Didn't I say I'd always be your same stars? If you get to missing me, just look up.
Time became irrelevant to him, something which flowed around him, like a sturdy rock in the middle of a river, vaguely noticed, but largely ineffective against him. Yet, slowly, whittling away at him. Grain by grain. Piece by piece. Stealing away parts of himself he had once never imagined himself capable of living without.
Clinically, he could have probably been diagnosed with something, given a treatment, and pushed onward for a while longer. He could continue walking through life, smiling at people who knew him, making conversation that he’d barely recall afterward. Curling up to sleep in an empty bed - or perhaps someone would be in it that night, depending who was on planet or off work or not otherwise occupied.
But at the end of the day, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to grin and bear it anymore. He didn’t want to continue pretending to be happy, not even for the people that mattered most, those that were left anyway.
Anthony’s momentum had picked up tremendously; his total freedom lay within his arm’s reach.
So even that part of his life was coming to a close. Soon he would even be alone in his own head again.
And one day, as he sat in the kitchen, staring at the coffee maker, dully putting together what he might try to do for the day, all at once he decided.
He would leave.
He packed a bag quickly, bringing few personal effects. Trinkets from loved ones. Things that even now he couldn’t bring himself to give up. He curled his fingers into the furs from Baldr and remembered the nights at the Breidablik, tucked against a God who burned like a furnace, keeping him warm against everything but the cold that had begun to seep through his bones. Fingers trailed along the empty decanter from the gift Sif had given him for the holidays, and he smiled remembering the way she had looked in the dress he’d given her. Lodur would take good care of Lady and Gamma for him. As he stood over his bag, he found more and more names coming to mind, trickling through like sand between his fingers. Dummy, Hermann, Grey, Junior, Steve, Kez, Wade, Arc… Bruce… Clint… Loki…
His fingers squeezed around the ring that rolled loosely in his palm, and then he slipped it into the bag with the rest of his memories and zipped it up tight.
Slinging the duffel over his shoulder, he turned away and headed for the door. It was still early enough that no one would be awake. He’d be too far gone to trace by the time his absence was noticed.
Sir?
Tony slipped into the elevator, and pressed the button for the garage. “Yeah, buddy?”
Are we going on a vacation?
He smiled to himself, and closed his eyes behind his sunglasses. “I was thinking somewhere remote - Hotel California. Or off planet, maybe. If Quill could do it, why not me, right?”
Shall I make the proper arrangements for us, sir?
"Yeah. You know what to do." Pepper would take care of the company, find another worthy heir for the Stark empire.
The others would adjust. They might mourn. But they would have to make it without him, from now on. He’d built himself into a crutch for everyone he loved, out of a desperation to keep them from ever leaving him. But now, it was time for him to make that final move. Hopefully… everyone would be fine.
And maybe one day he’d come back. When he found what he needed, wherever and whatever that might be.
But for now, it was goodbye.
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