Poems by Ethan

[stargazingpoetry]

[stargazingpoetry]

Maybe if I could talk

Without this sand in my mouth

From the consuming the time

Passing by in my life

Maybe if my meals

Weren’t served with an hour glass

Take a sip every bite

It’s taking years off my life

It’s killing cells in my brain

If only I could explain

What’s inside of mind

It could save us some time

Try to talk to the void

But it never talks back

Try to talk to the void

It’s so empty and black

Sucks in all of my voice

Leaves me here with no choice

No choice

[stargazingpoetry]

Andrometa VS Milky Way

There will be a catastrophic event Practically immeasurable years from now But I have learned in my experience That time is relative To where you are in life So maybe tomorrow The sky will fight with the rest of the sky And I’ll have to pick a side The androgynous, metaphysical The being I have always had wrapped inside Every year As christmases pass I open up more and more pieces Oven mitts hopelessly grabbing at layers of Saran Wrap Trying to display my inner most To the outer world Will I choose the Milky Way? The trusted, pasteurized product of holy cows Whom we worship in our country By caging away as they shit themselves silly Grass fed and teets milked to soreness So we can enjoy a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Or a slab of partially cooked meat Smothered in A1 sauce. There’s a constant battle Between what we’ve been taught And who we truly are   What path is best Who has beaten the trail We choose to follow? Paved with stone Or worn by hooves? We can have or have not Have and have to give away Haven’t and never will Wish endlessly for more For something different A new pattern But comfort is patterns Comfort is coffee Familiarity, warmness, uplifting, Two sugars each time A splash of creamer until it’s light enough to satisfy

[stargazingpoetry]

Excuse the angles for Logan’s art, the lighting in my bedrooms not the best. Anywho, here’s the first installment of 1,000 Words (actually 99 words 😜)

[stargazingpoetry]

It’s my second year anniversary with my love @spookypizzaboy and to celebrate I’m announcing a new creative endeavor 😯 My spring/summer project, 1,000 Words, will be to write poems based on my boyfriends artwork. I’ll likely be drawing inspo from various outdoor spots as well that I’ll explore during the season with my love. I’m ready to fill these decomposition books with thousands of thoughtful words. Here’s to riding this creative wave together! 🌊

[stargazingpoetry]

I dreamt about this life

I came in already reeking of failure

I hid my stench under layers of cologne

Tried to mask the smell of the dumpster fire happening inside me

I held the venomous snake to my mouth

And inhaled his ether

It shook me alive

But only for a moment.

I breathe this basic air

The elements in their proportions

It's novel to me that we breathe it all in

Even the parts we don't need

It isn't always just oxygen

The nitrogen gets in there too

Sometimes the sulfur

Sometimes the phosphorous

I thought I could purify the inside

Start there

Exorcise my demons with holy water

But instead I felt myself burn

They come up to the surface

Acid reflux

And I spew my guts

Spew them out in tears

Spew them out in bloody vomit

I watched him wither away over the years

He lost his drive

He lost his power

And so the light flickered out

I got my couch because it reminded me of his chair

That chair stank to high heavens

Cause he was a farmer and never showered

He tried to expose me to the world through his eyes

I trusted him because we always trust our fathers

We trust them when they give us smarties for sleeping pills

We trust them when we ride around on their tractors

But we are all afflicted

In some manner

Some addiction to living

Some addiction to all those parts of air that aren't oxygen

We slowly die as we age

I don't know why I get impatient sometimes

My day will come

But in the meantime, I better brighten up these days as best I can

Stop leaning on my lover

Using him as a crutch

And start treading my own path

Stomping vegetation

Lighting the way

Start living

While I still can.

[stargazingpoetry]

Shadowcast

I play my role

As passive as it may seem

Hiding in the shadows

Of everyone around me

I seek no attention

In fact, if your eyes evert I won't find it worse

Don't linger on me

As I pass by

Don't pay too much attention to the width of my hips

My stiff gait

Tense as I am

I am hanging in the balance

The void between

I am nik welenda

Tight roping across

The Grand Canyon

I am in the cocoon

My body turned to goo

As I build a better one

Stronger, lasts longer

I compose the symphony to my memoir

A final lament played smoothly on ivory keys

As you waltz to the tempo

Remember my name

Say it loud

Say it right

Heathen too beaten

By life's ever changing winds

The El Niño at home

Between four walls

Tide pushing helpless body

Into walls

Collapsing on impact

Forever reaching up

Waiting for a lift

And I don't want it to seem like a throne

More a thorn

Stuck in wildcat's paw

Burdensome.

[stargazingpoetry]

Schrodinger's Apartment

I lay back

Look up at

The creases in the ceiling's wallpaper

That look like veins

Painted over with off white paint.

I watch the cobwebs sway in the fan's wind

The ceiling's veins pulsate with each palpitation

The heart of the home still beating

But the brains and the brawns are fighting again

This body lays weak against memory foam

Frothing at the mouth

Rabid with desire

This soft bed holds many secrets

In its abundant stains

The cactus patterned sheets almost prick me

As I am underneath the monk drawing

Striving to pull forward

I picture myself pushing my chariot out of the stones

Gear in neutral

Sweating and grunting as brawns overcome brains

I imagine the feeling of ache in my shoulders

The creatine. The lactic acid

My brain folds away

Like a tv stand

After dinner

At Matilda's

My psyche's power flickers on and off

Nosferatu looks over from the corner

A manic laugh escapes his rotten mouth

As he flicks the switch

Up and down

This place

Neither alive nor dead

But both at the same time

This weight

Against this frameless bed

Lays stagnant

Like water wading

Waiting

Underneath a dock

I reach up to the surface of the water

Gills forming in my cheeks

And I chug the salty ocean

Hallucinating on my death bed

Ready for the fan's wind to blow me away

From dust to dust

In schrodinger's apartment.

[stargazingpoetry]

Has he fallen out of practice

Of his one of many treasured trades:

The poet

Trading feelings for words to express his distress as well as elation.

The scene has changed

But the messages to be conveyed remain:

Let lose the Phoenix of your inner philosopher

The imaginative thinker resting just beneath the surface

Into a fiery blaze

Bring forth the heat of the inner fire

At the core of every poet, the magma of mantras,

And beseech the populous to engulf the flames

In the oceans of their ear canals

Bodies of water both vast and passageways

To endless discovery

An ever expanding aquatic universe.

[stargazingpoetry]

I am gracious for the universe

I hold my arms outstretched in acceptance.

I am grateful for the sandy beach,

The fun in the water and sun

With the one I love.

I find myself in moments of risk taking

Cherishing the results

Proud to be pushing my boundaries

Stepping out of my comfort zone.

I find myself riding the waves

An unlikely surfer

Able to find joy in some of life's most fearful moments.

I am relishing in my gifts

My connectedness

I feel the universe like a series of strings

Waiting to be plucked and strung by this musicians hands

Affected only in forms of harmonies

A collaboration with nature to create something beautiful.

[stargazingpoetry]

No Choice

I had no choice.

I had to live in fear.

Raised under the iron fist,

I’ve been picking off rust shavings.

I’ve been feeling my past rush back,

Memories I had since concealed having their skirts blown up

And I’ve since witnessed indecent exposure.

 I had no choice.

I wasn’t taught love,

I had to learn it on my own.

 I hurt a lot of people,

I have a lot of regrets.

Redemption to be paid,

But my bank account is empty.

 So I struggle for cash,

Pick bottles and cans out of garbage,

To turn in for deposit.

 I, too, turn in the negative thoughts,

Exchange them for something of value.

I work hard for reconciliation.

[stargazingpoetry]

Empty Triangles

What are my needs?

I can't even remember the basics

Food, water, sex, sleep, shelter

How do I climb this hierarchy

With these shackles on my feet?

This retched mental disease,

Fingers pronged into brain folds like a bowling ball

And away I roll

Barrel towards pins

trauma on impact

[stargazingpoetry]

Swift Poetic Justice

Barrel towards destination

A young boy's dreams come true

My own personal angel

Gently ushering me into a perceived afterlife.

Welcome to my funeral

The cars proceed in a line

To the cemetery

As I finally arrive at my destination

Having lived my last day as best as could be

I walk these streets

Flesh decomposes on my zombie body

The cars honk and people shout

"He doesn't know he's dead yet!"

My magnetism guides us towards lost spirits

To return them to their rightful place

My angel and I (an angel becoming)

Embark on my own self discovery.

A book,

An Irish country love story,

Tells secrets of my own past

Warns me of the damnation any paraphilia I may have will lead me to.

I am a preacher

I am a dog

A human soul reborn into mans best friend

A step down

A failure

In my own reincarnation.

We walk back home

The townspeople see me

A yellow halo over head

A daughter and mother detect a presence

My own presence

"I think I see one!"

The daughter excitedly yells to her mother

"Don't get too close!"

The mother replies.

I realize in another life I could have been the mother and daughter

A rose garden sign upon their rented property

The destination my mother wished I had rented

Instead of where I ended up

In this sick brain

Where reality is misinterpreted.

[stargazingpoetry]

I can hear the birds chirping again.

I know we’ll get through this winter,

But at what cost?

When all has been lost,

Our spirits diminished,

The last candle put out,

And all is cloaked in darkness again.

[stargazingpoetry]

Calm and Chaos

Internally,

The war is waged.

Forces antagonize

Deadlines ahead stand like forts of solitude

A destination of completion.

 I wrap my head around

Like the snake coiling in

Encompass my stressors in coping mechanisms

Bring calm to the storm

Shelter in a place of constant chaos

A home with the one I call my own.

 Calm and chaos,

A beach.

The comfort of sand,

Tiny shards of glass

Sharpness relative to sameness and abundance

Become together a comfort

Hands and feet sift through these pieces of glass

On a larger scale, damage could be done,

But in its miniscule state

It is a measure of time

Sifting slowly through the hour glass

 Ocean,

Vast and unexplored.

The effect of currents,

Waves, their theatrical display

A constant conflict of wave against wave

Carry the unexpecting swimmer,

A pawn in this game of illogical chess

A casualty of war

Drowned by the sea of life,

An irony both noticed and appreciated.

[stargazingpoetry]

Derby Hill Bird Observatory

Take my somewhere new,

My adventurer.

Always an ambassador to spaces unique

Areas of unprecedented discovery.

My handsome guide,

Holding my hand as we ascend to new heights,

Eyes affixed upon a new sight.

This body of water

Vast, seemingly never ending

An outstretched portal to another part of the world.

We sit high upon a sought out throne

Together, above our kingdom of nature

Natural energy: a source continuously renewed

We walk

Through a labyrinth of ecosystem.

A natural abode to the avian variety

Although we may not be able to stalk these symbols of true freedom

We tread the land that they hover above

Upon a narrow wooden trail

To an unknown destination

Of our own personal discovery.

[stargazingpoetry]

(Star Gazer) an original song by yours truly!