The hem of their shirt isn’t going to make it to the end of this meeting, at the rate they’ve picked at a once-tiny loose thread that’s now wrapped around their finger.
Aside from the nervous tic and quietly bouncing leg though, Atlas thinks they’ve kept up with this rep well enough. She’s pleasant, the sort of corporate friendliness to be expected of a position like this, but at least she seems to actually mean it; so it’s easier to pretend. And they seem to be talking and smiling at the right times, because she replies in a bubbly voice and moves on to the next bullet point. The edge of their folder is lifted off the desk as she reads, and they try to maintain eye contact – fighting the urge to stare down the typed words as though if they don’t, the ink will somehow betray him.
She excuses herself halfway through. Atlas tries not to read into it. Just smiles and nods, deftly fielding her apologies with a quiet, “No worries,” as she slips out the door.
A minute goes by. Another. There’s a loud tapping sound that they dimly realize is them; their leg is bouncing faster now. The breath they take in to steady themselves is shaky at best, useless at worst. Sweat beads at their hairline, and their heart thumps loud enough that they swear it can be heard all the way down the hall.
Another minute. They start reciting poems in their head, something else to focus on – to block out the sound.
‘ And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
“’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—
This it is and nothing more.” ’
It’s not working. Desperation wins out, pushing aside any clinging confidence in favor of the burning need for some kind of reassurance, and Atlas casts a quick glance over the shoulder before reaching for the file.
Does it say what it’s supposed to? Are the words what they should be? God this was so stupid, so stupid, why the hell did they put their trust in—
The doorknob twists and Atlas sits back too rapidly to stay steady, nearly toppling out of the wood chair before righting themself. The rep checks on him in that cloyingly sweet voice, to which they force a smile and try to laugh it off – they just got so excited they could barely sit still. To which she beams and moves on, apologizes for the delay (some kind of computer disaster). Nothing to do with him, she assures as she settles back into her own chair.
Atlas smiles and offers commiseration – “Gotta love technology,” they say – and the interview goes on.
They try to focus on her. Not on the sound still thumping away in their chest.
‘And suddenly there came a tapping,
as of someone gently rapping,
rapping at my chamber door…’
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.