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@startmyenjin
nellz ネルズ
⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ
28 | she/they | delusional
non binary, pansexual freak with a tendency to fall in love with people that don’t exist
◌ 𓈒 ꒪
this shrine blog is my little place to talk anime/manga, fawn over fictional characters, maybe post some art and share the stories in my head.
please expect smut + angst + OC + theories + general anime brainrot.
drama free zone. good vibes only ࣪ ˖ 𖦹°⋆
࣪ ִֶָ☾.࣪࿐ dividers credit: @uzmacchiato
been thinkin’ a whole lot about goka recently……
thinkin’ a WHOLE LOT about being the second joint operation (won’t be boring though) between goka and enjin recently……
i was innocently washing dishes and ghost of you by 5sos came on and this is the first thing i thought of, IM SORRY (╥﹏╥)
i am holding out hope for tomorrow’s chapter. i just had to break my heart in preparation, just in case.
do NOT read if you’re not caught up to the manga
enjin’s anima body snaps back into him the moment rudo throws it, and for the briefest second, it looks like it worked. like somehow he got away with it. the parking lot is still settling around them, doll festival reduced to dust, trash, and exhausted survivors trying to process everything that just happened.
enjin sways slightly as he regains his footing, both arms stretched out. “how’s that?” he asks rudo, voice rough but familiar. “things lookin’ a little better now?” and it sounds so normal. so enjin. like he hasn’t just forced himself through something no one should survive.
then reality catches up around you. rudo finishes the fight with mymo, but you? you watch him standing there, smiling like everything is fine, and for one impossible heartbeat, you want to believe it. you want to believe he made it. that somehow, against all reason, he found a way through.
then the world catches up. you see it before you understand it. a line appears across his neck- a line that wasn’t there a second ago. then it opens, blood sprays, enjin’s eyes widen, the smile still stuck on his face as it all catches up to him at once.
and suddenly he’s falling.
“enjin!” the scream tears itself from your throat. everything happens at once. rudo lurches forward, someone shouts for help, but you reach him first. his knees hit the ground hard, blood spilling through his fingers as he instinctively clamps a hand over the wound. too much, far too much.
no… not like this, not after everything.
you drop beside him so fast you almost fall yourself, grabbing his shoulders as his balance gives way. “stay with me,” the words leave you before you even realise you’re saying them. “enjin, stay with me.” his breathing is wet, wrong. each breath sounds like it’s fighting to exist, yet somehow his eyes still find yours.
always you. even now- especially now.
for a moment he just stares, like he’s trying to memorise you. like he’s afraid he’ll forget. and fuck, you hate that look. because it isn’t panic. it isn’t fear. it’s acceptance, and you can’t bear it.
“no,” your voice cracks. “don’t you fucking dare.”
a faint laugh escapes him. or maybe it’s a cough. maybe it’s both. blood slips from the corner of his mouth. then you see it- his hand moving, not toward the wound, but toward the watchman watch.
“no,” you urge as his fingers brush the metal. “enjin, no.”
the world around you seems to hold its breath. the cleaners who came with you both to doll fest- the ones who came sprinting despite their own injuries the moment word reached them about what was happening- go still. because everyone understands. rudo. riyo. zanka. august. eishia. amo. fu. every single person who fought beside him. they all know exactly what he’s about to do.
one more time. a final use. one final theft. not to fight, or win. not to save the world. just to live a little longer, just long enough. just… enough.
the watch activates.
time fractures and the parking lot shudders. reality slows, and suddenly you and enjin are standing. not his bleeding body slumped in your arms. your anima selves, whole. and he is unscathed. beautifully, painfully whole.
you freeze, and for a second you can’t breathe. because there he is. the enjin who laughs, the enjin who teases, the enjin who drives you insane- the enjin you love. standing in front of you, looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world.
his smile is small. tired. heartbreakingly gentle. “tsk,” he brushes a hair from your face. “we got dressed up all fancy an’ i didn’t even get to ask ya t’dance.”
the tears start before you can stop them.
enjin’s expression softens. “oh,” his hand lifts, warm fingers brushing your cheek, wiping away tears that are immediately replaced by more. “hey-“
“don’t,” you whimper as the word breaks apart in your throat. “please… don’t.” you’re not even sure who you’re begging anymore.
for a moment his smile falters, just a little. enough for you to see how much this hurts him too. then he reaches for your hand.
“one dance.” his voice is quiet. “so i don’t gotta regret it.”
the air around you remains silent. nobody can interrupt. nobody looks away. riyo’s eyes are frozen. zanka looks as though he’s fighting a million battles in his heart and mind. and rudo stares, eyes wide and disbelieving. because everyone understands that this moment doesn’t belong to them. it belongs to you and enjin.
you take his hand. of course you do, what else could you possibly do now? the second your fingers intertwine, enjin grins. there he is. for one impossible moment, there he is. the world falls away. no blood, no fighting, no endings... just him.
he pulls you closer, one hand settling at your waist, the other holding yours, and you begin to dance. slowly. awkwardly. neither of you have ever been particularly good at it. but that somehow makes it worse. because it’s real. god, it’s so real.
you laugh through tears. enjin laughs too, and for a few precious moments it feels like you’ve stolen something from fate, like maybe time walk actually worked, like maybe you won.
the parking lot blurs around the two of you, the spectating cleaners becoming distant shapes. enjin spins you once, nearly loses his footing, and laughs when you catch him. “smooth,” he chimes, and you smirk through watery eyes. “shut up,” you scold him, and your voice catches on the words, realising that that’s the last time you’ll say it to him. “heh,” he huffs as he grins down at you.
you keep moving. one step. then another… another. as if you can stay like this forever if you never stop. as if the dance itself can keep him alive.
but then you notice it, the flickering. the edges of his anima body, your anima body, growing thinner. growing transparent. the smile on his face remains, but the light around both of you is fading. he is fading.
no… not yet. please, not yet.
enjin sees you notice. of course he does, he always notices. his hand squeezes yours. “it’s okay,” he tries to reassure you.
“no.”
“babe-”
“no,” the word comes out desperate, broken and childish, but you don’t care. “no!” you try to yell, but it comes out as nothing above a whisper.
the flickering worsens, his shoulders beginning to dissolve into fragments of light. his fingers, his hair, the outline of his body. like time itself is reclaiming him.
you grab him with both hands as if you can physically stop it, like you can hold him here through sheer force of love. but your anima body is fading alongside his, both of you being pulled back toward reality, toward the truth bleeding out in your arms.
tears are pouring down your face now, you can’t stop them, you don’t even try. enjin reaches up one final time. both hands cupping your face, already becoming transparent.
“you were worth it,” his voice is full of pride. not regret, not sorrow… pride. and the words nearly destroy you because he means them. every second. every injury. every sacrifice. everything.
“you were worth it all, baby.”
“don’t…” the plea shatters in your throat. “please… don’t.”
his forehead presses against yours. and for the first time all day- for the first time since this nightmare began- enjin looks scared. just a little… just enough to be human.
“i wanted more time,” his confession is barely a whisper, his throat bobbing. “so did i,” your voice breaking completely, and for a moment neither of you speaks.
“i love you. always have, always will,” he says to you, as he has done a thousand- more- times before. “i know,” you reassure him. “i love you too.” he seems to breathe easier once those words leave your lips. “i know,” he echoes.
the dance has stopped, hell, the world has stopped.
enjin swallows hard. then his eyes drift past you- toward rudo, toward the cleaners, toward everyone he’s leaving behind.
“look after the kid,” his gaze lingers on rudo, then shifts. “all of ‘em.”
riyo. zanka. august. eishia. amo. even fu. everyone here, and back at HQ.
“yourself, too… you first,” he sounds as though he’s pleading, because of course he knows what this is going to do to you.
you try to answer, try to promise him, but nothing comes out. so you just nod. and enjin smiles, like that’s enough. you were always enough.
the flickering worsens, cracks spreading through the edges of his anima body, and still… he stays. still he looks at you, as if you’re the last thing he wants to see.
slowly, carefully, he leans forward and kisses you. not rushed, or desperate. just gentle. warm, lingering. like he’s trying to memorise it. trying to leave a part of him on you. when he pulls away, he’s smiling. small. soft. beautiful.
and then his anima body shatters. gone. just gone… and the world crashes back. the parking lot, the blood, the dust, the trash.
reality.
you’re back on your knees, back holding the real enjin, the one weakening in your arms as each second passes. his eyes flutter open weakly, just once, finding you immediately. always you.
his fingers twitch, managing to curl around yours. a final touch, final reassurance. a final goodbye. his lips move, barely. you almost don’t hear it… almost.
“…worth it.”
and then the tension leaves him. the fight. the pain. that stubborn refusal to quit of his. all of it… gone. his hand slips from yours, his breathing stops, and enjin dies in your arms.
no one speaks. no one moves.
not rudo, not riyo, not zanka. not even eishia. not a single cleaner, because there is nothing left to say.
doll festival is over. the music stopped a long time ago, the lights are gone, the decorations hang torn and broken around the parking lot, reminders of a celebration that never got to finish.
somehow that feels crueler than anything. because you got dressed up- all of you did. you were all excited for this day, despite the mission. for a chance to laugh, to dance… and in the end, the only dance you got was one stolen from time itself.
one that lasted only long enough to become a memory.
you pull enjin closer, as if holding him tighter might change something, as if love has ever been stronger than time. as if you haven’t already learned the answer.
around you, the parking lot remains silent, and for the first time since you met him, enjin isn’t moving, isn’t talking… isn’t laughing. he’s just…
gone.
I PUT SCOOBY-DOO SONG ON THIS.
gachiakuta manga chapter 168 spoilers!!
OK AT LEAST HE IS STILL ALIVE!!!!!! HE IS!!!!!! but that facial expression….. i do not like. no. nope. i mean i do…. but bc he looks sexy but he looks PAINEDDDD
SOMEONE GET EISHIA!!!!!!
NOOOOOW!!!!
also i love these two i hope they live happily ever after, ok?? ok. urana sensei enough is ENOUGH PLS GIVE THEM HAPPINESS!!!!! PLS LET US KNOW ENJIN’S FAAAATE (˃̣̣̥ᯅ˂̣̣̥)
does enjin still have the spell that remlin put on him in canvas town since he didn’t get fatally hit when meeting amo??? i am clutching at straws BUT
what iffffff the hit from delmon wasn’t enough to trigger the spell, and so he’s gonna be JUST FINE!!! RIGHT!! :D
And all of this at once.
honestly sometimes there's no better feeling than rereading a fic you've written and coming out of it going, "yeah that actually this DOES slap. exactly what i wanted to read. fucking nailed it."
gachiakuta fandom rn
i was innocently washing dishes and ghost of you by 5sos came on and this is the first thing i thought of, IM SORRY (╥﹏╥)
i am holding out hope for tomorrow’s chapter. i just had to break my heart in preparation, just in case.
do NOT read if you’re not caught up to the manga
enjin’s anima body snaps back into him the moment rudo throws it, and for the briefest second, it looks like it worked. like somehow he got away with it. the parking lot is still settling around them, doll festival reduced to dust, trash, and exhausted survivors trying to process everything that just happened.
enjin sways slightly as he regains his footing, both arms stretched out. “how’s that?” he asks rudo, voice rough but familiar. “things lookin’ a little better now?” and it sounds so normal. so enjin. like he hasn’t just forced himself through something no one should survive.
then reality catches up around you. rudo finishes the fight with mymo, but you? you watch him standing there, smiling like everything is fine, and for one impossible heartbeat, you want to believe it. you want to believe he made it. that somehow, against all reason, he found a way through.
then the world catches up. you see it before you understand it. a line appears across his neck- a line that wasn’t there a second ago. then it opens, blood sprays, enjin’s eyes widen, the smile still stuck on his face as it all catches up to him at once.
and suddenly he’s falling.
“enjin!” the scream tears itself from your throat. everything happens at once. rudo lurches forward, someone shouts for help, but you reach him first. his knees hit the ground hard, blood spilling through his fingers as he instinctively clamps a hand over the wound. too much, far too much.
no… not like this, not after everything.
you drop beside him so fast you almost fall yourself, grabbing his shoulders as his balance gives way. “stay with me,” the words leave you before you even realise you’re saying them. “enjin, stay with me.” his breathing is wet, wrong. each breath sounds like it’s fighting to exist, yet somehow his eyes still find yours.
always you. even now- especially now.
for a moment he just stares, like he’s trying to memorise you. like he’s afraid he’ll forget. and fuck, you hate that look. because it isn’t panic. it isn’t fear. it’s acceptance, and you can’t bear it.
“no,” your voice cracks. “don’t you fucking dare.”
a faint laugh escapes him. or maybe it’s a cough. maybe it’s both. blood slips from the corner of his mouth. then you see it- his hand moving, not toward the wound, but toward the watchman watch.
“no,” you urge as his fingers brush the metal. “enjin, no.”
the world around you seems to hold its breath. the cleaners who came with you both to doll fest- the ones who came sprinting despite their own injuries the moment word reached them about what was happening- go still. because everyone understands. rudo. riyo. zanka. august. eishia. amo. fu. every single person who fought beside him. they all know exactly what he’s about to do.
one more time. a final use. one final theft. not to fight, or win. not to save the world. just to live a little longer, just long enough. just… enough.
the watch activates.
time fractures and the parking lot shudders. reality slows, and suddenly you and enjin are standing. not his bleeding body slumped in your arms. your anima selves, whole. and he is unscathed. beautifully, painfully whole.
you freeze, and for a second you can’t breathe. because there he is. the enjin who laughs, the enjin who teases, the enjin who drives you insane- the enjin you love. standing in front of you, looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world.
his smile is small. tired. heartbreakingly gentle. “tsk,” he brushes a hair from your face. “we got dressed up all fancy an’ i didn’t even get to ask ya t’dance.”
the tears start before you can stop them.
enjin’s expression softens. “oh,” his hand lifts, warm fingers brushing your cheek, wiping away tears that are immediately replaced by more. “hey-“
“don’t,” you whimper as the word breaks apart in your throat. “please… don’t.” you’re not even sure who you’re begging anymore.
for a moment his smile falters, just a little. enough for you to see how much this hurts him too. then he reaches for your hand.
“one dance.” his voice is quiet. “so i don’t gotta regret it.”
the air around you remains silent. nobody can interrupt. nobody looks away. riyo’s eyes are frozen. zanka looks as though he’s fighting a million battles in his heart and mind. and rudo stares, eyes wide and disbelieving. because everyone understands that this moment doesn’t belong to them. it belongs to you and enjin.
you take his hand. of course you do, what else could you possibly do now? the second your fingers intertwine, enjin grins. there he is. for one impossible moment, there he is. the world falls away. no blood, no fighting, no endings... just him.
he pulls you closer, one hand settling at your waist, the other holding yours, and you begin to dance. slowly. awkwardly. neither of you have ever been particularly good at it. but that somehow makes it worse. because it’s real. god, it’s so real.
you laugh through tears. enjin laughs too, and for a few precious moments it feels like you’ve stolen something from fate, like maybe time walk actually worked, like maybe you won.
the parking lot blurs around the two of you, the spectating cleaners becoming distant shapes. enjin spins you once, nearly loses his footing, and laughs when you catch him. “smooth,” he chimes, and you smirk through watery eyes. “shut up,” you scold him, and your voice catches on the words, realising that that’s the last time you’ll say it to him. “heh,” he huffs as he grins down at you.
you keep moving. one step. then another… another. as if you can stay like this forever if you never stop. as if the dance itself can keep him alive.
but then you notice it, the flickering. the edges of his anima body, your anima body, growing thinner. growing transparent. the smile on his face remains, but the light around both of you is fading. he is fading.
no… not yet. please, not yet.
enjin sees you notice. of course he does, he always notices. his hand squeezes yours. “it’s okay,” he tries to reassure you.
“no.”
“babe-”
“no,” the word comes out desperate, broken and childish, but you don’t care. “no!” you try to yell, but it comes out as nothing above a whisper.
the flickering worsens, his shoulders beginning to dissolve into fragments of light. his fingers, his hair, the outline of his body. like time itself is reclaiming him.
you grab him with both hands as if you can physically stop it, like you can hold him here through sheer force of love. but your anima body is fading alongside his, both of you being pulled back toward reality, toward the truth bleeding out in your arms.
tears are pouring down your face now, you can’t stop them, you don’t even try. enjin reaches up one final time. both hands cupping your face, already becoming transparent.
“you were worth it,” his voice is full of pride. not regret, not sorrow… pride. and the words nearly destroy you because he means them. every second. every injury. every sacrifice. everything.
“you were worth it all, baby.”
“don’t…” the plea shatters in your throat. “please… don’t.”
his forehead presses against yours. and for the first time all day- for the first time since this nightmare began- enjin looks scared. just a little… just enough to be human.
“i wanted more time,” his confession is barely a whisper, his throat bobbing. “so did i,” your voice breaking completely, and for a moment neither of you speaks.
“i love you. always have, always will,” he says to you, as he has done a thousand- more- times before. “i know,” you reassure him. “i love you too.” he seems to breathe easier once those words leave your lips. “i know,” he echoes.
the dance has stopped, hell, the world has stopped.
enjin swallows hard. then his eyes drift past you- toward rudo, toward the cleaners, toward everyone he’s leaving behind.
“look after the kid,” his gaze lingers on rudo, then shifts. “all of ‘em.”
riyo. zanka. august. eishia. amo. even fu. everyone here, and back at HQ.
“yourself, too… you first,” he sounds as though he’s pleading, because of course he knows what this is going to do to you.
you try to answer, try to promise him, but nothing comes out. so you just nod. and enjin smiles, like that’s enough. you were always enough.
the flickering worsens, cracks spreading through the edges of his anima body, and still… he stays. still he looks at you, as if you’re the last thing he wants to see.
slowly, carefully, he leans forward and kisses you. not rushed, or desperate. just gentle. warm, lingering. like he’s trying to memorise it. trying to leave a part of him on you. when he pulls away, he’s smiling. small. soft. beautiful.
and then his anima body shatters. gone. just gone… and the world crashes back. the parking lot, the blood, the dust, the trash.
reality.
you’re back on your knees, back holding the real enjin, the one weakening in your arms as each second passes. his eyes flutter open weakly, just once, finding you immediately. always you.
his fingers twitch, managing to curl around yours. a final touch, final reassurance. a final goodbye. his lips move, barely. you almost don’t hear it… almost.
“…worth it.”
and then the tension leaves him. the fight. the pain. that stubborn refusal to quit of his. all of it… gone. his hand slips from yours, his breathing stops, and enjin dies in your arms.
no one speaks. no one moves.
not rudo, not riyo, not zanka. not even eishia. not a single cleaner, because there is nothing left to say.
doll festival is over. the music stopped a long time ago, the lights are gone, the decorations hang torn and broken around the parking lot, reminders of a celebration that never got to finish.
somehow that feels crueler than anything. because you got dressed up- all of you did. you were all excited for this day, despite the mission. for a chance to laugh, to dance… and in the end, the only dance you got was one stolen from time itself.
one that lasted only long enough to become a memory.
you pull enjin closer, as if holding him tighter might change something, as if love has ever been stronger than time. as if you haven’t already learned the answer.
around you, the parking lot remains silent, and for the first time since you met him, enjin isn’t moving, isn’t talking… isn’t laughing. he’s just…
gone.
to prepare for chapter 168 tomorrow…… i just wrote something and broke my own heart... the thought came to me as ghost of you by 5sos came onto this random playlist i was listening to as i was washing dishes……….
let’s go
I’m just:
Enjin in gachiakuta ep 3
gachiakuta manga chapter 167.1 spoilers!!
FIRST OF ALL!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! the parallels between alto and enjin, and enjin and rudo get me every fucking time. enjin never had anyone who cared about him :( so he only knows what to do :( because alto showed him to? :( he knows what comforted him as a kid. so he did the same for rudo?! GAH!!! the bandages covering enjin’s slave tattoooos :( this is so beautifully done, thank you urana sensei (つ╥﹏╥)つ
SECONDLY!!!!!
what you’re saying here is. two enjin’s. SO….. my nasty ass thought. COULD HE DO THAT DURING SE-
THIRDLY!!!!
CORVUSSSS!!!!!!!!! hi boss!!! i just know that him and enjin get along really well. two mysterious baddies. with slutty waists. do we think corvus knows that enjin has the watch????? hmm. i would say yes. look at that beastie!!! did they take that down together?! :D hashtag Besties
FOURTHLY!!!!!!
look at that grip on umbreaker. i have imagined him jerking off approximately 38 times since reading this chapter and seeing that. pls forgive me for i have sinned
FURTHERMORE
has this mfer taken a watchman series object and said “nah”????
i really don’t think he’s using the watch with its… intended…. purpose??? “it’s a load of bull, dreamed up by an idiot.” SOOOO what you’re really saying is. HE SHALL SUFFER NO CONSEQUENCES AND HE SHALL NOT DIE AND ENJIN SHALL BE OKAY AND I WILL NOT BE HEARTBROKEN. right????????? riGHT????!!!!!!! i think obviously rudo uses the gloves differently to how alto did, so yes, maaaaybe he is using it as a part of the series. but i just ?? don’t think he is???? he just… doin his own thing? GAH! i do not know. no one knows. i have so many theories in my damn skull and im going insane.
i will never forgive ging freecss
okay, okay. hold on. im having #Thoghts. (gachiakuta manga chapter 166 spoilers!!)
what if okay. listen. it’s not dumb of us to believe that alto and regto are BROTHERS??? right??? knowing that regto had the watchman series book, i do not trust that mfer, especially after seeing that alto actually cares about his son- rudo. (shown by him trying to get him to the Sphere despite him beginning to fall apart). in chapter 166, when enjin meets alto again (and baby rudoooo, oh my goodness) but yeah, when he meets him again, alto says “another connection?”. what if alto is the angel that gave Amo her boots????? i am a little tipsy, and thinking a lot, and also rewatching the anime. but i think alto gave Amo her boots, and that regto is in cahoots with whoever tamsy is working for at the moment.
