Everytime I feel sad, I think of Sherrif in the unreleased short
hello vonnie
will byers stan first human second
almost home
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸

pixel skylines

oozey mess
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
noise dept.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
occasionally subtle

JVL
art blog(derogatory)
KIROKAZE

Kiana Khansmith

Kaledo Art
Peter Solarz
Keni

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styofa doing anything
seen from United States

seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from Singapore

seen from United States

seen from Venezuela
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seen from Germany

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@squidneyg02
Everytime I feel sad, I think of Sherrif in the unreleased short
Austin Powers + Inspector Gadget because.
So, I have an AU...
hes going apeshit lol
Some people can take second best, but I canât. I look upon it as a defeat. If youâve got the taste for being number one, then number two isnât good enough.
Happy Birthday Freddie Mercury - Born 5th September 1946
The fact that Monty answered "do you know anyone super cool?" with "I think your Mother is at the salon." Shows this man has top tier respect for his wife.
"y'all aren't even a good duo" literally us:
Let me consider this canon
[Those emotes and their awful quality]
[Lemme know if there is better ver available somewhere <3]
Taking a ride with the kids!
Anyone: *sets fire to something*
First Doctor: what on earth do you think you're doing, my dear?
Anyone: *nervous* uhh...
First Doctor: you're doing it all wrong! *pushes them aside and proceeds to burn a house down*
mel when krusty starts venting to him about his 3456th divorce, a weird rash, rehab payment, and something mean his dad said two minutes before their showâs about to start
hi.
Something Exciting (Reverend Lovejoy x Reader)
Summary:
From the day he first noticed you, he knew you didn't belong in Springfield. He never meant to fall for you as hard as he did; God must be tormenting him for something but he had no idea what it could be.
Ships: Reverend Lovejoy/Reader
Content Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 10.3k
â đđđđđđđ đđđĄđ... â
Things so rarely changed in Springfield. The members who filtered through the churchâs doors never really differed from week to week. It was one of the reasons he noticed you, standing just outside the entrance and leaning against the door frame to listen.
He couldnât make out your features, saw nothing but the red of a skirt as the wind rustled by and he turned his attention elsewhere.
You stayed for the majority of the sermon but disappeared as he began on the final prayer like a strange ghost. Even after you disappeared, the reverend still glanced toward the entrance as he finished his announcements, still scanned over the crowds as they gathered on the church lawn.
He didnât ask Helen about it though he knew his wife would probably be the most likely to have answers. If heâd imagined you, heâd rather not have people talking about how he might be losing his mind.
The next week, once again, you appeared halfway through the sermon â slipped through the open door and stood just inside the building.
Now he could confirm you were real and certainly not from around town, he stared a second too long. Though his words continued, his gaze locked on yours and so did the ever-watching eyes of the front row who always paid a mite too much attention to his mannerisms.
It was almost cartoonish how they looked back in sync to see the newcomer who immediately ducked back out.
He almost rolled his eyes at the situation. If they wanted to encourage greater attendance at church, it helped not to gawk at people who might have entered late. Of course, he complained at those heâd met who arrived halfway through but you were new.
And it immediately turned into the main discussion once everybody filtered out. Helen asked just about all her friends if they had any idea who she might have been and the topic of his sermon went forgotten.
Though, to be honest, he scarcely remembered it himself.
âSheâs not from around here,â Helen said the second they got in the car. She looked more awake than usual, only eager to speak about her information. âI asked around and nobody has friends or family open. Do you think sheâs looking to move in? We might have a new family joining our flock.â
âI suppose she could just be a tourist,â he said slowly.
âIn Springfield? Donât make me laugh.â
âAnythingâs possible.â
Anybody who visited the town got bored of it quickly though. Heâd seen you for two Sundays in a row so it seemed Helen might be right.
She smugly informed of such at the dinner table that evening. âIt looks like she might be moving into that empty house close to the Flanders. Apparently, she was being shown around a few days ago by a real estate agency.â
âDidnât the woman who lived there die a painful and drawn-out death?â
âWell, yes but that probably means itâll be available for a very good price. I canât say sheâs off to a good start if she disrupted the service like she did.â
By the time the next week rolled around, it appeared the town had already grown bored of its newest citizen. He spotted you hovering once more beyond the doors and considered inviting you to come take a seat. It couldnât be too comfortable standing outside in the sun and listening.
As he was thinking of doing so, you slipped through the doors and took a seat at the very back, practically hidden in the darkest corner.
He gave a small tilt of his head in acknowledgement and continued, refocused his attention on nothing so nobody could ever accuse him of being too enthusiastic about what he preached. The last thing he needed was to invite another Ned into his life.
After heâd stepped outside to speak to all those who needed him (fortunately not many) and to bid his wife goodbye before she headed out to a brunch with her friends, he returned to find one person hadnât quite moved. Your eyes still trained on the stained-glass windows, hair twisting in the light breeze.
He cleared his throat and you startled.
âOh, Iâm sorry, I got carried away looking at the windows,â you said and hurried to stand. âIâll make my way out.â
He held up his hand. âNo need to rush. If youâre searching for guidance, youâre more than welcome to spend your time here. Unless you find the doors locked which they will be from five to seven.â
You laughed and toyed with a strand of hair. âI wasnât really praying, per say. Iâve just been admiring the windows for a few days now and I wanted to see how they look from the inside. The design work is phenomenal.â
He raised an eyebrow, curious. âI can hardly imagine anybody would visit the same building for three weeks just to look at the windows.â
âYouâve noticed?â
âIf youâre going for inconspicuous, you ought to find a better hiding place. May I recommend behind the pipe organ.â
You laughed and your shoulders relaxed somewhat. âIâm sorry for hovering, really. I wasnât trying to be secretive or anything but Iâm still trying to get a proper feel for the town.â
âYouâve recently moved in.â
âI got a job nearby so I had to. Iâve explored most of the areas now but something about the church kept calling me over.â
He nodded solemnly. âSeems the Lord might be calling for you then. Our sermons are open to any who have willing hearts. You donât need to hide in the shadows at the back of the hall.â
You laughed, soft and sweet. âIâm afraid Iâve grown rather fond of the spiders though.â
He glanced past you to see that there were a fair number of webs there. He sighed. It really was impossible to keep this place clean. Though Helen sometimes helped (and he refused to let Ned near him for that long), it felt continuously dirty.
âTheyâre as welcome as anybody else I suppose.â
You smiled and straightened your clothing which were likely to end up in the gossip mill around town if anybody saw them. Most of the woman took it upon themselves to enforce a rather strict modesty rule in the church that he never really cared too much about. They certainly wouldnât approve of any of the outfits heâd seen you wearing.
Maybe that was why you hadnât approached any of the others in town yet. Something might have warned you about their more judgmental nature at times.
Your gaze flicked to the windows once more and you smiled. âPrayingâs never really worked before. Maybe itâll be better this time.â
âThe Lord answers us when we need him to,â he said, his answer almost instinctual. Heâd needed to respond to so many with the same sentiment that he only paused when your expression fell somewhat.
âI guess thereâs no harm in trying,â you admitted. âThank you.â
And you left so quickly he didnât even realise he hadnât gotten your name. He glanced at the spot youâd been sitting in and wondered if he should try and get rid of the spiders before deciding it wasnât worth the effort. If they bothered you enough, youâd probably eventually chase them by yourself.
The next time he saw you, he finally got your name.
Heâd always considered Helenâs friendship with the Flanders rather unfortunate because it meant even more exposure to them than he wanted. The frequent bowling was, at least, one of the better options when it came to spending time with them.
Helen noticed you first, sitting with a small group that he only vaguely recognised. Certainly not churchgoers but perhaps your co-workers? You did appear far more comfortable with them than you did in any other interaction heâd had with you.
âIsnât that your new neighbour, Maude?â Helen asked.
Maude gave a small smile. âIt is. Sheâs quite lovely, you know, just very quiet. The boys always want to go and play with her dog but to be entirely transparent with you, Iâm weary of letting them. Iâve never seen the animal so I donât know what breed it is and some can be a little more inclined to bite than others.â
They probably wouldnât be happy unless it was the size of a chihuahua but he didnât say anything. The family feared just about everything.
âQuiet is one way to describe it,â Helen said. âNobody knows anything about her except how she works in the accounting department for that horrible Mr. Burns and you know the standards of people he has working for him.â
âRather unfortunate that he provides employment for half the town in some way or another,â he remarked dryly.
âBut there are still plenty of places to work which donât involve helping such an evil man,â Helen said with an affected shudder. âI still remember when he stole the sun.â
âShe canât be too bad though,â Ned said as he chose his ball. âNot many young girls like her willingly come to church. I invited her to come sit up front with us just the other day but she said she preferred her spot in the back. Not sure why but as long as sheâs hearing the good word, Iâm just chuffed sheâs there.â
âMaybe she likes the spiders,â he drawled and met three very confused looks before he realised it didnât make sense out of context.
Thankfully, Maude saved him from having to explain when she raised her hand to wave you over. You stepped away from your game and strolled over to say hello â clad in an ill-fitting bowling shirt that had to be loaned from somebody. Yet despite being a few sizes big, it somehow suited your look.
âHey there neighbourino,â Ned greeted cheerily. âDidnât know you bowled or I would have invited you to come with.â
âOh, thank you but I donât really bowl. A few guys from work invited me out so I thought I may as well give it a shot. They loaned me one of their shirts too but itâs a bitâŚâ You pulled on the side to emphasis its size.
Ned laughed and nodded. âWell, if you end up enjoying it, you are more than welcome to come with us sometime. Say, have you met the reverend and his wife properly?â
Your gaze flicked to him and for a second, his mouth felt a little dryer than usual. You offered the same nervous grin you always gave him and finally provided him with a name before you shook his hand, grip featherlight.
âYou work for Mr. Burns from what I hear,â Helen said after sheâd introduced herself. âThat must be so much fun.â
âNot really,â you admitted. âItâs pretty boring. I mostly keep track of expenses around the nuclear plant and try to limit them where I can.â
âDoesnât really sound like the type of job you move all the way to Springfield for.â
âItâs not too bad. I didnât have any real roots back home so when the opportunity presented itself, I just took it.â
âReally? No husband? Kids?â
You shook your head. âNeither.â
Helen laughed and nodded in understanding. âDonât worry, youâre not missing much. My daughter has been causing so many problems lately. I feel like Iâm getting a call from the principle on a daily basis.â
âHelen,â he said softly, pleading with her to quieten.
He knew she loved all gossip equally but he preferred it when it didnât surround his family. He certainly didnât need to form a reputation as a poor father around every newcomer to town. It was bad enough they had to constantly shell out money to replace whatever Jessica stole or broke at school.
You shifted your weight awkwardly. âYou have a daughter? Thatâs lovely.â
âSometimes but you know, sheâs a bit much. I can only hope sheâll grow out of it.â
Maude nodded in agreement. âIâm hoping my two will get a little stronger as time goes on. Theyâre so sensitive to everything and Iâm worried they wonât be able to handle the real world sometimes.â
Ned placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. âDonât worry Maude, theyâll be fine.â
You smiled and mentioned returning to your game, clearly somewhat uncomfortable with the conversation. He watched you for a little bit before he returned to his own bowling, content with no longer thinking about anybody new in town.
âShe looks like she came from a big city,â Helen said, breaking his illusion. âThey all have the idea theyâre better than us in some way.â
âI think sheâs just shy,â Maude said with a small smile. âShe helps out where she can.â
He could mention how long you sat in the church after sermons, eyes trained on the windows, but he imagined that might cause more interest. Part of him was curious as well. It sounded like you might have moved away for more than a boring job and an empty house.
Maude was right though. You showed a keen interest in helping when the next Sunday, he drawled, âIf you keep staying this late, Iâm going to sign you up as a volunteer.â
You immediately asked what it entailed, which was a problem because he didnât actually have much for a volunteer to do.
Maybe heâd misread the situation. Maybe you werenât praying for some salvation or escape â perhaps you attended the church because you were bored. You certainly seemed eager when he found a few tasks you could help with. Take attendance, help clean some of the building, and do some research on topics for the next service.
You helped him set up the pipe organ when it needed tuning and gave ideas for small events the church could host to bolster attendance. It was actually very helpful but you arrived whenever you could and he started to wonder.
âI do hope Iâm not taking you away from your actual job,â he said one day when he arrived to open the church and found you sitting against the locked door, a book in your hand.
You stretched as you stood, the edges of your shirt rising up above your hips just enough to notice. âThe only thing Iâm missing out on is lounging around at home. I donât have too many things to do in town just yet.â
âThereâs always walking your dog,â he commented.
âOh, I donât have a dog. Iâve been thinking of getting one though.â
He frowned but didnât comment on it. What were the Flander boys chasing after if not a dog?
âIâm so glad youâre here!â Helen said excitedly and handed you a rather large box of baked goods that had been donated. âWe need to make sure all of these are appropriate before we set them out. Last month, somebody put toothpicks in a few of the cupcakes to âhold up decorationsâ and children can get badly hurt by tricks like those.â
You smiled somewhat nervously and he just opened the church doors.
Maude and Ned arrived somewhat later and your discomfort only grew as more people arrived after them and the church grounds became more crowded than they had been at any sermon.
The church hosted this bake sale to raise funds every month and most families brought goods to be sold. The Simpsons had been banned some time ago but occasionally they still slipped in so Helen was on constant watch.
He had a headache before the first hour had even passed.
He noticed when you disappeared into the main building, promising to come back soon with something or the other. When you didnât come out again, he took an opportunity to follow, curious if nothing else and more than willing to take advantage of a brief break from having to speak to people.
He found you buzzing around the announcement board as though looking pointlessly for something. âAre you alright?â
You startled and gave an awkward smile, quickly snatching the poster for the bake sale off the wall. âSomebody was uh, looking for this. They wanted to know what time it would be running until.â
âI see.â
You tried a smile though it really came out more as a grimace but didnât seem willing to leave. Instead, you turned your attention to the board again. âI noticed there was an auto show next weekend Saturday. Do you know if itâs like a weekly thing orâŚ?â
âItâs once a year,â he said, glancing at the poster to note where it said annual. âThey have more than cars.â
âOh, thatâs pretty interesting.â
You took a deep breath and smiled. âRight. I should probably get back out there then.â
He watched you take two steps before he impulsively asked, âWould you be interested in going?â
âSorry?â
âTo the show,â he clarified. âI have a spare ticket if you did want to.â
Your excitement bubbled up slowly. âI mean, I would definitely want to but I donât know if Iâll even have the day off. Iâd have to see if Iâm needed on Saturday.â
âWell, let me know.â
He didnât know why heâd lied. He didnât actually have a spare ticket â heâd only bought himself one knowing that Helen wouldnât really be interested and more likely wanted to spend the day with her mother.
Yet when you approached him toward the end of the sale and asked if the offer was still available, he didnât find himself exhausted at the idea of buying another ticket.
He only later realised how it might look if he took you alone and begrudgingly took the phone to invite Ned and his family. It was lucky that people had been fairly generous with their donations lately because he ended up buying an additional five.
âItâs for the highest attendance rate to sermons,â he explained when Ned asked why the sudden invite. âBased on how long theyâve lived here.â He quickly added the last part.
It wasnât too busy and she looked more excited than he anticipated, early discussing some of the cars with Marge and showing the kids somethings theyâd like. The awkwardness youâd had was fading and he found himself somewhat happy to see it.
âReverend?â
His title in your voice startled him more than heâd expected it. Had you ever called him that before? No, most certainly not. He rather liked the way you said the word.
âYes?â
âNed mentioned youâre quite fond of trains. They have a whole section for some older models if youâd like to go see them next?â
He agreed and followed you through the thin crowds, ignoring the strange fluttering in his chest. Must have been something he ate. The Flanders split off for a short while to see if they could find healthy food for their kids and you followed him around curiously as he appreciated the trains.
âI do prefer the model versions,â he admitted. âBut theyâre very impressive at any size.â
âDo you create your own tracks and backgrounds?â you asked and he nodded proudly.
âI do. It takes hours of dedicated work but itâs mostly worth it. So long as I donât get distracted and end up accidentally ruining any of my trains.â
You hummed, interested and he began to offer small pieces of interesting information about the various trains. You listened with rapt attention, occasionally giving input but otherwise listening as though he was giving a small sermon though considerably more passionately than he usually did.
âI actually rode in one of these to Springfield,â you said as you passed one of the trains. âIt was quicker than driving but I didnât want to leave my car in the back alone so I stayed with it.â
âThatâs some dedication for a job.â
âAnd a house. I technically inherited both just from different people. I was already sort of working in the industry so I had the experience and I wasnât tied down anymore.â
âFortunate.â
âI know. There are benefits to being alone sometimes.â
His instinctive reaction to your mood dip was to give the standard response; tell you the Lord had plans and all you needed was to trust him. Yet something stopped him from giving the default sentiment.
âWell, arenât you unlucky to have made so many friends here then?â
You laughed. âI havenât made that many.â
âIt seems as though youâve charmed quite a few people in this town.â
âWhat about us? Are we friends, reverend?â
There was his title again and the strange discomfort in his stomach. He gave a small hum in answer. âI imagine so.â
Helen looked ready for a fight when he arrived home. Accusation seeped through her greeting as she crossed her arms over her chest. Luann had phoned to ask if she knew her husband had been spending time with another woman and sheâd had to lie to say she already heard about it.
âMy mother and I would have come with,â she said. âIf you bothered to invite us.â
âYou have no interest in going usually,â he pointed out. âBut if you would like to join us, you are more than welcome to next year.â
She huffed. âI donât want to go but if youâre going to be flitting around with some woman outside our marriage then the least you can do is tell me. Do you have any idea how wild the rumours would go?â
He tried his hardest not to look too exasperated. More than half of those stories came from her. âIâm surprised none of them have started wondering if weâre divorced given how often we fight in public.â
âEverybody has marriage problems in this town,â she said with a wave and a small laugh. âIâd say weâre the most stable of the lot.â
âThatâs not a good thing.â
âWe wouldnât fight so much if you werenât so cold, you know,â she said. âEverybody talks about it already. Youâre more interested in those trains than you are in me.â
âThe only possible way people would speak about that would be if you told them.â
âI have to talk to somebody when youâre not around.â
She was right, he supposed. Heâd tried back when they first got married after her senseless gossiping gave them no other option but heâd grown less caring when nothing built the relationship properly. If they spoke nicely to one another, it was only about other people or the church.
And sometimes, he really didnât want to speak about the church anymore.
âI am around. We live together.â
âYouâre also boring, Tim, alright? Talking to you sometimes is like listening to nails get dragged down a chalkboard slowly. Why do you think everybody falls asleep constantly or runs away? Youâre not fun. Youâre not interesting.â
âYou certainly didnât feel that way when you told all your friends we were getting married barely a month into dating.â
She rolled her eyes dramatically. âOh, donât bring that up. You said it was fine because we both wanted it.â
âMaybe if Iâd had the time to date you for a little while longer, I would have changed my mind.â
He hadnât snapped in ages and the frustration brewed beneath his skin. The regret came almost immediately but Helen stared at him with almost no care. Then came the realisation of how little she worried about his sentiments and with it, a stab of hurt at the lack of interest she showed even now.
âI donât want us to earn a reputation for being unhappily married,â she said. âNot unless it comes from me first. Otherwise, everybody in town is going to be talking about how Iâm not satisfying you.â
She wasnât and he felt he might not be providing her with any happiness either.
âI havenât done anything with her,â he said.
And Helen scoffed and waved her hand. âI donât care if you have or havenât. Visit every tramp in town if you really want to but at least allow me to be the one who spreads the story.â
He didnât even know how to respond to it.
The days after that argument stretched out like they never had before. He spent all of his time on his trains or making up excuses to go to work. They werenât speaking. She barely glanced at him in passing as he stalked past the kitchen.
His bad mood followed him around like a cloud, dark enough to even ward off Ned for the majority of the week. He walked the dog so many times it eventually lay down and refused to get up until he left. When he overheard Helen discussing their fight with somebody on the phone, he decided to just leave the dog and walk by himself.
And, because God wanted to make his life harder, he walked right past you.
âYou got a dog,â he said after he found no way to escape after exchanging quick greetings.
âI did. The boys next door kept trying to pet some weird raccoon living in my backyard so I thought this might help them avoid getting rabies,â you said with a laugh. âAnd I get some company so it works out.â
âThatâs always good.â
He shouldnât hover near you too much if he wanted to shake the remarks but there was something soothing about speaking to you.
âI didnât know you walked in this neighbourhood,â you admitted. âWeâre pretty close to my place and I know sometimes Ned can be a little overbearing.â
âEver so slightly,â he said slowly. âI walk sometimes when I need to clear my head.â
âOh, of course. Maybe I could interest you in a cup of coffee?â
He wanted to accept. It sounded far better than strolling around aimlessly but Helenâs accusatory tone still lingered in his head and as he looked at you with your soft smile, he felt uneasy.
âNo, no. I have choir practice to attend.â
âAt this time in the evening?â
âThe Lord doesnât sleep, you know.â
âHe should try it sometime,â you commented with a smile. âBut before you run off, I heard thereâs actually a restaurant inside a train in town. Iâm sure youâve been there a few times before so you must know if itâs any good.â
He knew exactly which restaurant you were talking about. âThe food is alright, I suppose. Nothing special.â
âAw thatâs a shame. I guess I canât surprise you with a dinner there,â you said with a tease and for a second, he faltered.
âTrust me, I was just as disappointed when I found out,â he mused.
âIâll find somewhere else.â
He spoke before he even thought the words through. âI look forward to it.â
When he got out the car on Sunday, Helen swept around to link her arm through his and plaster on a smile as though theyâd had a delightful conversation rather than a surly drive over. It wasnât the first time theyâd done this; heâd expected it to happen. He couldnât help but feel it might be disingenuous.
He repeated his sermon from the previous week and not many paid enough attention to notice as he guessed. Heâd done it before when he forgot to write something.
Helen walked out the church with him but instead of returning to assist with anything else, she disappeared with Luann without a word. Heâd expected that too as well as needing to reassure Ned that his repetition was intentional.
You were sitting inside still, as you often did before helping organise anything and he loosened his robes as he walked past.
âStill here?â he asked. âWindow-gazing again?â
âTheyâve grown pretty boring,â you admitted with the slightest smile. âBut I have to hang out with the spiders or theyâll think Iâve forgotten them.â
âCouldnât have that.â
You got up to follow him to his office, collected all the smaller pieces as you went and dug out a lost coat from nearby. âThis belongs to Luannâs kid,â you said. âIâll drop it off tomorrow on the way to work.â You were glancing at him from the corner of your eye before you continued with the question you surely wanted to ask. âHowâs your week been?â
âLiving is a continuous trial,â he said. âItâs how we prove our faith to the Lord.â
You grimaced. âMust have been quite taxing if you reused a sermon.â
âSurprised you noticed.â
âI listen,â you protested with a good-natured smile. âUnless Iâm late but Iâve gotten better at that, you have to admit.â
He actually couldnât remember when last youâd been late to his service. You leaned against the corner of the desk, relaxed and easy. He realised you were likely waiting for instructions of some sort but he didnât really have any.
âMaybe this week will be better,â you offered sympathetically.
âI wouldnât count on it.â
In two days, they were due to call Jessicaâs boarding school and get an update on her which always resulted in a fight. They disagreed on what to do about their daughter frequently and it spiraled into an argument about everything. Sometimes, he felt entirely unaffected by it but other times the emotion he forced down crept up again.
He shook himself free of his self-pity when you made a small humming sound. âEverything alright? You look⌠odd.â
He didnât actually know what to make of your expression. Somewhere between nervous and upset; you kept thumbing at the corner of the libraryâs bible where it sat on his desk.
âAre you taking confessions now?â
You clearly meant it as a joke but his curiosity didnât let him laugh it off. âI donât usually but as long as youâre not going to admit to murder of any kind, I suppose I can try to offer my advice.â
âOh no murder, just a slightly odd compliment.â You leaned a little forward as though you had a secret to share. âI donât attend the church to hear about the bible. I just like listening to your voice.â
He scoffed at the idea. âI imagine you were suffering from insomnia or some other form of sleep deprivation.â
âNo,â you said with a laugh. âIâm sleeping perfectly well.â
âThe Lord does work in mysterious ways. Perhaps he gave you an increased tolerance to his glorified sleeping tablet.â
âOr you just make it interesting.â
âI doubt that.â
You quirked the corner up into the small, humoured smile you so often did. He couldnât help but return the expression despite his mood. He appreciated your softness more than he wanted to admit; caught himself staring at you for a second too long as he thought over the idea of somebody wanting to listen to him.
His gaze met yours and you tilted your head to the side. âI have another confession, if you want to hear it.â
He should have stepped away when he noticed the whispered implication. Should have remained steady and reminded you he didnât take confessions. Should have done anything but kiss you.
The soft, startled sound you made tasted sweet on your lips; your arm immediately wrapped around his neck as you returned the kiss passionately. He pressed against you, lost himself in the warmth of your mouth and the arch of your back as you steadied yourself against the desk.
One of your knees slotted between his own and the brush of your thigh made him groan. You twisted his tie to pull him closer still as you began to loosen it; rolled your body against his.
Finally, his brain caught up with what he was doing and he broke the kiss harshly. He stared with lips slightly parted as he tried to steady his breath.
He had so many âcorrectâ responses to give. Part of his mind was already urging him to pray for forgiveness. His guilt crawled up the back of his throat as he considered asking you to leave and you were bracing for that response. He could see the weariness in your gaze even if your eyes were heavily lidded and your lips kiss swollen. His tie hung in your hand.
He kissed you again with purpose and your soft moan shoved that guilt down once more.
You lifted yourself onto the desk, wrapped your legs around his waist and dragged him even closer. The perfume lingering on your skin was almost overwhelming. He buried a hand in your hair and gave a small tug to encourage your head back so he could trail kisses over your throat while you deftly undid the top buttons on his shirt.
The phone started to ring. You twisted your head away to glance at it but he caught your lips again; ignored its shrill for a few moments longer to lose himself in your softness before he answered it, your noses still brushing against one another.
âReverend Lovejoy speaking,â he said and hoped whoever was on the other side didnât notice how breathless he sounded.
He wanted to hang up the phone and go back to whatever it had dragged him away from. The bottom of your shirt had ridden up like it so often did and this time, he didnât have to ignore it. Heâd been ignoring many things about you.
Nedâs voice sliced through the spell like a knife and he straightened, moved ever so slightly away from the temptation of your lips.
âReverend, Iâm having a bit of an issue here. I think we might have hit a possum but the little guy scurried off before we got a good look. Iâm just shaking with guilt not knowing if the poor thing got hurt or not.â
His own guilt crept back into his mind at the reminder. His response was short and clipped, something about Godâs will, but Nedâs call felt too much like an accusation.
Yet despite that, all he could do was stare at you with your hair messed up and your gaze filled with happiness. A silence stretched out and all he could focus on was the press of your thighs against him. The consequences later would be the same thing if he kissed you again and he really, really wanted to.
But you spoke before he could do so, your voice breathy. âWe shouldnât be doing this.â
âCertainly not.â A lie wouldnât work if he wanted to but the admittance went without any move to disentangle himself from you.
âYouâre married.â
âTechnically.â
âOnly technically?â
âIt wasnât too many days ago that my wife told me she didnât care if I slept with every woman in town as long as her friends didnât find out.â
The bitterness snuck into his voice though he tried to keep it neutral. Theyâd never had a trouble-free marriage but something about the admittance of that hurt the most. Heâd imagined she cared somewhat about what he did. Heâd been wrong.
You muttered a quiet breath, not really knowing how you should respond to that. Had he kissed you just to get back at her? No. That kiss had been building for a long time.
But whether true or notâŚ
âYouâre right,â he admitted. âRegardless of how Helen and I might fight, we are married in the eyes of the Lord and, perhaps more importantly, the church. If anybody thought I was having an affair, attendance would plummet.â
You winced but though you looked guilty, neither him nor you made any move to separate. He could feel the way your breath tickled his cheeks. If he wanted to, it would take no time to close the distance again. He did so briefly, his lips merely brushing against your own for a second that didnât feel long enough.
âI donât understand why Iâd have these temptations if theyâre supposedly wrong,â you said quietly. âSeems rather unfair.â
âI think most churches agree the devil is behind something like this.â
âI donât believe that. Some things feel wrong but not this.â
He couldnât deny your words. Youâd been slowly drawing him to you from the day you first arrived, listened when he spoke and genuinely shown interest. If heâd been a younger man, a more unattached man, heâd have fallen for you in a second.
Even now, he worried he might have done just that when all he could think about was how soft your lips were.
You shifted away and he used the small strength it gave him to finally break whatever hold you had on him. His tie fluttered to the ground and you moved to pick it up, folding it around your hand and placing it gently on the desk.
He wanted to reassure you, smooth away the worries that were causing you to frown.
âSorry,â you said, the word a strange break in the silence.
He was too. âWe wonât speak about this again,â he said, forcing his voice to stay monotonous. âYouâre welcome in the church but I think I can get along fine without further assistance.â
âOf course.â
You left quickly after that and he slowly sat back in his chair, picked up his tie and ran it through his fingers. He couldnât go back on anything now. Heâd married a woman who gave him no solace and then fallen prey to temptation. Temptation with its sweet taste and gentle words and casual conversation.
Was it lust alone or was it something entirely worse? His emotions were running far deeper than a simple physical appeal.
He put the tie in one of his drawers. He could still feel the taste of your lips against his skin.
You didnât come back to the church. He hadnât expected it but something still looked wrong when the back corner sat with spiders alone.
It didnât matter if you were out of view though, his dreams more than made up for your absence. He prayed every night for forgiveness and yet you waited for him the moment he fell asleep, filled with laughter and flattery that left him yearning.
Was this his punishment? To feel the ghost of your fingers across his chest when he woke up in the middle of the night, his heart pounding in his ears. He couldnât imagine what else it might be. The Lord certainly wasnât giving him any help with getting you out of his mind no matter how much he asked.
Helen wanted to know why youâd stopped coming by the church and he gave no reason though even the mention of your name felt nerve-racking.
If anybody noticed something was wrong with him, they didnât mention it. He kept telling himself to hold out and wait for God to guide him in the right direction but when Flanders invited him to dinner, it felt like the divine was mocking him.
He steered his gaze away from your house when they arrived and almost dragged Helen through the front door to remove the temptation. The discussion was as dry as ever until Ned chuckled nervously.
âSomething on your mind? You look very contemplative.â
He cleared his throat and brushed the concern off with a, hopefully convincing, wave. âNothing too interesting. Iâm merely considering how the lord helps us through all lifeâs troubles.â
Unless it was forgetting about the woman who lived next door. He could see her windows behind Ned if he tried to.
As ridiculous as it was, he wanted to speak to you about this. It felt as though nobody else would be able to offer him the advice or the acceptance he knew heâd get from you. Maybe if he took you out to that dinner youâd joked about a few weeks ago and he could just listen to your stories about work, heâd feel far better about it.
âMaybe if you focused more on him than your trains, heâd give you some better advice,â Helen said and he got dragged back in the conversation.
Did she really want to have this conversation now? In front of people who she knew valued their church sometimes too much.
âI sincerely doubt the Lord has a problem with my trains,â he said. âOtherwise, I wouldnât have been able to buy them in the first place.â
He could think of you in the same way, he imagined. The Lord guided you to Springfield and to the church. Nobody just wandered in to listen to a random sermon without his hand gently nudging them there but then that would mean the Lord allowed him to be tempted.
This was a dangerous line of thought.
Helen rolled her eyes subtly but not enough for anybody to miss it. âWell, at least itâs not as bad as what I hear Homer Simpson has been up to. Am I wrong in thinking he got fired yet again and is starting a new career venture?â
The question was directed at their hosts and Maude nodded her head. âItâs true. The noise from their house has been ridiculous but we always remember to just wait it out and see what happens. Often times, itâs less than a week before he somehow gets his job back.â
âReally, I wonder what kind of role model heâs setting for those children,â Helen said. âItâs just such a shame.â
âWe shouldnât judge,â he reminded her though he knew the words mattered not. Heâd tried too often to get through to her with such reasoning. âWe have no right to do so.â
âItâs not judgement,â Helen insisted. âIâm just worried about all the young and impressionable children around the neighbourhood. I couldnât sit by and let them grow up believing that you can get through life being so lazy.â
The children of Springfield had far more issues than role models but heâd rather not fight so he just gave her a small head nod before he went back to his food. He imagined sheâd continue speaking to Maude and the living room light behind them had just flicked on meaning you were home.
âAre you ignoring me?â
He turned his head back to the table, realising all eyes were on him. âNo,â he said quickly, answering his wife without thought. âI was simply looking for a possible topic for this weekâs sermon.â
She crossed her arms, staring at him with a disbelieving glare. âWhat are your options? The importance of being a good listener?â
âI was thinking more about the dangers of trivial gossip.â
Her eyes narrowed even more. âKnowing whatâs going on around town is necessary. It helps us make sure we talk about relevant topics and keep our kids safe.â
âThere arenât any threats to the kids,â he said and Rod and Todd immediately sighed massively. Those two listened a little too seriously to the adults in their lives. It was why they were so panicked about everything.
âThere most certainly are. Just look at what happened to Jessica. Sheâs such a smart girl you know and perfectly lovely but she fell in with the wrong crowd when she was younger and now look. Itâs nothing the Lord canât fix but itâs been so hard.â Helen swiped away non-existent tears from her face as she glanced at the others.
âOh dear,â Maude said and immediately pulled her into a hug. âHas she been getting into more trouble at school?â
âShe always does. Itâs so hard on you as a mother to have a daughter who behaves like that. I tried my hardest to raise her right and I still donât know where I went wrong.â
âIt wasnât anything you did wrong,â Maude said reassuringly. âNobody has ever said children are easy and I know youâre doing your best. At least youâre not alone in this.â
âSometimes it really feels like I am.â
She sniffed and dabbed her eyes and, though he knew he ought to feel sympathy for her or at least, irritation at her comment, he felt nothing. Jessica got worse by the day and nothing they did seemed to have an affect on her. The boarding school would undoubtedly throw her out again soon and then theyâd need to find another.
They were all watching him, trying to tell if he would comfort his wife like he should or at least defend himself against her comments. He simply turned back to his food and tried to pretend the light wasnât shining in his eyes.
Helen never cried unless there was somebody to witness it and give her sympathy. She was fine the second she realised he wouldnât indulge her now.
He could really use a drink.
The Flanders kids didnât eat dessert and instead begged for a movie which Helen happily agreed to join them for. She continued the front of the neglected wife until she grew bored and then immediately went back to talking about the nearby Simpson house while he slipped out the back door.
He knew he shouldnât but he found himself walking toward the smaller house with its large maple tree and overgrown flowerbeds. Every step felt heavier than the last as the sounds of the movie gave way to small crickets.
You were lying beneath the tree on a picnic blanket, gaze on the sky and your dog at your side. He nearly left purely so he wouldnât intrude but then you lowered your attention and met his eyes.
âHey,â you said, a little confused. âArenât you missing your dinner?â
âI was just taking a break from it.â
You laughed. âRight. Ned can be overwhelming at times. Iâm just waiting for the coffee machine to finish.â
He hummed and leaned against the fence. A gate led between them, likely how the two boys had continued to make friends with the racoon in your garden. He had no reason to want to open it.
âWould you like a cup?â
He should say no and return to his dinner party. Somebody would notice that heâd disappeared soon and, knowing Ned, might even lead a miniature search party looking for him.
Instead, he opened the gate and stepped through quietly.
Your house looked somewhat different than he imagined with blankets draped over the couch and too many appliances cluttered on the cabinets. The dog followed you in and sprawled itself over the tiled floors, forcing you to step over it to continue with your mission of making coffee.
âI wasnât meant to sit outside tonight,â you admitted after youâd handed him a mug. âNed invited me but I thought itâd be better to stay home. Couldnât help myself, it seems.â
âI can hardly lecture you on self-control when you were in your backyard.â
âEspecially not if I pretend that I had no ulterior motive.â
You hopped onto the kitchen counter, sitting with your back against the window as he leaned against the wall. It felt too personal to properly sit down but your choice of seating brought a slight flush to his cheeks.
âThe church has been missing you,â he said, hurrying to change the topic and failing.
âIâm taking a small break from religion,â you said with a small laugh. âIn case I get hit by lightning or something for only going to see the hot reverend.â
He scoffed but the flattery warmed his chest dangerously. This was precisely why he should have avoided coming over here. You were too good at making him want to start caring about things beyond the church. Too good at making him want to care more about you. He shouldnât encourage it.
But you wanted his company and that was something he liked. You didnât want him because he represented your faith or because you thought he provided you with some strange superiority.
You simply wanted to sit with your ankles crossed and a near-constant warmth radiating from your chest as you enjoyed your coffee.
âWas that too much?â you asked and he realised heâd been staring.
He shook his head. âThe Lord brings us all to him through different means. If you come because youâre one of the few who enjoy listening to me speak, then thatâs as good of a reason as any.â
âYou have one of the biggest churches in town,â you pointed out. âIâm sure there are hundreds of people who enjoy listening to you.â
âMany attend church out of obligation and fear rather than desire.â
You pursed your lips as though laughing at a quiet joke. âSome would say that desire isnât really the right reason to visit church.â
He rolled his eyes and pretended his cheeks hadnât turned slightly red as he sipped his coffee. Had you ever made coffee for him before? He didnât think so which meant you either guessed perfectly or youâd noticed when heâd made his own coffee.
âEither way, youâre still welcome to attend,â he reassured. âIt forces me to come up with new sermons every week.â
âI wonât tell anybody if you donât.â
You were right there and nobody else was around. If he wanted to make those damn dreams of his stop, all he needed to do was fulfill them, right?
His name being called stopped him. That was Ned. He regretfully placed his coffee on the table and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Was the man constantly trying to cause him as many issues as possible?
âIf you go through the front door, you can tell them you were just returning my dog,â you said as you slipped off the table. âHe gets out sometimes to flirt with that strange-looking scrawny one from down the street.â
It would be a good enough excuse. She opened the front door and he stepped through, hesitating for a second as he caught the desire to kiss you goodnight, as though youâd spent the evening together rather than a clandestine coffee after he ran away from a dinner party.
But you simply wished him a goodnight and closed the door, leaving him to deal with a flustered Ned in peace. At least your excuse worked.
He knew what he needed to do and before he prayed that night, he hesitated before he asked for guidance. Something like this would pull his reputation to pieces but it would be the right thing to do.
Helen didnât look up when he walked into the kitchen the next morning as she paged through a book.
âWe need a divorce.â
He said the words before he thought about them but she didnât cry or get angry. She simply looked up at him and shrugged. âWeâve needed one since the first day you started playing with those ridiculous trains.â
And that was the end of the discussion.
He didnât know how to feel about her admitting that she didnât want to be married anymore either. His sermon two days later felt more awkward than ever as he looked at every member of his flock. How would they react if he admitted to getting a divorce? Would they shun him for such a thing?
To make things even worse for his train of thoughts, you slipped in about halfway through and took your seat in the back. Heâd have lectured anybody else for being tardy but he just tripped over a word, leaving you to giggle.
He smiled, the smallest quirk of a grin, and this time, Helen noticed.
Sheâd probably been on high alert since his request but her head snapped back in an instant, her gaze locked on you and her lips pressed into a thin line.
After the sermon, they made it less than a minute into the drive home before she turned to him, far too smug for the situation.
âI knew it was her,â Helen said. âI guessed from the day she first showed up in this town.â
âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â
âIâm not stupid, Tim and youâre not subtle. Youâre just lucky that everybody else in this town is practically brain damaged and havenât noticed how you stare at her like some dog with its favourite bone.â
He could argue against it but even if he took offense to her comparison, he knew the right thing to do was come clean.
âIâm sorry.â
She rolled her eyes sharply. âWell, I suppose you did keep it mostly quiet. I havenât heard any rumours going around town yet. I told you I donât care if youâre sleeping around as long as that information stays here.â
âI havenât slept with her.â He didnât know what else to say. Defend himself or protest what she thought he would do. Though if it hadnât been for that phone callâŚ
âWhy not? I mean, I guess she is very pretty so it makes sense that she might be looking elsewhere or did you start talking about trains in the bedroom again?â
He glanced at her, momentarily confused to find her genuinely making a joke. How many years had it been since she started a rumour just to marry him and move to this town? All the effort she put into crafting her image, thrown away so she could laugh about his possible affair as though it meant nothing.
âDonât look at me like that,â she said. âReally, can you blame me? Youâre so miserable all the time and the least you can do is make my life somewhat interesting. Give me more to talk about than how I sit in the house all day while my husband stares at toys.â
âTheyâre not toys.â
Helen waved a hand. âWhatever they are. I wanted to move away from that stupid house because I was bored and itâs been the same thing for the past, however many years. Iâm still bored.â
He couldnât help but feel bad about that. Heâd never promised her a life filled with excitement but he knew she dreamed of it when theyâd been younger. Maybe he could have been more interesting but he liked his life as it was: calm and peaceful as he could get it.
âYou really havenât slept with her?â
âNo.â
Helen sighed. âThatâs far less thrilling. Nobody will think my life is thrilling if my husbandâs simply looking at another woman.â
âYouâd ruin everything if you started spreading this around town,â he said, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.
She hummed and stared from the window. âI mean, it would be worse for you than for me but true, I donât want to give the opinion that Iâm an unwanted woman. Obviously, Iâm not but I canât allow anybody to try use it against me. Still⌠I do wish I had something more fun. Everybody elseâs lives are filled with controversy.â
Since moving to Springfield, it had felt as though he was surrounded by a constant barrage of interesting characters â people whose lives could fill a thousand episodes of a television show without getting boring.
The most exciting thing he could say that heâd done in the entire week was rebuild part of his model when it got a little faded.
He glanced at Helen and sighed. âI kissed her. Once.â
Helen immediately snapped to him, looking far more interested. âI knew it! Was it on the day you two went to that little fair?â
âNo.â
âWas it when you disappeared from dinner the other night?â
âNo. I still donât understand why you want details about this. We swore vows.â
She waved her hand through the air. âYes, but these things are just so thrilling. Youâre not the only one in this marriage whoâs⌠considered other options.â
He stepped on the breaks a little too hard, the betrayal hitting him unexpectedly. This entire time, all the guilt and the concern were for nothing. She didnât care about their marriage. She didnât care about them.
âTim, at least pull over if youâre going to be hypocritical. Youâre blocking the traffic.â
He restarted the car, apologised to the drivers behind him, and tried not to think too hard about how long it had been since his marriage started drifting this far apart. It had always been slightly based on pretense but surely it hadnât been like that from the beginning.
âWhen?â
âOnce or twice over the years. You could hardly expect me to continue along when my husband cares more about trains than me. Iâm not going to wait around and be ignored for years when there are others who show interest.â She giggled at the end as though recalling something.
âI donât ignore you.â
âDonât lie to yourself. The only time we stop fighting is when we arenât talking to each other. Do you even remember the last time we slept together?â
He didnât. Maybe six months ago? More? Helen often initiated those moments more than he did and as time went on, heâd grown less and less interested in her suggestions. Perhaps he should have considered it as a warning.
âWhat do we do now?â
Helen hummed thoughtfully. âWell, if you want to do me a favour, you can always let me call her out in the church. Iâll make a big scene and everything. People will be coming over for weeks to offer their condolences and Iâm sure not too many people will hate her.â
âAbsolutely not.â
Helen sighed. âFine. I guess weâll just continue pretending nothing happened. What else are we going to do? Get a divorce?â
They arrived at the house but when Helen got out, he didnât move. His knuckles were turning white around the steering wheel as he considered his options. He could follow her into the house now and accept what she offered â pretend nothing had happened and continue doing things in secret. With Helen on his side, nobody should find out.
But he wouldnât be happy and really, neither would she. God was far too merciful to force either of them to suffer through a relationship they wanted.
Helen looked over her shoulder at him, her hand on the knob of the front door.
She gave him a small smile and gestured for him to go, walked into the house, and closed the door behind her. He put the car into reverse without a momentâs hesitation.
You were home, he could see your car in the driveway as he parked alongside it. He knocked on the door as firmly as he could manage, constantly glancing over his shoulder as though expecting somebody to pop out. Why did this feel stranger now that heâd solved things? How long would it be until visiting you would be normal?
He really hoped it would be soon.
You opened the door, exasperated initially but expression quickly morphing into a smile when you noticed who it was. Sometimes, you looked at him as though he made your entire day better just by arriving.
âHey,â you greeted. âSorry I took so long to get to the door. Some of the kids around here are being incredibly irritating. I think theyâre bored but honestlyâŚâ You rolled your eyes affectionately. âHow can I help?â
âIâm getting a divorce.â
You went through at least ten different expressions before you settled on one, still blinking a little. He should have taken some time before reaching that part of the conversation.
âOh. Do you want to come in?â
Your dog raised its head briefly at his entrance but promptly went back to snoring. He hovered uncertainly until you took a seat on the couch, following your guidance and then just staring at you and hoping the words came to mind.
âHelen and I got married because she told some of her friends we were sleeping together. We werenât but I decided to salvage both our reputations and I thought it would be something we both wanted.â
âWas it?â
âNot at all. It would seem both her and I lied in front of the Lord that day when we swore our vows. Iâm not the only one with a wandering eye, from what sheâs said.â
You winced and he recognised the flash of acknowledgement in your expression. Things clicked together slowly.
âYou knew.â
âNot for certain,â you hurried to defend yourself. âBut I admit I was curious where I was circulating in the gossip hub. I heard some things about Helen through it and I didnât want to believe them, really. Of course, I canât judge given the uh, main reason I asked in first place.â
He groaned and dropped his face into his hands. How had he gone for so long without noticing how truly unhappy everything in his life was? Heâd constantly thought it was just something he had to handle; heâd made his choice and now he had to accept whatever came with it.
âIâm sorry,â you said. âFor what itâs worth. I was stupidly selfish.â
âYou werenât the only one. It appears Iâm quite the fool.â
You smiled and shook your head. âNo. I wouldnât say that at all though I admit, Iâm a little biased when it comes to you.â
He chuckled, a small sound without much humour. âAt least Iâve realised now. Weâve all made mistakes and the Lord will surely forgive me this one and then⌠after everything has quietened after the divorce, perhaps we can go somewhere together?â
âIf we donât wait long enough, people might guess there was something between us.â
âTheyâll know. Helen isnât very good at keeping secrets.â
âRight.â
He raised his head to watch you. âDoes it bother you? That people might know about what happened?â
You thought about it for less than a minute before you shook your head. âNo, not really. Iâm just happy that I can be with you in any sense of the word. Even if weâre just friends, Iâll be thrilled.â
There was no way you would be his friend. He reached up to brush your hair away from your face before he finally kissed you once more, sweet and soft. You hummed pleasantly against his lips and he relaxed, sure now that heâd decided correctly even if it wasnât going to be easy.
When he arrived home and placed the papers in front of Helen, she looked down at them and started laughing. His shoulders tensed but before he could worry, she pulled an identical copy from her own purse.
It was the first time theyâd laughed together in years and he actually felt a strange excitement he hadnât experienced since first moving to this town.
Behold! More Ig Textposts!
Once again! You are more than welcome to draw these as long as u credit :)))
weâve all heard of twink death to dilf birth but i raise you dilf death to twink birth







