Freeing Your Fic of Epithets: A Workshop
Not too long ago, I talked on my blog about how epithets (”the taller man,” “the younger man”) are not only bad, but completely unnecessary.
I got a couple of responses that were, shall we say, a bit rich in sodium chloride. I was accused of not understanding that some people have to write scenes with two characters of the same gender. LOL well I’ve only written two hundred M/M fics, so yeah, I guess I wouldn’t know anything about those struggles XD
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Epithets are a non-solution to a non-problem. They are speed bumps in prose, forcing a reader to discern which character is being referred to – just for a fraction of a second, but long enough to be disruptive to the experience.
Also, although I love that fan fiction is not bound to the standards of commercial fiction, I do think it’s telling that no professional author uses epithets, and any publisher or editor who receives a manuscript with epithets in them will tell the writer to remove the epithets and try again.
Nevertheless, some people believe that epithets are a preferable alternative to using a character’s name or their pronoun “too much,” on the grounds that this can also be distracting. So I’ve decided to make this post, wherein I, with the help of two characters of the same gender, will show you some sentences that have epithets, and then demonstrate how and why the epithet is unnecessary.
“Bob shoved his hand down the back of Mike’s trousers, cupping the other man’s ass.”
“The other man” is not needed. Just use “his” instead. In the first half of the sentence, we made it clear who was shoving their hand down whose trousers, so in the second half of the sentence, the reader doesn’t need a “hint” about who’ll be doing the groping.
“Bob placed his hands on Mike’s thighs, which thrilled the taller man.”
Okay, I just had to stop reading, go to IMDb, and find out who is taller, the actor who plays Bob, or the actor who plays Mike. Turns out Mike is one inch taller. This could all have been avoided if the sentence had instead read, “It thrilled Mike to feel Bob’s hands on his thighs.”
“Mike heard a gasp from the brunette, the only sound he could muster.”
Super simple: “Bob gasped, the only sound he could muster.” In the original sentence, filtering the action through one of the character’s senses added nothing to the prose. If you wish to use a filter like this, try something a little more evocative instead, like “Bob gasped, the only sound he could muster, and it was music to Mike’s ears.”
“As Bob entered the taller man, the brunette cried out at being penetrated. The florist was worried that he had hurt the barista, but Mike assured the older man that everything was alright and he could keep moving.”
Is this an orgy? How many people are here right now? And why does it matter at this particular moment that one of them is a florist?
Perhaps the above example is a bit exaggerated. But watch as I re-tell this exact action, removing all epithets, without having to use names to an annoying degree: “The penetration was so intense, Mike couldn’t help but cry out. Bob froze, fearing he had proceeded too quickly. With a deep breath, Mike assured him that everything was alright, and to keep moving.”
Hopefully, Mike and Bob have helped me convince you that, if you feel that you have a problem with using the characters’ names and pronouns too many times, epithets are not the solution. Instead, try changing up your sentence structure. Sometimes things can be simplified by breaking a more complex thought into two sentences. Alternately, sometimes a compound sentence will allow you to retain a continuity of action that eliminates the need for naming the characters over and over.
But whatever the case, I always recommend erring on the side of using more pronouns. Once you’ve completed your first draft, give it a couple days (that is, forget the fic a little bit), then go back and re-read. If you have trouble discerning who is doing what to whom, then it might be a good idea to put the character’s name in instead of their pronoun. Names, like the word “said,” are pretty much invisible to the reader. Yes, you can use them too much, but it takes a quite a lot to notice the repetition.
And if you believe that hating on epithets is just “the new trendy thing that’s in vogue right now,” I would like to refer you to this amazing post from 2004 about how epithets are bad. Here’s another, undated but from the LiveJournal era. Here’s an LJ post from 2007 about poor epithet choices that writers make. Here’s a Tumblr post from 2012 on the subject. Also, this essay from 2015 from a professional writer.
Happy writing, and feel free to message me if a particular sentence or paragraph is giving you trouble; I’d be glad to take a look at it. :)
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