[codedredalert]

Integration—pt 5/7 [Homestuck, john/karkat]

Part 5, length: 3330 words Author: codedredalert

On Ao3. Part 1,  Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 (end)

Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language,interspecies relationships, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, gam<>kar, the untimely demise of a much beloved mobile phone, a lot of pesterlogs

Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.

A/N: for crabapples97,my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Beta’d by tonguerocker. Polyhedral dice were rolled to determine the outcomes of certain events in this chapter.

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—turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]. –

TG: ping TG: yeah my ping brings all the fuckin boys to the yard TG: except you apparently   TG: were meant to be diamz john bby dont leave me in my time of need

EG: hey dave. EG: … grooooooooan. EG: i can’t believe that you’re doing the quadrants thing too! EG: isn’t it bad enough that all the people in school think we’re together?

TG: what you sayin Egbert are you saying you don’t love me no more   TG: such hurt very ow

EB: daaaaaaaave.

TG: joooooooohn

EB: what did you want to talk about?

TG: right you wanna tell me why karkles has a fucking truckton of empty carbs in a candy empire bag 

EB: no idea. EB: but i guess everyone goes on a junk food binge once in a while?

TG: dude so not the point here

EB: am i missing something? EB: i feel like i’m missing something.

TG: who is the one studying to become a doctor here me or you

EB: we haven’t done troll modules yet, give me a break.

TG: right break given like fucks arent TG: sugar is to trolls what alcohol is to people TG: faygo is the shitty neon troll bacardi 151  TG: now that you have been enlightened courtesy of yours truly take a moment to think about what i opened this convo for

EB: … oh my god, why’s karkat binge eating sugar!?

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[ssjohnkat2014-blog]

My plan is to try to have the last four people who didn't receive gifts, receive them by the end of this week. 

Sorry about the wait, life sometimes gets in the way, me and the other gift-fillers hope for your understanding and will do better to have more help with gifts next year for those who drop out.

Thanks!

[codedredalert]

Integration --pt 3 [Homestuck, john/karkat]

Part 3, length: 3948 words Author: codedredalert Part 1, Part 2, Part 2 notes, Part 3

Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language, interspecies relationships, personal failure, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, hugs are a big deal in troll culture okay

Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him.

A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Beta’d by tonguerocker . Red Johnkat endgame starts now (like finally amirite).

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—carcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB].—

CG: THIS CHAT CLIENT IS WOEFULLY INFERIOR TO TROLLIAN AND I CANNOT, FOR PITY OR FOR HATE, UNDERSTAND WHAT LAPSE OF JUDGEMENT WOULD MAKE YOU CHOOSE TO USE IT.

EB: …karkat?

CG: NICE DEDUCTION, HUMAN SHERLOCK.

EB: i’m confused. EB: like, i don’t THINK i gave you my pesterchum handle. EB: and karkat doesn’t do sarcasm. EB: AND troll names have six letters! EB: who are you and why are you impersonating my buddy! EB: (heheheheheh)

CG: JOHN, JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT SOMETHING IN CURVED CONTAINMENT SYMBOLS DOES NOT MEAN IT MAGICALLY DISAPPEARS FROM THE SCREEN ONCE YOU HIT ‘ENTER’. CG: SHERLOCK IS *CLEARLY* AN ADULT TITLE AND THEREFORE HAS EIGHT LETTERS AS PER REGULAR CONVENTION. CG: AND WE DO HAVE SARCASM. IT’S JUST ALSO CALLED TREADING A THIN LINE BETWEEN TRYING TO BE FUNNY AND ASKING FOR A FUCKING SUBJUGGULATOR CLUB TO THE PAN.

EB: okay, that’s definitely karkat. EB: hi karkat. EB: what’s up?

CG: YOU’RE HOME, RIGHT?

EB: yup. EB: why?

CG: DO YOU WANT HIPSTER COFFEE? CG: YOUR MOIRAIL DRAGGED ME INTO THIS PAINFULLY TRYING TOO HARD ESTABLISHMENT AND NOW ASSURES ME THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE ONE OF THESE SUSPICIOUSLY FLUFFY BEVERAGES. CG: BEVERAGES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FLUFFY. CG: I NOW MUST LIVE IN FEAR OF STUMBLING ACROSS ONE OF THESE GREEN LABELLED MONSTROSITIES IN MY SHARED HIVE. CG: HOWEVER, IF IT GETS YOU AWAY FROM THE RAISED HORIZONTAL NUTRITION PLATEAU, I AM WILLING TO SUFFER IT.

EB: oh, so you’re at starbucks? EB: also dave’s not my moirail, karkat.

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[knightofiris]

SSJohnkat present for mypointis-dolphins!

They asked for Johnkat snuggles and I supplied with Christmas movie snuggles!

I hope you like it!

[codedredalert]

Integration— pt 2 [Homestuck, john/karkat]

Part 2, length: 3267 words

Author: codedredalert

Part 1, Part 2, Part 2 notes, 

Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language, interspecies relationships, one sided blackrom feelings, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck, gam<>kar, linguistics geekery, physical altercation

Summary: The university that John Egbert attends has recently decided that if he wants dorm accommodation for the next four years, he has to share with a troll. He gets Karkat Vantas, who is decidedly annoyed with the new policy, really weird about romance, and apparently in love with him. 

A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014. Red Johnkat endgame I swear. Also, a ton of extra language notes separately here.

[Translations of Alternian in square brackets.]

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“Hey Karkat, I’m turning on the lights, alright?” you call as you pull your shoes off. No response, so you switch on the small lights first.

You nearly trip over a pair of shoes that have four sizes on yours. Karkat’s grey converse are next to them.

“Karkat?” you ask again.

“Hey motherfucker,” someone says from your left. You turn to see a face all white with huge empty sockets and a gaping smile.

“GAAAAAAAAAH,” you yell. In a very manly way. While falling over backwards over shoes and into the door.

The empty black sockets flicker open, showing yellow, before shutting again.

Now that you have a moment to look, it’s a really, really tall troll, with upward, slightly twisting horns like an antelope. He’s wearing white face paint, and a baggy shirt and pants.

The troll waves languidly and growl-click chitters something at you, all low and reverberating.

“What?” you ask.

“’Sup motherfucker,” the troll says cheerfully, then he continues growl clicking in a friendly way, if that made sense.

“Uh,” you interrupt. “I don’t speak Alternian, but I’m guessing you’re Karkat’s friend?”

“Motherfucking yeah,” the troll says with a bright, if lopsided grin. “K’rrk’t ss.” [Karkat is mine and I’m his.]

The bathroom door opens, then slams shut.

“JESUSFUCK, G’mze, hrrst tnnsh’ii god fucking damn it!” Karkat yells through the door. [JESUSFUCK, Gamzee, turn off the lights, god fucking damn it!]

“Hey,” the tall troll replies, not bothered by the yelling at all. “Sya rst, best friend.” [I didn’t [turn on the lights], best friend.]

“Lhrei rst, di’mna sk’rri!” [If it wasn’t you, who was it!]

“Uh, hey Karkat, I’m home?” you volunteer cautiously. “The prof had an emergency and won’t be here this week. I think I mentioned it yesterday?”

“… Fuck.”

“Motherfuck,” the new troll adds way too happily.

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[happyendingsong]

DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO TAKE THAT THING OUT EVERY TIME WE KISS NOW.

i told you, it’s tradition.

JOHN IT IS MID-TO-LATE JANUARY.

happy ss johnkats, woeset!! i’m actually so sorry this is so late, i don’t know what happened. orz hope you have/had a good one!!

[orangelemonart]

Merry (super late) Christmas, Eve! I am your very disappointing secret johnkat santa who took so long to post this orz. I’m gonna make it up to you, there’s some more johnkat coming your way later this week! :)

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[transopossum17]

"JOHN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?"

"its snow, karkat! youve seen it before" 

I know I submitted it to you already but here’s another post! 

hollyjollyturnabout's ssjohnkat2014 gift!

[ssjohnkat2014-blog]

If we haven't received anything, will we just sit tight for a bit?

Yes, there are currently 5 secret santas who have extensions to finish their gifts, and I or they have messaged those people telling them their presents are going to be a bit late.

There are 2 secret santas that haven't gotten back to me yet, but after waiting 8 days after the deadline and sending them several messages, If they don't respond by tonight I will be assigning a replacement secret santa in their place. (If your secret santa was one of these people, I will message you tonight as well explaining what's happening)

So, yes. Please sit tight for a bit, things will work out :) Im going to make sure of it.

[codedredalert]

Integration-- pt 1 [Homestuck, john/karkat]

Part 1, length: 2989 words

Author/Artist: codedredalert

Summary: The university that John Egbert attends recently decided that everyone staying in the dorm has to have a flatmate that’s not their species. Karkat Vantas has a lot of things to say about that. They share a home for three and a half years. Disasters were bound to happen sooner or later, right?

Warnings (this part specific): canon typical abusive language, interspecies relationships, one sided blackrom feelings, alternate universe-freeform, universitystuck

A/N: for crabapples97, my giftee in the ssjohnkat2014.

Hi! Super belated merry Christmas/ Happy New Year, sorry I took so long! This fic is 10k and growing, and I’m drowning in IRL things. I’ll just post it in parts on tumblr, and consolidate, edit and post on AO3 when I’m done if you prefer to wait. Also, this is red Johnkat endgame I swear. Ijustreallylikemyblackromimsorry. I’ll try to get part 2 up soon, but I can’t promise actual dates. I hope you like the fic though!

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The inside of the apartment is dark except for the light streaming in behind you. There are two crescent slivers of reflective yellow at eye level. You squint and can just about make out a person standing just before the squareish room cut to a narrow corridor.

“Welcome, human,” the person growls. He’s got this low, rough voice that’s really interesting. He spreads his arms, and you see the movement, but can’t make out much else. He’s wearing black.

“Welcome,” he continued, “to the complete disaster that is the destined-to-fail exercise of forcing a nocturnal and diurnal species to cohabit the same premises on a functional schedule without killing each other. I am the unfortunate fucker designated as your co-sufferer. Merry fucking Christmas.”

“Hi Karkat,” you say. In the dark, the person shifts.

“What?” he says, suspiciously.

“That’s your name, right?” you ask rhetorically. You happened to see the log thing when you collected your keys, and you’re pretty sure you have it right. “Karkat Vantas. Or am I saying it wrong? Vantahs. Van-tass? Vantas-tic! Heheheh.”

“Rrrrhhhstt, stop. No. Do not mangle my name with your ridiculous hopbeast teeth. Do not so much as fucking look in my direction, understand, human?”

“Wow, rude. My name’s John, not ‘human’. John Egbert, actually.”

“John human Egbert,” Karkat says flatly. “You overestimate how many fucks I give. I give approximately zero fucks. We stay in the same goddamn apartment because of the integration policy this schoolfeeding facility decided to ram up our wastechutes. We are not, and we will not become, human ‘friends’. At the end of our miserable two sweeps here, we will ideally part ways without so much as looking back. After four sweeps, I want to be able to say ‘who the fuck is John Egbert’ and you will not even recall in the vaguest the name ‘Karkat Vantas’. Are we clear?”

“Karkat?” you say, when you think he’s done. “No offence, but you’re a huge weirdo. Anyway, which room is mine?”

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[ssjohnkat2014-blog]

is there going to be some kind of closing post like "thanks for participating have a happy new year" or something?

Yes, definitely! 

I'm still waiting for 2 people to get back to me about gifts, and 7 people have extensions.

After everyone has received a gift I'll send out a closing post!

[hazardgear-deactivated20160111]

Part two of Gear’s ongoing cringe of horror NOBODY SAY ANYTHING. Still for Felinefan, who is lovely.

[hazardgear-deactivated20160111]

[spockandawe]

One more johnkat secret santa picture! This one is for mayohem, who asked for John catching Karkat before he fell into the lava, and yes, I like that idea a lot, what an excellent use of retcon powers. Sorry there was a delay in getting your present to you, and I hope you like it!

[affectionatetea]

HI THERE zzzzzzzo i am so so sorry this is late but I WAS YOUR SECRET SANTA! i saw on your page that you like dancestuck and i also happen to like dancestuck!!! a very lot!! so have some dancing johnkat =u=

John is asking what it’ll take for Karkat to lose the sweatshirt cause it sURE WOULD BE EASIER to practice without a big, bulky sweatshirt in the way!! plus it adds like at leaST ten pounds, seriously! and Karkat is telling him to eat a dick because suck it. suck it is why

[salaciousooze]

FUUUUUUUCK. Hello! It’s your secret santa here with your fic!!! remember how i told you that it would be done by the 29th??? Isn’t it funny how it’s the 2nd and I’m only publishing it now???? IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD. the thing was, i sort of wrote this entire thing out on a google doc on my phone, and then IT DIDNT SHOW UP ON MY COMPUTER SO I SPENT LIKE A FEW DAYS TRANSCRIBING THE ENTIRE THING AND YEAH i’m so sorry i should have told you but i didnt want to disappoint and somehow i thought it would be a better idea if i didnt say anything at all but i suck PLEASE DONT HATE ME 

also. invasion AUs. I’ve never really written one, so this probably has johnkat in the way you weren’t expecting?

WELP. MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS.

p.s. this is only the first chapter there are like three and ill release them tomorrow and the day after just for kicks. 

[insertawesomeusernamehere]

MERR CHRISMAS knightofiris 8D

I only realized that you had asked for Karkat to be tied DOWN and not tied UP after I had pretty much finished the pic so I’m sorry for messing that up. ^^; I rummaged around through your blog to see what kind of BDSM you liked so that I could take a little bit of liberty and add other things you’d hopefully enjoy. Little rumblespheres and collars were the two main things I picked up. I tried, TRIED, to give Karkat a pear shape but it proved nearly impossible at this angle. TwT

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT THOUGH MERRY CHRISTMAS 8DDD