The amount of times of cried from physical pain does not match the amount of times I've experienced the pain.
I'm not counting the times when I was a kid. I cried the first time I scraped my knee, and I scraped it a bunch more after that, but I learned not to cry. Because I was a girl. Girls had to wear skirts. If you're a girl and you're running in the playground and you trip on your skirt, fall, and scrape your knee, you don't get to cry. The teacher blamed me for running. So I learned not to go crying to people. Crying is a nuisance. If it's my fault for running, in a skirt, because I'm a girl, I'd rather keep running and getting hurt and ignoring it because being a girl shouldn't hold me back.
I learned to suffer silently. I learned that unless it was unbearable, not to speak of it. I had migraines all throughout middle school, and I took Advil even though I had to chew it so I could bear it. A friend would always be helping me with my pressure points cause her mom was an acupuncturist. My mother told me I was being dramatic and I was just taking the Advil because she'd give me a soda after to clear out the taste because chewed Advil tastes absolutely horrid, but at the time, it helped me. Advil does shit all for me now.
Even when I came close to crying, because I was sick or on my period, my mother would accuse me of faking. I've never faked being sick, never faked a headache. I always have a fucking headache, and I've always gotten sick like I was dying.
I cried when I woke up from my brain surgery, and my sexist surgeon specifically didn't give me any pain medication outside of Tylenol because I was, and I quote, "a young girl". I didn't sleep for months because it hurt too bad; it still hurts when I yawn.
I didn't cry when, two months later, I had my wisdom teeth removed, cause I delayed that surgery to have the brain surgery and they had to be taken out before they fucked up my teeth. Even though they mostly numbed my mouth, they ignored me when I tried to tell them I was awake for it. I could feel the drilling vibrations and it hurt. I tried to scream at them with my mouth propped open. They had told me I would be knocked out. At least the doctor listened to me when I told them Advil doesn't do anything for me so they prescribed me hydrocodone. I didn't know that stuff was actually strong, they gave me twelve pills, and I stopped taking them after six. I only take stronger stuff to make the unbearable slightly more bearable. Advil has already gotten to the point where it barely helps anything for me, so I wouldn't want to make prescription pills ineffective too when I need them for the worst times. I've never understood drug addiction because the few times I've taken pills I've never felt any kind of high. I'm lucky to get any sort of relief from the pain.
I was crying when I woke up and went blind from standing. I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and had so much internal bleeding that standing up made me blind. The EMTs didn't take me seriously. I had a drink next to my bed and they asked me if it wasn't just a bad hangover. They asked my guy friend who'd stayed over the night before more than they asked me. They stood over me while I laid in pain on my bed, telling them the pain was too severe to stand and I couldn't physically move. Finally, one gave me a hand getting up. I managed to hold onto my phone and make my way out the door, and only when I was putting on my crocs did one tell me I didn't have to walk on my own. But bitch, I was already doing it, they were already making me do it, and by the time I made it outside to the stretcher, I was all but completely blind and deaf. I tried to tell them that, but they paid me no mind. They didn't take me seriously until we were in the ambulance and they took my blood pressure. Whatever the numbers were, it made them rush.
When I got to the hospital, it couldn't end quickly enough. They told me they were waiting on the gyno to get me into surgery. I wanted to tell them I'd wait for a female doctor, but I was in too much pain. Anyway, they told me they had to do emergency surgery before I went septic, so I figured they wouldn't listen anyway. They had me sign some papers and I don't even know for what. I couldn't process much outside of the pain. I kept telling them I needed the bathroom, but they said I lost too much blood to risk standing again, but they'd help me with a bedpan soon. They never did. I had to wait for the catheter. I was in so much pain, all over, I was all but begging them to knock me out already. I screamed anytime someone touched me and they kept apologizing. They gave me two of three doses of fentanyl and the pain was still unbearable.
stormborns
2087
gracieabrams
romaincrisis