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Free Christmas tree. Courtesy of the storms. May have a few gaps, but perfect if you're looking for a Clark Griswold special. All you need is a cat, some jello, and a chainsaw to make your holiday perfect. Available until we haul it to the dump today. 😏
What an emotional day. Time with my Canvas fam in the morning and hiking an Oregon mountain in the evening. I deeply love my people. ❤️ (at Eugene, Oregon)
It's odd. My calculator can't even....I don't know what I did.
It's Love Week y'all! Pumped for serving this beautiful city this week! #treatyocity #loveweek2017 (at Lands End)
Be still my heart ❤️ #mountainsandoceans #lovewhereyoulive (at Lands End)
It's a perfect day on the Bay and @karlthefog is nowhere to be found. Pictures just can't capture this.
Jake didn't want to get up to go out. We aren't pulling on the leash even though it looks like it. He pulled away from us when we put it on...It's so hard being a pug. #puglife (at San Fransisco)
Confession: When I've finished a dessert and feel guilty because this isn't the first time it's happened, Britney Spears runs through my head. #oppsididitagain
Always a better day with my love. #forbetterorworse (at AT&T Park)
Bay Bridge? More like Bae Bridge. #baebridge #promises #unfiltered (at AT&T Park)
This is what we are doing tonight. #takemeouttotheballgame (at AT&T Park)
When Your Fears Aren’t the Friend You’d Hoped they’d be.
It seems like the length of time between writing has gotten longer and longer and I’m sorry for that.
In my last post, I left you with cliffhangers, on housing and solvency and jobs and probably mental health in general...
I wish I could tell you that all those things have been nicely wrapped up, but that’s not really where I’m going with this. I will say that our housing situation is certainly a huge break through so thank you for praying for that. We have a place in the city (San Francisco), below market rate that we don’t have to share and we are able to be here until we find something more permanent. It may not sound like much if you’re reading this from back home, but housing here is insanely competitive and expensive so it is truly a work of God, through his people, that this opportunity came about for us.
Additionally, Tyler is working part time as an instructor for the school he went to, which has helped to stabilize and balance us out while we still wait on a full-time opportunity. It’s like God knew the things we were most concerned about and worked them out in the interim - Go Figure!
God is giving us what we need, in the moment that we need it most; causing us to rely on him in a way we haven’t had to in a long time; though not just in basic needs, but also in dreaming of the future and opportunities and where we can be most useful now.
Regrets are fears that have been given the seat of honor God would have in your heart.
God, we are so good at rationalizing reasons not to step out in faith. I’m one of the chiefs among these. I’ve said and heard a laundry list of things that reflect fear:
I will do that when I’m qualified
I’m not ready
It doesn’t make (financial, emotional, logical, etc) sense right now
God wouldn’t ask us to do something that’s not safe
But what I’m doing now is good/isn’t bad/is a worthy cause/isn’t hurting others
This isn’t what I thought it’d be (so I should stop)
This can’t possibly be what I’m called to because (insert reason here)
What if (x,y,z terrible outcomes happen)
Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that we should run on every idea that filters through our heart and mind unchecked; I’m also not speaking to deep mental health associated anxiety (that’s a conversation of God’s movement in my personal story for a different day). I’m saying that knowing the difference between the voice of God and the voice of fear is paramount.
Is Fear a closer Friend to you than God?
Especially when it’s time to make decisions. I think we jump to saying, “no, of course not.” But, I’ve really been challenged to weigh that against my thinking and my actions to honestly answer the question. And if I’m honest, there have been many times where my answer to fear based questions has been a surrender to fear, not God.
I think on some level, I gave my fears the role of God, expecting my actions to be justified or to be comforted by considering the outcomes entertained by fear. The process has been painful and incredibly eye opening. I’ve found it helpful to ask myself a question to get to the root of why, on so many occasions, I’ve let fear dictate my mood, attitude, thinking, actions.
Ashley, What did you expect to happen when fear became your friend?
If I’m honest, I was hoping I could get an affirmed way out of the path put before us. I was looking for a validation of my emotional state and my worries. What I found was that I would get what I asked for and be miserable in the process and then: wonder why it was all happening.
That led me to wondering why I didn’t approach God when fears came up. Had I thought the outcome would be worse than what I was experiencing with fear? I’ve found that taking fears to God, hasn’t affirmed them, but has made them heard and at times completely dissolved them. I haven’t been affirmed to keep them, but my feelings have certainly been normalized, all the while God opens up a little more understanding, changes my perspectives or asks me to have faith in him for the process.
“How would you treat a friend who lied to you as often as your fears do?”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a life of regret. I want to accomplish my full measure of capabilities that God has given me in order to love people well and live the fully alive life to which I am called.
Freedom and fear cannot coexist in the seat of our hearts to produce a fully alive life in Jesus. I don’t mean that we will never be afraid or that our biological instincts will be turned off. And I certainly don’t mean that people who suffer with anxiety are doing something wrong or somehow less worthy to receive freedom. I mean that as followers of Jesus, Freedom (not fear) has been intentionally and thoughtfully knit into to our identity and DNA by God so our lives should reflect that on some level. We have the opportunity to live in power from that truth the best that we know how, with open ears to God on how he wants us to step into Freedom more fully. I want my life to reflect That.
Happy Bananaversary to this guy! (at St Francis Fountain)
I find that the Ocean never fails to provide perspective. :) (at Fort Funston)
The progression of our sleepless commute home. We totally didn't sleep all day when we got home...😳 (at Denver International Airport)
So happy for my seestor! #finallyfultons
It's a beautiful day on the Bay.