rock bottom.

I'm waiting for something always waiting feeling nothing wondering if it'll ever change

[swanepocl-deactivated20200315]

prague was always known for its bright lights, wild parties and never ending buzz, that was why elodie harper vanderbilt loved her new h o m e so much. it was one of those nights however, that downtown was tonight’s choice. the czech dimly lit streets echoed as glossy heels pierced the sidewalk, before coming to a stop as the glamorous blonde pushed the oak door to the bar. pushing open the heavy door, she walked to the counter, setting her bag down next her as she took a seat. as she waited for her order to be taken, elle caught sight of her complexion in the mirror behind the bar, instantly preening and gussying herself. from the corner of her blue eyes, the model could see someone looking at her. “oh, don’t even judge me – i didn’t realize my lipstick was smudged,” she said with a laugh, before turning her attention to the bartender, ordering a signature gin and tonic. “okay, okay, judge me all you want. if the roles were reversed, i’d totally judge you for being image obsessed while the bartender waits for you to order.”

[ssunlghts-blog]

nursing his whiskey close to his chest, josh’s eyes had been glazing over, tired from a night spent catching up on paperwork the night before, and the past day spent working open cases he’d been assigned on his first week back. truthfully, josh was wrecked. his soft, green eyes fluttered closed a moment as he tipped back his drink, left hand signaling he’d need another. when he heard the door go, he hadn’t bothered to glance over like he might do on another day. he could only bring himself to look up as the space nearby his was taken and a flash of golden blonde hair flashed in his peripheral. with a small smile on his face josh glanced over, gentle smile immediately turning into somewhat of a frown as he watched in confusion as to what the woman was doing. “i really don’t think it was as bad as you were thinking,” he offered, laughing a little when she turned the situation around on him. “good to know i have your support, though.”

[yourfirstsnow-archive]

“Where are you off to?” The tattoo artist pried. Holding a dark umbrella overhead, he came closer to the other to shield them from the light rain. “I could be sure you make it there dry.”

[ssunlghts-blog]

peering through the rain at the figure approaching, josh smiled at the sight of his friend and chuckled the second the man was close enough to shelter josh from the rain. “thanks, man.” he said, pushing his hood back so he could see snow better. “i was actually on the way to the studio. thought you might be able to help me figure something out?”

[ssunlghts-blog]

girlpocl:

“I have to be civil,” he admitted, a soft sigh escaping. “I work with him. He’s actually technically my boss, so I have to at least pretend that I like the man. Or respect him or whatever,” he stated, nipping at his bottom lip as he gave it some thought. “Who are you looking for a card for?” he asked. “I’ll look for yours if you look for mine.”

josh nodded solemnly and reached out for another card instead; it was fairly plain looking but had some colorful text on it that wished the recipient a happy birthday. “this one?” he asked, holding it out to the other man. “what’s up with your brother?” josh questioned aloud, having been curious since he’d heard the other complain about him. “do you think you need to go more classy or funny or-- i’m not really sure, um..” he’d started to trip on his words, still not quite used to talking this much anymore. 

“my sister’s birthday is coming up,” he started, looking around at the cards again, fingers tracing some of the outlines when he thought he might have found one suitable. nope. “she’s turning 22, and loves music.” he wasn’t sure if this information would be entirely helpful, but he thought it was enough to be going on with.

[ssunlghts-blog]

lxvcr:

frankie watched him carefully as her fingertips were dragging lightly over his skin. her eyes peering up at him from under her long eyelashes. it was surprising to see the man in such a state, but frankie was enjoying it probably a little bit too much. she had almost forgotten what they were talking about herself when he asked her to repeat herself, and she could only laugh softly in response at first. “for today’s date, sweetheart. keep up,” she teased. “you know, to make the day of the beginning of fall fest, and also the day you fell in love with the one and only frankie de la cruz,” she smirked. her gaze was pulled back to his hand when he felt his muscles tighten as he curled his fingers in, “is everything alright?” she finally asked, running her fingertips the other way across his wrist before she finally dropped his hand gently and brushed her fingers through her slightly curled hair. 

“so are you saying you aren’t my prince charming?” frankie raised an eyebrow, taking one small step towards him. “next you’re going to be telling me that you don’t own a white horse and i’m not the perfect match for the glass slipper. seriously, joshua, you are really crushing my fairytale dreams tonight.” she smiled, picking up a shot glass and hiding her lips behind it before tipping it back. “as long as the night doesn’t end when you get off work, handsome.” she placed the empty shot glass down, giving it a few seconds before tipping the last one back. “how long have you been a cop?” she asked, reaching a hand up, placing it on his torso when he had flashed the badge earlier, feeling the outline of it beneath the clothing.

“oh, right. people actually get the date tattooed? what if they get hit on the head and think that’s the date or where they live or how many kids they have?” josh couldn’t help but smile in answer to the little smirk adorning her face as she spoke. he rolled his eyes at her. “ah, yeah, that was it.” he teased right back, brows lifting as if to show the lightening of his mood. her hand still hadn’t left his skin and his gaze was taken with watching it, even after he’d already been distracted once. “mm,” he hummed, nodding at her question before he blinked and dragged his focus away to her face. “yeah, fine.” the admission could have been true, if it weren’t for the fact that his hand had started to shake underneath her touch before he’d lowered it away. 

josh inhaled through his mouth, teeth pressed together to make a disappointed noise for her. “sorry,” he said, grinning. no white horse. “no glass slipper either, though i do have a great pair of novelty bear feet slippers if you’re interested,” lopsided smile on his face as he tilted his head at her, josh had the same teasing edge to his voice that she did. as frankie rid herself of her last couple of shots, josh’s eyes had taken to scanning the surroundings. he was allowed to have fun tonight, as long as he did his job too. when her voice sounded out again, his eyes easily wound up back on her, though they lowered as her hand reached for the material of his hoodie, over the top where she’d seen his badge earlier on. it wasn’t the same as the contact made to his skin, didn’t make him shake, or tremble; much. but it had an effect. he exhaled slowly, clearing his throat before answering. “uh, seven-- seven and a half.. nearly eight years, give or take.” he answered her, “what made you ask?”

[minkova]

–”I don’t teach Pilates— “ The Mob boss strained, his expression one of utter confusion. “This is a UFC gym— so, if you want to train UFC then yeah—” It was strange, the amount of people that came in assuming he offered an array of classes at the gym. It was a place where he taught people how to fight, not how to lose baby weight.

[ssunlghts-blog]

josh had been boxing for years now. he knew how to throw a punch, knew how to defend himself. that didn’t explain why he’d made it here however. curiosity, maybe? either way, he found himself walking towards the other man, his eyes narrowing as he tried to place the familiar looking face. “what are the requirements?” he asked, already having seen one person dismissed.

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

“God,” he mumbled under his breath, reading greeting cards in the drug store aisle with a heavy sigh. “What kind of card fits a thirty year old arsehole brother with a vendetta against me, but I’m forced to work with him, anyway? I already got him a bleedin’ gift card, I just need to put it in something. They’re all so corny.”

[ssunlghts-blog]

having no luck in his search for a decent birthday card to send home to his sister, josh’s hand came to pinch the bridge of his nose, frustration evident on his face until he’d heard the voice beside him. he looked up from the cards, noticing some of the other categories. he smiled to himself, nodding at a particular section. “you could always go with deepest sympathies. and and something about ‘for your shitty personality.’” josh offered, perhaps unhelpful. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

he spoke softly, “don’t be offended. you’re great.” he scoffed as a shelf dug into his back, “that pierce swagger,” he made air quotes around the phrase, “that’s the problem.” he rubbed his face again, “it’s not that i’m not fun loving. it’s not that i’m not horribly flirty. but it’s kind of exhausting being this big playboy persona. it’s like i don’t know how to act like a real boy anymore. i’m just tired of being a hundred percent all the time and i’m afraid no one really knows me.” 

“ahhh,” cleo nodded her head knowingly, holding back the smile she usually wore around noah. she let her eyes wander his face and then looked down for a moment, listening to him. “you know, a lot of people, they actually.. like it when you’re real with them. when you’re not putting on an act and actually being yourself. and i mean, look, i get it, you pierce’s are hot, you’ve got a lot to offer. but money gets old fast. especially if you’ve lost everyone around you because you weren’t real with them, or boned their mom or their sister or cousin or something because you thought being a playboy all your life would be more fun than being you.” she shrugged, looking up at noah from the short space away. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

ari gulped, thankfully not audibly ,as cleo bent over. quickly spinning on her heels she faced the wall of her room and tried to resist the temptation to look back at her friend changing. don’t be pervy.  she didn’t always do the best at this as she began to strip as well, she caught a glimpse of her friend’s back, cleo’s revealing bra as she turned slightly. she shut her eyes and slipped an ratty old t-shirt with some of iron maiden’s album artwork on it to replace the nicer t-shirt she just shed. because she wasn’t wearing anything under the running shorts, she was grateful that the t-shirt covered her ass and that she bent down to pick up a pair of boxers before hand. slipping those on, she started talking, “i don’t. sleep nak-naked,” she tripped over the word, “i have a friend named liu who’s really into sneaking in through my window off the fire escape and then climbing into my bed. so i just, don’t. so you should answer that now, it’s only fair.” 

now that she’d gotten her clothes off, cleo was occupied with actually pulling some back on. she took her pajama shorts first, stepping into them and shimmying them up her toned legs. picking up her sweater next, her head turned to look at ariela with a slight pout. “never?” cleo asked, turning to face the other girl as she pulled her campus hoodie on, her hands guiding the hem over her stomach, she felt warmer already, despite her legs now being on show. the heat of her hoodie did enough to make up for it. her eyes narrowed on ari’s story of her friend “what do they sneak in for?” the finishing touches were added to cleo’s pajamas when she reached behind her, hands slipping under the material of her hoodie to unclasp her bra before she freed each of the straps in turn and pulled the offending material out from the thicker clothing and let it drop onto the neat pile of her other clothes. 

heading for ari’s bed, she took a seat on the end of it and looked up at her with a smile. “i used to, i have roommates now though which kind of makes it a bit difficult. i mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re great girls, but i’d rather be naked alone.” she laughed, lifting her legs up to bring her knees to her chest on ariela’s bed. “do you have a side? i know you don’t mind top or bottom now but.. side of the bed?” she asked, teasing glint to her eyes. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

noah held the closet door open for his companion, ushered her in, and then followed close behind. the closet was rather small, barely enough room for their two bodies. a cocky grin was on his face as he reached up to pull the string that would turn on the light in the closet. “so seven minutes, your lips on mine. let’s go.” noah paused, “unless you don’t want to.” he rubbed his face with his hands and sighed, mumbling, “this is exhausting.” 

@sunlghts

soft laugh leaving her as she followed into the closed apace of the closet, cleo moved in closer to noah’s body as a result of the very limited space, her hands coming to rest lightly at his chest before she allowed her fingers to splay across his chest, his shoulders. “as tempting as that pierce swagger is, kinda seems like you’ve got other things on your mind,” she teased him, acknowledging the sigh he’d let out. “should i be offended? i’m slightly offended.” she said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. instead of leaning into him further though, she pushed him back against the shelving, letting him have that extra bit of  space as she herself rested back against the wall. “spill, what’s going on, pierce?”

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

she groaned and let herself get dragged up, “i definitely think you like to win.” ari was kind of surprised when cleo didn’t let her hand go and led her to her own bedroom. ariela remembered her anatomy teacher in high school saying something about not trusting somebody with sweaty palms because the palms didn’t have sweat glands and for that she was grateful because she was sure if hands could sweat hers would be currently in cleo’s grip. oh god, what if they’re clammy?  she chuckled and rolled her eyes at her question, “an old t-shirt and some flannel pants, boxer shorts if it’s hot, which i’m sure it will be with an extra body. and if i slept naked, did you expect me to sleep that way with company over? do you sleep naked since it was the first thing out of your mouth?” 

“since you didn’t give an actual answer, i don’t think i will either.” cleo smirked, turning to face ari as the two entered her room before she let go of her hand and wandered back to her bag. “seems only fair, don’t you think?” she teased, looking over her shoulder now as she unpacked her pajamas. “but otherwise, a t-shirt and pj shorts, i guess sometimes flannel pants.” she agreed with a smile. tonight she’d gone for shorts though, 

after unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, cleo moved to shimmy out of them, wiggling her hips until she got them off and bent over to pick them up. stuffing her jeans into her backpack, she made a start on removing her sweater, eyes slowly closing as she felt the material trace her bare skin underneath. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

lxvcr:

“you’re a great teacher, babe,” she smiled, eyes moving up to look at him, “don’t be so down on yourself.” frankie listened to his question, and without much hesitation, she reached her hand out to grab his, flipping his hand so his palm was facing up towards the ceiling. frankie ran her fingertips lightly across his wrist before brushing over his hand, “i think my name would look great right here. too much?” she smirked, “how about the date in roman numerals? isn’t that the fad nowadays?” she teased. when he denied her offer for a drink, she shrugged, placing the shot down right next to him, “it’ll be there if you change your mind, handsome.” frankie ordered a couple more shots, both for herself now and she downed one before pausing to turn back to him. “when do you get off tonight? i might need a police escort home. wouldn’t want me to get hurt if i drink too much.”

“thanks,” he laughed, shaking his head at her, in no way was he actually expecting her to seriously compliment him, so he just closed his mouth. jumping at the sudden contact made against his skin, josh’s breath left him in a rush, his eyes fluttering closed as gentle fingertips made their way over the inside of his wrist, lightly stroking his skin. he immediately cleared his throat, a quiet sound, almost lost for a moment before he managed to lock his gaze on his own hand, blinking as he tried to bring himself back. he’d completely missed what she’d said and felt heat warming his cheeks. “sorry, what?” he asked, voice slightly quieter than it had been previously, still not fully recovered. “roman numerals for what?” his tone was quizzical now, not entirely convinced about the idea. his hand remained where it was, fingers curling in to squeeze his hand shut before he let the lengths of them slowly unfurl again. 

when she’d eventually dropped his hand, josh had moved it ti slide it into his pocket, hiding his still-shaken fingers. “if we’re talking after i get off, wouldn’t that just be me walking you home?” he questioned with a raise of his brow. “do i seem like the ‘walk a girl home’ type?” he asked, part teasing, part curious as he looked over at her. “i’ll be done at twelve, maybe i’ll actually drink then i’ll be the one asking you for to walk me home.”

[ssunlghts-blog]

dcvynrodriguez:

“Right?!” Devyn said as she eyed the male when he took a bite of it and admitted that it was good. She desperately wanted another, but knew it wasn’t a good idea. “I got it at one of those tents. They’re just a dollar which is pretty cheap. Here’s me trying to convince myself not to go back and get another one.” She bit her lower lip and brushed her hands on her pants. “They’re really good. Too good maybe. Dangerously good.”

“a dollar?” josh groaned, still finishing off the bite he’d taken. she looked softer than the first time they’d met, slightly less guarded. “wanna go get some more?” he asked, nodding over her shoulder at the tents she’d talked about. “they’d be really good heated up with ice cream too.” he added to her thoughts aloud, almost trying to tempt her further. “when have you ever cared about danger?” his voice was softer, even though it held a more teasing edge. if she was going to be more open now, he should, too. 

[nyinstituteads]

“Thees shoes are hideous!” Ashley groaned, shaking her head. “What kind of person wears this color blue?”

[ssunlghts-blog]

josh blanched, his eyes widening and his mouth agape as he tried to think of something to say to the question presented to him. “uhh,” he stumbled, eyes flitting from the woman’s eyes to the pair of shoes she held in front of her. “maybe they use them for peacocking?” he offered, somewhat unhelpfully. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

ari was done for the moment cleo ground her hips down on her. she wasn’t prepare for the sensations in the slightest and she found herself gasping. it was a high pitched, desperate sound. humiliating. her face flamed and she couldn’t help but to cover it with her now freed hands. she was proud of her tone sounding fairly steady when she spoke, “no, i don’t like to lose. do you?” she questioned and then removed her hands from her face and moved them to cleo’s hands where she was pressing her fingertips against ariela’s skin. “get off me. it’s getting late. maybe we should go change?” 

there was no hiding the noise that escaped ariela the moment cleo’s hips had started to move against the smaller girl. it was.. hot. definitely a noise she liked to hear, whether appropriate or not. her eyes had fallen to ariela’s lips discretely when she’d covered her face and cleo thought she might be thinking about that sound the rest of the night. laughing, cleo shook her head in answer and wiggled her hips playfully. “what do you think?” she asked rhetorically, brows raised at the other girl and their compromising position. with ari’s hands momentarily on hers, her gaze lowered to the now-connected hands, cheeks reddening ever so slightly before she nodded and pushed herself up to stand, dragging ari up with her by the hands she’d held onto. “okay. what should i expect pajama wise? naked? flannel set? booty shorts and a long tee?” she teased, looking over her shoulder as she walked ahead of ari, arm lazily trailed behind her as their hands remained together.

[ssunlghts-blog]

dcvynrodriguez:

the brunette was eager to peel the surface back on the male and glance beneath the stoic exterior that always seemed in control. he was the type that had confidence in himself and seemed to always set the pace. the type of male that she found attractive. though when she asked a question she was certain he would have avoided, the brunette was even more surprised to find that he jumped right into it rather than picked the easy way out. with that, a large grin framed her lips as she folded her arms above her chest and listened to his dirty deeds. it was hot. that was the first thing she thought about. cuffs and ties were always something that interested her but never something she’d yet to explore given her mistrust towards someone. however, the grin only remained on her face as she tucked a strand behind her ear. “that’s impressive, and something i would deem as being dirty.” the brunette said with a sly smile on her lips. it remained even when his question came and she hummed slightly as she peered over him. “fraud.” she said without thinking twice even though it had lost its intensity for her given how frequently she took men’s money and spent it without their knowledge. “— grand theft in some instances.” though the smile that remained on her face was one meant to make him guess whether she was telling the truth or not.

thoughts of his ex fiancee were slowly and surely being pushed into one of the many drawers he’d started for her. it seemed more like a library at this point, one he didn’t like to venture to. he was getting better at it; compartmentalizing. detaching himself from the feelings that came with talking, with thinking. “you seem surprised,” he noted, watching the way her facial expressions seemed to change before his very eyes. she’d gone from smirking to an almost genuine smile, like she hadn’t expected his answer. or maybe she hadn’t expected him to actually give an answer at all. josh hummed at the addition to her answer, gaze lowering to where he used to wear his badge. a real smile settled itself in place and he tipped his chin back to look at her again in the eyes. “good job i don’t have my badge and cuffs back yet then, i guess.” he chuckled at that, though he didn’t think he’d have taken her in anyway. not tonight. too tired tonight. “your turn, thief.” he added with a widening of his smile, nodding slightly at her as he reached for his new drink. 

[ssunlghts-blog]

selcvuth:

the clerk gave them two sets of directions and a box of materials. ariela began to read the sheets as they set up on a table by some hot plates that would be used to melt the wax. pulling out two wicks, she placed them on the table by two tins. “so it looks like we’re going to want to pull the wick from the sticky paper and stick it in the center of the tin to start.” ari began to do so as she watched cleo bounce with excitement. “no, no. don’t apologize. it’s super cute how excited you are. i craft with my little brothers sometimes, so this isn’t too unusual for me, but i can honestly say, i never made a candle.” 

with ariela reading the instructions, cleo had taken to looking through the equipment that they’d been given, taking out each tool and setting it down where she wanted it. she couldn’t help the softening of her smile as she watched ari get them both set up out of the corner of her eyes. chewing on her lip, she let her gaze lower to her own hands, watching as she did exactly what the other girl had done, setting up her own candle wick. “you seem like you’ve done this like a hundred times,” she laughed, nudging the smaller girl with her hip at the compliment she’d paid to cleo. “what do you and your brothers usually do?” 

[a-torms-deactivated20210521]

“Have you tasted this?” Devyn asked as she pointed to the chocolatine in her hand. A kind of flaky pastry that had chocolate inside of it. It was disgustingly amazing, and she would have a hundred more if she knew it wouldn’t go straight to her ass. “Want to taste?” The brunette asked as she extended the half eaten pastry towards them. “It’s worth it.”

[ssunlghts-blog]

eyeing the brunette, josh reached his hand out, pausing just shy of her hand as he leaned in to take a bite of the pastry treat she offered him, cheeks warming slightly as he caught her eye. raising his head, he straightened back up, smiling and nodding at her at the taste with a small smile having found its way onto his lips. “mm, good.” he hummed, licking his lips to catch the chocolate paste that was threatening to escape. “where’d you find these anyway?” josh questioned, the hand that had been hovering near hers being brought back to his side.