In a Dirty Mirror @stabbies-mind-blog - Tumblr Blog

The characters in my head make better bf's than my irl bf...

#why can't I have a nice fucking relationship #why the fuck does he have to be an ass to make me angry on purpose #I keep asking him to stop #but he doesn't fucking listen #I feel so fucking frustrated #>:[#relationship #relationship problems #No respect

I feel like a total loser because my younger sister (by 4 years) is graduating college with a BS in a few weeks and I’m still working on mine.

And I feel really shitty for being jealous so I have to hide it... uhg.

#I should have been done 4 fucking years ago #but no #I had to make some stupid mother fucking choices #and I want to go to law school #so that's 3 more years #:[#personal #college #shit #and I can't post to my other blog because she follows me there

I'll be over at my other blog most of the time now if anyone wants to follow me there. It's @stabbie I'll be posting the same stuff I do on this blog and some other things as well.

#I'm doing this for my mental health basically #Cause I see shit that pisses me off on this blog #and it ain't helping #self care #personal

To make myself feel better earlier I drew a super rough sketch of an idea I had a few days ago for the devotional book. When I drive to Richmond to go to the shop I'll usually invite Set the share my water and toast with nutella and chill while I drive (yes I eat and drive).

#I need a bigger screen to draw on #But I haven't got that tablet yet #:P #is super dooper sketchy #but I like how his hands turned out so far #Set #sutekh #devotional #my drawings

stabbies-mind-blog

Mini-rant ahead

I had hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with doubt in my faith and the Netjeru again but here I am.

After seeing some posts floating around I’ve started doubting my own feelings, thoughts and experiences. Mostly my thoughts and feelings surrounding the Netjer I venerate.

I worry it’s all in my head. I worry that I’m not a good enough devotee. I worry I don’t do enough devotional work for them to give two shits about me. I worry my upg is just my mind making shit up.

I keep thinking “what about me would even catch Their interest”, “why would They even bother”, “I’m not good enough or interesting enough for Them to invest in”.

“Who the fuck am I kidding.”

Just, uhg.

intaier

As Djehuty once told me during good-clearance godphone conversations, no one can be unvorthy of the love of the Netjeru. Really, you are worthy. We all are. Even the people who don’t worship the Netjeru, but just live their own lives trying to do the good things.

They can develop more close relationships with some devotees than with the others. All relationships are individual and can be different. But really, we can’t measure Their love with human numbers.

stabbies-mind-blog

Thank you. And thank you @outcasted-animal and @satsekhem for your replies too. I guess I’ve always struggled with seeing my own self-worth and trying to like myself. Not to mention I’ve been so focused on school that I haven’t done anything for myself or sat in front of my altar or anything.

I think I’ll work on doing more self-care, which means relaxing with crafts for me, to help my mental state. Thanks guys. :3

Mini-rant ahead

I had hoped I wouldn't have to deal with doubt in my faith and the Netjeru again but here I am. After seeing some posts floating around I've started doubting my own feelings, thoughts and experiences. Mostly my thoughts and feelings surrounding the Netjer I venerate. I worry it's all in my head. I worry that I'm not a good enough devotee. I worry I don't do enough devotional work for them to give two shits about me. I worry my upg is just my mind making shit up. I keep thinking "what about me would even catch Their interest", "why would They even bother", "I'm not good enough or interesting enough for Them to invest in". "Who the fuck am I kidding." Just, uhg.

#sorry not sorry #I had to let it out somewhere #and I don't have anyone who'd understand IRL #doubt #kemetic #faith #crisis of faith #Netjeru #polytheist

lab-note

#i need this deck...#everytime i see it my heart jumps #it so pretty #tarot

"This self expression crap is getting ridiculous" (in reference to my piercings and shaved nape)

"Don't wear those shoes out here, I don't want people thinking I'm dating a kid." (because my skate shoes are multicolored.. I like colors...)

#not 100% accurate #but p much word for word #thanks for making me feel like shit #i appreciate that #then turning around and being super nice and loving #what the fuck #personal #quotes #quotes from an asshole

stabbie-deactivated20240507

The condescension…

I’ve had my OCs in my head a lot, A LOT, lately so I drew Brock.. :P

stabbies-mind-blog

Shameless rebloob of my OC I posted on my other blog... because...

I always find it interesting the types of characters I have living in my head when they say that your OCs are an extension of yourself in some way. I wonder what that says about me.. P:

#all my ocs are fucked up #or fucked over #and pissed off #closet emos #and male #and grumpy...#Brock is the grumpiest of them all #OC #my original characters

iraffiruse

paked-botato

the hero we deserve.

stabbies-mind-blog

They missing a sure fine plastic bag vest :B

shit u right

Yoooo best yet :3

the hero we deserve.

They missing a sure fine plastic bag vest :B

harryfloorcorn

#tortured by life...#that seems... fitting #odd #:P

When a fictional character makes you wish they were boyfriend instead of the one you got...

#I'm fucked #in so many ways #I don't even know what to do with my life now #and Set isn't helping #but that's another chapter #fuck #personal

worthyironman

that feel when you know that Aidan Turner as Philip Lombard is gonna fuck your whole entire life up and you’re just waiting

#this #this man will be the death of me #one of my favorite characters #played by one of my favorite actors #can't contain myself #uhg #aidan turner #philip lombard

orotundmutt

Aidan Turner as Philip Lombard in And Then There Were None (2015)

#my current obsession #excuse me while I sit over here #and stare #*dead*#aidan turner #philip lombard #and then there were none

Time to internalize another breakdown...

#Why #Why do I have to deal with this #can't let anyone know #personal

ofcowardiceandkings

do you ever get confused about where your mental illness ends and where you being a piece of shit begins ?? like am i just being difficult or can i really not do that

#hmm..#good question #I've been thinking about this recently

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