so hi..
stdygal here. it’s been a while. over a year actually. when i was still active on this blog i really thought i would be in med school by now. i did get my 500 points and i was happy. it seemed fair for all the work i put in, but if you know the grades you need for medicine, you know that 500 is way less than enough. UCD was my dream college and i thought science would be a good second option and i had gotten my place in the university of aberdeen aswell for neuroscience and psychology but my mum couldn’t afford to send me abroad.
in addition to that during secondary school the people around me made me feel as though psychology wasn’t a “hard science” (not true) and i ended up not applying for any other psychology courses. in the end i missed out on science in UCD by 10 points. it was because i made a complete mess of my college applications (the CAO list) and ended up with my 7th choice out of 10 -- pharmaceutical chemistry in maynooth university. with how good my results were, i couldn’t say i wasn't disappointed that i didn't end up doing a course i was interested in and i didn't go to the university i liked the best.
i was hesitant starting college, i felt as though on some level i had failed. on top of that i was starting college with a very negative circle of people, who were catty and childish. i did end up loving college life and i began to love maynooth university; it’s new so it’s not prestigious or snobby, but the lecturers and the facilities are amazing.
but still there was a cloud looming over my head-- what kind of career would i pursue with this degree that i’m not even particularly interested in? even though i got good grades i wan’t passionate or motivated. i began to be increasingly anxious, and after a good few months, maybe around after the winter exams, i became depressed and my anxiety reared it’s ugly head. i wasn’t happy and the people i was with didn’t make me happy. the things that i did didn’t make me happy.
this summer has been a long long process of healing. of purging negativity in the form of people and things. the world comes from within yourself, so the way i see it, you have you have to work on yourself, on the inside before you can see the world around you change. i’ve always been interested in psychology, always played with the idea of studying it but i had this ridiculous idea that if i was smart enough to do something more prestigious (or prestigious sounding..) then i should. medicine is not for me, i’ve never wanted to be a doctor, i’ve always wanted to impress my mum and to make her happy. and yes, she would be happy if i was in med school but she’s elated that i got into the course i wanted.
i’m starting the psychology through science course in maynooth university this year and i’m so excited, no trepidation,no unease, and i want to come back on here and be active again, to make videos too maybe?!!
i don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed, i haven’t failed in any way, in fact i think i’ve really grown as a person and i’m grateful for this year and for the experiences i’ve had.
so hi, i guess? i’ve missed you guys!










