The life and times of Stephanie Marie Shellman

My crossdressing journal

[stephanie-stuff]

Why do I do this?

I have been thinking about this question a lot lately. There are as many answers to this question as there are crossdressers out there.

When I got dressed up and went to a local mall, Why did I do that? What was I trying to prove?

Let's start at the beginning. I am a crossdresser. I have no plans to transition to a female. I just like to wear women's clothing and accessories. Let's face it guys' clothes are BORING! With women's fashions you have the different fabrics, dresses, skirts or pants, makeup, shoes and wigs. A lot more choices than for a guy.

How did I start? when I was a pre-teen, there were a lot of spy/secret agent television shows and in the comic books I read. These people were masters of disguise, occasionally dressing up as a woman. This is how I looked at the first time I went up into the attic and put on my sisters' dresses. It was me trying to wear a disguise. Probably didn't help that I watched "Some Like It Hot" with Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon dressing up as women.

Left this behind when I went off to college and joined the work world. I didn't get interested in women's clothing until after I got married. I bought lingerie for my spouse. I guess I got jealous. I liked the way it looked and started wearing the lingerie when she was working nights or weekends.

I have been interested in wig since junior high/middle school. I started buying wig at thrift stores or costume shops. I have owned a lot of wigs. Some real nice, others looked as cheap as they were.

Life went on and I got a job teaching at the undergraduate level at a technical school. This gave me day when I'd be home by myself for a full day. Got more serious into dressing, started applying makeup and generally getting the compete look.

This was the time when digital cameras were in their infancy. I did take some photos with a film camera and had them developed at a place far from where I lived. I have since gone through multiple digital cameras.

I did go out full dressed a few times in those early days. More for the adrenaline rush than anything else. The first time out and about was to a store that was closing, so I figured that I could get a bargain on some clothes. Needless to say, my hands were shaking as I was getting dressed, then driving to the store. I was during the day so not lot of other customers around. I did get "clocked" in that the manager of the store asked if I needed help as I was checking out. I guess he had to see the guy in a dress.

I did get aroused when dressing up, but that wasn't the main reason for the activity. I just liked putting on the undergarments, makeup, clothes and wigs. I knew I would never pass, but I tried to look like a woman as best as I could. For what it's worth, I've had a few admirers, so I must have looked decent.

The past few times I have been in public seemed almost natural for me. My hands still shake a little from nervousness when putting on makeup, but once out and about, I'm fine.

I guess the turning point has been the past year. I used to be afraid that there would be angry villagers with pitchforks and torches wanting to burn me at the stake. Years ago when I first started crossdressing, that seemed to be the attitude, This person was not normal in that they were wearing clothes of the wrong gender.

Now it seems that people are accepting of crossdressers or don't notice them.

Let me review the last few times I was out and about.

No. 1 - Went to a local lingerie chain store. The clerks had no trouble with me being there. The lady who help me choose some ruffled panties (had some questions about sizing) was very nice (she wore almost as much makeup as I did). Even had her take a photo of me. Went to Target afterwards and no one looked twice at me.

No. 2 - I had been working previous Halloweens at the local party chain store. I had been considering dressing up for THE holiday, but the timing was off. The manager seemed to be okay with the idea.

This past Halloween was working at a Halloween pop-up store. Completely different atmosphere. The store manager had told us that we were to wear costumes the week of Halloween. I thought I could pull it off this year, but was a bit unsure. The manager kept bugging me about what costume I was going to wear. Finally I showed her a photo of me in my Star Trek uniform. She took it all in stride.

The first day I was to work at the store, I came to work in guy clothes. The manager asked me where my costume was. Okay, if that's what they want, I'll give it to them. The next day I was to work I was going to go in guy clothes again. Somewhere along the line, my scheduled got changed to the afternoon instead to the mornings I usually worked. My spouse had to go out of town for the day to attend to a very sick father. So I got dressed up and went to work.

I walked into the store like I knew what I was doing. A coworker looked up and was surprised to see me. The store manager and her boss (whom I had met previously) both told me I as "looking good." I worked my shift doing what I had been doing the previous 2 months. Somehow I ended up working the check-out counter. Other than a balky cash drawer, no problems for the time I worked the register. Even got a couple of complements. A coworker wondered who that lady was behind the counter.

I had to work next morning, helping open the store. I was very nervous putting on makeup and getting dressed as my spouse was still sleeping. Was nervous until I got in the car.

The young lady assistant manger had worked with me many previous mornings. I walked into the store in my poodle skirt. She took a look at me and started to laugh. Did have a great discussion about rock and roll music from 3 young ladies that came to the store.

Finally, the big day arrived. Another nervous morning getting dressed. Wore my Star Trek uniform as planned.

The point of this long winded story is that I was dressed and none of the customers or coworkers seemed to care. If people aren't bothered by the way I present myself, then I'm fine with that. I just acted like I normally would.

No. 3 - Made contact with another crossdresser in the area. Met at a place half way between us and had a nice lunch. Waitress was nice to us.

No. 4 - My trip to a local mall to get some lipstick. See https://www.tumblr.com/stephanie-stuff/805363822588280832/a-little-adventure?source=share

Thank you for bearing with me in this long-winded explanation. I know it is a lot to digest, but I tend to try to explain all my actions.

[stephanie-stuff]

A Little Adventure

I had a little adventure yesterday (January 9,2026) and I wanted to write it all down while the memory is still fresh in my mind.

I'll begin with my S.O. strongly disapproves of my crossdressing activities. The only time I can participate in this activity is when she is out of town. Yesterday was such a day.

I had planned to meet up with another gurl, with whom I had lunch before Christmas. She was all for the idea of getting together and going to an area mall. When I was firming up details for our get together, I got no response from my emails and text. Hope she's okay.

So I got dressed with the outfit I had picked out, a dark purple dress with a floral pattern, garter belt and stockings, jewelry and nail polish. I had washed a couple of wig the day before, so I took some videos of me wearing these wigs, a blonde/auburn fluffy wig and the spiky red pixie wig I was going to wear while out and about.

A couple of pre-adventure selfies wearing a faux fur coat and it was out the door. I ended up going to a different mall than the one originally planned. A bit closer to home.

I parked my car and walked across the parking lot into Macy's. I used to be very nervous when dressed in public but not I'm at the point where I don't care what people think. People don't really notice me and go on with their lives. It's not like there are angry villagers with torches and pitchforks going to burn me at the stake.

I went to the woman's coat section and looked at the faux fur selection. Most of them were not my size, but I did find a dark brown coat that I tried on and took some videos.

What was interesting is that when I was going to the elevators, a mature lady asked me where the swimsuit were located. I pointed her in the right direction and when down a floor to the cosmetic department.

I was going to look at the MAC selection, but stopped and looked at the Clinique products. A very nice lady ask how she could help me. She didn't bat an eye. The original intent of this adventure was to find THE right shade of lipstick for me.

I told the saleslady what color palette my research had suggested and she showed me an option. She asked if I wanted to try on the lipstick. Why not? While removing my lipstick, she chatted me up, and fixed my makeup where a little too much was taken off.

She also suggested a lip liner to go with the lipstick. I was going to buy both, but it was more than I had in cash (NOTE: My purchases are done is cash because it leaves no paper trail.) I ended up just getting the lipstick. Talk about "sticker shock." I normally buy low-end cosmetics at Walmart/Target/Dollar Store. That blew my budget.

So off to the rest of the mall. It was very noticeable how few stores were still open. I guess the days of brick and mortar stores has declined. This point was reenforced when I stopped in the Lane Bryant store (A good place for us plus-sized gurls. Bought my first bra and panty set at this chain). The sales lady chatted me up and told me that this location was going to be closed by the end of the month. I continued to look around, not finding anything I could afford.

Walked to the other end of the mall, to J.C. Penney's. Found the woman's coat department. I fell in love with a long gray fluffy faux fur coat. Couldn't afford it. But tried it on anyway, taking some videos.

Wandered around for a bit longer, taking some more videos so I have proof that I was at the mall. Don't know what possessed me but I made a stop in the ladies restroom. Another thing to check of on my Crossdresser bucket list? There was someone in on of the stalls so I quickly checked my wig, took a couple of photos (if you don't have phot evidence, it didn't happen).

The next stop was Walmart. I needed some personal items from there. Again, parked the car, walked into the store, made my purchase and no one had a second look at me.

I was going to stop a a thrift store, but decided it was time to go home ant turn back into a pumpkin. All in all, it was a great afternoon.

[stephanie-stuff]

Introduction

Hello, my name is Stephanie Marie Shellman and I've been a crossdresser for a very long time.

Yes, this sounds like a Crossdressers Anonymous meeting, but I want you to get to know me. I'm a Midwestern gurl, live in Northern Illinois, north of Chicago.

I have a thing for wigs in that I currently own 25 of them, different colors and styles. I have owned many more and I'll get into that in another blog.

I also have a fur fetish. Love any clothing with fur. I have currently 4 faux (unfortunately) coats, fur vest and multiple fur trimmed hats. To me there is nothing more sexy that a woman wearing fur.

It's the start of a new year, so I thought that I would start something new. This blog will be a journal on different subjects. Just putting down my thoughts on different subjects. I do try to stay away from politics. DO NOT like politicians or lawyers.

I do have an account on a photo sharing site, but after about 10 years my account was suspended as some of my lingerie (another one of my likes) did not meet their safety standards. What I am thinking is that the site is trying to get people to buy a pro account. Being frugal, I refuse to to do that, having a free account for so long.