Weird. Whacky. Wonderful.

'Even The Best Fall Down sometimes.'

[squishiikiwii]

mindslikeours

[dancinq]

I want to see how sick people are. Reblog if you have ever been bullied physically or mentally. Ever been called a name. Cried at night. Ever been cyber bullied. Just reblog if you have been bullied.

[squishiikiwii]

The Doctors..

Tuesday morning, A foggy cold morning, walking to the doctors at 8am,  I saw a good GP, one I could trust. 

I explained to him my worries of BPD, I explained to him the quick mood switches, the episodes of rage, the feeling of emptiness, the constant feeling of worthlessness, the low days, the highs, the anger, the upset. The memory loss, the dissociation and the depersonalisation. 

The GP agreed that I match the criteria for diagnosis, and gave me the number for self referral for the mental health team. 

I couldn't believe it. Walking home was like walking down a long and daunting dusty trail on the road to no where. 

I got home and called the mental health team. The lady I spoke to was lovely, she took all my details and the traits I was showing, pretty in depth, she was incredibly understanding and told me my traits are very common within personality disorders. When I had finished giving my list of traits she paused, as if she was reading what she had put. She then responded with 'Well, basically all you really need is a written diagnosis then isn't it'. She then told me that a clinical assessor would call me back as soon as they could to speak with me a bit further with regards to my traits. 

I am still awaiting the phone call from the clinical assessor but, I am hoping on this journey I will be able to find the answers I need to the unanswered questions I have in my life about my past and be able to put the past behind me and move on with my recovery. I cannot do this until the questions are answered, this is not going to be a smooth, easy nor fresh road to recovery. 

An open mind, an open heart and a clear spirit is the key to success. 

[squishiikiwii]

BAM! ....Bombshell.

Why is it that you can't see things that are screaming at you? Is it because you don't want to see it? Or may it's because your mental state doesn't allow you to see it for what it really is? 

This evening me and a friend of mine we're chatting away, talking about uni assignments and things, then we got on to the ever lasting subject of mental health, we both have conditions and we're not afraid to talk about them (hurray for Mental Health comfortability!!) We got on to the subject of Dialectal Behaviour Therapy which is commonly used for personality disorders but also used for other disorders too, she told me she shows all the traits for Borderline Personality Disorder, so I checked them out because that is one of the disorders I don't know much about.  I've logged on to the Mind website and read the traits to BPD. I re-read and re-read. I turned to my partner Callum and asked him if any of these sounded like me, because lets be honest, after 6 years of living with someone, you get to know them pretty well! As I'm reading them out he's marking them down if they are applicable.  I ask him what I scored. 6/7. I read the top "A Doctor will most likely assess you for Borderline Personality Disorder if you are showing 5 or more of these signs". 

I sat there for a while, staring.  Then realised, this has been going on for longer than I thought. It explains so much. I then said to Callum, I want to book an appointment for the doctor tomorrow, but I want to see a doctor I can trust. Callum stated that he is going to be with me 100% of the way when I fall he will be there to pick me up and when I'm up he will be there to enjoy the good times. 

This is a massive step in my life and I am scared, I am anxious and I am possibly relieved to know that I may not be the person with the 7 mental health conditions but instead 2! 

I will be blogging each step through this long, scary, unknown, anxious journey.