cloud gate
i watched the sunset with you. hues of pink and tangerine peeking behind skyscrapers. i slept with you. hours spent wide awake in bed past 4am. thinking âif i had made one difference in the past, this would be my view every 4amâ i lost control of myself with you. loud confessions and secrets i held dear to my heart, meant for no one to ever hear, that everyone could now hear. and you heard them all, remembered them all.  why always with you. what about you makes me lose my resolve, my stability, my honesty, my trust, my own faith in myself. do i love him? he asks. yes but no. sometimes yes, sometimes no. but mostly i do not know. i hold my breath and wait until the emotions tide over. iâm still drowning in them, but maybe i will make it to shore. iâm still lost in the sky. the cloud is fogging my vision. maybe one day i will find the gate. but for now, i still wonder what could have changed if i gave you that kiss. and for now, i will purge you from my mind, soul, but more importantly. my heart.Â
