Stark Raving Dad

I rely solely on coffee to parent effectively. No, really.

[starkravingdad]

You could tell them where to go, how to get there, what it will look like, and what you expect of them on the way.

Or...you could step back and trust their ability to explore and understand the world on their own terms.

Be their guide, not their master.

[starkravingdad]

There was a time when being busy was a badge worn with pride - a way to show the world we were contributing and achieving because we were *doing* things...

By the time we realised how much it was impacting our lives, it was almost too late - it had become an epidemic. Working overtime was respected more than producing results. Being last to leave the office five nights straight was an achievement. Leaving early to watch your kid play sport...aren’t you committed to your job?

I know a lot of people trying to fight that now. And it *is* a fight - many of us are so conditioned to living in a state of ‘busy’ that we feel uncomfortable when we step out of it. It goes against something we’ve built deep into ourselves and our culture.

Yet when we stop we find magic. We’re suddenly aware of moments we’d forgotten even existed.

We rediscover that softness in our children’s eyes as they watch us get down on their level instead of rushing past. We remember that by just being with them we’re saying they’re *worth our time* - a message too many children don’t receive enough.

It’s not too late but we need to slow down *now*. Stop, even.

The work will wait. Their childhood won’t.

[starkravingdad]

Be quick to anger, and so will they. Yell, and so will they. Complain, and so will they.

Play, and so will they.

Listen, encourage and support, and so will they.

Sing, dance and laugh...and so will they.

When you look at your child, you are looking in the mirror.

[starkravingdad]

Being fully responsible for someone...it’s almost completely overwhelming if you think about it too much.

And then you have one of those flashes of light where you stop to think about how much trust they’re putting in you - every day, implicitly, without hesitation - and that they’ve probably got pretty good reason to keep doing that.

It’s the stitching together of those moments that shifts us as parents - from straining under the enormity of the whole thing to a quiet but growing confidence that we’ve got this.

We’ve got this.

You’ve got this.

[starkravingdad]

We each occupy such a tiny, *tiny* fraction of the earth. What a thing it is for a child to learn how big the rest of it is, how many people occupy it, how many cultures, customs and societies they represent...

And then, the thing that really gets their eyes sparkling...realising it’s all out there just waiting to be explored 🌏 🙌

[starkravingdad]

A common perception of homeschooling is that it shelters children. That as homeschooling or unschooling parents we’re narrowing down their worldview, deliberately or not, to something that sits inside our own little walls.

The perception also holds that children need school to prepare them for the real world, and if a child misses out on that experience they’ll become adults with less developed social skills, coping mechanisms, and narrow, shallow world views. The perception puts alternative education in a tiny box.

But...by taking our children out of school we’ve actually broken down the walls completely. There aren’t any left.

There are no social boundaries defined by age, gender, race, culture, academic ability or behavioural tendencies.

There is no social conditioning on societal hierarchy or set eat, play and work times.

There is no bullying or stigmatising - and if there is, it can be confidently walked away from without playground consequences tomorrow.

There are no Friday-afternoon/Sunday-night emotional rollercoasters. The long-for-the-weekend and dread-the-week paradigm has been completely smashed.

Like it or not, believe it or not - it is the school system that systematically narrows and conditions our children’s perspective on life. And if that version is the one we hold up as the ideal then you can count us out of the ‘real world’.

If you want to be part of the change, come find us - we’ll be over here helping build a new one.

[starkravingdad]

Be there - to protect, to support, to guide.

And then...know when to step back.

Love is finding the balance between the two.

[starkravingdad]

Back when our kids were in school our eldest son - a gentle, caring soul - gave his mum a much tighter hug than he normally would when he got home one day. With slightly teary eyes he said:

“Mummy, my teacher...I think she was trying to be nice because I was lonely at lunchtime...she said I didn’t have to worry because she was a bit like my mum now...that I’m with her more than you, even, and she would look after me...and I guess that’s nice, but...I want to be with you more!”

After fixing the teary eyes with a mummy-made hot chocolate, we reflected:

Taking out any pre-school care time, most children will spend 13 years in school.

There are, on average, 180 school days per year.

Each of those days will require at least 6 hours inside school grounds.

That’s 1,080 hours per year and over 14,000 across a child’s school career.

Our son’s teacher had a point. And while I know her heart was in the right place, hearing that line was like a punch to the stomach. We’ve always valued togetherness as a family - exploring, learning, experiencing, playing, discovering - and the thought of spending 14,000 hours less on all that?

No thank you, that's not for us.

[starkravingdad]

If we protect and foster the natural sense of wonder and joy our children have when they’re young, they will grow up - in some way or another, big or small - to make the world a better place.

I believe that with all of my heart.

[starkravingdad]

Here’s to the wild ones.

The restless, loud ones. The rule bending, breaking ones. The ones we told to sit down, slow down, quiet down, calm down, back down.

To the ones who don’t have to be down now. To the ones who can run, jump, shout, laugh, sing, and play now. To the ones writing their own rules now.

Here’s to the free ones.

[starkravingdad]

That chorus of relief from parents at the end of school holidays - I get it, but when my kids were in school I never felt it. It was the opposite - actual heartache while I waved goodbye to them on that Monday morning. And the Tuesday. And the Wednesday...

And I never really told people I felt that way because no one else I knew did. Or, if they did, they weren’t saying it either. Sometimes I even joined in with the chorus to - oh no! - fit in.

But I think I’ve gone through as much of a deschooling experience as my kids have - I’m just so confident in what we’re doing now, and why.

I’m not saying parents who feel that relief are wrong. Like I said, I totally get it. But when I look my boys in the face now I can see we’re all following our hearts, and I’ll never feel embarrassed about sharing that again.

[starkravingdad]

Ever looked closely at your child’s face while you’re helping them with something? Sometimes there’s this look of...admiration, almost awe...in their eyes.

When you see it grab that moment with both hands and never let it go. Then whenever you’re struggling as a parent, for whatever reason, remember it.

Because when your child looks at you that way, they’re looking at their hero.

[starkravingdad]

Always ✨

[starkravingdad]

This is her classroom.

And the beach. The library. The museum. Dance class. Our karate club. Our local shops. Our street. Playgrounds. The train. Our home.

Her classmates? Everyone, everywhere, of any age and from any background.

She will never tie learning to a school. It will be everywhere, all around her, all the time.  

It will never feel hierarchical, age-divided or mandated.

She looks at the world around her in absolute wonder, exploring what interests her at a pace that she sets. And I’ll be damned if that will change when she turns five and someone decides she needs to be taught.

Nope. We’ll say a polite no-thanks and turn back to the most perfectly designed and resourced classroom there is - the world around us, and everything and everybody in it.

[starkravingdad]

Parents: we're all going to look behind us and want these days back. Slow down, there'll be plenty of time to rush later 💙

[starkravingdad]

Here's to everyone breaking the mould 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♀️💫

[starkravingdad]

Your toddler would like you to know why they’re not quite ready to head out the door yet:

I have a cheerio stuck to my sock. TWO CHEERIOS! Oh my goodness. I can’t leave with cheerios on my sock.

Wait - have I jammed any food down the back of the couch this morning? I..I haven’t!

My toes are itchy. Ugh, gotta get these shoes off. Itching...one...at a...time. Ahh, lovely, let’s put these shoes back on. Ooooo, look at that, the first one is itchy again 🙃

Thiiiink I might be hungry - better fuel up again before I go, I don’t know how many minutes it’ll be before we get to more food.

Better tuck teddy back into bed. Hmm, he looks lonely. Where are teddy’s [27] friends? 🤗

I’m not finished my glass of milk but I really want to take it with me 🤔 Got it! I’ll just pour it down my front 💁‍♀️

HOLD ON A SECOND - there are no cheerios on my sock! I can’t leave without cheerios on my sock.

You know what? I will wear that outfit you spent an hour trying to get me into earlier. I’ve come around, you’re right, it’s lovely. Can you help me get these shoes off?