and always want to be there if they need me? - Fiona

Dear Fiona,

I'll tell you something that a very wise person once told me. You can't drink from an empty cup.

It's inspiring that you want to help those that you love, and I'm sure that they appreciate what you do for them, but you have to take care of yourself first, before anyone else. I know it sounds like being selfish but trust me it's not.

It's a lesson I had to learn the hard way after trying to help people for so long when I was the one who needed help more often than not. The thing is, if you're always giving away your time, your energy, or your resources, to the point that there's not enough for you to be comfortable, then sooner or later you'll be the one who needs help, and you'll end up being a burden to the ones you want to support.

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, and then when you have more than you need, give a little back. That way everyone wins. The ones you love get the help they need, and you don't end up hurting yourself in the process. It's a much better feeling when you can hold someone up without worrying if you're going to fall.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit

[spirittheguide]

Dear Spirit, I am in a toxic relationship but I don’t want to leave because I’m terrified of living by myself. What should I do? - Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I understand that being alone is hard and scary and even painful at times, but that's no reason for you to stay in a situation where you're unhappy. One of my favorite sayings is, there's always a way, which means that no matter what the circumstances there is always another path you can take. There's is always something you can do to make your life better. You never have to stay in a bad situation.

If you're afraid of living alone there are alternatives that could lead to you being in a much better position. You could live with a relative or find a roommate. You could live in a shared housing co-op, or even get a dog as a companion.

Facing the unknowing is terrifying. Even though we are uncomfortable we stay in situations where we are unhappy with because it's familiar. It seems safer than facing a situation we don't think we are ready for. But it's up to you to imagine a better life for yourself, and once you can imagine it, then it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and walking out that door.

Don't let anyone make you believe that you cannot live a happy life because you can. It is possible, there is a way to make it happen, you just have to be willing to find it.

Best wishes.

Your guide,

- Spirit