StatusByFred

An eternal home for Facebook statuses that have earned a place in heaven. Inspired by Fred, the ultimate Facebooker.

[statusbyfred]

Up early this morning and in Boston by 8am. I see people wearing pink hats. I see men wearing pink hats too. Not exactly sharp that early in the morning . And these riots or marches didn't even cross my mind. I'm just trying to do my thing and conduct business. Finally I asked a guy about the hat. His answer "it's called a PUSSY hat. I'm wearing a PUSSY" (add in his big goofy smile, wink, jeer...) apparently this person was marching too..hmmm...a man in a PUSSY hat going to a women's march. And oh my God! He said PUSSY. I wonder if he was kicked out of the club? I wonder what other naughty words he used today.. Quite frankly I find this whole thing really boring. And I know it's only been ONE whole day but no one has showed up at my house to shackle me. Not yet at least. Still at the front of the bus. Thank God! The Patriots are on tomorrow and I have to paint the store. Awesome traffic on the way home too.

Facebook 1/21/2017 (women’s march)

[statusbyfred]

After 18 years or so of biting my nails, today i decided to stop. Im going to get them cleaned up and fixed up tomorrow, and hopefully soon i will have some healthy nails. This is pretty much a result of my new job at _____ _____ Corporate. Everyone is so clean cut there

Facebook, 3/8/2016

[statusbyfred]

If you don't support Bernie, that's one thing. I still think you're a disgusting example of human beings, but that's your business. If you DO support anyone else, I'm going to troll the fucking shit out of you and pop every one of your stupid ignorant delusion bubbles until you either get that it's #BernieOrNoOne, delete the post, or unfriend me. I'll attempt to legitimately engage you on the reality of whatever propaganda rhetoric koolaid you're blathering on about, but it'll quickly get to trollish shit slinging, since that's where anyone not supporting Bernie inevitably ALWAYS takes it. Figure why not do some tidying up of my "friends" list, and what better way than pissing off a bunch of koolaid drinking crybaby bitches, to get them to do it for me? Lol 👹👹👹😎😎😎 Already gotten rid of 5 bigoted pieces of trash, and got 3 more in my sights. #BecauseFuckThisShit it's #BernieOrNoOne"

Facebook, 2/13/2016

[statusbyfred]

Merry Christmas Eve. Been a very long hard week. This whole year had been filled with much sorrow and loss. I truly can't think of a worse year. I am hoping that the coming year will be better and less sad. There are definite changes coming for me and our family. Our faith had been tested and we, especially me, are making some serious changes. More on that to come in a later statement. Until then, I wish you all love and positive energy.

[statusbyfred]

Well, I think I'm done. After almost 8 hours, Urgent Care and a hospital, we are home and now dealing with a broken washer and several unwashed loads of laundry. Baking not done, gifts not wrapped, ___________'s phone isn't working. Yeah, we are fucked! The curse is alive and well in our family!

-- Facebook, 12/24/14

[statusbyfred]

Ugh I can't wish anyone a Merry Christmas or sum up this past year with thanks. This has been a horrible year. My father died in July. My mother died in November. Both my kids have grown up and moved away. I had to sell my childhood home. In doing so I was faced with pouring through old family photos, letters sympathy cards going back four generations. I had to get rid of everything that won't fit in a truck with me. I would love to say my friends have got me through this because some have been kind. But two of my best, I thought, friends dropped me flat and weren't here at all for me. Going over the sympathy cards from when my grandfather died, or great grandmother, I realized that's a dead art. I received 3 cards for my mother. Just three. She changed so many lives in this town and around the world and her death is marked by just three cards. It breaks my heart. Anyway, I know this is a joyful time of year for most, but not for me. I haven't even got one single Christmas card. I can't wait to get away from this town. Ya ya, I know I will take me with me wherever I go, and I'll no doubt inspire the same degree of affection there as here. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't.

- Facebook, 12/24/14

[statusbyfred]

PSA: The smaller of the two portapots at Singing Beach has a crevice between the receptacle and the back wall of the booth just large enough for a set of car keys to slide down. Furthermore, all adjacent plastic surfaces slope gently toward this crevice. Do NOT close the lid of the pot, then set your keys on top of it while changing into your superhero costume, unless your superpower is telekinesis-related.

- Facebook, 10/11/14

[statusbyfred]

Don't buy new cars when you have kids! Red slushy all over the back floor of my car! Very angry right now! ‪#‎PISSED‬ WTF!!!

[statusbyfred]

__________ with ________ at _____County Probate and Family Court Thanks so much for the 25 year of marriage and two wonderful children, __________. It was worth every minute.

-- Facebook post, accompanied by a selfie of the ex-couple, following the finalization of their divorce in court.

[statusbyfred]

Really wish I didn't have such a hard time putting myself first.

-- Facebook, 7/27/14

[statusbyfred]

It's a great day in Aileenvile. Just got a background check done and it shows NO criminal record. Yup, I've behaved myself for at least 7 years. And they said it couldn't be done. HA!! Thanks pharmaceutical companies!!!

-- Facebook

[statusbyfred]

Shit. Someone showed my mom my Facebook page, and she just lectured me on the phone for 20 minutes about having a potty mouth. Now she's gonna show me the verse in the Bible that says it's a sin to say the F word. The original Greek New Testament contains swear words, but whatever mom, go ahead and show me that verse.

-- Facebook

[statusbyfred]

Why does some adults feel the need to share their infinite wisdom about a game they have no clue about nor do they make millions of dollars a year to play...but pretend they do....pffft

-- Facebook, 6/9/14 @10pm

[statusbyfred]

Daisy Update - She ate her dinner and kept it down, had a normal bm this morning and looks like she feels better!!! She is currently on the back deck in the sunshine. Thank you ______ Veterinary Hospital for all you help getting her better!

-- Facebook, 6/8/14

[statusbyfred]

Okay, I am a hardcore photographer myself. As such I understand the banality of what I do in the eyes of the outside world. So though I might be tempted to expound to my viewers about the walnuts I scorched in a charcoal fire, later to boil and concentrate the acids their husks contain and to use it to develop my 1934 Verichrome Bantam 828 film in a hollowed out fish head, I don’t. Nobody cares, and more importantly, it doesn’t make any difference if your images just suck. Excuses like “My camera is so ancient it defies convention.” translate into “I’m neurotic enough to waste oodles of time seeing if I can make fire with two wet sticks.” If you want to make images to please yourself and be impressionistic, knock yourself out. When someone gives you an assignment with a goal in mind, break out the post 1950 camera and a fresh roll of film and shoot like you know what you’re doing. Don’t print the shots that look as if your shutter went off accidentally and say: “You just don’t understand ART!”

- Facebook 6/1/14 @ 3:45pm

[statusbyfred]

Proof God is in the smallest of things too... Mom, Dede and I were standing in line to get drinks & popcorn- as I was looking at the candy sweets- I saw SKiTTleS! I skittles! So I was like "man- I really really wish they would just have like a fun size bag! I could totally have that!" Guess what happened when we got to the register?! A TON of fun size skittles on the back counter!!! I asked the guy if I could buy one & he just gave it to me! HOORAY! & may I say no matter how small or silly you think your request is... God hears you! & He loves you. ‪#‎godsnotdead‬

[statusbyfred]

Not a feminist and proud. I hate feminism with a passion and all the ideals. Ideals that state we are strong. The ideas that we don’t need a man. The ideas that we should make our own money and need no one. American women are pushing independence and that is telling men they are useless. If men are not needed, then they might as well have vaginas. Why are men pussies now? Because women are making them useless. Guess what, we do need dicks and testosterone. Just as vagina and estrogen are needed. Don’t get these two confused. Why is it a wrong thing to need someone? Why is it so wrong to be weak in some ways and stronger in others? Women should compliment men. That’s the physical design as well as mental. I need a man in my life to be strong when I am not and he needs me to cook and clean. Go fuck yourself feminists!

-- Facebook @9:15pm