happy pride month everyone! I hope I get to kiss a girl or a guy, or anyone because I deserve it wtf. and you guys too!! YUGHH!! back with more angst to a not so happy- but happy ending. you aren't gonna die here. don't worry!! im not that mean.
tw: secret relationships, insecurities on both sides, feeling unloved, fear of others opinions about oneself, homophobia, not being enough.
its gonna be heavy, so if you feel like you arent in the right headspace for this. I would really advise you to not read it. have a little walk outside, drink your favourite drink, watch your favourite show and ill see you on the next one!
fic under 'keep reading'
enjoy!
dividers by : @vrtualseraph and @rmstitanics
Illi lips was on yours- your hands on her cheek, bringing her closer than ever. You were both in her room another small date in the comfort of her bed. Sitting on her lap as her hands moved down from your shoulders - following the curve of your spine.
Before any of you could go further, her phone started ringing. Immediately she pulled away, leaning over to grab her phone from the bedside table. You let out a soft huff, a little annoyed from the moment being cut. Your eyes watched as she answered the call, speaking into the phone, her hand slowly pulling away from your body. You knew what was going to happen now and you didn't feel like fighting today.
You got off of her lap, opting to sit on the edge of the bed while she spoke on the phone. Her smile a little brighter now as she talked about a band practice at hers. In the garage - as always. It has been this way for a while. You didn't know why- if anything, you didn't know what you guys even were. You make out, you kiss, but haven't gone further than that.
You guys go on dates, but they are in private. You guys don't show off your..love- to everyone. Only in private.
You knew you had to leave this mess but it was Illi. Someone you knew for quite some time. The feelings you had for her- it was real and it was painful. It was raw and just gut wrenching, you didn't know if it was too much for her. Your eyes traced her figure as she lean back against the headboard of her bed. As if the kissing, the making out - didn't even happen.
You shook your head, getting up from the bed, you grabbed your bag at the foot of it and sling it over yourself. You should head home. There was no point.
Illi watched as you moved, quickly she muted the call before asking - "Hey? Where are you going?"
"Home."
"Home?"
"Oh..okay, get back home safe."
And with that, she went back to the call again.
You gave her a quick tight lip smile, even though she didn't look back at you. No, nothing at all.
Not even a kiss goodbye.
With that you left her room.
Days passed.
You guys still meet. You knew you love her, loved? You weren't sure anymore.
Weeks.
Months.
Prom.
Prom? Oh. It's prom season.
You eyes watched as she spoke to the guys, laughing softly as she picked out a dress. A black dress with a sweetheart neckline with some straps. She said she wanted to wear some gloves with them. Cute.
Very cute. You smiled as she spoke to the guys, if anything she is closer to them. You looked around the thrift shop to see if anything captures your eye. Would you want to have the same coloured outfit to match? Would she even want that?
Would that spread rumours?
Maybe that would show that you are with her in that sense. Not friends.
Lovers.
A relationship that was slowly blooming between the both of you.
A sense of hope that is love.
You watched her again, Illi's hand brushing against Frank's shoulder as she leaned in, laughing at something he said. Ray and Mikey looking at the both of them with gentle smiles.
You picked a different outfit of a different colour.
Illi looked at her phone. The message sent but no reply. It was seen, that was true. You were online on messaging apps on her computer. Avoidance.
You were avoiding her. Not as much though. It wasn't completely. If anything you were avoiding her when it's just between the two of you. You are friends with the others. You were too kind. Not to stir anything within the friend group. No one knew the stolen kisses, fingers brushing against each other. Silent moments between the both of you.
No one knew.
One day, Illi was on her computer- looking through random posts. Her eyes settled on two people, waving their flags with pride, kissing each other like they weren't receiving death threats just for being themselves - like the kiss brought life for each other.
Illi eyes wondered to her phone that was resting beside her mouse on the table. Still dark. Not lighting up with your usual messages.
Odd isn't it?
It feels empty.
Why?
She knew what she was doing.
But why did it hurt?
If she feels this way. How were you feeling?
She shook her head.
She wasn't..
No. She's not.
Illi looked at the photo again, imagining the both of you in their place. A warm sensation floods through her chest. Immediately she puts it out, shutting the computer and went to her bed. Curling up on the mattress, she couldn't help but to imagine you beside her. Your warmth against her, your lips pressed against her slightly chapped lips. Your scent, your voice, your smile, your laugh, your humour, your skin, your hair, your talents, your -
You.
Just you.
Maybe she is..
Maybe..
You washed yourself hard, scrubbing your skin. Days like this kept pilling up. Wearing baggy clothing almost constantly, at school you would always wear a jacket. Hiding yourself from everyone. No matter what you wore. A skirt or some pants. You didn't feel..great.
Mirrors were covered.
Photos of you were hard to look at.
You weren't enough. You didn't know how to even be enough.
Your mind just drifts. Your body felt like it was floating in a body of water, no wanting to think a single thing. You didn't think of yourself as you. Mentally you were floating, but physically? You didn't think about how you looked then. No body. You were just there. Floating.
Dysphoria makes it harder to leave your bed. Finding comfort under the blankets that covered you. You didn't need to get up to think about what to wear to be comfortable for a few hours. Unfortunately school was a must.
You still speak to the others. Even Illi. You could feel her beside you or just behind you when you guys head to class. Sitting with you at the cafeteria. Her hand reached for your but you pulled away like it burnt.
Immediately Illi snapped her head to look at you. She was..devastated. You could only look down at your food, holding back the tears.
Prom came.
You were suffering.
The outfit made you feel like shit.
You just wanted to rip it apart.
If you could, your skin as well. Stitch it back to form the perfect body. To be normal.
Why weren't you normal?
Why weren't you enough for her?
Maybe she didn't want you because it's you.
If people saw you intimate with her. It was cause a huge problem. It was be called disgusting, it would be called a disgrace. No kid should see it. It was a shame.
It was eating you alive, you didn't know what to do. You didn't know who to even turn too.
You adjusted your outfit a little.
And you left to your school.
Illi's watched as you walked into the gymnasium. A living breathing work of art. She stood there, watching as you walked as if one wrong move you would be laughed at. A deer learning how to walk for the first time. Your hands adjusting your clothes every chance you could. Awkwardly heading to get some juice so you would have something to hold.
Fuck.
What did she do to you.
Frank's arm wrapped around Illi's shoulder, matching colour bowtie with her dress. Frank was talking to Ray and Mikey, god knows what they were talking about, she couldn't bother to care. Illi just watched you, wanting to reach out to you, to brush her thumb against your lips. To wrap her arms around your waist. Whispering loving words into your ear and watch you giggle at the sensation of it all.
You looked tired. So tired of everything.
Of yourself.
It was like you were holding yourself with tape.
Like you could collapse at any moment. You didn't come to find them. You stood alone. Feet shuffling under you as you watched everyone under the lights.
Like you don't belong.
You do.
Beside her.
But you don't know that.
Your eyes met hers, before moving to see Frank's arm around her shoulders, holding her close to him. The matching colours.
Your eyes widened for a moment before you walked out of the gymnasium. Excusing yourself.
Immediately Illi pulled away, thank god for sneakers as she followed, quickly catching up with you.
Squatting behind the school, you leaned against the wall. Breathing heavily, your arms wrapped around your body as you fell into a panic. Your fingernails just clenching your shoulders, your nails digging through the clothes, hoping to dig through your skin. Your eyes spilling tears like there wad no way of stopping it. You wanted to puke. You wanted to disappear.
It was too good to be true.
You look like this, you think like this.
You were disgusting.
She doesn't want you because she doesn't think the way you do.
That's the worse kind of feeling.
You just want to be loved.
What's so wrong with that?
Why were you seen different? Isn't it just love? Why is there limits to love? Why must it be between two specific people?
You just wanted to be loved.
Arms wrapped your shoulders, her scent floods your nose. Before you could even comprehend what was happening, you pushed her.
You were shaking even more, curling up as much as you can. Sobbing and just yelling at her to leave.
Illi wasn't backing down. No way.
Immediately she got onto her knees, not bothering if her dress gets dirty. Prying your hands that was scratching your skin on your shoulders through your clothes. Holding them in your hand in hers. No matter how much you try to pry them away, she would hold them tighter. Your head still looking down as you cried.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, my love." Illi whimpered, her eyes trying to meet yours, leaning in even more to seek yours. One hand moved to lift your head up. "Please..Please look at me beautiful. Please. Let me see you. Please. Don't hide from me. Please."
Illi pleading for you to look at her?
Why?
You shook your head, trying to pull away from her touch. She could feel you shaking against her hand while it was pressed against your cheek.
"Go away." You croaked, wanting to just be alone. Run away from this.
"No, I'm not leaving you alone. I'm going to be with you till you look at me. Come on, look at me, sweet thing, let me see y-"
"STOP ASKING ME TO LOOK AT YOU. I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME!"
That made Illi tense up.
"You have no..no rights to tell me to look at me. When I can't even handle looking at myself. You never look at me when I look at you. What makes you think you can look at me now? I keep seeking for you because I thought.. I thought..we were something. I was foolish enough to think it was love when it was just.. nothing." Illi's hands loosen the grip a little and you pulled your hands away.
"I don't even know if how I feel about love is even right or not. It makes my skin feel all itchy. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. It disappears when I'm with you but now..even this..it feels wrong, like I'm different."
"It isn't. (Y/N), it isn't, believe me when I say this." She whispered, cupping your face and tilt it up.
Even now, you look so fucking beautiful.
"I blame myself for this. No matter how long, I will blame myself for making you feel like you have to be someone else to be loved. To be 'normal' to be loved. I love you for you. I'm so fucking sorry. I was scared. I wasn't happy and just angry with myself. I thought it was something different and it wasn't right to feel this way. No, it isn't different. It's okay to feel that way. I was just ashamed of it. When I know it's the best feeling. I found myself. I want you..to find yourself too and to be happy with it."
You looked at her, watching her cry infront of you. Spilling her heart out to you. Her back a little hunched as she spoke, feeling all sorts of emotions that she couldn't handle.
"I'm sorry (Y/N)."
"I can't forgive you yet. I can't bring myself to do alot of things right now. Just..give me time."
"I'll give you all the time in the world. I promise. I want to fix this. Please."
"I don't know if I can love you yet. I don't know if i can let you in at all. However, I still want you. So badly. I'm just afraid."
"I understand, I understand. I'll be here. Waiting. Until you let me again. Until you let me love you. I'll wait. I'll be beside you. Showing you how much you mean to me."
Illi hands moved to clasp yours in hers. Her thumb brushing over your knuckles.
You were unsure if you would even come back from this. You don't know what is beyond this.
But Illi was going to prove it to you, you were enough. She loves you for you. She is in love with you. She will show it off with pride. She will carry that rainbow flag with pride one day with you.
One day.
hello! sorry for the long break. today im 11 months clean :) so this is a little gift from me to you. at some point I wasnt happy with my looks. with myself. finding out about myself. I was scared. afraid. just not coming to terms with it. I didnt want to admit it. when I came out, I was scared. scared ill lose people. but im here now. happy with my identity and my body. it took years but here I am. queer, demisexual and non binary!
happy pride month once again. i love you for you who are.
Heloo! The loser4loser ray fic should be out within the next few days, maybe even tonight if I lock in. It’s definitely a long one, but I promise it’s very cute! (At least I think it is)
PLEASE please...please...☹️ do Patrick x reader first time, reader taking Patricks virginity as he whines and is just a loser slut...top reader...fem...MWAAAHhh big kiss!!
Believe it or not, that was actually a part of my idea!!
I’m thinking pre hiatus, you’re his best friend and the whole band has been wondering when you’d get together. You show up to his house unexpectedly and you catch Patrick doing a little bit of self care and help him out. A soft dom fem reader with a little whiny boy Patrick…now I’m drooling.
Another idea I had was you’re already dating him, but he is so overworked with the band and needs a little stress relief. So naturally, you help him out in a way he doesn’t expect. He’s left all whiny and shaky in the end!
“If I don’t kiss you in the next three seconds, I think I’m going to pass out.”
Gerard smiled, that trademark smirk that crinkled the corners of his hazel eyes. The girl across from him, a blonde whose name he had been trying to correctly place all night, let out a soft giggle, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the dark wood table.
He leaned in too, his stomach did that classic, subtle flip of a successful first date. He reached his fingers up to her chin, their hearts beating at the same anxious pace, the distance closing until he could feel the warmth of her breath against his lips.
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.
Gerard’s phone, lying face up next to the empty plate, began to vibrate violently against the table, causing the wooden surface to resonate and shattering the romantic, hazy atmosphere with a cold, white light.
He tried to ignore it, the girl closed her eyes, waiting for the final touch, but the phone persisted, its continuous, annoying vibration seeming to demand an urgency that he couldn't simply sweep under the rug. With a frustrated sigh and a whispered “I’m so sorry, just a second,” he looked away and glanced at the name on the screen.
His heart instantly changed its rhythm, but not out of romance, it was a jolt of pure adrenaline.
It was you.
You never called him at night unless it was something extremely important or... catastrophic. Without hesitating, he swiped his finger across the screen and brought the phone to his ear, turning his body slightly to the side to block out the restaurant noise.
“Hello? (Y/N)?” he said, raising his voice slightly, betraying a hint of concern.
What came from the other side of the line weren't words, it was a choked sound, a sharp sob that seemed to have been held back for a long time before finally escaping, followed by shaky, rapid, and uneven breathing.
“Gerard...?” Your voice sounded so small, so terribly fragile and thick with tears, that Gerard’s stomach dropped straight to his feet. You were crying. Not a light cry from watching a sad movie, but that heavy weeping that steals your breath and makes your chest ache.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, his tone shifting to absolute protection mode in a fraction of a second. He was already gripping the table, ready to stand up. “Where are you? Are you okay?”
Another broken sob echoed through the speaker, you tried to draw in a breath, but it seemed like your lungs refused to work properly.
“G-Gerard... are... are you too busy right now?” you asked, your voice trailing off at the end of the sentence, a desperate attempt to sound rational while falling apart.
Gerard looked at the girl sitting across from him, she was watching him with a mix of boredom and irritation, her arms now crossed over her chest. He looked at her, then at his jacket hanging on the back of the chair: there was no competition, there never would be.
“No,” Gerard lied, his voice firm and without the slightest shadow of hesitation, as he grabbed his jacket with his free hand and slipped his arm into the sleeve. “I’m not busy, not at all. What happened? Tell me.”
“Just... can you come pick me up?” you pleaded, your voice barely a whisper, crying so hard that the words almost ran together. “Please? I’m on the sidewalk near the university... near the Arts building. It’s cold and... I just need to get out of here.”
“Don’t move from there, stay exactly where you are! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he shot back, already leaping out of his chair, tossing a few bills onto the table.
“Gerard?!” the date called out, her voice laced with incredulity. “You’ve got to be kidding me, right? We were about to...”
“I am truly, deeply sorry,” he said, his mind already racing at a hundred miles an hour, his eyes fixed on the bistro's exit. “It’s an emergency, I have to go… I'm sorry.”
He didn't even wait for her reply, he navigated through the tables like a whirlwind, putting on the rest of his jacket as he pushed through the restaurant's glass door and stepped out into the chilly city night. His fingers flew to the keys in his pocket as he ran toward his old car, his mind flooded with a thousand nightmare scenarios of what could have left you in that state.
He remembered that you were never one to cry. The last time, perhaps the only time, he had actually heard you sob like that was years ago, when you were just kids. You had only just met at a neighborhood playground; you had fallen off the swing and scraped your knee badly against the asphalt. Gerard remembered rushing over to you, feeling his own chest tighten at the sight of your face flushed with pain. With his tiny hands, he had opened the little bandage box he carried in his backpack and stuck on his very last Star Wars band-aid.
You had looked down at the Darth Vader bandage on your knee and, between sobs, asked who that "man in black" was. Gerard, wanting to distract you from the pain at all costs, ended up spending the next three hours sitting on the ground, telling you the entire story of the saga, while you listened with wide eyes, completely forgetting about the cut on your leg.
Hearing you cry now, years later, brought back that exact same feeling of desperation: the visceral need to heal whatever wound was hurting you.
The drive to the university, which would normally take fifteen minutes, was cut to less than ten under Gerard’s anxious and almost reckless driving. He tapped nervously on the steering wheel, his teeth digging into his lower lip, cursing at every red light. Your shaky crying still echoed in his ears, making his chest tighten so much that he could barely breathe.
When he finally rounded the corner leading to the university’s Arts building, his eyes swept the dark sidewalk. The campus was nearly deserted at that hour of the night, making the scene look even more desolate.
Then, he saw you.
You were sitting on the curb, curled up, with your knees pulled against your chest and your arms wrapped around your legs, trying to make yourself as small as possible. Your shoulders shook visibly from the cold and the sobs that still wracked your body.
Gerard didn't even bother to park properly; he just pulled the car into a slanted spot right in front of the building's entrance, cut the ignition, and practically threw himself out of the vehicle, leaving the door wide open.
“(Y/N)!” he called out, his voice echoing through the empty space as he sprinted toward you.
Hearing the sound of his voice, you lifted your head. Your eyes were red and puffy, your cheeks stained with tears, and your pointed nose flushed red from the cold.
Gerard reached you before you could fully get to your feet, he knelt on the cold sidewalk, not caring about his ripped jeans or the dirt, and pulled you into his arms with an overwhelming yet deeply gentle force.
The second the warmth of Gerard’s body enveloped yours, and his familiar scent hit your senses, you completely broke down. Your hands gripped the fabric of his jacket so tightly that your knuckles ached, burying your face in the crook of his neck.
“Shh... it’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you,” Gerard whispered, one hand flat against your back, tracing soothing circles, while the other buried itself in your hair, pulling you even closer, if that were even possible. “I’m here, you’re safe.”
He didn't ask what had happened, who had done it, or why you were out there alone in the dark. His absolute priority was stopping the trembling that shook your entire body, Gerard held you like that for long minutes, serving as an anchor in the middle of the storm that seemed to have collapsed over your head.
“Let’s get out of the cold, okay?” he said softly, his voice pressed against your ear, warm and comforting. “Let’s go to the car.”
You only nodded against his neck, unable to form an articulate word. Gerard pulled back just enough to slide one arm behind your knees and the other across your back, lifting you off the ground without the slightest effort. You instinctively looped your arms around his neck, hiding your face there, refusing to look at the world around you.
He carefully opened the passenger door and settled you onto the upholstered seat. Before closing the door, he took off his own heavy jacket and draped it over your shoulders, the fabric still held the warmth of his body, and you huddled inside it, pulling the collar close to your nose.
He reached out and took your hand, which was ice-cold, intertwining his fingers with yours. He brought your hand to his lips, leaving a soft kiss there before resting their joined hands on the car's gear shift.
The drive was made in a silence that wasn't uncomfortable, but rather filled by the gradual sound of your breathing returning to normal, interrupted only by sporadic sobs that you tried, in vain, to swallow. Gerard looked at you out of the corner of his eye every few seconds, his thumb caressing the back of your hand the entire time, ensuring you knew he wasn't going anywhere.
Gerard didn't drive to your apartment, and you realized this when he took the route toward the suburbs, he was taking you to his parents' house.
The silence of the neighborhood was welcoming, the lights in the main windows were off, indicating that his parents were likely already asleep or retired to their rooms.
“Can you walk or do you want me to carry you again?” he asked, his eyes full of a deep tenderness that made your heart flutter a little, easing the pain that still resided there.
“I think I can walk,” you replied, your voice hoarse, the first time you had spoken since getting into the car.
“All right, in your own time.”
He got out of the car, walked around, and opened the door for you. You moved slowly, holding his jacket tightly around your body, when your feet touched the ground, your legs still felt a bit shaky, and Gerard immediately wrapped a firm arm around your waist, supporting most of your weight against his body.
Without turning on the main lights so as not to draw attention, Gerard led you down the familiar hallway, passing the living room where the furniture cast long shadows on the wall, you knew this path by heart. At the end of the hall, near the kitchen, there was a heavy wooden door, painted a dark color that was already peeling at the edges.
Gerard reached out and opened the door; he reached inside and flipped the wall switch. A soft light, coming from a lamp positioned downstairs, illuminated the steps revealing the way to his bedroom.
“Watch the steps,” he whispered close to your ear, keeping a steady hand on your waist as you began to descend, step by step.
As you went down, the characteristic smell of the basement wrapped around you, the walls were covered with posters of old horror movies, sketches of comic drawings taped up and shelves packed with albums.
Gerard closed the door at the top of the stairs, and an instant sense of isolation and peace washed over you. He guided you to the bed and helped you sit on the edge of the soft mattress. You let out a long sigh, letting your shoulders drop, feeling the physical tension of the sobs begin to give way to an overwhelming exhaustion.
Gerard knelt in front of you once more, reaching out to untie your shoes with all the patience in the world; he took them off one by one, setting them aside carefully.
“Better?” he asked looking up, meeting your eyes with an intensity that overflowed with pure, genuine care.
You nodded, feeling your eyes sting slightly again, but this time not out of sadness, but from the gratitude of having someone like him in your life. Someone who would drop everything, absolutely everything, without a second thought, just because he heard you cry over the phone.
“I’m going to get you some water and a warm towel to clean your face, okay?” he said, making a move to stand up.
But before he could step away, you quickly reached out and caught his wrist. Your fingers wrapped around the warm skin of Gerard’s arm, and you looked at him with a pleading gaze, your lips trembling slightly.
“No... please don't go,” you begged, your voice barely audible. “Stay here. Just... stay here with me.”
Gerard froze in place, he looked at your hand on his wrist, then at your tired, vulnerable face; his gaze softened even more, if that were possible. He didn't say a word, he simply slid onto the mattress, sitting down beside you and pulling the thick flannel duvet up to cover your legs.
He leaned back, stretched out his legs, and opened his arms, offering the space beside him. You didn’t hesitate; you moved closer to him, rested your head on his chest, and listened to the steady, rhythmic beating of Gerard’s heart right next to your ear.
Gerard wrapped his arms around you, pulling the comforter up to your shoulders and holding you in a tight, secure embrace. One of his hands began stroking your hair again, his long fingers moving in a gentle rhythm, while his other hand held you by the waist, keeping you pressed close to him.
“I’m here,” he whispered against the top of your head, leaving a tender kiss there. “I’m not going anywhere, you can rest.”
You took a deep breath, your air coming with that characteristic tremor of someone who had spent hours crying. Your hands, which were still gripping the fabric of his t-shirt, tightened a little more.
“He cheated on me, Gerard.”
The sentence came out in a strengthless whisper, almost as if, by verbalizing the secret, you were surrendering the last remnants of your energy. The words floated through the basement air, heavy and sharp, instantly shifting the cozy atmosphere of the room.
Gerard’s hand in your hair stopped for a fraction of a second, his body tensed beneath yours, the muscles in his back and shoulders turning rigid as stone. You felt his heart give a violent thud against your ear before it began to race.
“What?” His voice came out low, a deeper and darker register than usual.
“I found out tonight,” you said, your voice trembling, your eyes fixed on a random spot on the exposed brick wall, reliving the moment your world came crashing down. “I was… I was going to surprise him. I got there early and saw... I saw them. He didn’t even have the decency to try to hide or look guilty when he saw me at the door. He just... acted like I was the problem for being there.”
A single, hot tear escaped your eye, tracing a quick path down your cheek until it soaked the fabric of Gerard’s t-shirt. He let out a breath through his teeth, a hissing sound of pure, restrained rage. His arms wrapped around you even tighter, not in a way that hurt, but as if he were physically trying to glue back the pieces of your heart that had been broken. He buried his face in the top of your head, inhaling the scent of your hair, fighting the urge to get up from that bed, grab his car keys, and beat the living hell out of the guy who had dared to make you cry like that.
“That miserable piece of...” Gerard growled softly, the voice vibrating in his chest. “That goddamn idiot. How could he? How does anyone in their right mind have the audacity to do that to you?”
“I thought...” You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it painful to speak. “I thought I was doing everything right, Gee. I tried so hard… I changed my schedule, I tried to support him in everything, I was there all the time. What is wrong with me? Why am I never enough?”
Hearing that question, something seemed to snap inside Gerard. He moved abruptly, breaking the embrace just enough to hold your shoulders and gently push you back, forcing you to look at him.
Gerard’s hazel eyes were ablaze, burning with an almost fierce intensity, a mix of pain from seeing you suffer and a rage directed at the man who had caused it. He cupped your face with both hands, his thumbs wiping away the fresh tears that insisted on spilling down your cheeks.
“Look at me,” his voice firm, begging for your total attention. “Don’t you ever repeat that! Don’t you ever dare ask what is wrong with you, do you understand?”
You blinked, surprised by his intensity, but remained motionless, captivated by Gerard’s magnetic gaze.
“That guy is a total jerk who has no idea what he had,” he continued, his words pouring out rapidly, driven by raw emotion. “He never deserved you, not for a single second. He didn’t deserve a single smile from you, a single night you stayed up worrying about him, nothing! You gave your best to someone who was too small to understand the immensity of who you are. It was his mistake. You’re perfect, do you hear me? You’re absolutely everything any real man would spend his whole life begging to have.”
Gerard sighed, his anger giving way to a deep melancholy as he continued to stroke your cheeks with his thumbs. He looked at your lips for a brief second before shifting his gaze back to your eyes, his face was so close to yours that you could feel the warmth of his breath.
“Spending all these months watching you bend over backwards to please a guy who barely looked you in the eye... it was torture,” he confessed, his voice dropping to an almost inaudible whisper. “Watching you cry because of him, blaming yourself for his coldness. Maybe... maybe someone else could have done what he never did. Which is to actually take care of you, to put you first, right where you always should be.”
Gerard’s last sentence hung heavy in the small space, laden with a hidden meaning that made your heart leap wildly. You looked deeply into his eyes, trying to decipher what lay behind that mist of worry and tenderness.
“What do you mean by that, Gee?” you asked softly, curiosity mixing with a sudden vulnerability that had nothing to do with your ex’s betrayal.
Gerard seemed to realize what he had just said, his eyes widened slightly, a fraction of a second of pure panic crossing his features before he managed to mask it with a strained smile. He quickly pulled his hands away from your face, clearing his throat and averting his gaze to the corner where his paintings were stacked.
“Nothing... I just... I mean you deserve someone better, you know?,” he deflected, clearly trying to steer the conversation back to a safe territory. “A guy who isn't a complete waste of space, that’s all. Just force of habit wanting to wring the neck of anyone who hurts you.”
You noticed his retreat, but you were too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to press him. Gerard settled back onto the bed, pulling the duvet closer around the two of you, trying to ease the tension that had settled in the air. He looked at you with a softer expression, his protector mode fully reactivated.
“But let’s not talk about that asshole right now, he doesn’t deserve another second of your energy,” Gerard said, deliberately changing the subject, his voice returning to that velvet tone that always soothed your nerves. “What do you want to do right now?”
You looked at him, your eyes half-closed with exhaustion, waiting for the options he was surely already formulating in his head.
“We can just stay here quietly, if you want,” he began, listing the possibilities on his fingers. “I can turn on the TV, we can pick a really silly movie, one of those comedies you don’t even have to pay attention to, just for background noise. Or if you don’t want to watch anything, I can put on a record to play softly, we can turn off all the lights, and you can try to get some sleep. I’ll stay right here by your side the whole time, I promise. Whatever you prefer. If you want to cry some more, my shoulder is still available.”
You listened to Gerard’s list, feeling the comfort of knowing he was willing to mold his entire night around your needs. As the warmth of the heater continued to envelop your body, you felt the uncomfortable weight of that night clinging to your skin. The cold sweat from the crying fit on the sidewalk, the dust from the street, the residual smell of a day that had been a complete disaster... it all felt like a dirty suit of armor that you desperately needed to strip away to truly breathe.
“I want to take a shower,” you said, cutting through his assumptions.
Gerard blinked, caught completely off guard, he stared at you for a moment, processing the request.
“A shower… sure, makes sense,” he said, already starting to move to get out from under the duvet. “Look, I’ll run upstairs real quick, turn on the shower to let the water heat up, grab a clean, really soft towel from my mom’s closet, and pick out an old sweatshirt of mine for you to wear. How’s that? I’ll get everything ready and set up for you in the hallway bathroom, then you can take your time, no rush.”
He swung his legs out of bed, ready to stand up and fulfill his mission as an attentive butler, eager to be useful in any way that could lighten your burden.
But before he could take his first step toward the wooden stairs, you reached out and caught the hem of his t-shirt again. The tug was weak, but it was enough to make him stop in his tracks and look back over his shoulder.
You looked at him, your large, vulnerable eyes shining in the dim light of the basement. The thought of being alone in a closed room, with the sound of rushing water and only your own thoughts about the betrayal and the loneliness to keep you company, sent a shiver of pure panic down your spine. You didn't want the silence of the bathroom. You didn't want the space to think. You needed his presence as a shield against your own mind.
“No,” you pleaded, your voice coming out small, but heavy with genuine determination. “I don’t want to be alone, Gee. I want to go with you.”
Gerard swallowed hard, he shut his eyes tightly, squeezing his eyelids closed for two whole seconds, as if trying to stop his own brain from short-circuiting or fainting right there on the floor. His mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out at first. He tried to formulate a coherent sentence, any word that would make him sound like a functional, controlled adult.
“Wi… with me?” he finally stammered, his voice failing miserably. His heart, which had already been beating fast out of anger, now felt like an uncontrolled jackhammer against his ribs.
You kept looking at him, never averting your eyes for even a single second. There was such a raw, disarmed honesty in your expression that it rendered any malicious second guessing impossible.
Before he could stammer anything else, you pushed yourself forward and stood up from the edge of the bed. You took a small step toward him, huddled inside his oversized jacket which still hung from your shoulders like a heavy cape.
“Please,” you said, your voice coming out so softly, that if he hadn't been paying absolute attention, he would have missed the sound entirely.
That “please” was the final blow to what little rational resistance remained in Gerard. He felt completely disarmed, stripped of any hesitation or social protocol. Seeing you there, asking for his presence with such surrender, destroyed any barrier he might try to build to protect himself, or to protect you.
Gerard let out a long, heavy sigh, he brought both hands to his face, rubbing his eyes with his palms before sliding his long fingers through his own black hair, which was already a bit greasy and messy due to days of neglect.
“Come on,” he said simply, his voice now returning to its previous low, raspy tone, but with a gentleness that felt like an embrace in itself.
He reached out, took your hand between his fingers, and led you to the farthest corner of the basement. There, behind a makeshift wooden partition and a heavy curtain he used for a little privacy, was the small private bathroom attached to his room.
Gerard reached out and turned the shower knob, seconds later, the comforting sound of water filled the small space. He turned to face you in the narrow space between the sink and the stall.
With an almost ceremonial slowness, you began to undress; your hands pulled the hem of your shirt upward, sliding the fabric over your skin until it was completely off. Gerard watched the scene with his heart in his mouth, his eyes remained fixed on your face at first, a desperate attempt to respect your space and not seem like an intruder, but as you continued to shed your pieces of clothing his gaze inevitably traveled down your body.
His throat went dry instantly; Gerard was so nervous that his own hands began to tremble slightly at his sides. He was terrified by the closeness, by the raw intimacy of that moment, by the fear of doing something that might scare you or make you regret having called him there.
Realizing it was his turn, Gerard swallowed hard and reached down to the hem of his black t-shirt. He pulled it off in one swift motion, tossing it into a corner of the bathroom, revealing his pale chest; next, he unbuttoned his dark jeans, taking them off.
The moment your feet stepped onto the wet floor, you threw yourself against Gerard's bare chest, embracing him with desperate strength. The impact of your soft, warm body against his skin made him stumble back until he hit the pink tiles of the wall.
The water fell directly over your heads, soaking your hair and running down your shoulders. Gerard wrapped his arms around your body, holding you with a firmness that was pure protective instinct. You pulled back just a few inches and, your voice dragged by exhaustion, you asked:
“Can you... give me a bath?”
Gerard nodded, he grabbed the mint soap and began to spread the lather over your shoulders and neck with extreme gentleness, massaging your skin to relieve the tension of that night. However, the proximity of that moment, the intimacy of both of you being naked under the scalding water, and the warmth of your body pressed against his began to exact an inevitable physical toll on Gerard.
He felt his blood rush faster and, against his own will, his body reacted. He tensed his abdominal muscles and tried to pull his hips back a fraction of a millimeter against the cold wall, swallowing hard in a desperate attempt to disguise his obvious erection, terrified of the idea that you might notice and think he was taking advantage of your vulnerability.
Gerard continued to slide his soapy hand down your back, traveling down the curve of your waist and your thighs. But when his fingers brushed up the inside of your leg and came close to your pussy, his hand froze. He stopped the movement immediately, his fingers suspended inches from your skin, his chest rising and falling heavily.
Noticing his hesitation, you brought your hand to Gerard’s wrist. Without opening your eyes, you closed your fingers around his warm skin and, with a firm but gentle tug, guided his hand back to where it had been, forcing him to continue the touch.
Gerard swallowed hard, his entire body trembling slightly; he brought his face close to your ear, his breath hot against your skin.
“(Y/N), I… I don't think this is a good idea,” he whispered, his voice cracking in a last, desperate attempt to maintain control.
“Please…” you begged in a breath of a voice, the word coming out almost like a painful plea, your forehead pressed against his shoulder.
Gerard closed his eyes for a second, defeated by your surrender. He looked down, his face pressed against yours.
“Do you want me to make you feel good?” he asked, his voice low and husky.
You nodded against his chest, without hesitating.
And so, Gerard gave in. He set the soap aside and slid his long, nimble fingers between your legs. With extreme care, yet driven by a restrained urgency, he began to caress you. His thumb found your clit, making constant circular movements, while his other fingers slid gently, exploring your rhythm.
A low, breathless groan escaped your lips, dying directly against the skin of Gerard’s chest. You tightened your arms around his neck, burying your face entirely into his body to hide and surrender yourself to the sensation. Instinctively, your hips began to move, grinding against his fingers, seeking more pressure, dictating the speed your body needed.
“You’re so warm, honey… I love the way you feel between my fingers,” he said, listening to your moans.
Every movement of your cheek against his chest and every press of your hips took Gerard’s breath away. He picked up the pace, his fingers moving with precision inside your wet pussy, while his other hand gripped your waist tightly to hold you firmly against him.
The combination of the rhythmic friction of your thigh and the sound of your muffled moans against his chest was too much for Gerard to handle. With a tense spasm and a stifled gasp, he came under the warm water, releasing all the pent-up tension, while continuing to move his fingers until he felt your entire body tremble at the peak of your own pleasure.
You both remained there in absolute silence; neither dared to say a word about what had just happened. Your breathing was short, heavy, and echoed muffled in the stall, you simply hid your face in his chest again, locking your arms around Gerard's waist, while he pulled you back into a tight embrace.
The second your ear settled against Gerard's chest, the frantic sound of his heart caught your attention.
“Gee?” you called out, your voice muffled against his skin.
“Yeah?” he replied, his voice husky and slightly shaky.
“Your heart... it’s beating funny. It’s really, really fast. Are you okay?”
Gerard swallowed hard, trying to access what was left of his voice.
“It’s... it’s just the heat in the bathroom, you know?” he made up quickly, his voice coming out in a low tone. “This shower heats up the room way too fast, the steam usually makes me feel a bit suffocated. It’s nothing, seriously.”
You accepted his excuse with a slight nod, too exhausted to analyze Gerard's physiology.
The truth was that Gerard was spending every single ounce of his willpower and mental energy to concentrate and not do something stupid. Having you there, completely undressed, wet, surrendered to his care, and glued to his body like that was the hardest test he had ever faced in his twenty-seven years of existence.
His heart was racing because every cell in his body wanted to tilt his head down, cup your face firmly, and kiss you with all the accumulated passion he had been storing in his chest for years. He wanted to tell you he loved you, wanted possessively to wipe every memory of the other guy from your mind, wanted to take you in his arms and never let go.
Gerard reached out and turned the shower knob again, cutting off the flow of water. Silence fell over the bathroom once more, broken only by the slow dripping of the showerhead and the sound of your two breaths in the foggy dimness.
“Shall we get out?” he asked softly, his voice full of careful tenderness. “You need to dry off and get some rest.”
You nodded against his chest, slowly releasing your arms from Gerard's waist. He opened the stall door and stepped out first, grabbing the plush white towel he had left hanging on the hook behind the door. He opened the towel fully, and as you stepped out of the stall, shivering slightly from the thermal shock of the cooler bathroom air, he wrapped you in the fabric, hugging you through the towel to warm you instantly.
He dried you off himself with endless patience, running the cloth over your arms, your back, and your soaking hair, making sure you were comfortable. He grabbed an old gray sweatshirt of his, the sleeves covering your hands and the hem reaching the middle of your thighs, and helped you put it on.
After quickly drying himself and slipping into clean sweatpants, Gerard turned off the bathroom light and guided you by the hand back into the basement bedroom.
You slid onto the soft mattress, feeling the fresh fabric against your legs. Gerard walked around the bed and climbed in on the other side, lying down beside you on top of the covers at first, but you immediately reached out and tugged the edge of the duvet, indicating you wanted him under the covers with you too. He gave a lopsided smile and slid beneath the duvet, settling on his side, facing you.
You moved close to him, fitting your body into his in a way that felt like you had been tailor-made for that very space. You placed your head in the crook of his outstretched arm, and one of your hands rested gently on Gerard's neck.
Gerard looped his other arm over your waist, pulling you close, sealing any empty space between you. He leaned his head forward, letting his lips rest against your forehead for a few seconds in a long, silent kiss full of promises of eternal care.
“Sleep,” he whispered against your skin, his voice being the last sound you heard before the outside world vanished completely. “I’m here with you, nothing bad will reach you down here.”
The first rays of the morning arrived with a lazy brightness that cut through the cracks of the wooden door at the top of the stairs, drawing lines of golden dust floating in the air.
You woke up slowly, the crushing weight in your chest, which had been your constant companion for the last twelve hours, seemed to have settled, turning into a warm numbness. The first thing your senses registered was the heat; the second thing was the comforting weight of a long, strong arm crossed over your waist, gently holding you against another body.
You blinked a few times, clearing the remnants of sleep, and moved your head on the pillow so as not to break the symmetry of that moment.
Gerard was still fast asleep beside you. His cheeks, normally pale, were flushed with a subtle shade of pink, warmed by the heat of the duvet and his heavy sleep. His mouth was parted slightly, his naturally flushed, full lips releasing short, rhythmic breaths that sent a stream of warm air against your arm. A few strands of his black hair had fallen untidily across his face, covering part of his forehead and one of his eyes, sticking to his warm skin from a light overnight sweat.
You felt an almost uncontrollable urge to reach out your fingers and brush those strands away to see his face in full, but you stopped yourself.
The hem of his t-shirt was bunched up, leaving a generous strip of his stomach completely exposed. There was a faint line of dark hair rising from the waistband of his sweatpants, and you swallowed hard, feeling a strange, entirely new twinge knot your stomach.
His arm around your waist suddenly tightened and Gerard let out a low groan, a guttural sound that vibrated in his chest, and buried his face a little deeper into the pillow, mumbling something incomprehensible. His eyes moved beneath his closed eyelids before they began to slowly open.
He blinked a few times, disoriented by the gray brightness of the basement, focusing on the image in front of him until his eyes met yours.
For a second, there was only silence. Then, the corners of Gerard’s lips curved upward, forming a sleepy smile, but one of such tenderness that it caused your defenses to completely crumble.
“Good morning,” his voice came out incredibly raspy. He didn't move, seeming perfectly content to stay exactly where he was.
“Good morning, Gee,” you replied in a whisper, smiling back.
Gerard stretched his free arm and used his long fingers to rub his eyes, trying to shake off the torpor. When he pulled his hand back, he noticed where you were looking; he followed your gaze down to his exposed stomach.
In a fraction of a second, his cheeks flushed a much deeper red than the pink of sleep. Gerard gave a quick tug to the hem of his black t-shirt, pulling the fabric down with an almost comical haste, trying to cover his skin while letting out a sheepish, visibly embarrassed chuckle.
“Oh my god, sorry... I’m a complete disaster when I sleep,” he mumbled, his voice still cracking a bit, as he pulled the duvet up higher, as if trying to hide himself. “Have... have you been awake long?”
“Long enough to see that you sleep like a bear,” you teased lightly, feeling the playfulness lift the weight in your chest. “And you don't need to apologize.”
Gerard propped his head up on his hand, observing you more closely now. He scanned your face, looking for the remnants of the previous night's destruction. Your eyes were still a bit heavy, but the redness was gone, and your expression was infinitely calmer.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, his tone dropping into that protective softness you already knew so well. His thumb, which still rested on your waist over the gray sweatshirt, began to move in a slow back-and-forth motion, an almost subconscious caress.
You let out a long sigh, looking up at the ceiling before facing him again.
“Strangely... good. I mean, it still hurts. I think that when I stop to think about what happened, I’ll get angry or feel like crying again. But down here... it feels like the world out there doesn’t matter much. Thanks for that, Gee. Really.”
Gerard swallowed hard, the tension he had tried to suffocate under the running water was still there, vibrating between the two of you like an invisible electric current. He could smell the mint soap on your skin, mixed with the soft scent that was purely your own.
“I told you yesterday and I’ll repeat it as many times as you need,” he said, his eyes locked on yours. “You don't need to thank me for anything, I could be anywhere in the world, doing anything, and if you called me like that, I’d drop everything that exact second. You are... you are my priority. You always have been.”
The statement hung heavy between you, laden with unspoken meanings; the rhythm of his thumb caressing her waist slowed, becoming more deliberate.
You swallowed, your mouth suddenly feeling dry, and your gaze dropped, beyond your control, to his lips, they looked incredibly soft.
Gerard noticed that his gaze had wandered; he held his breath and felt his chest tighten beneath his t-shirt. His thumb stopped moving around his waist, merely pressing against the fabric with a firmness that revealed just how hard he was trying to control himself.
Neither of them said anything for several long minutes; the distance between their faces seemed enormous, though it was no more than a few centimeters.
You broke the silence, your voice sounding lower than usual, almost a whisper.
“What do we do now?” you asked, the question carrying an implicit double meaning that both of you understood perfectly. You weren't asking about breakfast or the rest of the day, you were asking about the space that was shrinking between you.
Gerard wetted his lips with the tip of his tongue, a movement that made your eyes follow every single millimeter of the action. He exhaled slowly, his voice coming out even rasper as he replied:
“Whatever you want. We can... stay right here. We have nowhere to go, no one waiting for us out there. The day is yours.”
You moved a little further forward, the movement caused your knee to brush against his leg beneath the duvet, a subtle contact that made Gerard close his eyes for a fraction of a second, fighting his own body.
“I don't want to think about what's out there,” you confessed, honesty taking over your voice. Your hands, which had been resting between you, rose slowly, your fingers tracing his chest until they found the fabric of his t-shirt, gripping it lightly. “I just want to stay here. With you.”
Gerard felt the weight of your hands, his resistance, which had already been eroding since the night before, began to crumble completely. He brought his face a little closer, the distance now so short that the tips of your noses almost touched. You could see every hazel detail of his eyes, the tiny freckles scattered near his nose, and the texture of his pale skin.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked, his voice barely audible. “I don’t want to confuse you… I don’t want you to feel pressured or do something just because you’re hurting.”
You looked deep into his eyes and saw the genuine fear he had of hurting you, the constant concern for your well-being that took over his own desires. That was enough.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life, Gee,” you replied, your voice firm despite the whispery tone.
You didn’t wait for him to respond; closing the last few inches between you, you tilted your head slightly upward and pressed your lips against his.
The initial contact was gentle, almost a physical test between two surfaces that had been drawn to each other for centuries. Gerard’s lips were warm and soft, exactly as you had imagined, and hesitated for a fraction of a second, as if his brain were still trying to process that this wasn’t a dream conjured by his creative mind in the middle of the night.
As soon as you pressed your mouth against his with a bit more intent, a low sound, almost a whimper of relief, escaped Gerard’s throat.
His arm around your waist moved in a possessive motion, pulling your body against his with so much force that you felt the impact. His other hand, which had been propping up his head, slid straight to your face, burying his fingers in your hair, holding the back of your neck with a firmness that left no room for retreat.
The kiss changed pace instantly; Gerard’s mouth moved against yours with a hunger that made your head spin. He parted your lips with his tongue in a subtle yet determined way, the sensation of his tongue against yours, the sweetness of his breath, created a symphony that made your legs give way, even though she was lying down.
Your hands released the fabric of his t-shirt and moved up to Gerard’s shoulders, gripping the firm skin there, your fingers digging into the taut muscles of his back as the kiss deepened. You drew even closer, trying to meld your body with his, wanting that heat to erase any memory of the past forever.
Gerard shifted positions slowly, rolling his body until he was partially over you, his warm weight pressing you into the soft mattress. He didn't break the kiss for a single second, the hand on the back of your neck slid down to your cheek, his thumb tracing your jawline with an adoration that made your chest swell with an almost painful joy.
When a lack of air finally became necessary, Gerard pulled his mouth away from yours, he kept his forehead pressed against yours, both of you breathing fast and audibly, your chests rising and falling together against each other. His eyes were closed, his eyelashes trembling slightly, as if he were trying to memorize the exact sensation of that moment for the rest of his life.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long...” he confessed in a breath of a voice, his lips brushing yours with every spoken word. The vulnerability in his voice was so intense it made your eyes sting slightly. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.”
You smiled against his lips, bringing your hand up to Gerard’s face, your fingers caressing his cheeks, which were still flushed.
“Why did it take you so long?” you asked in a low voice, with a playful, affectionate tone.
Gerard opened his eyes, looking at you with a depth that made your heart skip a beat once again. He left a lingering, soft kiss on your lips before replying:
“Because you were worth waiting for, however long it took.”
He settled back down beside you, Gerard’s heart kept beating fast, a continuous lifeline right beneath your ear, but now it was no longer the rhythm of panic or extreme control, it was the rhythm of someone who had finally found what they were looking for.
got a little anon message for a ray toro x reader and it has been in the back of my mind! just didn't know on how to flesh it down! this is my first fic of him, i hope i did him justice!!
tw : none! alot of fluff, a little angst if you just squint a little,, other than that YOU KISS HIM YES YES
fic under 'keep reading'
enjoy <3
dividers by : @uzmacchiato and @suupersonic
Your eyes watched silently as Ray played his guitar backstage. Dressed up in his attire for the show.
The Return of the Black Parade.
The band have been on tour again for a few months now. No matter how many times you have seen him in this outfit- it always makes you feel so shy and just down right happy for him. To see him in his element, to watch him be the talent person on his guitar. You couldn't help but swoon and just feel all proud and excited.
Right now, you didn't want to disturb his last minute practice but you wanted to give him a small kiss of luck before he goes on stage. Your feet moved to stand behind him, your fingers brushing his hair back before pressing a kiss on his cheek- feeling his beard on your lips. His fingers stopped moving - turning his head to look at you.
"Hey, that's not where you kiss me good luck."
You let out a soft chuckle.
"I didn't want to disturb you, love. You were really focused and I didn't want to just stop you for a kiss. Just a quick kiss on your cheek wouldn't really break your focus."
Ray shook his head, setting his guitar down, taking off his headphones and placing it on the table. He turned around, finally facing you fully. Arms wrapped around your waist- pulling your closer.
Without any words his lips found yours, one of his hands on your lower back, pushing you closer to him as you kissed.
Your body melt against him - arms wrapping around his neck, deeping the kiss for a moment. Unfortunately oxygen was needed and you didn't want Ray to pass out before he could even step on stage. So you broke the kiss first and Ray lips quickly tried to catch up with your lips to bring you to another kiss again. A finger was placed on his lips- followed by muffled laughter.
Your hand covering your mouth as you laughed.
"You can get more later. Okay? You have to perform soon."
"Just one more. I promise. Just one more."
"Ray!" Before you could even speak his lips found yours once more. His hand moving to cup your cheek- gis thumb brushing your cheek bone lovingly.
"See that wasn't so bad right?" Ray whispered against your lips.
You could only roll your eyes at his words. "Good luck out there."
He gave you a small smile, before grabbing his guitar to walk out with the others on stage.
It didn't take long for the concert to start and immediately from soft touches on your skin and gentle motions - he did a complete 180 and was shredding his guitar like it was the last thing he could do before the world ends, like this was his only way to breathe.
No matter how many times you watched him play, it never fails to amaze you. The more you watched him making the stage his - you wondered.
How are you even his?
And how is he even yours?
Ever since that day, you just have been thinking about it, it didn't affect you alot - just sometimes you sit there and wonder. That's all.
Ray could tell.
And he wanted to know what got into his lover's head. What made you think so much that you sit there just zoning out.
The both of you were in your shared home. A little break from touring, to spend time with loved ones. Immediately Ray asked for the whole day in with you, he misses you - to touch you and to kiss you again? While being cooped up under a bunch of your blankets that you couldn't stop buying?
It was heaven to the man.
His head was on your chest, his arm around your waist, rubbing your lower back as the both of you watched a show that honestly got a little boring after a while.
Ray turned his head to look at you, your fingers threading through his hair gently, combing out his curls a little.
"Hey, what it's in your head, sweetheart. Do you want to share it with me?"
No pushing of answers, not forcing it out of you. Just here. Waiting if you want to speak about it or not.
"I'm here to listen, y'know?" He leans in, pressing a kiss under youe jaw.
Your eyes met his and you gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
"It's nothing crazy or just sad, just thinking that's all." It was said quietly, a little embarrassed to even say it out loud. As if the words would sound too loud. Like it would echo and bounce across the four walls.
"Your pain is mine too, my love. I want to help in any way I can, no matter how big or small it is." His hand finds yours, pressing kisses against your knuckles, his eyes closed, feeling your warmth against his lips.
You blushed a little at his actions, still not used to all of this no matter how long you have been with him.
"Ray, I promise it's nothing serious. Just, why me? I get why, at least I think I do." You hand that was in his moved to cup his cheek, looking down at him.
"It's just- see you in stage, seeing you out there, performing your heart out. It made me think about how much I don't deserve you. How you are incredibly talented in what you do, how you change people with just a strum on your guitar. You light up people's worlds with your words, your kindness, your love for others. It makes me feel a little insane to be the one that calls you mine."
Ray listened to your words for a moment, before sitting up on the couch beside you, his hand on your blanket covered thigh.
"You, have been everything I have been looking for." He started of- fingers brushing over the blanket lovingly. His eyes meeting your for a second before looking down.
"When you said that you would want to be my girlfriend. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was too good to be true. I thought it was just a joke. You, saved me. In more ways than you would ever know. Coming home to you, living with you. Seeing you after everything. I don't think I could ever find peace like this at all, sweetheart."
He gave of a nervous smile, to embarrassed to be saying all this.
"I love you alot, (Y/N). Like alot."
A warm feeling spreads all across your chest to the rest of your body. Your hands cupped his face and you pressed a deep kiss against his, smiling into it.
Breaking the kiss, you pressed your forehead against his.
"I love you too, Ray. Thank you for everything. I love you so much."
He smiles even more wider before pulling you on top of him as his back meets the couch. You let out a surprised yelp, before laughing.
Ray looks at you like you carried life itself. Like you were the most beautiful thing that walks this earth.
God, he's so happy to call you his.
im not gonna lie. this was so hard to write. omg, but I hope you guys like it!! remember to stay hydrated, take care of yourself!
stormborns
romaincrisis
2087
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
andulkaphoto
