[cwote]

[cwote]

Your pain, your happiness, your love. All of it is temporary and I think there is something beautiful about that.

[genuinelyshallow]

We will not forget those who supported Palestine. You are in our prayers❤️

[snicketsleuth]

A chronology/reading order of Lemony Snicket’s works

The works of Lemony Snicket are often a conglomeration of documents from various sources and authors, frequently presented out of order. The following article intends to better classify the aforementioned documents by determining when they were written, forwarded, read and later made available to the general public (e.g. “us”, the readers).

This list has two purposes:

it can be used as a reading order suggestion for people who may want to experience the narrative in a more chronological manner

it is an attempt to put various events in relation to one another and create a more coherent picture of Lemony’s life, particularly regarding the various documents scattered across Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography and The Beatrice Letters.

This list is neither official nor to be taken as granted. In order to make sense of the chronology, some arbitrary decisions and interpretations had to be made. If you do not agree with the logic of the chronology, please feel free to express your views in the comments.

A quick reminder on the abbreviations used within this article:

LSUA = Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography

TBL = The Beatrice Letters

FU:13SI = File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents

For futher references, please also refer to the timeline (Link) whose purpose is to classify events within the series which do not match the creation/publication of a particular document.

More after the cut.

Keep reading

[haleyincarnate]

I am so proud of little me. 

[kaileyjade]

I can’t anymore

How do you explain to the people that created you that they made your life a living hell and that your so riddled with severe depression and anxiety that you no longer care if you die?

[local-space-case]

i’m so sad and i feel so sick

i have a knife in my heart with acid in my throat and sometimes i think i might as well stop swallowing it and just let myself choke to death instead

[prabhagldyl]

putting all quarantine jokes aside,

a shoutout to all the children out there who are stuck at home with no food, have abusive parents, no friends and toxic family, and their only safe place was school.

[goblinwhispers]

The thing about having abusive parents is when you realize they are abusive, every time they gaslight you or say something cruel, in your head you are saying “Look!! See that’s abuse!!!”

But nothing ever happens. So you go on day by day knowing you are being abused but not being able to get away from it.

It’s really hard to start recovery when you are still in the middle of the trauma, the story isn’t over. So you wait and count off the days until you can finally get out and start putting yourself back together, piece by piece.

[klausmikkel]

How to lock your door

Me: So all you need is a fork and some pliers that can also cut metal. First you cut the fork in half and save the bottom part (the part without prongs) for later, you will need it. You take the pliers and bend the prongs at the tip, not too far down, just the tips. Now, with the door open, you put those bent tips in the hole thing where your door lock is supposed to be, and close the door. There should be some prong sticking out. Now, slide the bottom part through the prong holes, and viola you have locked from the inside without a lock on the door. This does not work from the outside though. To unlock the door you just slide the bottom part out again, and hide both parts somewhere your parents won’t find them.

My friends: What the fuck. The fact that you now that is depressing as hell. How bad are your parents???

[leecario]

[furiousgoldfish]

Breadcumbing is a behaviour associated with abuse, and it’s done to victims who are already bonded to abusers and constantly torn between feeling ignored, desperate, worthless and small, and holding onto hope that things can be good again. It can happen in relationships, but also in family, friendships, marriages, anywhere victim is reliant on the abuser for attention and care.

When you’ve lived a life of chronic neglect, you are starved for attention, but you’ve already learned you will never get a lot of it, and you’ve learned that things will get worse if you ask for it, or demand for it. Abusers take advantage of this, and give you enough positive attention for you to bond with them, feel fulfilled and safe, and then they will stop giving you attention, and wait until you become completely starved, desperate and lost in what is the reality of the relationship. Then, they will give you a little bit. This tiny little bit, will feel like the entire world to you, because it will lift you up from your doubt, anxiety, self hate, desperation, and you will feel hopeful instead, that this little bit of attention means more than it is, that it’s a sign that things will get good again, like they once were. The abuser then measures out just how far they can keep you around while giving you nothing, and when you reach your end, when you’re breaking down from neglect and pain, they’ll give you another crumb of attention to keep you hooked and bonded, to keep you living on empty hope instead of care and attention they implied you’d be having.

Breadcrumbing also serves as gaslighting, because it will make you question your reality. If you’ve been neglected and rendered invisible for a long while, you’ll start to see it, and doubt the relationship, and the person who is doing this to you. But, after they give you a bit of affection, or pay a bit of attention to you, you’re likely to dismiss all of your doubts and go ‘Oh it’s actually okay! I am getting attention! It’s going to be okay from now on! I was wrong to doubt them!’ and it will take a while before you can go back to your correct perception of this person. The abusive parents often do it after a kid has seen thru them, and they decide to leave - then the parents will suddenly act a bit nicer, do a nice gesture, give a little leeway to the kid, so they seem like ‘not that bad anymore’ so the kid questions themselves and their decision to leave. But it’s still only breadcrumbs, only a small, convenient act of manipulation after years and sometimes decades of abuse.

Breadcrumbing is often just that, abusers throwing what is easy and convenient your way. They don’t let you choose what you get, they don’t take consideration of your needs, they decide how much you’re worth to them, and it’s usually the smallest amount possible, and expect you to be grateful you got anything.

If you find yourself grateful for a little tiny bit of attention, if you find yourself bursting with relief that you weren’t ignored once, that you got a small bit of someone’s time, an acknowledgment, or a gift, know that this person is giving you breadcrumbs, and as relieved and thankful you feel for them, they’re way, way below what you actually need and deserve. You’ve been trained to live on next to nothing, so that a tiny crumb would satisfy you and keep you attached. That is not humane. A person who cares for you doesn’t wait until you’re in starvation to offer you a bit of love. This is done for their benefit, so they’d have to invest minimum possible energy or attention on you, and keep you around, often doing way more for them in return. You deserve more than this, and you deserve better. It’s okay to throw the breadcrumbs back into their face. You deserve every bit of attention and love that you give to others, and to not settle for anything below.

[furiousgoldfish]

Neglected children will sometimes go ‘okay time to dangerously deteriorate to see if anyone cares about me’ and then if nobody does, they don’t know how to stop deteriorating on their own, they’ll need help to pick themselves back up.

 And if that help doesn’t arrive, they’ll conclude ‘I was right to destroy myself in a world where nobody cares for me anyway, why should I live at all’ and it sets them on a miserable life path where all they see is chances for self destruction and proof of nobody caring, and from the very start it’s not their fault at all.

Because someone should notice when a kid starts losing themselves and step up and help. Children are not meant to know how to take care of themselves in an environment where they’re neglected, ignored and uncared for. Putting them in such an environment then blaming them for deteriorating is absolutely ridiculous. It takes paying attention and realizing when something is wrong and pulling a kid out of the black hole they’re falling into, before they can no longer crawl their way out on their own. 

It’s not acceptable to let children deal with abandonment and neglect all on their own, and expect them to not grow up miserable, resentful, struggling, and doing harm to themselves. It’s the same harm we never stopped them from doing when they were kids, when they needed to know that someone would care if they’re hurt. If we want functional and healthy adults in the society, we have to notice what is going on with the kids and make sure they’re helped in time. 

[furiousgoldfish]

if whenever your parents were nice to you, you felt this really unsettling, panicking, wrong feeling of ‘no, this isn’t right, now I can no longer prove that they’re abusive’, then congrats your parents were abusive

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Hahahahaha. This is way too accurate.

[fly-cypher]

PFFFTTHAHAHA

[one-abuse-survivor]

Things I couldn't do in my abuser's house that I can do now:

Take a bath whenever I feel like it

Leave my room whenever I need or want to

Leave the house and arrive back whenever I need or want to

Play music while I cook and dance and sing around the house

Step on the noisy floor tiles

Walk into rooms without peeking in to make sure no one's in them

Leave my belongings all around the house without worrying they'll be broken

Eat everything that's in my fridge without fear it wasn't meant for me

Choose what's in my fridge

Choose when the heating is turned on

Choose what to watch on TV

Choose how to organise my time

Arrive to places on time because I get to choose when I leave the house

Invite my friends home whenever I feel like it

Feel free to add your own! Let's spread some positivity :)

And for those of you who still live with your abusers and need to hear this: it won't last forever. One day, you too will be able to feel safe and in control in your own home ❤️

[furiousgoldfish]

If your parent is a covert narcissist, then most of the usual narcissistic parent information won’t ring as true, and instead you’ll be in a situation where you feel great worry, concern, protectiveness, desire to care for, desire to rescue, feeling responsible for, and longing to be acknowledged and loved by your parent.

Your parent was always the ‘weak one’, and you were the one who was strong, and there to protect them. There was a neverending stream of afflictions plaguing your parent – they struggled with the child care, they had a tough time being married to the other parent, they were sick, they were bullied by the other family members/people at work, they had too much housework to do, or the housework too hard and they were too weak to handle it, they worried about the future, they didn’t know what to do or how to go about life, they lacked support, nobody took care of them, nobody gave them affection. And you wanted to rescue them so badly. You were there for everything, if something needed to get done, you tried your best to do it in order to spare your parent the extra worry and work, you anxiously tried to help them as they were sick, you stood up for them when they were bullied, you reassured them and tried to take as much stress as possible on yourself, only so they would have to do less.

It never worked. Regardless of how much housework you did, or how hard you tried to ease the tensions or make sure they have the peace and care to get better, they would never be quite okay. And it always felt like you were so close to getting your parent to a place where they’d be fine, and then, they would finally have space in their life to love you. Because, in your head, your parent did love you, only they were always so preoccupied with their own life, they could never relax enough to show it to you. So they never did anything you did for them – they didn’t protect you, or stand up for you when you were bullied/abused, they didn’t nurture you or take care for you when you were sick, they didn’t help with your studying or chores, they didn’t give you their time or affection. And you felt empty, but you understood it was only because they couldn’t, they were never okay enough to do it. You had to be strong enough to handle it all for them.

Sometimes, they’d lash out at you, and say things you were sure they didn’t mean. And you understood even then, they only did it because other people were bullying them, and they had to lash out at someone. Or they didn’t understand it was wrong. Or they didn’t realize it would hurt you because they were used to you being so tough. You still believed that deep inside, they loved you. Hateful words from them hurt you immensely, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to accuse such a troubled and anxious person of being a bad parent, you didn’t even want to think about how badly this would hurt them. Getting angry at them was likewise impossible, because you understood just too well where they were coming from, and you felt so bad and worried for them already, you couldn’t even think about turning against them. You didn’t want them to have to deal with life without you, when it was already so hard for them.

It was next to impossible for you to realize that you were neglected, because you were the one who was supposed to provide care and solutions. You didn’t have love, but in your heart, the love existed, just out of your reach, just a bit more work to get it. And if it never happened, you blamed yourself for not being enough to get it. Abuse from someone who you were so worried and concerned for, doesn’t read as an abuse, but as action from a person in desperation with no other option but to lash out. Your entire experience growing up was the one of ‘unavoidable’ and ‘necessary’ pain. 

[furiousgoldfish]

If you still care for your parent just the same, the next part will be very difficult to read. But it will also offer some explanation for why you were put thru this.

I’m going to dismantle why this parent is abusive, and the first point is the massive and blatant neglect of the child. This person does not make sure you have a parent at any point of your life, and has left you to fend for yourself. They might start randomly worrying about you in front of the onlookers, when they’re trying to seem as a diligent and responsible parent, but in private, you never had a parent in them. You had a clutch in your heart that drove you to care, to worry, to sacrifice yourself, to make yourself smaller, to take on endless stress, for someone who would never even consider doing it for you. This is a pattern you are likely to repeat in life – worry, care and sacrifice yourself and wait and wait and wait forever to see if you ever deserve someone’s love.

The second thing, and for me, the much worse one, is that the ongoing victimhood status of your parent – is not real. It’s a narcissistic ploy to ensure attention. Every single problem they’re troubled with is usually something they absolutely have power to resolve, if they wanted to, but they played it up instead. They had to make sure people are actively feeling sorry for them, pitying them, never hold them responsible, and give them endless attention and care. If you look back, your problems of not having a reliable parent, being unprotected, neglected, unloved, and likely traumatized by how much of yourself you had to give away, were always more critical than whatever your parent was feeling victimized by. They managed to create an illusion that they’re more vulnerable and weak than an undeveloped child, more trapped and stressed than a child who was constantly forced on a mission to rescue their parent, more helpless and out of options than a child who had no one, nowhere to escape to, nothing they could do to resolve their pain. They had more say, more agency, more power, authority, options, support and influence than you ever did. They used this against you all the time. But nothing would ever be enough for them, because they wanted attention, not solutions, not freedom from their plight.

And the last problem is, that this person is completely void of empathy towards you. Regardless of how much love you gave them, they felt nothing taking their stress and anger out on you. They even made sure that thru all of these moments, you were too deeply indulged in the compassion, pity and guilt you felt towards them, to ever hold them responsible or call them out. What they did wasn’t an accident. Possibly they made sure to trap you, to discourage and sabotage you from getting away from them, to make you believe you couldn’t live without them, or they couldn’t live without you, because your freedom meant nothing to them. You were just the source of attention that was easily attained. Your life, in their eyes, doesn’t matter, except for how it can be of service to them.

These parents want you to always live in guilt for not being able to save them. They want you to feel so much compassion towards them, you end up feeling none for yourself, just as they do. They know exactly where to pull at your heart to have you broken, to make you feel like you’ve done them wrong, hurt them horribly, or abandoned them when you’re all they’ve had. But they will never be able to love you. Their capability of love isn’t there. You deserve that love. You’ve deserved it even before you ever started working for it, sacrificing for it and giving yourself away. You shouldn’t have been worked for it, or put thru trial for it, or guilted for ‘not doing enough’ for it. You were worthy from the start. If your parent had spent one day more preoccupied with you rather than ways of gaining attention, they would have seen you were worth more than all attention in the world. But they didn’t. And they never will.

Your life is worth more than being an emotional punch bag of someone who only sees a way to hurt you worse every time they see you.

[inky-galaxy]

To add to the fourth paragraph on the first post: When they verbally abuse you they can convince you that you really deserve it. That you are being yelled at and/or put under intense verbal pressure because you haven’t done enough, that you are failing to live up to a the “standard” they set (that they themself don’t even come close to). This can mess you up because it leaves you feeling like shit for days, as you try to recover and “do better,” over and over and over again.

Bonus points if: They get angry and scold you when you even begin to allude to the relationship being reversed, because how dare you imply they are making their child take on responsibilities they shouldn’t!?

[furiousgoldfish]

If you’re having a relapse or things are suddenly getting bad, after a period of feeling better, remember that trauma will act up according to the time of year it was happening. If you, for no noticeable reason, are suddenly having bad nightmares, or are unable to sleep, or are having extra flashbacks, breakdowns, anxiety, exhaustion, pain and other symptoms, try to think of whether you’re chronologically close to a traumatic event from the past. Maybe it’s an anniversary of something bad happening that is coming up, or a holiday or a birthday that used to be extremely stressful. For some abused kids, summer can be extra stressful because they often had to be home for months with abusive parents around.

It’s not always a relapse, it’s that our body remembers what happened to the exact time of the year, and starts expecting it again, or remembering and re-living it, trying to process the left-over stress and anxiety of it. It’s out of our control, and we can’t do anything else but to survive it. If you live thru this period of time safely, without anything bad happening to you for many years, it will start to feel safer and lighter, and your symptoms will decrease. You’re recovering every year you are not exposed to trauma.