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[stayphone]

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[coughdropsandsoftspots]

gentle reminder about the scam thats going around at the moment.

if someone messages you telling you they got scammed by someone with similar username to you and that they’ve accidentally reported your account, do not engage.

message will look something like this:

again, DO NOT ENGAGE.

a friend has just lost access to their account because of this, and the reason I didn’t fall for it is because I remembered seeing posts recently about it being a scam. so I too am spreading the word in the hope that maybe you will remember this post if you receive a similar dm.

[gardeniashellfire]

I second all of this, be careful peeps, I had @stayphone tell me that it was the newest scam and thankfully I first contacted the actual support team of Tumblr before even contacting the scammers.

Please be careful! The internet is unsafe but hopefully with this awareness we can make it a little safer, do not engage by any means. Spread the work, stay safe.

[gardeniashellfire]

Santa Claus is Coming to Town!! | Poly!SKZ

Wc; 1.5k+

Pairing; OT8!

Genera; fluff, short and sweet, idiots in love.

TW!!; Slight swearing. Kind of suggestive if you squint hard enough. Christmas.

Summary; It the most wonderful time of the year, snow and love soon come clear as the song goes, Santa Claus is coming to town! But even the big red man need a breather and what better way to do so then with his lovers?

A/N; ✨ Part of the All-you-can STAY Network. (@stayphone) event Stray Carol. I originally wanted to post it on the 23rd but well, work, but here it is! Enjoy!

The soft humming between the streets as people made their way to buy their Christmas gifts or last minute DIY shopping that could keep them insane while dealing with their family, kids giggling as the snow started to gently fall over them, a figure stood on a nearby roof smiling as they chased the snowflakes and stuck their tongues out to catch them. The winter season was something that many looked forward to, from the cold to the celebration that came with them, sometimes there was Grinch in the mix or a summer lover that wanted everything to be over, but as always, it was a cycle that could not be disturbed.

Mr. Heat Miser tried and failed and Mrs. Clause scolded him until next century, and everyone was afraid of him.

The town clock started to chime, noon had arrived on the 23rd and Felix smiled, as he quickly made it snow, hearing the children cheer and some grown-ups grumble in annoyance only just made his day better, because for him, it was the best time of the year.

In a world where spirits helped out humanity in more ways than one, Jack Frost causing mischief across the winter season was a classic go to event that happened anytime during winter, even more so that he hasn't seen his lover in more than three mi this because of the toy manufacturing overflow. 

And maybe because he himself has spent the past days sleeping because gods forbid a spirit gets tired and decides to have an afternoon nap.  (Which didn’t just end up being an afternoon nap but a whole cycle of hibernation and what not, but sue him! He hasn’t had a good night's sleep in decades, geez.)

But with all that aside and new hop now rushing across his being, his heart did skips and beat to the tune of Jingle Bells because he got to see them again! Finally, after a while, all of them in one place! He giggled, truly a Christmas miracle. 

He stared into the sky, gray and cloudy, feeling the snowflakes land on his face with a glee that he hadn't been there before, because, unlike common belief, Santa had one day off out of the entire year, and that was today, the 23rd. The night before Christmas Eve.

He heard a soft meow, his smile brightening as he looked down, and there he was, sitting on top of the Yule Cat as Minho or Krumpus, as they called him, his big bright yellow eyes stared up at him as the snow piled on his horns, Soonie yawned again, blinking him down so they can get going and Minho just chuckled as he scratch the top of his head..

“Hello there, Lixie.”

“Minho!” 

The snow seemed to thicken when their lips collided, the wind swirling around each other as Minho cupped Felix’s face with care, trying not to scratch him with his claw, Felix gave him several peeks in between. Minho chuckled to the light pink cheeks that Felix now possessed.

“Come on now, we have to get home.”

Home.

What an odd way to call the North Pole.

But that what it was, it was their home, it was their safe space before the busiest night of the year for Chan, he already stresses enough in one year for this day, so, a day off isn’t that back, Felix giggled as he flew next to Minho, Soonie roaring every so often to clear the snow and announce their soon arrival, the footsteps in the snow where still visible, as every path before that, a drag path set to stay there forever, away from mortal eyes and for the immortal to know.

To always know.

The sound of music and the warmth of the workshop as they walked invaded their bodies as the elf quickly helped them with their stuff, one of them slightly whining when he was handed the bag of bones that Minho was carrying.

“Be careful now there Chip, I don’t want anything spilling, we don’t need another lecture to the new hires about the bag.”

“Yes, Mrs. Clause.” The little elf scurried away, ignoring the confused look of the newer elves that seemed to pass by.

“They are in the living room, sirs.” One elf said, bowing down gently as they retrieved back into the workshops, where the toys and devices were made with all the care and love in the world..

The red door that connected them to the living room was already open, the gentle orange glow of the fireplace engulfed the small room, two couches, a christmas tree in a corner and a circular table that held all the hot chocolate that was needed for today, a cozy nook in that workshop that made everything seem so meaningless and, for a moment in the history of forever, it was just them, and by the sounds of it, they were already scolding Chan.

“No.” A voice carried as Minho closed the door, Chan was sitting on the couch, just a red shirt and black pants, his usual combat boots replaced with snowman slippers.

“But what if–”

“No, this is your only day off and you sure as fuck not doing work today.”

“Seungmin, please don’t curse here and in front of Santa, he might as well put you on the naughty list.” Seungmin turned to face Minho, who’s horns had disappeared and were now two tiny antler horns, eyes now sweet and brown as his nose was slightly red due to the cold, and Soonie? A normal house cat that ran off to find their siblings.

Who would have thought Mrs. Claus was Krampus?

“Well, he is trying to work on his only day off.” Chan sighed as Hyunjin, Tengliu, draped his cape on the couch, where he dropped himself next to Changbin, Skadi. “Workaholic they say.”

“Chan.”

“I’m sorry! It’s Christmas Eve jitters, it's just– I don’t know, I want this night to go perfect.”

“They have been going perfect since forever, Channie, remember.” Jisung kissed his cheek, Chan melted into his touch as Old Man Winter himself pulled him to the warm hug. “Everything will be fine, you’ll have your cookies and milk and the occasional beer like every year, tomorrow, because today, you are all ours.”

Seungmin, better known as Frau Holle, fluffed a pillow as Minho sat next to his husband, Chan, in his ever so wanting need to be taken care of, just relaxed even further into the warmth.

They all bundled together, pulling the other couch closer and the pillows were now on the floor, Changbin pulled a small sleeping fox from a nearby corner, who had consistently  decided to ignore them as his body was presented to Felix, who giggled. 

“Wake him up.” Felix rolled his eyes as he kissed the small fox awake, who yelped as he shifted back into his usual form.

“Hi hyung, I missed you!” A small winter fox spirit was now sprawled across the laps of the Claus', his sweet smile enchanting them as the first day they found him in the reindeer stable.

Like every year since they could remember, they took Santa away just for one night, one night where he wasn’t Santa Claus or St. Nicholas or Ded Moroz, he was just Chan, a sweet and caring buffoon that made it his life mission to give the world a little bit of hope, a little bit of wonder and maybe, most definitely, bring goodness into a place that, to him, meant everything.

But locked away in the corner of that room, none of that mattered, he was just Chan, he was just theirs. CLothes were discarded and the hot chocolate was soon emptied, the woods crackled as everything went numb, outside was a whole different story, right now, between kisses and gentle touches, between the cold none of the could feel or even care, the love they felt was enough to get his mind off the Christmas, off of stress and a list of who has been naughty or nice.

Because in that room, he was just Chan. 

That was all that mattered to them after all. 

“Ja! Still on the naughty list, this must be a record!” Felix cheered as he went down the list one more time.

“Not even because you’re dating Santa that seems to change.” Chnagbin teased as he had his arms wrapped around his waist, tracing small circles on his ribs.

“Never made any promises.” Chan chuckled as he kept reading.

Jeongin was sleeping cuddled up next to Minho, whose head was on Chan’s shoulder, Jisung and Hyunjin were fast asleep next to Changbin, and Seungmin was the end of it all, sheet covered a he ate pretzel sticks, hair messy as read the other end of the list.

When the nightly blizzard soon arrived and the reindeer were all lined up, him, dressed in that iconic red and white suite and a silly little hat that flatten his black and white hair so well that it was charming, Chan took one good look at his lovers, still in pajamas or wrapped around blankets because they were to lazy to put on clothes, smiling at him with love and devotion, as they were kissed one by one on the lips, making him giggle when they sneaked a little nip and the elves pretended not to see.

“Good night, old man, remember you have us to return to still. So stay alive.” Jeongin said, half joining, half threat.

“I will, I promise, I'll come back like I always do. See you tomorrow morning.” 

They waved him goodbye as the sleigh shooted into the sky, his silhouette only seen by the moon, heart full and content, every year they will repeat this night,before Santa comes into town and it all repeats once again, before anyone else gets to see him, they get to have him, ever so often, ever so needed. Before he was the world Santa, he was their Chan.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

[stayphone]

Warm, cozy and fun!

The best Christmas gift to celebrate this jolly season!

With great writing and holiday spirit, we wish you all

🎄 Merry Christmas! ✨️

[gardeniashellfire]

𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞?| 𝘽𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣.

Wc; 12k+

Pairing; OT8 (Bang Chan centric)

Genera; fluff, angst, idiots in love.

TW!!; Hanahaki Disease. Religious Imagery and Symbolism. Hospitalization.

Summery; If any, Chan would never wish this feelings upon anyone, it burned and his stomach could be candidate for the Olympics for the many twist and turns it did.

Petal after petal, smile after smile and day after day all he did was dig up his own grave and swallow in his own misery because he doesn't want to bother his boys... Oh, his boy, how he loved the sound of that.

But then he remembers, they aren't his, and will never be, because gods forbid.

Or; Chan is in love and is dying as a consequence.

A/N; This is originally a three chapter story, but I'm going to publish all in one go here. Love y'all. ✨ Part of the All-you-can STAY Network. (@stayphone)

Hanahaki, an illness known for two things: Flowers and the unbearable feelings of being in love, but more specifically being in love with someone that doesn't love you back, and maybe, just maybe, will never love you back, been trapped in this endless cycle of what if and what nots, been reduced to nothing but a pile of bones and flowers with a broken heart was a bone chilling thought that Chan had at least once a day whenever he looked around.

If love wasn’t complicated enough by itself, emotional turmoil, uncertainty and the ever so glooming presence of insanity, the physical reminder that the person you love with all of your soul doesn't love you back is almost unbearable, news anchors always having at least one segment in the day to report the cases of hanahaki world wide, it wasn’t a new thing, it could never, for love is as ancient as humans themselves, the first register of hanahaki has been lost in time, so symbolic of how love and all it’s ailments have been lingering around since the dawn of time, fun facts about people been that, if they had hanahaki or not, old takes on the ailment in history books or just wondering how long can humanity go with this ever so lingering notion of that someone out there has died of love, undying and unconditional love, books and poems were written about this disease, nations fell because of it and empires rose based on it as well, where ever you turned there it was, always lurking, always so mysterious.

Chan had only seen the sickness, been the confidante of several people in his life when he discovered that they had hanahaki, he had attended funerals of those who had succumbed to the disease and had been he himself been the cause of diverse people acquiring hanahaki, he always felt shitty when he had to decline people's feelings, even since moving to Korea to become a music producer he had barely enough time to fall asleep, who could he fall in love that way?

Yet he always found a strange and unsettling beauty in hanahaki, but it also pained him to see people go due to the disease, he had closed himself off to the prospect of love all together ever since he was a child, a child and afraid to lose more people he care for a sickness that grew when people where the most vulnerable, when they were so in love, it was so deep and sincere that it manifested in gardens blooming inside of them, infecting every inch of their body until it was the death of them. Chan hated to think that someone had to suffer that because of him, that some died because of him and he had nothing but to stand amongst the crowd and just watched, because dying of love seemed like a poet's death.

Even so, Chan was a hopeless romantic that dreamed of one day falling in love, have a family, maybe a dog or two and live a nice quiet life, it was a well thought out dream, but he was now twenty four and the next closest thing he has to a family are his roomates and small friend group he met at university.

It had all started out by meeting Han Jisung because they had an assigned project together and the boy needed mentoring, he was good, they kid knew how to rap and write songs, sooner then later they became friends and the rest started adding from there.

Jisung knew a guy named Seo Changbin, another music major minoring in production, his dark exterior shouldn't fool you, for the guy was a bunny, he also could rap (Chan had been the judge of one to many rap battles in their share dorm room) One day, as they hanged out with writer's block, the shortest of them told them he knew a guy named Lee Felix that could help them with a part for a song they need, they both accepted without knowing the would meet a sunshine of a person with a deep ass voice, Felix was  just like Chan, in the sense he was also australian, leading to him and Chan to develop a connection about their homeland

On a day they agreed to go and get ice cream Felix brought two guys along with him named Lee Minho and Hwang Hyunijin, saying they were all in the same major, dance, and that they were pretty cool people and maybe they all hang out together as a group, Minho was weird but in the good sense and Hyunjin seemed to be the reincarnation of the most beautiful rose in the garden, it didn’t take long for them to be included in their tiny friend group.

Hyunjin took two months to tell them he knew a guy named Yang Jeongin who knew a guy named Kim Seungmin and that they could help out with some lines for another project they needed for their class, Seungmin was in the school theater department almost always cast as the leads and Jeongin was a pretty good trout singer with the vocals that could make the heavenly choir jealous and before Chan knew it, he had his small friend group he adored with all his might and soul.

They made him feel safe and warm and fuzzy, made him smile with such glee it was almost comical how big he smiled whenever he was near them, whenever he felt down they were right there for him, he had countless movie nights and waking up to be surrounded by them sleeping, or just hearing the word “Hyung!” and one of them was there to receive him with a big smile. It was priceless, his boys, they became his world in a short amount of time he wonders how he didn’t notice it earlier.

If you were to tell Chan that those boys would become his entire world, he would have laughed a bit to hard until his lungs gave up, for he was a love recluse, he would have never let anyone that close to him in an attempt of feeling romantic love, because Chan loved a little too fast and a little too hard and maybe a little too much for his own good, he knew he would  give it all or give nothing at all when it came to loving someone, that he would let lose all his bottle up emotions and wants if anyone ever gave him the chance to but he was too scared and too afraid to be the cause of someone's pain and demise, but yet… He let his guard down, he let those boys come closer and closer by the day and all he could do was stand defenseless to their antics; Chan wasn’t sure, but he cared for those boys in a deeper level, he would do anything for them, anything at all and he wouldn’t regret it.

It was one sleepless night in the dormroom, he was sitting on the kitchen table with his earphones in, a lukewarm cup of lemon tea next to him as he typed away to his little heart contant, he was no longer that twenty one year old that was scared of life and love, he was now  twenty six and scared of love, the sound of white noises and his typing on his laptop was enough that it blurred out his muffled coughing. He had tissues all around the table, all of them filled with petals and blood and spit, his eyes were watery and his throat was sore from all the coughing, Chan looked down onto the bloodied piece of tissue, he looked down on it, this time, it was the petals of a daisy, he recognized it very well, Jisung loved daisies after all.

He grunted as he fisted the tissues and threw it as far as possible from him, the tiny ball fella few centimeters away, unfolding ever so slightly to reveal the bloodied and wet petals, taunting him for his stupidity, for his foolishness, for his stupid little heart to go and fall in love with people he knew didn’t love him back, that could never love him the sense that he love them, he fell in love with seven different people that he would move the earth and the skies for, he felt tears forming in his eyes, if only he had noticed, if only he had followed his instinct, maybe he could be cured…

«He had been feeling sick these days, his stomach did all sorts of weird twists and turns that had him making visible faces of discomfort.

“Hyung?” he turned to face Felix, they had gone to eat ice cream that day, he looked so pretty, shoulder length blond hair was neatly tied in a half ponytail, a white plan shirt, a blue checkered shirt on top, ripped black jeans and black Converse, he looked like an angel if you were to ask his bias opinion, and he was indeed very bias. “Are you okay? Your face keeps making weird expressions.”

He unfrowned his nose as Felix said those words, he didn’t want to worry Felix, he took a deep breath as he smiled at his Aussie brother.

“Yeah, I’m fine, my stomach has been acting kind of funky lately, not sure why, maybe it was a bad idea to try out that salsa Minho gave me, maybe now I have an ulcer or something.”

Felix sighs and giggles a bit, taking a bite out of his Oreo ice cream. Chan couldn’t help and notice how his nose scrunched up or how his lips curled up ever so slightly with a faint smile and his stomach was doing weird things again.

“Yeah, but you can’t really say no to Minho hyung, Channie hyung, you aren’t known for that at all.” Chan licked his lips, he was right tho, ever since meeting Lee Minho and his cute little front bunny like teeth, he couldn’t say no to his devil bunny, to any of them matter of factly, he just couldn’t. “We’ll get you some Pepto Bismol on our way home, come on, I have to take care of my hyung with a tummy ache.”»

Looking at his reflection on the now black out laptop, he should have noticed it, but he was just too stubborn, wasn’t he? His nose was runny as he slammed his forehead against the kitchen counter, he could feel the want of escaping, to cough what was left of his lungs and let the be consumed by the flowers growing inside of him, but he needed to get it together, or at least until the morning rises. He had too, he could never let his boy know.

He coughed up a bit more with strength, feeling the burning sensation pile inside of him until he was gasping for air and on his hand it fell onto the hard surface of the chair between his legs, the feathery sensation on his lips finally escaped as he spit out the remaining of what seemed to be a rose, it was white, but between the silvia and the blood that was mixed within the petals, it looked red, Chan smiled, red roses where Hyunjin’s favorite.

No, stop!

He grunted and sat up straight again, if he continued to go down this route of being miserably in love with his seven best friend he was gonna end up dead, but Chan was a masochist, he didn’t care, he knew his life was on the line and that the deeper he fell the harder was it going to be that he could get rid of those flowers growing inside his chest, but he didn’t want to stop loving them, he refused to, been in love with them was the single best worst decision he has ever made in his entire life, he knew the risks and yet he took it, Hannah had said it herself, he was an idiot, but and idiot that was willing to do many things for the ones he loved.

He loved those boys with everything he got, he loved to the point he didn’t care if he was dying, he loved them with the same passion the sun loved the moon and the stars, how angels loved humans and how the night loves the day, he didn’t want to stop it, because if he did… He could never love them ever again, and he didn’t want that, he wanted to keep finding little things to remember about them and keep in mind, he still wanted to feel the glee and tingle in his stomach when Seungmin smiled at him when he does morning coffee or find adorable how Minho pouts at him over the slightest of things, he wanted to be in love.

And he was.

He was in love with a small group of boys that decided to enter his life and stay, keep him company, they have rooted themselves in Chan’s life that now he can’t actually remember how life was before them, and honestly he didn’t want to, as he saw another petal escape his lips, this time a cosmo flower, he knew he could never do that to them, to stop caring about them the way he did, to stop showing them affection as he usually does, they would notice, Chan wanted to believe they would miss it, maybe they will, Jeongin once told him if he ever left they would know, they always knew because, just like Chan, Chan himself was now part of their everyday and they would never dare to change that.

“We are lucky to have you, hyung” Changbin said as he took a sip of his beer. “Anybody would be lucky to have you, you are such a sweet and caring hyung, yeah.. We are lucky to always have you, so don’t you dare leave us, we wouldn’t know what to do.”

Chan had laughed that day and hugged his boys, after some few protests and screams they had surrendered to him, accepting his love and cuddles, as a tear trickled down his nose he let out those three god wonderful (awful) words that made him cough like crazy.

“I love you.”

He loved them, he loved them all in different ways he can list it all.

He loved Minho in the same way you love the stars in the sky, always so mystical and ethereal you could never get enough of it but he also loved Minho for how sweet he really was, a textbook example of what a tsundere was, he loved how he took care of the boys and treated them all very kindly, he loved the way he moved and followed the music whenever he danced and made the whole world shake before his feet, how the world (especially Chan’s) dropped everything just because he was dancing, he loved how he would happily show Chan something cute, either was a plushy he had bought or the most mundane of things like tiny orange tray mittens that looked like puppets, loved his cat eye eyes and his sweet plushed lips, he loved how he hummed and danced when he was cooking or how dedicated he was to taking care of all of them, Chan also loved how Minho would smile at him with such fondness it hurt, how he would grab his hand or smack his butt out of affection, because he also loved how weird Lee Minho was.

He loved Changbin the same way you would love the comfort of the woods, how it was relaxing and quiet that you make out of it eternity, for how unapologetic him he was, he wasn’t afraid to cry when he was sad or say sorry when ever he was mad and scared the 00’ line, how dedicated he was to make them all laugh with the small things he did or say, how he would smile out of nowhere for them and dance to girl groups and slay it, he loved how he hugged him when he was sad and said kind words to him, how he showed his love so openly, even if it was platonic, he loved how he loved his career and how he was dedicated to it, how he rapped and felt proud of every song he had ever written made Chan heart skip a beat, he also loved how Changbin just cuddled with him to sleep and talked slurry with his plushy Gyu between them on anything before falling asleep because that was how Seo Changbin was.

He loved Hyunjin the same way you will a painting, forever impregnated in you mind for how pretty it looked, but he also loved Hyunjin for who he was, yes sure he was pretty, but he was also incredibly kind and sweet, a bit dramatic but that was part of his charm, how he was so passionate for everything he did, how he was so verse in several art forms Chan could do nothing but admire him, the way he smiled and said his name with such care, how he never doubted to grab his hand when he felt down or how he praised him for the smallest of things, he also loved how he could dance to any song if he wanted to, the control on his body was immaculate that Chan found himself in a trance every time Hwang Hyunjin decided to dance.

He loved Jisung the same way you love music, you dance along it and always find a way to always return to it, but he also loved Jisung for how bright he was, the boy had anxiety, Chan remembers the may night he spend with him calming him down, but he also so cheerful and childish in the best of ways, if you were to ever ask them who was the one that received princess treatment in the group that was Jisung, especially from Chan, what Jisung wanted Chan finds a way to give it to him, Chan had no doubt in his mind that if Han Jisung would ask Chan for his life, Chan would, he had the ability to make them all smile even in the oddest of ways, his smile was everything to Chan, he also loved how he wrote songs and never rest until it was perfect, how his songs moved something inside Chan, he wasn’t sure if it was the flowers or his stomach telling him he was about to throw up.

He loved Felix the same way you love the sunrise, the wonderful beauty that it represent in any of it forms, but he also loved Felix for how warm and genuine he was, he was the most sensible of them all, he was like a kid in the body of a twenty three year old, his freckles where part of his charm as well as his sparkling eyes, Jeongin once said as a joke that it looked like this was Felix’s first life and Chan couldn’t imagine that it wasn’t, he also loved how Felix would make the cookies or brownies just because or hug them out of nowhere, Felix was also an Aussie, like Chan, so having him there felt like home, he reminded Chan of the beaches of the coast and his childhood, he even bought Vegemite once and they both ate toast with it, Felix had a more aggressive way of dancing, thanks to his years in taekwondo, the world shaked under his feet and bowed down to their angel, Chan also loved the tiny noises Felix made when he was happy, all tiny squeaks and peeps, how he was bad at gaming but was determined to get good at it, how he would fix his own computer or stick out his tongue when it was colored by either shaved ice or a lollypop, because Lee Felix was Chan’s home, and he never wanted to be away from his own home.

He loved Seungmin the same way you loved a valley filled with flowers, you never know what you will find buy you just know it’s gonna be beautiful, but he also loved Seungmin for how normal he was in comparison to the others, and normal came with big air quotes, because the dude was unhinged sometimes, Chan laughed at the many things he said, he was weird in the sense of been normal and failing miserably, Seungmi also made sure that people got shit done, he was very good of convincing, in another life Chan could swear he was a lawyer, and when ever he failed to get the 3racha out their own makeshift studio, Chan always woke up to a pillow and a blanket around him, and by the smell of the detergent, he knew it was Seungmin, due to been a major in theater and music, Seungmin sang a lot, Chan always found it relaxing hearing him sing from the shower or the kitchen it help him relax it was embarrassing how many times he fell asleep to Kim Seungmin singing.

He loved Jeongin the same way you would love a lighting storm, the bright light striking across the dark sky and making it all so beautiful and unique, but he also loved Jeongin for how snarky he was, how even he was the youngest he always acted older than them, even sometimes then Chan, and he loved that, Jeongin himself was a middle child so he was mean in the fun way and tease, how he he would smile so brightly and play bite them, how he would whine and move around when ever they showed him affection but surrender quickly, how he would do little things like make them breakfast or cleaned the common areas without asking, he also loved how Jeongin was gentle, how he kissed him softly on the temples or them let sniff his hair after a shower (his shampoo was really good), how he would make faces when he was stared at or how he would say the most outlandish things in English and smile like a innocent angel, Chan saw a lot of himself in Yang Jeongin, and maybe that why he felt so protective fo him whenever they where out or filled with a room of strangers, he would give his heart to their maknae.

Chan was now laying on the floor of his room, after cleaning to the best of his abilities the kitchen counter of any evidence of his shame, he collapsed on the floor in a fetal position, spitting out flower after flower, petal after petal, between his tears he could see each and every single one of them, covered in blood and spit of his own, cosmos for Minho, snapdragons for Changbin, white roses for Hyunjin (in his blood they looked red, his favorite kind.), daisies for Jisung and sunflowers for Felix, asters for Seungmin and finally irises for Jeongin

He wanted to laugh but he couldn’t, his mouth was filled with flowers escaping his lungs, even with this, even with all this pain and suffering, Chan would rather have this, then to forget what it was like to be loved and love those seven boy that meant the absolute world to him, even if from his tomb they rose and grew from his decaying body, it was worth it, so people would know that he loves them even after death, they was their no matter the state he was found, Chan preferred a lot a things, but he would never chose anybody else above his boys, those boys saved him, and how he was dying because of him and he was okay with that, because been loved by them was like gentle angels kiss, a hug of warmth and the most beautiful sensation he could ever imagine, he loves his boys and his bots love him. But he didn’t love them enough to make him stop hurting, he would die the moment one of them starts dating, he rather not think of that.

He took a great gasp of air as he let out what remind of that moments flower outburst, it was a crime scene sure, but a wonderful one at least, in Chan’s eyes, dying of love didn’t seem so scary, not since he fell in love with them and he knew they were worth dying for.

He just hoped they could forgive him.

»

Sometimes, they wonder if Chan really underestimated their intelligence or he had made an error in his ever wanting need to hide this from them, and they don’t know which one was more hurtful.

Meeting Bang Chan was an experience, a very pleasant one to be honest, a wonderful experience that you will never regret, he received you with a warm smile and open arms that felt safe, he felt familiar even when he was a complete stranger, always had a shoulder to cry on and has the most beautiful words to say to you when you most needed it, maybe that’s why it felt so easy to love their hyung.

Minho knew that Chan was also an idiot in the best sense of the word, always putting other needs before his and overworking himself to the point of exhaustion, he was also stubborn, maybe that was why Minho took pride in taking care of his only hyung, but sometimes, when Chan was extra stubborn, Minho didn’t know what to do.

It had all started a year ago, when Chan had started to get sick far to often, it had started out simple, he always had a stomach ache or he was coughing a lot, then it started progressing to the point where they had all had 112 on speed dial, he looked pale and his under eyes gotten even darker, his lips were always dry and most food made him nauseous and making him gag, even sometime he would lock himself in the bathroom for long periods of time and come out looking like hell when it was particularly bad day, they tried to help, never been able to ignore their hyung, especially when he looked like he was dying! But nothing seemed to help, Chan always calmed them down, tho.

“I’m okay, I will survive,” he had told a sobbing Jisung when he was so weak he couldn’t even move. “Nothing that you hyung can’t handle.”

“But we worry, Channie!” Changbin had sobbed, wiping his nose so it wouldn't be runny anymore. “We care about you, so please, tell us, what’s wrong? What did the doctor say?”

In retrospective, they should have known, like, come on, they live in a world where you get killed by flowers blooming inside of you, flowers of unrequited love, there are hand books and guides to notice the symptoms, so why where they all so blind that their Channie hyung had hanahaki?

Because they always believed Chan’s words when it came to love.

“Just an infection, nothing some medicine and rest won’t fix Binnie, hyung will be fine, okay?” 

Foolish them.

Foolish and selfish of them to actually believe that their hyung would only care about them and love them.

It was after that Chan fell asleep in his room after a hard night at their tiny studio when Jisung came across a dried up rose petal, it was white but blood stained making it look red, it didn’t look that old so it was obvious it had only been in that studio for just a couple of hours. They were all in the living room area of the 3racha dorm room because they usually spend their Sundays there, so Jisung came out looking horrified, with the petal between his fingers like it was some sort of radioactive material.

“Sung?” Felix asked, eyes focused on the rose petal. “Sungie please don’t tell us…”

“It’s not mine,” he stated, looking crushed. “I- I entered the studio to look for my notebook and for Binnie hyung’s jacket, when I looked under the desk, I- I found this and…” he sniffed, looking at all of them with tear filled eyes. “And Channie hyung was the last one to be in the studio…”

Changbin looked absolutely mortified as he looked down the hallway where Chan's room was, he had heard his hyung cough a lot last night and he couldn’t help but worry, so he knocked on and open the door to check if he was okay, the only thing he ended up finding Chan slump over the desk with his laptop still on, with a big black puffer jacket and some tissue in hand, he had a death grip on it and he had sheepishly had smile at him with wolfish grin and wonderful dimples.

“Hyung? Are you okay? Want me to go get a doctor?”

“No need, Binnie, I’m fine, just got something in my throat, go to sleep, I’ll be there soon.”

Changbin had hesitated, but he didn’t find a reason why to not believe his hyung, his hyung will have never lied to him.

Fool.

“Chan has hanahaki…” Changbin was the one who ended up saying those dreaded words, the truth of what their hyung was suffering and no amount of medicine could ever cure unless he was loved back in the same way he loved. “Our hyung is dying…”

“It- It can’t be that advanced!” Jeongin pleaded, eyes glossy as he took the petal from Jisung. “It can still be only stage one!”

“Innie come on, Chan has been like this for a year” Seungmin lamented, he should have noticed, all those doctors visit, all those homemade remedies and teas, he should have noticed that his hyung was dying. “At most, he is in the late stages of stage two, excessive flower petals and blood, coughing and morning sickness…” Seungmin mumbled as he took a seat. “The only thing he can do is get the surgery, but how is he still alive? Stage two is almost hospital worthy at best, so how?”

“Maybe he didn’t realize he was in love,” Hyunjin whispered as he took the petal from Jeongin, resting it in the palm of his hand and watching it with sad doe eyes. “He always said he can barely fall asleep. So how was he supposed to fall in love? Maybe he didn’t realize he was in love, maybe he denied he was in love and the flowers were suppressed long enough to not kill him while he got to terms with his own feelings, it doesn't matter anymore and it won’t matter ever, our hyung isn’t loved back in the same way and now he is dying.”

They all fell silent, the looks on their faces were clear, they didn’t like this, they hated it in fact, who was Chan so close to that he has had hanahaki for almost a year? Who did their hyung love? Who was the lucky person that their hyung had given his heart too but was too stupid to even notice that his hyung was head over heels for them? Who? Who had their hyung love? Who was taking their hyung away from them?

Who was the one he wrote love songs about? Who was the one that their hyung was willing to die for? Who was the one that their Channie spent endless nights fantasizing about and made him restless? Who was the one that their hyung would look at with those big puppy eyes and soft smile and say the words ‘I love you’ between every sentence in a soft and almost silent cry and not be reciprocated? 

How dare they not love their hyung in the way he deserved?

Hyunjin crushed the rose petal in his hand as he looked at the rest of them, glass like eyes and bitten lips, they all had this anger in their eyes as Hyunjin stood up and threw away the petal, not wanting to even look at the trash can in case Chan had threw away tissues filled with flowers, but the smell of dried flowers invaded him as he closed the ca and returned to the living room.

“They are an idiot for not loving our hyung.”

They all hummed in agreement. Idiot, absolute and undeniable, idiot.

The days after their discovery were more paranoid than usual, as expected for people that had someone in their life with hanahaki, they didn’t want to pressure their hyung into telling them that he had it, so they kept taking care of him as they usually did, maybe a little more than they would normally do, also noticing more things about their hyung they never took full notice of. Because of course, that is what you do when you know that your hyung is dying of love (literally).

They were things they already knew, but it was always nice to relearn something about their hyung and admire them all the same, maybe a little bit more. Like the little noise he makes when he laughs a bit to hard and how he hides his smile when he does, or the way his eyes light up whenever he sees anything Pokemon related (especially Charizard), how he would pout a bit when concentrated or he taps his fingers against any hardened surface when a beat comes into mind. They also notice how soft he looks at them, always giving them his full attention whenever they show him something, and it does things to them that are almost funny when it comes to the whole situation.

It had all started out so simple, they just wanted to know who Chan loved, but every person they suspected of was almost disqualified instantly, nobody was good enough for their hyung (in their eyes at least), they just weren't and their hyung deserved the best. All of his friends from school where… Nice, nothing to outstanding, but nice, somewhere charming and others where charismatic, but something inside of them twisted and turned when the saw their hyung with anybody else, how he would laugh and hug them, how he would care for the, because that was another thing that their hyung did best, care, genuinely care for people that he loved and cherished, and they where very few of those in this world, Chan never got to close to people after all, he was a love recluse.

“Maybe we don't know them?” Felix had suggested one day and that idea didn't sit well with them one bit.

“We know everybody in Channie’s life, and he always talks about us to people, how can we not know the one he loves?” Jeongin asked with annoyance, he had his eyebrows frowned and looked rather offended by the question.

“I don’t know, Innie, he seems to be getting closer to Sana noona.” Minho grumbled as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“Yeah, but Cha knows Sana noona doesn't like guys, and he is a smart one, he wouldn’t stoop so low.” Hyunjin contradicted, and it was true, Sana was Chan's longest friend when it came to knowing people in general, so Chan knew Sana was a proud lesbian.

“Then who the fuck is it?!” Jisung whined as he plopped himself on Changbin;s bed. “Who? Channie wouldn’t hide people from us… Right?” 

They all fell silent, had Chan hidden this person from them? Did they genuinely not know who they were, because Chan had deemed them not important enough to know? He wouldn’t do that, their hyung wouldn't do that to them.

A soft knock on the door made them all turn, the door opened slightly for a head to pop out, a mat of curly brown hair and sweet eyes made their hearts beat as they saw the boy they cared so much about. He had his goofy smile, like a mischievous little kid that has a surprise.

“There you are!” Chan chirped. “Didn’t know you were all coming, thought you were coming later for the movie, but good thing I brought enough food for all of us either way.” He flashed them with his dorky dimple smile as he giggled softly. “Come one, I know for a fact that you haven’t eaten well, and no Minho that sandwich doesn't count as a meal. So, move it, I bought fried chicken.”

They couldn’t say no to him, so they followed like little ducklings, all of them hurrying so they could be closer to their hyung, as they sat down in the living room, they noticed how Chan was wrapped in a thermal blanket, sure, it was chilly because it was god damn fall, but no enough to make a termo blanket on, it was one Jeongin had bought because of how cold the dingy student dorms could get, seemed like Chan still kept it after graduating and getting a not so dingy apartment where he lived with the rest of the member of 3racha.

“Didn’t know you still had it.” Chan turned his head, he was bundled up and looked down at the blanket.

“Oh, yeah! Of course I still have it, Innie, why wouldn’t I? Helps with the cold.”

“Are you cold often, hyung?” Felix adventure, looking up at Chan.

Chan was silent for a while, his eye bags were bigger, maybe it was because of the lack of sleep due to the coughing and waking up early due to morning sickness, he was thinner also, not being able to eat well, also being cold meant he had unusual body temperature.

The silence was loud, the only sound they could faintly hear was the mumble of the TV with the movie that was way past the point where they could pay any attention to it, all they could care about was their hyung, Chan smiled after a while, big and bright it made their fears go away without hesitation.

“Not when I am with you guys.” he giggled. “I love you all after all. Your love keeps me warm.”

Oh how they wished their hyung one to truly love.

The first to fall was Seungmin, to the shock of all, but it was also the reason they came to understand their very own feelings. He had called them to his apartment after calling an emergency meeting, he was sat on the couch and looked off, he had tear stained cheeks and seemed he was about to cry again.

“Seungmin? What’s wrong?”

Seungmin extended his hands towards them, not even looking at them. Hyunjin saw in horror the fragile blueish purple petals, they were clumped together and had spit on them. They seemed fresh, new, like recently picked from the flower itself, Jisung placed himself on his knees next to Seungmin, grabbing his hand, bringing it down and placing it on his lap, petals still in full view.

“Seungmin…”

“I love him,” he sobbed, tears filling his eyes as he laughed humorlessly. “I love him, I love Channie hyung, I love him but he will never love me back because he loves someone that doesn't love him!” He coughed again, spitting out more flowers. Changbin was quick and brought him a glass of water, Seungmin accepted it, smiling sadly. “And all of you do too..”

“W-what?” Felix panicked. “No, Seungmin, we don’t… We aren’t in love with Chan”

That felt so wrong, even Felix knew it, those words didn’t sit right with them one bit and they didn’t know why, maybe they did but they were too stupid to even realize it. Good thing Seungmin seemed to have the emotional energy to explain it to them.

“You are, of course we are, think about it, really think about it,” He bit his lip and took a deep breath. “The weird feeling we had when we found out that Channie had hanahaki, it was vile, it felt that my skin was gonna peel and my soul was creeping out my body, it felt so… Angry, because, well, it’s Channie hyung, he is the most caring, sweetest and hard working person I know, he creeped into my life like all of you did and stayed, he stayed and cared and I grew accustomed to that, we all did.”

“He has never left us alone,” Jeongin realized, feeling his chest tightened and his stomach doing weird flips. “He was always there, he cares, he really does, he does in a way it is almost hard to ignore, our Channie hyung is so sweet and caring… He… He…”

“He loves us,” Minho declared, feeling the ever pending dooming feeling on his throat. “But he doesn't love us like we love him…”

They all buckled, coughing hard and gagging as the petals fell to the floor, they didn’t even care to hide it from each other, after all they were all in love with the same person, a person that meant the absolute world to them, someone that has dropped everything he had done for them in a heartbeat if asked to, because their Channie hyung was probably the best person to fall in love with.

But not right now.

Not when he was coughing out roses.

Not when he was already in love with someone else and that person was an absolute idiot that didn’t love him back and their hyung knew.

They could treat him so much better, they could give them the world, they would do anything for him, but would that all matter if he was already in love? Everything they would do for him would come second if he still loved someone else. All their hard work, all of their energy would be in vain, because Chan doesn't love them back.

Well, he does, but not how they love him.

Soon coughs were replaced by sobs and hiccups and hugs, the dooming sensation of realization that hit them as small petals still escaped their lips, and the worst part was they wouldn’t be made, how could they ever be mad at their Channie hyung? It was an impossible task when the only people to blame were themselves.

They knew Chan had hanahaki, and it wasn't just a slight crush or an infatuation that with time goes away, he was head over heels in love, he wrote love songs for crying out loud what else did they need? Why couldn’t they realize that the boiling feeling inside of them wasn’t fear of that person taking their hyung away from them, but it was jealousy, they had their hyung’s heart, they had their name engraved in it and there was no way to erase it unless Chan himself does, they had absolutely no power over themselves, they were just coughing and crying and cursing as their chest tighten and tears ran down their faces.

It hurted to think about their hyung, it hurted but it also felt so nice, being in stage one and had just acquired hanahaki, they were all still eligible for medicine, suppressing wasn’t the best, but they didn't want to worry their hyung, what were they supposed to say?

“Hey hyung, yeah, we are madly in love with you but you love someone else, ah! And we also know that you have hanahaki, isn’t that fun?”

The dark wooden floor was now covered in spit, tears and flower petals, they were scattered everywhere, they were very hard to miss, Hyunjin was on his knees, forehead against Minho’s leg, who was sat down, and he looked up at his hyung, like a sinner asking a god for forgiveness.

He will never be sorry for loving Chan.

None of them would feel sorry for what they were feeling. They only felt sorry for the idiot that is wasting their time with someone else (or not and they are single) while they had their Channie hyung right there, dying and willing to give them everything, anything at all! Whatever they ask it was theirs if asked to Chan, because Chan loved a little too hard and a little too much, but they loved that of him, he was never shy of his emotions, but he was shy enough to not tell them he was dying, but they couldn't be might, if he did tell them, well, they might have exploded out flowers right there and then.

“Is this a sick joke? Is this our punishment? For being idiots? For being fools? Is this a punishment of a selfish man who just wants to laugh at us and our misery? We can love him better, we can give him everything, we can and I know we will, but is it all worth it?” he coughed out a petal and shed a tear. “Chan is worth it, he is worth dying of love for, even if he doesn't consider us worthy of his.'' He took one of the more complete flowers, laughing when he saw what they were spitting out.

Forget-me-nots, a symbol of true love and remembrance, a symbol or never forgetting (hence their names), having Chan associated with this flower was so ironic for them, because how can you forget someone like Bang Chan? How can you have the nerve of forgetting someone like him and how his love feels like? How can you forget how to love someone so kind and sweet like their hyung? Their Channie?

No…

He wasn’t theirs. Not anymore.

For years they bragged that they were the only ones that had Chan’s heart and love, that he only said ‘I love you’ to them and only had eyes for them, when did that change? When? So they can fix it, they want to fix it, but they can’t, time travel isn’t a thing and thanks to that Chan loves someone else, someone that isn’t them, he is dying when they were willing to give him the world, all he had to do was ask and they will fall to their knees and grant him his every wish, they will not ask or question, they would it to him on a silver platter and just be happy to have him near.

Because being in love with Chan felt like coming home on a winter day, being embraced by familiarity and love, a big hug on a gloomy day and a rainbow after a storm, Chan was the light of their eye and they wanted it so bad to stay like that. Because Chan… Chan was worth it all.

They were such idiots to ever think that he felt the same.

»

Life has been hard, it was obvious, people die due to love and it was horrible, you saw so many flowers and news anchors you kind of become desensitized, but that doesn't mean it didn’t hurt.

Like right now.

His boys have been acting strange lately, but not their usual strange that he loves, but strange strange. Like worrying strange.

They always seem to be put off by many things he did, making strange faces and having these weird looks on their faces, Chan noticed, because of course he does, but he doesn't dig deeper, his boys will tell him if something is wrong, right? They always do.

But they also seem to be more careful with Chan, be more attentive and sweet, always having this sort of enchanted look in their eyes as they talked to him, he didn’t mind, he felt so giddy when they did, a little extra sugar in his life, they seemed to care a bit more, just enough to give Chan hope.

Stupid hope, you make his flowers linger a bit longer.

But Chan didn’t mind the chest tightening feeling when reality hit him with force at night, his boys seemed to be still unaware of his condition, he was thankful, he wouldn’t know what to do if they never noticed.

He was in the 3racha studio when he noticed Changbin had coughed hard, clenching his hand over his mouth so it wouldn't be so loudly heard and interrupt the flow of their work, but Chan didn’t care if they were pulled out of the zone and gave him a bottle of water, smiling at Changbin as he always did, and Changbin responded, but there it was again, the weird look on his face.

«“Here, I don’t want you choking.” Changbin took the bottle of water, clenching his fist that had been over his mouth.

“Thank you hyung.” He smiled so sweetly Chan could ignore for a while longer their strange behavior.»

Chan could have sworn he saw flower petals in the trash can that evening after recording, but when he went to check a bit later, there wasn’t anything there, maybe he saw something wrong and there were his own aster flowers. He sighed, he was going crazy now.

That same evening he creeped inside Hyunjin’s art studio when he went to visit the Danceracha Art’s Facility, those three had started a company that promoted the arts after graduating college and getting their degrees, saying that the youth needed something more than academics and insane hours of studying to make their lives a little bit more complete (Chan had coughed enough flowers after that night that he had watery eyes for days, he brushed it off as dust.), Hyunjin had his own studio just over it, that also worked as his department, it was cold thanks to the certain paints he kept there, even in the harsh winter of Seoul he never turned it up, saying he would cry if his expensive paint all went to waist; he was sat there, on a wooden stool with a big canvas in front of him, the light hit him in such way that made his jet black hair glow been in a delicate bun so it wouldn’t get in the way, he had a loosen white shirt that was already covered in pain and some old sweats, Chan noticed it was his very own sweatpants that he “lost” two months ago, now he knew where they went.

“Jinnie!” Hyunjin looked up, doe eyes as Chan closed the door, his pretty face had some blue paint and he looked… Tired.

“Channie hyung” he greeted, smiling so sweetly Chan might have forgotten how to breathe. “What can I have the pleasure of your visit to my studio,"

“Weeell, I wanted to see something pretty, and I thought of you.” All his boy were pretty, extremely pretty, but Hyunjin’s art was something that moved him in several different ways, he made wonders with just a few supplies and some imagination, Hyunjin was art incarnated and Chan had way to many songs written about him it was embarrassing how many he could pinpoint been about Hwang Hyunjin.

Hyunjin on the other hand, felt like fainting, sure, his Channie hyung had told him on numerous occasion he was pretty, some teasingly, other wholeheartedly, he once compared him to a rose blooming in the snow, but he didn’t take it so serious due to the reason that his Channie hyung was like that, but now? Now that he has come to terms with his feelings? Oh, how it hurt the thought that his hyung told those words to the one he loved, that they also received sweet words of encouragement and glances filled to the brim with love and admiration that it felt sticky like honey but just as sweet, it stung even more so when they loved white roses. Hyunjin loves roses, he preferred red ones, but roses are his all time favorite.

He suppressed a cough and smiled at his hyung, trying his best to hide his blush as he grabbed the paint brush again.

“Stop flirting with me, hyung”

“I’m not flirting with you… Or am I?” Hyunjin laughed as he gently pushed away his hyung’s face.

“You're so silly, hyung.” Chan giggled and Hyunjin could also ignore the quicking feelings of flowers trying to burst out of his lungs.

He glanced at the canvas, it was a the upper body of a man, he was hugging himself as his hands rested on his neck, like he was trying to choke himself, he had black hair and he was pale, his ribs where sticking out as well as little leaves blossomed from them, he was spitting out some blue flower, they also covered his eyes and he had a halo, the golden paint waiting to be added.

Chan's eyes traveled all across the painting, wondering, until he saw one of the flowers sitting prettily on the Hyunjin's head, it was well hidden and it blended well with his own black hair, Chan felt sick.

“Forget-me-nots?” He asked, voice threatening to fail.

“Hmm” Hyunjin hummed, he had this sad look on his eyes. “I find them rather charming, sad and wonderful. Associating people with Forget-me-nots has always been a topic for me, you know, with my grandpa being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but now… Well, someone comes to mind when I see them, they are quite a remarkable individual, always so sweet and kind, talented up to the point of his fingers,” Chan could hear his heart in his ear, the acid sensation of puke and flowers threatening to escape him, also the cold feeling of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. “He's the best…”

“Well, by the sounds of it, you seem really in love with them.” Chan should learn to watch his words.

“Maybe.”

Chan spent too much time in the bathroom when he arrived at his dorm that his roommates were now worried for him, his stomach failed him halfway there after quickly stumbling out of the art studio and leaving a worried Hyunjin, so somewhere in the street there is a puddle of puke and roses just decorating it in a oddly disgusting and sweet way, but mostly disgusting because there was blood and vomit. His tears fell down his face as he could feel the flowers moving inside of his lungs and piercing them in the process. Hyunjin, his Hyunjin is in love. He was probably in love and maybe has hanahaki. Oh how could he be so stupid? How can they be so stupid?

What wouldn't Chan give to be loved by Hyunjin? To have his heart and his attention? To bask in it and feel like the champion of the world because Hyunjin loved him? And out there is a complete imbecile that doesn't love him back.

He sobbed a bit as he pulled out the root of the roses, his throat was sore and he was pretty sure he was in enteraring stage 3 of hanahaki, but he didn't care. He could no longer care, he hasn’t care since he first contracted hanahaki, why should he care now? It didn't matter.

He was a sinner, a hopeless recluse of love that is about to die because he was stupid enough to think that he could be loved the same way as he loved, to ever think that they might love him back, to harvest hope and have hopeful wishing, because now, he could notice it all, he tried to turn a blind eye for his own sake, but now? Oh he couldn’t ignore it now, all the coughing, the clenching of the fist and the blueish purple scattered around the places where they have been, how could he be so stupid to not notice? To not want to notice? His boys have hanahaki, they were in love, head over heels in love, not a simple crush or finding someone random on the street cute like they have done for a good couple of years, his boys are dying and all he could do is watch, he felt so powerless, so stupid, of course they would fall in love with someone else, why fall in love with him? He whipped his mouth after flushing the toilet, trying to ignore the fact that they might get a complaint for clogging it if the rose ends up stuck in the drain.

The soft knock on the door made him turn around, finding Felix, he had a sweet smile and his pajamas, ah, right, it was sleepover day (at this point everyday was sleepover day.)

“Hey hyung, we are all sleeping in your room today, Jisung and Innie just made the equivalent of an adult size pillow fort that we can all fit in.”

He giggled, this was the moment he would cherish forever.

“Don't worry, Lixie, are we still watching the Frozen duology?”

“Anything for you hyung!” Chan smiled as Felix pulled him out of the bathroom and entered his own room.

He could smell it. Forget-me-nots.

It was sweet and sickening but none of them seemed to mind, they were all wrapped up in diverse blankets and hugging pillows, Changbin was been a human pillow for Seungmin, who simultaneously was been used as a pillow by Jeongin, who was wrapped in a fox blanket Felix had given to him for his 20th birthday. Jisung had a body pillow and was sitting next to Hyunjin, who had his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping, but soon awoke when he heard the door close, Minho was in the middle, logging on Disney+, he smiled at them as Hyunjin looked at Chan with big eyes and made grabby hands towards him, he melted as Hyunjin wrapped himself around his waist and held onto him for dear life, Chan smiled and patted his head.

“Sorry for running out like that, I didn’t feel so good, didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s alright hyung, sorry I made you uncomfortable with my feelings.” Chan shook his head as he softly ran his fingers across Hyunjin’s hair, the smell of roses and lemon invaded him.

“No, don’t be silly Hyune, you could never make me uncomfortable, you know my stomach has been acting weird lately.”

“Yeah… We know, hyung.” Minho said as he looked for Frozen on the TV, he had his look and wet eyes.

“Are you sure you are okay, hyung? You spent too much time in the bathroom.” Chan looked over at Changbin, ah, his little dwaekki always worrying for his hyung, another thing Chan loved about Changbin, he smiled, feeling the petals still stuck in his mouth.

“Yes, Binnie, hyung is fine, just slightly unwell.” Changbin nodded as Seungmin turned his head to look at Chan, he was sleepy and had his eyes half closed but he smiled. Chan felt like dying when he sawa blue petal stuck on his lips, but he smiled as well, trying to ignore the sensation building up on him.

Chan wasn’t a selfish person, really wasn’t, he never considered himself that, but now, with all of this happening, he felt so selfish, he wanted their love, he wanted those longing sighs and love filled words, he wanted their gentle touch that meant something more than friendship or admiration, he wanted to be their boyfriend, go on dates and do stuff lovers do, as he watched Anna and Han sing about love and do a choreo he might have learned, he felt like dying again, his head was going numb and he couldn’t breath.

“I-” everyone looked at him, he could feel the flowers moving around his body, how the roots started to wrap around his ribs and thorns poking in his lungs. “I need to go.”

“Hyung… HYUNG!”

He ran as best as he could out of there, his legs were failing and they were going numb, he slammed against the wall and made it a room, he wasn’t sure what room but a room, he closed the door as he heard screams and cries, he started coughing, forget vomit and forget and forget stomach liquid, he fell to his knees as he coughed out blood and flowers, full heads of petals just ejected from his system as he fell to his side and cried, cried from pain, cried from heartbreak, cried because he was a fool in love, all those times. He should have known, he should have noticed.

«“It’s alright hyung, just got a cold.” Jeongin lied.

“It’s okay hyung, just strained my throat a bit too hard.” Jisung had lied.

“Don’t worry hyung! Change of weather.” Seungmin lied.

“We are okay hyung, just don’t get too close, we don't want you to get even more sick.” Curse him for believing Minho.

“Hyung! You scare me… Oh this? Uh, it came in with the wind, I am sweeping it up.” How could he be so stupid to believe that? Because it was Changbin, that’s hyung.

“I find the pretty,” Hyunjin told him when he asked about his painting and why forget-me-nots, sure… Pretty.

“I’ll take the trash out hyung, don’t worry.” There were flower petals in that trash that Felix took out.»

His boys where in love, but they weren’t love back, and Chan, Chan would give them the world, anything they wanted, anything at all, all they had to do was ask and Chan had it for them, he would fall on his knees and worship them if that what they wanted, he would give them everything, but they don’t want his love, and he is fine, but don’t ask him to not be hurt because of it, he was willing to die and be reborn and have to live in a world like his all over again if that meant that he can be with them again.

Chan loved a little too much and a little too fast, he felt his mouth open wide as his tongue lay flat and the aroma of flowers started to invade him, as he hiccuped and gagged to the feelings of flowers growing out of his mouth, he knew he was doomed.

He closed his eyes as the door busted open.

“HYUNG” was all he heard before everything went black.

... 

Jeongin had his eyes locked on that bloody vase of flowers as the doctors told Minho that once Chan wakes up, he would be given the option on the surgery, they all had buckets next to them, spitting out petals constantly as they did nothing but look at the vase where the flowers that the paramedics cut out of Chan, they were still fresh as they sat there, blood splattered around them, a cute and macabeway of been, of mocking them, Jeongin felt his own flowers twist and turn inside of him, laughing at him, he saw them all, cosmo, snapdragon, roses (red ones, bright and deep crimson, like the white ones had now been dipped and permanently stained by his hyung’s blood, that made him spit in the bucket.), daisies and sunflower, aster and irises. Jeongin hadn’t been able to look away from them since the paramedic handed him the bloodied bouquet when they were attending his hyung, he didn’t let them go when he was in the waiting room or when he entered the room when his hyung was asleep.

“Can I have a vase?” He had asked a nurse, big doe eyes and a pretty cupid’s lip, she smiled sweetly.

“For the flowers my dear? Are you sure?”

“Yes ma’am.”

The nurse nodded. She came back a while after with a vase with water and some buckets, Seungmin had looked at her as she handed him his own bucket.

“You might need it if you don’t plan on leaving this room, dears.” She said, walking out to give them privacy.

She was right, they spat in their buckets multiple times, having the constant feeling of nausea and stomach ache as they waited for their hyung to wake up.

Stage 3 of Hanahaki Disease, Fase I: The infected shall need to be transferred to a hospital, so the flowers won't affect his respiration by growing out of their mouth, roots shall start to cement in the lungs and vines grow in the rib cavities. Permission for surgery needs to be required by the host if still conscious, if not, funeral services need to be contacted, say goodbye to your loved one for it.

That was what the WHO said when it came to stage 3, Chan had entered stage three that night and was now expecting surgery or death once he woke up, he looked pale and lifeless, Felix had cried his eyes out as Chan was taken in the ambulance and on their drive to the hospital.

They were all gloomy, they knew their hyung’s answer, he was more hopeless romantic then Hyunjin, they knew, even if it hurts, he would still want to love them. Gods, it stung even more, seven people, Chan was deeply in love with seven people and none where them. Minho was holding Chan’s hand as he brushed gently a piece of hair off his face, smiling softly.

Jisung had his ukelele out, tuning it so it would sound just right.

“Channie deserves the best” He had stated when he was asked by the doctor why he was so eager for the right note, and the man was determined to learn a lot of string instruments, he took a deep breath as he started to play a song.

“I have a question

It might seem strange

How are your lungs?

Are they in pain?” Changbin chuckled as he turned to look at Jisung who had a small sad smile on his pretty face and started snapping.

“ 'Cause mine are aching

Think I know why” He looked at their Channie hyung as tears filled his eyes. “I kinda like it though

You wanna try?

Oh, would you be so kind

As to fall in love with me?

You see, I'm trying

I know you know that I like you

But that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love” Minho smiled as he recognized the song, it was from a musical Youtube who had someone close to her contract hanahaki and wrote about the illness, becoming the unofficial anthem for those who have it, he found it fitting as he started singing along with Jisung.

“I think it's only fair

There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (“wanna share?” Seungmin joined, looking at his book.)

'Cause I like you but that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love with me” Jisung’s fingers moved across the string as the small musical break came, moving his head side to side, feeling the music in his bones.

“Let's write a story

Be in my book

You've got to join me on my page

At least take a look

Oh, where are your manners?

You need some time?

Let's swap chests today

That might help you decide” Hyunjin and Felix sang softly as they leaned against each other, closing their eyes.

“Oh, would you be so kind

As to fall in love with me?

You see, I'm trying

I know you know that I like you

But that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love

I think it's only fair

There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (“wanna share?” Jeongin sobbed a little as he hummed along )

'Cause I like you but that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love with me” Jisung closed his eyes as the rest of them sang along making the background melody to a company.

“Oh, do me a favour

Can your heart rate rise a little?

Do me a favour

Can your heart rate rise a little?

Do me a favour

Can your heart rate rise a little?

Do me a favour” The all sang as Jisung played his ukulele, Seungmin and Jeongin were mostly heard and they started snapping along.

“Oh, would you be so kind

As to fall in love with me?

You see, I'm trying

I know you know that I like you

But that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love

I think it's only fair

There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (wanna share?)

'Cause I like you but that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love

Oh I like you but that's not enough

So if you will

Please fall in love with me” Jisung stopped playing as the song ended, as he opened his eyes you could see his wet lashes, he put down his ukelele and they all heard a raspy laugh, making the turn.

Their hyung was awake, his eyes were shining and the oxygen mask was foggy due to his low laugh, Jeongin gasped as he stood up from his chair, hugging his hyung.

“Ineyah” Jeongin hummed, lookig up with wet eyes at his hyung. “It’s okay baby, hyung is alright.

“Lies, if you were alright we shouldn't have had to call emergency services because of hanahaki” Seungmin replied, looking hurt as he closed his book. “So sorry if we don’t believe that anymore hyung.”

Chan looked guilty as he turned his head, smiling softly as they all gathered close to his bed, Minho crossed his arms, looking irritated.

“So?” Minho asked 

“So?” Minho growled in exasperation to Chan's confusion.

“Who is it?” Chan blinked softly. “Who are they?”

“Th-they?”

“Yes hyung, they” Felix said mockingy with a pout. “The ones that put you in this state.”

“How- How did you know?”

Hyunjin pointed to the vased flowers, still looking fresh even after all these hours, Chan looked horrified at them, hand rising shakenly to his chest.

“They are awfully pretty for almost having killed you,” Jeongin mumbled. “They are mocking us, hyung, that is mean, make them stop mocking us, I don’t like it.”

Chan looked at their youngest, their sweet little Innie, they all knew that Chan would do it, whatever hurts Innie, Chan would make sure to make it stop, but Chan right now didn’t know how to do that, he didn’t even know why Jeongin felt it was mocking them, but all he did was sign with a apologetic smile.

“I don’t know how, Innie.”

“Why?” Changbin asked. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, I thought it would go away… It didn’t.”

“Tsk, yeah, we noticed.” Jisung said, looking angrier by the minute.

Chan noticed this, of course he did, he always noticed when his boys felt unwell or even mad, the latter was especially noticeable, they usually don't get mad often, and he was worried.

“Are you mad at me for not telling you? I’m sorry, it’s just… I didn’t know how or when it was the right time, you all care for me so well and I just didn’t want to be a burden for you.”

«Also, you are the ones that put me in this state». Was unsaid between his words, Felix sat up straight.

“Yeah, well, we would have cared either way, hyung, haven’t we made that clear?”

Chan nodded. “I know it's just… Different.”

Minho leaned closer and looked Chan dead in the eyes, Chan saw anger and hurt, Minho was someone that prided himself on been calmed and not getting violent, he was reserved for what he feels so seeing him like this made Chan wondered if he fucked up big time.

“Are you going to get the surgery?” Chan looks shocked as he starts looking at the rest of his boys. “You should get the surgery.”

“What?” he whispers, looking shocked.

“Get the surgery hyung…” Changbin pleaded. “If you don’t you are gonna die and what are we supposed to do without you?”

“I… I can’t, I can't, I'm sorry but I can't.” He refused, sure, it hurt and he was two steps away from certain death, but, he can’t live a life where he doesn't love his boys.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” Felix asked, looking at him with wet eyes.

“I don’t want to.” He admitted, looking at his hands.

Jeongin bit his lip, feeling about to explode. “Is it really worth dying for someone that doesn't love you back?”

“I should ask the same,” Chan answered sadly, feeling the flowers wanting to burst out of his chest again. “Don’t try to hide it, I’m your hyung, I noticed, you have hanahaki as well, but…” he bit his lip and looked at all of them. “They are worth everything to me,” those words seemed to sting them as they all made uneasy faces. “They mean the world to me, they are everything and loving them, yes it hurts but I love loving them, getting the surgery means I can’t do that anymore, it means all the damage was useless, I love them… I really do.”

Felix started coughing, making Chan turn his head in a worry and sitting as best as he could. Felix had his hand over his mouth trying his best to conceal the petals but it was useless, from his lips escaped the delicate blood and spit splattered petals of a… forget-me-not?

Chan looked at Felix as he grabbed one of the petals with his fingers, Chan looked at them in shock.

Chan loves forget-me-nots.

He has loved then for a while now, but recently they feel like a bad omen, the person his boys love also love forget-me-nots, so it felt like faith mocking him, rubbing in his face then even with the flower he likes, he wasn't good enough.

But maybe... Maybe...

“They can’t love you as we can…” Minho stated, always ignoring the fact that Felix blew their cover, Hyunjin was next to Felix, handing him a glass of water and checking he wouldn’t choke. “Do they mean more to you than us, Chan hyung?”

Chan felt his heart shake and his flowers shrink.

“Nobody can mean more to me than all of you.”

“You mean it?” Jeongin asked quietly, like a small boy scared to know the answer to a question, hand shaking as he reached out for Chan’s oxygen mask. “You mean every single word hyung?”

Chan sobbed as he nodded. “Every word. Everytime I told you I love you, I meant it, everytime I wrote a love song it was about you, because I love you, more than friends, and well…” He felt the mask lower as Jeongin looked at him with expecting eyes. “You all gave me hanahaki, I am in love with all of you I was willing to die for you.”

Jeongin shorten the distance as he smashed their lips together, it was shy and sweet, like Jeongin most of the time, Chan would feel the thorn disappear and the vines untangle, the irises inside of him shrivel as he looked at Jeongin, who was now very busy spitting out dried forget-me-nots in a bucket.

One by one his boys came to kiss him, Jisung and Felix were very eager to do so as he felt his lips swollen but their eagerness to kiss him, he didn't mind tho, Seungmin was more gentle, leaving small pecks before the long one, Changbin was sweet as well a unsaid “Thank you” in every movement, Hyunjin was more sensual, sticking his tongue and licking his lips before biting them, Minho was rough, angry even, he could feel the relife inside of him as they parted way, Chan chuckled before he started coughing out the dried up petals of his system, he was handed a bucket and was asisten by his boys as the doctors and nurses came in, after the big chunks were removed and filled to the brim inside a bucket, the doctor said he needed minor uninvasive surgery to get the rest of it out.

“Mr. Bang, I am very happy to say that you are hanahaki free, just come to weekly visits for a year and you should be good as new.” Chan bowed to the doctor who then turned to his boys. “You seven should be fine, but I will prescribe you medicine so we make sure none of it stayed.”

Chan smiled as he walked out of that hospital with seven boyfriend and a big smile, not been able to contain it as they walked along the park and he had the blessing to see his boy happy again, that his name was engraved in their heart just as deep as theirs where in his, that they could be happy and in love without the everlasting fear of death, as he sat on the grass and watched the sunset with his boys, he felt like the luckiest man in the world.

“I love you…”

“We do as well, Channie hyung.” he all replied before storming him with kisses.

Yeah, they did fall in love with him after all.

[stayphone]

Pairing: OT8 (Bang Chan centric)

Genre: angst with happy endinh

Warning: hanahaki disease

Comment: I see why it was meant to be a three part fic because this was absolutely amazing. Loved the trop and the progression. Also the insight into their minds and feelings was done amazingly.

Favourite line: not a line but the fool repetition to highlight the passqge was just a masterpiece.

Tips: none <3

This was a very amazing and complete read! Loved it!

[gardeniashellfire]

𝐀 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝: 𝐿𝑒𝑒 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝒉𝑜.| 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙆𝙣𝙤𝙬.

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝗜𝗜; 𝔖𝔱𝔞𝔶.— For chapter list check: ★The Archive Master List.

Wc; 3.1k+

Pairing; OT8 (Lee Know centric)

Genera; Angst with Happy Ending, Angst, Fantasy, Stranger to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Exs to Lovers, Graphic Depictions of Violence.

TW!!; Everyone is bad at feelings. (Horribly so), Consensual but NOT Safe or Sane. Religious talk and Imagery... Bc yeah.

Summary; Mortals lose and gain fate, that is just how it worked, for the most part at least, but what happens when a god losses fate? What do you do? How do they gain it back? they don't, it's simple.

What happens when the God of Love retires?

Chapter summary; They need to find love, they need to convince him, no matter what it takes.

✨ Part of the All-you-can STAY Network. (@stayphone)

“Are you sure this is a good idea my lady?” The God of Justice inquired while looking at the files in his hand, it was heavy and dense, years of information and data, a mission, a purpose, an almost impossible quest that might cause more harm than good. “Minho hasn’t talked to any of us for more than eight hundred years, not including the times he came here to get some of his stuff and just had a civil greeting.” 

“I know Chan, that’s why I sent Mark and Gun-il to call you here, you are the closest to him in location, you have seen him more often than any of us here.”

“ ‘More often’ is a great stretch my lady,” The God of the Stars said, looking down at his feet. “he avoids us like the plague, in his eyes we are nothing but trouble and pain, he never lets us near or even in a range of his presence, he hates us, despise us, he wants nothing to do with any of us no more,” Naeyon could hear the hurt in Jisung’s voice, before all of this, before Minho decided to quit and deny what he was, he and Jisung were together, so happy and in love that it made sense, but then Minho broke his heart, in change, he broke his own as well, leaving and never looking back. Maybe seeing the one he used to love would imply the hurry.

“Our lady, with all due respect,” The God of Fate intervened, looking very confused. “Why do you need the God of Love back? The Heavenly Court has been fine without him, well...” He made a face as he held his forehead, Naeyon looked at him with sadness as he coughed a little. “As well as we can be, his helpers have done a rather decent job with his domain and mortals haven’t stopped feeling love, why is he so needed now?”

“I know, my dear seer, but this sickness… This sickness has taken far too many of us for me to turn a blind eye any longer, many have fallen, many gods have new titles and it can’t be like this anymore, and maybe he can fix it, by being the son of Void and everything, with his return to his rightful place, the balance can be fix, and with that, no more sickness, no more gods turning into humans, no more destruction of our Heavens” Felix hummed as he sat down, looking as lost as ever, his powers were debilitating, his head hurt like the blazing fires of the underworld. “And you Felix, look at you, you are sick.”

Everyone turned to look at the God of Fate, it was true that he had been in a weird mood lately, looking ghostly pale and almost barely awake, his eyes were sunken which made him look like a deep sea creature due to his lack of iris and pupils, recently he couldn’t tell the fate of a mortal girl, a task so simple that it was almost ridiculous that was a heavy task, feeling weaker and weaker as time went on, he felt the shame, he felt the burning sensation, even if he couldn’t see that well, he knew, he was doomed.

“I told you to go see Sana, Felix.” The God of Trickery complained as he sat Felix down, frowning as the God of Fate smiled at him softly, his blank eyes filled with remorse.

“Anyway my lady, how are we supposed to convince him? He wouldn't even listen to you and you are our queen after Void,” Chan uttered, looking desperate. “How do we bring him back?”

“By any means necessary,” The God of Youth looked at her shocked, as he stood before her again with his big eyes and messy hair, childish, like the ones he protects, Naeyon felt bad he ended up in this mess. 

“My lady you can’t really be serious…”

“Yes, Jeongin, I am, we need the balance to be reinstated, we need this to be fixed, it’s gotten worse, so much worse that even the one who gives us fate can’t tell what is going to happen, this sickness is going to be our end, our ruin, I can’t knight any more gods knowing that it could be avoided. If we fall, then it’s all over, there is nothing left.” She raised her hand and opened the entry to the Mortal Realm. “Gun-ill will give you the compass to find him, Wild and Dance will be notified as soon as you arrive at their location, and don’t come back until you have him.”

“Yes our lady,” the seven gods bowed before crossing the portal, back to Seoul, where Mark was indeed waiting for them.

“Here,” he handed the God of Stars a golden compass, it was like every other compass that was ever made but the thing with this one was that it didn’t have a needle. “This will lead you to him, just say his name and title and boom, it will guide you to him.”

“Let’s give it a try then,” Chan muttered as the rest piled behind him, expecting. “Guide us to the God of Love, Minho.”

The compass started to light up, a small red smoke filled it forming the missing needle, it started spin forming a looking glass, as they leaned in closer, there he was, just as they remembered him, well, almost, his hair was no longer that dust pink and his eyes were no longer bright red that you could tell who his father was, they were brown and his hair was black, but he didn’t look older than he used to be, tired maybe, but not old, even as a human, he seems to renounce the idea of aging, outside the sun hit him so gently, making his eye look soft when he shot an arrow and turned to a small group of students. 

“You have to pray that the wind isn’t been a bitch sometimes, ” Gun-il gasped softly offended, Minho smirked, like he knew how the wind was, of course did, there wasn’t a time where Minho didn’t know when the wind was rapid and violent or soft and tamed, Gun-il and Minho had always this familiar relationship, teasing siblings that wanted to get a rise out of each other, even after he left, Minho enjoyed the sense of familiarity that the wind provided, there were times that Gun-il missed a teasing glaze and non existing threat of been shot an arrow. “If you have that figured out, you could never miss the mark.”

“You seem to know the wind very well, seonsaeng-nim.” One of the girls commented, her short white bob made her stand out in a crowd a mile away, she looked no older than Jeongin, maybe she was, even so, the God of Youth would take care of her either way.

“Yeah well…” he didn't let his eyes away from the target, laser focused on his work. “Let's say, I have known them for a very long time, having done this for years.” He turned, looking at his alumni with a gleam in his eyes, a gleam he had when it came to his helpers. “Shoot.” 

The gods looked in wonder as the young students, like on command, got themselves in a row, rising their bows, aiming and soon enough, arrows were flying, missing Minho by mere centimeters, gracing gently by his cheeks, but he didn't move, a blind trust in his students because closed his eyes, knowing that they won't hit him, that they will miss him and hit their targets. The Master Archer entrusted them to hit their mark, and they did, they always did.

Once the arrows were all gone and the winds didn’t buzz by his ear, he turned, a proud smile on his face as he saw the targets, it was nothing less than flawless , nines and tens, one or two eights, Minho chuckled, proud and graceful as his students looked at him with expectation, searching for approval.

“Impressive, very… Impressive. ” Jisung knew that tone, everyone in the Heavens knew that tone, so mysterious, so unsuspecting that you couldn't really tell what he meant, if they were anything close to everlasting and Mingo was still a god, Minho would have made them his Helpers. “Keep going.”

Chan closed the compass with a big sigh and looked at Gun-il. “Do you know where he lives?”

“Oh yes,” he smiled sheepishly, eyes fluttering as he looked at Seungmin’s rings. “Follow me, maybe at his home he would accept it easier.” 

“Or not, and he hides even more.” Jisung pointed out, crossing his arms. “We can wait outside and hope for the best.” 

“So where does he live?” Chan asked, Gun-il shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

 “What do you mean you don’t know?!”

“Well we don’t know!” Gun-il protested, his hand thrown in the air, eyes widened as a small child being accused of something. “We haven’t gotten to that part yet! I just know the general area that he could live in, but specific? No”

“For Void sake, Gun-il!” The God of Trickery gently patted Jeongin’s back as they all stood now in the middle of a park.

“It's okay Innie, I’m sure Gun-il will find a way to show us.” 

Gun-il nodded to the not so slight threat made by the Heavenly Thief, he snapped his fingers and took them to the general area, they were on a corner in a city, a seafood shop on the opposite side of the street, people running and walking, loud noises and the ever so dreadful feeling of lost faith.

Felix whined when it hit him, his head pounding and feeling all the sudden rush of humanity, after so long and so many times he wondered why they left him, why the sudden need to walk alone into the unknown, it hurts, really badly, someone covered his ears.

“Thank you, Innie.” The God of Youth nodded, Felix felt someone grab his hand, hiding him as the flashes of possible futures brash passed him, so many he couldn’t figure out for certainty. “Seungmin, I can walk.”

“Doesn’t take away that you may hurt yourself.” Chan looked at his opposite with soft eyes, even if he was everything he despised and shouldn't stand, he was a sweetheart. “Our lady said that Changbin and Hyunjin would be notified that we are here. Where are they?”

“Riiight” Gun-il stood still, eyes big and spaced, he twisted his mouth, tongue poking the inside of his cheeks. “Be right back.”

“GUN-IL!” Chan yelled as Gun-Ill disappeared into thin air, leaving them standing at the corner, he huffed. “Little shit.” Felix nodded, Jeongin and Seungmin still holding him down as Jisung stood by, the third son of Cosmos waited for his instructions. “Let’s go to the seafood place, yeah? It’s better than standing here.”

They crossed the street, entering the seafood place, Jeongin and Sengmin finally letting go of Felix, the doorbell rang as they said hello to the sweet old lady at the front, the soft chatting of the place plus the traditional look of it made them smile, they quickly took a seat as a waiter gave them their menu.

“We have a seafood boil promotion and the strawberry lemonade is two for one. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Momo would murder us for eating here.” Sengmin pointed out as he looked at the menu. “The seafood boil looks good though.”

“How are we going to find him?” Felix finally asked. “Gun-il himself doesn’t have a clue and we are running out of time. I may not have an account of the future that clearly, but it is obvious.”

“We know Lix,” Chan agreed as Jisung read the menu with Jeongin, pointing out what he wanted to eat. “It can’t be that hard, not many of us live in this area.”

“Yeah, but how many people are named Minho and know archery around here?”

“Lee Minho?” They turned to the waitress, she looked at them with confused eyes. “You know the archery instructor?”

“Y-yeah, sort of, we are uh… Friends.” Jeongin explained, tapping his fingers against the table. “You know him?”

“Yeah, my brother's friend takes classes with him, kind of scary but a really good teacher, my auntie raves about him all the time,” she rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “He gives classes at the gymnasium, also private sessions, short guy, black hair and brown eyes, kind of looks like a cat?”

“Yeah! That 's him.” Felix smiled. “We like to order now.”

…

The doorbell ran again, Felix turned to look at the door, there standing were the other two gods sent by Sana.

“Binnie, Hyune! Here!” The buzzcut man turned his head, slapping Changbin on the chest before walking and sitting next to them.

“Momo would kill you for eating her friends.” Changbin pointed out, smiling as Jisung gave him a strawberry lemonade. “Gun-il came to pick us up later, and no, we weren't informed, guess he forgot.”

“Still, he says sorry for ditching you here.” Hyunjin explained, grabbing Jisung’s hand from across the table. “How are you feeling, Sung?”

“Shitty,” they all nodded. After all, they all witnessed how the God of Love was cruel with him, breaking his heart into a million pieces. “but this is for the greater good, after that, I can still ignore him.”

Changbin patted his back. Chan nodded as he took a potato from the bag.

“We know where he gives his archery classes, the waitress told us how to get there, after we eat, of course.”

“Still can’t believe that we are dying,” Changbin acknowledged. “After being here so long, I didn't know our time would come. Lix eat more please, you are so pale.” Felix nodded as he bit into a shrimp. “I mean, it also makes sense he is in a metropolis like this, but Seoul? I thought he would go to Paris, it seems fitting.”

“Yo heard him that day, he didn’t want to do anything with love.” Seungmin stabbed a piece of corn as he said those words. “He doomed us all for that.”

“No blaming Minho for this, okay? The sickness isn’t anything of his cause,” Jisung eyes Chan, his righteousness kicking in when the one accused doesn’t have the means to defend himself. “We just need him to try and restore the balance and then… I don’t know, we will figure it out later.”

“Always eager to defend, Channie.”

“He is my best friend, Ji. I just want him back.”

…

Minho walked out of the gymnasium tired, it had been a long day and all he wanted now was to go home and be with his cats, maybe watch his drama and sleep until next millennium. 

He walked down the street, the street light shining as he made his way towards the train station, he looked at his phone, scrolling on his instagram page to pass time, the soft humming of birds, the brushing of trees and the echoes of crickets made him smile, he stopped dead in his tracks as he looked around the concrete building and the lack of nature, why the fuck was he…?

Oh.

Oh no.

“Changbin.” He uttered, turning around again as he looked at the desolated street. “Changbin, I know you are here.”

“Always so perspective, Min.” Minho took a deep breath as the figure appeared, but he wasn’t alone. “Hello, Minho, how are you?”

“I was having nice day, until you appeared and decided to fuck it up.”

“Harsh,” Hyunjin muttered, a disgusted look on his face as he licked his lip. Minho couldn’t help but admire the lack of hair, for millennia, the guy with ankle long hair was now bald. And brunette. “We came in peace.”

“Oh no, there isn’t any peace when it comes to you, I already have to deal with seeing Gun-il and Mark today, I certainly don’t want to see you.” He avoided the burning gaze of one of those gods, a man he adored and loved with all his might, big dark blue eyes that made him wonder how someone like that could exist, the reasons of his pains, the reasons of his sighs, the God of Stars. “What do you even want?”

“Nayeon sent us.” He spoke, no expression on his face as he took a step forward. “You need to come back.”

“No.” 

“Minho-”

“No! I left and am never coming back, I am no god, you haven't needed me in a very long time, so why do you think that I woul-”

“We are dying Minho!” Seungmin screamed as Jeongin grabbed Felix. “We have disappeared, some of us are gone and we don’t know what to do. I was knighted as the god of Thieves recently, thieves! You knew Sunoo and I did as well, we don’t know what is happening, so please, come back.”

Minho's eyes darted to Felix, the god of Fate looked pale, his eyes were milky blue and he was skinny, alarmingly so, he sniffed and smiled at Minho, his chest hurts, no… No!

“I am not coming back,” Chan pressed his lips and clutched his fist. “We aren’t needed by humanity, I should know, they don’t need us and they certainly don’t need me. Not anymore. I’m sorry, but I am not coming back.”

“Minho please,” Jeongin begged. “Please we need you back."

“No, Jeongin, I’m sorry but that’s final.”

“Tsk.” He looked at Jisung, eyes filled with hate and anger, he couldn’t blame him. “You really are heartless, aren’t you God of Love ?”

He extended his wings, white and glorious, the sudden weight made him shift his back a bit, he was sure his eyes turned red as Chan pulled out his dice. 

“Minho, stay.”

“Leave, Chan.” 

He took off, not caring how his heart felt, not caring how it broke even more to leave them, the tears running down his eyes weren’t real, and neither was the sensation of being watched, no, he wasn’t going back, they were lying, they had too, he saw Sunoo two weeks ago, he wasn’t dead, no.

He crash landed near his apartment, his knees scarped by the land, he was used to seeing blood and the sensation of bleeding, he would never get used to the fact it was now red, he sniffed and tried to dry his eyes, but it still hurts, he doesn’t remember getting to his apartment and crying against the door, sobbing as he gripped the shirt where his heart was, no longer red and beating, but cold and black, a reminder of what he had lost.

His cat came to cuddle him, trying to make him feel better, maybe he should have stayed.

✥--------------- ╚»★«╝ ---------------✥

Chapter Edit: Chan.

[stayphone]

Pairing: OT8 (Lee Know centric)

Genre: Angst with Happy Ending

Warning: depiction of illness

Comment: OMG i am in love. The lore just keeps getting better and I absolutely adore all their dynamics. This is absolutely amazing.

Favourite line: difficult choice but I think it was "the guy with ankle long hair was now bald. And brunette". I am not sure why but it was such a satisfying line

Tips: I sometimes got confused between which member was which god but maybe that was a me problem. By the end of the chapter I understood all, tho it was a bit of a puzzle to piece together at the beginning

[gardeniashellfire]

𝐀 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝: 𝐿𝑒𝑒 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝒉𝑜.| 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙆𝙣𝙤𝙬.

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝗜; 𝔏𝔢𝔞𝔳𝔢.— For chapter list check: ★The Archive Master List.

Wc; 3.2k+

Pairing; OT8 (Lee Know centric)

Genera; Angst with Happy Ending, Angst, Fantasy, Stranger to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Exs to Lovers, Graphic Depictions of Violence.

TW!!; Everyone is bad at feelings. (Horrabily so), Consensual but NOT Safe or Sane. Religious talk and Imagery... Bc yeah.

Summary; Mortals lose and gain fate, that is just how it worked, for the most part at least, but what happens when a god losses fate? What do you do? How do they gain it back? they don't, it's simple.

What happens when the God of Love retires?

Chapter summary; What is life like after everything fell apart?

A/N; Probably gonna be the longest update yet. Probably the proudest fic I am currently reading. Also slow updates, I just have 5 chapters down. Also! edits will be added to get the vibe of the gods. ✨ Part of the All-you-can STAY Network. (@stayphone)

If there was a way to describe what mortals were, at least to the God of Love, it was predictable, shallow, heartless and not as amusing as they once were. Most gods felt that their little creations had dwindled and lost a spark that made them more interesting all those centuries ago, it was an odd sensation when you have lived for as long as they have.

Times changed and alongside it, society and its key components, mortals were one of those ever changing elements that seemed to never stay put, and now the gods had to do something to keep themselves relevant in their eyes, because if the gods were something, they were very prideful.

They blended in with mortals and hearing their pleas and taking care of them as they evolved, but one god that seemed to start resenting his job after so long, was the God of Love. He was one of the most ancient gods there were in the Heavenly Court, seeing what people did in the name of him, what they would do for the one they loved most deeply, crying when those destined to be together weren’t able, sobbing for young lovers and the old ones, smiling and giggling when mortals found the one, when forever friends formed their friendship and families were healthy, he loved… Love. He loved doing his job, out of all the gods, he was one who really enjoyed their job the most.

But as the years went by and times started to change, the God of Love started to change as well, but not for the better, it was almost inevitable when the very things that worship you have several crises and changes that they lost the plot of what once was, seeing how people valued his work less and less, how the meaning, his meaning , was not the same, how he was degraded and spat at and his art was made a fool, all he ever represented held no value, no meaning, he was no longer valued, no longer wanted, he saw people curse at him, tear apart what made his job so wonderful, cheat, kill, bleeding hearts that he had to pick up every single piece, crying as he did so, roses are red for a reason with sharp thorns that will make you bleed, that’s why lily of the valleys are poisonous, he held all those pieces between his hands, never been able to fix them ever again. Shards of a reminder of constant failure.

Slowly, he started to close off from everybody, becoming more distance, more cynical as he was told to do his job, watching with no joy when a couple got together and looking even less sad when it didn’t work out, all he did was stare at the strings of fate that he held, seeing them tug and pull, begging for a sign, but no sign was given, it had seemed like he gave up. It only became worse when the whole “living amongst human” arrangement started to be implemented for more likelihood of them being worshiped or been in touch with the mortals, due to them not going to temples that much anymore, but the God of Love seemed to have taken the opportunity to quit, literally, he slowly vanished from most of the gods radar, and the effect was noticeable, love was more monotonous, more simple, more condensed, nothing too explosive and grandiose that was his signature, undying pure love, few humans were left with what used to be Love’s Effect, but even so, Love seemed to become bitter of his own doing, resenting his job to a point he had stopped interfering all together, letting the mortals do whatever the pleased with what was left of his magic and influence. 

He didn’t care when he was cursed, when people called out for him and his help, the other gods saw Love been hopeless, doing bare minimum, filing paperwork and sending it to HQ, the other gods tried very hard to convince him to do his job, well, the extra steps of his job, for as long as he exists his domain as well, they were all used to seeing him buzz around the world giggling and smiling, but he refused, looking tired by the minute upon existing.

“They don’t value me anymore.” he snapped one day, looking pissed as the goddess of the Sun tried to convince him to give it another chance. “They don’t value what I am and haven’t for a long time, Nayeon, why should I put an effort on those who make a mockery of me? Take what I give them and crush it, disgrace it? I am not going back to The Heavens, I’ll never will, not until they learn, maybe they never will, and for that I am not needed or wanted, this will stay like this for a while, my lady, I am no longer the God of Love, find another, maybe one of my helpers would be a good fit enough, choose any, there are plenty, but not me.” Naeyon's eyes filled with sadness upon seeing the god of Love so heartbroken for those creatures he used to adore, his words stuck with her, her heart ached when the once bright pink haired god was dull, no shine in his eyes. “Now leave me alone.”

Ever since then, few were the times where the God of Love was seen, well, doing his job, he was usually spotted doing daily activities that mortals did, even he got a job, but what once was a kind and bright god, was now a tired man that had lost hope in what he represented.

But that was a long time ago, but if there was something the gods were, it was everlasting.

…

..

.

Minho grunted as he stretched himself out of bed as soon his alarm clock went off, he giggled softly as his Dori meowed from his lap, his big cat eyes looking up at him as we curled his tail around his wrist.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll give you food soon baby, don’t worry” he gave him a small kiss as he got out of bed, feeling the dread of the day again by just touching the floor. “Let’s get over this.”

If you were to enter the small apartment in Seoul of one Lee Minho, you will find an assortment of weird stuff, like small veils of different color sand, a bow in his storage closet, arrows inside of a suitcase with big letters that read “DO NOT OPEN!”, piles of unread mail and the feeling of coldness but also with the permanent smell of roses and springwater, the scent of sugar cookies and the hug a warm candlelight night, but all of that was overpowered by bitter sweetness and the overwhelming need to sleep, nothing to ever suggest that the person that lived there wasn’t a person, but a god, a god of love named Lee Minho,

His neighbors sometimes wondered if the one living in apartment C-143 was even real, only seeing him at night smoking in his balcony or his footsteps being heard at night in the corridor when he does some nightly runs to 7-Eleven, the cats meowing and the soft patter of his steps was a clear giveaway that he was indeed real and lived there. All they knew was that he looked young, was an archery teacher and showed little to no emotion.

He was a strange guy, they say, not because of his behavior towards others, but just in general, he gave off this odd and heartwarming feeling, polite to those who ever spoke to, his voice nice and soft like a chocolate covered strawberry and rich honey, his job as an archer teacher had him away most of the time and the few times he did show up, was the same vibe, calming heartwarming presence, even if they couldn’t understand him, they couldn’t complain either, they have never needed to dial the police so, what gives? He was just a weird guy.

Minho poured his cats food in their bowls and gave them all little kisses on the head before starting his routine. It was simple, actually, like most of his life: Wake up, feed the cats, bath, eat breakfast, go to work, repeat. Sometimes grocery shopping was added. And avoiding other gods like they carried the plague was written in very small letters just as a reminder to always be alert, but that was a whole entirely different story.

Today was the normal style of his routine: Wake up, feed his cats, take a bath (or a shower in this case), eat breakfast and go to work. He had a private session with some rich girl at two, so he needed to get ready. As the water ran down his body he looked at the white damped feathers that fell down at his feet, he sighed as it started to clamp his drain, moving it aside with his feet, he decided to ignore it, he has been doing so for a long time already, this wasn’t gonna make a difference. It never did.

No, no, not now Minho, you are over this, there is no need to be moping and weeping on the possible futures. 

Lee Minho was twenty four year old guy from Gimpo that teaches archery in the local gymnasium, loves his three cats and is an outsider in his complex, that what his neighbors were told and what they have seen, but truth be told, he was no man, before them as he waved goodbye at some ajummas and ajusshis in the patio and took out his trash on time so the schedule wouldn’t be off, was the God of Love, the deity in several myths and legends of new and old, subject of so many celebrations and claim that it was sometimes overwhelming how much he popped up in modern times, and you may ask, why was he taking the public south korean transport while listening to a cooking podcast and going to an everyday normal ass job?

Easy. He retired.

Well, retired is a very dubious word when it came to godhood, he was the embodiment of love, he was love, love was him, he can’t escape that no matter how hard he ran away or how sneaky he wanted to be, he mainly retired on the whole God of Love thing, like renouncing a title. After centuries and millennia of mortals disrespecting his domain, he had enough, the Heavenly Queen and King decided that the best for their gods was to live among the humans so that they could perform more efficiently and maybe to increase the visit to temples and restore their fate, Minho took the offer and put in his two week notice as one may say. He was no longer the “god” of love as he was concerned, he was just… Lee Minho.

He quickly got off his train and walked towards the gymnasium at a quick paste, he tried to avoid looking at the people passing by and not to bump into anyone, he didn’t want to have a headache while shooting arrows at a very distant target, he learned it the bad way far too late for his liking, even if he was retired, he had no turn off button, always haunting him, a mockery of what he will always be, there wasn’t a single day Minho regretted ever accepting those strings that could tell peoples destined love, but he couldn’t get rid of them, he was created like this, even with all his bitterness, he will never be normal.

He closed the metal door, letting out a big breath of air before walking towards the little area designed for archery outside of the gymnasium, he let go of his bag and started stretching, it wasn't odd for some to just see him there, doing practice shootings and looking so effortless, slowly but surely more people started joining, wandering eyes fell upon Minho and ways of shooting and arrow, if you were to ask any of the people he trained, they would say it was like he been doing this for years, dancing as he changed from target to target with so much ease, the aire been in his favor as he shoots every single time a bullseye, finger grazing the next arrow and never even thinking twice before shooting, it was his second nature, they say, like he was born doing this. 

Minho let out a small puff of air as he lowered his bow, eyes fixed in his target, bullseye as always, perfectly centered, never too off and never too deep for it to be hard to remove by the other people who are going to use it. Perfect, as always.

“Aaaah, so cool as always, seonsaeng-nim” Minho giggled as one of his students looked at him in awe, eyes sparkling as his mother smiled softly.

“Well, thank you Soobin-ah.” He bowed, a custom that he had gained in the years he had lived in South Korea, Soobin was one of his newer students that had signed up for the summer course he was having to have a little bit extra cash, capitalism seemed to be a thing mortals gained a liking too, after those courses were done, he rolled in the normal ones as he had joined his schools archery team, Soobin always so eager to learn and be a good archer. 

If he was anything close to immortal, he would have accepted him as one of his helpers, teaching him everything he knew and sending him off to deliver his message around, he could imagine it, golden chain around his waist and pretty pastel red wings that gain him the ability to fly, the heart like pupils and the white robes that would keep him safe, he blinked that idea away, for he was no longer the God of Love and Soobin wasn't immortal.

“I'll be back at five, okay dear?” His mother left a soft kiss on his cheek and Minho couldn't help but see their heart, both a shining gold that it made him soft, his mother's heart glowed green with so much care as Soobin waved her away, just a pure heart, such a rarity in this modern time, it was people like Soobin and his mother that made him miss his job.

Sometimes. On a good day.

“Alright, go stretch out and we will wait for your classmates.” Soobin nodded, walking towards the benches where he dropped off his stuff and started to do some warmups.

Minho looked up at the sky, blue and white painted so wonderfully that he wondered how could Keeho had the time and patients to draw them all, the soft clouds were soaring across it with no care in the world, Minho missed the days where he spent his free time cloud hopping, just enjoying existence and seeing mortals.

“Sorry if we're late seonsaeng-nim!” Yuqi called as she bowed with Sunoo, Minho smiled as he waved his hand to dismiss them.

“It’s okay, go stretch with Soobin-ah, and we just have to wait on Lily,” The two of them nodded before heading towards the benches where they greeted Soobin and started stretching with him.

He took out his notebook and started to check his schedule, morning class, then at two he had a class with the rich kid. She was probably a little kid or needed some private lessons, then finished at four, stayed with Soobin until his mom picked him up… Yeah, all sorted out. He closed his notebook as Lily came smiling, hair messy and looking like she ran a marathon, Minho didn’t want to ask, she reeked of Gun-il, that little fucker always causing problems, he let out a sigh and smiled at the girl.

“Go start stretching, Lils, we shall get started soon,”

“Thank you!”

Minho waved her along, but he felt eyes on him, he quickly turned towards the skies, and there, sitting on a big puffy cloud was Gun-il and Mark, looking down at him with their godly eyes, full whites, as the wings on Gun-il’s head flapped as the breezed got stronger, Mark had his gods forbidden notebook in hand as he wrote down what he was seeing, Minho frowned as he raised his finger at them.

“Leave.” They blinked, surprised he even acknowledged them in the first place and were gone as the next cloud moved along.

He hated that, they could never leave him alone.

“Alright folks, from the top and try to not miss the target, yes Yuqi, I’m talking to you!”

..

“So?” Naeyon hurried, looking at the God of Wind and the Divine Messenger with expectation when they entered the counsel room. “What do you have?”

“It took us a while to find him, but Gun-il found one of his students.” Mark said to the sun goddess as he bowed deeply.

“He is still teaching archery at that gymnasium, he looks no older than the last time you saw him, my lady. Still not fawning for us for he commanded us to leave.” 

“Expected, after all, he didn’t leave under the best of terms.” Tzuyu, the goddess of dawn, agreed, her golden eyes fell upon Mark, who blinked due to her shine, dawn but still the sun. “Anything else?”

“He doesn't seem to be losing divinity or his powers,” Gun-il nodded along, solemn to the expression. “But still very minimal if he had so, the sickness seems to not be affecting him at all like you suggested my lady, I could see his aura, I could see his wings hidden with his magic, his students seem to be affected by his influence as they seem to possess his symbol.”

Naeyon nodded long as she stood from her throne, ever since humans started to be more... Human, as to say, gods started to feel unwell, vanishing into thin air and their domains being transferred to other gods, minor gods were affected first, falling ill and then vanishing to never be seen again, being infused with Void and their domain given to more powerful and well known gods to not be forgotten, Minho’s helpers since he quit were booked overtime, looking guidance in each other to the crisis they were facing, the once bright and happy place was now morbid and all over the place, some helpers had followed the footsteps of their lord and quit, tired of the mockery. Others stayed and delivered what was left of love to mortals.

“ Now I understand why our lord quit, these mortals…” He didn’t even finish the phrase as he decided to do paper work.

It wasn’t much of a problem until fairly recently, when major gods and goddesses started to feel weaker and weaker, being unable to do their job and spread their influence, falling ill out of nowhere, bed ridden and on the brink of death. Naeyon had attributed it to the lack of balance, Minho was the son of Void, one of the pillars that stood between balance and disaster with him gone… Naeyon closed her eyes and spoke softly.

“Send the closest gods near Minho to bring him here, willing or not, I do not care, but he must return to The Heavens at once.”

“What are you going to do my lady?” Mark ventured.

“We are bringing the God of Love out of his retirement.”

[stayphone]

Pairing: OT8 (Lee Know centric)

Genre:

Warnings:

Comment: Did someone say masterpiece? The writing is very descripting and flows well. The highlight is definitely the worldbuilding and lore, which is crafted amazingly. This piece really leaves you eager for more.

Favourite line: "he loved... love" is my favourite because it is such a romantic line and it also makes the following disillusionment even more heart breaking

Tips: no tips really. I love the spacing in this because the short sentences interrupt the longer paragraphs rather nicely.

I am so excited for thissss! The lore, and I will say this on repeat, is absolutely amazing!

[stayphone]

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[gardeniashellfire]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐝𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠.| 𝘽𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣.

Chapter 1;

Wc; 3.1k+

Pairing; OT8 (Bang Chan centric) — Chapter specific; Hyunho.

Genera; idiots in love, angst.

TW!! (MDNI); Yearning. Sexual behavior (jerking off, horny.)

Chapters; [Chap. 2] [Chap. 3]→ 💌request.

Summary; Falling in love was the least hard part, how could it not? Chan was just… Chan, and that made him all the more perfect, he didn't really have to try and wooh them, really it was really simple.

Then those words escaped his mouth and it felt like all hope was lost, they couldn't even blame him, never, after so long the guy felt that everything he had was temporary, that everyone would leave and expecting him to even consider the idea that they might be in love with him was ridiculous.

So sue them for having some hope sometimes, for thinking that his smile hide more and his eyes shine like theirs due when ever they glance at each other or when he grabs their hands, sue them for falling for acts of kindness out of their leaders heart! And sue them for wanting to rip his clothes off everytime he does a concept with Hyunjin that somehow involved the color red and vampires! For- some reason.

or;

Chan makes it really hard not to fall in love with them and the rest of the group just combust one day.

✥------------------╚»★«╝---------------✥

For all intended purposes, they were totally normal when it came to Chan. 

No really! They were! Promise!

It all started when they were trainees, for every one had a crush on someone when they were young right? They all stared at Chan, who had his head down looking at his laptop with a concentration that not even JYP himself could break. The silence in the room could be felt as he typed away and clicked on his mouse, clicked his tongue and frowned even more as he took deep sighs and breath. 

“Does he usually do this?” Hyunjin asked in a hushed tone, eyes still fixed on their leader's face as Changbin nodded.

“Producer mode.” Changbin had answered, hands clenched together as Chan closed his laptop, determination inside his eyes that made their hearts do a weird little flip.

“I know we have the odds against us, and I know we are experimental, but trust me when I tell you this, I promise I will make us debut together, all of us, no matter what happens next or who I have to fight. I have faith in your talents, in your skills and abilities to make this group something, even if we fight.” Jisung bit his lip and looked away, the punch on his left cheek still visible. Hyunjin's bruised knuckles stare back at him. “Even if we get mad at each other, even if you come to consider me a ruthless leader that is heartless and mean. I have faith in you, in all of you. No matter what.”

Maybe it was his determination, maybe it was the pleading in his voice and how small it sounded, maybe it was the intimacy they had, no cameras, no staff, just them in that practice room where it was cold and it somehow felt unfamiliar, just them and their leader that was not much older than their youngest. Maybe it was the way he looked at them, like they somehow meant the world to him. Maybe and just maybe, that was the first instance that they fell in love with Chan.

But love is a very strong word, isn’t it? 

No. Not when it came to Chan. 

Years passed, every tear, every fight and every late night session that they endured, every meeting with JYP where Chan stood between them like a barrier, like he was scared that one look from him and they were gone, Chan was there, smiling, loving eyes and open arms that gave the best warm hugs, he was there and he never left. After every show, they didn’t dare to look back, because if they did, his eyes were there, full of love and adoration, they would not be held responsible if they grabbed him at that moment. They loved him, of course they did, Chan was perfect in every single instance that he existed, but there was a tiny problem…

“He’s locked up in the studio again.” Changbin’s voice echoed across the speaker of Minho’s phone. “He said he had an epihany.” 

“Epihany my ass.”

“ No debating that.”

“Not now you pervert.” Changbin laughed. Minho sighed as he lowered the phone on the table, it was well past midnight and the 3Racha were nowhere in sight. Well, that was a half truth, Jisung and Changbin were on a call heading back home as they ratted out their leader to Minho for over working himself again. “Did he wait to kick you out?”

“ We were leaving when he stood up and locked the door. We think it’s barricaded.” Jisung sounded sleepy, Changbin was probably holding his stuff as they walked holding hands. “ Probably the chair.” Shuffling , a soft whine and the patting of the steps on the concrete. “ We heard that weird deranged laugh he has when a good idea strikes him.”

“Oh yeah, honestly at this point it's just him losing his mind over work again.” Felix walked in, messy blonde hair and a blanket wrapped around him. “Are you going to get him, hyung?”

“Yeah, yeah I have to, last time he didn’t sleep and didn’t eat...” He looked at the phone again, the name displayed as Little Binnie , the phone call was still on going, but he still remembered all those nights where Chan just burned himself out, “That stubborn hyung.” Minho mumbled, checking for his car keys. It was not long ago when Chan had this breakdown, where he lost himself to work and Minho couldn’t recognize the person that wore his hyung face, he was a stranger and all he wanted was to make him go away. “Sungie, Binnie, please stay at the building or send me your location, I’ll come pick you guys up and drag Channie hyung, okay?”

“Yes hyung.” And the call ended.

Minho turned to look up at Felix, he smiled, tight and nervous but still a smile, the comeback was near and with them the deadlines that flooded them, Minho’s own feet burned and ached due to all the practicing he had done to get the choreo right and what Stay deserved, 3racha worked overtime and he knew, he knew Chan would fall again in his bad habits. They knew him, they really did, everything inside of the them tried to make sure their leader stayed healthy and didn’t run himself too thin, but here he was.

Inside of Felix’s eyes was something more, something Minho can relate all too well, the feeling of dread that has consumed them for a while now, the feeling of having Chan and never really having them. What do you do when the one you loved rejected you without knowing?

“I’ll leave now, take care of the maknaes, yeah?” Felix nodded as Minho gave him a forehead kiss.

The cold night air filled his lungs as he started the car engine, the soft humming, the quiet of it all, his heart still ached when a night like these came up and he was awake, like that night when Chan was live doing something he called ‘Channie’s Room.’, his smile and voice echoed across his earphones, the nervousness that filled his chest to just tell him, to ask him if he wanted to be with them.

Took time, patience and maybe a few hate fucks between Jisung and Hyunjin here and there, but they were ready, not telling Chan was agony as they all seemed eager to add their oldest hyung to their little bunch, Minho knew the rest were also listening, of course they did, it was Chan they were talking about, as he turned the street and stoped at a red light, clear as day he heard it and his heart broke into a million pieces.

«“Channie, have you ever fallen in love? I can barely fall asleep, what makes you think I have time to fall in love?”»  

All his hopes, all his dreams crumbled in a few seconds as Chan giggled so innocently while reading more comments. Felix cried in his arms that night, everyone looked sad, and Chan? Chan treated them to ice cream and a nice movie to cheer them up, a ritual they still have to this day whenever he sees them down. That hurt even more, because he was fixing something he broke without knowing, he quickly whipped away his tears as Jisung and Changbin climbed into the car, their eye bags darker and their stares just as tired as his.

“I’ll go get him, yeah? It won’t take long.” Jisung nodded as he sipped his drink and Changbin gave him that pleading look.

The halls seemed longer and the echo was sure more present as he made his way to the studio, the numbness didn’t go away when he turned the corner and there he was standing in front of the vending machine, black hoodie and basketball shorts, his hair was a mess, the bright orange peeking under that beanie Seungmin gave him for his birthday last year and a look of defeat as he stared at the can in his hand.

“Hyung.” His voice carried as Chan turned to look at him, his eyes solemn and tired as he lowered his hand, he didn’t run or argue or even tell him to go away like he once did, he just stared at Minho, like it was odd to see him there, like he wouldn’t have known that Minho would come looking for him. “Let’s go home.”

Chan let out a broken sob as he nodded, he was tired, he really was, every single bone in his body hurt and his fingers were going numb, as he gripped onto Minho and buried his face in his neck, those quiet moments where their leader crumbled, where all he wanted was a hug and for the world to go away and shut up, Chan looked up as Minho slowly walked him towards the car, Jisung and Changbin were there, Jisung held a plastic bag like it was victory trophy, eyebags just as heavy as his but a smile that indicated that it was okay.

“You called him?” Changbin giggled as Chan grabbed the bag and looked inside.

“We had to, you are not doing this again, hyung, we are not letting you, okay?” Chan nodded as he got himself into the passenger seat and opened the little sandwich. “Hyung-”

“The dead line is near, Changbin, I- I just want to get this over with for now.” He took a bite, Minho sighed. “And you and Sungie looked tired and you needed sleep.”

“You also need sleep, the last time you did this stunt your nose bled, remember?” Minho words struck with that coldness he was known for. “Hospitals, doctors, those sleeping pills, hyung, as much as you are a self sacrificing idiot, we need you. We really do, not just as our leader, not just as our hyung, we-” Minho took a deep breath, feeling the knot in his throat. “We just need you, just Chan, just you.”

Chan turned to look at Minho, mid chew as Jisung and Changbin eyes burned to the side of his face. 

“We really do, hyung.” Jisung grabbed his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. “So please, don’t do that again.”

“I finished the song.” Changbin shook his head as he smiled, knowing it took so much inside of Chan to not cry his eyes out. “I called it Red Lights, it’s- It’s different but still very us, I think you will like it.” 

Maybe they decided to ignore his red cheeks, maybe they ignored the way he continued to eat nervously and maybe they ignored his gaze when he said those words. They ignored it even more when Hyunjin hugged Chan as soon as he walked into the dorm, slumped over and hid his face from the rest of the world like his life depended on it.

“Took you long enough, old man.” Seungmin looked annoyed as Jeongin and Felix cuddled on the couch, his stance was defensive and yet he looked worried for his hyung, Chan smiled as Seungmin grabbed his wrist. “Please don’t do this again.”

Chan smiled, they knew he couldn’t promise that but for now, they all just slept in a cuddle pile, not letting Chan go as they drifted back to sleep.

The most intense rock paper scissors was that of who was going to sing Red Lights, it was stupid really, but then they took it seriously as they laughed and patted each other after every round, Chan smiled at Hyunjin, that grin that he had when something was secret that he was ready to reveal, the mischief, the complicity that invaded their little bubble as the rest whined when their dear leader announced that Red Light will be a surprise song, Hyunjin felt those butterflies in his stomach as Chan leaned in during practice, his breath brushing against his skin that he had to grip his pants.

“Honestly, I didn't think we would get paired, but hey, I'm glad.” And he winked, he smirked and leaned back, laughing as Changbin flirted with Felix as Felix hugged him close, Hyunjin wanted to believe that the look inside of Chan’s eyes was longing, wanting, that maybe he wanted to be with them and stay and cuddle, that he was in love that he-

“I won’t disappoint you hyung, I promise.”

He chuckled. “You never have, Jinnie.”

He was sent the lyrics later that same night alongside the melody, Hyunjin’s mind raced as Chan’s voice echoed across his headphones, the low growls and the way his voice carried that passion of wanting someone in a way that was less than pure, so vicious and toxic that it is impossible to even say no to those needs. His cheeks flushed, he was going to sing that with him, he was… Oh boy.

Maybe he spent more time rereading the messages and the little emojis used by Chan, maybe he fell asleep while listening to his hyung’s low voice while he sang, maybe he touched himself thinning of his hyung, but all Hyunjin knew was that these feelings weren’t going away.

..

Hyunjin had to contain a whine as Chan stood up from the stylist chair, his brain felt like malfunctioning as he saw the exposed back of his hyung, toned, muscle, scratchable back of his hyung.

Oh, lord. Lord have mercy, please.

His dick can’t take much! Look at him, that waist and the way he has been wrapped around with chain- Wait.

“You really went all out on this one, right hyung? I mean for all intended purposes, we just might star in a drama.” Chan laughed.

“Hey! A change is nice and besides, you don’t half bad, Hyunjinnie.” He hooked his finger under his shirt, smirking as Hyunjin whined and pushed it away with the hopes it looked playful, fearing that he could feel how hot his skin felt at the thought of him being near. “So, we are going to do the bed scene first and then the hallway, yeah?”

“Yeah- Yeah sounds good, hyung.”

He felt like a teenager when he laid on that bed and Chan was on top of him, how his fingers gripped his throat, Hyunjin tried so hard to be normal, like Chan’s touch wasn’t fire on his skin and like him manhandling him wasn’t everything he ever wanted. He looked at Chan as he laid on that big bed, chained and the lights dimmed red, trying to remember how to breathe as Cha smirked at him, their voices echoing across the speakers, the soft humming and the deep beat made Hyunjin’s body tingle.

He wondered who inspired him to write all those things, he couldn’t help it, it made him jealous, it really did, to just hear the need, the desperation, how he had been driven crazy by the idea of the ever wanting need to have someone. He wanted to rip his clothes off, he wanted to make his lips sore and keep him between his arms and make him forget anybody else, no one could treat his hyung as good as they could.

A part of him that he felt ashamed of, that part of him that just wanted, that just pleaded and asked and wanted to possess Chan, have him on his knees while Hyunjin just took care of him, the need to mark and own was agonizing, it has consumed him for years, as he danced with Chan to the beat of their voices, he really had lost control.

Would be beg? Would he sound so pretty with high pitched moans and panting while Hyunjin proved to him he didn’t need someone else besides them? Was he bitter? A scratcher? Maybe he was both and Hyunjin could just melt to those thoughts. He wanted his hyung to be with them, with him , it ached him to even think that his hyung wrote this about someone else. A dark feeling of jealousy just existed in his stomach as Chan pulled the chain like he was his dog.

Hyunjin would gladly worship him for the rest of eternity like one, but for all that was holy he just wanted him between his arms and never let go!

But he didn’t have time to fall in love.

So the feelings were kept inside.

..

Chan was a menace that was draped in a leader suite, they all knew he was getting a kick out of this, the secrecy, the way him and Hyunjin giggled, the way Chan draped himself around the tallest of them all and giggled, it drive them nuts, their had released the name of their new album NOEASY and everything was ready, but one thing that was consuming them alive was the Red Lights, they knew the MV was already filmed and ever since then Hyunjin seemed to be on the edge of a meltdown.

But in all honesty they were all on the edge of a melt down.

Hyunjin gave a look at Minho one chilly morning, that secret look they had managed to get over the years while the rest were oblivious to the turmoil of their brains, after many months of filming and recording, everything was ready and a day off was more than required. Minho closed the door of Hyunjin’s room, the AC was still on and the lights were dimmed out. 

Hyunjin laid on his bed, like a starfish,  looking devastated.

“I can still feel it.” Minho sat on the bed, eyes fixed on Hyunjin stare. “His touch, his warmth, he’s intoxicating, so intoxicating. We filmed that music video so long ago and I can still feel him, it’s like he lives under my skin.”

“Was it that good, Jinnie?”

“Oh god, hyung, I can’t take it anymore, maybe we should play offensive, maybe start to show him we want him, desperately, because we do.” Minho laid beside Hyunjin. feeling how the younger ones had wrapped himself around his body. “We should- We could try.”

“Hyunjin.”

“I know, I know I just…” Minho kissed away the tears, holding him close when the world seemed too big for him or too small and he was suffocating. “I just want him to be with us, to love us, to… To know we love him, that we can’t live without him.”

“I know, baby, I know.” Their hearts beat at the same time, they screamed the same want and the same names, they screamed each other's name even all that was left was darkness and the quiet of their life, the missing piece, the missing Chan piece seemed to far away.

“I love him.”

“I love him too, but he doesn’t love us, not in that way, at least.”

Hyunjin curled up in a small ball, clinging onto his hyung, because for a moment, he looked into Chan’s eyes and saw what he desperately wanted and fooled his heart that he felt it too, love was an illusion, a painful one at least, a perfect and carefully curated lie that felt so good to believe. To believe Bang Chan had time for love was the sweetest one of them all.

✥------------------╚»★«╝---------------✥

[stayphone]

Pairing: OT8 (Bang Chan centric)

Genre: SFW, angst, suggestive

Warnings: sexual behaviour

Comment: I absolutely love this! I really like the attention to detail in this piece, it really conveys the emotions but also the care you weaved into it. I also really enjoyed the lore.

Favourite line: the last one is just pure perfection. Love the emotional punch packed up in one sentence. "To believe Bang Chan had time for love was the sweetest one of them all"

Tips: only advice I'd give is maybe trying more paragraphs? Because right now it's two main uneven blocks and I do think it might look neater/allow for a breather to process the block. Might be my preference tho (or the app and its weird formatting)

Overall, I cannot wait to read the next chapters!

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> Update 1.0

[ 30.11.2025]

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🎁 Stray Carols: masterlist 🎁

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🎄 Stray Carols 🎄

Just like the classic Christmas carols get stuck in your brain, Stray Kids are now forever stuck in our hearts.

Let the jolly Christmas mood seep into your fics and just like Skz, merge lyrics and storytelling with this writing event!

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Please write your work with it as inspiration! You can view it as your work's soundtrack or incorporate the lyrics.

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