welcome to my page! i'm staar. i like to write a lot of fanfiction and i have an unhealthy obsession with levi ackerman.
i mostly write for genshin and aot, but i dabble in other things from time to time.
For the writers struggling to rid themselves of the classic ‘said’. Some are repeated in different categories since they fit multiple ones (but those are counted once so it adds up to 100 new words).
Note: everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No I am NOT telling people to abandon said and use these. Yes I understand that said is often good enough, but sometimes you WANT to draw attention to how the character is speaking. If you think adding an action/movement to your dialogue is 'good enough' hate to break it to you but that ruins immersion much more than a casual 'mumbled'. And for the last time: this is just a resource list, CALM DOWN. Hope that covers all the annoyingly redundant replies :)
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summary ⇢ years after your messy breakup that broke up the band, you and mydei are forced back together for a reunion tour—and the public can’t get enough of your chemistry. on stage, you’re electric, but backstage it’s all snide comments, heated arguments, and mydei slipping in petty lyric changes just to piss you off. you’re not sure what’s worse: how much you still hate him or how much you don’t.
pairing ⇢ lead guitarist!mydei x lead singer!fem!reader
contains ⇢ romance, angst, smut (oral sex, hate sex, angry sex, unprotected sex, wall sex, overstimulation, slight dirty talk), exes to lovers!au, modern!au, band!au, profanity, alcohol consumption, smoking—please let me know if i’ve missed anything!
word count ⇢ 16.7k
note ⇢ inspired by the honkai star rail official mydei art, olivia rodrigo’s get him back! & daisy jones and the six by taylor jenkins reid. reposted from @/dxnheng. read on ao3 here.
i). wait, is this the song with the drums?
Your first instinct, when Anaxa drops the news about the reunion tour, is to shake your head and vehemently say no.
“Absolutely not,” you say, holding up a hand like that might somehow physically block the idea from reaching you. Anaxa simply raises an eyebrow and adjusts his glasses.
“It’s not a request,” he replies, flipping through the stack of papers he brought with him. “It’s happening whether you’re on board or not. Your contract’s airtight.”
“That’s impossible,” you scoff, folding your arms defensively. “I specifically remember agreeing to no future projects involving him.”
“Yeah, well, when you’re in a band that makes millions, the label doesn’t exactly care about your personal vendettas. Fans have been begging for this for years. You know how much money this is going to make?”
“I can’t do this, Anaxa. You know what he’s like. He’s gonna make this a living hell for me.”
Your manager’s eyes soften just enough to make you look away. “Look, I know it’s not ideal. But it’s just a tour. A few months, and then you never have to see his face again if you don’t want to.”
You hesitate, teeth worrying your bottom lip. Anxiety coils inside your stomach like a live wire. You’d thought you’d buried that part of your life—left it to rot somewhere in the wreckage of what used to be your band and your relationship. Mydei’s name still leaves a bitter aftertaste whenever it slips out of someone’s mouth.
But the label wants it. The fans want it.
“So, what—you just expect me to pretend we didn’t break up in front of the entire world?” you snap, though there’s less fire behind it this time.
Anaxa shrugs and sets the contract on your coffee table. “Pretend, don’t pretend. Hell, make it part of the show for all I care. As long as you’re both on that stage together, the crowd’s going to eat it up.”
You hate how practical he sounds. How it almost makes sense. You glance at the contract, at the neat, tidy letters spelling out your own name and Mydei’s right next to each other, and feel something bitter curl up in your chest.
“I’m gonna kill him,” you mutter.
Anaxa pats your shoulder as he heads for the door. “Try not to do it on stage. Though that might actually sell more tickets.”
You flip him off without looking, and Anaxa just laughs on his way out. The contract sits there on the coffee table, and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to look away. Your eyes blur over the words, and all you can think about is him.
Mydei.
You’ve spent months forcing yourself not to say his name out loud, not to think about his legs tangled with yours in bed or the rasp of his voice in your ear when he couldn’t keep his hands to himself before a show. You don’t let yourself think about the songs you wrote together. You definitely don’t think about the way it all fell apart. It was easier when you could pretend that part of your life was over—when you didn’t have to picture his face or hear his voice in your head, mocking you with every love song you swore you’d never sing again.
With a resigned sigh, you grab the pen Anaxa had placed next to the contract papers and flip to the last page. Your signature comes out a little shaky, but it’s done. You let the pen drop onto the table and lean back against the cushions.
The rehearsal studio feels too small. It’s ironic, really—after spending years crammed into dingy vans and shitty motel rooms together, you’d think it wouldn’t bother you. You’re the first person there (Anaxa had threatened to personally drag you out of your apartment if you didn’t show up on time), and because you don’t know what else to do, you set about adjusting your mic stand.
It’s stupid. You know it’s already set to your height, but it gives your hands something to do. The room is way too quiet, the walls lined with soundproofing and a few faded posters from when your band—the Chrysos Heirs—was at its peak. There’s a familiar, musty smell—stale air and old fabric—and it makes your chest ache just a little.
Without really thinking about it, you start humming one of the old songs—one that never made it to an album, just something you and Mydei had messed around with one night in the back of a bus. The melody flows out of you like muscle memory, soft and a little shaky at first, but gaining strength as you let the lyrics slip past your lips.
“Kiss me once and call me baby,
Lie to me and say I’m crazy—
Can’t believe I let you take me—”
The door swings open mid-verse, and you stop singing so fast it almost gives you whiplash.
Mydei steps inside, and for a second, you can’t move. It’s like being punched in the gut—seeing him again after all this time. He looks almost the same, and that’s what pisses you off the most. The same messy hair, the same worn leather jacket hanging off his shoulders, that same stupid, self-assured expression. The only real difference is the hint of stubble lining his jaw, like he didn’t bother shaving before showing up. Typical.
He stops just inside the door, guitar case slung over his shoulder, and his eyes lock onto yours. His expression doesn’t give away much—just a calm, uninterested look, like he couldn’t give a shit about being here. Your stomach twists, anger simmering just under your skin. You’d spent months convincing yourself that you’d moved on, that he didn’t matter anymore, but seeing him here, right in front of you, makes all that effort feel pointless. You hate that he still looks good.
He doesn’t say anything, just drags his gaze over you like he’s sizing you up. You force yourself not to react, keeping your expression as neutral as possible, even though your hands are shaking where they grip the mic stand. You can’t let him know how much this is messing with you. You refuse to give him the satisfaction.
Mydei glances at the mic stand, then back at you, and there’s a flicker of something in his eyes—annoyance, maybe, or just plain indifference. You don’t know which is worse. You half expect him to make some smartass comment about your singing earlier, but he doesn’t say a word. Just sets his guitar case down on one of the couches and starts unzipping it, still not acknowledging you.
The way he’s ignoring you grates on your nerves. You’re tempted to snap at him just to get some kind of reaction. But you know how that game goes—how he’s always been good at pushing your buttons and making you the one who loses their cool first. You’re not giving him the satisfaction today.
You busy yourself with the mic stand again, even though there’s nothing to fix. It’s something to do with your hands, at least. The air feels thick, and your chest feels tight, and you can’t stop your mind from wandering back to late-night songwriting sessions and whispered promises that ended up meaning nothing. You wonder if he thinks about those nights too—or if he’s just moved on completely while you’re still stuck in the aftermath.
The door swings open again, and Castorice and Hyacine walk in, chatting and laughing about something. They both pause when they see you and Mydei, exchanging a quick look before stepping inside.
“Hi,” Castorice greets, adjusting the hem of her faded purple band t-shirt. “Everything okay here?”
You force a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Yeah. All good.”
Hyacine gives you a small smile, her pigtails swinging, and starts setting up her bass. Castorice nudges Mydei with her elbow as she passes by, but he just shrugs her off and keeps tuning his guitar. She rolls her eyes and grabs her drumsticks.
You can’t help but glare at him, half-hoping he’ll look up so you can throw something snarky his way. Maybe if he’d just stop pretending like you’re invisible, you wouldn’t feel like your chest is caving in. You’re caught between wanting to scream at him and wanting to leave before your hands start shaking too hard to hide.
Phainon slips in a few minutes later, his snowy hair wind-ruffled and his jeans ripped at the knees. “Already at each other’s throats, huh?” he mutters, mostly to himself, but you hear it.
“Nah,” you bite out. “No one’s dead yet.”
Phainon chuckles and unslings his guitar case. It’s forced, yes, and you know he’s just trying to lighten the mood. It doesn’t help much. Mydei doesn’t even acknowledge the comment; he just keeps strumming a few notes like he’s deliberately tuning you out. You look away.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “Chrysos Heirs: The Reunion Tour – Behind the Music. Episode One.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]Soft lighting. Castorice sits on a stool, tapping her drumsticks against her knee absentmindedly. She grins when she notices the camera.
CASTORICE: The first practice? Oh, man. That was a nightmare. I mean, I know it was gonna be awkward, but—wow. I half expected the room to just spontaneously combust. (Laughs) They didn’t even look at each other for the first half hour. I thought I’d have to throw a cymbal at someone just to break the ice.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, sitting cross-legged on the floor, her bass leaning against her shoulder.]
HYACINE: Honestly, I wasn’t sure if they’d even show up. _____ got there first, and Mydei came just before me and Cas showed up. When we walked in… (Sighs) It was like stepping into a freezer. I kept looking at Castorice like, Are we really doing this?
[CUT TO: PHAINON, leaning against the wall with his guitar propped up next to him.]
PHAINON: You could cut the tension with a knife. I was just waiting for one of them to snap, honestly. ____ was messing with the mic stand like it owed her money, and Mydei—(snorts) he just acted like he didn’t give a shit. Everyone knows he does, though. I could see his hands shaking a little while he was tuning his guitar.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, slouched on the couch, arms crossed.]
MYDEI: First practice? Whatever. I showed up, didn’t I? (Shrugs) _____ was already there, singing something I wrote. I didn’t say anything. Didn’t feel like arguing. Didn’t feel like… dealing with that. (Pauses) We got through it. That’s what matters.
[CUT TO: YOU, sitting on a folding chair, arms crossed, eyes fixed somewhere off camera.]
YOU: I didn’t think he’d actually come. And when he did… (shakes head) I was just angry. At him, at myself. At the fact that he didn’t even look at me. We used to be… I don’t know. Better than that. He didn’t say anything to me, and I wasn’t gonna be the one to break first. We both have too much pride.
[CUT TO: CASTORICE AGAIN, twirling a drumstick between her fingers.]
CASTORICE: Eventually, I just started playing something random to break the silence. That usually worked back then—get the rhythm going, and the rest will follow. I guess some things never change, because once I started up, Phainon joined in, and Hyacine just kinda jumped in too. ____ and Mydei just stared at each other like it was some kind of weird staring contest.
[CUT TO: HYACINE AGAIN, laughing softly.]
HYACINE: I thought one of them was gonna strangle the other before we even got to the chorus. But after a few minutes of us just messing around with the intro, _____ gave in and started singing. Mydei followed—stubborn asshole—but it actually sounded good. Like, almost better than I remembered.
[CUT TO: PHAINON AGAIN, smiling with his eyes crinkled at the corners.]
PHAINON: It was a mess. A beautiful mess. That’s just how it is with us. Always on the edge of imploding but somehow making it work. They didn’t say a word to each other the whole practice, but the music spoke for them. It’s weird how that works, huh?
[CUT TO: MYDEI, still looking annoyed, but his jaw clenches a little.]
MYDEI: We got through the set. It wasn’t… terrible. (Pauses) She still sings like she’s got something to prove. Never really lost that passion. I guess that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.
[CUT TO: YOU, looking almost hesitant.]
YOU: The music was the only thing that didn’t feel different. That’s the worst part. We still fit together on stage. I don’t know how to feel about that.
ii). he had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye.
The venue is packed, lights flashing in time with the beats of the opening song. Castorice is good. That hasn’t changed, not even a little. The heat of the stage lights is already making sweat prickle at the back of your neck, but you force yourself to ignore it, keeping your eyes fixed on the dark mass of people in front of you. You can barely make out individual faces past the glare, but it doesn’t matter—they’re all screaming, hands in the air, chanting your band’s name like a war cry.
To your left, Hyacine’s fingers fly over the bass strings, head bobbing in time with the rhythm. Her eyes are focused and sharp, lips curved into a smile. Next to her, Phainon strums his guitar, sweat dripping down his temples. He’s got that manic grin on his face, the one that always surfaces when he’s deep in the music.
You’re trying to focus—keep your voice steady, keep your hands from shaking—but it’s hard when you know he’s right behind you, adjusting his guitar strap and dragging his pick over the strings just loud enough to be a distraction. You swear he’s doing it on purpose, plucking random notes like he’s got nothing better to do, just to see if he can make you crack.
You refuse to look back at him. Instead, you take a slow breath and lean into the mic, eyes half-lidded and voice low as you speak to the crowd.
“Hey, everyone,” you drawl, and the noise swells, cheers and screams merging into a single deafening roar. You give them a crooked smile. “Feels good to be back. Did you guys miss us?”
The crowd roars. You can feel it—the way they’ve been waiting for this, for you. You ignore the way it makes your throat close up a little, focusing instead on the setlist displayed on the prompter. The opening song is one of your older hits, the kind of thing that used to play on the radio at least once a day back when it was first released. You’ve sung it a thousand times before, but tonight, it feels different. He’s right there, and you hate how you can feel his presence without even looking.
The drums kick in, pounding through your ribs, and you throw yourself into the first verse.
“Bite your tongue ‘til it bleeds,
Hide the bruises on your knees,
Say you never cared—
I know you’re lying through your teeth.”
Your voice is steady, loud enough to carry over the instruments as the crowd sings with you. You almost lose yourself in it. The light pulses red and white, casting shadows across the stage, and you grip the mic stand tighter, putting every ounce of frustration into your performance.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Mydei move closer to his mic, his guitar slung low and his fingers dancing over the strings. You force yourself not to look at him, focusing on the rhythm instead, on keeping your breathing even as the verse transitions into the chorus.
“Bittersweet vendetta,
Carved your name into my skin,
Kiss me like a secret.
Make me wish I’d never let you in.”
You push your voice harder, practically shouting the last line, and the crowd’s response is instantaneous—voices rising to meet yours, some of them screaming loud enough to rival the speakers. You finally risk a glance to your right, just in time to see Mydei’s lips curve into a smirk, his head tilted like he’s daring you to acknowledge him.
He leans into the mic, and his voice slices through the air.
“She lies like she means it,
Fake love on her lips—”
You clench your jaw so hard it aches, but you don’t miss your next cue, even though your mind is reeling. That’s not the original line. He’s never changed it before—not in all the years you performed this song together. You shove down the surge of anger, forcing yourself to keep going as if nothing happened.
The audience reacts immediately—some laughing, some whooping. You know they heard it. You know he did it just to get a rise out of you. You hate that it’s working, that your pulse is thrumming in your ears and your hands are shaking even as you keep your expression blank.
You don’t look at him. Instead, you pour every ounce of your irritation into the next verse, voice dropping low and venomous.
“Cut me down with your clever words,
Always knew how to make it hurt,
Fake your way to heaven,
But I’d follow you through hell first.”
You swear you hear Mydei laugh under his breath, but he keeps playing like nothing’s wrong, his fingers moving over the strings like second nature. Your stomach twists, and you can’t tell if it’s fury or something uglier—something that feels like regret buried under years of resentment.
The bridge comes crashing in, and you give it everything you’ve got. Your voice is raw and unrestrained.
“Swore I’d never write about you,
Guess I lied again somehow,
Made my bed on broken promises,
Tell me—are you happy now?”
The crowd’s roar almost drowns you out, but you don’t let up, spitting out the words like they’re poison on your tongue. You’re breathless by the time the final chorus hits, and the last line comes out almost like a snarl.
When the song ends, the audience erupts, and you finally allow yourself a moment to breathe, wiping sweat from your forehead with your palm. Your ears are ringing, but you catch a glimpse of Mydei as he steps back from his mic, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He doesn’t look at you. Nor does he seem to particularly care that he just tore through one of your most iconic songs with a cheap, unnecessary jab.
You force a smile and wave to the crowd.
The moment the stage lights cut out and the cheers of the crowd fade behind the heavy backstage door, you’re off. You don’t bother thanking the crew or even stopping to catch your breath—you just march straight to the green room, hands still trembling from the adrenaline and the anger. Your heart’s pounding so loud in your ears that you barely hear the door swing open behind you.
You whirl around just as Mydei walks in, still wiping sweat off his face with the hem of his shirt. The sight of him—smirking like he didn’t just pull that shit on stage—makes your stomach twist with rage.
“What the fuck was that?” Your voice comes out harsher than you intended, but you don’t care.
Mydei just raises an eyebrow, like he’s confused about why you’re yelling. “What was what?”
“Don’t play fucking dumb,” you snap. “You changed the fucking lyrics. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
He just shrugs and tosses his towel onto one of the chairs. “Oh, that. Yeah, I thought it sounded better. More honest.”
You take a step closer, jabbing a finger at him. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to just rewrite shit on stage without telling anyone. We practiced that song a hundred times, Mydei. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You’re really gonna get this worked up over one line?” He scoffs, running a hand through his sweat-damp hair. “Come on, it’s not that deep.”
“Not that deep?” You laugh, but it’s humourless and cold. “You made it sound like I’m some kind of manipulative bitch in front of thousands of people! How the hell am I supposed to not get worked up about that?”
“Maybe if it wasn’t true, it wouldn’t bother you so much,” he says, leaning back against the wall.
Your jaw drops. “Excuse me?”
Mydei shrugs again, his voice low and taunting. “You always were good at faking it—feelings, sincerity, the whole tragic frontwoman act. Sorry if I just cut through the bullshit.”
Something snaps inside you, and before you even realise it, you shove him backwards with both hands. Mydei doesn’t stumble, but his smirk falls for just a second—just enough to make you feel a flicker of satisfaction.
“Fuck you,” you spit out. “You don’t know a single thing about me.”
His face hardens, and he pushes off the wall to get right back into your space. “Don’t I? I know you lie like it’s second nature. You get off on being the victim, pretending like you’re the one who got hurt. But we both know you’re just as guilty as I am.”
“You’re a fucking asshole.” You’re breathing hard now, fists clenched at your sides to keep from swinging at him. “You’re the one who decided to leave the band first. I’m not the one who bailed.”
“Yeah, because sticking around and watching you sabotage everything we built together sounded like a blast. You’re impossible to deal with. Always have been.”
“You think I’m impossible? You’re the one who picks a fight every chance you get. It’s like you can’t stand if I’m not miserable,” you shoot back. “Newsflash, Mydei—not everything’s about you and your bruised ego.”
“Says the girl who can’t stand it when someone calls her out,” he says, lips curling into a mocking grin. “Maybe I hit a nerve because you know I’m right. You’re so used to being adored that the second someone questions you, you lose your shit.”
You shove him again, harder this time, and he doesn’t move—just stays rooted to the spot, glaring down at you. “God, I hate you,” you seethe, voice cracking despite yourself.
“Funny. Didn’t sound like hate the last time you were screaming my name.”
You freeze, heat rushing to your face, and the anger bubbles into something darker—something desperate and bitter. “You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you? Always gotta have the last word, always gotta prove something. You’re pathetic.”
“You’re one to talk,” he grits out. “Still hung up on shit that happened years ago. I’m pathetic? You’re the one still singing about heartbreak like it’s gonna make people feel sorry for you.”
You want to hit him. You want to scream at him until your voice breaks. Instead, you shove him again, and this time he catches your wrists, yanking you forward until your chest brushes his. His face is inches from yours, breath hot against your cheek.
“Admit it,” Mydei murmurs, low. “You’re pissed because I called you out, and now you can’t hide behind your lyrics like a coward.”
You wrench your hands free, but you don’t move back. You’re too close, breathing hard. “You’re such a fucking asshole,” you whisper, voice tight.
His eyes bore into yours. “And you’re a goddamn liar.”
Before either of you can say anything else, Hyacine pushes the door open with a scowl. She takes one look at the two of you and shakes her head. “Seriously? Already? I knew this tour would be a shitshow, but I didn’t think you’d try to kill each other on night one.”
You finally rip yourself away from him, swiping at your face like you’re trying to scrub the confrontation off your skin. Mydei doesn’t look at you. He just picks up his towel and wipes his hands.
Castorice slips in behind Hyacine, still buzzing from the performance. “Kephale, you two are like feral cats. Can’t we just chill for five seconds?”
“We’ve got interviews in ten minutes,” Phainon pipes up from behind her. “You guys need to get your shit together.”
Hyacine levels both of you with a glare. “I don’t care what personal shit you’ve got going on, but don’t pull that crap on stage again. Mydei, you don’t change the lyrics without telling us. _____, stop feeding into his bullshit. You’re both being idiots.”
Neither of you says anything, but you’re still seething, trying to force down the bitter ache in your chest. Mydei rolls his shoulders and turns away, his shaggy hair falling down the nape of his neck. When you finally turn and leave the room, you can still feel his eyes on your back, and it makes your skin crawl. You tell yourself you’re just glad to be away from him, but the knot in your stomach says otherwise.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “Opening Night – Sold Out.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: CASTORICE, her expression thoughtful.]
CASTORICE: Okay, look, I’m not gonna go around pinning the blame on anyone. That doesn’t do anyone any good. (Shifts slightly) I just think that we’re all adults here, and what Mydei and _____ were doing didn’t do us any favours.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, scowling at the camera.]
HYACINE: They’re pretty f***ing immature, if you ask me. Sometimes I think Mydei and _____ forget that they’re not the only people in the band. They founded it, sure, but what about me, Cas, and Phainon? This isn’t just some petty high school-level battle of the bands shit. This is our f***ing careers we’re talking about.
[CUT TO: PHAINON, leaning back with a cigarette rolling between his fingers.]
PHAINON: Yeah, it’s real inspiring when your frontmen are trying to rip each other’s heads off backstage. Real rock and roll. (Scoffs) Look, they’re both stubborn as hell, and it’s not like we didn’t see it coming. You put two people with that much history on the same stage, and it’s like throwing a match into gasoline.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, arms spread out on the back of the couch.]
MYDEI: It’s not my fault she can’t handle the truth. We’re supposed to be putting on a show, aren’t we? Guess what—drama’s a part of it. If she wants to get pissed because I added a little honesty to the setlist, that’s on her. (Shrugs) I’m not gonna apologise for making it real.
[CUT TO: YOU, visibly tense, gripping the edge of your seat.]
YOU: He didn’t change the lyrics because it was real. He did it to hurt me. There’s a difference. It’s not about the fans, or the show, or whatever bullshit excuse he’s telling himself. It’s about control. He just couldn’t stand the fact that I was getting through it without him, that I was… fine. (Pauses) Or at least trying to be.
[CUT TO: CASTORICE AGAIN, rubbing the back of her neck.]
CASTORICE: (Sighs) You’d think that after all these years, they’d have learned how to work together without turning it into a battlefield. We’re not in high school anymore. We’re on tour. If one of them messes up, it’s not just their mess to clean up—it’s all of ours.
[CUT TO: HYACINE AGAIN, looking more annoyed than before.]
HYACINE: It’s exhausting. We’re just trying to make music, not mediate whatever unresolved shit they’ve got going on. Half the time, I feel like I’m babysitting. They either need to figure it out or shut the hell up and be professional for once.
[CUT TO: PHAINON AGAIN, giving a resigned laugh.]
PHAINON: Honestly, if they’d just screw and get it over with, we might finally get some peace around here.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, AGAIN]
MYDEI: Phainon said that? Not a chance. I’d rather set my guitar on fire.
[CUT TO: YOU AGAIN, rolling your eyes.]
YOU: Yeah, well, might be the most impressive thing Mydei’s done in a while.
iii). do i love him? do i hate him? i guess it’s up and down.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “The Founders’ Cut.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: YOU, sitting upright with your arms crossed.]
INTERVIEWER (off-camera): Can you tell us about the band’s early days? How did the Chrysos Heirs come together?
YOU: God, that feels like forever ago. (Pauses) It was just me and Mydei at first. We were… just kids, really. We’d meet up after school in my dad’s garage—him on guitar, me scribbling down lyrics on whatever scraps of paper we could find. It wasn’t anything serious back then. We just wanted to make noise and piss off the neighbours.
INTERVIEWER: Did you always know it was going to be a band?
YOU: (Shakes head) Not at all. We didn’t plan for it to be anything more than a way to kill time. We’d play until our fingers ached or Dad came out yelling at us to cut it out. (Smiles a little) It was messy and loud and—fun. We didn’t think much past that.
INTERVIEWER: When did it start to feel like more than just noise?
YOU: When Castorice came into the picture. She was incredible. She had this way of making everything tighter, more precise. Like she just knew what needed to happen to make the sound click. Mydei knew her from some music workshop thing—said she was the only drummer he’d met who wasn’t full of shit. (Laughs softly) One day, she just showed up with this beat-up drum set and told us our timing was crap. And she was right.
INTERVIEWER: What was your reaction to her criticism?
YOU: Oh, I was pissed. I didn’t want some stranger telling us we were doing it wrong. But she wasn’t mean about it—just honest, I suppose. And once she started playing, we couldn’t really argue with her. She made us sound like an actual band.
INTERVIEWER: And Hyacine and Phainon? How did they join?
YOU: They came later. We’d been playing these tiny, shitty bar shows—barely getting paid, just trying to scrape together enough for gas and food. It was clear we needed a bassist. Castorice was the one who pushed for it. She said we sounded hollow without that low end. She knew Hyacine from some other band that had just imploded—some drama I never got the full story on. Hyacine came in and just took over. She was relentless, always pushing for perfection. It drove me and Mydei crazy at first, but she made us sound good. Really good.
INTERVIEWER: And Phainon?
YOU: (Smiles fondly) Phainon was a surprise. Mydei found him at some underground gig—he was up there shredding like it was the easiest thing in the world. Mydei practically dragged him to rehearsal the next day, and Phainon barely said a word. He just picked up his guitar and played like he’d been with us the whole time. We didn’t even have to teach him the songs—he just… knew. It was weird, but it worked.
INTERVIEWER: What was it like performing together back then?
YOU: Incredible. We weren’t perfect by any means—we’d f**k up chord changes and stumble over lyrics, but people didn’t care. There was this energy that made up for it. The crowd felt it too. We’d get off stage, drenched in sweat, hearts pounding, and just laugh about how much we almost screwed up. Those shows were something else.
INTERVIEWER: And what about you and Mydei? You two were already together by then?
YOU: (Pauses, glancing away) Yeah. It just happened. It wasn’t really something we talked about—it just made sense at the time. We were always around each other anyway.
INTERVIEWER: What changed?
YOU: (Exhales slowly) Success changed things. Suddenly we were everywhere—touring, interviews, non-stop shows. We didn’t have time to breathe, let alone talk about anything that mattered. It was just… go, go, go. And when things got tough, we didn’t know how to handle it. We didn’t talk. We just fought. About stupid shit—lyrics, setlists, tempos. It wasn’t about the band anymore. It was about us, trying to hurt each other without admitting that’s what we were doing.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, leaning back in his chair with one arm thrown across the back of it.]
INTERVIEWER (off-camera): Can you talk about why you left the band?
MYDEI: (Exhales, looks away for a moment) It wasn’t… one thing, you know? People always want it to be simple, like there’s one big reason I just up and left. But it wasn’t. There was just—too much shit piling up. Tension between all of us, pressure from the label, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to deal with it.
INTERVIEWER: Do you regret it?
MYDEI: Sometimes. Maybe. I didn’t really think about what it would do to the others at the time. I needed to figure out who I was without the band. It was selfish, I know, but I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay with how things were going.
INTERVIEWER: Were you unhappy with the band itself, or just the dynamics between the members?
MYDEI: Both, I guess. The band was everything to me at one point. It was the one thing I thought I could count on. But then it just got… complicated. We went from just being a bunch of idiots messing around to something huge, and I wasn’t ready for that kind of pressure. The music stopped feeling like ours—like mine. It was just what everyone else wanted from us.
INTERVIEWER: How did the others react when you told them you were leaving?
MYDEI: (Chuckles bitterly) Not well. Castorice tried to talk me out of it—said I was being impulsive and throwing away something we’d built from the ground up. Hyacine was pissed. She didn’t say much, but I could tell she was angry. Phainon didn’t say anything at all. Just kind of… stared at me like I’d betrayed him or something.
INTERVIEWER: And _____?
MYDEI: (Stiffens) She didn’t take it well. She said I was running away—like I always did. We fought about it for hours. Nothing we said made sense by the end of it. Just yelling for the sake of yelling. I think we both knew it wasn’t just about the band at that point.
INTERVIEWER: After you left, the Chrysos Heirs seemed to almost dissolve overnight. Can you talk about that?
MYDEI: (Breathes out slowly) Yeah, I heard about it a few months later. It wasn’t something I expected. I thought they’d keep going without me, honestly. I didn’t think I was that important. (Pauses) Turns out, though, that me leaving kind of pulled the rug out from under everything.
INTERVIEWER: Did the others ever talk to you about it?
MYDEI: Castorice called me once. She didn’t say much, just that they’d decided to take a break, and that without me there, it wasn’t working. She didn’t blame me, exactly, but I could hear it in her voice. Like she was trying not to say that I’d screwed everything up. (Shakes his head) Phainon never reached out. I don’t know if he was angry or just—disappointed. Hyacine texted me some stuff, mostly updates, but nothing about how they felt about it.
INTERVIEWER: What about _____?
MYDEI: (Tenses visibly) We never spoke to each other after I left.
INTERVIEWER: Do you think that the band dissolving hurt her the most?
MYDEI: Yeah. I know it did. The band was everything to her—more than it was to any of us, I think. She was always the one pushing us to go further, to make better music, to keep going even when it was hard. So when it all fell apart… I know she took it personally. Like she failed or something. Especially when I saw her trying to do solo stuff after that.
INTERVIEWER: Did you listen to her solo work?
MYDEI: (Nods) Every track. It was good—different, but good.
The studio lights beat down on you like a relentless sun, and you resist the urge to wipe at the thin sheen of sweat forming at your hairline. You force yourself to smile through it, shoulders squared and posture just right, even as your muscles ache from holding the same position for too long. Castorice mutters under her breath about how awkward it feels to act casual when there’s a giant lens pointed right at your face; you can’t help but agree. It’s been ages since the last group photoshoot, and the discomfort is hard to ignore.
Mydei stands at the far end, stiff and distant, hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket. He’s staring at some fixed point behind the photographer’s head, looking like he’s seconds away from bolting. It drives you insane how obvious he’s being about not wanting to be here. You catch his eye once, and the look he gives you is so blank, it’s almost insulting.
Castorice throws an arm across Phainon’s shoulders, and the two lean into each other. Hyacine sits cross-legged in front of you, holding up two peace signs and grinning widely.
“All right, good! That’s enough for the group shots,” Aglaea, the director of photography, calls out, clapping her hands together. “Everyone but Mydei and _____, take five. I want a few duo shots.”
You stiffen. Castorice glances between the two of you with something close to worry, but when you shoot her a tight smile, she just shrugs and heads off with Hyacine and Phainon in tow.
Mydei hasn’t moved an inch, his hands still stuffed into his pockets, jaw tight. You take a slow breath and will yourself not to let him get under your skin. Not again.
Aglaea gestures you both forward, clearly sensing the awkwardness but too professional to comment on it. “All right, you two. Let’s lean into the chemistry a bit. I want intimate and raw—like the world’s finally looking at you both behind the professional masks.”
Your lips press into a thin line. Mydei doesn’t react at all.
“Face each other,” Aglaea instructs, waving a hand to adjust the lighting. It catches on the bright gold of her blouse, and you blink a little. “Mydei, hands on her waist. _____, put your hands on his shoulders. Closer. I need to feel the tension. Like you’re caught between fighting and kissing.”
You almost laugh at the irony. That’s practically all you’ve done since he showed up again—hovering somewhere between wanting to scream at him and wanting to grab his face and never let go. The thought burns. You squash it as you step forward.
Mydei’s hands settle on your waist, and it’s as if electricity crackles through you, setting every nerve alight. His touch is hesitant, like he’s not sure he has the right to be this close anymore. Your hands come up to his shoulders, fingers brushing over familiar leather and muscle, and you force yourself to look up at him.
His eyes catch yours. Neither of you moves. He looks at you like he’s seeing something he thought he’d lost, and it makes your heart twist painfully.
“Closer,” Aglaea calls out, voice clipped. “Mydei, lean in like you’re about to say something you’ve been holding back for years. _____, tilt your chin up—give him that look, like you’re angry but imploring.”
You do as she says, your breath hitching when his forehead dips to rest against yours. Your fingers tighten against his shoulders, and his hands shift on your waist, thumbs brushing over the fabric of your shirt like he’s trying to memorise the feel of it. Those strands of hair that he always braids because he claimed it made him look “edgy” brushes against the curve of your cheek. You can feel his breath fan across your face, warm and familiar, and it hurts how natural it feels.
When you look to the side, Aglaea is frowning. “Closer,” she says again. “I need to see that longing.”
You don’t bother hiding your scoff, muttering under your breath, “Maybe it’d be easier if he didn’t look like he’d rather be doing literally anything else.”
His eyes snap to yours, defensive. “Sorry I’m not putting on enough of a show for you,” he mutters back, just loud enough for you to hear.
“Maybe if you actually gave a damn, it wouldn’t feel like pulling teeth,” you hiss.
He narrows his eyes, tightening his grip just a fraction, enough to make your pulse jump. “There you fucking go again. Acting like you’re the only one who cares about this.”
You force yourself to keep the smile plastered on your face for the camera, teeth clenched. “Oh, forgive me for thinking you don’t give a shit. It’s not like you haven’t disappeared for months without a word.”
“You think I wanted to leave?”
“You didn’t exactly try to stay,” you snap, fingers digging into his shoulders. “You left me to deal with the fallout while you got to play the tortured artist somewhere else. And now you’re back, and you’re acting like none of it mattered.”
“You didn’t want me to stay,” he says, barely more than a whisper. “You didn’t even ask.”
The accusation slices through you, and your grip on his shoulders loosens. “How was I supposed to ask when you made up your mind without me?” you fire back. “You made it clear that I wasn’t worth staying for.”
His expression hardens, like he’s trying to cover the hurt bleeding through his anger. “That’s not fair. You never once asked how I felt about it. You just decided I didn’t care.”
You want to scream at him for being so oblivious—for acting like you didn’t spend weeks waiting for a call that never came. Instead, you force your lips into a tight, brittle smile. “Guess you made it pretty damn convincing when you left even though I asked you to stay.”
Something in his eyes cracks, just for a moment, but then Aglaea’s voice cuts through.
“Yes! That’s it!” she crows. “Keep it up. Mydei, cup her face.”
He doesn’t move at first, just stares down at you, his breath coming out in uneven bursts. Then his hand lifts, cupping your jaw, his thumb brushing over your cheek like it’s muscle memory. The way he looks at you, then, makes your throat close up.
You want to push him away, but your hands stay where they are, like they’re glued to him. Aglaea calls out more instructions, but her voice is distant—just noise behind the thunder in your chest.
When she finally calls for a wrap, you step back, your hands falling limply to your sides. Mydei’s arms drop away from you, his face shuttered and closed off again. You don’t look at him as you turn on your heel and walk off to the break room, every muscle in your body screaming with the urge to just get away from him before you say something even worse.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “The Members’ Cut.”
The screen fades out into grainy footage from an old concert: Mydei and _____ on stage, harmonising, Mydei strumming his guitar while _____ sways with the mic. The audience sways as one, flashlights held up as they move in time with the song. The video fades out.
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: PHAINON, sitting cross-legged on a couch, an easy smile on his face.]
PHAINON: Back then? Man, they were something else. You’d think they were fused at the hip with how much time they spent together. Writing songs at three in the morning, huddled over some crumpled notebook, arguing about chord progressions one second and laughing the next. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people make something so good while simultaneously wanting to strangle each other. It was weirdly sweet.
[CUT TO: CASTORICE, sitting in a green room with her legs swung over the arm of a chair.]
CASTORICE: _____ used to steal Mydei’s hoodies every time we hit a new city. Didn’t matter how hot it was—she’d be drowning in that thing, sleeves halfway covering her hands. Mydei’d just roll his eyes and mumble something about it smelling weird when he got it back, but he never complained. They’d go on these stupid little coffee dates whenever we had downtime—just the two of them, sneaking off like no one would notice. We noticed. Everyone noticed.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, sitting on the floor of the green room.]
HYACINE: Honestly? Their songs were the best ones we ever wrote. Together, they just… clicked. It was effortless. I think the first time I heard “After Midnight”, I kinda wanted to throw up from how sweet it was. But you could tell—every word, every note—they put their whole hearts into it. It was like they were making something for just the two of them, and the rest of us were lucky to get a piece of it.
[CUT TO: PHAINON AGAIN, still sporting that easy smile.]
PHAINON: But, y’know, things got complicated. Like they always do. They’re both stubborn as hell, and neither of them knows how to sit down and talk without throwing metaphorical knives at each other. Still… (Laughs softly) I stand by what I said. If they screw each other and get it over with, everyone’s gonna be okay.
iv). wanna kiss his face with an uppercut.
You’re sprawled across the hotel bed, face buried in the pillow, when your phone rings. You groan, tempted to ignore it, but the screen flashes Anaxagoras’ name, and you know better than to let it go to voicemail.
You pick up and press the phone to your ear. “Yeah?”
“Don’t sound so enthusiastic,” Anaxa deadpans. His voice is brisk, no-nonsense as always. “I’m just checking in.”
“Fantastic,” you say dryly, sitting up and running a hand through your hair. “Photoshoot went great. Almost fought Mydei. Twice.”
“Great Kephale,” he mutters, and you can imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. “Are you two still at each other’s throats?”
“It’s kind of hard not to be when he acts like breathing the same air as me is a personal insult,” you snap. “Aglaea made us take those stupid couple shots, and he looked like he wanted to die the whole time. It’s—” You break off, clenching your jaw. “It’s annoying.”
Anaxa grunts, unimpressed. “You’re letting him get to you.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“Then stop it,” he says, as if it’s that easy. “You don’t have to like him, but you do have to get through this. It’s one shoot and a few public appearances. You’ve handled worse.”
“That’s the problem. It’s not supposed to be worse. We’re supposed to be professionals, but he’s—he’s making it impossible.”
Anaxa doesn’t answer right away, but when he does, his tone is firm. “Look, if he wants to act like a child, let him. You don’t have to stoop to his level. Smile for the camera, grit your teeth if you have to, and don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s pissing you off.”
You hate that he’s right. “Yeah. I know.”
“You want me to handle anything?”
“No,” you say quickly, shaking your head even though he can’t see it. “I’ll deal with it.”
He doesn’t bother with goodbyes, just hangs up like always. You let your phone drop onto the bed and slump back down, staring up at the ceiling. You hate that it’s still gnawing at you—the frustration, the hurt, the way Mydei’s indifference feels like a punch to the gut every single time.
You tell yourself it’s fine. You can handle it. You’ve been through worse.
A knock at the door startles you out of your thoughts. You blink, wondering if you imagined it, but then it comes again—more impatient, this time. You groan and push yourself up, dragging your feet as you cross the room. Your muscles still ache from the photoshoot, and your mood hasn’t improved because of Anaxa’s call.
You pull the door open, expecting maybe Castorice or one of the others, but it’s Mydei. He leans against the doorframe, hands shoved into his jacket pockets, his jaw set in that familiar way that makes you want to slam the door right in his face.
“What do you want?” you snap, not even attempting to sound polite.
He glances away, gaze fixed on some spot above your shoulder. “I— Just wanted to—”
“Oh, please,” you interrupt. “Like you fucking care.”
“Don’t start.”
“I’m starting,” you snap back, “because you spent the whole fucking day making it perfectly clear that breathing the same air as me is unbearable, and now you’re playing concerned? Do you even look at yourself?”
“Maybe I do care,” he tells you, and you cut in again.
“You’re the one who looked like he’d rather die than put his hands on me. Trust me, I noticed.”
“It’s not that—” He cuts himself off, jaw clenched, and steps closer. “You don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me!” you shoot back, shoving his shoulder. “You can’t just act like a dick and expect me to read your mind. Or are you still too much of a coward to admit anything out loud?”
That hits a nerve. His eyes flash, and he steps into your space, so close you can feel the heat coming off him. “Maybe if you didn’t act so fucking righteous all the time, I wouldn’t feel like I’m losing my mind around you,” he spits out.
“Yeah?” you challenge, shoving him again just to get him to react. “Maybe if you didn’t keep running away every time something actually matters, we wouldn’t be stuck in this stupid cycle!”
He grabs your wrist, yanking you even closer, and you can feel his breath on your face, warm and ragged. “I’m not running.”
“Yes, you are,” you hiss, your voice cracking despite yourself. “You always do. You think if you act like nothing happened, it’ll just go away. Well, fuck you, Mydei, because it doesn’t.”
He looks at you like he wants to argue, but his jaw works soundlessly, and you’re so sick of it—so tired of dancing around whatever’s been festering between you since the band split. Before you know it, your hands are gripping the front of his jacket, yanking him forward just as he crushes his mouth against yours.
It’s not soft or careful—nothing about it is gentle. It’s teeth and heat and frustration, like trying to punish each other for every stupid fight, every missed chance. He makes a low, frustrated noise, backing you into the room and kicking the door shut behind him.
Your hands are tangled in his hair now, and his grip on your waist is bruising, like he’s terrified you’ll pull away. You bite down on his lower lip, and he groans against your mouth, pressing you back until your spine meets the wall.
“You’re an asshole,” you mutter against his lips, barely catching your breath.
He just smirks, dragging his mouth down to your jaw, his voice rough and breathless. “Yeah? You’re not much better.”
Your fingers tighten in his hair, and he doesn’t even try to hide the shiver that rolls through him. You hate him—you hate him so much for making you feel like this, for pushing and pulling and never letting you breathe. But right now, with his mouth on yours and his hands on your body and heat pooling inside your stomach, the only thing you can think of is him taking you against the wall.
You barely register the way Mydei lifts you off the ground, your legs wrapping instinctively around his waist as he pins you to the wall. His mouth is hot and unrelenting against yours, like he’s trying to erase every insult you’ve ever thrown at him. You’re just as ruthless, biting at his lips and tugging his hair hard enough to make him growl.
He eases you down when you moan—embarrassingly loudly, but you don’t give a fuck. His hand slides under the waistband of your jeans, and you don’t stop him. You let him tug them down, the denim sliding down your legs and pooling at your ankles. Mydei lifts you up, just so you stand on your tiptoes long enough for him to kick them aside. Every brush of his skin against yours feels like an assault—every touch a reminder of all the hurt, all the anger—but you don’t pull away.
You hate him. You love him. You need him.
His hands slide down to your thighs, gripping tight enough to leave marks, and then he pulls back, panting, his eyes dark and wild. You’re wet by now, enough that your underwear feels cool from where a damp spot has formed already.
“You always have to have the last fucking word, don’t you?” he grits out.
You scoff. “Someone’s gotta knock you off your high horse.”
He huffs a laugh, but it’s rough. Without warning, he drops to his knees, his hands slipping under your thighs to keep you steady as he buries his face between your legs.
You gasp, one hand flying to the wall to brace yourself, the other still tangled in his hair. Mydei doesn’t waste any time—he’s ruthless, licking you through the fabric of your panties. It makes your head spin. You choke on a moan, trying to squirm, but he just tightens his grip, keeping you firmly in place.
“Mydei—” you start, but his teeth graze your inner thigh, and your words dissolve into a shuddering gasp.
“Shut up,” he mutters, yanking your underwear to the side and pressing his mouth against your folds with a fierce sort of hunger. His tongue flicks over your clit, and your head falls back against the wall, a keening sound leaving your throat.
“God, you’re such an asshole,” you manage to choke out, even as your thighs tremble around his head.
He laughs against you, the vibrations making you bite down on your lip to stifle a whimper. “You’re still running your mouth,” he taunts, giving your thigh a squeeze. “Wonder if I can make you shut up.”
He doubles down, sucking your clit between his lips and flicking his tongue in a manner that has you seeing stars. Your nails scrape against his scalp, and he just groans in response, the vibrations sending another shockwave through you. Your hips jerk forward. He grips you harder, dragging his mouth down to lick at your folds like he’s starved for it.
Your fingers tighten in his hair. You can’t help the way you tug him closer, grinding against his face despite yourself. Mydei merely hums approvingly, his hands sliding under your ass to lift you higher, pressing you harder against the wall.
When his tongue dips inside your clenching hole, your knees almost give out, but he holds you steady, refusing to let you escape the overwhelming, maddening pleasure. You’re barely breathing, trying to swallow down the sounds threatening to spill out, but when he curls his tongue just right, you can’t stop the loud, desperate moan that breaks free.
He pulls back just enough to smirk up at you, his lips slick and his eyes burning. “You done being a brat now?”
You glare down at him, panting and still shaking. “Fuck you.”
His smirk only widens, and before you can blink, he’s pressing his mouth against you again—rough, merciless, relentless. It doesn’t take long before your vision blurs and your head tips back, his name tearing from your lips as you come against his mouth.
He doesn’t stop until your thighs are trembling and your grip on his hair has gone slack, and even then, he licks you through the aftershocks like he’s addicted to the taste of you. When he finally pulls back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he stands, and says, “You’ll give me one more, won’t you?”
Your breath comes out in shallow pants. You can barely muster the energy to glare at him, but his smirk only grows as he straightens up, dragging his hands up your sides and pushing your shirt higher until it’s bunched under your arms. You’re still too dazed to protest when he lifts it over your head, tossing it to the floor before his hands find your waist again, pulling you flush against him.
He dips down to kiss you, and you taste yourself on his lips—sweet and dizzying all at once. You’re still recovering from your climax, but it doesn’t matter—he kisses you like he’s making up for every second he hasn’t touched you, rough and a little desperate, his hands squeezing your hips.
His hands slide up your back, finding the clasp of your bra. You don’t even have time to catch your breath before he unhooks it and slides and straps down your arms, tossing it aside without a second thought. His mouth is back on yours in an instant, but his hands cup your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples in a way that makes your back arch off the wall.
You don’t even think before your fingers find the hem of his shirt, pushing it up and over his head, and he helps you get it off before crashing his mouth against yours again. Your hands roam over his bare chest, feeling the hard lines of muscle and the rapid beat of his heart under your fingertips. His skin is warm and slightly slick with sweat, and you can’t resist scraping your nails lightly down his abdomen just to feel him shiver.
He bites down on your lower lip in retaliation, and you gasp into his mouth. It earns you a low chuckle. You’re about to shoot back with something sarcastic when his hands slide up to cup your breasts again, rolling your nipples between his fingers, and your retort dies in your throat.
“Thought you were gonna give me attitude,” he murmurs against your mouth, lips curving into a cocky grin. “Guess you can be good when you want to.”
“Shut up,” you breathe out, but your voice comes out shaky. He laughs softly, bending down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. Your hands fly back to his hair, fingers twisting in the strands, and he groans the tug.
Your hips buck against his, and he grinds back without hesitation, the hard line of his cock rubbing against your thigh through his jeans. You can feel just how badly he wants you; the thought sends another wave of heat flooding through your veins. You tug at his hair hard enough to make him look up at you, his lips red and swollen.
“Quit teasing,” you pant. Mydei’s eyes flash with something dark and hungry.
He doesn’t bother replying—just scoops you up effortlessly, wrapping your legs around his waist. His mouth is back on yours, demanding, and you feel him fumbling with his belt between your bodies. You don’t have the patience to wait, so you reach down to help him, your hands brushing against his as you yank the buckle open and shove his jeans and briefs down just enough to free his cock.
He groans in relief when your hand wraps around his cock, stroking it slowly and spreading his pre-cum across the length. He bites back a curse. His hands tighten on your thighs, and you don’t miss the way his muscles tense under your touch. You give him a little smirk, but it falters when he presses his tip against your entrance, not quite pushing in yet.
“Are you sure?” he asks, eyes roaming over your face.
You roll your eyes, grabbing his face and pulling him down into a bruising kiss. “If you don’t fuck me right now, I swear—”
You don’t get to finish because he thrusts into you all at once, knocking the breath out of your lungs. Your head tips back against the wall, and Mydei buries his face in the crook of your neck, groaning against your skin as he adjusts to the tight warmth of your cunt. His breath is hot and ragged, each exhale brushing against your collarbone. His fingers dig into your thighs.
“Fuck,” he rasps, voice rough and strained. His hips pull back just enough to drag his length almost completely out before he slams back in, his pace brutal from the start. The force of it makes your back scrape against the wall, and you can feel every inch of him—thick and girthy, splitting you open in a way that has your body straining towards him.
Your hands scrabble for purchase, nails leaving crescents on his shoulders as he sets a relentless rhythm, each thrust hitting deep and perfect. You’re clinging to him, your legs tightening around his waist as he drives into you. The wet, obscene sounds of your skin against skin echo through the room, mingling with your breathless mons and his low groans.
“Fuck—so tight,” he mutters against your skin, his mouth dragging along your throat, teeth scraping and biting hard enough to leave a slight stinging in their wake. “You feel so fucking good. S’like you were made for me.”
You whimper, your hips rocking against his instinctively, desperate for more. You can’t stop yourself from moaning his name shakily. It spurs him on. He grins against your neck, pressing a sloppy kiss to your pulse point before sucking a bruise into your skin.
“Yeah? That good, huh?” he taunts, his tone mocking but laced with genuine awe. One of his hands slides from your waist to cup your breast, squeezing just enough to make you gasp. His thumb grazes over your nipple, and the sensation has your back arching off the wall, pushing your chest further into his hand.
Your head is spinning, pleasure coiling tight and hot in your belly as he fucks into you hard. You can feel every ride and vein dragging against your walls, every thrust forcing sounds out of you that you didn’t even know you could make.
His mouth finds yours again; his teeth nip at your bottom lip before he slips his tongue inside. You’re so lost in him, so overwhelmed, that it takes you a second to realise his other hand has slipped between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit and circling it with almost punishing pressure.
“Fuck—” Your hands are back in his hair, tugging hard enough to make him hiss, but he doesn’t let up, the rough pads of his fingers rubbing insistently as his cock drives into you again and again. “I can’t—fuck, I’m—”
“Gonna come again?” he growls against your mouth, his pace never faltering. “You’re gonna come all over my cock, aren’t you? That’s it. Good girl.”
His words make your thighs clench. Your climax comes over you without warning, tearing a strangled cry from your throat. Your walls clench around him, pulsing and fluttering as pleasure blazes through every nerve ending. You feel your thighs trembling where they’re locked around his waist.
Mydei doesn’t slow down; he just keeps fucking you through it, each thrust coaxing another wave of sensation that leaves you gasping and boneless in his grip. Your mind is a haze, barely able to process how good it feels to be taken like this. You’re dimly aware of his breathing getting rougher, his hips stuttering as your body milks him.
You drag his face back to yours, capturing his lips in a desperate, messy kiss, biting until you taste copper. He groans into you. You feel him shudder just before his rhythm falters. With one last, deep snap of his hips, he buries his cock inside you, spilling hot and thick as his body shakes with the force of his release.
His forehead presses against yours as he catches his breath, both of you panting and trembling. He stays inside you, like he’s not quite ready to let you go, his hands sliding up your sides to hold you close. You’re still reeling, your pulse racing, but you manage a small, satisfied smile, brushing your lips over his with a gentleness that almost feels out of place after what just happened.
For a long moment, neither of you move—you just breathe each other in, letting the remnants of pleasure tangle in the space between you. Finally, he pulls back enough to meet your gaze, his thumb brushing over your swollen lower lip.
“Still think I’m running my mouth?” you whisper, still trying to muster some semblance of defiance.
Mydei simply nudges his nose against yours. “Maybe,” he says, a little bit hoarse, “but at least I finally shut you up.”
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “Chrysos Heirs: The Reunion Tour – Behind the Music. Episode Two.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: CASTORICE, sitting on a stool.]
CASTORICE: You want to know about the relationships? (Grins) Oh, man. It’s like a dysfunctional family reunion. Some of us slipped right back into old habits, and some of us… well, it’s complicated. Mydei and _____? (Snorts) Don’t even get me started. You can feel the tension from three rooms away.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, sitting cross-legged on the floor.]
HYACINE: There’s definitely still some… uh, unresolved stuff. We used to be so tight. All of us. I mean, we fought, sure, but we’d always make up eventually. Now? I don’t know. It’s like everyone’s got their guard up. Phainon’s doing his best to keep things light, Castorice just barrels through any tension like she doesn’t notice, but Mydei and _____… (Pauses) It’s like walking on eggshells around them.
[CUT TO: PHAINON, leaning back against the wall with his guitar across his lap.]
PHAINON: I think everyone kind of forgot how to be around each other. We spent years being everything to one another—friends, family, bandmates, rivals. When the band split, it wasn’t just the music that fell apart. It was us. Now it’s like… we’re all trying to figure out where we stand again. The way Castorice and Hyacine laugh like nothing’s changed, while Mydei and _____ act like they’re on opposite sides of a war zone. It’s exhausting.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, still slouched on a couch with his arms crossed.]
MYDEI: I’m not gonna sit here and pretend everything’s fine. It’s not. The band breaking up after I left? I’m sure that wasn’t just some decision they made over drinks. Castorice acts like we’re one big happy family again, but she knows it’s not that simple. Phainon’s always the peacemaker, trying to smooth everything over, but that just makes it worse sometimes. I don’t know.
[CUT TO: YOU, sitting on a folding chair.]
YOU: It’s frustrating. We used to be so close. All of us. And now it feels like every word has teeth. Castorice is trying so hard to keep us from falling apart again, and Hyacine’s just… tired. Phainon’s stuck playing mediator, and Mydei—(shakes head)—he still looks at me like it’s probably my fault. Maybe it is. But it wasn’t just me who made it boil down to this.
[CUT TO: CASTORICE AGAIN, balancing her drumsticks on her finger.]
CASTORICE: We’ve always been a mess. That’s kind of our thing. But it used to be that we were messy together. Now it feels like we’re just trying not to accidentally set each other off. I miss how easy it used to be. Back when Mydei and _____ could actually talk without biting each other’s heads off. Back when Hyacine would just crack a joke instead of staying quiet.
[CUT TO: HYACINE AGAIN, resting her chin on her hand.]
HYACINE: Sometimes it feels like we’re playing pretend. Like we’re trying to convince ourselves that we’re still friends when we’re really just… people who used to know each other. Cas keeps pushing for us to hang out after shows, but it never feels right. Everyone’s just waiting for someone to break the silence. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll get better once we’ve been on the road for longer.
[CUT TO: PHAINON AGAIN, eyes thoughtful as he fiddles with his guitar strap.]
PHAINON: I think everyone’s just afraid to be the one who cares the most. Back in the day, we knew each other better than anyone else did. Now, it’s like we’re scared of stepping on each other’s wounds. Mydei’s carrying too much pride to apologise, and _____ is too stubborn to forgive. Castorice and Hyacine just want everyone to get alone, but no one’s talking about the elephant in the room. We’re good at pretending on stage, though. Real good.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, his jaw clenched, his eyes hard.]
MYDEI: You don’t just come back from something like that. You don’t go from being everything to each other to nothing without it leaving a scar. I’m not saying it’s all her fault. (Hesitates) I’m just saying that it’s easier to be mad than to admit I might’ve messed up, too. That’s why I keep my distance. It’s just… easier that way.
[CUT TO: YOU, looking almost weary.]
YOU: I never thought it would feel this hollow. I don’t know what I expected—a clean slate, maybe? But it doesn’t work like that. We’re still carrying the past with us, and it’s dragging us down. I guess… I just wish he’d talk to me. Even if it’s to say he hates me. At least that would be something.
[CUT TO: CASTORICE, shrugging with a half-smile.]
CASTORICE: Whatever happens, I’m not giving up. We’re stuck with each other. That’s just how it is. Even if we have to scream it out or throw things at each other, we’re gonna make it work. Because the way they look at each other sometimes? There’s still something there. They just gotta get over themselves long enough to see it.
[CUT TO: PHAINON, adjusting his guitar.]
PHAINON: They’ll figure it out. We’re not just a band—we’re more than that. And sometimes, being more means we break and put ourselves back together. We’ll get there.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, giving a faint smile.]
HYACINE: If we can just stop letting the past dictate everything, maybe we can start being friends again. Maybe more. I don’t know. But I do know this—on stage, we’re still the same. Maybe the music will help us remember how to be us again.
v). so i write him all these letters and i throw them in the trash.
When you stir in your sleep, the mattress beside you is cold.
It’s late—past midnight, probably. Your stomach grumbles; you sit up and shuffle tiredly over to the mini-bar and grab a bag of salted cashew nuts, tearing it open. There’s no trace of Mydei. It’s as if he was never here, didn’t fuck you against the wall like it was all he could think of, didn’t lay down on the bed next to you and curl a strong arm around your waist.
You wish you could say you were just disappointed. The truth is, you had expected nothing else, but disappointment still curls around your ribs.
It’s stupid. You walk over to the glass table placed in front of the plush armchair towards the side of your bed. There’s a notepad and a slightly blunt pencil placed on top of it. You sink into the armchair, popping a handful of cashew nuts into your mouth and chewing.
The words should be flowing by now—anger and frustration always make for good material—but tonight, they’re stuck somewhere between your ribs, buried under the feeling of his mouth on your skin.
It shouldn’t feel like this. You knew what you were getting into. You knew better than to expect anything else from him. But the way he kissed you, like he was trying to make you forget every fight—made your chest ache. You’re not surprised that he’s gone. You’re not even hurt, really. Just angry. Angry at him for leaving without a word, angry at yourself for caring that he did. You shove a few more cashews into your mouth and wipe your fingers on your sweatpants before picking up the pencil.
Your hand moves almost without thinking, words scrawling across the page faster than you can catch up with them.
You look at me like I’m your only song,
And I play the part even when it feels wrong.
We’re always dancing on the edge of a goodbye,
But I’d risk the fall just to feel you by my side.
You pause, glaring at the lyrics. You should throw the notepad across the room, rip the page out, crush it in your fist. Instead, you just sit there, tapping the pencil against your knee. You can still feel the way his mouth moved against yours, the bruising grip of his hands on your hips. You take a shaky breath and force yourself to keep writing. It’s better than sitting here drowning in the memory of him.
We’re tangled and twisted and never the same,
We love like it hurts and kiss through the pain.
You’re poison and honey and everything wrong,
And I hate that you’re still the one I want.
The pencil scrapes harshly against the paper as you press harder than you mean to. The words taste bitter in your mouth, but at least they’re honest. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to write them down—because admitting that you want more than just his hands on you feels like exposing a wound you’ve been pretending doesn’t exist.
You swallow down the knot in your throat and lean back, squeezing your eyes shut. It would almost be easier if you hated him. If you could just shove him out of your head and pretend he was nothing more than a bad decision. But it’s not that simple. You don’t just want him; you want the old him, the one who used to light up when you walked into the room, who teased you until you were laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe. You want the Mydei who didn’t always look at you like you’re a problem he can’t fix.
You know you’re being unfair. He’s not the only one who’s changed. You’re not the same either—too guarded, too tired. Sometimes you wonder if you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment because it’s easier than admitting you still love him.
Your chest aches, and the next words come almost like a confession.
You look at me like I’m the one you’ve been missing,
Kiss me like I’m the dream you keep wishing
Would come true when the lights fade away—
But you never stay.
You finish the verse and set the pencil down, pressing your fingertips to your lips like you can still taste him there.
You told yourself you wouldn’t do this again. But he looked at you tonight like he was starving—like you were something he couldn’t resist. And you let him have you because a part of you needed it, too. Needed to feel wanted, even if it was just for a few hours. Even if he was gone before you woke up.
You shove the notepad away, letting it fall to the floor as you curl up in the armchair, knees pulled to your chest. The song lingers in your head, the lyrics clawing at your heart. You feel ridiculous for letting him get under your skin like this, like a bruise that won’t heal.
The truth is, you’d let him hurt you a thousand times if it meant he’d look at you like that again. Like you’re the only thing keeping him alive. Maybe that makes you a fool, but you don’t know how to be anything else when it comes to him.
Shaking your head as though to dissolve it of its thoughts, you tear out the sheet of paper with your lyrics on it, fold it into a square hastily, and shove it inside the pocket of your sweatpants. You stand up and grab your lighter from your bag. You need a smoke.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “The Founders’ Cut.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: YOU, sitting on a simple black stool, hands loosely clasped in your lap.]
YOU: Writing with Mydei… God, it used to be so easy. We didn’t have to think about it. (Smiles softly) We’d just be sitting on the floor of his shitty apartment—barely any furniture, just the couch his neighbour was gonna throw out and that one rug we stole from Hyacine’s place. One of us would pick up the guitar, start playing something, and it was like everything else just faded out.
INTERVIEWER (off-screen): Was it always that natural?
YOU: (Nods) Yeah. It just worked. Sometimes we didn’t even talk before starting a song. I’d be on the floor, writing down whatever came to mind, and he’d be next to me, leaning against the wall with his guitar. Sometimes I’d hum something, and he’d just—pick it up. It was like we were reading each other’s minds.
[CUT TO: MYDEI, sitting with his back slightly hunched, elbows on his knees.]
MYDEI: We wrote some of our best songs at 3 A.M, dead tired, arguing about lyrics while eating instant ramen. She’d always overthink the words—had to make sure they said exactly what she wanted. I didn’t care as much. I guess I figured the feeling mattered more than getting every word right.
INTERVIEWER: Do you have an example for the same?
MYDEI: There was this one song (pauses, shakes his head). We wrote it after this stupid fight. I’d stormed out, pissed as hell, but when I came back, she was sitting on the floor, scribbling lyrics like her life depended on it. I didn’t say anything. Just sat down and played along with whatever she was humming. Neither of us apologised, but… I guess that was our way of making up.
[CUT TO: YOU]
YOU: We never talked about it, you know? We’d write all these songs that were practically confessions—about each other, about how much it hurt when we fought, or how we couldn’t stand being apart—and then we’d just… move on. Never acknowledged it.
INTERVIEWER: Do you regret that?
YOU: (Hesitates) Sometimes. But the songs made it pretty obvious. We were practically begging each other to figure it out without actually saying it.
[CUT TO: MYDEI]
MYDEI: She always wrote like it was her way of… bleeding out whatever she couldn’t say. We made something good out of it, though. Even if we never said it out loud. And… yeah. Sometimes I miss that. The simplicity of it. Just us and a guitar and whatever shit we were working through. I didn’t need anything else back then.
[CUT TO: YOU]
YOU: It’s funny. We used to write about heartbreak like it was this distant concept—something that happened to other people. Never thought we’d end up writing about each other.
vi). i want to get him back (and then?)
The rooftop is quiet at this hour—too early for most and too late for the rest. The sky is more navy than blue, more shadow than light. You push the heavy metal door open with your shoulder, and it clicks shut behind you with a soft thud. You tug your hoodie tighter around you, retreating into the warmth, and dig around in your pocket for your cigarettes.
The lighter sparks on the second try. You inhale. Smoke fills your lungs, and something in you loosens. You hate how easy it still is to find comfort in bad habits.
That’s when you notice him.
At first, it’s just the faint glow of a cigarette at the far corner of the rooftop. But you know it’s him—know it in the shape of his silhouette, the way he leans forward with one elbow braced on the ledge, hoodie pulled low over his face. Mydei. Of course.
You hesitate for a beat, frozen halfway between the door and where he stands. It would be easier to leave—pretend you didn’t see him, pretend you didn’t spend the night tangled up in him and then wake up to cold sheets and silence.
But you don’t.
Your steps are quiet as you cross the rooftop, stopping a few feet away from him. He doesn’t look at you, just exhales slowly, eyes on the horizon. You take a drag from your cigarette, watching the tip burn orange, watching the smoke curl upwards and vanish into the sky.
“Why’d you leave?” you ask. You mean the hotel room, but not only that.
He’s quiet for a long time. You wonder if he’s even going to answer.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” he says eventually, still not looking at you.
You huff a breath. It’s not quite a laugh. “You didn’t want to be there.”
He doesn’t argue. The silence stretches again, but it’s not uncomfortable. Just tired. He glances at you. The wind picks up a little, brushing your hair across your cheek. He notices—always notices—and shifts just slightly so he’s blocking the breeze. Neither of you says anything about it.
“You looked peaceful,” Mydei says. “I didn’t want to mess it up.”
“You think not being there was better?”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
You nod. You don’t push. You’ve learned not to with him. “It’s not just about tonight,” you say quietly.
He nods, eyes dark and shadowed. “I know.”
The sun starts to edge over the horizon, painting faint streaks of pink and orange across the navy sky. It’s beautiful in that fragile, fleeting way, like something you’re scared to touch because you know it’s too delicate to last. You both watch in silence for a while, letting the smoke and the light fill the air between you. There’s a comfort in it, strangely enough. The way the world keeps turning even when your heart feels like it’s stuck. The way mornings come anyway.
You look at Mydei again.
He’s tired. You can see it in the curve of his mouth, in the slump of his shoulders. But he’s here. Part of you wants to ask him why. Why he came up here. Why he didn’t leave the hotel entirely. Why he lets himself touch you but won’t let himself stay. Instead, you say nothing.
He offers you his lighter when yours gives out, and your fingers brush when you take it. It’s a brief touch, barely there, but it’s enough to make your chest ache in that too-familiar way.
You smoke the rest of your cigarettes side by side, not speaking, not needing to. It’s the kind of silence that used to exist between songs in the studio. When you stub the last bit out on the ledge, you take one last look at the sunrise. The light catches on his face now, gold and soft, and you want to say something. You don’t even know what.
So instead, you pull your hoodie tighter and nod. “I should go.”
He nods too, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t stop you either.
You turn back towards the door, and as you do, a folded piece of paper slips from your pocket. You don’t notice it fall, fluttering once before landing gently near his feet. You don’t notice it, because you’re too busy disappearing back into the stairwell, too wrapped up in keeping your shoulders straight and your breathing steady.
He doesn’t move for a while after you’re gone.
Then, slowly, Mydei leans down and picks up the paper. The handwriting is unmistakable—your quick, slanted script, a few smudges where the pencil dragged.
He reads it once. Twice.
Then he folds it back up, holds it in his hand like it might crumble, and watches the sun break over the city, alone.
The lights shift from the vibrant spotlights of the previous set into something softer, slower—dimmed gold and dusky purple spreading like ink over the stage. Your mic is cold under your fingers. You roll the cord absently through your hand. You can’t see much beyond the footlights; only the sea of shadows, the faint outlines of swaying arms and cell phone lights blinking like stars.
But Mydei’s there, across from you. This next song is just you and him, after all.
He’s adjusting the strap of his guitar, head bowed, eyes hidden beneath the fall of his hair.
It’s the same stage. The same lights. The same song. Why does it feel so different?
The crowd doesn’t know what they’re about to hear. Most of them don’t even know the song, you’re pretty sure. It’s some B-side from one of your earlier albums. You remember when you wrote it. The quiet of three in the morning, the late-night arguments that bled into music, the unraveling of two people who couldn’t speak to each other unless it was in chords and half-rhymed lines.
Here you are again. Older. Worse at pretending.
The intro begins with gentle chords, the kind that hurt more than they soothe. Your mic is already at your lips. You inhale like it’s your first breath of the night.
“I told myself I wouldn’t care this time,
Said your name like it didn’t still taste like goodbye.
But you look at me like you never learned how to let go…”
Your voice holds, though it feels like walking a tightrope. Every word comes out measured, like if you let it slip, your heart will come out tumbling too. You don’t look at him, not yet. You can feel his presence—like gravity—but you don’t turn your head.
Not until he sings. Then, you do. He meets your gaze.
“I said we were fire meant to burn out fast,
But I keep finding you in every song I’ve written last.
You don’t ask me to stay, and I don’t ask you to try…
But we’re still standing here, pretending we’re fine.”
His voice—God, his voice. It’s rougher than it used to be, edges carved by years and distance, but it still wraps around your lyrics like it was always meant to. He’s not just singing. He’s looking at you like he’s saying every word for the first time. It knocks the air from your lungs.
Your heart’s pounding now, and you hate that it still reacts to him like this. Like your body remembers the way he used to hold you when no one else was watching.
The chorus crashes over both of you.
“So lie to me, baby, say it’s still love,
Say the ending never mattered, that this beginning’s enough.
We were smoke, we were stars, we were doomed from the start,
But tonight, just tonight, sing like you still mean every part.”
Mydei steps closer. You do, too. It’s instinct, not plan. You don’t even realise it until you’re nearly toe-to-toe, voices tangling into harmony, eyes locked.
You wonder if the crowd can feel it. If they can hear the way your throat tightens, how the vowels tremble when he looks at you like that. Like he’s trying to remember the shape of you—not just your face, but your soul. The bridge comes. You always dreaded it.
“Maybe we’ll break like we always do,
Maybe we’ll forget this in the morning too.
But for now—God, for now—
You still feel like a home I never knew.”
The line lands like a punch to the chest. Yours, and maybe his too.
You let it ring out, raw and full. For a second, it feels like the two of you are back in that tiny studio years ago—barefoot, angry, tired, in love. Writing a song you were both too scared to mean. But you meant it. You always did, and you do now.
The last chorus is quieter, a lullaby instead of a plea.
“And I’d sing this with you a thousand times… if you’d let me.”
You drop your hand from the mic, breath catching in your throat, and for a moment—just a moment—there’s silence. Just you and Mydei.
He doesn’t move. He’s staring at you with something unspoken lodged in his eyes, something that looks too close to regret.
You turn away first. Your heart’s already too full. One more second and it might burst.
The crowd roars behind you, applause crashing in waves.
[CUT TO BLACK SCREEN]
Text appears on screen: “The Members’ Cut.”
[INT. STUDIO – DOCUMENTARY INTERVIEW SETUP]
[CUT TO: CASTORICE, lounging back on the couch.]
CASTORICE: It was just a fact. Mydei and _____. You didn’t say one name without the other. (Shakes her head) And the way they used to look at each other on stage? Insane. Like, we’d be in the middle of a song, and I’d be watching them instead of playing because damn. The rest of us could’ve vanished into thin air, and they wouldn’t have noticed.
(Laughs lightly, rolling her eyes.)
CASTORICE (CONT’D): It was kinda funny, actually. Like, okay, we get it, you’re in love. Can we get through the set without you two making heart eyes at each other? (Pause) But, y’know… it was also kinda nice. Seeing people that in sync. That kind of connection isn’t something you fake.
[CUT TO: HYACINE, sitting cross-legged on the floor, bass resting on her lap.]
HYACINE: They were disgusting. I mean that in the nicest way possible. (Grinning) Like, you’d be tuning your guitar, and they’d just be standing off to the side, whispering to each other like they weren’t literally about to perform in front of thousands of people. And yeah, sure, couples sing duets all the time, but with them? It was different. Like they were letting us in on something private, something meant just for them. Even if it was a song they’d performed a hundred times before, it always felt like they were saying something new.
(Chuckles, eyes soft with nostalgia.)
HYACINE (CONT’D): They made you believe in that kind of love, y’know? The all-consuming, this-song-is-about-you kind of love. You couldn’t want them and not feel it.
[CUT TO: PHAINON, sitting with his arms draped over the back of the chair, smirking lightly.]
PHAINON: Yeah, they were that couple. The ones who made you roll your eyes but also kind of wish you had what they had. Like, I remember this one show—Mydei had just finished this crazy guitar solo, and instead of, I don’t know, reveling in the applause like a normal person, he immediately turned to _____ like she was the only one whose reaction mattered. And she just grinned at him, and I swear to God, he looked like he won the lottery.
(Shakes his head and scoffs.)
PHAINON (CONT’D): They were reckless with it. Loud about it. No hesitation, no holding back. They didn’t just love each other, they showed it. And that’s rare. You don’t get that kind of honesty on stage very often.
(His smirk fades just slightly.)
PHAINON (CONT’D): …That’s why it was so hard when it ended.
vii). ‘cause i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh.
The crowd is louder tonight. Not louder in volume, necessarily, but just… like they’re expecting something. Like they know something you don’t.
You glance at the setlist as someone does your in-ear check. Your duet with Mydei is coming up next—the same one you’ve done every night for years. It’s not your most popular song, but it’s yours. It always has been. Something about it felt safe even now, when everything else between you and him was held together with duct tape and willpower.
You take a sip of water and step towards the side of the stage, waiting for the intro cues.
But when you hear the first notes, they’re not yours.
Your stomach drops. The chord progression is soft, a little unfamiliar. It’s not one of your tracks, or a part of the agreed setlist.
Your gaze snapes to the center of the stage where Mydei stands—guitar in hand, face calm. He’s adjusted his mic, and he’s… smiling? Not a grin. Nothing cocky. Just this small, quiet thing, like he’s doing something that matters to him more than he’s ready to admit.
“This one’s not on the list,” he says into the mic, casual, like this doesn’t upend everything. “I wanted to try something new tonight.”
Your brow furrows. You step a little closer, careful not to draw a scene. Castorice gives you a sharp look from behind her kit, like, Did you know about this? You shake your head once.
Mydei starts to sing.
“You look at me like I’m your only song,
And I play the part even when it feels wrong.”
It hits you like a punch to the ribs.
That lyric. That exact line. You know it because you wrote it, alone. In that hotel room weeks ago, scrawled in a burst of emotion you weren’t proud of, folded up and shoved into the pocket of your sweatpants. You’d thought it got tossed in the wash or lost somewhere in the shuffle between cities.
Apparently not. Apparently he found it. And instead of asking you—like a normal person would—he set it to music. He built a melody around your bleeding heart and decided to sing it to a crowd of thousands.
“We’re tangled and twisted and never the same,
We love like it hurts and kiss through the pain.
You’re poison and honey and everything wrong,
And I hate that you’re still the one I want.”
It’s a beautiful melody, and you feel something inside your chest twist, hard. He sings softly but unsteadily, like he wasn’t sure that you’d hear it—or worse, that you would.
He doesn’t look at you while he sings. He scans the crowd, eyes on the horizon. But the meaning is clear. You can feel it in the tightness in your chest, in the hush that’s fallen over the audience, like they know this isn’t just a love song.
You fold your arms over your chest, more for grounding than anything. Castorice doesn’t play a beat. Hyacine and Phainon watch silently, hands loose on their instruments like they’re ready to jump in if needed, but they don’t. Neither of you do.
This is his moment, and your words.
“You look at me like I’m the one you’ve been missing,
Kiss me like I’m the dream you keep wishing
Would come true when the lights fade away—
But you never stay.”
You exhale shakily. You feel exposed, as if you’re standing naked in front of an entire arena. The words weren’t just lyrics—they were confessions. Grudges. Regrets. Things you never had the guts to say out loud. And here Mydei is, saying them for you.
No. Singing them.
Your fingers curl into your palms. You don’t know whether to be furious or deeply, deeply moved.
He finishes the song in a whisper, almost. The last chord rings out like an unanswered question. The audience is silent for a beat too long. Then they erupt—whistling, cheering, screaming. It’s a standing ovation for something they didn’t even know was a story.
And still, Mydei hasn’t looked at you—until now.
He turns, finally, just a little, and meets your eyes across the stage. You don’t smile. You don’t clap. You just stare at him, speechless and conflicted.
Then, Mydei steps back from the mic and gives the signal to move on with the set. You turn your face away before the next lights come up, blinking hard. Your heart’s racing. You don’t know what happens after this; what this means; what you’re supposed to say.
You only know one thing: That song was yours, and now, it’s his, too.
The hallway outside the dressing rooms is buzzing—crew rushing around, the muffled roar of the crowd still seeping through the walls, someone shouting about cords and lights and encores. But all you can hear is the blood in your ears and your name echoing in Mydei’s voice as he sang your lyrics.
His voice, but your words. Your heart on a scrap of paper you never meant for anyone else to see.
Your footsteps are harsh against the floor as you turn the corner and push the door open. The dressing room is too bright, too sterile compared to the intimacy of the stage. Mydei stands with his back to you, shirt clinging to his skin with sweat, hair pushed off his forehead like he ran his fingers through it too many times.
You close the door behind you with a click. Quiet, but final. He hears it.
“Hey,” he says, not turning around yet.
You stare at the back of his head. “Don’t do that to me.”
Mydei pauses. Slowly, he turns to face you. “I figured you’d be mad.”
“Mad?” You laugh, breath catching somewhere in your throat. “You think I’m mad?”
“You look mad.”
“I am mad,” you snap, taking a step closer, heart pounding. “You sang a song you weren’t supposed to have. You didn’t even ask me, Mydei. You just—just stood there and threw it at me in front of ten thousand people like it meant nothing.”
“It didn’t mean nothing,” he says. “That’s why I sang it.”
You’re both quiet. The silence stretches and tightens until it’s almost unbearable.
“You could’ve told me,” you say finally, voice hoarse. “You could’ve talked to me. About the song. About anything. But you don’t. You never do.”
Mydei exhales slowly, resting his hands on his hips like he’s bracing himself. “I didn’t know how.”
You tilt your head, lips parting in disbelief. “That’s such bullshit, Mydei. We wrote songs together. We told each other everything through music. And now you’re just—standing there, acting like it’s some impossible thing.”
He looks at you, then. Really looks. And for a moment, he’s not the cold, distant version of himself he’s been for months. He’s just him. The boy who used to fall asleep beside you in the tour van. The one who hummed half-finished melodies in your ear at midnight in whatever motel you were crashing in. The one who used to kiss you like the world might end before morning.
“I didn’t know how to say I missed you,” he admits. “So I used your words instead. Because mine never come out right.”
You don’t want to forgive him. You really don’t.
But the hurt in his voice is real. So is the way he’s looking at you—like you’ve always been the only person in the room, and he’s just been waiting to see you again for real.
You take one shaky step forward. Then another.
When your lips crash into his, it isn’t careful or slow. It’s everything you’ve been holding back: Rage, longing, grief, hope. His hands find your face, yours grip his shirt, and everything around you blurs until it’s just him, just the warmth of his mouth and the softness of his sighs and the undeniable truth that this still feels like home.
You part, breathless.
Neither of you speaks at first. You’re still close enough to feel his breath on your cheek, the heat of his skin under your fingertips.
Your voice comes out quieter than you intend when you tell him, “I want to get you back.”
Mydei doesn’t hesitate. “You already have.”
It hits you harder than the kiss did. Something cracks inside you—something small and soft and long-buried. You almost don’t realise you’re crying until he wipes your cheek with the back of his hand.
You let out a breath, something between a laugh and a sob. “I’m still mad at you.”
“I know.” His thumb traces the edge of your jaw. “You’re allowed to be.”
You step back first, gently. He lets you go, but his eyes follow you like he’s afraid you’ll vanish if he blinks.
As you adjust your jacket and run a hand through your hair, something slips from your pocket—folded paper, creased from being handled too many times. You don’t notice, but Mydei does.
He kneels to pick it up after you’re gone, quietly unfolding it to find another unfinished song. Lyrics in your handwriting. His name, half-crossed out and rewritten three times.
He reads the first line. Smiles.
He doesn’t hand it back to you. He tucks it into his jacket, like he already knows how it ends.
[CUT TO BLACK]
Text appears on screen: “Chrysos Heirs: Reunion Tour. THE END.”
ᥫ᭡ LEARNING TO ACCEPT — “If I ever return home, I’d like you to accompany me. It wouldn’t be the same without you.” Dan Heng x GN reader.
Word count: 2.9k
Contains: Dan Heng x GN reader, Dan Heng IL, affection, kissing, making out, cuddling, NSFW content, love bites, scratches, brief (singular) mention of blood, handjob, brief oral, penetration, aftercare
How long has it been? Since completing his duties on the Luofu, Dan Heng has hardly left his room. It doesn’t go unnoticed by any passenger of the Express; even Pom-Pom has begun voicing their concern over the situation. He has always been distant, but not to this extent. Ignoring text messages, leaving knocks on his door unanswered—it’s as though he’s no longer here.
To say it hasn’t been bothering you would be a lie. You don’t blame him for wanting to be alone. Anyone would feel the same way if they had to relive every torturous memory of a past they cannot control. You just miss him—you never thought it would be possible to grieve the presence of someone who is only a few steps away from you.
Walking out of the parlour cabin, you pass by the archives, noticing the gap from the slightly ajar door. As you were about to carry on, you bumped into someone, unsure of who else could be lurking outside of their room at this hour. It was dark, but regardless of light, you know whose hands are gripping both of your arms to stabilise you.
“Dan?” You kept your voice low, respecting his means of privacy. If he doesn’t want anyone to see him, it would be unfair to reveal he’s finally taken a step outside of his room.
“Hello.” His voice was soft, the grip on you loosening while you find your footing.
Without thinking twice, you step towards him and wrap your arms around him, your head resting against his shoulder. As though relieved by your gesture, a huff of air exerts from his mouth as he holds you in an embrace. It’s been a while since he last saw you; he had come to forget how you felt in his grasp.
Just as you were about to talk again, he pressed his finger to your lips. You notice a light flick on down the hall, your bodies slowly backing up into the archives. When safety is ensured, Dan closes the door and brushes past you, clearing a space for you to sit down on his mattress.
The lights remained off, giving the impression to outsiders that no one was home. You take a seat, eyes glued to the messy pillows and blankets beside you. Dan stands at the databank, finalising some pieces while you get yourself comfortable.
“Are you feeling any better?” You inquire, snuggling one of his pillows to your chest.
“Not really. I’ve been trying to take my mind off of things.”
“That’s okay, take your time. Everyone understands, but we all miss you.”
“I missed you too.” Dan smiles to himself, his steps drawing closer. “I left you a gift; it’s outside of your room door. I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“I’ve had trouble sleeping recently. What is it?”
“It’s a teddy bear. I bought it for you when we were in Belebog. I couldn’t find the right time to give it to you—so much has happened since then.”
“Thank you. I’m guessing I’ll be kicked out soon; I’m running all my luck dry.”
“You can stay if you’d like to. Remember to keep quiet about it though, please.”
“I’m good with secrets.”
“I’ve been taking a break from work for a change. I watched all of that series you recommended to me. It was good.”
“Really? You liked it? I have so many more!—”
“Shh.” Dan laughs, keeping his volume down as he places his hand over your mouth. When you settle, he retracts his arm and wraps it around your shoulders. “I did. We can start a new series together if you’d like.”
“I’d like that very much. One that we only watch together.” You beam, poking around his face with your finger until you find his cheek, giving it a light pinch. “That means you have to see me every night. No watching it alone.”
“That would be nice. I’ve been meaning to catch up with you; I’m sorry for leaving your messages unopened. I do see them all. Your words are sweet.”
“Did you see the little kitty plush? It looks just like you!”
“I did. It’s too cute to be me.”
“I think you both look alike. I haven’t seen your face for so long; how do I even know this is Dan Heng? What if you’re a Dan Heng imposter?”
Leaning over you, he flicks on the lamp which produces low lumination, allowing you to gaze upon his facial features. He was in his nightwear, his lips pursed together.
“I know you’re still confused over what you saw on the Luofu. You can ask questions if you’d like.”
“I don’t want to pry. I am worried though.” Upon saying this, his features soften. “You’re not going to leave the Express, are you?”
“Not anytime soon. Don’t stress about that.” Dan reaches for his phone, opening up a streaming app. “I have my reasons to stay.”
“Good. It wouldn’t be the same without you.” You poke your head over, looking at the series he’s selecting to play. “You don’t have to hide your form when you’re with me. I didn’t find it weird; you looked beautiful.”
“Ah, it’s… It’s not like that. I prefer this one. That’s all.” His cheeks flush, eyes flickering up to you then back down to his phone. “There’s too much negativity tied to it. Plus, I don’t exactly blend in.”
“Can I see it again?” You brush your thumb over his hand, a small huff exiting his parted lips.
As your thumb continues to travel his skin, he locks his fingers with yours. Your eyes drift up, the change in his appearance evident. His hair flows behind his back, ears pointy. You instinctively reach to feel the horns crowning his head, but he stops you, holding your forearm in place.
“Let me do it for you.” He speaks in a hushed tone, guiding your fingers around the curve of each horn. The feeling is unlike anything you can think of. They’re much smoother than you imagined.
“Dan, they’re so pretty. Wow…” You’re in awe, captivated by the beauty of the man in front of you. Freeing yourself from his clutch, you tuck a long strand of hair behind his ear and run your finger over the cartilage.
“…” The faint blush on his cheeks darkened, spreading over the ears you have your hands all over. He clears his throat, doing his best to shake the feeling of the way you’re touching him. “Thank you.”
“I think you look amazing. This is who you are; you shouldn’t have to hide it because of a past that’s gotten stuck to you. You’re much better than he ever was.”
As you move back, you catch a glimpse of the wide-eyed expression he’s giving you, his eyes glowing and his mouth twisted into a wide grin. With his arms weaved around your waist, he tugs you closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.
“I want people to see me for who I am. I’ll never be him. I want all of my accomplishments to belong to me. Nothing of mine should be tainted with his name.”
“That’s how it should be.” You bury your hand in his hair, nails scratching his scalp.
“I truly did miss you,” Dan mumbles against your skin, planting a kiss on your collarbone. “You understand me better than anyone else does. I appreciate that.”
“I try my best. I want you to feel that you can come to me for anything. You don’t have to resolve everything alone.”
Planting more pecks along your flesh, he returns to your neck, his tongue trailing up a patch of skin. His fangs graze you, nipping you abruptly. It felt like a needle, causing you to gasp, gritting your teeth while he quickly pulled back.
“I’m so sorry.” He wipes his mouth, a small trickle of blood escaping the puncture. “My teeth are sharper like this. I forgot…”
He places a kiss on top of the small bite mark, lifting you so you straddle his lap. Both of your hands remain on his shoulders, your foreheads pressed against one another. Pulling down his bottom lip, you lean into a kiss. He holds you tightly, allowing you to take the lead. In all truth, he’s terrified of hurting you. It’ll take some adjusting to get used to interacting with others in this form, particularly in more intimate ways.
Your tongue brushes against his, winning the battle and continuing on. It’s clear he’s holding back, but you aren’t willing to push him. Taking things slow will help him; the last thing you want to do is make his discomfort in this form grow worse. You and Dan have established in the past that this relationship has far surpassed friendship, though there’s yet to be an official label. Whatever reason there may be for that is unclear, but you both know your hearts belong together. Neither one of you would look for this with another person.
Fabric rustles while your hips wind against him, too lost in the moment. His hands tremble as they dip under your clothes, index finger gliding around your waistband. You disconnect the kiss, chest heaving. He pulls his sweater from over his head, rolling to the side to trap you under him. One of his knees is lodged in between your legs, pinning you flat to the mattress.
You drag your hands down his torso, dancing over his pecs and down his abs. His breathing turns heavier, eyes half-lidded as he fumbles with undoing the buttons of your attire. Whether it be due to his recent heightened emotions, he almost seems desperate for your touch. Desperate to touch you.
By looking at him, a pang of guilt ripples through your heart. You can’t imagine being subjected to a life like his, having to deal with the sin of something you wish to not associate with. Dan doesn’t deserve to be treated or viewed the way he is. Sitting back up, you wrap your arms around his neck and drag him into another kiss, causing him to fall with you.
This time, you roll on top, holding both of his hands against the pillow. His lips pout, almost as though he were encouraging you to go further. Due to all of the touching, he became hard a while ago. He was waiting for you to be the one to initiate things.
“Sometimes I wonder if you’re the only blessing this life has to give me. I must’ve used up any remaining luck I had to cross paths with you.” He rests back against the headboard, breaking his hands free so he can hold you.
“There’s so much more out there for you. We’ll find them together. We have an entire galaxy to search.”
“And much more beyond that.” He adds, the warm smile reappearing on his face.
You nod, returning your focus to his body beneath you. Sliding down his pants, you see his hardness outlined in his boxers, a small damp spot where pre-cum leaked out. His arousal for you didn’t bring him shame; he was pleased to allow you to see him this way. Vulnerability is something you only share with those you trust most.
Sliding them off, you take his dick into your hand, giving it a stroke before rubbing your thumb over his tip. The sensation shoots tingles up his body, goosebumps appearing up his skin. You continue rhythmically stroking his length, focusing your lips on leaving a trail of marks across his collarbone. He leans forward, allowing you easy access to the back of his neck where his hair covers. Swooping it out of the way, you leave a distinct hickey in a place no one will see. The only two people aware of its presence are you and him. It wouldn’t be the first thing you have both kept secret from everyone else.
Since he was already sensitive, it didn’t take him long to build up a climax, edging closer to an orgasm while you continued your motions. He panted, mouth directly beside your ear as you continued to decorate his skin with kisses and elaborately placed bites. A droplet of cum drips down onto your finger and you stop, wrapping your lips around his tip to clean him up. He swallows the lump in his throat, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand while you sit back up.
After removing your underwear, Dan guides you into the correct position, his tip pressed against your hole. He tilts his head to the side, waiting for you to tell him when you’re ready. With a nod, you lower yourself onto him, feeling him thrust up to speed the process. It didn’t take him long to bottom out inside you; your body is already familiar with his shape, fully accustomed to his size.
You both fall into the natural rhythm, your hips grinding against him while he pushes himself in and out. While he never fails to make you feel good, you intend to dedicate this night to him. He deserves the relief more than you. The longer this played out, the harder it became for Dan to suppress his urges, his knuckles turning white from the force he’s gripping your hips. A bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face, raising your concern.
“Are you all right?” You whisper, planting a kiss on his forehead.
“I’m—” He bites his lip, suppressing the groan that tried to escape. “—I’m fine. It feels nice.”
Gradually, he begins thrusting into you with more power, your body falling forward, unable to remain upright. He rubs your back, now carefully nibbling the exposed section of your shoulder. His teeth glide over you like a dagger, sending a shiver through your core. You reach the peak of your climax, back arched as he continues to fuck into you, relishing the way you react.
His breathing pattern resembles that of a predator in the wild, the deep grumbles and pants revealing how much of his energy he’s exerting to get you this way. Unable to hold on, you release your orgasm, repeating his name quietly as you ride out the waves of pleasure. His nails dig into you, his final few thrusts sloppy. He held you close to his chest as he came inside of you, refusing to break the connection just yet.
Both of you are gasping, exhausted from the intimacy. Taking advantage of his current position, he litters your arm with kisses, lifting you up to get a look at what he has managed to do to you. Your neck has bruised, alongside a few of the bites on your collarbones; a breathtaking sight to see. You’re marked up by him, completely spent. All his.
The silence between you remains until the sound of heavy breathing dies down. When composed, he slips out of you, watching as his cum spills out of your hole. Reaching for a packet of tissues, he cleans himself and then wipes you down, removing the sticky fluid from your body so you don’t become uncomfortable. You roll off of him, lying on your stomach while he stands. As he’s walking to grab you a more comfortable set of clothes to borrow, he catches a glimpse of his appearance from the reflection of a frame on the wall. He had completely forgotten he revealed his true form, not feeling the horrors associated with the person of his past.
Returning to your side, he helps you up and slips a sweatshirt over your head, readjusting your hair for you. Large scratch marks trail down the length of your back, something he’s too ashamed to tell you about at this given moment. You were a mess, but you’re still as flattering in his eyes as you are usually.
“Go get your teddy. It’ll look strange in the morning when people pass by your door. I’m going to use the restroom.”
“I’m tired.” You yawn, pressing your forehead to his chest while he slides back into his pants.
“I’ll grab it for you then. We can watch the first episode of that series while we try to get some sleep. It’s late.” He flashes his phone screen at you, the large numbers declaring 1:01AM.
Silently leaving the archives, Dan grabs the teddy he gifted you from the floor of the passenger cabin as he redirects himself to the restroom. While in there, he can’t help but stare at himself in the mirror, realising he has a smile on his face as opposed to the usual sombre expression when he sees himself this way. A snicker leaves his mouth as he notices in detail each tiny mark you left on him, rendering it equal to the damage he left on you.
Tossing the teddy at you, Dan climbs back under the blankets and rests his head against yours, clicking play on the first episode of a series he had been hoping to watch with you. Even though you were drowsy, you kept yourself awake with small talk, grateful he trusted you enough to allow you to enter his personal space during such a tough time. As the episode plays out, you can see Dan waiting for the correct opportunity to speak.
“If I ever return home, I’d like you to accompany me. It wouldn’t be the same without you.” His tone was matched by the tender smile on his face, squeezing you tighter in the cuddle.
“I’ll go wherever you go. We’ll stay by each other’s side for the rest of time.” You reply, closing your eyes with a passionate flare sparking flames in your heart. You can rest peacefully knowing that no matter how long it takes, you’ll ensure he can live freely in his own body, being able to experience all the joys life has to offer without feeling the need to hide.
"All you are to me is a bleak obsession
I am the mark intent on burning the street
How many times can I ask you?
How many days can I go without you?"
Hǎoshì chéng shuāng. 好事成双. Good things come in pairs, even if the pair in question is a homicidal crow and a brokenhearted cryptologist.
art by @ ma_mori74 on x!!! moze can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. (joke) (not really) this was kinda rushed so :3
errr consider this like part 3 of tales of a disgruntled corvid
pairing: moze + male reader
warnings: nsfw, male reader, mentions of blood/death/violence, alcohol consumption, jealousy
wc: 4.5k
HONKAI STAR RAIL MASTERLIST
MASTERLIST ・゜・NAVIGATION
Hǎoshì chéng shuāng. 好事成双. Good things come in pairs.
Fortune. It is a humorous concept for Moze: tasting of a fleeting childhood dream and the dregs of hope. Fortune, as some know it, comes in all forms. From gilt wealth and corruption, to finding a strale dropped on the street and getting to bed on time—everyone, it seems, tastes good fortune somewhere along their paltry lives.
Moze’s good luck surmounts to meagre things: not getting blood beneath his nails after a mission; evading the prying eyes of the Yaoqing as he slinks into the shadows; working by himself; and most of all, not running into you. Good luck equals a tidy house and leftovers in his fridge. Good luck equals not needing to stock up on the tools of his trade and knives that don’t need sharpening. Good luck equals a fresh steamed bun and a slow day perched on the roof of a building.
The point must be made. Moze does not experience auspicious encounters often.
Conversely, those afflicted by confirmation bias might say misfortune comes in threes. Misfortune, for Moze, is significantly easier to quantify—but to stratify it into threes grossly underestimates the cesspit of chance he’s been allotted.
One: being outside currently at Jiaoqiu’s food stall while rain drizzles down on him. It could be argued it’s only by his own volition that he’s slurping on steaming chilli-infused noodles as petrichor stains the air, yet that stupid fox decided this was the way to go in terms of conveying intelligence from Feixiao. This was the hell crafted by Jiaoqiu’s hands seeped green with pungent herbs.
Two: getting his apartment lease renewal rejected a week ago over a development project at his block. Though he had been planning on starting afresh—never one to stay in the same area for too long, just like the rest of the Shadow Guards—he quite liked the nondescript studio. It’s a tidy place: plain and unassuming. What a pity. He’s read the message from his landlord over and over: growing a tad bit more incensed each time.
Three: the sudden absence of suitable apartments in the districts that he sticks to. None of the flats he browsed were innocuous enough, and the ones that were perfect for his schedule and profession were in dismal condition.
Four: you purchasing a flat a month ago which perfectly fulfilled his conditions. Two-bedroom, in the lower districts of the Yaoqing, with reclusive neighbours and a walking distance of the Seat of Divine Foresight. Had he gotten the notice for his lease rejection earlier, it might’ve been him there.
Five: upon asking about his dilemma, Feixiao’s eyes gleaming bright. This was the indicator for certain disaster—an omen as ill as he ever saw. And unfortunately, her gaze next fell on the scripts you were working on, before flickering back up to you. Shit. That was the only thought running through his mind, before she pitched her idea to have him simply move in with you. Say no, he pleaded mentally, but alas—
“Sure,” you mutter, red ink spilling from your pen onto the parchment. Bold characters sign the form off and the letter is folded neatly onto a cycrane absent-mindedly; before you finally look up at the assassin who flinches as your eyes land on his. “S’long as he pays rent.”
Six: you agreeing to this stupid deal. Why? Why? It can’t possibly be the deep veneration for the Arbiter General. Surely your adoration of her cannot be deep enough to let this guy room in your house—an assassin, at that. You aren’t a follower of Qlipoth, but where the hell is your sense of preservation?
Seven: him not actually finding any fault in the building. Not in the surroundings, nor the modest room across from yours, nor the lazy grin on your face as you showed him around the apartment—still expecting him to vehemently shake his head.
He signed the damned contract, and that was that.
“What’s got you sighing?” Jiaoqiu eyes him from where he’s pulling noodles: sleeves rolled back to avoid dusting the salmon hues with flour. Fragrant red wafts from the pot on the stove, and he’s suddenly reminded of the crimson shirt you wore just this morning—rippling around the taut lines of sinew and muscle as you worked diligently on decrypting ancient alchemical texts. “I thought you found yourself a place to stay, so why the long face?”
Moze keeps his silence. Well, tries to—but it’s not like a singular word will make him any less laconic. Tapping his chopsticks against the rim of the blue-toned porcelain, he evades the question and focuses right on the middle of Jiaoqiu’s sentence. “Somehow.”
“Right! Your dearest partner—” Jiaoqiu drags the word out, characters stretched tight until they wind right against Moze’s eardrums. He glares: visibly annoyed, yet this only makes the man in his peripherals close his own eyes in satisfaction. “—took pity on you, didn’t he?”
“Maybe.” The assassin slams down the rest of the piquant broth: lips dripping with sanguine. His response is a question in itself—because why the hell did you agree to Feixiao’s request?
“Curious?” Of course he’s curious.
“It’s not much of a surprise, really,” the foxian sighs, twisting the strands into a neat circle and letting it drop into the boiling water. “Poor thing’s probably still in shock from his breakup. I think he would’ve agreed to pretty much anything coming out of Feixiao’s mouth at that point.”
The man can only stare incredulously. Every part of that sentence is laden with a bombshell.
“Wow, I thought you would’ve known. Guess what’s said at Qiu’er’s stays there too.” Jiaoqiu’s golden eyes gleam slightly at the mention of the downtown bar. No, Moze didn’t know. No, Moze isn’t currently outright staring at the man no longer in his peripherals. No, Moze cannot hear his chopsticks creaking beneath his grasp. “Woah, don’t break those.”
The fox eyes the crow warily. “Seriously. Cool it.”
Eight: you’re still not over your boyfriend cheating on you. In the drizzle beneath the canopy, this is how your new roommate diligently listens to how his work partner and resident cryptologist really can’t catch a break from bad men.
“That includes you, you know,” Jiaoqiu squints at an unusually contemplative Moze. Flickering amber lights and the buzz of cicadas makes the assassin seem even more shady than usual. “You don’t have a chance, so don’t even try.”
“The hell are you talking about?” For someone like Moze, his piece of good fortune is that his voice remains steady in almost any sort of situation. This means that anyone hearing this man speak right now would naturally presume he’s affronted at Jiaoqiu’s response out of its complete implausibility. But on the flip side, those who’ve known Moze longer have learnt to watch for other irritated tells of his rather than a wavering voice. The subconscious flex of long fingers. Minute shifts in the elbows propped up on the bar. Biting the inside of his lip, just enough that it’s unnoticeable. But these aren’t things the assassin really takes stock of.
For a brief moment, Jiaoqiu’s friendly smile drops and he peers at the man askance. Is he brain dead? “...Okay.”
And that is how the tall man—hunched over in the downpour to not let his noodles get too cold—first learns of matters of a more personal note of yours. In the rare grey skies that cast over the Yaoqing, it’s a chance to digest this information he’s learnt.
But he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t.
・゜゜
A painful month passes for Moze.
There’s nothing else to describe it—psychological torment is the only fitting description of your behaviour. Outwardly, nothing changes. He still hates you, and you still hate him—two arguing peas in a pod with a mutual dislike being the only thing in common between the two of you. Outwardly, behaviour-wise, nothing changes. Outwardly, appearance-wise, something does.
He first notices it about three weeks after that waterlogged conversation with Jiaoqiu. There’s a faint aroma of sweet-smelling smoke on you—a long cigarette holder between your fingers as you read a thick book on the couch. He’s never seen the thing before in all your months together. Sure, the Yaoqing tobacco scent fades quickly away to not linger in the case of a borisin’s especially sharp senses—but he’s never seen that sort of heavy-lidded expression on you before. When you glance at him, it’s usually irritatedly—not like this, where your glance is hazy and your lips are parted to blow plumes from your mouth.
Shit. He doesn’t quite know why his heart speeds up.
The second thing he notices is that every week or so, there’s a clinging perfume to your body: never your usual clean scent, one that clearly belongs to a different person. This is the same time he starts noticing you slipping on shirts with longer necks on missions—a darker imprint just about peeking above the material.
He’s not an idiot. He can put two and two together.
The third instance of misfortune is your habit of wandering around after a shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around your waist conservatively. Sure, the area from your hips to your knees is covered—but what about the rest? He finds himself growing more irritable during work hours. Marks not caused by injuries still bruise your skin; as you turn your back in the kitchen to make yourself a mug of tea, his eyes rove the dips and valleys of your back. Categorising each wound. Systematically detailing each little infringement on your skin.
He doesn’t particularly know why. Maybe his obsession with tidiness crosses over to people too.
・゜゜
It happens like this. Occasionally, a man as ill-fortuned as Moze receives gets a break.
There’s a tumbler of whiskey on the low coffee table in the living room. Polished chestnut—if you had to describe it—with the light shining through the amber liquid just so, until it reflects onto the varnished surface. A cube of ice sits dainty in the middle, clinking as you tip the glass this way and that.
“Don’t spill it,” the assassin murmurs. From behind the couch, breath ghosting just past your ear. You don’t shriek (perhaps he hoped you would)—you don’t even glance his way.
“I feel like that was a redundant warning,” you remark brusquely, taking a swill of the liquor. It’s sweeter than it would’ve been normally: courtesy of the saccharine pipe nestled betwixt your fingers and the smoke still lingering in your mouth. “Were you hoping I’d jump?”
“Yes.” Short. To the point. Laconic. That’s how those outside this home would describe the man currently leaning down, hands splayed on the backrest of the couch. “We’ve got a mission tomorrow, and you still haven’t done the dishes.”
“It’s your turn,” he adds, because he likes seeing how this man’s expression wrinkles in exasperation, likes that stupid cant of your head—for it means Moze has won this little encounter. It’s all because he strongly dislikes his roommate, no other reason.
“You suck.” Syrupy plumes ghost his face as you exhale into his face above—he doesn’t move back, even as the traces of burnt caramel become far more prominent, even as it feels like you’re blowing him a kiss more than anything.
“And you need to clean and go to sleep before you’re late,” he grits out, more annoyed than he was a moment ago. He’d say it was due to your lack of responsibility, but this angle allows the loose robe to expose your bitten collarbone—like some stupid fucking trophy. “Like you always are.”
“I’m never late, A-ze,” you enunciate each word in such a way that makes it clear you’re not drunk—so clearly the nickname is just to piss him off. A last-ditch middle finger; a threat that hasn’t worked for some time, one that makes his stomach churn uncomfortably but not enough to admit defeat. “You’re just up stupid early.”
He goes silent, in the way he does when you’re right. Instead of saying anything, he instead plucks the glass from your hand: downing the smooth alcohol from where you drank it, enjoying how for once your mouth closes just like his. The pipe in your hand tilts this way and that as you take a drag thoughtfully—recovering far too quickly for his liking.
“A-ze.” Like this, with wisps exiting your mouth and silk draped over you, you look good enough to eat. He freezes at the implication of his thoughts, freezes at the sound of the name blanketed in some gruesome replica of affection. He hates it; hates how his heart squeezes and a faint flush of red dusts his cheekbones. Aeons.
It is common knowledge to not toss a starving dog a bone before it hungers for more.
“What, you don’t hate it anymore? Here I was, hoping you’d turn tail and leave,” you sigh, theatrically despondent—much like you normally are. Too damn dramatic for your own good.
So desperate, drinking your sorrows away as if that’ll possibly work. He scoffs, striding the short distance over so he can tower over from the front.
“Maybe you just like calling me that,” he breathes. There’s a smile playing on his lips: the rare one he gets when he knows he’s got a point, knows when he’s right. It’s unconscious—he’s far too oblivious to notice it only occurs around you.
“I do,” you murmur. “Bet it warms your heart though. No one likes you enough to call you that.”
“So you like me?” There’s an odd buzz in his veins tonight. As the orange lights from the street blink into existence, and the room is no longer illuminated by ‘day’, he’s glad for the darkness that conceals the heat in his face. Your clothing rustles as you stand—practically nose to nose with the man in front of you.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Xiaoze,” you mutter, and the heated breath from your lips fans over his sensitive skin—mingling with the tobacco wisps and alcohol vapour. He swallows. “It’s pity.”
“Pity?” he sneers. “Like how you sleep around to get over your boyfriend? That’s not pitiful?”
“Like I said—” your tone becomes frigid as you shift closer: until his chest brushes up against yours, until he can count every lash that glows amber in the incandescent street lamps, until he can practically taste the rolling fury off your tongue. Warm. Scalding heat ebbs from your body and flows right into his own. “—don’t get ahead of yourself, Xiaoze.”
His breath comes in ragged waves. So close. When he stands so near to a human, it typically means he’s feeling life flow from them. Not like this; but he cannot bring himself to get away.
He’s never been more thankful for his unwavering voice.
“Don’t give bones to starving dogs,” he murmurs, mellifluous rather than jarringly annoying. “They’ll bite.”
Smoke wafts into his face as you survey his expression: flushed, brows knitted taut, lips still slick with liquor.
“So you’re a dog, now?” Your fingers graze his chin, canting his head this way and that as he makes no moves to evade your grasp: heart beating miserably in his chest. There’s a strange sort of hunger in your gaze.
He’s never seen it before.
“No, it was proverbial—” Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “—you know?”
“Just as desperate as one,” you mutter. Trailing your finger down until they graze his collarbones, it’s no wonder he flinches—and you stare at him, unimpressed. “If I tell people about this, your reputation would immediately disintegrate. How many years have you cultivated that stupid mysterious image?”
“Hah—who would believe you?” It’s true, not many people would—but alas, the important ones have already witnessed this man looking at you.
“Jiaoqiu, but I guess he already knows what a loser you are.” And you miss how when he lowers his head, he looks like a completely different person—flushed visage mired in shadow, like the assassin he truly is. He’s staring right at you, unblinking as he watches the cruel movement of your lips.
“Don’t talk about him right now.”
And so, you don’t.
・゜゜
This is the prelude leading up to this particularly humiliating scene.
Humiliating, because propping himself up on his elbows on your bed isn’t a position he thought he’d ever find himself in. Humiliating, because he never gets drunk, so why the hell is his head spinning? Humiliating, because for once the mellow deep of his voice is pitched a note higher—larynx taut with suppressed groans. Unsteady, in a way his voice has never been.
You taste like the pipe still tipping in your fingers: candy-sweet and saccharic. But there’s also the heavy aroma of liquor on your breath, mingling bittersweet with the plumes of smoke wafting from your fingers. Beneath that, blood from a scrape on your lip—acrid and metallic. That is what he knows, so your lips moving gently against his feels so utterly foreign: and not just in the way they taste.
When you pull back for air, his eyes are blown wide in surprise; his mouth has only ever been used to bite, after all. You seem to instinctively know this as you take a long drag from the stick, blowing the curls of vapour into his mouth when you pull back in: to induce a slight tingle into him presumably (but Lan knows he doesn’t need aid to feel that buzz).
Languorous. That’s how he’d describe it—for it seems you only ever work lazily. There’s no hurry as you lick past the seam of his lips. There’s no hurry as both your scalding mouth and your arid fingertips trail downwards, past the vales of his tense abdomen. There’s no hurry—but Aeons he wishes there was, for your hand slipping under his shirt and against his stiffened nipples are much too damn slow.
“Do you—do you even know what you’re doing?” he mocks, like he isn’t currently jolting as you roll the pink flesh between searing fingers. You raise a brow: lucid against the otherwise irritated thoughts.
“Do I?” you copy his broken whine, gripping the fat of his tits coarsely while the rise and fall of his chest becomes ever so slightly more shallow. If only he could see himself right now: jarred at every turn, pupils blown out, and the residual sheen on his lips. Every damn hue of purple littering his neck and collarbone. And if only you could see better in this darkness—spot that obsessive fervour in his gaze, one neither of you are quite aware of.
“Do you have any experiences to compare it to?” you counter, twisting your hand while he glares at you heatedly. Nothing. Quiet as a corpse when you make an irrefutable point.
No, that’s right, you grin sardonically as you slip the long cigarette back into its place on your nightstand. Syrup drips from your mouth as you twine your free hand in his hair, tugging until he groans into your lips with his own in that mellifluous cadence.
You’re harsh as winter.
No, cruel.
Cruel, as you trail your hand from his chest to his waistband—palming him roughly through his pants. Cruel, as you pinion his hips against your bed to prevent them from bucking into your hand—fingers digging desperately against your sheets as you grind against him. Cruel, as you swallow each whine with your warm mouth: so sweet, so gentle even as you wrench your hand into sinew, flesh and everything beyond. He can taste the arid heartbeat through your mouth, and he’s sure you can feel his own—pulsing hotly as he yields his worries to you, just for a moment.
Or two.
He’s inexperienced, but even he knows what the tension in his abdomen signifies. The distinct tremors in his legs, the pain as he digs his nails into your thigh, the tightness coiling his body into rigidity. Puppet-like beneath your machinations: manipulated this way and that way with strings unseen.
Fucking his hand has never felt like this.
As he writhes, he greedily swallows you whole. Taking everything, including your bloodied lips, including the faint caramel tracing your tongue, including the strangled gasp as he grasps your nape with burning urgency. Aeons. He’s breathless; judged human lust far too soon. Against your brutal palm, the fabric of his trousers is slick with his release—wet patch a testament to his sin.
Yet still you rock against him as he rides out the mind-numbing pleasure: limbs infinitely heavier from the tension suddenly all releasing.
But he forgets how cruel you are.
One final sweet kiss later—nails raking past his scalp and the other hand warmly pressed against his cheek—and you pull away with a lazy smile.
“Go to sleep.” The directive jolts him awake, like a bucket of ice-cold water breaking apart a dream. Dissolved like candy, like the damn fluid in Penacony connecting the conscious and unconscious. “We’ve got a mission tomorrow, remember?”
Like the cat that got the cream, you smile Cheshire-bright. A fucking riddle on your lips. “And I still have to do the dishes, remember?”
He’s left stupefied: numb lips, a reeling head, and an impercipient body. Once more, the shower he douses himself in is frigid—but nothing could be as cold as what just occurred.
What the hell?
He presses his palm to the lower half of his face in shock.
What the hell?
Seriously, there’s something wrong with you. And as he glances down, he realises with utmost horror that his problem has not yet died down yet.
What the hell?
Important things must be said thrice. Duplicitous in nature, Moze’s fate both turns for the worse and better simultaneously.
The bone has been tossed. What will the starving dog do?
・゜゜
All actions have consequences.
That is a proverb universally recognised by all walks of life: trodden on by kings, revered by alchemists, and vowed by the weak. You reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. Equivalent exchange.
The natural outcome from that night is mutual silence. You don’t speak of that evening, and neither does he—face flush with implication, yet unwilling to actually divulge his thoughts on the matter. Sure, he finds himself with his hand attempting to recreate your rough friction (teeth clenched around his shirt as he paws at his lean chest)—but it never quite works, and all of his colleagues are privy to his especially curt mood.
Joint missions with you are now a thing painful. Tense.
The strings that bind him to you are taut with the feeling. Constricting, tightening, until he can sense their imminent breakage.
This leads this unusual pair to this scenario. You, fresh out a shower and post the nth mission of this month. It’s only been three weeks since that night, and watching you meander about the kitchen with only a towel slung low on your hips is giving him heart palpitations. Steam curls from your body; each time you shift, he’s excruciatingly aware of how it appears just like that smoke from that night.
“A-ze. What do you want?”
That’s the golden question—what snaps him out of the trance—and makes him realise he’s practically pressed up against you from the back. No, scratch practically. His arms are on either side of the counter, pinning you in position as you continue stirring the fragrant drink. Feeling that damned sear of your skin is driving him into the throes of madness.
He wraps his arms around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck and not heeding the rivulets that seep into his clothes. So warm, he wants to murmur—but talking is for those who want to speak, and he does not want to. Not in this moment, where he’s appreciating the soap you used, the lotion spread onto damp skin, the inherent smell of you.
His teeth graze the vulnerable juncture. You turn, and he can see your eyes waver, feel the rapid thrum of your pulse as you become aware of just how desperate he is. “A-ze.” And your hands roam his waist, tracing the taut muscles betraying his anticipation.
His lips are heated as he leans into you: a snarling mess. Trembling fingers trace the expanse of your soft body, like you’ll ghost away just like the wisps you smoke.
“Need you.” It’s not a plea—the rough deep of his voice makes him sound demanding, as arrogant as ever. “Haven’t I behaved?”
He’s so damn desperate as he grasps your body: bruising and fatal. He’s desperate as he kisses you heatedly, desperate while your hands brush past the feverish skin of his stomach, desperate as you push him against the couch—too hasty for the bedroom. Now, he chokes out. Now, now, now. Please.
Pliant beneath your hands, it’s not exactly the longest time until he’s gasping beneath you. So tight, you may have commented: drunk on the sensation of him fluttering around your probing fingers. Aeons.
He’s so malleable: arching into you as soon as you line yourself up. It almost makes you feel bad for him: feeling him flinch whenever you brushed past him, watching his face bloom scarlet as he saw the marks on his neck in the hallway mirror. Almost.
It’s because he’s so cute like this: drooling amidst all the broken noises as you slam into him. You’ve never quite seen him this dishevelled, not even during that night. Hungrily, he’s sucking you right in—paying no heed to suppressing the almost-pained moans dribbling past his open lips.
What a mess.
Physically, it can only be described as such. White globs decorate his flushed skin messily: pearlescent in the dim lights of the living room. He can’t even begin to count how many times his weeping tip has stiffened, not when you’re so damn insistent that he forgets how to speak properly. It’s not like you’re any better; each time you look down there’s that frothy ring that strings you two together.
Emotionally, it’s also quite the mayhem. You don’t particularly know where to look when his eyes have that gleam in them—a sort of fervour that one rarely ever sees. Even now—pupils hazed with lust and eyelids lowered heavily—he’s staring right up at you, content as can be whilst you drill mercilessly into him.
Fuck.
“Come on, you—ah—can do better than that,” he taunts. As though he doesn’t look completely fucked-out, as though there aren’t tears leaking from his foggy eyes. You’re not sure where he gets his audaciousness from.
He’s beautiful.
“This is why no one likes you,” you hiss, sharply tugging his hair back to hear his surprised whines. Supplicantly, he does exactly what you expect. Loser. Aeons, he sucks.
“Yeah?” he grins. “What does that say about you?”
“That I’m a no one from the Intelligenstia Guild,” you answer against his neck, feeling his throat constrict as he swallows. Though it’s only minutely, his nails dig somewhat deeper into the flesh of your back—marking you up just as much as you’ve marked him. An acknowledgement of your words.
Well.
You suppose you’ve always been drawn to the pathetic ones.
a lil hurt comfort, def not proof read i was half asleep writing this LMAO
very self indulgent
major endgame persona 3 reload spoilers below!! read with caution!!
Makoto recognized where the two were almost instantly; they were in Gekkoukan’s music club room. Stacks of papers lined the shelves behind the piano. Vacant seats filled the left side of the room, a miscellaneous assortment of instruments filling the right. There was nothing outside the two sets of doors, and the only thing allowed in was the faux sunlight that painted the room a mixture of golds and oranges. It was almost exactly like the day they first met.
The soft sound of piano keys rang through the air, golden sunshine dusting the skin of the boy sitting at the bench. Ryoji’s delicate hands played the instrument with ease, and even though the melody was simple, it was enough to make Makoto sit beside him, watching as he played.
Ryoji finished his song, silence hanging in the air between them. Neither wanted to speak, they knew what this conversation was about to entail, and neither were willing to begin.
Ryoji grabbed onto the end of his yellow scarf, letting out a gentle sigh, “You know, you amaze me, Makoto.” The blue haired boy didn’t reply, just waited for Ryoji to continue. “Did you know you were going to die?”
Makoto gave a silent nod, his eyes fixated on the keys of the piano. The pristine white reflected his pale face; he was still recovering from the mysterious illness that caused his sudden death. “You know they will mourn you, right? And they will never know what you truly did for them?” Makoto nodded once more, still unable to look at his companion.
The two went back to their moment of silence as Ryoji tried to figure out what he should say, more accurately what he could say. Makoto made his choice when giving his life to defeat Nyx, but he didn’t understand it. Wasn’t life supposed to be precious? “You only live once” is what others say, so why throw that life away for others?
Makoto’s first words of their shared time came out so suddenly it caught Ryoji entirely off guard, “I wish you could have lived.”
Ryoji felt himself tense, inhaling a sharp breath, “Makoto, I was never meant to live, not like you or your friends.”
“But-” His voice was shaking now, his hands trembling. “I wanted you to live, I wanted us to live.”
Ryoji smiled, his hands finding their way back to the keys or the piano. The music filled the mostly quiet room as he considered his friend’s words carefully. “Life is so many things,” He started, his fingers grazing over each key gently. “It’s unfair, it’s terrifying.” The melody of Ryoji’s song increased in intensity, but it still sounded beautiful. There was almost a haunting aura about the minor key he played in. “Yet so beautiful,” Ryoji turned his attention away from the piano to look at Makoto.
Makoto could feel the eyes on his head, so he looked up, locking eyes with Ryoji.
“You’re so beautiful,” Ryoji mumbled, the song slowing as it began to come to its end.
“Ryoji,” Makoto stuttered his name out, moving closer. Their legs collided as Makoto wrapped his arms around the man beside him. The embrace brought an ubrupt end to the song, but Ryoji didn’t care. His arms wrapped tightly around Makoto’s torso, inhaling deeply.
The two sat like that for what felt like years. The hug had said so many things that had been left unspoken before the two’s untimely departure.
“Let’s rest here a while, yeah?” Ryoji said to Makoto in a gentle whisper.
Makoto shook his head vigorously in agreement, “I’d like that. I would like that a lot.”
catch of breath, choke, gulp, heave, inhale, pant, puff, snort, wheeze, huff, rasp, sharp intake of air, short of breath, struggle for breath, swallow, winded
This has been in my drafts since January and I figured you guys might like it :)
Staff parties are just the worst.
Well, they're the best, but for all the wrong reasons: They’re noisy and messy, and you get an excuse to spend time with handsome men under the guise of simply being colleagues.
You're exceptionally drunk, perched beside your team in a rowdy bar as you watch them misbehave.
Serizawa is flushed a happy pink, tipsy but still managing to keep himself together. Dimple, possessing his favoured security guard for the night, is plastered against Serizawa's side. Reigen, however, is much worse for wear. He's slumped over the table as Serizawa is speaking, eyes half-lidded and likely not paying attention.
Wait. Serizawa is speaking.
"-maybe that's why? I guess I just never tried..." He’s saying, a little forlorn but soft as always.
You shake your head and shuffle up in your seat, leaning over to nudge Reigen. "What's he talking about?" You hiss, hoping you don't make it obvious.
Reigen shrugs sloppily, his shoulder bumping yours as he lurches. "Dunno."
"Dimple said Mob was talking about first kisses this morning," Says Serizawa, shifting in his seat to address you directly. He doesn’t look upset at your poor listening skills, more amused.
Clearly you weren't being subtle enough.
"Then he asked if I'd had one, and I haven't. I’d like to, though.” He shrugs. “Maybe one day.”
Now that you're caught up, you gape at Serizawa.
"So you've never been kissed?" You ask, leaning forward. "Like, at all?"
He shakes his head but doesn't look bothered at all. It's more like he's stating a fact, but it makes you feel a little bad for him.
Reigen laughs uproariously. "Never been kissed?!" He claps Serizawa on his shoulder from across the table. "That's gotta suck!"
"I guess you can relate." Dimple smirks from behind the lip of his beer bottle.
Reigen almost inhales his cocktail through his nose and you have to beat his back to stop him from choking to death.
"N-not at all!" He cries, desperately waving his hands around. "I've kissed plenty of people in my life-"
"I'll kiss you." You cut in, making Reigen choke again. “If you want one, that is.”
Serizawa turns even pinker and he looks over at you shyly. "R-right now?" He squeaks. “Here?”
"Sure." You shrug.
It feels bad knowing Serizawa has never experienced the joys of kissing someone, and you want to offer the chance in a comfortable setting.
Serizawa looks excited and adorably bashful when he nods in agreement.
You’re a little surprised he’s bold enough to take you up on the offer, but you suppose with a few drinks in him, he’s braver than he might usually be in a social setting.
Untangling yourself from your seat, you swap sides at the table to sit next to him, bumping Dimple with your hip until he acquiesces and moves to your seat.
Meanwhile, Reigen makes his grievances known.
"This is so unprofessional-" He starts, brows furrowing.
"Yeah? What do you know about being a professional?" Dimple snips back, watching you and Serizawa closely. "Let the kid learn!"
"You would say that, pervert." Reigen slurs. “And I’m always professional.”
Ignoring their bickering, you place Serizawa's hands where they need to be; one on the side of your face, and the other on your waist, and roll your shoulders back as though you’re preparing for some strenuous exercise. A first kiss is serious business and it wouldn’t be beneficial to him to fuck it up. You want Serizawa to relax, to learn that these things aren’t as scary as they might seem, so that when he does find someone he wants to try it with again, he won’t freeze up and ruin his own chances. From what you’re seen, Serizawa is pretty skilled at that.
Beet red and wide eyed, Serizawa’s gaze darts all over your face, from your own eyes to your mouth and back again. He’s evidently already overthinking this.
"A-are you sure you're okay with this?" Serizawa asks, voice cracking.
You nod feverishly.
Serizawa is very handsome and very cute, so it's hardly a chore to indulge him in the art of making out.
You lean into his palm with a warm, encouraging smile, and dip your head until your lips meet his.
Someone at the table makes a small, high pitched noise but you're not sure if it's Serizawa or one of the others.
The kiss is simple; you don't want to frighten him by adding anything too complex, yet he's eager and surprisingly natural in his movements.
Serizawa makes a content little noise and leans into you, hand tightening on your waist to pull you closer. He tastes like cheap beer and buttery edamame, a whisper of sweetness amongst the heavy alcohol.
Much to your pleasant surprise, his lips part after a moment and you gently tease him into a slightly deeper kiss.
Serizawa seems to be enjoying himself and you're happy to indulge him if he wants to try something more.
When you pull away, you drag your teeth across his lower lip gently and he smiles, hazy, chasing your mouth with his own for a moment.
Dimple lets out a low whistle from across the table and leans forward on the table, chin propped in his hands as he watches with rapt attention.
You break apart with a soft smack! and Serizawa looks over at you like you've punched him in the nose. He's dazed and his gaze is totally unfocused, but there's a little smile on his face and it’s clear that he’s quite happy with his demonstration.
"Okay?" You ask quietly, face still close to his.
Serizawa nods slowly. “Uh huh….”
You grin, squeezing his shoulder as he releases you, and you stand from your stolen seat to go back to your own.
"There you go, it isn’t that exciting, really, but now you know." You shrug.
Dimple laughs, elbowing Reigen in the ribs as he gets up.
"Seems pretty excited to me!" He smirks.
You give him a good-natured shove on the way past before you drop back down next to Reigen.
Now that your focus is back on the room at large, you notice that your boss looks like he's going through all five stages of grief simultaneously; Reigen is clutching his drink tight, gaze fixed on the table top with his jaw set tightly shut. He barely acknowledges you when you sit down again, looking like he's ready to burst at the seams.
"Are you okay?" You ask, giving him a gentle nudge with your shoulder. "If you're gonna puke, you better do it outside."
Reigen glances at you from the corner of his eye. He doesn’t look pleased at all and you feel like you might have just made a mistake.
"'M gonna go get some air." He mutters finally, sliding out of his seat.
Reigen snatches up the half-empty box of cigarettes on the table and stumbles unsteadily off his stool without another word. He doesn't even have the grace to make up an excuse before he leaves.
You watch him go, hesitant to follow him.
“What's his problem?” Dimple says, rolling his eyes. “He’s been so stuck up lately.”
It’s true; for the past week in particular, Reigen has been in a sour mood.
The first time it had been noticeable was the Monday morning you’d worn your first skirt of the summer to the office. It had been hot and stuffy, and you weren’t about to bother with cloying tights or trousers, however Reigen had taken one look at you and gone to work in the spare room until lunchtime. He’d made a few quiet comments about dressing professionally as a woman until Dimple had told him that he’d wear the same thing if Reigen didn’t stop bothering you about it. Since then, he’d done nothing but sulk and avoid you.
The general chatter amongst the three of you returns, until a few minutes of his absence turn into twenty, and eventually you realise you're going to have to go and fetch him. He’s either grouchy again or he’s passed out somewhere and aspirated on his own vomit, and neither seem like a pleasant end to an otherwise fun night.
You excuse yourself and pick your way through the throngs of suits until you reach the exit at the front of the bar.
It takes a few seconds of scanning until you spot Reigen, bathed in the flickering light of the bar’s sign. His grey suit reflects the ugly neons, marring it an odd blue-green, and he stands out against the dim street. He’s trapped behind the ropes of the smoking section nearby, halfway through his cigarette and staring off into the night sky.
Silently, you come to stand at his side.
"How long does it take to smoke?" You laugh, hoping to ease the immediate tension he gives off.
Reigen shrugs, running his tongue over his teeth.
You frown at his unusual silence, slightly concerned that he can barely even bother to dein you with a simple 'hello'.
"Have I upset you?" You ask gently.
Reigen's eyes dart to you, though he stays facing forward, and he clears his throat.
"No, I just…" He sighs around the filter of his cigarette, shaking his head. "It's nothing."
To his right, there's an old looking bench that's clearly been shoved into the corner here for the drunkest smokers to sit at. It's probably to deter people from sitting on the floor when they're wasted and making the place look untidy.
You take a seat on it and gesture for him to sit beside you, running your hands over your arms to ward off the chill of the night.
Reigen looks uncomfortable at your offer but does as he's told anyway. He keeps a distance from you and focuses on puffing out a crude smoke circle so that he doesn't have to look at you.
"Reigen, if I've done something to upset you then it's not nothing." You press him for more detail, shuffling up to sit closer.
You don't care if he doesn't want to be near you, you're starting to panic that you might have ruined a friendship that's extraordinarily important to you.
Reigen is a great boss and an even better friend. He's smart and kind, and he's the most compassionate person you've ever met. For all of his faults, he's an incredible guy.
It doesn't help that you're a little bit in love with him, of course.
No one else in the office knows. You've kept it to yourself and tried to ignore it; the affection you hold for him is inappropriate after all. He's your boss and if you were to confess, he'd only reject you on those grounds. You'd end up losing your job and your friends, and you can't stand the thought of that happening. It's better to just ignore it and admire him from afar.
At your side, Reigen sighs quietly and takes a long drag on his cigarette. He holds his breath for a moment and you can see the cogs in his mind turn as he weighs up if it's worth telling you. After a pause, he breathes out a long puff of smoke and flicks the ash from the end of it. The cherry glows red in the darkness.
"I'veneverbeenkissedeither." Reigen mumbles, ducking his head.
It comes out as a long string of words, barely understandable, and you frown.
"Huh?"
Reigen groans. His shoulders rise up around his ears and you realise that he's embarrassed about whatever he's trying to say.
"I've never been kissed either." He repeats through gritted teeth, eyes fixed on the distance.
"Oh." You breathe.
Oh.
He's not angry, he's jealous.
“But you said-”
“I lied.” He huffs. “Obviously.”
Reigen looks mortified the moment he admits it aloud, his cheeks turning pinker than they had been inside. He sucks in a sharp breath and cringes away from you, humiliated.
"I'm sorry," he cringes. "That was dumb- I shouldn't have said anything, I was just-"
"You're kidding, right?" You say, unable to keep the disbelief from your voice.
Reigen rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, hanging his head as though he's ashamed by it. "No." He mutters.
You're genuinely a bit surprised. "Oh, I just figured…."
"Figured what?" Reigen says, a little bitter. "That people would actually like me?"
The way he says it makes your heart bleed.
Reigen is quite the charmer. You had assumed he'd be very popular in terms of romantic partners. Sure, he's a little caustic at times but ultimately he's a good guy and had you been strangers, you certainly would have tried your luck with him. There's no reason that you can think of that anyone would turn him down, unless he’s the one getting in his own way.
"Reigen, don't be ridiculous." You laugh softly, leaning into his side. "Of course people like you. I like you! You're funny and sweet, and handsome and nice. Anyone would be lucky to have you."
Immediately Reigen's head shoots up and he turns to look at you, face slack with surprise.
"You think I'm handsome?" He asks, his cigarette limp and bobbing about between his lips as he speaks.
Fuck.
The drink has made you slip up. It's probably not normal to tell your boss you think he's the best thing since sliced bread and you feel a heat crawl up your throat. Now really isn't the time. You're both wasted in a public place, far from home and with other people, it's not an ideal place to confess to your boss how much you desperately want him.
"Reigen, listen," you say, attempting to laugh off the accidental admission. "You're a catch!"
You offer him a weak smile and tug on his tie gently. It's supposed to be annoying, but drunk as he is, Reigen leans into you instead.
"I am?" He says faintly.
The warmth spreads from your neck to your cheeks and you're abruptly aware of how close his face is to yours. The cigarette's smoke wafts up between you both.
"Yeah." You shrug, attempting to sound nonchalant. "Of course."
Reigen's dark eyes search yours for a moment, like he's waiting for you to say something else.
When all you do is offer him a tight smile, afraid that you've fucked up, he wrinkles his nose in annoyance.
"Oh," Reigen says petulantly, smoke streaming from his nostrils. "So sweet little Serizawa gets a demonstration but I don't?"
You struggle to keep the surprise from your expression. After his avoidance for the past week, whatever you expected him to say, it wasn’t that.
You figure he must be annoyed at missing out.
A moment of silence passes and then you tilt your head. "Do you.... Want a demonstration?" You ask curiously.
Reigen glances away for a second, blatantly imagining the scenario in his mind. His eyebrows raise at whatever he's considering.
"I mean…. I might….?" He says finally, meeting your gaze again.
There's a slightly hopeful look in his eyes and despite your shock at his interest, you bite down on an excited smile and shift on the bench to straddle the wood, facing him properly.
His ability to charm you even at his most useless is quite something, you think, and you reach into the space between you both and pluck the dwindling cigarette from his lips.
Reigen makes a soft noise of interest and watches you stub it out in the ashtray.
"Face me." You instruct him, gesturing with a finger to show him where you want him.
Reigen does as he's told, a slave to your command in his drunken stupor, and swivels in his seat until his knees bump yours. He's so close that you can feel his body heat through your clothes and it makes you want to crawl inside his suit and stay there forever.
"Put your hands on my waist."
Reigen nods, swallowing thickly. "Yes ma'am."
Something hot curls up inside you at his address. You hadn't ever imagined he might be the type to enjoy being bossed around, but you're very happy to work with it.
His warm hands take up your waist and once he's settled, you take a hold of his tie again and slowly ease him down, lower and lower, until you're half an inch from his face.
Reigen's breath smells like the sugary cocktails he's been knocking back all night and fresh cigarette smoke; you'd usually balk at such a scent, but something about it is distinctly.... Him.
After months of yearning from afar, months of silent longing, you finally kiss him.
Reigen's eyes flutter shut as your lips connect. The tip of his nose is cold as it brushes your cheekbone, but his lips are warm and welcoming, and they part just enough for you to taste him.
Reigen gives a soft groan and leans forward a little more, pressing up as close as he can manage without dragging you into his lap. His hands tighten on your waist and he exhales through his nose, shaky and slow.
The kiss lasts for barely a few seconds.
It's intended to be short and sweet, and then Reigen is dragging you closer again, chasing your mouth as Serizawa had barely an hour before, yet with far more need. His desperation to keep going is oddly attractive.
This time, you risk the chance of overwhelming your subject.
Reigen wants more and you're perfectly willing to give it to him.
You lap at the seam of his lips until he parts them, slowly pressing your tongue to his. Reigen is clumsy and inexperienced, not as naturally graceful as Serizawa, but you do your best to guide him through, turning your head to accommodate him and deepening the kiss whilst he sighs and keens into your touch.
One of his hands comes up from your waist to hold the side of your face, his thumb running along your cheekbone, while his other finds your thigh.
Reigen works his fingers along the hem of your skirt until they just slip underneath the edge of the fabric, kneading the flesh there absentmindedly as he lets himself fall into you more.
You’re so caught up in the moment, all too happy to let him continue, that when the bar door swings open with a loud bang you almost jump out of your skin. It's an immediate reminder that you're still in public and the interruption is enough to make you pull away before things become even more heated.
Sitting back and attempting to catch your breath, you quickly glance over Reigen’s shoulder to check that no other patrons have caught the two of you in a compromising situation. Whoever it is doesn't seem to be interested in your activities, too busy clamouring with their friend about taxis and food as they leave.
When you turn back, Reigen looks like he's going to pass out; he's bright red but completely pale at the same time, breathing heavily and staring right through you.
Alarmed, you sit up straighter. "Are you-?"
"I'm gonna be sick." Reigen chokes out, scrambling up from his seat like a fawn on ice.
You flinch away as he rushes to a bin on the far side of the smoking area. He barely makes it in time to vomit up whatever overpriced drinks he's had tonight, hunched over the top of the can as he coughs and splutters.
Gross as it is, you feel a bit bad for him. His hands are shaking where they clutch the edge of the bin and you go to his side, rubbing circles on his back while he gags. You smooth his hair back from his sweaty forehead and reach over to lift his tie and stop it from dangling into the unpleasant stream until he's done throwing up for all he’s worth.
"Fuck." He gasps into the trash can, breathless and humiliated. "Fuck. I'm so sorry."
After a few more minutes of retching, Reigen manages to choke out another weak apology and straightens up, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. He looks terrible; his hair is ruffled and his eyes are glazed, and you hate how sorry you feel for him. It’s horribly gross and if it was anyone else you’d have left them to suffer alone. Yet your empathy for Reigen seems to know no bounds.
"Don't mention it." You say with a smile, smoothing his hair back. "Do you feel better, at least?"
Reigen nods a little, sorry for himself.
"That'll teach you for drinking on an empty stomach." You tease. "Make sure you remember that the sick part was your fault."
Reigen flushes again and ducks his head, bashful. His colour is slowly returning and he looks less nauseated than he had.
A beat of awkward silence passes, filled only by the general chatter of the patrons leaving the bar behind you both, and Reigen clears his throat.
“Listen” he sighs, toeing the concrete with the edge of his shoe. “I’m sorry about just walking out earlier.”
You tilt your head a little, waiting for him to elaborate.
"I didn't mean to get weird about it." He admits, still unable to meet your eyes. "I just…. The kiss…. I wanted it to be me, y’know?”
“What?” You say with a tiny, disbelieving laugh. “You’ve been ignoring me all week, I thought you hated me! I mean, for a second there, I thought you were gonna fire me for-”
“Fire you?!” Reigen says, a little too loudly. “Fuck, no! Never!”
“Then why have you been avoiding m-?”
"Because you're so pretty!" he interrupts, like it pains and infuriates him. "Ever since you started working here, I've barely been able to stop myself from-”
Reigen cuts himself off with a growl of frustration.
“Not to mention that stupid outfit, wearing it in the office like you didn’t know what you were doing! You're so- It's so- Fuck." Reigen takes a deep breath and then plows on, using his opportunity to spill his guts in a much more metaphorical way this time.
"I had to avoid you last week, you keep wearing that little fucking skirt and it’s driving me nuts!" He groans. "I don't hate you, I just can't stop thinking about what you'd look like with it 'round your ankles."
Your knees feel weak at his admission.
"Yeah?" You breathe, biting down on your lip.
"Yeah!" Reigen says, visibly distressed and breathing hard. "And I know I'm your boss, and I know that's weird, and I really, really don’t want to get sued for harassment but I-!"
“Reigen!”
He’s working himself up and the last thing you want is for him to throw up again, so you clamp your hands on his face until he stops sucking in air like a dying fish and shuts up.
“Take a breath.” You say, laughing.
Reigen swallows thickly and breathes in, then out.
“I assumed you just wanted a kiss because you were jealous he got one.” With his face still between your hands, you nod back towards the building in reference to Serizawa, and Reigen shrugs.
“I mean, yeah, that too.” He mutters, pouting a bit.
You can’t hold back the surprised laughter that spills from your throat. This entire time you had assumed he had absolutely no interest in you at all beyond being friends. You thought yourself alone in your longing, lonely in the assumption and upset by the notion that he’d rather move somewhere else than tolerate your presence. The avoidance, the grouchiness, the comments; none of it suggested to you that he felt any other way.
You can’t quite believe your luck.
Reigen must misconstrue your silence for rejection because he starts to back off, reaching up to extricate himself from your grip, and you’re forced to clamp your hands down around his face to keep him still.
“Why didn’t you bring it up?” You ask, ignoring the confused look on his face.
“What was I gonna say; ‘Look, I know I’m your superior but I think you’re really hot and kind and sweet, you wanna get dinner sometime’?.” He scoffs, as though it’s a ridiculous notion.
“Reigen,” You grin. “I’d love to. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Reigen’s brows disappear under his fringe and his mouth opens and closes as he flounders for something to say, stunned at your response.
“What?” He manages to choke out.
“I would love to get dinner with you.” You giggle.
Reigen breathes a laugh, the biggest grin you’ve ever seen splitting his face in half, and he nods quickly. “You would? I can do that. Anywhere you want.”
You join him in relieved laughter and loop your arms around his neck, tugging him closer until your bodies are pressed flush together. It feels so good to have him close like this.
Reigen wraps his arms around your waist in response, his big hands wandering from your sides to the small of your back.
“And if it helps,” You smirk, tugging gently on the back of his hair. “I’d also love for you to see me with my skirt around my ankles….”
Reigen groans softly. His eyes fall shut for a moment and when he opens them again, something hot lurks in his gaze.
“Oh yeah?” He murmurs, looking down to your mouth.
You can tell he wants to turn this into a new game and as much as you’d like to indulge him, you’re acutely aware that only moments ago he was puking into a public bin.
“If you’re waiting for another kiss,” you smirk, biting your lower lip. “You better go brush your teeth.”
Reigen releases you so quickly that you almost fall over with a yelp. He swiftly ducks under the rope that seals off the smoking area and starts to jog towards the lit up rows of shops down the street.
“Stay here!” He yells over his shoulder. “The konbini doesn’t shut ‘til one! I’ll be right back!”
“Where are you going?!” You shout after his retreating form.
“Toothpaste!” Reigen says, turning around to throw you a wink.
You can do nothing except laugh as you watch him leg it towards the closest convenience store.
