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But without you, I wouldn’t have the love of my life.

I’m screaming. Crying. Literally shouting for help but I’m made to feel crazy. Like my feelings aren’t actually real and I hear things they didn’t actually say. But I’m not crazy. I’m trying to communicate and tell them I’m in pain. The kind of pain where you don’t remember what it was like not to hurt. The kind of pain that a blade on the wrist doesn’t stop anymore, you don’t feel the pin prick under your nails or the lighter burns in between your thighs. The pain is trapped inside me and the only way to stop it is to leave my body.

But what happens when you release yourself from the pain? I don’t know if it gets better or it gets worse.

I’m scared.

So for the moment, I’ll tolerate the hurt that resides in this body until Im finally no longer scared.