don't come a-knockin'

[barkmaxing]

Trans girls are chewtoys you just have to bite *really* hard for the squeaker to work

[shesarainbeaux-deactivated20221]

[starshipsurakin]

I am very nostalgic for a specific time in college when I was fairly thin and had close to the typical female body shape. I spend a lot of time now despairing of how ugly I feel, post nonbinary transition (and unrelated weight gain).

...buuut, objectively, I know that at that time in my life I was regularly deeply unhappy for any number of reasons: a perfectly nice boy wanted to kiss me and it was terrifying, I got a UTI and had a breakdown about how gross I felt, my undiagnosed sexual pain disorder frustrated me to tears, I had to leave a party because I felt too fat to be seen by others, I couldn’t make eye contact with myself in the mirror, etc. I’ve really settled into myself and my body now, and experience much less anxiety/fear/distress about it. (but its not zero)

what my brain is trying to do here is remove the causal connection between transition and emotional experience, and say, “oh, you’re just more confident with time/age, and if you hadn’t been a dumb idiot and ruined your body you could be sexy AND confident” and I like. obviously don’t believe that, because the process of verbalizing my feelings and then experimenting to see what worked for me is *obviously* a large part of what produced the change. it was a painful and difficult period of vulnerability and growth. 

just, the fact that this is happening at all is so...insidious? I was so unhappy for so long! I truly don’t think I could have felt safe/actualized/comfortable with breasts in this society if I lived a hundred years. I never once enjoyed people being attracted to me because of my breasts, I didn’t really even like people touching them, if I wear prosthetics to go out in public I feel my adolescent tic disorder flaring back up, and my brain is STILL trying to convince me that I am gross and monstrous and somehow I should have figured out how to keep them so that I could be beautiful (???) being a girl is a hate crime. 

[starshipsurakin]

it’s not really practical to discontinue the venlafaxine to see if my constant horniness will go away, because I can’t risk another depressive episode.

anyway, I have a strong feeling about this correlation, I don’t think I require evidence for it. its not...bad? exactly? just a WILD experience to be having in the one year when we are all legally prohibited from fucking around.

[starshipsurakin]

I will say, what with the amount of experimenting I’ve done with just one partner when it comes to what girth, length, firmness, texture, and shape of insertable toys she prefers, I am having an incredibly difficult time imagining how most cis dude tops cope with just the one biocock. 

[starshipsurakin]

god, I forgot how much I love prompting on kink memes, I’m so good at it and its so much fun

[starshipsurakin]

the best sex act is 3 hours of collaboratively fantasizing about wildly perverse things on discord text chat and no one actually comes you just eventually both fall asleep

[zsww-moved-to-pillowfort-deacti]

© 狐狸大王a

※re-posted with permission ※please don’t remove the source

[starshipsurakin]

this summer is really gonna stand out in my memory as the summer of being unbelievably horny and hyperfixating on chinese wizard pornography anyway if you cast Golden Silk Barrier on a smaller scale its functionally just a cock cage right

[starshipsurakin]

okay I’m sure this is funny but IDK what you mean :’(

[starshipsurakin]

would very much like to shake the conviction that I am too Unfathomably Repulsive for other people to tolerate by the end of the time period in which it is inadvisable to have sex because of the plague

...the plague is not helping by activating the cascade of stress responses that cause me to accumulate abdominal fat and break out in zits

[starshipsurakin]

its really embarrassing that my sexual flavour (topness, bottomness, strangeness, charm...get it?) is so strongly correlated with my mood that the fact that I’m consistently horny in a toppy way again can be taken as evidence that my antidepressants are working

[starshipsurakin]

I added little battery-powered tap-on/tap-off lights to the top of the cubbies in the sex cabinet! this is an INSANELY decadent thing I’ve done here, given that I still don’t...own a bed frame...

[starshipsurakin]

sibling incest is a huge squick but siblings ‘sharing’ the same person is hot 

[starshipsurakin]

tumblr tried to hide the sex cabinet video from you but I’m appealing because it does NOT include human genitals or sex acts

[starshipsurakin]

[starshipsurakin]

oh hello, I almost forgot you were back on tumblr! that’s where the boredom comes in, I truly don’t know how long I could focus on delaying someone else’s orgasm before it became tedious. my attention wanders!