* skinny dicked bastard

𝙈𝙔  𝙂𝙄𝙍𝙇  𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙉𝘼  𝙂𝙊  𝙍𝘼𝙒.   𝙎𝙃𝙀  𝘼𝙇𝙇  𝙄𝙉 𝙈𝙔  𝘿𝙍𝘼𝙒𝙀𝙍𝙎  𝙏𝙍𝙔𝙉𝘼  𝙂𝙄𝙑𝙀  𝙈𝙀  𝙍𝙊𝘼𝘿  𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿 joel   '   goin'  thru  it   '   van   dyne. 𝙄❜𝙈  𝙇𝙄𝙆𝙀  𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏❜𝙎  𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙄𝙉𝙂  𝘿𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙎.   𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏  𝙆𝙄𝙉𝘿𝘼  𝙂𝘼𝙈𝙀  𝙄𝙎  𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎....

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼 answer immediately

romeo: well we know i spend the majority of my time either beat up or beating off so, truly what's the difference.

romeo: well what if im dead but still concious, or trapped in my brain while in a coma like that one hayden christensen movie, you'd never know i was still there.

romeo: would you pull the plug on me piglet?.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: romeo i'd be the jessica alba to orchestrate all that bullshit on a rough day but never. i'd down some pills by the cafeteria for you or wherever the fuck that happened

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: we'll meet in a dark room in some astral plane and i'll call you a colossal dipshit as they put my heart in your limp body. i take off to hell knowing its being put to use i'm proud of. the world's next immortal opens his eyes. keanu reeves panics from the other side of the world.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i have to rewatch this. it sounds way better in my head all of a stoned sudden

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. cecily j.

cecily: heather chandler voice: bite me joel!

cecily: okay i'll take one for the team. maybe he's got shrooms or something too but i bet i'd have to whip out a tit or a knee for that

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i'm the stupid fuck you can't defeat, scrunchie.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: a knee? extreme but fucked up and disturbingly sexy of him so probably.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: strikes me as more of the whiffing type though i'd say anticipate a nose up ur pit at any point. lucky..

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you were my favorite naked brother

     sir, this is wendy’s.

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. naomi p.

naomi: you know i'm right.

naomi: .. is it bad that im glad it wasn't tho

naomi: never been in this position before

naomi: i haven't heard anything. should i go to her place??

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: you're feeling irrationally guilty is what i know.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: is it bad that you're glad someone else got got even if it's someone you care about? maybe but it doesn't matter. you're okay. kota's okay. she'll be okay. someone else isn't.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: if you feel like you need to, sure.

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼 answer immediately

romeo: someone tried to grab my cardboard door and use it as a surfboard down the stairs.

romeo: i'm suing for emotional trauma and financial damages.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: oh they could try and succeed in beating the shit out of you with that door for all i care

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: as long as you're good as in not DEAD, i'm good

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: ...but just in case i'm NOT we can rob em tmrw i'm free if you are

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. cecily j.

cecily: i swear tg if you smoke any of that weed im going to slap u with a leather glove

cecily: ya im good. this guy outside the bar is offering me ecstasy if i show him my toes think its a good idea?

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: a complete fool if you thought that "threat" would work but dw i won't

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i mean it's not a BAD idea. your toes are far from clapped you'd secure that shit and more if he's weird enough

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. cywus

cyrus: [ . . . ]

cyrus: bro define "good"

cyrus: i'm havin a weird night like RIGHT before the jigsaw app updated some blonde asked me suggestively if i wanted to "play jenga" and idk what the fuck she meant bt i haven't seen her since

cyrus: i'm getting those 'might have been a good idea to stay home and watch bob ross' vibes

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: bro fuck bob ross you just defined it wtf

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: that's my crack angel right there... you have to find her.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i'd pull up if i wasn't how i was, doing what i'm doing right now but you gotta!

[melonmemes]

[fleetnaturals-deactivated202110]

this tweet was the inspiration behind ariana’s japanese tattoo

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generallyhuman‌:

sonypraystation‌:

baetology‌:

Describe your perfect date in detail.

ideal date: it happens

What is my perfect date? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years; she’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

[shitty-car-mods-daily]

[timotaychalamet]

Dude (2018) dir. Olivia Milch

[rohgoreihgiorefdhgirehgreihg-de]

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. naomi

naomi: [...]

naomi: should have been me

naomi: who the hell has anything against honey??

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: don't.

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i don't know but it doesn't necessarily have to be something against her

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: is she saying anything to you? do you know where she is?

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* 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘀𝘀𝗴 𝘁𝗼. open

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: i'm only watching your shit in case something wild happens shut up

𝗷𝗼𝗲𝗹: and it did if you haven't heard so like text me back when you're all good. seriously.

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@biconaustinmoon: someone start a Twitter argument w/ me I'm bored

@promiscuous2006: @biconaustinmoon sexy quasimodo bout to pop off on us

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*   𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗲   :    violence incited on his buddy boys at a denny’s parking lot? he’s On His Way! from his lil cousin’s bat mitzvah with a borrowed sword right now.     sound equipment bought on sweet ass deals, babey!       a bike only used to make a point.       that one vine that got you in detention for playing loud on accident in class.       a ride at a pier taken one too many times in a row;   bleary-eyed and reminiscing of a better time where he didn’t straight up moan after that first bong hit.         the shocker of an earburn through a movie marathon that you can’t say shit to because he’s hosting.         “let’s start a podcast.”  "i will find your parents.“       the mole you thought was cancer when you were twelve. .     ／        𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗟   𝗠𝗜𝗧𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟   𝗩𝗔𝗡  𝗗𝗬𝗡𝗘.   𝗘𝗦𝗧.   𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟴

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