star

shining like gun metal, cold & unsure

[st4rgirlf]

being a paradox

im the biggest paradox that i've ever known—

insecure in everything I do, yet love myself to the point of narcissism.

warm and endearing one second but indifferent and remote the next.

I confuse myself in every possible direction,

but one thing is clear to me, despise the train wreck I am, I irrevocable and totally love myself and idk if that's something to be fond of.

[st4rgirlf]

almosts

im fluent in almosts—

in hands released a second too early,

in futures abandoned mid sentence.

desire bloom in me like a myth,

beautiful, brief, impossible to keep.

i love from a distance that seems merciful,

then leave before devotion learns my weight,

because staying has always demanded

more than i have ever known.

[st4rgirlf]

cruelest truth of all.

i told you you were the love of my life,

and i said it like a prayer i didn’t mean to keep.

my hands shook when you reached for me,

my lungs clenched when you asked for forever.

i wanted to love you—truly—but my heart

was a house with collapsing walls,

unfamiliar with how to hold someone steady

without letting the roof fall in.

i left before the light could settle in,

before your arms could become home.

i left and carried pieces of you with me

like fragile figurine i wasn’t brave enough to place

on a shelf that wouldn’t crack.

every glance you gave me felt like a tide pulling in,

and i flinched,

pulled back,

and left marks on your sand

that the next wave would erase.

you told me i ripped your heart,

and i wore that like a wound i couldn’t stitch.

trying to hold me in,

but i was fire and smoke and fear

all tangled up in one body

that didn’t know how to stay

so i flew.

and now i watch you move through someone else’s hands,

laugh in someone else’s shine,

and i feel the hollow in my chest

where i could have been the sunlight you deserved

instead of the midnight rain i was.

i was not cruel.

i was terrified.

i loved in fragments,

and the whole of you

was too much for my trembling fingers.

i carried regret like a shadow that never left,

the memory of your tan skin, your smile,

your patient, perfect self—

the person i could never love the way he needed.

and i keep asking myself

how i could have been both

the reason you bled

and the reason you survived,

all at once.

i was the love you lost

and the love i couldn’t become,

and maybe that is the cruelest truth of all.

[st4rgirlf]

Who's afraid of Jude Duarte?

"I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean

Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth."

"So tell me everything is not about me

But what if it is?

Then say they didn't do it to hurt me

But what if they did?"

"That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn

That I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong"

"Cause you lured me"

"And you hurt me "

"And you taught me"

"You caged me and then you called me crazy"

"I am what I am 'cause you trained me."

So who's afraid of me?

Jude is sooooo "who's afraid of little old me?" Coded.

[st4rgirlf]

a foreign feeling

a foreign feeling

a constant companion

can't even remember,

how it felt & how i dealt

with you everyday,

we are set to far off

and the feeling is so rough,

so rough against the smooth muscles of my heart

because,

it's been far too long

since we've been apart.

& i look up to the sky everyday

on my knees for the god to pray,

praying to bring us together again

and if I can, I'll catch the train

the one that leads to our good old days

the one where no one leaves,

and everyone stays.

to my bestest friend, my darling god; faria.

[st4rgirlf]

"Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have—but i have it."

~lana del rey

[st4rgirlf]

he hurt me so bad that i started studying.

[st4rgirlf]

We accept the love we think we deserve.

-probably some wise woman

[mysticaletherealliving]

You think attention is love and that’s why you suffer so deeply.

- Evan Sanders

[pipsbriberymuffins]

girls dont want bad boys, they want a man who will immediately help them pin the murder they committed on a serial rapist

[hawthornesbiggestfan]

i am very proudly claiming my "fan before the show came out" badge for agggtm

[st4rgirlf]

"Heartbreak is one thing my ego's another."

sabrina mfing carpenter in "please please please"

[st4rgirlf]

" I hate him more than others. I hate him so much that sometimes when I look at him, I can hardly breathe. "

jude duarte thinking about her mortal enemy cardan greenbrair.

they are so "so it goes.." by TS coded.

[st4rgirlf]

presents

i hope

you remember me, but

most importantly i remember you,

i have nothing & so do you

to remind us of our tragic fabric

because at last,

memories are the only presents

that will haunt our mind in the middle of the night,

no jewelry, no letter, no bracelet

nothing that i might find accidentally

will ever remind me of you,

because all i have of you is,

my memory.

to the person i was in love with and called my best friend.

[st4rgirlf]

"Everyone wants him, that was my crime "

slut! by Taylor Swift

she know what she was doing while writing this.