Sam🐍

hiss hiss bitches, here to fulfill you with all things queer and memeingful snap: Sj.whitehouse insta: samthe_snake

[tibets]

[soil-solace-deactivated20210207]

What’s the point of a diary if no one is gonna stumble upon it centuries later and fall in love with you after you’re dead?

[grabdatgem]

Is this a vegan thing? Do vegan bones last longer? i’m confused.

[soil-solace-deactivated20210207]

What on earth are you talking about

[grabdatgem]

Like milk is supposed to be good for ya bones right? But is this like anti-milk/cow product because it stops your bones from coming back to life in the future?

[soil-solace-deactivated20210207]

I need a little more info. Where are you getting milk or bones from in this post

[mutttooth]

Rachel how do so many people read your post as saying dairy and don’t think to themselves for one second they could possibly have read it wrong

[fyeahegerton]

Taron Egerton being hit on by old, British legends (Requested by Anonymous)

[notlostonanadventure]

TARON IS SUCH DADDYBAIT

[ordobot]

He definitely has a type lol

[surprisebitch]

lana del rey would be proud

[pankhearst]

the muppets, 1x01: “Pig Girls Don’t Cry.”

[graphitetroll]

Why did they make me watch Fozzy Bear experience a micro aggression

[sidewindervx]

[backdoorteenmom]

me scrolling down my dash

[topmeladies]

Don’t call me out like this

[fairytrainer]

the most iconic minute in tv history (x)

[its-johnnno-deactivated20230326]

Can’t wait to freeze my ass off outside and then roast to death inside lecture halls in jan

[jadeszr]

my body, my art

[pussyong-deactivated20200810]

[trapcard]

I’m going to rewrite the harry potter series and it’s going to be called Hermione Granger and The Glorious Glock where she gets a gun and shoots voldemort through the skull and then everyone is free to continue their education in peace. It’ll be 3.5 pages long. 

[aerosorceress]

they’re in Great Britain where in the world is an 11-year-old black girl going to get a gun

[trapcard]

the store

[sebto360]

Britain isn’t America. You can’t just walk into a random supermarket and buy a ton of guns. In fact, a gun is several hundred pounds each due to you needing to have a separate license for each one. Then you also need to have it where no one could accidentally find it and if anyone apart from you knows where the gun is, you lose your license and gun. I think it has to be locked up in a position no one will ever find it in.

Pretty much, an eleven year old kid is not gonna get a gun in Britain.

[trapcard]

she goes to a wizard school with a three headed dog in the broom closet.

[failure-to-thrive]

Hermoine isn’t black???

[trapcard]

Yes she is, page 1 line one of Hermione Granger and the Glorious Glock reads “Hermione Granger took her black ass to school” nice try racist. 

[sssamthesnake]

kid: dad whats a 69

dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

[bellygangstaboo]

This person is what I want to be as a parent.

[with-practice]

[blackdenimjeans2]

I’m her

[xeppeli]

[bluu-spectre]

just as advertised

[plants4]

Me: loves to lick the spoon after stirring brownie batter, doesn’t care about Sal Monella, whoever that is

[sssamthesnake]

Leonardo DiCaprio: *names his child Oscar*

Doctor: "Would you like to hold h-"

Leonardo DiCaprio: "Say it like we rehearsed it."

Doctor: *sighs* "And the Oscar goes to..."