Sweet Night
Plot: Taehyung may be one of the purest creatures in the world. Heart as clear as the waters of the Pearly Waters, he only knows how to love, he doesn’t make any exceptions nor differences; his soul cannot love one thing more or less than the other. That’s how angels are made. Nevertheless, how can it be that his eyes seem to linger on your rosy cheeks too much and his fingers tingle to reach for you? When did his heart start to clench at the thought of you?
Pairing: Angel Taehyung x Reader
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, Smut
Wordcount: 48k
Content Warning: Existential crisis, pining, major injuries, Taehyung is unexperienced, blow job, love making
Author's Note: This took me so long, I started writing it around February in 2021, and I didn’t think it would take this much for me to finish it, but I’ve made it. While writing this I had the chance to visit Venice and Istanbul, I edited a bit of it during my stay in Seoul in October too, and every time I thought that my stay there would be the perfect place to finish it, but every time I would just end up writing a piece of it, in every place I’ve been. I like to think that this piece contains all the cities I’ve visited while I was in the process of making it, and also a bit of myself in the last two years. I loved listening to Taehyung’s songs while writing this, the lyrics of his songs inspired me a lot, and going on through the story you will be able to see that I loved creating connections with his lyrics. I hope you will like it, it’s a work that took me a lot of effort but I loved every minute of it.
Also, I have to say that I couldn’t wait anymore to post it, because sadly or luckily, I can’t seem to start a new piece and give it my best if I have one that it’s not finished, so it was kind of blocking me too a bit, I’m glad it’s finally out. Let me know your thoughts about it!☺️ Happy new year again💜
On my pillow
Can't get me tired
Sharing my fragile truth
That I still hope the door is open
It’s midnight, dark sky and lonely streets. The air is still, light and empty. A normal person wouldn’t see it, in fact she doesn’t. But Jungkook does. He sees beside her white hair, what is happening in the air, just above the empty pillow at her side. It’s one of those shows you only get to see once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky. It doesn’t happen often for energy in another space to be this strong and loud, to manifest itself like this, in a total different universe.
He must have loved her a lot, he thinks. The beautiful white sparkles are only visible for his eyes, a clear sign of what is happening in another world.
But the door is closed now, and there’s no way to get back.
Cause the window
Opened one time with you and me
Now my forever's falling down
Wondering if you'd want me now
-
Taehyung never felt attracted to someone in his entire life. Never. It’s not in his nature. Creatures like him don’t fall in love, they were born in love and they love everything the same. He was born in love with anything, from light to air, to fire, to rivers. Even the wind is the muse of his endless love, even the leaves of those odd trees belonging to the Earth, the ones that seem to cry for the whole day. He remembers he once asked himself how would it be to look like them, always sad and gloomy.
Creatures like him cannot love more than they already do, it’s impossible. It’s not predictable, it’s not written in the stars. They are naive, in the best side of the word. They just know the good, they just do good. Their love for everything is always at its peak.
Taehyung fell from the stars. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. He doesn’t remember it, he simply can’t. His memories about his departure and arrival have been erased the very first moment he took a step on Earth, it would be too dangerous for him to remember how he got here, how he could go back to Heaven or simply come back to Earth.
That is the very meaning behind his clothes, his wingless body, his shoes. If he thinks of how uncomfortable the jeans he’s wearing are he can’t help but huff. Flying around naked was far way better than this endless walking and all of this useless clothes. Why do humans care about things like these? They all have the same bodies after all. What’s that big thing about showing it? His feet are hurting, wrapped by the shoes in such a little space that his fingers are almost cramping. They must’ve given him the wrong size in Heaven. He needs new shoes, he can’t live on Earth like this; he’s going to have bruises. Oh, how good it was to never feel physical pain, all he needed there was just a little bit of love to recover from anything. A little sparkle of something positive, right and pure from Earth and all of his problems would go away.
He turns to his right. The frame he casts in the glass of the shop almost makes him take a second look to make sure, but he refuses. It’s him. It’s just different, he is different. He’s never seen himself dressed, let alone without his wings. The favorite part of himself, what he was used to recognize as his. They are the very first thing that used to matter to him - about himself - in Heaven. He used to take good care of them, keep them clean and soft, they were his favorite spot to be caressed to, the one that his friends used to always compliment him about. Other than that, Taehyung didn’t really think to look good.
There was an angel in Heaven, he remembers him clearly.
Seokjin, was his name. He was beautiful, really beautiful. Ethereal beauty, reddish cheeks, slender eyes, the lightest skin he’s ever seen - after the one of Yoongi, an angel that is now on Earth too, too bad he doesn’t know where and who he’s looking after -. Seokjin’s wings were the biggest he’s ever seen, the most clean, the purest. He still remembers how he would hold his breath every time he would talk to him, his cheeks blushing and his voice trembling. He used to make him feel a little self conscious. At least he had his wings.
Now, at their place lays nothing. Empty skin, empty back covered by layers of clothes.
He continues his walk, trying to remember the informations the oldest angels had told him in Heaven.
“Your instinct will find your person and guide you”, they had told him, “close your eyes and keep your mind empty, you are joined together by fate”.
Taehyung does as they told him, eyelids lowering and mind immediately going blank. It takes him a few moments but then he hears it... the sound of- what is it? Something rustling, it sounds like paper? Pages, pages turning. He just has to follow the sound, right? He opens his eyes again, startled by the sudden light of the sun that only brings tears to his dark eyes. He’s still not used to it. He tries to keep his mind empty as he starts walking back down the street, the sound closer and closer with every step he takes. He only hopes to not be that distant, or else his feet will definitely have bruises by the time he gets there.
Twenty minutes pass, the sound he has been grown used to stops and only leaves him in a lonely silence. His angel nature grimaces for a second, already grown attached to the sound, whatever it was. It wasn’t the sound itself, it was the feeling he felt in his chest for the whole time. The feeling of that red thread connecting him with his person getting shorter and shorter with each step, the beautiful warmth of knowing that he was getting closer. Now, lonely silence is all there is left.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo»
He trips over his own feet, his body falling forward and his hands immediately flying to cover his face from any injury, as if he was already used to mundane life.
The moment he’s down on the ground, the sound becomes even clearer. Sweet melody, sweet tone, sweet voice. There is something nostalgic and at the same time very familiar about it and it makes him stay still on the ground. People walk beside him and give him weird looks, some stop, wondering if he’s okay and getting closer to help him, but all he can listen to it’s that melodic sound, always repeating the same melody.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo»
Taehyung gets up in a second, kindly smiles and bows to the three persons who approached him to ask him if he was okay and suddenly starts running. He knows where to go.
-
The whiff of tea can be smelled even from the entrance, or maybe it’s just his guardian angel instinct that guides him. The melody stopped after a few moments he started running, but he was left with sounds of something scratching against something else - maybe a pen writing on paper -, slow steps from time to time, low hums. On Earth it’s almost 10 pm when he finally gets there. He’s never been here, after all he has never been in this galaxy before today, let alone here, but something inside him tells him that this is the right place.
He should understand when to stop too, right? The human he’s been assigned to shouldn’t see him, it’s the rule. Of course, he tells himself. He will stop once he will find who he’s looking for and makes sure that whoever it is won’t see him.
He pushes the big wooden door open, it creaks and his face contracts in a scowl, afraid of having been caught already he thinks of running away almost. He carefully takes a look inside and the sudden feeling of relief that fills him is inexplicable. He never liked the dark, but now-
«Who’s there?» calls out a voice.
Taehyung feels his heart in his throat. It’s a woman. He’s been assigned to a woman. He can feel the urge to find something, someone, slowly dying out, as if he just found inner peace. The part of him who just needed to listen to his nature, the one who desperately screamed and was ravenous to find you, feels as calm as if he just took a bath in the Pearly Waters, his favorite river back at home. The other part of him, which he cannot really manage to describe right now, is just trying to stay as still as possible and not to breathe.
«Who is there?» the voice calls out again, this time spelling the words clearly and raising in the air as if it were as light as a feather.
Taehyung just hopes that you will stop looking for him, if you will do that then he will be able to open the door as fast as he can and run away to hide, just close enough to not lose you but far enough to not be seen.
A few moments pass, made of solemn silence that only leads his cheeks to a reddish shade for holding his breath for so long, all of his body tingling as he longs for movement.
And then, he hears it again:
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo»
Hearing it from so close it’s different. It’s as if his heart his dancing to it, the melody that just filled the air makes his hair stand on edge. It’s almost melancholic the sound you emit, the way your voice expresses just a meaningless hum with such deep feelings makes him want to see your face out of curiosity.
«How can I do it?» you whisper, ticking the paper on your lap with the back of the pen. Taehyung wonders why you’re in the dark, but he guesses he will have time to find out. Now he just needs to stay quiet without suffocating.
You don’t seem to be looking for someone anymore, and this would probably be the best moment to carry out his plan, but the thought doesn’t even manifest in his mind. His attention his all drawn to you, eyes glistening and flickering in the dark to catch the slightest shadow of your frame. You shouldn’t be too far from him, maybe just a few steps. He’d probably bump into you if he’d took three, maybe four. How tall are you? What type of mundane clothes are you wearing? He saw so many different types just by walking here. He was so focused on finding you that he actually didn’t notice all he was surrounded by. For all his life, he had been told about Earth, hearing stories and fairies, things humans call phones and social, celebrities and VIPs. That really confused him, what’s the difference between the two? Aren’t those the same thing? Anyway, he’s always been quite curious to learn about this planet, how people live, how they think, how they act. In Heaven, everything is simple. Angels, weather guardians, newborns or superiors, even the divinities, they act the way they think, and they live happily because of that. But he’s been told that here most of the people are sad because they don’t do the same.
“There is no melody that connects the notes of the thoughts and the ones of the actions sometimes” had once told him Yoongi as they were flying calmly. His brother had just come back from his first assignment and told him everything he could about what he learnt. Being totally in love with music, Yoongi had turned the concept and made it his by reviewing some parts. And somehow, Taehyung found it even easier to learn.
He was in such a rush before that he didn’t really notice how the cars were honking just a few steps away from him, how some women would wear different shoes from the men, higher.
An huff escapes from your lips and it makes Taehyung stiff against the wooden door. You’re frustrated, he can sense it, he can feel it. He’d just ask you what is happening if it wasn’t for his duties. You must not see him.
He stays silent, but the curiosity eats him alive. Why are you all alone in the dark? He keeps on asking himself. Are you seated or standing? It’s pitch black and he really can’t see a thing. Why are you frustrated?
His mind tries to answer all of his questions, but the truth is that they will come only with time. He’s not good at mundane age, so he just leaves it apart, but he likes to think of your face. He pictures a beautiful woman, reddish cheeks and tongue slightly sticking out as in his fantasy you focus on writing on the papers, producing the same sound he heard along the way. He pictures an artistic soul, and it’s weird, but he feels a little sparkle lighting up and immediately shutting down inside of him at the thought. He’s always been in love with art.
Outside it’s as dark as inside that room when Taehyung finally remembers himself he needs to go out before you do. About half an hour since he came in, you moved in the dark as if you already did it hundreds of times, and walked down the hallway - or that’s what he thought it was from the way your steps echoed. He had decided to stay here for his safety and yours, it would be too risky to follow you. You shouldn’t see him.
Taehyung takes a breath in and tries to move in the dark, stumbling as silent as he can he takes little steps towards the wooden door. His hands touch the lacquered surface and search for the handle, already thinking of his next move. He thinks of where he’s going to sleep tonight, the softness of his favorite cloud in Heaven long gone now. Houses in Heaven don’t look like mundane ones at all, angels sleep where they feel more comfortable; trees, clouds, straw.
First though, he needs to know your routine. In order to protect you, he has to make sure to know you, without really crossing paths with you. Your likes, the people you know, the places you hang out in. That’s what leads him to think he should use just a little bit of Pearly Clouds dust, now resting invisible amidst the strands of his hair. In the form of the tiniest, littlest specks of dust - a different dust from dust, and sand - sparkly, and luminous points of light that sometimes catch the light of the lamps as he walks outside. Made from the soft cotton of the clouds he used to sleep on and then dipped down into the Pearly Waters. They smell like roses and freedom, something that Taehyung has always smelled like. Taehyung has been eager to use it since the moment he took a step on Earth: just the thought of having his wings back is so tempting that he had to focus on something else, but now it feels like the right time. He can’t really get to know all of you in a day, but he can’t protect you if he’s somewhere else looking for a place to sleep, and he wouldn’t know when you’d need him the most since he doesn’t know your routines. He stops in place, a little smile already showing on his face.
Tonight he will sleep where he’s the most comfortable, on the clouds.
-
A quick look around is all that he needs before he quickly raises his hand and brings it to a strand of his soft dark locks. The slight sparkle of the Pearly Clouds dust catches the light of the lamp and shines on his skin, luminous and bright. Taehyung is already letting out a breath of relief at the the picture of his beautiful wings. He shakes his head. One, two, three times. It’s all that it takes for a little amount of dust to fall on his shoulders and then pass through the clothes, fluent as water but without leaving any traces behind.
The shirt he’s wearing will have to be changed, the wings that are now slowly growing out of his back are already stretching the material at its breaking point. He can already distinguish their feathers and the way the wind is blowing through them.
Tonight Taehyung won’t really sleep; too excited by the thought of having his wings back, being able to sleep on the clouds one more time, being on Earth and finally having to take care of someone. He waits for you to come out of the building you both were in, only now realizing that it should be what humans usually call a theatre. He follows you home, spending the first three hours of the dark night on your roof and sometimes glancing down at your window. He watches you as you get under the blankets, using your phone. He manages to take a look at your screen before he quickly hides on the roof again, you just shifted on the mattress. A dress, the number seventy under the picture of it. 70,000. What could it mean?
-
When Taehyung wakes up, the sky is welcoming the sun, exploding in vibrant and vivid colors that take his breath away. The orange mixes with the bright yellow almost effortlessly, the pink that follows remembers him of the colors of those flowers he used to pick up when he was just a boy, begonias. The soft cotton candy under him keeps his body at the right temperature, warm but not hot, fresh but not cold. It remembers him that he will have to forget about the comfort of the clouds for a long time and start sleeping like humans. How is it to sleep under the sheets? Are there even sheets that are as soft and comfortable as clouds?
He lets out a dreamy breath, still amazed by the view he’s facing. The sun seems so close, but he knows it’s far away. Still, he raises an hand and punches the bright circle in the middle, until the rays of sunshine cut the skin of his fingers as if the sun was about to explode. The gesture makes him smile, just like a child would do. He closes his eyes, trying to impress in his mind the feeling of warmth before he decides it’s time to get up. His wings are still there, closed and hanging down his body in all of their length, touching the clouds as if they were a cape. Feathers as white and soft as the cotton candy under his feet, Taehyung wishes they could keep him company during his time on Earth. He yawns, stretching out his arms and curling his back, his wings spread wide as they do the same. Magnificent and impressive, they could do envy to the most grand of volatiles.
His yawn is so cute that if he were back in Heaven Jimin would pinch his cheeks and kiss his nose, a gesture that they both are pretty attached to. Now that he thinks about it, he misses his friend.
He shakes his head. He has work to do, and he still has to cloud his teeth - as angels call it -. He squats down, studying the soft and puffy cloud he searches for a spot that will reveal itself as the one he prefers. Taehyung shakes his head and walks towards the edge, the houses and buildings can be seen under his feet and make his heart skip a beat as he takes in once again the fact he’s not in Heaven anymore. His eyes meet the edge of the cloud, they travel just a few steps inward and smile. He stoops down and pinches the cloud, light pressure to be sure not to make it dissolve but enough to break it and hold it in his hands. Then, he eats it. The flavor is the same as in Heaven, because after all they are the only part of it allowed to be in a different galaxy. Strawberries and sugar, the sweetest of flavors and his favorite of all.
Taehyung gulps, but there is really nothing left in his mouth, it’s just an habit of is. Clouds have taste and consistence just for a few moments, they dissolve themself once they are in an angel’s mouth, angels use them for the good breath they leave, just like humans use toothpaste; but clouds are more fun.
-
Taehyung has stared at your window for half an hour before you woke up. The weird high-pitched sound of a melody played already three times and you shut it down by tapping on the screen of your phone with sleepy eyes and murmuring something he didn’t understand. By the time you wake up he has learnt that you desperately love arts, in general. You have plenty of books on your nightstand, as if having just two or three wasn’t good enough, a big colorful painting on the wall where your bed is located, an open scribbled book on your desk that he cannot really read from here. Maybe you’re a writer.
You groan when that shrill melody fills the room again, finally sitting up and yawning as if there’s no tomorrow. Taehyung smiles wide at the view. It’s something he’s pretty used to see but Yoongi once told him that humans tend to cover their mouths when they yawn. He feels a little bit more at home now. He watches you as you get up, stretch out and go to the bathroom. He waits for you and he starts to think that you probably fell asleep again just when you’re coming back in your room. Your hair are not messy and disheveled anymore, brushed and neat they frame your face perfectly. You look less sleepy too, more aware of your surroundings and your body you walk towards the wardrobe looking for something to wear. When your hands reach the hem of your shirt to take it off his cheeks burn like fire and are as red as a pepper. He should not watch this, humans cover theirselves because they don’t want to be seen right? He hides his face behind his hands.
An honk coming from the street makes him jolt and only now he seems to understand that he shouldn’t do what he’s doing. There is a reason why wings aren’t allowed here, and it’s pretty simple. Angels shouldn’t be identified. He can’t just fly around with his wings spread wide and hope for someone not to see them.
Taehyung huffs, flying to the ground and almost tripping on his own feet. The ground feels to hard under the soles of his too little shoes, it makes him pout like a baby, but he has no choice. He withdraws his wings, quickly and painlessly. It’s time to get used to this place, he says to himself.
-
Angels are fast learners, and Taehyung could easily be the fastest. By the time you came out of your house he learned more things about you then the people you know probably. You like to keep your garden clean, you take good care of your plants, green and vibrant even if the temperature is low and freezing. You like to feel good, the way you move on your high heels tells him it, you feel at your best when you look good for yourself. Taehyung tries not to look too much at the shoes you’re wearing; they remember him he’s still wearing his wrong sized sneakers, and he cannot cheat and fly today. Your heels tick the floor like a watch as you get to your car. Humans use them as if they were their wings, he thinks to himself. It takes him a few steps to realize that if you’re going to use it he’s going to have a rough time with following you: certainly, he can’t follow you in the car and hope that you won’t see him. He hopes with everything he has that you just have to take something from it, but luck isn’t by his side today. You seat and close the front door, already turning up the engine. When you get out of your park Taehyung is huffing and pouting like a baby, hoping that his instinct will guide him wherever you are going to be at.
-
It’s been two hours. Is it okay that he doesn’t know where you are? He doesn’t feel anything, he doesn’t know where to start looking. How funny, such a creature as him lost in a world like this. Taehyung took a walk in the streets, meeting the eyes of a few people and even smiling at them, without knowing he improved the day of one of them; for someone who’s feeling lost sometimes the smile of a stranger can work more than anyone could think.
He even stopped at a shop, he looked through the glass and found a pair of shoes he liked. He was almost about to go in, but then he noticed a little piece of paper hanging from one of the laces, so many numbers written on it. He didn’t know what they meant so he just kept going his way, walking down the street, now taking a look at all the glasses: almost everything had numbers assigned, wether hanging from the clothes or at the sides of the glasses.
He kicks a pebble. He should not be taking a walk now. He should study you in order to be able to protect you, but what can he do about it? He shouldn’t have used his Pearly Clouds dust yesterday, he could’ve just slept on a bench or on the grass of your garden, hidden behind that big tree maybe, and save it for today. He still has enough, but what if he’ll need it for something more serious? You could be in danger at some point and he could-
His bum is on the ground, and it certainly isn’t as soft as the clouds he used to fall on, not even the grass or the straw. This is hard, and it hurts. What-
«I’m sorry! Let me help you, I’m so sorry. I’m late and I wasn’t taking attention- sorry» it’s the voice of a man, apparently belonging to someone who cannot be older than maybe 28. His hair are dark, soft nose and hearty lips, shiny eyes under the sky of Seoul. Taehyung smiles at him from the ground, now shaking his head at the man who is reaching out his hand. The angel softly massages his butt with an hand, the other one accepting the help.
That’s when he sees it, something he saw you wear this morning, the exact same thing. A bracelet, grey and white with the acronym 서울 NL. Seoul NL, he repeats to himself.
«Don’t worry,» he smiles at the stranger again «what are you late for?»
There’s something in Taehyung’s features that makes the man stop all of his hurried thoughts for a moment; maybe it’s the childishness in his question, maybe his deep and curious eyes.
«Work, I was-»
«Oh, work! Can I come with you?»
He doesn’t even think about it twice, he doesn’t think that such a genuine and pure question would sound odd or look bad in this world. Taehyung just wishes to find you.
«How- Why? My work?» the man raises his eyebrows, stiffing in front of him. He tries to study the angel, from the way he’s dressed to the way he stands and looks at him. Maybe his question his weird, but there’s something inside him that tells him that he couldn’t hurt a fly, not even if he wanted.
«I need to go there anyway» Taehyung clears his throat, trying his best to look confident. Lies are not angels’ strong suit. The man’s eyebrows reach an even higher point on his forehead.
«How- You know where I work?»
«I- I saw your bracelet» he answers. Only then the man seems to loosen up more, his lips stretching out in a smile, visibly more at ease. Taehyung doesn’t really scare him but it’s still weird to be asked of something like that.
«Oh, alright? Follow me» he nods, already walking his way to work. Taehyung stands still for a second, eyes big and shiny as he finally realizes that maybe he will be able to carry on his work.
«What do you need, anyway?» the man asks again. Only then he realizes he has to follow him, running and grimacing at the pain of his feet in those uncomfortable shoes. It’s the moment he sides him, the man looks at him for an answer and he huffs to himself for being so unwitting of Earth.
«Shoes?» he hopes it’s the right answer. Taehyung keeps his gaze fixed on the street in front of him as they continue walking, the laughter of the man beside him breaking the silence.
«We don’t sell shoes at the library, dummy!»
-
Taehyung already learned a lot of things. He learned the man’s name is Hoseok, Jung Hoseok. He’s 28 and he was born in Gwangju, he’s a vibrant person. He likes to talk and he enjoys company, he’s good at socializing. He works in a library and he loves his job. Oh, and he has a hyung - more for later coming -.
He learned about the weather, apparently on Earth it rains. Water falls from the sky and Taehyung can’t really understand why Hoseok is using a weird object made of cloth - and iron? - to cover his head. He likes water, he doesn’t want to cover, what is the matter of avoiding it? So he just follows him, shaking his head when the man tries to welcome him under his umbrella, that’s how he called it. He likes to avoid the puddles and jump on the damp ground, he admires the circles that every drop softly draws in the stagnant water.
He learned that people on Earth look at you with emotions in their eyes he cannot discern. They look at the children that jump from a place to another but don’t look at him in the same way when he does the same. Only Hoseok doesn’t glance, he just smiled when he saw him doing it for the first time.
He also learned that people here apparently address each other with so many names, but he only remembers some: hyung and unnie. Hoseok talked about his hyung and mentioned an unnie, but he wasn’t talking about himself apparently. Taehyung already forgot the whole thing, he’s taking in too many informations.
Anyway, they finally arrive. 서울 National Library written in big letters on the face of the building, Taehyung’s breath gets stuck in his lungs. The glasses don’t hinder the view at all: majestic shelves that reach the ceiling display hundreds, thousands - maybe even billions, he thinks - of books. They seem to be of all kinds; colored, thick, thin, old, new, all containing different things. Just like people, he thinks. He saw so many different people only by coming here, maybe if humans are like books he could learn more about this place by reading some of them.
«Alright, it was nice to meet you, Taehyung.» Hoseok bows at him.
«I should get to work now, if you need help feel free to let me know»
Now that Hoseok is gone Taehyung feels a little bit more relaxed, he doesn’t need to hold back his expressions anymore when he meets something new for him. Wether it being a picture hanging on the wall or the colorful cover of a book. He’s just like a baby, with the difference that babies don’t really notice such ordinary things as pictures, they are used to them.
His face changes even more when he turns a corner and finds you ordering the books on the shelves. He’s facing your back but he recognizes you anyway, and he finally feels proud of himself. He was starting to feel helpless this morning, he was even questioning himself, did the superiors had made the right choice by choosing him, maybe he wasn’t ready? Now he can say that at least he knows where you work, a big step. Sometimes he used to hear guardian angels talk about what happened to their humans at their work place, knowing where you spend most of your time makes him feel more secure. He nods to himself. All he has to do now is waiting and see when your shift ends, he could take a look around in the meantime. He’s about to turn when he hears your voice: «Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo»
It’s always the same melody, always the same notes. It must be really stuck in your head, he thinks. He watches you as you lift your arm and fix a book on the shelve, making room for a new stack by removing some of the others. He pictures you pout in concentration and even though he’s not sure if that is one of your habits, he still thinks it would look cute. He tries to memorize the way you like to dress, taking in every cloth and imprinting it in the back of his mind. A book falls from your hands and goes straight to the ground. He’s about to help you when he remembers he cannot interact with you. He just can’t, so he quickly walks away, not too far but not even too close. That’s the right distance.
-
Taehyung is still stuck in place, second bookshelf and eyes fixated on a book he almost finished. It’s interesting, with all of those drawings and colors. He doesn’t know who draw them on the book but they’re so magnetic and deep that he doesn’t mind it. He read fifty pages and he still finds it as interesting as in page one.
«Namjoon seonbaenim, my shift has ended for today» your voice instantly makes him close the book with a dull sound. Taehyung squeezes his eyes and mentally scolds himself, if it wasn’t for your voice he probably wouldn’t have noticed you were going to leave soon. He still has to get used to having to look after someone.
«Alright, come here» Namjoon smiles at you, a big smile. Two dimples appear on his cheeks as you approach him behind the counter, his hands hiding behind it as he roommates in one of the drawers.
«Payday,» he hands you a white little bag «have a good afternoon»
Taehyung cannot discern more than what he already heard, too far away from you. He watches as the both of you hug each other, your smiles tell him that you’re not just coworkers but also friends. And from the way Namjoon looks at you, maybe he wishes for more. It makes Taehyung pout again; do you know that he has feelings for you? It’s sad when love is unrequited.
Namjoon looks at you just like him: from far away. And his eyes don’t leave you until you’re out of the building in your coat and with your purse on your shoulder.
Taehyung follows you outside a few seconds later, trying as much as he can to go unnoticed. He’s always a few meters away from you, he stops when he sees you halt in front of the glasses of the shops and he walks again every time you shake your head and start back on your tracks. He wonders where is your car, but the answer comes to him a second later: you’re not going home. In fact, you stop again in front of another glass, keep your gaze locked on something he cannot discern from this far away and nod to yourself before entering. Taehyung raises his eyebrows, now more curious than ever.
He walks towards the glass, it takes him only a few steps to understand this is a music shop. They sell guitars, pianos, violins, any kind of instrument. The black numbers written on the paper at the side of the window are not missing here too and he huffs and boots a pebble; he cannot understand how Earth works. His eyes search for you, your figure moves after the one of the employee, following him as he shows you instruments that have your eyes sparkling, Taehyung can see them from where he’s standing. Then, you point to one of them and the man nods.
Taehyung watches you as you get to the booth, opening your bag and then bringing out a little bag - really little -. It takes the man a bit of time to get to the counter, but when he finally faces you again there is a white box in his hands, and this one is pretty big. He places it in front of you, and it’s all it takes for you to open the tiny object in your hands, handing him some pieces of - paper? -
The man in turn gives you another piece of paper - a white one, Taehyung notices - with others that have different colors. What is the meaning behind all of that? He doesn’t understand it again, and he feels frustrated. Earth is so much more complicated than it seems, that’s for sure.
-
You’re singing that melody again, and Taehyung doesn’t know why but he smiles at the sound. It’s just magical, he can’t help it. He has looked at you for the whole day, and only now he’s noticing the love you have in your eyes when you sing, even if it’s just meaningless words, he can see in your irises the same sparkle he saw when you looked at that instrument today. That box is still on your desk, left untouched and closed as you doodle something on a book, almost looking frustrated. You puff a second later, closing the book and getting up from your bed to get to the desk. Your hands place on the wood, staring at the white case for a few seconds before you finally touch it. Your fingers touch the cloth with admiration and Taehyung gulps as he sits down on the grass of your garden, just behind that big tree. You won’t see him from your room.
The box is being opened, and what’s inside makes the angel’s mouth hang open, so much that it almost hits the ground. A saxophone.
Taehyung doesn’t know why, but he feels suddenly closer to you. He knows you a little bit more today, he thinks.
-
The days go by: Taehyung sleeps in your garden every night, hiding behind the big tree and curling in a little ball to warm himself. During the day he usually follows you to make sure you’re safe. He learned more things but he still feels unwitting. Earth is so different from Heaven. He misses the flavor of the clouds, his wings and walking around naked. Honestly, the more time he spends with clothes on, the more he wishes to take them off. Though he can’t look only at the bad sides, he can’t say he’s totally lost. He learned your routine: you wake up everyday at seven, your shift starts at eight and it takes you half an hour to get ready. You don’t have breakfast, you just go straight to the door once you’re ready and head to your car. The ride from your house to the library usually takes you from twenty minutes to thirty depending by the traffic and once you’re there you work until lunch time. Then, your shift would end and you would go back home to have lunch. During the afternoon you would usually stay at home, once you went out with Namjoon and went to the cinema. Taehyung had to stay outside because he didn’t know how to enter. All those little colourful papers that you were exchanging with the employees were making him go crazy, he couldn’t really understand the meaning behind them; he just thought that since he didn’t have them he couldn’t go in. You like to sing, so much. He would hear you sing every night in the shower, sometimes you’d sing that melody for hours. Still, he has never gotten tired. He loves to hear you. Your voice somehow makes him feel calm, that melody hides a melancholic sentiment that makes his insides melt and freeze all at once, every time he listens to it.
He is doing a good job, after all. He wonders if there’s someone, anyone, he could talk to, ask things. Do all of the angels sleep in their human’s garden? Do all of them wear tight shoes? Is this the way he’s supposed to do all of this? Those are the questions that are striking through his mind these days. Those and and a growing affection towards his human, towards you. He has gotten used to the way you smile, to the sound of your laughter. He likes to count the sparkles that the lights reflect in your eyes when you look up at the shelves full of books. He never heard you play the saxophone, but he would love to hear you. He sometimes falls asleep with the melody you’re used to sing playing over and over again in his mind, just like a lullaby.
Today, something is different though. You didn’t go to work this morning and you spent the whole day writing on that book, taking it from a room to another as you moved in the house. Taehyung can feel your frustration even through the glasses of your widows, he can see it in the way you pout staring at the book in your hands.
You let the book fall onto your mattress and get up, the rays of the sun hit your skin and at Taehyung’s eyes you look even more beautiful than usual. Your eyes are a few shades lighter now that the sun hits them and your skin looks even more ethereal, you remind him of a mermaid. The ones that live in the depths of the Pearly Waters. He watches you as you walk to your bathroom and close the door. The time that passes is pretty long and he distracts himself by counting the flowers in your garden, looking at the sky he wonders what his friends are doing right now.
When you come out, Taehyung can notice that you’re wearing makeup and your hair are different from before, falling in soft waves on your shoulders they frame your face perfectly.
He blushes once more when your hands reach the hem of your shirt to take it off and he immediately looks away, people don’t like to be seen naked on Earth. Why, he still hasn’t figured it out.
It’s just the matter of a few minutes and you’re opening your front door and rushing out of your house as if it just caught fire, with your purse on your shoulder and your eyes fixed on your car parked just on the other side of the street. Taehyung doesn’t know where you’re heading, and all he can do is think that he’s again many steps away from you. He watches you get in, turn the engine on and leave the way as if you were never there: all he can do is think. Maybe you’re going to work? Then why didn’t you go this morning? Maybe your shift changed. It could be that, but he’s not sure. Or maybe you’re going out with Namjoon again; you both didn’t say anything about it though yesterday. He raises his head looking at the blue sky, as if to wish for a hint. The rays of the sun makes him narrow his eyes, the light blinding him for a second as he wishes once more he could just use his wings. He’d fly up in the sky and your house would just become as tiny as a ant, it would just-
He widens his eyes. You left your window open. Maybe he should just go in and see if he can find an hint of where you’re going. He shakes his head. He can’t do it, angels don’t do things like that. But what if you’re in danger? It’s his duty to protect you, and how should he be able to do so if he doesn’t even know where you are? Taehyung takes a breath in, this time thinking of what Yoongi or Jimin would do, but he doesn’t have the answers. He’d never thought he would be doing something like this when he was in Heaven, but by living on Earth things take different perspectives. He’d never do it if- Just choose, he thinks.
He huffs. He can’t believe himself.
A few moments later he’s entering your room after climbing up the bricks of your wall, a whole new world swallowing him inside. It’s different from looking at it from outside, it feels different. He can smell your perfume, something he never noticed cause he never had the chance of standing close to you. It’s sweet, and in someway it exactly describes you and the things he learned about you. Other than see it from your books and the box containing the saxophone on your desk, he can smell it, he can sense it, your love for reading and music though your scent. Taehyung thinks he’s in an ocean. All of the things in this room have something to do with you and he can’t help but want to swim and understand more and more. Would it be alright? He is curious.
The color of your walls is just a small drop in your ocean, your pajama left undone on the bed it’s another one, just like the book you always carry around and write on. Taehyung likes it here, he feels closer to you. As if he could think of speaking to you like an actual option and not just a thought made by his tired imagination when he’s about to fall asleep, when he takes one last look at your window. He’d like to talk to you and not just stare, filling the silence with subtle perceptions of how you see the world. He’s always been curious, and sadly this doesn’t fit the role of an angel; not on Earth at least. Actions without reactions and naivety have to be long forgotten here; it’s taking him much more time than he’d thought he needed though.
Taehyung almost wants to laugh. He’s eternal and he always had thought that his forever could never be fuller of what it was already before coming to Earth. Angels are born in love: they love everything the same, in the good way, not as if they don’t find interest in anything. They find the world a magical place, see the beauty at its highest peak in everything, they are curious about everything, they look at everything with dreamy and naive eyes. He has never thought he’d feel more about something, cause he already feels so much, he already feels everything. He doesn’t know how to place the new feeling of curiosity in his chest, it’s too much too handle. Is he supposed to feel this way? Is it alright?
-
Taehyung waits until you come back. He didn’t find anything that could lead him to you, not where you were at least. He found a sparkle of something new, something more, though. Wether it is curiosity or other, he cannot quite distinguish it very well. It’s just the fact that it’s even more than more.
It’s dark when you park your car and Taehyung can see that something is off from the very first moment you open your car door. Your face gloomy and your shoulders slightly curled down, as if you were being crashed by the weight of the world. He wonders where the line ends; is he supposed to help you if you look so upset? Where does the line end and begin? What, who is really stopping him from helping you in a emotional situation rather than a physical one?
He shakes his head. It’s normal to have bad days here, he heard angels say it a billion of times.
He made sure to close your window when he got out of your room, he didn’t want you to feel cold when you’d come back. He makes sure that you cross the street safely, that you’re not crying when the light of the lamp lights up your face, cause there’s something inside him that is feeling different. He was alright before he saw you look so sad though. Now, it’s like someone just punched him on his chest. This is new too.
He makes sure you’re alright when you turn on the light of your bedroom, and he does the same once you come out of your bathroom before going to sleep, just as usual. You’re not crying, but there is definitely something wrong. Taehyung wishes for you to feel better tomorrow, he also wishes he could smile at you or hug you tight to give you some positivity, but that is definitely off the list.
He wishes you a good night as he gets comfortable behind your tree, but it’s not a good night for him. The weird feeling in his chest keeps echoing until he wakes up the next day, and he swears he could feel it even in his sleep. He wakes up three or four times to make sure you’re fine.
-
You woke up early this morning, not like yesterday. The sun is up and is shining at its brightest, the sky is clear and the birds are singing. Taehyung makes sure to take more care of you today: he checks your expressions more than usual, searching for just the slightest sign of sadness, he studies the way you walk or look at yourself in the mirror. What follows is always the same routine; you enter the bathroom and Taehyung sits again behind the place that has now become his.
You’re still upset, he can sense it even from here. He’s filling upset too, and he can’t understand why. The feeling of yesterday night was still there when he woke up this morning and it still is now, becoming even bigger and louder the more he waits and waits. It’s subtle, it creeps his way in slowly and in whispers, but once the space is all filled it will be hard to control it. He’s worried, he guesses. It’s so hard to distinguish, all the times he has felt negative emotions in his life wouldn’t be enough to lift all the fingers in one hand. He wishes he was a little wiser in these type of situations.
Your day goes on like usual: you go to work, your shift ends at lunch time and you come back home. You spend the rest of your day cleaning and reading, the box with the saxophone stays untouched on your desk even today. Taehyung is starting to wonder if it’s a gift for someone else. The thought makes him pout but he shakes it off. It’d be weird for him to think that he even guessed that wrong, the first thing that made him think of knowing you a little bit more.
You receive a call when you’re about to have dinner and Taehyung tries to guess who it could be but he doesn’t know what to think. Maybe some friend or Namjoon. He’s about to sit down once again behind your tree and welcome another lonely night that only knows how to steal glances at your window, when he hears the sound of your voice again, always singing the same melody. He’s grown attached to it by now, he sometimes dozes off as it echoes in his ears again and again. He looks at you again, but what he sees is different from what he’s expecting. You’re turning your light off and going out of your bedroom, a coat covering your shoulders and your purse in your hands.
It’s just the matter of a few seconds after that he hears you opening your front door. It’s pretty dark outside, and the moon is already shining in the night sky of Seoul. Where could you be going? He waits for you to cross the street and get to your car like always, already thinking of a way to follow you without having to use his wings. He knows that this time he has to do something; it’s too dark to let you go out without protection. Not that you wouldn’t be able to protect yourself if needed, but he has his duties to respect. With the light of the day he felt a little less pressured by leaving you alone, but this time he can’t ignore it. He has to find a way. Maybe it’s his lucky night though, you never got to your car.
-
The streets are lighted by the lamps, your shadow projected on the ground as you walk follows you even when you turn a corner and Taehyung keeps his eyes on it. It’s the only way he knows to understand what is happening, he can’t stand too close to you or you’ll end up seeing him, so when you take the left he just stares at that blackish frame. He can’t help but think that it’s frustrating, but he can’t do anything about it. Until you get to a pier, the cold, dark water reflecting the moon and letting out silenced sounds, maybe coming from the fishes insides. If he thought it was frustrating before, now it’s even worse. There is absolutely no one here, only you and him are standing in this empty place. And he feels extremely self conscious, knowing that even a breath gone wrong could end up with you seeing him. He tries to breathe as slow as he can as he stops in place behind a tree; it seems to be his favorite hideout when it comes to you.
He watches your back as you stare at the water almost asking her for answers, whispered questions that he’s desperate to witness and try to answer. Taehyung hopes that you will sit on the border and stay there, he couldn’t follow you easily if you’d start to walk again in this big and empty street. The shore looks almost magical captured by this fair light; if Taehyung only could he’d gladly sit with you and admire the night sky. He’d turn and admire your face too, since he didn’t really ever get the chance to see it up close. He’d close his eyes and listen to the waves, to the melody that is now coming out of your mouth. It’s always the same, you never add more or sing less. Taehyung today thinks that maybe it’s just a melody, born as one of those that you sing to your child to make him fall asleep. Maybe your mother or father used to sing it to you. He doesn’t even realize he really closed his eyes unconsciously until he hears the sound of footsteps, they wake him up from his haze and bring him back to consciousness and he leans out to take a better look.
You’re moving to the very shore, careful not to trip and fall over with every step you take. The light of the moon lights up your features and Taehyung’s eyes stay on your face for a bit before you bend down, the light of the moon seems to belong on your face. It’s almost magical the way it kisses every inch of your skin and makes it look even more ethereal than usually.
You untie the knot that’s keeping one of the wooden boats safe and tie the rope around one of the bridge’s legs. Taehyung wonders if you know what you’re doing. He hopes you know how to ride a boat, because if he has to be completely honest not even once in a lifetime he did it. And the thought of having to look after you when not even he himself knows what he’s doing frightens him just a little bit. The thought of letting you go and wait for you on the safe shore doesn’t even pass through his mind, he’d be far way too worried and if something’d happens he wouldn’t be able to do anything. So he takes a big breath.
He watches you get on the boat, moving the oars through the water without any issues or concerns. It slightly calms him down. He waits for you to reach a greater distance before he finally comes out of his hideout, now quickly walking to the bridge. Taehyung’s mind is blank as he chooses one of the boats, he only knows he has to get in the water as soon as possible. What if something happens just now that he isn’t with you? The water looks pretty calm but he repeats to himself he has duties to respect: he has to take care of you. Something inside him stings and it makes him scrunch his nose as he unties a boat from its cord, but he shakes the feeling off. His eyes stare at the wooden bench in the boat and he has to repeat to himself that he’s eternal to finally try to sit. He lifts his leg and insecurely overcomes the wall of the boat, one of his arms raised in the air to balance himself and the hand of the other grabbing at one of the high legs of the bridge as if it was his life. He can already feel all of his anxiety coming back. He doesn’t know anything about this. He doesn’t know how to oar, he doesn’t know how to move. In paradise boats don’t exist, he’s only seeing one up close now. The days spent with you brought him to your library more than he could ever admit, and he read The Little Marmaid and another book that talked about boats, but never once he thought that he’d ride one.
He takes another deep breath. He has to do this.
He doesn’t know how, but he manages to sit down without having water all over his clothes and to move forward just a bit. He’s glad that he choose the boat that was more far away from the others, or else he’s not sure he wouldn’t have hit them. The fact that he moved a little encourages him to keep going, hoping that his instinct will guide him not too far or too close to where you are. You’re still moving and that pushes him even farther: where you are the water his pitch-black under the night sky, not to talk about its depth too. His arms move the oars, muscles twitching as he puts all of his efforts into reaching you, as he does so though, his mind flies at the beautiful view he has in front of his eyes. Only you could lead him here without knowing how much he likes things like this, not that he can love this more than other things, but it still makes him lightheaded. The stars are just as little as specks of dust in the dark and the moon seems even bigger and brighter from here than behind that tree. Taehyung can’t help but think that all of this looks like one of those paintings he saw on that art book at your library on the second day. And you’re the central point of his attention. Even the sparkling stars or the low, gentle sound of the waves can’t distract him from staring at your back, not even the fact that he’s now closer than before. Maybe too close. He can hear your voice, and it’s just like a magic spell: it makes him want to be closer and closer. Your voice is soft, delicate as you once again let out the melody that has been visiting his dreams for nights now. Taehyung still has a lot of things to learn about this galaxy, this space, this world. Still, he feels like he learned them all now that he has you in front of him under this magical sky and in this endless sea. He feels full, like he just ate too much berries or as if he just drank this whole sea.
But he’s still thirsty in another way. It’s hard to describe for him; he never felt like this. The fullness of his chest could be described by happiness. As if you know that you’re so happy that you couldn’t wish for anything else, because you already have it all. But what if by asking, you could be even happier? And it’s just like that. Taehyung feels full of berries, of happiness, but he wishes it could never end. Which is something that he’s again not used to, this light hint of eagerness; it’s not like angels don’t know the feeling of being happy.
He’s thirsty for something else though, and he only realizes it now that he’s looking at your hair and he wishes he could caress them with his long fingers. You captivate him, more than anything else has ever done. You pique his interest, and everyday it’s just a new day of him trying to find out more, as if it will finally come the day that there will be no more to learn. Taehyung shakes his head. His cheeks are reddish as if he used too much Pearly Clouds dust, and he only now realizes that this is too much. All of this thoughts are like waves to his mind: slowly creeping their way in the sand of his ordinary. They make him fragile too; he doesn’t know what to think, he doesn’t know what to do with them. How could he know? They had creeped their way inside his mind so slowly that he didn’t even noticed the day he woke up feeling like this, so intrigued and drown towards you. And then there’s the way he’s looking at you right now, something he totally ignores but from outside, you can say it: totally lost. As if he just lost all the answers - because by now he actually did -, all the questions even. He’s stuck in the middle, and all he can do is stare at your back with eyes full but empty at the same time. For a second he reaches his hand out, it’s almost an unconscious gesture, his fingertip seems to touch your hair from his view and his heart throbs and his chest hurts. He doesn’t know what to think about it. He knows that he’d like to really touch your hair though. Being eternal doesn’t look as appealing as before now knowing that he could never actually reach out and touch you for real, for the rest of your life he will have to look at you from far away. And when you won’t be here anymore? Taehyung gulps at the thought. He’s just like a ship, he thinks. All of his thoughts are waves rushing through his mind and the way he moves with them and navigates through every single emotion just makes him more confused. Will there be a shore to reach?
He already reached it though, he’s already there. You’re the shore.
He just doesn’t know how to understand it yet.
All he knows right now it’s your voice, the way it sings to the sea, its waves almost serve as an instrument, softly playing in the background as you let out your emotions and mix them with the salt of the water, with the light of the moon, with the wind that is lowly whistling. Taehyung feels like he’s in a haze, completely stuck in place, lost in the way your hair delicately fly and make you look even more ethereal. He can’t see your face, but he likes to imagine that you have your eyes closed, lips moving slow as you hum. He feels thankful. He’s calm but at the same time he’s not, and it’s making him incredibly confused and slightly frustrated; but he still feels peaceful. There’s something about you that makes him feel completely in peace, happy and glad to be wherever you are, maybe you are just positive and it can reach him even through all of the space that separates you.
Taehyung comes out of his haze when you stretch your arms out and arch your back, now bringing a strand of hair behind your ear. His hands immediately grab the oars and only the movement makes a part of his pure heart cry.
He wishes he didn’t have to do that all the time, to run away. He wishes he could just stare at you or hear you hum without having to hide behind a tree or on a roof, he wishes he could just walk next to you without having to keep his eyes on your shadow when you take the corner, in fear that there might be another one right after, just in case you were too fast when you took the first one. And as he thinks all of that, his hands still on the oars but his mind stuck in those damn waves made of thoughts, he sees your face. It takes him some time to realize that he’s looking at you, at your skin under the moon, at the lips that were humming just a second ago. And the waves don’t stop, they just grow bigger.
He wishes he could just smile at you, raise his hand and wave, tell you how much he likes the reflection of the moon on the sea, that the smell of the ocean is going to be stuck on his worn out clothes for days because he doesn’t know how to wash them.
He doesn’t even register in the fact that if he can see your face then you definitely can see his, there’s only you and him in this deserted ocean. His mind is too further away to notice the bad in all of this, instead he perceives something else when you start to oar back to the shore, your boat coming closer and closer to his. As he watches you again, he has a picture in his mind: a ship, two ships.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful if he wasn’t the only ship going towards the shore? What if you could take that journey together and stay by the shore? He opened a door the very first moment he saw you, the very first moment his eyes laid on you. And now he’s feeling something he didn’t see coming, something that it’s not supposed to be here, he thinks. What is the meaning behind them, the reason behind his heart beating so fast all of a sudden at the view of you approaching closer.
He thinks he knows you better than he knows himself, because he can understand that again you’re looking frustrated but he doesn’t understand his mind.
Are you my friend? He thinks. It would be funny, hilarious, ironic. Right? To think of you as one when you don’t even know him.
This is all in his head, he thinks again.
It’s frustrating, how he cannot exactly place the day when he woke up feeling more, the day he started to feel like a ship riding the sea and wanting to reach the shore. Maybe when you left your window open and he decided to enter your room? No, he was already curious about you back then, you already had him in your hands.
He just wishes he could understand. For now, as you pass next to him with your boat and give him a little smile, he only can understand that you finally placed your eyes on him. On his face, on his hair, into his eyes, and it seems almost as if you took a look inside him too; he feels like he’s about to explode. Maybe it’s because this was never supposed to happen, not in this world, not in this galaxy and not even in a thousand others. He wonders what was he supposed to do, stay on the shore and wait for you? Stop you from coming? How do other angels deal with all of this? Will your exchange of look change something? How is he supposed to still hide in your garden after this? Maybe that’s more of a personal problem though, just the thought of going back to hiding after looking right through each other’s eyes sends him an odd punch in his chest. Still, he wouldn’t change it. It’s just like the picture in his mind: two ships meeting in the night. Two different worlds, a human and an ethereal figure meeting under the light of the moon and thousands of stars, the space and time don’t even count anymore in front of the simple moment you just shared together, so fast but incredibly meaningful for him and the universe.
One of the ships stays stuck in place though, not sure of where to go or how to call out for help whether it is from his world or yours. The ship can’t do anything else but stay still in the waves, the ones of its thoughts and the actual ones, watching as the light of the moon lights up your back once again. His mouth is open, his mind slowly taking in what just happened, low, meaningless worlds shouting and whispering at the same time inside his head. But he still doesn’t know what to do.
He watches you until you reach the shore and tie your boat back where it was, every inch you take towards the pier and getting away from him seems to light up more and more questions and insecurities inside him. The shore doesn’t look too far anymore now, but it’s cold during this night and Taehyung suddenly thinks about his eternal life. Is he really going to be a lonely ship forever? When you will die and he will have to live with the memories of his human, will he still see himself as a ship? Where will he be heading then? He just realized that he’s only riding the sea to get to you. To understand you, to know you better. When you won’t be here anymore, what will he do? The thought makes him pout. He has the features of a man, but he never looked more naive and little than now. Will forever hold this brief moment of him being stuck like this? This feeling? Because right now he feels like something just clicked and he won’t come back to his old self anymore, like there will be no coming back. He doesn’t like this feeling. But it mitigates the moment he looks at you. Maybe forever will be okay if he can spend it feeling slightly better just like right now, as he looks at you. His eternity seemed way more fun and less nostalgic and malinconic when he yet didn’t know you though. Now it almost seems as it only makes sense with you, and he perfectly knows that that is not supposed to happen. His forever feels sad now, it’s falling down.
-
How could I know?
One day I’d wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
The next day you come back to the sea, and the next one too, and the other. Taehyung keeps following you every night, but he forces himself to stay by the shore. If something happens, he keeps telling himself every night, he’d just have to use a bit of Pearly Clouds dust. It’s the only way to keep you safe without seeing him again, and it’s taking him all of his strength to stand by the pier without riding the first boat he finds. If something happened and he couldn’t reach you quickly enough he knows he’d feel lost for the rest of his forever; but his eyes lay on you and see you expertly oar, as if you already did this hundreds of times and he feels a little more calm, just the slightest.
Every night, he likes to wonder about a different thing. The first one, it was about your childhood. He imagined that your dad taught you how to ride, he imagined a younger version of that smile you gave him and wild hair flying with the wind as the sun kisses your face. He imagined your love for books started when you were still a child, he pictured you reading fairytales and dreaming of one day having a library as big as the one of The Beauty and The Beast. Yes, he read that story too, the Disney version. The library where you work is full of books like that, he wishes that all of the magic that happens in those pages could happen in real life too.
The next day he thought about the melody that you always sing - you are singing it even now but he can’t hear you standing by the shore -, he remembered the first time he heard you sing it. You were in that dark room, not a light on, he had to guess the features of your face too. He still can’t understand what you were doing all alone in the dark.
The day after, his feet were hurting so bad that he had to sit on the ground while waiting for you to come back; still with those tight shoes on sending him out of his mind. He saw some shops with other types but he still couldn’t get the meaning behind those numbers hanging on the tags of both clothes and shoes, so he just let it go once more. His mind went back to you once more then, thinking about everything and nothing.
Days pass like that, him still not understanding himself and all of his thoughts and you spending hours on that boat without him understanding why. Taehyung grows closer to you every single day, how ironic that you don’t know anything about it. Every day, his heart beats a little faster at the thought of those beautiful eyes that only once met his. Every day, you become more the center of his world. You’re becoming his home, his every day and his every night. Maybe these feelings are just a consequence of spending so much time with you. You are becoming his smile. When his feet hurts so bad that he goes back to wish of having his wings, his thoughts fly towards you. And he smiles, he smiles so bright and his lips shape just like a box. The pain seems to be overshadowed as he thinks that it is all for you. You make him happy and you don’t even know it. He smiles when you laugh and gets sad when you look frustrated or low, he probably won’t ever be sure about it, but he learned to understand every swing of your humor, even from behind the glass of your window and a tree standing between.
He knows you just like a best friend, he knows you as Jimin knows him. And that is the thought that makes him fidget with his fingers every night, the one that gets him stuck in place every time. He’s starting to believe it, otherwise he wouldn’t really know what is happening. Angels don’t know such things. As is already been said, angels are born in love. In love with the world, with the galaxies, with the rain, with the things that everyone hates. They all love everything as much as it’s possible, they know love at its greatest. And that is probably why Taehyung doesn’t know how to handle it when his heart beats even faster than usually and feels even warmer or alive when it comes to you.
-
Taehyung is not at his best today. He feels as if he had twelve feet and all of them were wearing tight shoes, thousands of wings but all broken. He’s not feeling good, in all honesty. And just the fact of feeling low is enough to make him feel even lower. He’s not used to this too, and he again doesn’t know how to handle it. There’s a part of him who just wants to cry and scream, let it all out. Then, there’s the other part who keeps showing a lucid mind and tells to himself that he just has to focus on something else. Even the book in his hands is not enough to to distract him, his figure hidden behind the shelves of the library as he keeps his dark eyes on the words.
He doesn’t even know the reason why he’s feeling so low, there are so many new emotions in his chest that he’s not able to discern them all at once, not to talk about the reason behind them. Maybe it’s because a part of him misses his home. He has always thought that angels are probably the happiest when they are with their humans, but do they all go through such deep emotions and question everything about themselves? All he knew until now has been put on a table and scanned, and more than half of the things have been dropped into a bin, revealing themselves as untrue. Maybe it’s not that they’re untrue, maybe it’s just him that is wrong? The thought has been stuck in his mind for a long time now but he never let it fully expand, afraid it might take over him. Is it okay that he feels like this? Like this, when he looks at you? Like this, when he hears you sing? Like this, that he wants to desperately caress your hair and warm your hands when on the way to the pier every night you blow on them? Would all of those things be alright for him? To pull you closer?
Taehyung still has the same image in his mind: two ships in the night, one stuck and one going toward the shore. He’s not sure of which one he is anymore though. Maybe he is both. Stuck in his waves, his thoughts, stuck with his emotions, unsure of what to and where to go, just trying to survive. The other one still reaching the shore anyway. And this time he knows that that shore is not just a shore; it’s you. Because in all of this time he’s been on Earth, all of this endless days - to which you humans gave seven different names that he still hasn’t learned, always restarting from the first one - every single step he took, every breath he breathed, every view he saw, every sleep he dazed off to, they were only destined to you. Wether it was because it’s his duty to look after you or because now he’d never want to stop being in your presence, everything was for you. So now he knows. He knows that he’s fond of you and knows that you have a part of him even if you don’t know. You are that shore.
He’s just like a baby. Babies can’t express themselves, they just cry and cry and cry. Taehyung can’t express his sadness, he just wishes he could cry for the whole day today and let it all out, hoping that tomorrow he will feel better, but it’s been some days since he keeps repeating the same thing to himself. The part that makes it worse it’s not knowing what he’s feeling, his thoughts not giving him a break. It would be much more easier without them. It’s inexplicable for him what is happening inside of him, and he just keeps thinking of you when he tries to explain it.
All of his thoughts come from the fondness he feels towards you, because he doesn’t know if comparing himself and you two to ships is alright, if wanting to pull you closer is okay, if wanting to warm you up in the cold streets of Seoul is something a guardian angel should wish to do with his human. And what if the answer is no? No, it’s not alright that he wishes to caress your hair, it’s not okay that he keeps thinking about that melody, he shouldn’t meet you in his dreams every night; or at least not with the feelings he feels.
«I’m wrong»
He closes the book with a dull sound, now quickly walking towards the exit of the library. He has to take a breath of fresh air, his mind is as dusty as the shelves in the back, the ones where no one ever goes.
«Taehyung?» it’s coming from behind him.
He doesn’t recognize the voice that’s calling him so he just lets it go as he comes out of the library, now meeting the positive rays of the sun. He always loved them, but now they feel to happy even for him, he wishes he could find a place as dark as the one you were in the first day he met you.
«Taehyung? I’m Hoseok!»
The angel stops in place, fidgeting with his fingers as he turns and meets the eyes of the man. Hoseok looks as bright as the sun, as happy as the free clouds and it makes him feel even more sad. He doesn’t want to show him he’s not feeling good, he’d just end up with making Hoseok feel the same as him. And he feels even more lonely in situations like this. In Heaven he could’ve just talked to Jimin or Yoongi, but here all he can do is talk to himself. Having someone beside when he’s feeling like this makes him worry, he should be careful of not talking too much.
«Are you okay? You seem sad» Hoseok smiles at him.
«I just ended my shift, we could go and have something for lunch if you want?»
How can he tell him that he doesn’t eat? All he needs is in the Pearly Clouds dust he has in the strands of his hair; as long as it’s there he’s fine.
«No, but thank you. I- I am okay. Are you okay too?» Taehyung has the feeling that those words sound to Hoseok as weird as they sound to him, but he shakes it off.
«I’m alright. Are you sure you don’t want to eat? Did something happen?»
«No, I said I’m okay» Tae gulps, his voice just trembled and he’s afraid he’s going to cry if he doesn’t stop talking.
«Oh...» Hoseok bites his lower lip, not sure of what to do. He wants to hug him because he can see that there’s clearly something going on but he doesn’t know how Taehyung would react.
«Do you want a hug?»
That is actually the only thing that could really help him. He missed the hugs of Jimin and Yoongi for so long but he’s not sure if this is the right thing to do.
Oh, fuck it, Hoseok thinks.
Taehyung’s lips are trembling so much that he thinks he will cry as loud as a five years old kid when he’ll get the chance to, and Hoseok is certainly not an insensitive person.
He pulls him closer and wraps his arms around him, tight and warm embrace pulling the trigger of all of his emotions. It takes him a second, just the feeling of being touched by someone who’s not him and Taehyung really breaks in a million of shatters.
He sobs on Hoseok’s shoulder, tears falling uncontrollably on his cheeks and nose running. Jimin and Yoongi who are watching him cry too, and all Taehyung can think about in this moment is that maybe he too needs a guardian angel. Someone who has his back when things start to fall and break around him, just like now, someone who brings him out of his own mind.
«It’s alright, let it all out» Hoseok pats his back, an hand stroking his head as if he already did it a million times. How ironic would it be if he knew the truth about him, a so great creature being consoled by a human, someone who thinks that angels are higher than them.
Taehyung wonders if that’s really the truth too. Is Heaven really heaven? Are angels really higher than humans? Because in all these days he felt more things than he ever felt in all of his life, and he doesn’t know if he feels more like an angel or a human anymore.
His heart is certainly not the one of an angel anymore, it beats so much faster when he thinks about you. Angels’ heart don’t do that, love is love everywhere and it’s all the same, they all love everything the same.
«Do you want to talk about it?»
Taehyung is sobbing so hard after so much time of holding back that if he doesn’t stop now he will probably start crying out loud just like newborn angels, so he repeats to himself what Hoseok said.
It’s alright. It’s okay. But he cannot talk about it, he can’t open his mouth or else he’ll break just like a dam and say things that will make it all worse.
So he just closes his mouth and tastes the taste of tears, salt and gloomy. He shakes his head, biting his lower lip as Hoseok still keeps him in his hold. Taehyung doesn’t part, he likes the feeling of the touch of someone else, it’s been so long since someone hugged him or just touched him.
«Are you sure?»
He nods, still still. Hoseok does the same, and just when he’s about to let go, something makes him squeeze him even tighter.
«The night is sweet, if you don’t want to talk about it with someone at least think about it tonight. It helps me when I face my worries at night»
-
Hoseok was right, he guesses. The night seems much more comfortable than the day to cry to. It feels more natural, more free. He guesses it’s because it’s just him sitting in the darkness, no one around to worry about or to look out for, no one to be scared of than he himself.
Taehyung is letting it all out now, seated by the shore as he watches you ride your boat as routine by now. It feels even more ironic: stuck on a rock as you ride in the sea, the mermaid that keeps calling him and ends up with killing him - he read some stories about mermaid being evil creatures, but they really aren’t -. It’s not like you do it on purpose, however. He just wishes it could get better in someway.
The night is sweet and it brings realization to Taehyung. It helps him with his thoughts, it makes them more real rather than just abstract voices echoing inside his head. They become thicker and make roots in his mind, but at the end of the two hours where he does nothing but cry he knows that this is just the way it is. Changing seems too far away, and honestly he doesn’t know if he wants to. He likes the way his heart pounds in his chest tonight as he looks at your hair fly with the wind, it’s just the sadness that comes along with it the one that breaks him. But it is how it is.
-
These shoes are making him crazy. He can’t wait to get to the pier tonight, his feet are dying. He absolutely needs to take them off, he’s been dreaming about it since the very first step he took out of your garden. The streets are colder than usual today, Taehyung watches you shudder in your coat and wishes he could hug you and warm you up in his embrace, but he doesn’t focus too much on the picture; his heart is already hurting.
Today he did all he could to not fall back in his thoughts, even while being with you. He read two books, apparently one wasn’t a narrative book though; he only noticed almost at the end that it was a vocabulary, the word he read in the same book made him stop two pages away from the end, luckily it was a portable one.
At least he now knows a lot of new mundane words.
The second one, let’s just say that he watched the pictures more than reading it, too tired from the three hours of reading before. He searched for Hoseok too, not really sure of what to do if he found him. He didn’t, so he guessed he just wasn’t at work today. He spent this afternoon sleeping since last night he didn’t really close an eye, what followed to the realization of having to really live forever with this feelings and all of these thoughts without being able to do anything about it.
You spent the afternoon with Namjoon, you invited him home and had lunch together. At the beginning Taehyung tried to resist his need of sleep, but when his eyes closed more than once - at least eight times - he realized that he really needed to take a nap, or else he wouldn’t be able to follow you to the shore tonight. And to be completely honest, he kind of trusts Namjoon. He can see the way he looks at you, it’s completely clear to him: his eyes stayed on you for so much time today as you ate together that Taehyung felt like he was third wheeling, he could see the fondness for you through them and he even wondered if you could see it too. Maybe you do or maybe you don’t, maybe you’ve been with him, maybe he’s just a friend. All of these are things that Taehyung will never be sure about if you don’t make them clear to his eyes. But even that, doesn’t change a thing.
The wind whistles and your hair are already in the air, free and wild even as you try to bring them back in order. Taehyung stops behind the corner as he waits for you to get to the bridge and seat on the boat just like every night. He has grown used to it and he can’t deny that now he feels way more relaxed than before in watching you ride your boat, even though he keeps himself always ready to come and get you just to be sure.
The moment he finally seats down it’s the moment of his rebirth; his feet hurt so much that he’s holding his breath as he takes those tight shoes off and places them by his side. He should really find a way to get new ones, maybe he could ask the only person he knows here, Hoseok. Without raising suspicion, he should ask questions that someone who knows what he’s talking about could ask. He trusts Hoseok too, in someway. There’s something about him that makes him feel safe; how ironic this sentence can be. An angel that should make sure that people are safe feels safe because of a human. It kinda makes him chuckle. And god, if only you were here right now you’d fall in love with him in a second just by hearing that sound.
He brings his knees to his chest, arms hugging his legs and eyes lost in the sea around you, he likes to spend time like this. Seated by the shore, hearing the sound of the waves and watching you make your way into the water. He could spend hours like this. And he does. Two, three hours, until his eyes are threatening him to shut again and he has to get up and wish that you’ll come back soon. He still doesn’t know what you do in the sea at this time every night, it’s one of the things he still hasn’t learned, but he likes it anyway.
Even though, what comes tonight is kinda different from usual. If he knew enough about the human classification of time he’d knew that it’s past midnight and that it’s really becoming too dangerous to stay. The clouds are darker than before and he wonders when did they change so drastically. He was too focused on your figure to notice them changing their color, but he noticed that the temperature became even colder. The wind is whistling louder and the waves are more chaotic and challenging, a view that makes him bite his lips. What follows this kind of weather? Snow? Rain? To him it’s just a question mark, but he doesn’t need to know the answer to do something. He could just use a little bit of Pearly Clouds dust and fly to you, but what if there is no need and he’d just end up with revealing himself? It’s better to take a boat, if it won’t work or he’ll need to be faster he will use his wings. It’s the only way he can think of.
Taehyung walks towards the bridge, eyes fixated on you even as he seats down and wraps his hands around the oars. He doesn’t know how this is going to turn out, how can he help you when he doesn’t know how to do it himself?
He takes a deep breath. The clouds seem darkening as the seconds pass by and just a handful of instants later the first drops of water are hitting his face, cold as ice. He can see you from where he is, even though he can’t deny that now that the sky is almost pitch black it’s way more difficult to keep his sight focused. He just hopes that this will turn out in the right way. He can’t see your boat moving and he doesn’t know if he should worry about it or be grateful, maybe you already went through this before and he’s over panicking. Maybe this is really nothing? Taehyung shakes his head. He can’t risk it.
He rows, fighting against the force of the waves, the wind makes his hair fly and they get in his view. Now he has no doubt that this is dangerous, the rain is so strong and the wind so powerful that he’s afraid for his life even though he’s an eternal creature. The strength and efforts he has to put in just moving the boat is exhausting, the muscles of his arms are already hurting and it seems as if every inch he moves further the water pushes him away of three.
He can see you struggling too, you turn around to see how much distance there’s between you and the shore two or three times but you don’t really notice him. Not that it matters to him now. All he can think about is approaching you and make sure that you get by the shore safe. Why do you always have to meet in the sea, he doesn’t know. Maybe you really are two ships in the night.
Every second seem to last an eternity, Taehyung is sweating and at the same time is dripping wet for the rain, hair sticking to his forehead, bottom lip in his teeth as he desperately tries to hold on for a minute more, thing he has been repeating to himself for at least five minutes already. Getting to you is as hard as surpassing all the obstacles that keep him away from you. Every wave he manages to push through to, every oar he takes is an insecurity of his being pushed aside, backwards. Every single drop of rain are the feelings that still now make him feel frustrated and lost; still, he keeps going on. He fights against the sea, the ocean and all of his thoughts, all of its waves.
The thought of a world without you strikes through his mind as he keeps going on. It makes him gulp harshly, fists tightening around the wood and eyes fixated on your figure as you try to oar back to the shore. His chest feels empty just at the thought; feeling like yesterday - when he cried his heart out for more than two hours - for the rest of his life would be way better.
He can’t picture it. Just the thought hurts him so much that it scares him, for the first time in his entire life he has a vague feeling of what being dead would mean. He can’t picture his life without you, not anymore.
That thought appears in his mind just at the right time, when your eyes finally meet him again for the second time. Such different worlds, galaxies far away. Taehyung’s heart is pounding louder than bombs, louder than the thunders. He wonders once again when did this happen; when he suddenly woke up feeling more about something, about you. It’s like the window you left open: one day he woke up and it was already open, maybe it all happened in his sleep. When was the very first time he wished to pull you closer? To hold you? When did he picture you two as two ships in the night for the first time? He remembers that, at least.
He pouts as he thinks that his fondness for you is probably just as deep as what you would feel for a best friend, but it’s all just one sided. Your eyes finally looking into his make him question if this is real.
The answer comes pretty quickly, not even in a bunch of seconds.
A wave definitely stronger than the others engulfs his boat and pushes him to the right, some splashes of water overcoming the hull and wetting the wood and his shoes.
He only now realizes he stopped paddling and didn’t move for enough time to be transported by the water even more farther away from the shore.
As he struggles to gain back his balance and holds the oars once again he glances at you, maybe to understand the way you’re moving or maybe to check if you’re okay, maybe for both. Your eyes are still stuck on his face, and when he notices it his cheeks blush and make him look even more angelic than he already is. He doesn’t think too much about the fact that he’s scared and just wishes to go back to the shore, where his feet can touch the firm ground. The noise made by the thunders and the chaotic waves doesn’t stop, so loud that he can feel every sound echoing in his chest. It makes him even more frustrated. He has to help you and doesn’t know how to do it, you’re the one who’s moving. Slowly, but still moving. It’s hard and it takes so much energy and effort, but you’re moving.
The waves push you from a direction to another, but you don’t lose your strength and focus on every movement. Your arms are hurting, muscles screaming for you to stop, your feet are stuck on the wood as if they were glued to it, body completely wet from the rain, drops of water dripping down on your forehead. You’ll probably have to call a day off from work tomorrow, just staying in bed covered from your toes to the top of your ears. If you’ll manage to stay alive and come back home tonight, at least. You should have been more careful and should’ve just come back when the clouds were starting to get darker, the weather was already different from usual when you were coming to the pier.
You keep on paddling, meeting the eyes of the man in the other boat from time to time and wishing that all of this could end up soon. Come back home safely it’s the only thing you want to do, get out of this mess. You cannot really discern his features in all of this and the dark, but he looks familiar; all that you know for sure is that his eyes look as scared as yours do for him. And all you can do is try to help him.
The struggle of having to paddle towards him as the tide moves you both makes you wish you could simply have wings and fly away. Something that Taehyung has but completely forgot about now that he finds himself in this situation. He’s so scared that his brain totally forgot about his first plan, and all he can do is try to move those oars to get to you. It takes you both at least four minutes to finally be “close”. Taehyung can’t stop himself from reaching his hand out towards you as if you were close enough to grab and hold in his safe embrace, you take the gesture as a counting of distance. Maybe he’s trying to guess how much water separates you.
He watches your lips move, screaming something that he clearly can’t understand and waiting just a few seconds for him to answer, but Taehyung doesn’t know what to do. This should not be happening, it’s all he can think about.
His eyes keep staring into yours and you can see the panic and the fear even in the dark of the night, sometimes a lightening lights up the sky and casts shadows over his face, but the situation is too chaotic to study his features. You pray your angels that the weather will become better soon, because in this way, to reach the shore seems surreal.
You only manage to ride towards his boat, struggling with the waves and the rain that keeps on hitting your face and makes your hair stick to your skin. It’s just a second then, your boat finally sides his and your body reaches out as fast as you can towards him, hand wrapping around his wrist. Taehyung widens his eyes, his lips falling open and his breath stuck as he realizes that he can feel your touch. Its not the right moment to think about something like this but he can’t wrap his head around it, your skin on his, cold and wet from the rain.
«Get on!» you scream over the noise, pulling him towards your boat to make him understand. Taehyung closes his eyes, he’s eternal, he repeats to himself. Trying not to loose his balance is the hardest thing as he slowly gets up from his seat and waits for the right moment to raise his leg and get in your boat. The sea beside him looks so tormented tonight that he wonders if it’s the same sea that welcomed his tormented thoughts with such a peaceful demeanor for the past nights. He misses the Pearly Waters, always so calm and bearer of fun. When he finally does it, he resists from looking down once more, helping himself by placing his hand on the gunwale of your boat and keeping his mind as empty as possible. It’s what comes next that worries him even more.
-
Reaching the shore was easier than you both expected. As if it was all a joke made for you to meet, the weather started getting better after a few minutes Taehyung got on your boat, leaving you both bewildered and speechless. What was scaring him even more wasn’t the possibility of the sea getting worse and having to reach the shore though - even thought that was really scary too - ; it was exactly this. Having to deal with his actions. What is he supposed to do now? How can he look after you, after you saw him from so close? He’s pretty sure that after this experience you won’t forget his face easily - even though that thought doesn’t exactly makes him feel bad, not at all, if he has to be completely honest -.
Touching the ground feels like a dream. The earth never felt so safe under his feet and he almost forgets his love for his wings as he breathes out heavily. Your face is definitely paler than usual, clothes dripping wet as the rain keeps getting down, more gentle and silent than it was before. Your hair stick to your face and you fight to bring them behind your ears, eyes roaming the street looking for anything that could distract you.
Taehyung feels useless for a moment, realizing only now that he wasn’t the one who saved you but in fact you did all the job. The panic took over him and all he could do was try and try but nothing really went according to his plans. He just hopes that from now on his interactions with the ocean will be less, that or he will have to start paddling.
You hold your stomach with your hands, face contracted in a grimace as you slowly walk towards a bench, little unsure steps as if you’re about to faint. Taehyung holds his breath behind you and follows you silently, watching you as you make it to the seat and look down on the ground, elbows on your knees and hair falling on one side. It’s just a second and you’re throwing out all of your dinner, stomach hurting and a strong nausea invading every part of you. Taehyung shoots forward, his hands immediately reaching out for your hair and bringing them up on your head in a messy ponytail, eyes never leaving your face to check on you even as you let out everything you ate. He waits for you to finish, and even then he doesn’t let go of your hair, eyes still on you. His gaze his warm on you even though you’re cold from the rain.
«I’m sorry» he says. His voice is deeper than you expected, deep and warm, and if you weren’t in this kind of situation you would probably take some time to look at his ethereal features and take in the sound of his voice. The contrast so big, but both definitely perfect for each other. You shake your head.
«I should be the one apologizing. I almost threw up on your shoes»
He shuts his eyes for just a second; even if you did so he wouldn’t feel worse than he already feels, those shoes are the only thing he has grew to not like in his life. It comes after that thought, the fact that you’re talking to him. He realizes it only now, and Lord, he already wishes you could do it endlessly. He likes it when you look at him, when your words are directed to him.
«I don’t like them anyway» he shudders. A little smile grows on your face and Taehyung feels even more bewildered than he already is, his heart pounding in his chest at the sight. The display of a bit of happiness on your face because of him.
«Were you already in the water? I didn’t see you when I got in»
«I went in to help» he lets out, cheeks now becoming reddish as you raise your brows.
«You got in to help me?»
You’re stuttered, and your face perfectly shows it.
He nods, now looking at the ground and realizing he’s still holding your hair. He gently lets them down on your back, his eyes are still into yours even as his cheeks burn, and you don’t know why but something inside you burns too. Maybe it’s because no one ever looked at you like this. It’s different, you can’t explain what is exactly, but it’s different. He speaks with his eyes, but it’s a language you can’t understand yet. However, you can understand how beautiful he is just now, under the lights of the street. Before you didn’t really have the chance, but now the view makes you hold your breath. Art itself is standing right in front of you, dark locks sticking to his yellowish skin, beautiful asymmetrical eyes are taking over every single part of you, deep and dark as the night sky, long lashes and pink lips stretched out in a little smile that makes him look so innocent and naive.
«You could’ve died» you murmur. Taehyung takes in a deep breath as he thinks. Would he have done the same thing if he wasn’t an eternal creature? The thought of losing you hurts more than the thought of the pain that death itself could bring. Maybe losing you it’s the real death for him.
«You could have died too,» he raises his eyebrows «didn’t you notice the sky becoming darker?»
«I did» you keep your eyes in his. A moment of silence follows, as if you were both trying to communicate and understand each other only with your eyes.
«I had to finish something»
The sentence travels in the air with the wind and it fades away in the sky. Taehyung wonders what you’re talking about but never asks you, not sure if that would be the right thing to do.
«Please be more careful» he just lets out. His eyes now seem even deeper than before, swallowing you in as a dry plant does with water.
«I will» you nod.
«Thank you»
Those words leave him a little empty. He didn’t save you just like he planned to, you were the one who saved both. Would it be the same if he didn’t ride that boat? Did he just blow his cover? Was it really that difficult to paddle and bring you to the shore safely?
«I didn’t save you» the feeling is both bitter and sour.
«You choose me over you» you smile. Your words stain the air, just like a coffee spilled all over the space between you two, splashes of paint, and Taehyung doesn’t really know what to do with it, with them. They smell both sweet and sour, they are both, just like coffee.
«Thank you»
He just smiles. A smile that shakes your insides for a second or two and leaves you breathless, staring deep into his blackish eyes.
«Do you have a name I can call you with?»
And he freezes. All the world stops for a second, everything gets stuck in place. Taehyung feels both worried and excited and the mixed emotions make it harder to think. His heart pounds, being this important makes his head empty, being enough worthy of a name. Angels are usually unobserved, lonely, just caring for their human without them knowing. They dedicate the entirety of their life to someone who’ll never recognize them. Unfamiliar feelings are exploding for the first time ever in his chest, feelings he will never get used to. He can’t discern them.
«My name?» he asks, bewildered. When you nod and smile at him it’s as if the dark sky suddenly became limpid. His brain tries to stop him before he might do something that later he will regret, but his mouth opens faster.
«I’m Taehyung» he never felt so free only by saying his name, never thought that someday he could feel like this just by saying it. He tries to grasp the reason why but still, he can’t.
«Taehyung, thank you for what you did» you smile at him. The rain sort of creates an halo around you, sparkling drops lighted up by the lamps behind you falling to the ground and hitting your face as you keep your eyes in his.
«We’re going to catch a cold» you murmur.
Taehyung narrows his eyes, confused by your words and the meaning behind them. How can you catch the cold? It’s not like it’s a fly or a bird flying in the air. What does it mean? He’s tempted to ask you but he keeps his thoughts to himself. He doesn’t want to scare you off.
«Is your house near?»
The question caughts him off guard again and he ends up both nodding and then shaking his head. Your house isn’t his for you.
«Ehm, no» he scoffs, now raising an hand to scratch the back of his head. What’s left now is only silent as you fix your gaze on the ground and mull your words over.
«You could come and take a shower at my place? It’s the least I could do for what you did» your words aren’t certain at all and neither your tone is, but there’s something inside you that’s pushing you to do it. He seems a good person; you’re sure he actually is. His gaze sends you positivity, not because he’s smiling or cause he looks hopeful, but because he makes you feel oddly safe. You only met him now - and maybe you saw him another time too, you remember his face - but it’s safe to say that he makes you feel at ease.
Taehyung doesn’t know what to say or think. Would it be alright if he said yes? He wants to say it so bad. What would happen if he says no? He certainly can’t sneak up in your garden anymore now that you know him and his name. Where will he go at night? How can he look after you now? All of these thoughts lead him to think that he didn’t think his moves properly before coming to rescue you in the water. But he just had to do it.
Your eyes become bigger and bigger the more the time passes and all he can do is widen his too, searching for the right answer but without finding one.
«Yes,» he burst out, as if he was holding his breath all along «if you don’t mind»
«I don’t»
-
Taehyung feels as if he’s entering a new galaxy the moment you open the door of your apartment. He never saw it like this, this close, other than that time you left your window open. But right now it feels different. You are welcoming him in, he has your permission, he knows he can be here, with you.
Your house reflects you in many things, Taehyung smells your perfume in the air, he sees the messy kitchen that you try to hide by standing in front of the door.
He almost forgets you’re both dripping wet from the rain, his shoes so tight and squeaky make him hold his breath at every step. His steps are unsure, short and wobbly as he tries to hold back the pain of his feet, water squeaking and coming out at every step.
He follows you to your bedroom, the room he usually stares at from behind the tree in your garden, it feels different now. Even if he sees it everyday, even if he’s been here already. He glances at the garden, a look at his place. The view is so different from here, he forgot to take a look there the very first and last time he’s been here. If you’d only look more carefully he’s sure you’d be albe see him. His heart breaks a little at the thought. Is he wishing for you to look at him? He’s been looking at you with such fondness, and until now he only focused on that, on his side, but a simple, basic thought makes him realize that he’s been wishing for you to look at him as well. With fondness or without, it doesn’t matter. He just feels good, right, when you look at him.
-
The weather is good today. Taehyung takes a breath of relief the moment he opens his eyes and realizes it. He slept behind your tree again tonight, but he waited for you to fall deeply asleep and woke up early. His eyelids are heavy, but he cant risk being seen, so he does what he has to. He gets up and takes a look at you, still covered by the sheets and sleeping tight. He can see the small movements of your chest getting up and down from here, a big smile already taking over his expression. He hides more behind the tree, now waiting for you to get up. He doesn’t have sense of time since in Heaven there’s no such concept, but somehow he got used to your routine to the point of waking up almost everyday a few minutes before you. He thinks about yesterday, how the rain had stopped when he came out of your apartment and had to lie about having a home where to go, a home that wasn’t yours, you by now. He’s been missing your gaze on him from the moment you closed the door of your apartment. Thinking that he shouldn’t see you anymore hurts him more and more every minute that goes by. It makes him forget of his still moist clothes. After he took a shower yesterday at your apartment he wore them back but he has never wished more to just be able to be naked like he’s used to. Lucky him, angels can’t catch a cold.
You’re moving in the bed, now finally sitting up and taking a look around you. Your eyes are still sleepy and your hair is disheveled, but to Taehyung they remind him of his clouds, the ones he always misses. He watches you get into the bathroom and then come back in your room, he’s totally used to your routine by now. He makes sure not to look when you change into your clothes for the day and then watches you as you quickly clean up your bedroom. The moment you close the door behind you he’s already standing up to follow you out. He waits for you to come out of your house still hiding behind the tree, and a minute later, you’re both on your way to work.
Taehyung is extraordinary careful today, making sure you can’t even think of seeing him. That thoughtfulness hurts him at every step he takes, half of him wishing you’d just turn around and greet him, he tells himself to do so, but he’s stuck in between and to make a decision like this seems to be the hardest thing he’s ever done.
For a moment or two he’s afraid that you can hear him walking a few steps behind you; his shoes still have water inside even though he tried to let them dry tonight, they still squeak when he walks. His steps get more careful when you approach the library, silently walking behind you.
The morning goes on slowly and quietly for Taehyung, hiding behind the shelves and reading books that draw all his attention away, words and words flying in his mind; some reminding him of how much he misses his friends, some remind him of you. The library gets more busy as the morning goes on and Taehyung finds himself just a little more relaxed, sitting on one of the sofas at the corner, head buried in the book and hidden from anything else.
He doesn’t even hear the sound of footsteps approaching, stopping just next to the last shelve.
Your eyes lay on his dark, fluffy hair. They look so soft. How the light hits his skin and almost seems to make it glow, the yellowish tone contrasting the pink of his lips, contracted in a pout as he’s immersed in the book.
He looks relaxed, not as if last night he had tried to save your life and almost lost his. You wish he could lift his gaze up, just for a second. Yesterday night, you wished to know more of him. Wether it was because he tried to save you or for something else, his presence gave you a feeling that got you longing for more. Comfort.
«Taehyung»
His head shoots up. Eyes now glued on you, his throat runs dry as he understands what is happening, lips parted.
«You haven’t changed your shoes» you notice. They’re still moist and creak from time to time when he walks, but you still haven’t heard that.
Taehyung gulps.
«They’re the only pair I’ve got» it’s the only answer he manages to let out. His voice shocks you again, deeper than you remembered it almost feels as if it’s again the first time you listen to it.
His answer shuts you up. You should’ve been more sensitive, you don’t know his situation. Your eyes stay in his, both staring at each other; Taehyung feels his heart pound again.
«I’m sorry» you let out, now approaching the sofa. His lips contract in a pout and he furrows his eyebrows, not able to understand what you’re apologizing for.
«For saying that, I’m sorry»
«Oh, don’t, don’t!» he shakes his head, «You didn’t say anything wrong, it’s just that I have only these shoes»
When you sit beside him Taehyung’s hands work faster than his brain, shutting the book close and squeezing it in his hands. Your eyes travel on them, long, incredibly beautiful fingers placed on the cover.
«Is it the first time you come here?» you ask. Taehyung is not trained to lie, and all he can do is shake his head again.
«No» he smiles. The light that he casts out of a simple smile is incredible, it lights up your mood and makes you smile too. He seems to notice, and all he can do is add words to keep that smile on your face.
«I come here very often» he involuntarily reveals. The conscious part of him wants to both congratulate him for piquing your interest and scold him at the same time.
«You do?»
You wonder why you never noticed him. Taehyung stays silent for a second, but the next one he nods.
«I’ve never noticed you»
That sentence has kind of a double effect on Teahyung. He suddenly feels gloomy realizing that for you he should’ve stayed like that, invisible. Then, he feels wrong again, cause now you certainly can see him, and it’s not supposed to happen. But what can he do when he feels so good under your gaze? Your eyes are in his, shining so bright that he feels lucky to be able to witness it. That is the last - third effect - of your sentence; you notice him now. You’re looking at him.
«Now you do» he lets out, a tone that you can’t quite read into.
«What kind of books do you like? I could help you pick one» you offer. His hands work faster than his brain, already placing the one he is holding next to him on the sofa.
«Every kind, I think. There are different kinds of books?» it’s stronger than him, his naivety comes out again and he just can’t hold it back. He carefully tries to understand what’s going on in your mind as you turn to face him, eyebrows raised and the hint of a smile on your face. You wait for him to add something that can help you understand more the meaning of his sentence but nothing comes out of his mouth. Taehyung just stares at you with the most innocent eyes you’ve ever seen and it makes you question if he really doesn’t know what you mean. His brain finally comes out with something and he fixes his eyes on the ground.
«I’d like one with pictures. Art, paintings. Can you help me with that?»
-
Taehyung is a breath of fresh air. The cutest boxy smile hidden behind dark chocolate locks, deep sparkly eyes covered with a layer of the cutest naivety. He made your morning different, happy. Maybe it’s because he makes you feel totally at ease or maybe because you think he’s probably the most beautiful human that ever walked on Earth, but it’s like this. You enjoyed your time with him, work today was slow anyway. You ordered the shelves, him following you as you kept your conversation going, it flew like the water of a river. You talked about your job, your hobbies, told him about your love for music. Taehyung’s eyes were sparkling even more than usual as he heard you speak, but you didn’t notice.
Useless to say, Taehyung feels as if he’s been dreaming all along. It’s shameless how he loves your company so much, your presence, your eyes on him. He could listen to you talking for hours and never get tired. That’s why when he remembers himself that your shift will end soon and you’ll go home, his mood hits the floor and a gloomy layer of sadness covers his face.
«Is everything okay?» your voice echoes in his ears. His smile comes back in a second as he nods.
«It is» he says. You watch him silently as he caresses the spines of the books in the shelves, long fingers dancing over the titles written on the covers. You don’t know him, but during these hours his eyes were bright and his smile big. The fact that your shift will end up soon makes you huff, you never wished more it could last longer.
Taehyung sits at the table, in his hands is still resting the book you got for him, he didn’t even read a page.
«Do you have anything to do at lunch?»
His head shoots up, already shaking on its own.
«We could have lunch together» you suggest.
-
Taehyung is a special person. The kind of person that makes you smile because of his attitude, the way he speaks or decides to show himself to the world. Taehyung is transparent, you can read his mind by looking into his eyes -or at least his heart-. Taehyung is different, not in a cliche way, but the type of way that makes you wonder where have you been all the time that you didn’t know him. He walks in the rain and smiles at the puddles, always wears the same clothes but you don’t mind it all - it’s not like he smells bad, maybe he just has thousands of the same shirts and trousers -, he loves the smell of books and loves music too. You think he couldn’t hate something even if he tried to, with that big boxy smile of his, his soft deep laughter and his dark sparkly eyes.
From a lunch it all picked up speed. It’s been a month and a half, and you still manage to steal glances at his direction when he doesn’t look. Sometimes it’s hard to understand him, he would stay silent for a little and just stare at the void, brain caught up in who knows what and an odd layer of gloominess falling on his face - something that always makes you want to ask him what’s going on, but you know he’d never answer -. Sometimes he would surprise you, his actions would reflect the same as a child - again, not in the wrong way -, his naivety would come through in some of his answers - just once you were talking to him about the price of a purse and he asked you if the price is that thing you find on the tags in shops -.
Every time you see him you make sure to save in your mind the way his cheeks raise up and get puffy when he laughs, the way he pouts as he chews or keeps the strands of hair that fall down his forehead in place by pushing them upwards with the back of his hand. Taehyung is a breath of fresh air that you’ve grown used to and wouldn’t change for anything else.
«Are you staying tonight?» you ask as you bring a handful of popcorns to your mouth. Taehyung licks his lower lip and gulps, wondering about the right answer. All he wants to say is yes, but again - just like a month and a half ago - that little voice inside of him tells him that it would be just another step towards being more wrong. Still, that voice is nothing compared to his heart pounding when he once more lays his eyes on you, smiling as you watch the tv. During all this time you got to know each other a lot, spending most of the days together, it just felt normal. You liked each other’s presence, the conversation flew as fluid as a river and not to mention you really grew fond to each other. Taehyung’s feelings grew even more, to the point that it’s impossible now for him to even give credit to that voice inside his head that keeps telling him to keep his distance from you, it’s always there, but he manages to brush it away just like he does now. The thought will eventually come back once he’ll be on his own, like every night. That is what makes him nod, still a little uncertain. He never slept in a house before, he wonders how it will be not to feel the wind whistle and the moisture in the air on your skin at night.
«Do I have to change like you do?» he wonders. You narrow your eyes, a smile creating on your face at one of his naive questions. Some of them - like this one - makes you question if he’s being real or only joking around, but the moment you meet his serious eyes and raised eyebrows waiting for an answer you know he’s really asking because he wants an answer. Sometimes you don’t understand him, but those times make you love him even more.
«Of course, don’t you change when you go to bed?»
Taehyung gulps and seems to realize that he again asked something that is obvious on Earth. He still makes mistakes even after all the time he spent here.
«Oh- yes» he lets out. The look that follows on your face makes him hold his breath, deep in thoughts your eyes lay on his lips and then on the mole on his nose, then on his hair without even realizing it. Taehyung’s cheeks are reddish when you speak.
«Can I ask you one thing?»
He nods, cheeks still burning and palms sweating; only now you seem to realize.
«Are you alright? What’s happening?»
«Hm?»
«You look nervous» you murmur, hand reaching his hair to softly stroke them. The very first time you did so, that night he fell asleep with a big smile on his face.
«It was- Nothing, I’m alright» his throat is dry. He shuts up fearful of saying something he shouldn’t, but then he looks at your eyes again and he feels hopeless, completely.
«Your eyes are so beautiful» his voice is low in the silence, and the words resonate in your chest making your heart beat faster than normal. You bite your lip, eyes fixated in his. So transparent, so bright and shamelessly attractive, they talk about him but you still can’t read them clearly, even though the words are there; that’s why you say transparent, as if his story was written with a different alphabet, you can see it but can’t grab the meaning.
«You are beautiful» you whisper. Taehyung blushes even more and you smile so much that your cheeks hurt. The moment is ruined by a loud thud coming from the tv, both turning your heads to realize that the film you were watching started again. The silence fills the room for a little, not a single fly can be heard as you ponder and ponder about the right words to use. It takes you all your courage to turn your head and look at him again, hoping not to offend him with your curiosity.
«Why do you always wear the same clothes? I don’t mean to offend you or-»
«Is it really important?» Taehyung’s voice is suddenly cold, it cuts you off and you end up staring at him with a blank face. You never heard his voice in this shade - which you have to say, it’s not really cold... just more forthright than usual -, his deep breathtaking eyes staring into yours with a sentiment you can’t quite understand, as if he was fighting with himself a war that he’s not sure he will win. He bites his lips, already feeling the guilt invading his stomach and chest for how he talked to you.
«I guess not... Not really» you murmur, eyes now fixating on your lap «I’m sorry»
«I- I’m sorry, really» his voice is trembling, not really used to this kind of situation. He wonders if any angels did ever experience this, even the feeling of guilt. His body is acting as if he totally rejects it, or maybe it’s just his pure heart.
«Can I hug you?»
This is what you like the most about Taehyung. The naivety of a baby, the most sensible heart. Someone else would be insecure of asking something like this - which really shouldn’t be a problem at all - or hold back, or even avoid the question and just do it; but not him. He asks like kids do, and he asks with the same eyes, as if he’s really praying you for it. He makes things simple, which is something you definitely need.
«You can, TaeTae» you chuckle, shaking your head and already opening your arms to welcome him in. The action that follows startles you but you don’t mind it all; he doesn’t move to come nearer, he just throws himself in your arms and buries his head in your neck, nose brushing against your skin and hair tickling your neck. He makes you want to smile, he makes you smile. You feel so at ease that you don’t mind his body on yours, so tight and warm as he keeps stroking his nose into the crook of your neck, and Taehyung for a moment doesn’t even realize that what he’s doing it’s really intimate for humans, he has just followed his instinct for a second. Then, once he falls in love with the warm and comfortable feeling of your body under his, he notices he hasn’t hugged anyone besides Hoseok since he came here months and months ago, and it feels even greater when he smells your perfume. Again, only now he realizes that you could be feeling uncomfortable, so he tries to back off and sit up, but your arms wrap around his trunk and block him.
«I’m sorry, I-»
«It’s okay, I like it» you smile. You close your eyes, Taehyung lets out a breath of relief and you even get more comfortable on the sofa, laying down in slow movements afraid that he would come back to his place. What started as a hug ends up in cuddles, but you don’t really think of that as that. His body is for half on top of yours and for half on his side, laying on the sofa and hugging you tight, face hidden in the crook of your neck where you can feel his hot breath, his hair and nose tickling your skin. Taehyung never felt better than now in all his life.
«We should hug more, hug me more often please»
His soft laughter gives sense to your long day and makes all of your senses at ease; that is the last melody you hear before closing your eyes to welcome the sound of silence and sweet breaths, yours and Taehyung’s one.
-
The silence that feels the room is almost too loud, even though there isn’t such big difference with the one that filled the living room just a few minutes ago, it almost emphasizes the sound of loneliness. The background noise played by the tv as you and Taehyung lowly talked before is now long forgotten as you stare at the ceiling, the sound of the rain slowly beginning its fall has taken its place. You love nights like this, being safe in your bed, wrapped in the sheets as the drops race over the glass of your window. You let your eyes shut, eyelids too heavy to even think of not surrender to the tiredness.
Taehyung’s feet softly place on the ground, one at a time trying to make as less noise as possible, the amount of carefulness in his actions makes him feel nervous. He never had to worry about it before neither here or in Heaven; until now he only slept with him and himself only, and the sound you could make by walking on a cloud is equivalent to a feet tapping on the ground at a concert.
The dark of the night is the only thing that hides his reddish cheeks as he slowly sits on the other side of the bed, he can feel them burn but can’t understand why. It’s not the action or the thought of sleeping beside you, its more because of his pounding heart. When it’s night and the sky is pitch black he’s usually more himself, everything left is his thoughts, insecurities, fantasies. Himself and himself only. What keeps him out of his mind is you, usually. He would take a look at your window - careful not to be seen - and admire the shadow that your eyelashes cast on your cheekbones.
Taehyung smiles, teeth biting his lower lip as he lays down beside you and takes a breath in.
«What are you doing?» your voice stutters him, immediately sitting up as he turns to look at you.
«Hm?» he raises his eyebrows and if you didn’t know him and the way his face changes when he can’t understand something you’d probably think he’s just trying to avoid your question. But you know him, or at least you’re beginning to do so and are quite familiar with this side of him. Even though sometimes you can’t understand it.
«Why are you here?»
It takes him a few seconds; at first he furrows his brows, eyes narrowing and lips pouting, resuming the expression - the cutest you’ve ever seen - that he usually makes when he can’t understand one of the things you said but is trying to process it anyway. Then, his eyes get wider and his brows raise, lips opening in a “O” and dark pupils fix on you.
«Don’t I sleep here?»
You still can’t explain to yourself how does he always manage to look this cute, this naive. The tone he speaks with, the way he looks at you as if the answer wasn’t already obvious.
«I thought you were going to sleep on the sofa, usually-»
«The sofa?» he cuts you off, pouting once more just like a naive child. Your eyes stay on his lips for a little, pinkish and fleshy.
«I’m sorry» Taehyung gulps, not able to say anything else. You can see it, read it on his face the way his mood changed. As transparent as the face of a child, he’s not good with hiding his disappointment even though he tries. Your heart whispers something to you that you can’t quite grasp as you look at his face, but then he gets up and smiles at you to say goodbye and you suddenly stretch out, hand in the air searching for whatever part of him to grasp.
«Stay»
It’s quiet for a few seconds, Taehyung not sure of your words and you staring at him, both of your hearts beating faster than usual. You guess that nothing could be better than make more room for him if he has to sleep with you so you slide on the mattress and turn again, patting on the sheets beside you.
«Come here»
His eyes light up and a second later he’s already sitting back on the mattress, eyes placing on you.
«Are you sure?»
«I am» you smile at him.
Taehyung lets out a heavy breath, as if he’s been holding it for so long, and finally lays down. His presence beside you is strong but it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable: it’s impossible not to notice the scent of your shampoo on him, sweet but blending perfectly with him. You feel him moving, laying on one side and watching your back, strands of hair covering his dark eyes and displaying all over the pillow; only now that he sees you this close he realizes: he’s on the other side of the glass. He’s beside you, under the warm covers and on the softest bed he’s ever been on - the only one -. He felt asleep while watching you sleep so many nights that he lost the count, and now he hears your soft huffs as you slowly drift in unconsciousness. He smiles, finally closing his eyes. He tries to fall asleep, slowing his breath, looking outside of the window at the dark sky, but nothing works. This situation is so new that the only thing he can do is keep his eyes open and think about everything that comes to his mind; from how the warmness of the sheets makes him feel at ease - beds should be allowed in Heaven too -, to how he will hold onto this moment once he’ll sleep again behind your tree.
«Y/N?»
He hopes you’re still awake, he doesn’t want to wake you up. The answer doesn’t come for a few seconds, so he gulps and tells to himself to just sleep.
«What?»
Taehyung waits a little to answer, wondering if this is the right thing to do, but the sound of silence is too much to handle right now and maybe this might be the only thing that could make him fall asleep.
«Can you sing for me?»
Even though you’re sleepy, your heart skips a beat. The way he asked you is so cute that you almost turn around overran by the wish of kissing all over his face. The thought stops your breath for a moment, realizing maybe for the first time what you’re really feeling.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo» it’s insecure and low, but it’s there. The same melody he heard you sing from far away every day, the same one that brought him so much questions, the one that he often signs to himself and bring him to calmness.
Taehyung smiles, big and boxy, eyes sparkling in the night. He wishes you could turn just to look into your eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just follows his natural instinct, the one that not all humans have: showing affection without feeling uneasy, something that reminds you of his naivety even more, but not now. Now that his arm is wrapped around you and his breath is on your neck, nose once again tickling at your skin and strands of hair mixing with yours, all you can do is open your mouth and try to calm down your unstoppable heartbeat.
Still, Taehyung makes you feel at ease, as if any reaction would be okay, as if his actions don’t necessarily claim a particular reaction, or one at all. He just felt the need to hug you, he doesn’t expect you to do it back, he just wishes he didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo»
That is the answer he needed. You still in his arms, now filling the silence again with your soft voice. The night seems sweeter now and he closes his eyes as he listens to you humming a melody that doesn’t have any words. It leads him in a different world, one where the sky is pitch black too and there is water, an ocean and you two are each one on your boat; just like you two met.
«Do you play any instruments?» his voice makes you shiver, so close and so low that you ask to yourself how did you manage to get used to it at all in the first place, so beautiful. Taehyung notices and places his eyes to the back of your head, hoping you’d turn.
«Are you cold?»
Your heart skips a beat. Taehyung is a naive creature, there is no ulterior motive in his actions that the action itself, he’s really not even thinking about flirting with you - he doesn’t even know the meaning of the word flirt -, and somehow you know he’s not really trying to but you can’t help it.
His arms wrap more around you and squeeze you tighter, his head places on the crook of your neck, not realizing that it’s really an intimate position. The fact that you’re in a bed together makes it all even more meaningful and your thoughts fly for the first time to a world where you and Taehyung are like this everyday; comfortable, intimate, friends, lovers. You can feel his nose brushing on your skin, his hair tickling you, his hot breath on your neck and all of these things make you freeze in place just to feel your insides melt.
«I’m good» you shake your head. Taehyung hums in your ear and let’s out a deep breath that hits your skin right after, hot and chilly at the same time.
«I’d like to learn how to play saxophone» you murmur, unconsciously wrapping your arms around your shoulders. The angel raises his eyebrows, now understanding the reason why behind the instrument he saw you buy months ago.
«You could write a song with it»
The time you’re spending together tonight brings you closer than you can ever imagine, apparently whispering in the silence when the sky is dark and the city is asleep make you both find strength and safety in the other, trust.
Taehyung finds inspiration in you, he sees the light of the sun and the flames of the fire. Since the moment he was born, he was happy with the thought of having to keep someone safe, it was all that he could dream about because it was what used to make him happy. Now, he doesn’t want to only keep you safe because it’s his duty. He wants to keep you safe because he’s falling in love with you, and he only realizes it now that you’re sharing a bed and he’s finally watching you under the light of the moon like he always dreamt. He wants to keep you safe because he’s falling in love with you, he repeats to himself.
-
The next morning has Taehyung dumbfounded. By now, it’s part of his routine to wake up before you, but never once he thought he could have the pleasure to witness something like this. Your hair all over the pillow, eyes shut and soft lips relaxed, skin kissed by the rays of the sun, body covered by the sheets. It’s ethereal the picture he has in front of him, and it makes him wish that he could wake up with you like this every day. The realization he had last night comes back to his mind once more, and now that it’s morning it looks even clearer, because you’re in front of him under the bright light and not just a soft shadow. You’re the definition of his feelings, Taehyung never knew this type of love, in all his life he felt all kinds, but not this one. And now that it’s burning in his chest he knows that he’ll always associate this feeling, this emotions to you. You are the feelings in his chest.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo» he sings, softly and slowly getting closer to your face. If only you could see the look in his eyes, only a fool wouldn’t understand what he’s feeling only by placing his eyes on you.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo» he sings again. Humming your melody in front of you hits him in a different way, he never did it until now, because he wasn’t supposed to know. It makes him realise how much you opened to him, and his chest warms up even more as he brings a strand of hair behind your ear.
His soft touch is what wakes you up, sleepy eyes slowly opening under the rays of the sun, they make you close them again. You can see the light even with your eyelids down until a shadow covers you and you instantly open them back.
Taehyung is there in front of you, looking as beautiful as ever and with a soft smile on his lips that you cannot quite explain, sparkly eyes and messy dark hair.
«Good morning» his smile gets bigger, showing his teeth. Boxy and happy.
«Good morning,» you answer back «did you sleep good?»
Taehyung nods in silence and lays back beside you, staring at the ceiling before he looks at you. His stare makes you turn but the light of the sun it’s so bright today that you end up closing your eyes again.
«It’s too bright» you whine covering your eyes with your arms. Taehyung smiles watching this childish side of yours, and the childish angel inside him doesn’t miss the chance to come out. His fists the edge of the sheets to raise them onto your face and a second later he’s joining you under the darkness, chuckling as you bring your arms down and meet the new sight.
His smile is so bright that you can’t help but feel energized by it, sparkling eyes even in the shadow and fleshy lips stretched out.
«Is it okay now?» it’s like the question of a child to his mother, as if she had just said that her favorite dress is too long and he’d trim it with scissors seconds later, just to make her happy. It’s naive, cute and it makes you feel so cared for for a moment that you smile as big as ever and nod quickly, never as sure as now about something.
«It is»
-
«Are they tight?» your voice goes straight to his ears even though his attention is somewhere else. Taehyung looks away from the glass and instead places his gaze on you.
«What?» he asks. At this point, you can’t do other than look at his shoes. They are classic, beautiful, but from the way he walks they don’t seem too comfortable. They’re always the same just like his clothes, but you only noticed his uncomfortableness today. You’ve been walking for a bit by now, maybe he wants to sit.
«The shoes. Do you want to sit?» you ask. Taehyung shakes his head and takes another step, but the look on his face wins him. His feet are hurting, a lot. If only he’d be brave enough to enter a shop and ask what do those numbers on the targets in the glasses mean, maybe he’d find an answer to the question “how can I get a new pair of shoes?” that has been running through his mind for all of these months. He lets out a heavy breath as he turns his head again.
«Yes, please» he murmurs, cheeks reddish and gaze on the ground. Suddenly, he feels heavy inside, an unfamiliar feeling to him that makes his eyes water within a second. You watch his lips tremble as he lowers his head, now biting them. Your heart stops at the sight, immediately reaching your hand out to grab his, now bringing him to the closest bench.
Taehyung follows you silently, trying as hard as he can to fight the tears that are suddenly threatening to come out, but it’s useless; he doesn’t have control over this kind of feeling that he doesn’t know, all he can do is let it out. It hurts your chest to see him like this, something inside of you breaks and all you can do is gulp as you sit next to him, raising your hand to wipe his tears away.
«You can talk to me,» you whisper «I promise you I don’t judge. If you want you can just talk and I won’t even answer you, or-»
«They are tight» Taehyung cuts you off, concreting all of the feelings in his chest as if it was all because of a pair of shoes. It almost makes you want to giggle for the cuteness of his voice, the way he says it, halting his crying by saying words like that with the pout of a child and rubbing his wet eyes with his hand, the other one still in yours.
«Do you want mine?» you smile at him, getting closer on the bench and wiping another tear on his face. His skin is soft and his eyes look as dark as ever now, but sadness overlays them. Something inside you makes you want to wipe that away too.
Taehyung shakes his head, fidgeting with his fingers as he looks at the ground. You place your head on his shoulder, searching for the right words to say.
«TaeTae, do you have other shoes?» that is the only question you manage to let out, hoping that he won’t feel offended. What follows is silence; the birds singing and the background noise made by the cars, the people passing by are what keeps you company as you wait for anything.
«I don’t» he huffs, another tear coming out as he too places his head on yours. He’s not crying because of a pair of shoes, he’s crying because he still feels like a foreigner; he still doesn’t know what those numbers on the targets mean, the names of the days. He doesn’t have anything, clothes, shoes, a cloud to sleep on. For all this time he didn’t give much credit to these feelings, but now they reached the tip of the iceberg and it’s starting to break. He feels frustrated because this is not his natural habit and all he knows is useless. He feels frustrated, embarrassed even though he shouldn’t. He never felt like this, and h doesn’t like it.
«Tae» your voice calls him and finally gets him out of his mind, eyes now looking into yours. The sudden view makes his lips tremble like the ones of a baby and a second later he breaks in sobs. The sound of his crying is heartbreaking, his shoulders tremble as you stop thinking and just wrap your arms around him. Warm and tight, you hold Taehyung just like you’d only hold someone that means too much, but you still don’t know. All you know is that this amazing man is going through something that you don’t know anything about, nevertheless you only want to help him.
He lets his tears come out, eyes shut as he hides his face in the crook of your neck showing nothing but his naked feelings. Taehyung sniffles as he gets used to the warmth of your body, slowly getting used to his emotions too. You stay like this for a few minutes, comforting him as he lowly sobs, he thinks about the things that have built up inside him that led him to feeling like this. Slowly, he feels his mind emptying and his energies dry, until even sobbing becomes too much of an action too.
Your hands are in his hair, sweetly caressing them as he breathes in your scent.
One wrapped around the other so tight that a person walking by wonders where one begins and the other ends, not only physically.
«Can I know you?» you whisper in the silence. Those words resonate inside Taehyung, they make him shiver and shake every part of him, wondering how the Heaven he managed to get here. He was the one who wanted to know you, and now you’re asking it to him. But can he really show himself to you? He knows he can’t. He just can’t.
You wander off a little, your forehead now is on his as he sniffles one last time, your hand wiping away the tears that are now drying.
«Please, TaeTae» you whisper.
Taehyung licks his lips, his tongue almost touches your lips because of the little amount of distance between you.
«I just have tight shoes» he lets out unsure, voice trembling and eyes fixated into yours. You can’t hold back your laugh at his words, but it only lasts a second.
«Do you want to buy new ones?» you ask sweetly. Taehyung’s eyes widen at the question.
«Buy?» Taehyung wants to ask you what is it, but he’s afraid once more that he’ll end up with showing his true nature, so he just nods.
«Let’s go then»
-
The shop is full of shoes at Taehyung’s eyes. He never wore them before coming to Earth but for the first time he thinks that it may even be fun to wear them. Imagine having so much of them, comfortable. What is he saying, these are things made for humans; now he can even taste greediness.
«Do you like these?» you point at a pair of classic shoes that seem to get along with what he wears every day, not too particular but still beautiful. Taehyung narrows his eyes and it makes you wonder what kind of clothes and shoes he’d wear if he had more. The answer comes a second later; Taehyung wraps his hand around your wrist and guides you towards another pair of shoes. Particular but classic, your mind immediately flies to a Taehyung dressed with boxy pants, beret, large shirt and the shoes he likes. The image makes you stuck in place for a few seconds, the angel now taking the shoes in his hands.
«I like them. Can we go now?» he asks. You raise your eyebrows, smiling at him.
«Are those of your size?»
His face suddenly becomes blank, raising his eyebrows just like you.
«My size?»
«Do you know your size of shoes?» you smile at him, guiding him towards a seat. Taehyung’s cheeks become red once again as he gulps and shakes his head, the feeling of not being able to understand the simplest of things again approaching him. You notice the change in his expression and you quickly knee down in front of him.
«I don’t know it» his answer leaves you speechless. You wonder how is it possible, but again you don’t say a thing. You just simply take one of the shoes he has in his hands and show him where the tag is.
«Here,» you say «you can see it here»
Taehyung reaches down to check his shoes, but not a thing is written where there should be the tag. Maybe in Heaven they don’t have size for shoes since they don’t wear them, he thinks. Maybe that’s the reason why they gave him a tight pair.
«We have to find your size»
«How?» he wonders when he should stop asking and when should he pretend to know what you’re talking about. The last thing is what he usually does with other people, but when he’s with you he tends to let go of his fears.
«Where did you take the
Taehyung feels lighter. He’d lie if he said it’s just for the new shoes he’s going to wear tonight. He knows his size, he thinks as he takes a step more in the line. The box in his hands becomes heavier and heavier the more he waits, he’d like to just put them on right now but he has to wait apparently. Still, he doesn’t know what the number on the sticky tag on the box means.
«Good morning» the employee smiles at you both when it’s your turn and waits for Taehyung to place the box on the counter. He smiles at her, raising his eyebrows when she does the same to him.
«The shoes» you whisper to him. Only now he realizes and finally gives them to her, removing them from the box. You smile at his actions, the saleswoman thanks him probably thinking that he wanted to do her a favor by removing them from the box for her. Which could be, but to you it looks differently. It almost seems as if he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, as if he never bought something in all his life. Like a child buying his first candy. You shake the thought off and wait to pay, watching Taehyung following every move of the employee with his eyes.
«It’s 93900,30₩» Taehyung’s eyes widen. It’s a high number, he thinks as he watches you take something out of your purse, like a case with some papers inside. You give her the exact amount she asked, and only when he sees the papers in front of him and counts the numbers written over them he realises it’s the same number as the one written on the tag on the box.
Even the sign after the number is the same, the saleswoman called it won, right? Where do you take them? Is it like a barter? He heard that people on Earth used to do it a long time ago. You give her the papers and she lets you take the box, is it this easy?
«Thank you, have a nice day» the employee says. She hands you another paper, white this time with black words written over it, almost at the end there’s the long barter number too. You put it in the bag she gave you with the shoes and Taehyung follows you out of the shop, happy to finally be able to wear comfortable shoes and to have understood something.
-
It became usual by now, how much you and Taehyung spend your time together. He’s at the library everyday from half of your shift to the end, reading whatever comes to his view and waiting for you to end working, then you would go for a walk together, sometimes ending up with eating lunch at your place. Taehyung is still trying to get used to the feeling of wearing comfortable shoes, sometimes stopping in place only to look down and make sure he’s not dreaming. He still feels like a foreigner, things are different on Earth, but he feels happy when he’s with you, even though he doesn’t know what’s a won. And today, it’s no difference; Taehyung is keeping you company at work just by spending time here, he knows you’re busy working and he prefers to leave you your spaces and just glance at you from time to time rather than bother you. What you think every time you see him enter is always the same thing though; does he really have all this time? He never talks about him, so you don’t know a lot. You always try not to ask too much since he seems uncomfortable or not at ease talking about himself, but sometimes you just like to wonder; where does he come from, what was he like when he was younger, if he has friends. Taehyung intrigues you, you can’t deny it, his company makes you feel at ease, happy, free, his attitude makes you feel - just a little - in charge, as if you’d have to look after him and his naivety; and you like it. So when you look at him, you can’t help but wonder where does all of this come from, where does all of him come from.
Namjoon stares at you from behind the counter at the entry, eyes glued on your back as you put the books in order and count them again for the third time, just to be sure. His eyes meet Taehyung’s figure from time to time, and even though you never interact that much when you’re here, he knows you know each other, and he can see the way Taehyung looks at you too: it’s the same as him. He notices it everyday, his eyes lighting up at the sight of your smile or his head shooting up from one of the books he’s reading the moment he hears you hum, always the same melody.
To be honest, until today Namjoon kind of used your friendship as an excuse to not ask you out; he’s always been too scared to ruin the bond you have established and taking the first step always seemed like something bigger than him. Telling himself that maybe you liked someone else was way better than hearing it from you. But yesterday as he went home and thought once again about how beautiful you looked, he promised to himself that the next time he was going to say that to you. And even though he can see how much Taehyung likes you, he can’t help but wonder what would it be like, and again, if only...
You huff and finally turn around, now walking towards the counter, Namjoon lowers his gaze on the keyboard and whistles the melody of a song he can’t remember the name of. A second later, you’re already beside him.
«Done, finally» you let go a breath of relief as you sit. Namjoon feels his cheeks red already.
«I told you I could’ve helped you»
«There was no need, it was just a box. Plus, clients wouldn’t have found no one at the counter» you smile at him, coming closer to the screen. Namjoon’s hands are sweating, and so is Taehyung under the rays of the sun coming through the window, they’re hitting him as if they were screaming him to raise his eyes from the book.
«Do you-»
«Can I ask you something?» Namjoon cuts you off. When you nod and smile he desperately hopes that things won’t change after his question, but he forces himself to let it out.
«Would you like to go out? Like, with me? We could eat seafood- wait, please not seafood, I hate it. But we could eat meat, or pizza? Would you like that?» he literally says all of that with just a breath and all you’re left with is your mouth hanging open and a little smile spreading all over your face at his cute rant of turmoil.
«That wasn’t just something» you chuckle and he feels a bit of weight off of his shoulders, still, the times that he felt so much pressure in all his life could be counted in one hand, and this is definitely in his top three.
«When?»
He lets out the deepest breath you’ve ever heard, head lowering as he closes his eyes and smiles to himself, unbelievable of what is happening.
«Really?»
«Why not? Did you really think I wouldn’t say yes? I like your company, Joon» you smile once more, and Namjoon thinks he couldn’t like you more, maybe tomorrow, but not today.
-
«Tomorrow after work» you explain as you open the fridge to take the water. Taehyung follows you right after, already with two glasses in his hand.
«So we won’t go for our walk?» he asks, a cute pout taking over his face.
You shake your head.
«Not tomorrow, TaeTae» you pat his shoulder and kiss his cheek right after, his lower lip gets fleshier as he puts even more, his eyebrows furrowed.
«But we won’t even eat together?» he adds, glancing at you as you put the water in both the glasses.
«Not tomorrow,» you repeat «does it bother you?» Taehyung looks up in thought, and he looks just like a child right now with his eyebrows furrowed, pouting and eyes looking at the ceiling. He’s so cute you’d kiss all over his face.
Honestly? Taehyung doesn’t know the real meaning of being bothered by something, if we don’t count his old tight shoes and the things he doesn’t know - this feeling is one of them-, those bother him.
«No? I don’t get bothered» he answers, shaking his head. His answer brings you back again to his innocence and you end up smiling as you bring your glass of water to your mouth.
«Okay then. Now let’s go»
-
Namjoon can’t help but smile as he looks at you walking beside him, eyes fixated on the colorful sky and cheeks blushing because of the light breeze, he thinks you look good wearing this color. This morning at work all he could do is smile like an idiot - just like now - and try as much as he could to find something to talk about with you at lunch, since he already knew that his brain would shut down the very first moment you would meet again after going home.
Taehyung came at the library today too - just like every day - but he didn’t stay too long, or at least that’s what you think. He preferred to look at you from far away, he still had duties, after all. He watched Namjoon too, wondering if he should leave you two alone this afternoon or watch after you from far away, and he told to himself that he could trust him. Namjoon is a good person, he can see it just from the way he often smiles as he looks at the clients searching for their book. But again, isn’t his job to protect you? What if something happened and he wasn’t there?
So here he is, watching you from far away, again. It reminds him of months ago, what it used to be like. Watching you as you laugh with someone else makes him feel sick, not because of Namjoon or you, but because he knows that what really unites him to you are his duties, even if you don’t know it. Even if by now, they’re the last thing he thinks about when he looks at you. If something happened he would do all he could for you just because of you, not because of his role as an angel, but he knows that this counts only for him. He doesn’t even know if the oldest are okay with all of this, him talking to you, being your friend. Do they know? Can they feel how much you matter to him? Do flower blossom in Heaven thanks to your love too? He remembers how they used to grow around him during the night when a friend would smile to another in your world, do they? Are they different from the ones that usually grow? For Heaven, all that anchors him here is you; and it’s true for him too, but just in a different way.
He watches Namjoon as he smiles once more, his eyes sparkling as he speaks and looks at your face, now sitting at the table. Is a rose growing now? He thinks. It must be, cause the way he looks at you remembers him a lot of the way he used to see boyfriends looks at their girlfriends from his favorite cloud, beside Yoongi. Is this one of those meetings they do here, before getting married? How do they call it, he can’t even remember. Are you two going to get together and then get married?
He wrinkles his nose, an action that comes so naturally that he doesn’t even realize it. Until he lets out a little whine, cute and low, matched with a pout. What is he feeling? Something new, definitely. It’s a negative feeling, it’s just a sparkle, but it’s there. Right in his chest, the beginning of something he cannot understand. Then, he looks at you. It goes away, for a second or two, until he sees Namjoon touching your hand on the table. Eyes still sparkling, dimpled cheeks and heart beating fast.
From the clouds, someone smiles at the scene, now looking at Taehyung. The angel wishes he could talk to him and tell him what he needs to hear, but all he can do is keep watching. Taehyung lets out a deep breath, watching as you both eat. He wants to go eat out with you too. What is it that you’re eating? It seems like a big rounded bread with tomatoes and mozzarella on top.
-
Taehyung watches the clouds walk, slowly and silently in the night. He wishes he could touch them tonight, they’d bring him comfort from his unstoppable mind. He can’t sleep, and the night is slowly fading away. He keeps thinking about you, the way you look at him, how much happiness and coziness you bring him, familiarity. If he could sleep with you he’d hug you tight and listen to your breath, maybe he’d fall asleep. He’d lean his body on yours and place his head right on your chest, listen to your heart beating as he closes his eyes.
He shakes his head. It all sounds like a tale to him tonight. Endless tales, endless stories that won’t come true, because he’s not from here and there are things he can’t tell you and things that need to be kept far away from you. He can’t ask you what he has to do to bring you out to eat whatever it was that you were eating today, what is it that makes cars move or where do the ink of pens come from. These things are so simple but he doesn’t know them and even these, are part of the reasons why he won’t have with you what Namjoon has. Maybe that’s what makes him feel low, tonight.
He wishes he could have it, whatever it is that you two have, but he won’t ever. All he can have is a little taste, sleep beside you for once just like that time, laugh with you but say goodbye right after just to go back to watch you from far away. Namjoon or whoever will have it next, he wishes he could be that person. He wants to touch your hand just like Namjoon did today and warm you up when you feel cold, hear you hum the same melody for the whole night and ride a boat with you and talk under the light of the moon, eat that strange bread together and buy other shoes. But these are just endless stories of him, he thinks. He can only leave them in his dreams, which he doesn’t have tonight, since it’s already morning.
-
Taehyung stays away from you today. In fact, you start to wonder if something happened and you have to be worried; the fact that you don’t have his number to call him after all the time you spent together is something that you seem to realize only now. After an hour more, you really start to worry. Maybe he had something to do, you force yourself to think. Not seeing him around seems strange now, as if missing your shadow. Taehyung is a little bit like that, obviously you don’t mean that he’s always following you around, but in a different way, he’s just... you seem inseparable by now. Did something really happen? How did you never ask him his number?
You take a breath, looking straight in front of you. You need to stop. You’re working, you can’t even go and see if he’s at home; you don’t know where he lives. How come is it that you spend so much time together but seem two strangers?
Taehyung is here, is just that you can’t see him. For the second time, his wings make him feel like he’s finally back to being himself, the one he was before Earth. It seems like it’s been ages since the last time he felt their soft feathers behind his back, how the wind hits his skin when he flies into the sky. He admits it, it’s rather hazardous to fly careless like he did, but he needed it too much. He needed to feel in control, back to his old self, his emotions, his feelings. And for a bit it lasted, the first two minutes. Then, he saw the library from above and it all went back to how it was just minutes before - not that it would’ve lasted longer anyway -.
And it’s all becoming even worse, because as he looks at you putting the books in place from a branch, Namjoon staring at you and you spacing out from time to time, he starts to wander again with his mind. Why not even in the Beauty and the Beast they can be together even if they’re different? The beast becomes a prince. In the Little Mermaid the princess becomes human. What is wrong with being different from each other? He read those books so many times by now, but he never felt so distant from them than now. And as he thinks once again of them, he realizes that he doesn’t want something like the two friends that are playing in front of the library with you. He wants something like the princess and the beast, the mermaid and the prince. But he’s different. And sadly, he can’t change. Last night, this thought was just the result of stress and sadness, but it was still abstract. Now it’s clear, and he can’t deny it not even if he tries to: Taehyung is in love with you.
-
Namjoon and you went out again today, this is all you can think about. You’re not sure if the date was good, I mean it definitely was but not that good. Your heart didn’t race when he held your hand and it didn’t throb when he said you looked beautiful. There’s something that doesn’t let you fall for him in that way, maybe it’s because you’ve always seen him as a friend. When he walked you home and kissed your cheek you could see the wish he had to place his lips on yours, he stopped in front of them for a second before deciding that it was too soon. Maybe you should’ve kissed him to understand? You shake the idea out of your mind, just at the thought you already know the answer.
As if it wasn’t enough you’re still not over what Taehyung did today; while you were ordering the books on the shelves he came in and got out at light speed, you didn’t even see him. What proved his presence though, were the 90000₩ that he left to Namjoon and told him to give them to you from him. Maybe he wanted to give them back to you for the shoes you bought him a few months ago? That’s the only way you can explain it. Why now, though? And simply why? Wasn’t it clear that it was a gift? Why is he not coming anymore to see you? Why did he left them to Namjoon instead of you? Those questions are maybe the answer to why you kept spacing out at your date with Namjoon.
You miss him. And realizing it makes you miss the way your heart used to race at his touch, throb at his smile. And now you realize this too; the real answer. The date couldn’t go in any other way, your heart already belongs to someone else.
-
Taehyung doesn’t know what to do anymore; this last week is been the worst. Watching you from afar just like at the beginning is killing him, he never wished to talk to someone so much. He lost count of the times he internally wished for you to meet his gaze as he looked at you from across the street. At the end, he’s not so sure anymore of what he’s doing. What are his plans? Going back to how it was almost a year ago? Looking at you from far away, but you didn’t know each other. Maybe that would be good, if it’d erase what he feels every time he looks at you. But he doesn’t want to, though. He never felt this much love for anyone, and he’s an angel. What he feels when he thinks about you is the absolute peak of love, the purest feeling he ever felt, and he loves it too.
The only thing that’s keeping you both away from each other is his diversities. The fact he naturally has wings, he used to walk naked, he didn’t know what a won is until five days ago, he likes to jump in puddles rather than to avoid them. He sometimes adds to this list the fact that he doesn’t know what a relationship is made of too; as if things would be different if he knew. That is the thought that makes him shake his head and remove that point from the list again.
-
Telling to Namjoon the truth does nothing but reinforce what you were already thinking before; going on after realizing you’re in love with Taehyung would lead you nowhere and only make things worse. Even though you only went out twice Namjoon had a crush on you since your first day at work, and it only became deeper for the two years you’ve been working together. He’s hurting more than he shows, but the only thing he can do now is being thankful for your honesty and wish you the best, even if it’s not with him.
Pronouncing the words “I’m in love with someone else” had made you question yourself of when, how did it happen, but the truth is that you don’t know. Finding the exact moment you started to fall in love with Taehyung is impossible, maybe from the first. Not seeing him for so long it’s something that edges you, not just because of his absence, but because it’s not something that feels like him, leaving like this without even saying goodbye. What if he moved? You’ll never going to see him again. Something breaks inside of you, it’s a dull sound, one of those that sound like silence but if you listen closely are like thousands of glasses falling on the floor.
You miss Taehyung. His presence became a big part of your everyday life in all these months, maybe your favorite part. You liked the way he used to make you smile just by looking at him watching the tv, as if it was a magic box full of wonders. You miss the way his voice used to make you feel, deep and melodious, the feeling of being at home even though you never thought about what it really meant. You miss singing for him, talking to him about the melody you always used to sing, about the books you used to read. You just miss him.
-
It’s been a month. A month where Taehyung has kept telling himself that the next day would be better, he would feel better. But deep inside, he knowns that every time it’s just a lie. He’ll never feel better if he watches you from afar, but there’s nothing he can do about it.
He thinks of Hoseok and what he told him when he gave him the money, but he shakes his head as to shake the thought off. He couldn’t change what he did not even if he wanted by now, and even if he could he would be back to the beginning. Maybe it would take him somewhere, but he’d probably stop himself because of his nature and his duties.
He feels nostalgic these days, incredibly nostalgic. So much, that he started to think of how it all begun, of his thoughts as he looked at you from the shore, riding that boat every night just to get inspiration from the moon, just how you explained to him once. He used to think of you two as two boats, two ships to be exact. Riding through the night, wondering how could it happen that someone who is immortal could feel like his forever without someone else doesn’t make sense, wondering how is it possible to think of someone as their best friend when they don’t even know you. Wondering when did it all change, going from a simple angel that has to respect his duties to feeling something so strong.
That day when he went into your apartment because you forgot your window open, how he felt closer to you right away because he was closer, inside your everyday world. How he used to think of his thoughts as waves. What’s left now? The only thing that soothes him it’s the softness of the cloud he’s been sleeping on since a month ago, the pillow he wasn’t used to anymore. And he can’t get tired because what’s really left is hope. It stays there and never leaves, hoping for that door to still be open, that window, your world, your heart.
How could he know that all of this would end like this? Not even his wings now seem to have the same weight as they used to before this all happened, they don’t bring him as much comfort as he thought. He looks at your bedroom from the sky, and suddenly feels his stomach tightening. If he only could be there with you and hug you tight just like he did that night, warming you up, maybe it would bring you comfort. Are you crying because of him? The naive part of him comes out once again as he asks himself what he can do to help you, still being far away.
The melody you used to sing comes to his mind just like every night before he goes to sleep. But tonight is different, because he feels more nostalgic than usual. He tears off a piece of cloud, not too big but not too small, his hands aren’t used to this anymore but he remembers the movements by heart anyway. And as he makes that piece of cloud almost a soft and cotton piece of paper to write on, you end up falling asleep with your cheeks wet with tears.
-
It’s been three more days. Three more days when your feelings did nothing but grow even more. Three more days when at night you keep wishing you’d discovered what you feel before he went away. Your days keep going on as if nothing changed from when you didn’t know him, always the same routine and habits, but everything changed. Taehyung changed everything more than you’d like to admit.
Your favorite part of the day is waking up; feeling sleepy and not having a single thought in your mind, it doesn’t last too long though; just a couple of minutes and your brain is already reminding you of your everyday life. You tell yourself that you can do it, and you really can, you’re an independent woman and you can certainly live without something or someone, if you’d only want it. But you want him. You want him and that’s the reason why you ended up falling asleep in tears for the last four days.
Taehyung was the sparkle that you needed to your world, and you’d never want to live without it again. He makes - made - you feel good, like you finally belonged somewhere with his naiveness and boxy smile, eyes full of love and curiosity, as if he’d too needed or wanted you to answer his questions. As if he relayed on you, even if just a little, with his dark deep shining eyes and his innocence.
The main character of your favorite drama once said “Because they beg for love it makes me grow fond to them”.
The wind is blowing more than usual these days, you can hear it even with your windows closed and thankfully - you think - it’s what brings you out of your mind. The tv is still on on some late night show you stopped watching almost half an hour ago and your butt almost seems glued to the sofa so you decide it’s time to get up and go to your bedroom. It’s pretty late so you’re happy you don’t have to work tomorrow, or else you’d walk around like a zombie. You turn the tv off, finally heading to bed after a long day. The house is silent now and it suffocates you, your brain already going back to its habits of dwelling and dwelling again over past memories. You love him. That’s how you can sum up everything that’s going on inside you and your mind.
«Tae?»
You can see him even in the dark, facing his back and with his head lowered down. Your heart stops its run for a second, the same as when you turn the light on and he turns around at the speed of light with his eyes widened. After all this time you’re not sure of what to say, what to look at; his face, his expression, his lips hanging open like a child, his dark locks. Everything about him feels so distant yet so close and familiar, and the feeling is so weird that you stay in silence hoping for him to talk first, but it doesn’t happen.
He’s just as shocked as you, he was desperately hoping you fell asleep in the other room since he couldn’t see you anymore from his cloud, and now he’s even more scared of your reaction since he has his wings shut behind his back. His heart his beating so fast he’s afraid he’ll have an heart attack even if it’s not possible for him to have one. The fear and the happiness of seeing you one more time blend together so well that he doesn’t know anymore where one starts and the other ends, all he knows is how his breath breaks as he looks at your eyes. The same eyes that have made him feel complete and alive for several times.
«Don’t look at me» he whispers, and you almost can’t understand what he’s saying. He’s scared you’ll end up with hating him and everything you had together, whatever it was, and he could never live knowing that.
«Please» his voice breaks, which makes your heart contract in pure fear.
«Why? Are you okay?» your voice trembles. You decide to take a few more steps towards him, hoping that he won’t back off and go away one more time. The worries inside of you die the moment you see a feather pop out from behind his shoulders. Your brain turns off for a second, not really realising until you see another one. And another one too until the puzzle starts to look like a frame and it all becomes too real to be ignored. You only see a few inches, and you think that it can’t be possible, that its just your eyes playing games to you, but deep inside you already know. And suddenly your tears come out like waterfalls, putting all the pieces together, all the things you didn’t and never understood.
His questions, his naivety, the way he used to look at things, his clothes and all the smallest things you didn’t really give too much importance to. Everything fixes together so well that you’d never believe him anymore if he suddenly starts laughing and tells you that it’s all a joke.
Taehyung never wanted to be human before now - not even in these last nights when all he did was dwell over you two and imagine how things would’ve been if he wasn’t who he is, he never really wished to fully be someone else- , but now it’s all he can think about. The scary, threatening feeling of you suddenly being scared or horrified by him - or whatever your reaction might be - brings his mind to darker places where all he can see it’s the life he’d live if he wasn’t born from the stars. The memories he’d make with you.
«Are those- Are you...» you’re stuttering, and that’s not a good sign. The shock on your face is easy to read, and it makes his eyes water and his lips tremble like a baby. His heart feels heavy suddenly, chest fighting to breathe. He can’t hold back, and a sob comes out of his mouth as he takes a step back.
«Don’t hate me» it sounds like a prayer. And honestly, it is. All that he fears is you, the biggest love of his eternity. He fears your hate, your reaction to his true self, seeing everything that made him happy and feel like flying even without his wings being disrupted right in front of his eyes, vanishing because he knows that you’ve always liked the different version of him. But this is what he is, and he could never change it.
You honestly don’t know what to say, what to think. The shock is so strong that you stay in silence for a minute, staring at him with your tears rolling down your cheeks and your eyes glancing back and forth from his face to his wings.
«What are- Who are you?» you sob.
Those words are what make him break. His tears come out without a second thought, wetting his cheeks and making his nose run.
«Taehyung, I’m Taehyung» he cries, the sound of his voice so husky as he cries and tries to speak makes your heart ache even through all of this. Seeing him cry like this kills you again nevertheless, his shoulders shaking and his dark brown, beautiful eyes totally drown in tears, but you can’t manage to say anything.
«I’m TaeTae, just- I’m not- I’m who I was before»
Those words hit you hard, just as much as his voice as he says so, totally lost in desperation and hopeless, broken. Your heart contracts and you can feel your fingers tremble, and for a second there’s a side of you who want to hold him tight and ask for forgiveness, you would never want to see him cry. The other part of you creates a shield, ready to protect you from your biggest weak spot; him. Still, that’s what makes you take two steps more and look at him closely.
Only now you realize that you’re facing him for the first time after understanding your feelings, the feelings you were thinking about just a second before you saw him standing in the dark. And he looks so lost with his eyes into yours, crying and sobbing that for a second you think that his reaction it’s too deep to just be scared of losing someone he’s grown familiar with. Your heart flutters at the thought, and it makes you freeze in place. Will this, whatever it is, change everything you thought and felt for all this time, all the joyful moments and the memories? Does it matter that much who he is?
«From how- how much?» you hardly let out.
His expression tells you that there’s really nothing to talk about, as if he’s- «Since I was- born» Exactly.
«But you didn’t have-»
«Not here. We don’t have them here» he’s still crying, scared from the very first edge of his hair to the last inch of his feet that you won’t like him anymore, reject everything you had and push him away. He’s so scared of your reaction that his lips are trembling and his chest his still raising up and down uncontrollably.
And you can’t see him like this.
It’s stronger than you, even if his wings are making him look like a different person and if his skin would start glowing under the sun just like Edward Cullen, you could never hold back when he’s suffering like this. It tears you apart too.
Your arms wrap around him, so tight and warm that he feels like he’s dreaming. Around his torso and directly on his wings, soft feathers touching your skin and making you shiver at the new contact. They’re soft and incredibly warm, and the sound of his heartbeat under your ear makes you close your eyes to take the moment in. You can’t wrap your head around what is happening, but feeling him like this, after so much time of being away makes you cry even harder. He’s okay. Even if you didn’t see him for so long, he’s okay. You were so worried, so fucking scared even though you tried so hard to keep it together. Taehyung is okay.
And you tell yourself that that’s what really matters for now, because even though you don’t know what is happening, your heart still pounds for him and your fingertips are burning just to caress his cheeks.
«Was it all fake?» you whisper. Taehyung slightly relaxes in your hold, his tears keep falling down nonstop. His chest hurts at your question, wondering if you could really think that.
If he knows one thing is the feelings he felt and still feel, and those could never be fake.
«Noth- nothing was fake. I- I have duties but- I- I didn’t-» he breaks once more in sobs, he’s been holding back for too long; all this time without you and the time he spent with you too where all he did was be afraid or just think of your differences. It’s too much to handle, how he feels towards you and towards himself at the same time, the anxiousness in his body and the fear that’s eating him alive. It makes him panic when he thinks about it, breath too fast and sobs so loud.
«Breathe for me» you raise your gaze, looking up at him from his chest as he keeps trembling and crying.
It’s killing you too, just seeing him in this state. It devours you and makes you want to cry with him too, tell him that it’s alright, that you’re here nevertheless. And it makes you realise of how far you reached, with him and for him. The shock is long gone, your heart already took the decision that his feelings are so much more important than his form, even if unconsciously at the very first step you took towards him.
«Breathe for me and calm down, TaeTae» you use his nickname on purpose, hoping for a good reaction. Thankfully, you see his eyes clear just a bit more as his chest slows down a little, his arms now finally reaching out to hug you tight too. The feeling of holding you close again and realizing that your hands are touching the part of him that he had to hide for so long makes him let out another cathartic cry, which ends up with him hiding his face in the crook of your neck just like he used to do time ago.
Having you in his arms and feeling yours around him is something he could never get tired of, he wishes he could spend his whole eternity like this.
«I just want answers,» you whisper, silent tears falling down on your cheeks «nothing changed, I guess. Kind of» you manage to let out a little laugh, even if it’s unsure and it trembles. It makes him raise his head from his hideout and push his forehead against yours, looking straight into your eyes. His vision is blurry and it makes it all even more surreal, buoi so close to him, your warm embrace around him, his natural self.
His hand lifts to your face and you suddenly close your eyes at the feeling of his fingers on yours cheek once more. He stiffens at your reaction, but lets out a deep breath of relief when he notices you loosening up and melting into his touch, your skin slightly pushing against his hand as if to meet his touch even more. Taehyung smiles, not able to believe what is happening as he dries up your unstopping tears.
«I will give them to you» he whispers.
-
Taehyung’s breath is on your neck, and his presence is so strong behind you that you feel like you’re about to tear up in a matter of seconds. Now that you have him here you realize that you wouldn’t want to part from him anymore. Even if he’s not who you thought he was. Well, he is, just in a different form.
You can’t get tired of the way his arms feel around you anyway, it doesn’t matter wether he has wings behind his back or a tail hanging down his legs. The stupor is still raw, hanging on the both of you like a cloud, but you know that it doesn’t really matter. You missed him too much, and no matter what you do, what you doubt, what you think of or tell yourself, your feelings are too real and deep nevertheless. Seeing him so desperate, his eyes so scared and lost, defenceless, defeated made you helpless too. You can’t deny that there are so many questions in your mind that you’re losing count of, but you’re still here, beside him through every single one of them.
«Are you... comfortable?» you almost whisper. Taehyung nods slightly, nose taking in the scent of you he missed for all this time.
«Yes» he nuzzles his nose in the crook of your neck, making you shiver and smile at the same time. Little actions like this make you react just like you would’ve before all this happened, and you notice that too.
«I mean, are your... Are your wings comfortable like this? Do you need more space?» your worlds sound awkward, or maybe it’s your uncertainty in pronouncing them.
Taehyung stays silent for a few moments, licking his lips as he reflects on what’s happening.
«They are fine» he answers. Then, you turn around and when his eyes meet yours his smile disappears, only leaving the face of his true feelings. Eyes puffy from crying and lips full, tired and stuck in the middle of both being hopeful and hopeless.
«I wrote something I wanted to leave to you»
«You won’t leave like you wanted to do, right?» you gulp as you ask the question, fear rooting in the deepest depths of your heart. Taehyung pouts.
«I don’t want to leave,» his voice trembles as he speaks «it hurt so much when I wasn’t with you»
His voice is low, his tone cute, childish-like. It makes you smile even if for the shortest time.
«Why did you leave?» you ask in a whisper, hand reaching his cheek and eyes fixated in his. You can see his feelings in his dark irises, long lashes casting shadows under his eyes.
Taehyung takes a deep shaky breath, unsure of how to put all the things that happened and the feelings he felt into words.
«We shouldn’t do this» he speaks lowly, looking away, far away from your eyes, lost again in his chaos.
«I shouldn’t be like this... to you»
«Are we too close for... whoever is watching?» you never thought you could say something like this in your life. Taehyung nods.
«There are rules in Heaven too» he whispers, calm and soft as if he just gives up; wether it is to his feelings or to the rules he’s talking about, he still has to understand it completely. He brings a string of your hair behind your ear, his fingers never felt so good on your skin, light touch almost tickling you and warm breath softly caressing you.
«How are you supposed to protect me from far away?»
«Like I did at the beginning. But I was already...» he stops talking, withdrawing his hand from you and looking down at his feet. Your legs are beside his, and even if he tries not to look at them it’s impossible not to notice the fact that he’s not laying anymore alone on his cloud.
«What?» you ask. He stays silent. You know that things are more complicated than they look. There is a whole world behind him, one that you don’t know anything about; still you want to understand, you want to know.
«I was supposed to come here and look after you from far away. Just away. You shouldn’t even know my name, my aspect. I went away because I couldn’t discern anymore my place, who I am. When I’m with you I...» he stops talking again, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt now, lips still pouting and expression deep in thought.
«Taehyung, please finish your sentences» you’re begging him by the tone of your voice and all he can do is let go of another shaky breath.
«When I’m with you I don’t want to be like this» he admits, eyes now looking into yours with tears about to come out. Desperation, hopelessness and tiredness are the first emotions you can read in them.
«I want to be like you» he spells out loud, heart beating so fast.
«I thought that going away would’ve been the only way»
«So when you came to the shore...»
«I shouldn’t have accepted to follow you home» he finishes you sentence. Silence falls over the both of you as you think all over again about what is the reality and add pieces to your puzzle. The haze is still pretty tight, but you can see the shadows behind it now that you know at least the reason why he went away. You can’t imagine how much pain he had to go through, how scared he must’ve been of not recognising himself and his place anymore.
«Why now?» you ask. He raises his eyebrows.
«Why now, don’t fairytales always talk about angels being assigned to us since the moment we come to life?»
Taehyung smiles sweetly. For the first time he feels like he could actually be the one to teach you something or to overturn your way of seeing things, in the good way.
«We are. But Heaven has many shades and angels are different. Most of the times the angel that lives with you in your young years is too young to be with you for the rest of your life. Aging for angels is different from humans.» he smiles at you, amazed by the way you’re looking at him, taken away by hearing him speak. The concept is so new to you that it leaves you speechless, completely stunned. He likes when you listen to him just like he did to you when you you used to sing.
«We’re more naive and we need time by ourselves to fully understand who we are and mature enough, otherwise we wouldn’t be ready or know what to do if something’d happen in your adulthood, too. In other cases, the angel is already old enough when he’s assigned to their human, but it doesn’t happen often»
«So you’re not the angel I was assigned to since I was born?»
Taehyung shakes his head.
«I’m not» he smiles again at you. All the new informations make you even more curious, the more you learn the more you want to know.
«How are you supposed to live here?» Taehyung shakes his head.
«I still haven’t figured it out. There’s not a manual for us. We learn all by ourselves and see what’s best for us. Some of us prefer to sleep on the clouds, others learn as most as they can and even start living like you so that they can leave in a house and not look suspicious»
«That’s why you didn’t have money to buy new shoes...» you think out loud.
«Why did you give them back? How did you find them?»
Taehyung stays silent again for a few moments, wondering if he should say it or not. He’s tired anyway of not saying things.
«Hoseok gave them to me»
«Hoseok? Who is Hoseok?» you furrow your brows. Taehyung chuckles to himself as he shakes his head.
«Your first angel. He’s been working in the same library you work in since he left you. He took his time to mature but decided to stay here to be sure that everything would work fine anyway even without being assigned to you anymore. He told me to use them to go together to eat, but since I decided of going away it wasn’t a choice»
Taehyung was truly stunned when it happened. It made him feel less alone, knowing the reason behind Hoseok’s gesture. Especially after getting to know who he really was, the dots started to connect. He felt like tearing up when someone like him showed him his support even in something that shouldn’t be even taken into consideration.
From your side, those words leave you truly stunned, wondering how many things in this world you still haven’t noticed, how many people or actions that apparently look like nothing but are truly something bigger. You never noticed him, even his name is new to your ears.
«I never...» you shake your head. This is what Taehyung should’ve done all along. Just thinking about it makes your chest ache.
«Where did you live for all this time?»
Taehyung smiles and slowly sits up, your eyes immediately falls to the wings hanging down, shut behind his back. White and breathtaking, beautiful and incredibly soft to the touch, a vision so ethereal that your breath stops at the sight, a weird but incredibly fulfilling sensation invading your soul. You already know what’s going to be your next question as you sit beside him.
«Behind your tree,» he answers «sometimes I slept on a cloud near your house» you’re left speechless again, picturing him all alone in the dark of the night, in the cold. Your Taehyung laying on the hard ground, hidden behind the bust of your tree.
«All this time?» you’re shocked. The rain, the cold, the night; all that he had to go through just to make sure you were safe.
«Yes. Clouds remember me of home, it’s where I would usually sleep there» he lets out still looking at the tree in your garden. If only you took a closer look maybe you would’ve been able to see him guarding at your window.
«Do you miss it?»
«What?»
«Home»
The question leaves him without words for a bit. Pondering about it now seems easier than it used to be some time ago; at the beginning he used to miss it a lot. He used to desire he could just fly around and walk naked here too, he used to wish for a good bath in the Pearly Waters. Truth is, he started to miss it less and less since the moment he started to know you more.
«I do sometimes. But not as much as at the beginning» he smiles. You can see it from the way his eyes look at you that there’s more he thinks about or would like to add, but you guess it’s something personal and it’s better not to ask too much, so you just nod and give him a bit of time to just stay stay silent.
You take the opportunity to place your head on his shoulder, feeling him so close after all this time feels surreal and all you want to do is enjoy as best as you can every second of his presence, hoping that things won’t change from what they are now. Taehyung smiles at the contact and immediately reaches his hand out, wrapping his arm around you and bringing your body closer to his, hugging you from his side. It’s moments like this that he was longing for, simplicity like this. It may be superficial to others, but feeling your presence beside him, the sound of your breath, the tickles of your hair on his skin or your scent are things that make him happy. Happy as if he just reached the peak of his day, as if he finally found something that could make his standards of curiosity, excitement, love change.
«How did you hide you wings for all this time?» you ask as you look outside the window.
«We have something we take from home with us when we come. It’s dust, made from clouds, we call it Pearly cause under the light of the sun the clouds sparkle and shine. It helps us with not getting sick and it doesn’t make us hungry until it’s on our body. It makes our wings grow. Our wings retract when the amount of dust you used finishes»
«We don’t have a lot of amount. Usually it lasts from three to four times» he explains.
Silence fills the air for a moment, Taehyung gulping as his eyes meet his hands, fidgeting with each other in his lap. The way he speaks makes you hold your breath, already coming to a conclusion.
«This is my last time» he adds in the silent. The thought of not having them with him anymore at all makes him shiver. They are the only things that used to make him feel pretty in Heaven, he still remembers how Seokjin’s ones would look, so big and incredibly white. The only thing that still makes him feel like who he was before coming here.
«I’m sorry» you whisper, leaving a soft peck on his cheek. You truly are, and you’re sorry too about not knowing what to say. There aren’t words, you think, that could make it better, not with something of this much importance. The gesture though, makes his heart flutter and his eyes widen, eyebrows raising. His cheek burns as if you’d just heat-stamped the sign of your lips on his cheek, a little smile slowly makes his way on his face.
«Do you… maybe want tell me a little bit about home?» you ask, maybe it will help him with not thinking about his wings. As you think that, you can’t help but take a look at them, breathless once more. He’s the same as he was before, still you can’t help but look at them.
«I…» he stops for a few seconds
«It doesn’t feel like home anymore» he whispers, fidgeting with his fingers as he now stares silently at the ground. There’s a weird feeling that comes with the word “home” now. It’s where he used to live, yes, but he doesn’t feel comfortable as he was before anymore, thinking about it. He doesn’t feel excited about it like he was before, he doesn’t see the version of himself that he is today ready to call it home again. Cause his heart doesn’t belong there anymore.
You can read the weary emotions in his expression, but his mind is just empty by now.
He knows he’ll never think of his home like his home now.
«I…» he doesn’t know how to end the sentence. His feelings are clear but he never really ever faced them. What is he supposed to say, what are the right words to use, are things he doesn’t know.
He could never think about Heaven as home now, not anymore. You are here and that’s the thought that scared him the most when he decided to be away. Not thinking of Heaven as home anymore, knowing that no other angel ever thought anything similar and that this is totally breaking the rules, that invisible line that keeps everything balanced and in place.
«I got used to you,» he almost whispers «this is home now»
Still, after all he’s still an angel. No matter how much he ponders about it, angels are as plainness as kids.
-
Birds are singing, the sun is shining and the sky is just like every other day. It is, even though today all seems different. Maybe it’s because you wake up to Taehyung’s warmth on your side. To his arms around you. You can clearly remember that you fell asleep away from him, in fact you’re still in your side of the bed. He probably moved in his sleep. He even told you he’d leave but you really didn’t want him to, especially knowing that he’d probably end up sleeping on the ground or in the cold, wether it is a cloud or the grass of your garden.
Gosh, all of this still sounds so surreal. He’s an angel. Your angel. How can all of this be real? How do you manage all of this, how do you face it, how do you control it? What do you do about your feelings now? Clearly, they’re not going away since your heart is already warming at the sight of his side profile. The way he’s clinging to your body as if it was something he’s used to, be this close with you and sleep together. You’d like it, to wake up like this every day. Feel his arms around you every night, caress his hair to help him fall asleep. Maybe even his wings, perhaps it could be something that helps him relax.
«Tae» you whisper. Today you don’t have to work, and you really wish you could spend more time with him. All this time without him only led to a louder beat coming from inside your chest. And you realize that for the first time you’re looking at him with your true eyes, knowing that what you feel is more than fondness. Knowing that you want to hold him tight and never let go, knowing that you’d like to taste his lips and caress his cheeks. But what would be the effects? Can angels feel what you’re feeling? Can Taehyung?
«Y/N» he mumbles, low and sleepy his voice sounds like the best sound in the world. You love to see him like this, as if he’s showing his more vulnerable side - even more than he usually does because of both his nature and his personality too -. His lips parted and his dark locks messy, Taehyung is the most beautiful view in this world. And you can’t hold it anymore, you don’t want to. Not now that he’s here, after all the time that you spent regretting of not having found out your feelings while he was still beside you.
Your hand delicately lands on his cheek, fingers so lightly caressing his silky skin, they tickle him as he slowly drifts away from sleep. His heart stops when he realizes that your touch is real, that he wasn’t just dreaming again just like he did until now. You’re beside him and even though he still has to open his eyes he already knows it’s going to be a beautiful day, simply by the way your soft caresses wake him up and welcome him to the light.
«Y/N» he calls again, just because he likes to say it. There’s no other meaning behind the reason why he calls you, simply the pleasure of being able to finally pronounce your name knowing that you’ll hear him. There’s no dull silence waiting for him now, there’s your hand on his cheek and your breath on his neck. There’s your warmth beside him and his arms around you, your legs intertwined and your eyes glued to his face. There’s love that you both wish to declare but it’s still screaming in silence, making its way through the both of you even though neither of you have admitted it out loud to yourselves. As if it all could still be a sham if unsaid. You both know it’s true, though.
Taehyung slowly opens his eyes, and he promises that the world only starts to make sense now.
Your eyes staring at him and the way they shine under the light of the morning, the way your hair hangs down onto his chest and the way your fingers still lightly touch his skin. It makes him feel at home.
«Tae» you call. His dark eyes are sleepy and puffy, but his attention is all yours from the very moment he opened them.
«What were you scared of the most?»
Silence fills the room, and only now he asks himself this question for the first time. Was he really that scared of who he is and belongs to, more than your reaction? Because if it was just that, he wouldn’t be here today. He would’ve slept on the ground rather than in your bed, he would’ve loved you anyway, but he would’ve let go just enough to make sure he wasn’t breaking any rules anymore. But he’s here, after all. And he’s still incredibly scared of the consequences that this might have, but he’s happy now.
«You» he lets out.
«Of your reaction, of you hating me and of what would’ve happened to you, of the consequences of us being like this. It must have some consequences, and I don’t know them. I know that I’ll be the one paying for them, but I’m scared that something could happen to you too.» his eyes get teary, voice shaky and vulnerable tone makes you hug him tighter.
«It must’ve been painful» you whisper,
«going through all those thoughts alone»
You hug him now more than ever. Taehyung is putting himself in danger for this, and you hate it, you hate it like crazy, but you know that even if you’d told him to go and let go all of this, he wouldn’t do it now. The question is, are you willing to welcome the consequences of this? The answer comes so fast that you’re taken by surprise. Yes. You are. Because being with him now matters more than what’s to come next.
«You can tell them to me now, Tae. I don’t care about anything else, I just want us to stay like this» you caress his hair. His breath stops coming out for two or three seconds as he realizes what you just told him.
«You don’t?» he asks, that inner child inside him coming out one more time as he looks at you with his widened eyes. You shake your head.
«I don’t. The consequences scare me, but being without you scares me more» you let it go, not able to hold it back anymore. His smile comes through, and you caress his cheek while he closes his eyes, enjoying your touch.
«Do you really think I would’ve hated you?»
«I don’t know. I was just scared, so much»
«Tae» you call again.
«Mh?»
«Open your eyes» you whisper. He does, two windows with the most amazing view you’ve ever seen. You imagine a life without them. The feeling that erupts in your chest suggests that you would probably feel stuck in a world where nothing makes sense. It’s all black and white, without any colors, it’s okay but it’s not good, it’s enjoyable but not what you call life. It’s you but without that sparkle, without him.
«Your eyes are my lights. And I can’t see myself without them. Just picturing that makes me feel lost. I want to know the galaxies you lived in and the stars you touched, I want to caress your wings and understand what it’s like to fly, cause it’s all part of you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hate you» you can’t find the right words to describe it, the way you feel towards him. The words don’t come out. You just wish you could wash all his insecurities away, take his hands and hug every part of his soul and essence.
«Tae» you hug him tight. Tight, tighter, closer until there’s not a single millimeter between your body and his. Taehyung feels like flying again. Even if he already can feel his wings getting weaker, he feels like flying.
«I love you» you whisper. Slow and low, but sincere and incredibly felt. Taehyung is all you could wish for and all you could ever need, he brings lightness to your dark days and deep nights.
His eyes widen. Stuck in place and with his mouth open, he fixes his eyes into yours, astounded. Those big two eyes that seem to sparkle and show you all the galaxies in the world, as if they were just inside him. Maybe they are, you think. Taehyung is silent, but you can see it from his expression that he’s just taking it in. He thinks about the thoughts he had on that cloud that one night.
Now my forever’s falling down
That line crosses his mind as your words echo inside his mind. He wouldn’t mind to lose it all for you, he wouldn’t mind to lose his eternity for you, cause when you look at him and say such things he knows that not even a billion lives would be as good as living this one with you. You’re his night sky, his stars, his ship and his shore.
«Can I kiss you?» you whisper. The way he’s looking into your eyes is magical, breathtaking. Like the melody of a thousands songs playing together, would they ever fit to the rhythm? As magical as hearing them suddenly getting along with each other, notes flying in the room around you as you share your world with each other just by looking at each other.
«Yes» he lets out in a breath. His heart is pounding along with the rhythm of those songs as you lick your lips. All this time you wished to touch them, to have a taste, just a little one. All the time he wasn’t here you regretted not telling him sooner the way you felt. All this time you loved him in silent, not even realizing it.
You lower your head, just half an inch away from his lips, his warm breath it’s the greatest form of both sin and miracle to you, even if it’s coming out from the lips of an angel. Taehyung gulps.
«Ho- how do I do it?» he stutters. It makes you smile wider.
«Don’t think about it too much,» you whisper «like this»
It’s just a peck, but when your lips finally touch you swear you’ve never kissed someone holding so much love and passion for them. His lips are soft and stay still, it’s clear that he doesn’t know what to do in this situation, and it makes you love him even more than a second ago. You don’t even know if he realized what is happening until the moment you part away and take a look at his eyes. Taehyung’s face is red and looks at you with his eyes wider than usual, still still under you. And then it hits him, and the biggest boxy smile you’ve ever seen lights up his face. He thinks he’s certainly the happiest person in all the galaxies right now.
«Can I give you another one?» you ask, just to make sure. Taehyung nods, but this time his hands are more present on your waist and back, holding you even tighter than before.
«Give me another one» he murmurs, tone incredibly happy and playful, it sounds almost as if he’s trying to do some aegyo and it makes you chuckle.
You place another kiss on his lips, soft and fast, and then another, and another one, and another one until his lips get used to feeling yours and return the kiss. He pecks your lips once, he thinks of the time when all he knew was Heaven and thought of his home as enough. Which it was, but how can he say that now that he knows how feeling your heart next to his is like?
The kisses become fast and playful, almost a competition of who gives the other more, and when you part Taehyung can’t wait for you to kiss him again already. It makes him happy, bringing with him an odd sense of dizziness, but he likes it.
«Why did you stop?» he asks, lowly. Still looking at your lips, Taehyung smiles as he realizes how tight you’re holding to each other.
«Can I kiss you?» it’s him who asks this time. When you nod, Taehyung makes his way to your lips slowly and feels his heart beating so fast that it makes him bite his lower lip. The actions makes you gulp. Taehyung kisses you, but it’s different from before. These pecks are not playful, they are slow and long, his lips brush against yours and make your stomach fill with butterflies once again. One, two, three, four times. Taehyung likes it so much that he would never stop, and he realizes that he wants to kiss you more deeply, he wants to be even closer. What follows comes to him so naturally that he doesn’t really think if what he’s doing is right, if this is the right way. His lips just open a bit, and his tongue touches the entrance of your lips, leaving you with your breath stuck in your chest and your hands full of his shirt. You let him in, and the moment your tongues touch Taehyung moans. And it’s low and incredibly thrilling and deep that you wonder how the hell can it be possible for an angel to even emit this kind of sounds.
He feels relieved, as for all this time he wasn’t breathing and finally he took a deep, life changing breath. For all this time, he’s been holding himself back from fully feeling what he’s feeling right now, this burning sensation of deeply-felt love, even though he knew that he was only holding back because he was already feeling it. Feeling you so close and sharing this type of contact makes him realize how lucky he is. He might’ve not been born as a human and this might not be exactly right for someone, but he’s experiencing it. With you. He gets to be a part of your life, gets to love you just like you love him.
At least he’s experiencing it. This thought and the feeling in his chest are enough to guide his next moves, naturally and without really knowing where this is going. His hand reaches your cheek, thumb caressing your skin slowly and lovely, hiding behind his fingertips just how much he loves you. His hand slowly traces down, touches the side of your neck where shivers cross your skin and then places on your shoulder, where it stays for a few moments. You kiss deeply and fondly, sharing feelings and emotions that could never be shared in words.
Taehyung feels overwhelmed, by your perfume, by your kisses, by your warmth, by your presence. His hand lowers again until it reaches your waist, and this time he leaves you stunned and taken by surprise when he pushes it down. Right against him, just to hold you close, closer and closer as if it was never enough. Your chest touches his and your waist too, Taehyung breaks the kiss suddenly.
His eyes are wide and his lips are pouting as he looks into your eyes, not even sure about what just happened and what he’s feeling.
«So- sorry» he emits, lowly.
«This- I don’t know what…» he doesn’t end the sentence, leaving only silence as an end. You smile softly.
«Do you feel uncomfortable?» you lowly ask. Taehyung opens his mouth but nothing comes out for a few seconds.
«I… I don’t know what…» he repeats. He’s clearly panicking in his mind, you can see it from his dark eyes that he’s trying to understand things that he doesn’t even know. You guess it must be because of his nature. Being an angel maybe doesn’t really get along with whatever he was feeling.
«Tae» you call to get his attention. His lips pout more and you smile again.
«Stop thinking about it. Say it out loud. Whatever it is»
«I… don’t know what I was doing…» he murmurs, cheeks turning red as his hand leaves your waist just to fidget with his fingers, head looking down at them between of you like a child who’s just been scolded.
«Are you sorry for me or for yourself?»
You quietly try to ask. That question catches him off guard and he raises his head just to look at you. He gulps as he thinks.
«For us? For both» he talks as he pout with his eyebrows furrowed.
«Okay» you kiss his forehead.
«You don’t have to be sorry for me, it didn’t make me feel uncomfortable so don’t worry about me» you answer back. Taehyung feels his throat dry as his brain starts to dwell over and over again, but your voice stops it again.
«It’s normal that you feel uncomfortable. You’ve never experienced… this» you point at you two.
Taehyung nods slowly and goes back to fidgeting with his fingers, head looking down as you still look at his red cheeks. You want to hug him and tell him that it’s alright but in this moment you don’t know if that’s the best thing to do.
«You did nothing wrong, it’s normal» you whisper as you try to soothe him.
«I know it» he lets out.
«You know it?» You sit comfortably beside him, watching as he slowly licks his lips and bites the inner part of his lower lip.
«I know it» he repeats, this time fixing his eyes into yours just to look down again after the sentence ends.
«I know that humans in love tend to be close and tend to touch a lot, and to make love. They want to feel as close as possible and-»
«Wait, Tae» you call him again. Your eyes widen hearing where is brain is going. He raises his head again.
«Please keep looking at me?» you ask sweetly. He breathes out and nods as he pouts, looking at you from down.
«Is that what you’re thinking about? We weren’t- doing that now. It doesn’t necessarily mean that every time you touch someone you want to end up making love to that person. People can feel the need to be close to someone even if they’re not in love with that person.»
«But- we are?» he fidgets with his fingers again but his eyes are still glued into yours. You smile at his cuteness and you decide to keep him by the hands and guide him to sit up. His locks are messy and his wings are closed behind him, two or three leathers laying on the bed.
«We are. But not every time you feel the need to be close it means that is going to end up like that. You can feel the need to be close just to feel the warmth of someone or just because you want to feel loved, but not in that way»
«I know this too» he pouts again.
«Than what is it? What’s wrong?»
Silence falls into the room, and Taehyung takes a deep breath and licks his lips over and over again, staring into the void for a handful of moments.
«I don’t know how to distinguish it» then, here comes the answer. And it leaves you stunned again for a moment.
«What-»
«How do I distinguish it? Why did I do that?» he asks, eyebrows furrowed.
«What if I did it because I wanted to make love to you and I don’t know how or what to do or if-»
«Tae, Tae, Tae-» you block him. His words make your cheeks turn red but you know that they’re not something to worry about, nevertheless they make your stomach fill with butterflies. He suddenly stops talking and gulps harshly as he looks at you.
«You’re thinking too much again» you smile.
You stretch your arms out, inviting him to welcome the hug and feel some warmth. He does, and a second later he hides his face into the crook of your neck as you slowly touch caress his hair.
«It takes time. You can’t know all the things now, you just started to experience them now. You can’t know the answers right away. What you can do is learn by what you feel and what you experience. Even humans aren’t sure sometimes about the things you’re asking. Take one thing at a time. I’m hugging you right now because I want you to feel safe and comfortable. I want you to know that I’m with you and that all of this is just normal»
«So you don’t want to make love to me?» he asks, just to understand. You smile at his cute question and hug him tighter.
«Not right now,» you whisper «we have time for that. And I don’t want to think about it now, you’ll feel it when it’s the right moment, wether it’s with me or with someone else»
Taehyung shakes his head.
«Someone else who? I don’t want someone else»
«I was just saying. Not all the relationships lead- Tae, think about now. I’m sure you didn’t do it because you wanted to do that»
«Is it considered a bad thing here?» he asks.
«I- what?» another of those questions that leave you stunned.
«You keep saying that instead of make love»
«It’s not considered a bad thing, Tae. It’s beautiful, really beautiful. Do you consider it a bad thing? Do you think it’s sinful, or something like that?»
«No» he shakes his head firmly.
«When humans make love in Heaven roses and flowers grow. From their love. It’s beautiful. It’s just…» he doesn’t know how to end the sentence again, so he just stares at the wall one more time, trying to figure out what is it that really made him so tensed up given that what you talked about right now didn’t. You can understand it right away though.
«It’s just not part of your world» you end the sentence for him. Taehyung looks at you.
«It’s okay that too. It’s normal. You’ve always saw it and experienced it like something that is not made for you, this too. What we are doing isn’t something that you’re used to do. You feel lost. You don’t know if it’s right or if it’s wrong, wether we’re talking about making love or just loving. But it’s totally right, both of them are right, Tae. They’re just things that you’re not used to do, so you feel scared a little and uncomfortable for something else… but it’s alright. You just have to understand what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. If something makes you feel bad, wrong or uncomfortable listen to yourself first. Talk to me, I will listen and try to help»
Imagining how he must be feeling is something that scares you too; not knowing who you are, what do you belong too, which world. An angel or the human side? That is, you guess, what scares him the most, the real reason behind his reaction. Taehyung’s mouth hangs open as he takes in what you just said and thinks about it.
«I… I think you’re right» he whispers, hiding his head more in the crook of your neck.
«I think it made me feel uncomfortable cause I love you. Not like I love my friends, and usually lovers do such things because there is attraction too, and it’s not something I’m used to»
«Do you feel uncomfortable because you’re attracted to me?» you quietly ask. Taehyung couldn’t shake his head faster as a response.
«No.» he firmly answers.
«It’s just new to me»
«Okay then» you place a kiss on his forehead.
«When something happens ask yourself what is it that makes you feel uncomfortable and why. Talk to me, okay?»
Taehyung nods against you, leaving a kiss on your neck.
«It’s not uncomfortable now» he murmurs. It makes you chuckle and he raises his head to look at your eyes sparkle just like he used to do when he used to sleep behind your tree or on his favorite cloud.
«I love you» you whisper. His smile grows bigger and bigger, boxy and as bright as the sun.
«I love you too» he says. He leans forward and pecks your lips, naturally and taking in the emotions he’s feeling. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s just new. But he likes it, he likes kissing you so much that he classify it as his favorite thing he’s ever done until now, wether he’s talking about his angel side or the human side he’s starting to experience from today on.
-
Life with you is been heaven for Taehyung. Literally. He would never get back to where he was before, not if he gets to have you like this, in such a deep, meaningful way for the both of you. Just cuddling on the couch, having breakfast together seems enough to stay here for the rest of his time.
Taehyung changed a little during this period; blame it on the Pearly Clouds dust, completely gone. He needs to eat now not just because he wants to, but because he needs it. You had to buy him clothes too, but that wasn’t a problem at all, you loved shopping for him and watch his expression change once you got back home, as he roamed the outfits with his eyes. Before it was the Pearly Clouds dust that used to make his clothes look so clean, but as the days went by they started to show all the stains that used to be invisible to the eyes, not to talk about the big tear behind his back, where his wings used to come out. You were seriously stunned when you started to see the differences, how such a little amount of dust could change it all.
Taehyung’s wings are the last illusion of his reality, still behind his back, but not how they used to be. They’re still magnificently prodigious, great in size, but Taehyung feels them getting weaker and weaker everyday more, heavier too as if it wasn’t enough. You wonder, from time to time, how will they vanish, will they ever? You have grown used to them, and thinking about Taehyung without them makes you worry, you know how much they mean to him. Maybe they will stay, you sometimes think, even though from the way they weight on his back you wouldn’t bet on it. But what if they do, then? Taehyung will have to hide for the rest of his time here?
These thoughts are stuck in your mind from the moment you wake up and see him still sleeping beside you to the moment you close your eyes at night, in his arms. That is what makes you feel better, his arms. Even when you’re overworked and tired, the thought of him waiting for you at home keeps you going through the day. You would’ve never lived with someone after such a short time of relationship, but Taehyung doesn’t really makes you think that way. You love every single second that you spend with him, and he makes your house feel more like home, because it’s his too now. Plus, he needs a place to stay in.
«Tae! I bought pizza!» you call out as soon as you open the front door. You hear him whistling the melody of your song from the bedroom, stopping as soon as he hears your voice.
«Pizza?» his face comes out of the corner, dark eyes staring at you and long fingers laying on the wall. You nod at him, smiling as you walk in his direction to go to the bathroom to wash your hands. He watches you do so, eyes glued to your hands and the way you move smoothly into the room. He’s still learning things, in the bathroom especially. It is one of those places where he always finds something new and uses it in a totally differently way from the way it should be used.
«Wash your hands, so we can have dinner together?» you smile at him. He nods and pecks your lips when you pass him to go to the kitchen.
The feeling of having him in the other room is so incredibly sweet that sometimes it becomes odd. You wake up from time to time, your first thought is to welcome the weight in your chest for how much you used to miss him, but then you turn around and he’s right there. So close and warm, with his legs intwined with yours and his arms wrapped around you.
«I want to work too»
You were so into your thoughts that you didn’t notice him behind you, with two glasses in hands and a gloomy look on his face. His lips are hanging down, pouting as he places the glasses on the table.
«What?»
Taehyung sits down, clearly smelling the pizza from the box, his tomach growls and he raises his eyebrows as his cheeks become reddish.
«Sorry» he murmurs. It still feels weird when his stomach does that. It makes you smile, how he can be ashamed of the growls of his stomach. It’s cute.
«You’re just hungry, no need to say sorry Tae» you kiss his cheek. The answer at your move is his lips pouting even more than before as he hums a “mmh” that is supposed to speak all by itself. He wants kisses.
Sitting beside him, you lean towards him and peck his lips one, two, three times until you feel him relax them and smile against yours, giving back all the kisses you gave him. It’s when you part and he looks back at the pizza that his expression goes back to a gloomy one.
«You don’t want it? I have ramen and-»
«No, it’s not that» he shakes his head, grabbing the kitchen scissors to cut the pizza, he’s still not a big fan of knifes.
«How much was it?» he asks, low tone. The question makes you pout too.
«Why are you asking?»
«You explained me what a won is» he replies.
«How many won did you pay for them?»
You already know where this is going.
«Tae, stop it. It’s not a pizza that wi-»
«But you work and I don’t and you buy me things and-»
«Tae, this is not one of the things you need to worry about. You’re learning things more important now, focus on that.»
«But I want to buy you pizza too»
His answer leaves you speechless. It’s like a part of your chest just started to burn at the image of his once again pouty lips, sad tone dying into silence.
«You’re the one who always takes care of me» he lowers his head, now resting the scissors in the box of the pizza.
Silence hovers you for a few seconds, just enough to make you order your thoughts and emotions. You slide closer to him, chair squeaking against the floor.
«Tae, love» you call him. You can see him gulp, lips still hanging down and eyes stuck on the table.
«You’re certainly not a weight, okay? I want to take care of you. I like buying you stuff and having you beside me»
«I want to take care of you too» he murmurs. Finally, his eyes meet yours, and you’re taken aback when you notice the amount of sadness who’s covering them.
You lean into him, placing a warm kiss into the crook of his neck and a hand behind his back, rubbing it up and down.
«You already take care of me. You do it everyday. You’ve been doing it since the first moment you walked on this planet. You do it when I come back home and smile at me, you do it when you help me set the table for dinner or when you fill the bath for me»
«The water went out-»
«It doesn’t matter. You take care of me by loving me and making me happy, that is enough. Plus you couldn’t even work now, your wings are not doing fine and even if they were people wouldn’t mind their business»
You feel his muscles relax under your hand as you massage his lower back lightly, his arms coming around you. Nuzzling your nose into his neck you leave other kisses on his skin.
«Just focus on your health for now, we will figure out things better once it’s okay. I promise» you whisper.
«You don’t need to buy me pizza to take care of me»
The night goes on like that, Taehyung enjoying the food and thankfully keeping the bad thoughts outside of his mind, and you doing the same. Just closer than before; you eat pizza practically glued to each other, he cuts yours too and feeds you the first slice, holding you tight and kissing your head from time to time.
Days go by. You watch Taehyung becoming more weak everyday more, is wings becoming heavier and losing feathers from time to time. You’re scared, but you don’t tell him. Not until you realize that Taehyung cannot walk anymore. They weigh too much on his back, their condition made them not able to stand themselves anymore and just rely on his back. It’s awful to see him like this. You know how much his wings mean to him, it’s the only thing that he has from home. Seeing their long and soft feathers fall makes you want to cry. You keep it to yourself though, Taehyung is already dealing with too much to handle your crying.
He stays in bed, looking worn out and tired for the pain, wondering how he never realised how much his wings really weigh. He wonders too, why do angels have to go through all of this just because their Pearly Clouds dust is gone. What will happen next? The thought of losing his wings scares him, the pain he will have to go through scares him even more. But as you enter the bedroom and look at him, he thinks that maybe it won’t be that bad. He could finally go out with you and help you more, he misses the wind on his skin and the sound of the waves at the shore. He wants to eat pizza out like you did that time with Namjoon and go back to the library to watch you work.
«Tae» you smile at him, bittersweet. He looks really tired, almost too much to handle, you can’t even imagine how much pain he must be feeling. Just seeing him like this makes you wince. He’s sweaty, hair disheveled and body stiff.
It doesn’t take you a second more to be beside him. When you come back home, before you enter your bedroom you always make sure that you’re already washed and in your comfortable clothes, just to be sure that you don’t have to leave him alone anymore. You immediately sink into bed, careful not to hurt him with any harsh movements, and reach out to him. Kissing his forehead and his nose, you look him deeply into his wonderful eyes, before placing a kiss on his lips.
«Do you want to try again? Maybe this time it will work» you ask. He just shakes his head.
«Your medicine doesn’t work on my body» he murmurs. You feel useless. All you can do every time you come back home is check his bruises and see if they’re slightly better - they never are -. And today, is no difference. Helping him turning around, back displayed in the air, Taehyung grunts and bites his lips, eyes closed for the pain. He never felt such physical pain in all his life. You once again fight the tears, seeing him like this it’s so upsetting, so hard to endure to the point that you’d gladly cut your legs if it’d help him with the pain.
«Ok, now relax» you whisper into his ear. Taehyung gulps, feeling your fingertips caressing his skin lightly, afraid that you might cause him more pain than what he’s already feeling. You count the bruises and remember the colors in your mind, some are fading and more are creating, you shed a single silent tear as he can’t see you.
«I’m sorry» you let out, voice broken.
«I wish I could do something, anything. It kills me to see you like this»
Taehyung is silent for a few moments. He keeps his mouth shut and dwells on what is going on inside him. He’s scared, incredibly scared and in pain. He doesn’t know the next step, what’s going to happen to him, to his wings. Will it hurt forever like this? Will he lose his wings? Will he… die? Maybe angels can die too, after all. It’s just the aching side of him that speaks, how could he look after you if something like that happened. He should have thought more carefully of the use he made of his Pearly Clouds dust, but at some point it would have happened anyway, he guesses.
But feeling your presence makes him slightly more optimistic. He’s desperate for love now, it’s all that’s keeping him away from falling too deeply into the pain. He just wants your touch, seeing you smile at him and feel your fingers through his hair.
«Can we…» he shuts his mouth for a minute. His cheeks are burning and heart is pounding, and Taehyung decides that it’s time to turn around again. So he shifts uncomfortably in bed, you help him as much as you can, his enormous wings laying almost all open at his sides. He reaches his hand out, telling you to lay down with him. With his condition, you had to find a new way, so you just lay between his legs, with your head on his stomach and your hands on his hips, Taehyung looking at you from the pillows.
«Are you comfortable?» you ask. He gulps again and nods, stroking your hair with his long hands.
«Can we make love?» he whispers. He looks straight into your eyes with so much hope, desperate for love, the need you find in them makes your breath stop. Your heart flutters, your chest fills with sadness and excitement at the same time. Of course, you want to. Of course you want him close, as close as two can get, as intimate as possible. It just makes shudder to see how much he needs it, it’s not something just physical, it’s something that he needs emotionally. Something to help him feeling loved, surrounded by love, by your love. The only thing that can make him feel better. So you nod.
«Yes, baby» you whisper back, fingers intertwining with his.
«Are you sure?»
Taehyung nods.
«You’re the only thing that makes me feel better» he murmurs. Those words leave you with your hands shaky. His eyes hide your whole world behind them, and thinking of a life without them makes you feel incredibly lost. You love him to the point you’d gladly give all you have - even yourself - just to make him happy. You kiss his hip, Taehyung still staring at you from the pillows.
«Tell me if I hurt you in anyway» you tell him. He slightly nods, heart pounding and head dizzy even though you still haven’t done anything. Not knowing how to do this and what will happen later makes him gulp, adrenaline rushing through his body. There’s not much to do, Taehyung isn’t wearing anything besides comfy sweatpants, but you decide to focus on his chest before. Smiling at him - he feels his heart pounding so hard -, your hand travels over his abdomen, caressing the yellowish skin and leaving kisses that tickle him. His hands fly naturally to your hair as you kiss him, stroking your head as he looks at you getting closer to his face. On his neck, your kisses are soft and full of love, nuzzling your nose into the crook as you try your best not to hurt him. It’s a little uncomfortable to move on the bed trying not to touch his wings or weigh on him, but you manage to do it anyway.
«I love you» you whisper on his lips before closing the unbearable distance, your hands caress his cheeks. The kiss makes him feel at ease, as if there was no place in the world as good as this, with you. He never imagined someone could love this much, not an angel that already has so much love for everything. What he feels for you goes beyond imagination, no boundaries could ever be able to hold his love for you back. And you can feel it all in your kisses, from the way his arms hug you from behind your back to the way you kiss his neck again. When you reach his chest once more, Taehyung holds his breath as yours hits his nipples.
«Tell me how it feels» you say. The moment your lips touch them, his head tilts backwards and a deep moan escapes from his lips, as if he had never experienced something this intense - physically, he in fact didn’t -. His reaction makes you use your tongue too, and Taehyung feels so dizzy for a moment that he doesn’t even remember how to breathe anymore. It’s crazy, how good someone could feel just by being this intimate. Soft moans leave his lips and his hands reach your hair again, fisting them lightly as he finally looks back at you.
You leave a kiss on the other one as Taehyung now reaches for your hand, long fingers intertwine perfectly with yours when you suck his nipple again, leaving him with an odd feeling he never felt inside the boxers you bought for him. It’s as if all the blood in his body was running down exactly to his sex, leaving him hot and hard, standing almost. It makes his cheeks flushed.
«How does it feel?» you ask. The emotions he’s feeling are too much to describe, too intense. He just nods.
«Good» he lets out, voice low and raspy, breath uneven. He makes you smile, so much your cheeks hurt. Your fingers caress his abdomen, reassuring him and giving him shivers at the same time.
«You’re so beautiful» you smile, Taehyung’s hold around your back tightens at your words, as if he was answering with his touch, not able to put a sentence together.
«You look like an angel, are you an angel?» you joke, giggling as he stares at you from down. Taehyung smiles as bright as the sun and all your rainy clouds go away. Not a single bad day could stand against this, his smile, his eyes staring at you. Not a single dark cloud, not a single thunder.
«Your angel» he lowly murmurs. It makes you leave more wet and passionate kisses on him.
«My angel?» you ask in a whisper, looking at him and expecting to find him with his eyes closed. Surprisingly, he’s staring down at you, straight into your eyes. And his gaze makes you weak.
«Your angel» he repeats. He’s lost into your eyes, making thousands of promises that he’s going to keep. You smile at him.
«Can I?» you ask, kissing the elastic of the sweatpants. The action makes him stiff for a second, but when you kiss his stomach again you can feel him relax under your touch. He lightly tightens his fingers into your hand, making you look up at him again.
«I don’t know how to-»
«Ssh, don’t think about it. You just have to relax. I’ll take care of it» you kiss his hand. Taehyung takes a deep breath and you feel the need to reassure him as much as you can before doing anything else. That’s why you kiss his lips more, and more and more until when you part all you can see is his eyes free of worries.
«Tae, I want you tell me if something doesn’t feel right or scares you, or you don’t like it. Just tell me and I’ll stop. I only want you to feel good.» you whisper. He gulps and nods, his nose brushing against yours.
Your hands move down his abdomen, passing his stomach and reaching the elastic of his sweatpants again, this time getting inside. You stay with your face beside his this time though, just to make him feel more comfortable as he gets used to the feeling. His lips part open when you lightly touch him through his boxers, letting out a deep guttural moan after a second. It makes you hold your breath, you can feel your panties soaked already.
«Is it okay if I stroke you like this?» you ask in a whisper. Taehyung bites his lips, looking down at where your hand is moving. The picture makes him even more aroused, something he’s still not used to, a feeling he’s still not able to control. He breathes heavily.
«Yes» he answers. You do it for a little more, until Taehyung is the one to ask for more. It’s not enough anymore, and that feeling of neediness is back again, the one that wants to feel you as close to him as possible. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for exactly, but he just tightens his hold on your hand again. His eyes begging as they stare into yours.
«Please» he asks. You smile at him, kissing his lips once more and then putting yourself between his legs again. You’re afraid that asking him to help you by lifting his hips might hurt his wings since he would have to put weight on his back, so you try to lower his pants on your own. Taehyung wishes he could help you, but he realizes that he really can’t.
«Wait»
You stop as soon as you hear him, hoping that you didn’t do anything wrong that might’ve made him uncomfortable.
«Just take them all off. You’re going to fight with the underwear too later» his cheeks are reddish but he looks into your eyes anyway. You let out a breath of relief and nod, biting your lips.
It’s all magical, from the way your fingertips graze across his skin to the way his breath becomes unsteady. His yellowish skin is soft and you feel the need to lay kisses on every single inch of his body, burying him with love. Taehyung tries to help you as much as he can by placing the heels of his feet still on the bed, whining when his back and wings hurt so much, it feels like they’re going to break his back just to come out.
You immediately remove the both of them to not make his pain go to waste, and as fast as you can you place a hand on his chest to tell him to lay down. As he does so, you hover him. Kisses across his jawline, on his neck, on his shoulders, on his lips. Taehyung never felt so loved and cared for in all his life. All the pain he’s going through washes away with your touch, with your breath on his skin.
«I love you» you whisper «so much»
His member twitches, Taehyung’s cheeks burning red as he gets used to the new feeling. You can feel it under you, pressing on your sex as you leave a new kiss under his ear.
«It’s okay» you reassure him.
His hands move without thinking too much, just feeling the need of doing so. They go under your shirt, lightly stroking your skin and leavening invisible caresses that are going to be stuck with you for the rest of your life. They make you shiver as you close your eyes, and Taehyung smiles because he can see from your expression that you like it. You like his touch on you, his skin so close.
«Can I?» he asks lowly. You nod helping him remove your shirt, immediately doing the same with your trousers and letting them fall on the floor. Taehyung stops breathing for a few seconds. Seeing you like this makes him think that you’re something bigger than himself. He loves you, not just like he loves everything else, not only more. He loves you at the edge of every cliff. He loves you at the edge of love, at its greatest peak, at its greatest height. You are love. The meaning of it, the root of its tree and the tree itself.
His hands caress your skin, his hot breath hits your neck and his lips kiss your ear and your cheeks, your neck and your shoulder, until they reach the strap of your bra. He looks at you, but you just have to smile to make him lower it. Helping him, you reach behind your back to open it, removing your panties too just right after. Everything is so new to him that he feels both scared and excited, his heart pounding.
Taehyung looks at you, asking for permission and at the same time for guidance. He’s insecure about what to do even though he knows what he should be doing. You nod, holding his hand and guiding it on your body. Taehyung never felt so alive, so passional, so breathless.
Watching you close your eyes as his fingers touch your skin and bring you pleasure, holding your body so close, he realizes that he doesn’t need anything else. Not in this world, not in this universe, not in this endless life of his. Being the one who gets to feel you like this, watch you in such a fragile, vulnerable state. Taehyung wonders, while he touches your skin, what the future looks like for you two, together. He wants to make you his, forever. He never knew he was going to feel like this, not even in a billion years. He was happy before, but this… is something totally different, even for an angel. After all, maybe even angels have angels. Maybe you’re his. And with that thought, he kisses your neck. Wet kisses that mark your skin with their sweetness, he smiles as you stroke his hair and hold a fist of them in your hand. He whispers how much he loves you in your ear, every kiss is a promise.
«Are you my angel?» he whispers as he kisses your jaw. You scoff lightly.
«If you want me to» you let out. Taehyung laughs softly, the most beautiful melody you’ve ever heard. It makes your stomach take turns. He looks deeply into your eyes as you smile at the sound of his laughter, and seeing them sparkling makes him realize that you both are the same soul. The lights illuminating your eyes are the him of now.
«I love you» his voice breaks, suddenly full with emotion. Taehyung didn’t realize that his eyes are full of tears. They hide the pain of having to watch you from afar for all that time, the questions he used to ask to himself of who he was and if he was made in the right way, just for liking a different specie. They hide the pain of someone who’s been scared of himself and the world around him, of someone who gave up, cause it’s okay to do so sometimes. They hide all their love for you, all his efforts, all his questions, all his answers.
He gulps harshly, a tear coming out from the outer corner of his eye and then flowing like a river into the forest of his hair.
You hold your breath. Taehyung needs love, and you’re more than welcome to give him some. You lay on his body, your head resting lightly on his hip as you kiss his skin.
«Its okay, I love you» you comfort him, whispering. You watch him close his eyes at your words, your kisses giving him shivers.
«I’m sorry I-»
«Don’t be, Tae» you smile at him.
«Are you feeling emotional?»
«A little bit» he makes you smile.
«Me too» you admit, tickling his skin and making his toes curl. Silence fills the room as you hear the sound of his breath and let him relax a little. You can’t imagine his nervousness in this moment. You are more than nervous too, but you guess that for him, it must be really nerve breaking.
«How do I do… What am I supposed to do?» his voice is low as he speaks, eyes not meeting yours and cheeks red.
«I’m sorry I don’t…»
«Tae, baby it’s okay» you smile softly.
«It’s okay to ask, don’t feel sorry or embarrassed. Remember that it’s me» you whisper, kissing his hip bone. His cock twitches beside you and you smile at the sensation of pride you feel growing in your chest. Taehyung’s cheeks are even more reddish than before, but at least you get to look into his eyes now.
«It’s me» you repeat, staring right deep into them.
The new feeling is weird for Tae, how his sex seems to have a life on its own, the feeling of neediness in his body, the fact that his mind is craving for something more too. But he doesn’t mind it, at all. He’s just nervous and extremely emotional. He nods slowly, watching you as you get up from his body. Seeing your body naked makes his mind travel to places it’s never been before.
«Do you mind if I touch you? I’ll be gentle» he gulps, nodding again.
The silent seems to become louder in the room as you look at his reaction while your hands reach his naked waist. Slowly caressing his skin, you stroke him and leave a few kisses down to his hips again, until your warm breath hits the sensible skin of his cock. Taehyung’s eyes widen as he sucks in a deep breath through his teeth, the feeling already intoxicating, toes curling. You glance at him, and when you see him looking down at you so close to his cock, all you want to do is make him feel good. Make his first time enjoyable and special is all you want, making him fell comfortable and taken care of. This is something you’re doing together, it’s special only because it’s him, with you.
«I love you» you say, just before leaving a kiss on his shaft. Taehyung’s eyes close immediately, the feeling already too much to handle.
«I want you to tell me anything, okay? If there’s something you’re not enjoying or that’s making you feel uncomfortable, if you want to stop. Anything, okay?» you leave another kiss, this time on his cockhead.
Taehyung groans, not able to hold back. Head sinking in the pillow and eyes shut, teeth biting his lips. He looks absolutely sexy, so breathtaking that it makes you shake your head in astonishment.
«Do you like this?» you let another kiss on his head. The answer comes right away, another moan, deep and incredibly husky. You feel yourself throb at the sound, Taehyung’s hand coming down to your shoulder.
«Can- Hhmph… please hold my hand» he murmurs, eyes still shut. You smile at him, immediately holding his hand tight. His long fingers lock with yours, fitting so beautifully together that you feel the need to kiss his hand too. Taehyung smiles when you do so, releasing a heavy, shaky breath. You carefully watch his face as you wrap the other around his length, taking in the sudden change of expression on his face. His mouth falling open again, eyes shutting and lips biting at his lower lip a second later. Taehyung never felt so good, so physically on the edge but thrilled at the same time, the adrenaline running through his veins makes him dizzy. Your warm hand around him, so tight and soft, makes him feel extremely vulnerable, and he suddenly realizes how much he trusts you. He’d put his eternity in your hands, he’d do it right away, with his eyes closed.
Your movements start and he can’t hold back himself anymore, moaning deeply and buckling his hips. It feels oddly good, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He never felt like this, he never experienced anything similar to the bliss he’s feeling right now. Knowing that he trusts you so much to let himself experience this with you, makes your heart accelerate. He looks totally ethereal and sinful at the same time, you’re not sure of how that can be possible.
Taehyung has the best of you. Just like you’ve got the best of him. And as you kiss his shaft and his head, watch him dip his teeth into his lip and sink his head into the pillow, groaning softly, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe this was fate from the very beginning. You wouldn’t want it in any other way.
«Y/N» he holds the sheets in his fists.
«It’s… oh-» the moan that comes out of his mouth fills the air, the ache between your legs only intensifies, your eyes fixated on him.
«It’s intoxicating…» he huffs. You smile, your movements speed up as he shuts his eyes and falls deeper into the new feeling. It’s thrilling, to see him like this. Lost in pleasure, his naivety still completely visible every time he looks at you or moans, surprised by the new sensations.
«Does it feel good?» you ask, kissing his head again. Taehyung’s cock lets out a few drops of precum, and your mouth opens on its own. Your tongue caresses gently his skin, licking his juice. Taehyung’s eyes open at the new feeling, looking straight down at you. The view makes him moan once more, he never knew he could feel so good and greedy all at once. It’s intoxicating, from the way you look at him to the way you stroke him and kiss his skin. Your hand moves slightly faster, and you smile at him again.
«Is it okay if I use my tongue?» you ask. Taehyung nods, unable to speak. All he wants to do is surrender. To you and your gentleness, your soft hands and caring words, to your love. With his permission, you open your mouth again, going from the base of his shaft to his cockhead with the tip of your tongue. It makes his toes curl and his eyes roll backwards.
It’s too much to handle, it feels too good. His expression, his moans, the way his body moves make your mind go blank. You never thought someone could reach this level of sensuality.
«Can I take you in my mouth?» you gently ask in a whisper. Warm air coming out of your lips hits his cockhead, and Taehyung tries to imagine the feeling of what you just said as he holds back another moan. His cock twitches in your hand, and he feels to out a soft, low whine, totally surrendering to you. It’s all so new and thrilling for him, and he thinks that he will love every second of it, but wouldn’t it be uncomfortable for you? Or worse, hurt?
«In- your mouth? Isn’t it- won’t it hurt you? Are you-»
«It won’t» you cut him off before his thoughts lead him to feeling self conscious or create problems where definitely there aren’t any.
«It doesn’t hurt baby, I enjoy doing it, you don’t have to worry about me» you kiss his hip bone, softly and romantically. Taehyung’s chest is burning, for both the excitement and the pleasure, suddenly loosening up and feeling more relaxed.
«You enjoy it?» he asks lowly, pouting at you, the umpteenth reminder of his naivety. To see such an angelic expression on his face when he’s totally naked in front of you with his cock hard and leaking with precum makes you smile even more.
«Yes»
«How… is it possible?» he furrows his brows. The vision is too much too handle and you end up leveling up to his face. You kiss the tip of his nose, softly, then his lips. His lashes flutter a few times as he still has his eyes closed.
«Cause I enjoy a lot making you feel good» you reveal in a whisper on his lips. Taehyung holds back his breath for a few seconds at your words, now understanding. When he opens his eyes, he pouts even more as his cheeks grow red. You leave a kiss on the side of his lip, totally drunk of him, endlessly drunk of him.
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
We were ships in the night
I'm wondering
Are you my best friend
Feel's like a river's rushing through my mind
I wanna ask you
If this is all just in my head
My heart is pounding tonight
I wonder
If you
Are too good to be true
And would it be alright if I
Pulled you closer
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
Night, night
This night, words aren’t enough anymore. Taehyung never felt so warm, he never knew he could feel like this. Someday, in the wind, even if my heart flies, I’ll wait for you, he thinks. He tells you a million tiny things that you have never known, it all gets tangled up inside, he tells you a million little reasons he’s falling for your eyes.
In this moment, he sees you. And it all comes around as he believed. With your love hugging him, it’s as if all he went through, all the darkness, all the rain finally stops, you shine on him. Your light’s the only thing that keeps the cold out.
-
If only the abstract could be really represented, depicted for once. If only love could be shown in some kind of really concrete way.
We would see all kind of things, everything and anything, the brightest colors and the darkest blacks and whites, rain, thunder, snow, rainbows and sun all at once. However, in Taehyung’s land love does become something concrete.
It’s deep at night when Jungkook tosses and turns, his usual spot on the grass suddenly doesn’t feel like it’s always been.
A new kind of feeling fills him and that place up, a new kind of energy he’s not good at recognizing. It makes him open his eyes in the dark night, suddenly brighter. An odd light welcomes him, rays of sun shining on the lawn when there should be the moon and the stars lighting up the sky. They hit the ground and break the darkness with a straight line, and right under it where Jungkook looks, a miracle happens. An expanse of flowers of all kinds, colors of all shades, flowers of all kinds of families, they grow as fast as the wind and and blossom as soon as the light of the sun hits them, and as the rays grow and touch anything that is visible, so does the stretch of the flowers. In a moment they become so much that it becomes too hard to see the end of them, where the expanse finishes and the normal field begins again. It’s simply impossible.
The night in Heaven doesn’t come back that night, it’s night but the sun shines cheerfully. Angels awake from their dreams in the middle of the flowers, looking and flying around to understand what changed, what is happening and why. Until, they do understand. Taehyung fell in love. They all can see it from above the clouds, the affection and fondness you both feel for each other.
It’s impossible not see it, not when it becomes concrete in front of their eyes, under their feet, right on the ground.
Oh, how beautiful it is, how monumental, how heartwarming it is to see the effects of love, to see how really it is, to see it grow and blossom and take all over you, live without your permission and just be love.
However, sadly, love it’s not always free.
The angel falls asleep, but he will never wake up again. What’s left of him, only a few feathers, when you wake up the next morning.
-
When he opened his eyes, dark was the only thing he could see. His body felt stiff, bones cold and wings heavy, but strangely, birds were chirping not too far away. The sound of the waves filled his ears, something soft touching his forehead.
«Open your eyes, my messenger»
A deep voice filled every space of Heaven, heard from any cloud and every flower. Angels stopped their games, mermaids came to the surface of the water, even the waters of the Pearly Waters stopped their path.
The light that followed right after just confirmed everyone’s thoughts.
Slowly, his eyelids raised. His gaze was hazy, eyes burning fighting to stay open, the brightness making it even harder.
«The flowers that have flourished tonight gave your love away, my angel. As much as Heaven is big, almost all of it is full of the prospers of your love. And I know it is pure, but it cannot exist.» the voice spoke again, Seokjin looked at the scene in front of him in dead silence. Taehyung was laying in the air, surrounded by sparkling dust that certainly didn’t seem like the one coming from the river, his body still as if he was paralysed, wings looking lifeless. No one could see behind that light, not even the clouds from above looking at it.
«Your nature doesn’t allow such emotions, both carnally and emotionally. Angels cannot cherish one more than the other, they cannot love one harder than the other. Your nature was compromised by such feelings, and your body did not recognise itself anymore. You are dying, my sweet angel.»
A tear stained his cheek, all the angels looking from both afar and close lowering their heads in grief for the angel almost dead in front of them, for his wings and his soul. Teahyung’s eyes couldn’t bare to stay open, too tired and heavy to keep looking at the shining light.
«You broke all the rules of your duty, and for that you have to be punished.»
There was already silence before those words, but after them it was like even the silence itself fell even more quiet. Never, in an uncountable amount of years and endless time, something like this happened.
The angel’s body was called to the light, it was seen moving in the air as if it was weightless, the dust around him still sparkling as it moved him closer. The cold in his bones was replaced as soon as he moved just the slightest, the warmth that followed right after became too much to bare in just a few seconds, resulting in a burning heat that made him cry in silence. His eyes didn’t cry tears though, blood stained his cheeks as his wings lighted up. A little sparkle of fire, soon became a blaze, all of his feathers burning until the heat and the fire eventually reached the bones, taking them down restlessly. He wasn’t even able to think, the pain being too much to bare as it tore him apart more and more and more each second, his skin burning, aching, his flesh and his bones torpified by the pain, totally numb as the fire took over.
«This angel won’t live anymore. However, your love was pure as love itself, and I cannot punish you for that. My punishment can just go as far as my principles and beliefs take me, and nature would’ve taken care of it in a matter of days if I wouldn’t be doing it now. You will no longer have wings or be an eternal creature. Your emotions had already decided your fate as an angel long before you had committed your carnal sin. If you were able to love and cherish just one that much deep, I am sure you will be able to live as your lover does too.»
«From this moment until the time you will die, you are no longer my messenger, Taehyung. You will live your life as a human and your death will be the time when we will meet again.»
-
«On my pillow
Can't get me tired
Sharing my fragile truth
That I still hope the door is open
'Cause the window
Opened one time with you and me
Now my forever's falling down
Wondering if you'd want me now
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
Night, night»
You smile as you walk into the living room, your husband holding your newborn in his arms, swinging her slowly, softly and lovingly as he looks at her with endless adoration. His back shows the signs of your love, the proof of how much you cherish and care for each other, deep scars of a past life that was once there, every time you look at them you remember the light tingle that his feathers used to elicit through your skin, the shivers that used to fill your bones at the contact with their softness.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
We were ships in the night, night, night»
He sings the words written in the letter he once just wanted to live on your desk, that time he came in by the window and intended to leave right after, his intention was to guard you from afar. He sings the words he wrote for you, the insecurities he felt during that sweet night as he looked at you sleep and he wondered about himself, about his nature, about his feelings. He sings the song you were composing when he first heard your voice, only the words were missing. He sings your love for each other, how he was able to fill your world and make it better just like he did with your song, he sings your life to your daughter.
«I'm wondering
Are you my best friend
Feel's like a river's rushing through my mind
I wanna ask you
If this is all just in my head
My heart is pounding tonight
I wonder»
You sometimes wonder too; how would it be now, without him. If you didn’t fight. If he didn’t fight. You sometimes wonder if this would be really happening now if that wasn’t the case, and the answer leaves your heart empty every time.
«If you
Are too good to be true
And would it be alright if I
Pulled you closer
How could I know
One day I'd wake up feeling more
But I had already reached the shore
Guess we were ships in the night
Night, night»
Taehyung thanks himself as he looks down at your baby and feels your soft touch on the skin of his back. His eyes filled with happiness become half moons as he turns around to smile at you. He thanks himself for fighting for the both of you, for letting go of his doubts and for risking it all, because after all this time and after all he’s been through, after all you’ve been through, he would still do it again. He doesn’t care if he’d have to go through it once, twice, three times, endless times more, he’d still do it all again. He’d walk through hell and back for the rest of his life if that meant that even a second of his next one could be spent by your side.
«Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
We were ships in the night
Night, night»
-
It’s midnight, dark sky and lonely streets. The air is still, light and empty. A normal person wouldn’t see it, in fact she doesn’t. But Jungkook does. He sees beside her white hair, what is happening in the air, just above the empty pillow at her side. It’s one of those shows you only get to see once in a lifetime, if you’re lucky. It doesn’t happen often for energy in an another space to be this strong and loud, to manifest itself like this, in a total different universe.
He must have loved her a lot, he thinks. The beautiful white sparkles are only visible for his eyes, a clear sign of what it’s happening in another world.
But the door is closed now, and there’s no way to get back.
Soon though, you will meet again, because you know that your husband is waiting for you, in whatever galaxy or universe he is right now.
Whatever the world, heaven or space; Taehyung will always wait for you.
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Taglist: @lavientae @taebangtanbabe @jjeoncha @hellbornsworld @anjcrbnll
Oh god, I'm doing this so I just know that I have read this amazing book. I thought it was going to be a sad ending but nonetheless, it still got me crying
I love it so much. Thank you author for this<3
My heart is full🥹🥹
