ok BUT. hear me out here.
what if peter has THREE (3) iron man fan accounts.
the first one started way before he ever met tony, before he became spider-man even. it’s a twitter fan account that has gained tens of thousands of followers along the years thats actually more of a Tony Stark Defense Squad account than a fan account. he doesn’t actually fanboy over tony/iron man on this account, this one is used more to respond to tony’s critics and haters. half of the time it’s with eloquent thinkpieces on why tony stark is, in fact, a good person and the other half of the time it’s with sarcastic comments and memes calling the hater a bumbling idiot.
the second is his actual fan account, the one where he geeks out over any awesome new tech tony designs, rambles about iron man’s superheroics, makes random rankings of his favorite iron man suits. he made this one before becoming spider-man, too, and had gained a few hundred followers, but when he got bit by the spider and started out as a vigilante, he slowly abandoned the account because he was just too busy. that is, until he walked into his apartment one day to see tony stark sitting on his sofa. after that day, and after germany, after fighting alongside him, well. the flame of his hero worship was re-ignited like the sun, and so of course he went back to the account he used as an outlet for all his thoughs and feelings and opinions about how great tony stark is.
the third account, though. this was his most shameful, the most secretive of them all. it’s a complete nsfw thirst blog on tumblr. there are no defensive thinkpieces or light-hearted musings of his tech here, oh, no. this is where he reblogs all of the hottest photos of tony ever taken, writing complete filth in the tags. this is where he goes for all the sinful, dirty ‘tony x reader’ fanfiction he is so, so embarrassed about reading (but not embarrassed enough that he doesn’t still get off to it.) this is even the place he finds those amazing download links to every hidden, should-be-permanently-deleted leaked sex tape video tony has ever made.
if all of that wasn’t bad enough, he doesn’t even have the excuse of making this account before meeting tony, either. this account was not born out of simple hero worship or celebrity crush, but was created after peter had gotten to really know tony stark. he now knew tony as a person, not as a hero to be put on a pedastal. but peter unfortunately found the old adage of “never meet your heroes, they’re sure to disappoint you” to be painfully untrue, as he only grew to love tony more after learning about him.
all that love came with lust, though, which is what led peter, desperate to find a release for his more inappropriate feelings, to make the thirst blog.
luckily, even before he had a secret identity to protect, peter had always been wary about strangers on the internet, and had therefore never posted any personal information onto any of his accounts, even before spider-man. there were no selfies, no mentions of being from queens, no posts about his personal life, not even his full name could be found. so, he figured his three little secrets were safe. he thought tony would always certainly have better things to do than to try and figure out who StarkHasAHeart, his biggest account, is, much less his other two with less than a thousand followers each.
which is why tony’s, “you run two fan blogs about me, so you don’t get to talk.” shocks him to his core.
his eyes widen, his jaw actually drops open, and his entire face blooms red. tony just laughs, though not unkindly, and pats him on the shoulder. “what, you thought i didn’t know? it’s ok, kid. you say some pretty sweet stuff on them. i’m flattered, truly. even thought about making a spider-man defense account to repay the favor when jameson started up on his bullshit, at least until i remembered i’m me, and that i could just have him fired for slander.” peter remains speechless, though, and his blush has spread all the way down his neck, under his shirt. tony pushes away the intrusive little thought of, ‘how far down does that pretty red go’ and instead says, “really, pete. it’s fine. having a hot young guy ‘hype me up’ online is not the end of the world for me.”
that finally gets a reaction out of peter, only a quick huff of a laugh at the use of the phrase “hype me up”, taught to him by peter himself. but now, peter is currently stuck on a different phrase. the words, “hot young guy” float around his head in big, bright, boldfaced text. and he blames it on that, the fact that he’s too distracted to be thinking clearly, for what he says next.
“yea, okay. it’s fine. it’s cool. and you only found two, which is great, so it’s fine, it’ll be fine.”
he doesn’t even realize his mistake, the secret he accidentally rambled out as an anxious response until tony says, “…..what do you mean, ‘only two’?”