[greedbun]

Little bumble bee

In a California poppy

Be merry

Little bumble bee

[sstalecupcakes]

Lmao who are you

[sstalecupcakes]

this year is different

I don't celebrate, I let the days pass

This year is different

I made a choice to say no, I let my family gather for mass

This year is different

Made it for myself to claim the choice as mine

This year, one thing remains the same.

I cry myself to sleep longing for a parent's love that will never come

[catmask]

tbh when i hear some people talk about 'breaking cycles of abuse', it becomes clear pretty quickly who has come to understand that phrase to mean 'since i was a victim of abuse/neglect by my parents/caretaker/s i will do everything to be nothing like them' and that is all. its not a completely flawed way of thinking either - something that hurt you would very likely hurt someone else; through empathy we learn to understand not to hurt others the way we were hurt too.

but what 'breaking cycles' looks like is more complicated than just not being your parents/caretakers - it's about recognizing how the things that happened to you changed you and how you can heal so you don't hurt someone else in turn. the survival skills you learned in an unhealthy enviroment often translate to poor if not unhealthy interpersonal skills in an enviroment where things ARE safe.

its a difficult pill to swallow for a lot of survivors of abuse (trust me, i know) because we have a tendency to simply want our pain to be recognized. by painting yourself as "absolutely nothing like my abuser" you can abstain from recognizing your own harmful tendencies and live comfortably in the role of victim hood for the rest of your life. it can be tempting to do this especially when so many people will do their best to deny what you experienced - almost like leaning into a stuck door that just won't budge.

the problem with this is if you never recognize that being mistreated made it so you LACK a lot of what other people learned from a loving enviroment, you can hurt people pretty badly even when doing your best just not to replicate what your parents/caretakers got wrong.

this also hurts for victims because, when it comes down to it - it's not FAIR. you were hurt for no reason, and most of us will never hear an apology or even admittance from the person who did it - so why do YOU have to change? why do YOU, the person hurt unjustly, have to put in the work?

and i mean. that's what breaking a cycle is. it means pushing against what's fair and comfortable deliberately so that you can stop something that's been repeating. it's work. its not just recognition of pain, it's the purposeful healing and treatment of it. but thats scary, and it's not fun, so a lot of people fall right back into it. its a lot easier said than done.

[deviika]

Blythe Baird // Dave Eggers

[sstalecupcakes]

idk how much of an “it is what it is” kind of thing and if it should be considered a “good” thing that I am more emotionally aware and mature than my own parents.

I cannot have a conversation with them. They will not let me. And they tend to gaslight, and pretend they didn’t do anything to disrespect me when I express that they have. though I don’t know how intentional that is? I know they don’t wish ill will toward me or my partner or anything like that, but they definitely refuse to acknowledge they do anything wrong ever. And they say I’m attacking them when I express how I feel and my dad accused me of having “an ego” or whatever but uhhhhh.

Sounds like projection to me, no?

[sstalecupcakes]

My parents know very basic things about me. Not me as a whole. I feel like I know them as a whole wayyy too much so. But I probably don’t. Not as much as I think. And they probably think the same for me.

Communication is very important and we will never truly understand each other as humans if we let the unspoken divide us. So long as both parties can handle the truth.

[sstalecupcakes]

I miss my shitty apartment :,) I miss my life before it changed :,) I’m glad it changed but shit, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad it changed

[lockssteps-deactivated20250715]

[sstalecupcakes]

thought i’d be happier turned out to be crappier 

[sstalecupcakes]

It hurts when they looked at me

And only saw the hatred for each other

It hurt when they looked at me

And only saw one another

Dark hair just like dad

A face like mom,

that is supposedly bad

I am not them

I am me

You should consider this

When you reproduce so selfishly

[sstalecupcakes]

I changed this blog from a trauma art vent to a place where I write. But if I make any trauma-related art, I’ll share it here

[sstalecupcakes]

wow, minor spoilers, but I’m nearing the end of assassins quest and I can’t believe fitzchivalry is a transphobe

[sstalecupcakes]

I shall stop seeking the opinions of others, only their help, emotionally or otherwise.

[sstalecupcakes]

I will never be satisfied with what my parents think therefore I shall not ask

[sstalecupcakes]

it’s sad when my loved ones can’t see themselves in the way i see them; their talents, their ambitions, their beautiful emotions  

low self confidence is a silent killer

[sstalecupcakes]

bye bye my single follower lol