Childbirth and Your Fears
We all have these dreams in our bucket list. But there are also dreams we always prayed for but don’t really know the time when we want it to come.
So there you are, staring at the pregnancy test with two fine lines and cried for a good five hour while taking a mental note of all your problems:
You struggle to make ends meet and pay your debts and bills.
You don’t have any savings for anything.
Your partner which is the father of your baby is in between jobs. And most importantly,
How are your parents going to react.
Even with all those worries you still went to see a doctor because after all, this is your biggest dream come true.
You called your brother, building enough courage to break to him and expecting a scolding, after all he has all the right because he paid for your college fees. But instead of him shouting at you, you were begging for him to speak up. When at last he did, you can hear the disappointment in his voice since it almost came out as a whisper. Even so, he helped you come up with an action plan to go through this.
It was the holidays and you were required to come home. You waited for the right time to tell your parents so you waited til everybody was asleep except for your Mom and your Dad half asleep. The first thing you told your mom was “I’m getting married.” Your mom just laughed it off but then you said “I could be pregnant.”, and there, just like how your brother reacted, she struggled for words. She woke your dad up and had you explain and when he spoke, it was then that you realized, parents will really love you even after all your mistakes when he said, “Good for you, at least you and your partner can now settle.” with the reassuring tap on your back while you cried.
Remember how you sang all the praise and worship songs you learned as a child when you saw your baby’s first ultrasound photo? It was as if all the problems in the world gone. It was when you finally said “Thank you for granting my lifelong dream, Lord!”
The financial struggle continued but thank God for health insurance, you were able to continuously went to prenatals and get the required laboratory tests for you and your growing tummy.
Days, weeks and months passed and you continued to wonder how you can possibly love a person so much when you haven’t seen them yet. But still you can’t help but think this is not a happy pregnancy because you think you don’t have enough support to go through this, your partner is being a pain in the behind and you worry so much about the finances, which you are well aware is affecting your little fetus.
As your due date comes to a close, your list of what ifs continuously grow:
What if I’m working around too much that it’s stressing baby out?
What if I don’t know how to push when the right time comes?
What if there are complications with either me or baby during labor or childbirth?
What if we need a lot of medications and instruments to help us through childbirth and it will cost us a lot? We don’t have any savings!
If anything’s not right with my baby, I’m definitely going to blame myself for not taking care of both of us.
But all you can do for now is talk to your baby and work as a team come childbirth. You may be a first time mom, you may not know everything there is to know, and this may have come as a shock to you but you know you can do this, mommy! You’re baby can’t wait to see you either!
Just remember a quote form around the internet:
“A baby is never a mistake. A surprise sometimes, but never a mistake!” ☺
