I really wanna take up a freelance side job to get some extra cash... I feel like I could do html/css work for pretty cheap and make a quick buck off of it. But I'm always so unmotivated I don't wanna work myself into a hole. But I want MONEYYY
i think im experiencing seasonal depression, but its more like... time of day depression? its like during the day ill have no energy to do anything at all. its a physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that fully devours me. but then at like 7 pm ish ill be fine and have the energy to do stuff. talking to people sometimes also helps? so maybe its a lack of human connection thing too? but i hate it more than anything. i feel like i cant get ANYTHING done until 7, and then i only have like.... 3 ish hours to do said things? so i either stay up and feel MISERABLE in the morning and terrible all day, or just succumb to fatigue around that time anyways.
and i really dont know how to solve it. now, during times of clarity and motivation i think things like "i should just go take a walk to cheer myself up and get in the mood to do stuff! but when i get into that head space, its practically impossible to think in the same way i am at this hour. much less GET UP and MOVE? the exhaustion is so genuinely encumbering and crippling. i feel absolutely stuck.
ps : ahh im so excited to be back to writing. heres a request/suggestion given by my amazing mutual @st4rlert that ive been wanting to do. i hope u like it regardless of the 2-3 month wait </3
the bright sun slightly stinged your skin, as you walked down the horizon of the beach with your boyfriend, armin. your hands intertwined with eachother, enjoying the vague noises of seagulls and the waves crashing into one another.
"and that's basically why i think dean is the villian of the story." armin said, finishing his tangent about his ongoing tv series you've been watching together. "oh yeah? well, we'll have to go back to the hotel and see if your theory is right. i still believe his brother is the one behind it all." you retort, slightly teasing him.
the both of you decided to have a week long vacation to samar, philippines to have some time to yourselves, after a great job promotion you got at work. armin was absolutely proud of you for this achievement, and decided to plan the trip. you were against it at first, saying "we really don't have to. a simple dinner is fine with me!" but he wouldn't budge.
"so, what do you think of the trip so far? anything upsetting you?" he asked, looking at you with a hopeful expression. "i love it honey. it's perfect." you smiled heartily at him, planting a sweet kiss on his cheek, him immediately shyly pursing his lips after you pulled away.
"you know, we should do this more. like, just us. somewhere in a different part of the world. like, paris or fez. or istanbul! i heard the architexture there was stunning." he said. and all you did was listen.
this was your dynamic. armin would talk, you would listen. and you liked it that way. his pretty blonde head would always say something that would be worth listening to, so you never let a word slip your mind.
"regarding istanbul, did you know it's the only country in the world situated between two continents? it's right between europe and asia." you said, remembering it from a fun page in a magazine you read a few nights ago. "woah. so it's pan-continental. that's so cool. your convincing me to book another flight now." he laughs, as you go along with him.
you continue walking, until you spot something interesting slightly far away in the shore ahead of you. "hey, what's that?" you point to rocky structures with pools of water inbetween the gaps.
he lets out a little hm from his lips, before completely losing his neautral demeanor. "oh oh oh! tidepools!" he starts quickening his pace towards the tidepools, gently dragging you along with him.
you both reach the tidepools, as he lets your hand go, leaving you standing on the shore, watching him get his baggy jeans completely wet.
"armin, what are you doing?" slightly laughing at this excited attitude. he doesn't answer, completely focused on searching for something on the rocky wall and shallow water.
after a few seconds of him captivated by his work, he pulls out a clam-looking object and puts his hand out to let you hold it "look! a blue mussell!" you take it from him, and gently hold it in your hand, looking at the blue clam "woah, so pretty. can you eat it?" "yeah, their really popular in europe. oh oh look at this! i think it's an olive shell!"
time flies, and now you end up sitting on the one of the higher rocks, with a pile of shells, clams, and so on piled up on armin's handkerchief, since you both didn't leave thinking of bringing a bucket. armin sits next to you, admiring a specific shell he found, his hand covered in tiny cuts and scratches from picking through the rock walls.
"this is a shark eye. it's a small one, but it's pretty. their pretty rare you know." he mumbles, his big blue eyes admiring the shell. you admire his fragile holding of it.
"you know, you should rename it armin's eye." you said subconsciously, with your chin resting on the palm of your hand. "why?" "because you found it. and you really seem to like it, so call it armin's eye to make it extra special. the shell armin found." you smiled.
"that's kind of silly, don't you think? if that was the case, then the person who found this first and classified it would also be called shark. have you ever met a person called shark in your life?" he teases you. "um no. yeah, your right. it is kind of dumb." your face warms up, feeling awkward, before looking away in embarrassment.
"what if i call it, y/n's eye?" he asks, gently turning your chin back to him with his hand. "why y/n's eye? im pretty sure my pupils arent always extremely constricted." you giggle.
"because you helped me find this shell." he smiles. "but i was just sitting here patting the others ones dry. you found it with your own ha-"
he interrupts you with a gentle kiss to your lips, his hand cupping your cheek, the other one still holding the shell. kissing back, you feel his lips curve into a little smile, before pulling away, hand still on your face. "y/n eye." "okay, got it."
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