The Flame That Ignited The Problem
— I haven’t argued with anyone at this caliber since I was in high school; 11th grade to be precise. After a couple of weeks of tensions rising and the animosity at its thickest, I finally ignited the flame to this cluster fuck of a bomb.
A small background about me. I’m not one for arguments or conflicts. I always tend to be the one who mediates the situation or be a voice of reason, but to be on the outside looking in, it’s a whole different game. If it ever comes to that point, where I have to defend myself or a throw a punch, I will. But best believe, as soon as it’s over, I’m right there shaking your hand and apologizing for kicking your ass.
These past few weeks, my brother-in-law and I have not been seeing eye to eye. Why you might ask? Because he’s overheard some of my more private conversations with my best friend and he’s come up with his own assumptions. This morning I was abruptly woken up with a kick to the bed and a kitchen light in my eyes. That put me over the edge. That, and the fact that my sister has taken this role of mother goose and the fun part is that this is not her house. It’s my older brother’s and not even he has been so strict as she has. The moment I struck the match was when I had asked a simple question to my niece (whom is not his daughter biologically), and he spoke to me in a pointed tone and I really was not having it. I marched straight into the kitchen with a level head and shaky hands and began to speak. He on the other hand began to get in fighting stance. That is when the real blood started to boil. Spittle was strewn around, fingers were being pointed, hands were getting colder and cuss words were running rapid. I do believe at one point during the argument I might’ve said some hurtful things. But at the end of the argument, after having a few minutes apart; he came back in and I apologized to him, man to man. I hugged him tightly and apologized for what I had said. I’m man enough to admit my faults and know when I was wrong.
But see, the thing is that, I came to FL from PR to help my sister out with the babysitting (a.k.a. nanny/manny?) I literally put my life on hold, so she could build a foundation for her family. After sometime being the housemaid; I grew sick of it. A few weeks ago I had mentioned to my sister that I wanted to go back home and she gave me the lamest cry, and then she was showing pity. After almost 5 months, now she cared? Again, I’m scatter brained. It’s too many moments and thoughts that have occurred to just place one. It’s been a chain of events but hopefully with time, I’ll organize myself and my brain.
My breaking point occurred not an hour ago. I’ve been wanting to speak to my sister and finally settle all this once and for all. But as soon as possible. So after she came home from work, the fumes had drained and my mood a little bit lighter. As she came in through the door, I gave her a smile and said hi. She literally gave me the biggest nastiest eye roll one could get and walked right by me. I was in such shock. Now, what I’ve gathered, you’re giving me the stink eye, after I voluntarily gave up everything I had, for you and your family? I always thought my sister was a selfish person; but all this took me by surprise.
I’ve always been a selfless person. Always thinking of others instead of myself. And for once in my life I actually think I’m doing the right thing and this is the treatment I’m paid back with? My best friend told me to speak with her before leaving, that I might regret not having that conversation with her. I literally stopped in my tracks and told her that I couldn’t care less and that if it ever came to that, she would have the honor of saying I told you so. But honestly; I’m done being the bigger man. I refuse to be the adult. The comical part to all this was that we had this conversation, three weeks ago and nothing changed. It all stayed the same. If she wants to put her panties in the right place and come up to me, I’m all for it but I’m done breaking my back, trying to do flips for them. These past five months have been a trial of tribulations and I’ve met every challenge head on. But this time around? I have no energy left to fight nor argue. I’m at my wits end.
In a couple of days, I’ll be picking up my bags and going back home. Back where I know there is love. Where my energy will recharge again and I can feel whole. But here, in the current status that I’m in, it’s not right for me. I’ve lost myself amongst everybody here.
I can go on about this but right now, I’m just exhausted. Physically and mentally. I need a hug and a warm bath.
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