Lorraines Blog

[astrolocherry]

libra can appear like they live in a rosy glass world designed by positivity, ideals, loving relationships, and memories they long for again  but they can do this because the storm is always threatening on the horizon. they belong in the subconscious twilight, everything they have now was traded for loss. darkness falls in love with libra so well,  and he always waits for her to arrive after the sun sets, giving her numerous reminders that the day cannot shine forever. so libra is declaring to the darkness, i am naming myself in the vibration of love, i will not let your hell become my world, and that is the only way that libra can be seen, to be lamp of love radiating from within the dense shadows 

[spookylorraineblog]

College

I don’t want to go to college 

i dont want to go into to anything 

because i dont even know who i am or what i want to go into 

I just feel like everyones pishing me into something im going to regret BUT if i don’t do anything soon then I’m going to make no oney or get naywhere or be able to move out SO IM FORCED REGARDLESS

[spookylorraineblog]

October 23

So Will has a super pretty cute MODEL girlfriend and i’m currently broken to pieces with no chance of coming out of my cave of broken feelings. I know he was dating someone and I knew she was cute but seeing pictures of them absolutely kills me. She seems ambitious and she has a brand and is perfect for will and im just dying because i always feel like he’s lying to me ALWAYS. I just have no trust in him and i wish i could have trust in him. Especially when he has a nice cute girlfriend. Sigh....  I just want to run away and be homeless or jump off a bridge or something. I just feel like nothing will ever get better that i’m always number 2, that i need to be better to be number 1. He doesnt understand how I feel at all. That i want to vomit and stab my heart with the sharpest knife possible. I don’t want to even message him i just want to cry. I JUST WANT TO CRY I HATE MY HEART FEELING LIKE THIS I JUST NEED A WAY TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. 

[spookylorraineblog]

October 22 2018

I met this guy named Will two years ago and from the moment i met him i instantly liked him. He makes music and I of course listened to it everyday, he was really quite good at it, his voice was wonderfully smooth. I always cared for him and loved him for who he was and he always made me really happy. He always knew what to say to make me feel better. I didn’t want to like him at first because I didn’t really know him too well, but that didn't stop my heart. It’s been a constant battle of feeling like I liked him too much and that he didn't like me at all. I haven't seen will and a year and a half and I miss him a LOT, like everyday I think of him, and if ill ever see him again. Wills gonna be famous and it would be cool to be famous, yeah, but its not my overall goal. I just want to be happy, help people, and want a family. I don’t know if he wants that or if i’m just being silly but thats how i feel. Oh! and I want to travel and love someone for who they are completely ...is that irrational? To love someone completely? because I have always wanted to marry him and have a family and make music and sing at a campfire or go on adventures and cook food and watch tv and cartoons and painting, art, laughing, running, running away from everything in the world that's horrible because we in ourselves make everything okay. He makes everything okay and i may be wrong about all of this. I might just seem SUPER dumb. We may not work out but god I hope we do. I’ve always wanted to show him how much i love him, not being able to hurts. He talked to me today and honestly I didnt know how to feel. I feel like im always bothering him but at the same time when he doesnt respond i feel sad, really sad, like 2 minutes he hasn't responded and I’m like “why did i fall for this guy he doesnt care oh wait, he’s just a normal person and normal people take some time to respond i’m just crazy over him and can’t wait to hear every word he says”. I hope hes not lying…. I hope he really likes me :/ because I miss him a lot. If he is lying i will be IMMENSELY hurt. Let’s hope thats not the case and I can live my dream to be with William Anderson.

[spookylorraineblog]

Play overwatch with me! 

[spookylorraineblog]

October 25th

I don’t feel 18 but it’s starting to kick in I suppose

Turns out i’m pregnant! a month pregnant 

and I want to keep it because i don’t feel morally right for some odd reason

all of these hormones are making me so wishy washy and emotional 

i cried like three times today, and i also felt like i was gonna throw up all day.

so kinda lame my cysts are still in my ovaries so that pain is really bad

can’t sleep on my side, it’s hurts way too much 

been feeling trapped because i can’t go to sleep until i’m dead tired

or else i’ll be restless and won’t be able to go to sleep.

My boyfriend Jaden has been really helpful 

I love him so much 

so so much.

[spookylorraineblog]

classy days in Michigan :) 

[spookylorraineblog]

It’s my birthday today ^_^

10-10-17

[spookylorraineblog]

[spookylorraineblog]

October 9nth

I owe it myself to write about my boring life. Not doing anything anyways. I really want to trip again off of like anything. Shrooms would be ideal but I really miss that world. My World. I feel so connected with this reality. too connected. My birthday’s tomorrow, and I’m kinda excited. It’s just a day but does it mean something? So last night I had a lucid dream that started in a castle, I was at the bottom,  and the line was filled with like 500+ people. I just went with it and they leaded us up the castle. It was about like 2 hours worth of stairs, it was a really long time. When I got to the middle everyone behind me started to bicker about how slow I was going, I just didn’t care and kept going my speed. Then this woman with blondish grey hair approached me and led me to a stage. When I looked behind I was surprised because no one was behind me and there were only 5 people infront of me. There were three people kneeling towards a Musical machine on the stage, and a Tall slim man next to it. long story short I was put next to the other people and they put on the machine. The music sent me to this room with the Grey haired woman, and the Man. the grey haired woman played a spiritual board game with me on the importance of growth. They both watched me the entire time. Isn’t it weird that we don’t think about how people were a long time ago? like in 200 hundred years we will be forgotten, maybe. We do have technology. 

[spookylorraineblog]

October 7nth

Okay so only three more days until m y birthday. For some off reason i feel like October 7nth is a pretty important day. Since it's like 2am in the morning i don't know. Today was a calm day Jaden and Gabe both got jobs at wendys and they're moving in so that's neat. Life here is quite boring but that's because I can't travel. Once i can drive i'll be everywhere, when I can

[spookylorraineblog]

October 6th

So I decided to write another entry, what a intresting few days to to write about. S o there is another me in my head that I hear. Like a different version of me that give off a manic yet calm vibe. When I meditate I can't get her/me out, she wont stop talking( just rambling something frantic that I can't quite distinguish). So I'm wondering what is going on exactly. I've been cutting and no, not because I hate myself or am seeking attention, moreso I don't fucking know why. I crave it and when I'm doing it i'm completely calm doing it, it's almost as if I shut down and am gone from everything for a second, a second to escape this reality as it is. Other than that I stopped talking to my friend Will because I feel like he's toxic and fake when he isnt with me. I feel like he just messes with people and that's not cool. I wish he was the person he was when he is around me. Maybe it's all an act but it felt real and not fake to me :(. So I stopped talking to him, it's pretty cool that he's on spotify now though :). Cole my dog is getting pretty big, not too sure how old he is. Today was an okay day I havent really been doing much, been getting better at music I GUESS.

[spookylorraineblog]

Tuesday October 3rd, 2017

Why have I not blogged at all? Like do I want to forget everything? so I guess i’m gonna start to. It is 4:10am and it has been quite a stressful night because my friend got offended on how I felt on him. Then he presumed to freak out and cause a scene, ending him up in the back of a cop car because he was trying to kill himself in the street. Now I don’t know why I’m friends with people that are so unstable, but what is really being stable? everyone has flaws. When my friend got home we smoked a joint and talked for awhile, things are better.