ur mother

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[stevejobshasligma]

So from what I understand, every single entry level job works like this: you get hired, the person who hired u, or someone as important, trains u the first day. What they tell you is awful, you think to yourself "I want to quit this as soon as I can" but you wait. After a day or two, you start to get trained by the other workers, ones who've been there for a while. They basically tell you to ignore almost everything you learned, and do it this way that makes perfect sense and is super easy and perfectly normal.

Then, after working for a while, the person who hired you notices how you're doing your job, and gets mad and yells at you and tells you you're doing an awful job and why would you ever do it that way it's unacceptable you have to redo everything. And then you do. And then you move on with life and they forget. And then it repeats once every month or two.

Yeah?

[stevejobshasligma]

Me at 1 am with work in the morning on my queen sized comfortable bed listening to soothing music, in pitch black darkness :

I need to do so many things I don't even feel the slightest bit tired I could stay awake for 5 more hours without feeling anything.

Me driving 80 mph in heavy traffic with my windows open and heavy metal blasting at max volume:

Mmrf, slpelepy

[stevejobshasligma]

At my funeral, I want them to deliberately drop the casket as they're carrying it, except inside there's a real, living man that looks just like me. and the moment they drop the casket, enya starts playing, and my living twin grabs the closest person and starts dancing a perfect waltz with them.

But you ask "what about your body?"

I want them to put my ashes in the confetti that exploded everywhere when my coffin gets dropped on the ground. That way I'm still obnoxious, even when I'm dead.

[stevejobshasligma]

I just remembered how I first learned what the word cuck meant. I learned it from reading Dante's inferno, when I was like 15. I'd definitely never seen it before then

[stevejobshasligma]

Wtf, Amazon let's you stalk their delivery guys when they get close to you. That's whack, rn my person is 8 stops away, what if I wanted my stuff early and I just found the delivery driver and asked em for my stuff.

[stevejobshasligma]

The worst part about ordering a package is when, on the day its supposed to arrive, you know it could arrive in 20 minutes, or in 6 days, and you have no way to know which one

[stevejobshasligma]

I just realized that I'm becoming the person I've been dreaming of becoming since I was 12. It's insane, because I've been seeking after these dreams of mine, always reaching higher, trying to be better, become somebody new, do something crazy, which isn't bad, but I looked back and I realized, I'm already here. I am the cool kid that I wanted to be so long ago. Ive overcome not just some of my fears, but also I've become so much more intelligent in the ways that I always wanted to be. I did go out, I did learn, and I'm still learning.

I've still got a long way to go, but it's inspiring to see how far I've come already.

[stevejobshasligma]

This is why I can never figure out what I'm hungry for. It tends to be all of the above

[stevejobshasligma]

It's so weird to break up with someone you dated in high school. Cuz like, I don't have their number or follow their social media anymore, but like, I still have their personal and school email for some reason.

[stevejobshasligma]

Cats and women be like:

[stevejobshasligma]

Why does it look like somebody just cropped john travoltas hair out and edited a bald head in

He is the least bald looking bald man I've ever seen

[stevejobshasligma]

Universities are always like "oh, you set up this account to view your entire college career two weeks ago and haven't checked it since? Yeah, we have 30 new security systems that you need to be enrolled in to view your OWN education history. But you can't set it up on your own, you have to call IT and wait on hold for 2 hours and then they'll make you feel dumb cuz you didn't set it up the first day it came out.

And every one of the new security systems are called dumb stuff like dingo or blinka and now you feel bad cuz how could you not know that your account wasn't connected to dingo yet so you spent an entire day just trying to figure out what credits transferred over properly.

And then you find out that out of your 80 credits only 50 transfered and your GPA dropped by .5

[stevejobshasligma]

I always wondered where the bosses that overwork their employees come from, and now that I'm working at a more intellectual job, ive found one in the fetal state. This coworker will always be like "ok, today is Saturday afternoon, do you think you can start this new thing and get the results by Monday" and, I'm just like "well, no, I planned on doing nothing today, like I do most days, but without the guilt"

[beggars-opera]

Your hometown has “culture,” but does it have a 13 foot, bright orange, bug-eyed t-rex with weirdly human teeth

[beggars-opera]

We are not the same

[vinceaddams]

Oh yeah? Well my hometown has this fine late Victorian lad.

An allegedly real not at all shitty fake frog taxidermy that tourists pay real money to look at.

[jenthebug]

We have BLUCIFER. Killed his creator.

[mommamoose-deactivated20250814]

My hometown has this massive Paul Bunyan statue on top of a Cafe.

[coveredincoffee]

I see your Paul Bunyan and raise you The Big Chicken.

[chicagoeggwhisperer]

I see your large poultry and raise you Communist Cookie Monster mural.

This guy was at the center of a citywide mystery that tore neighborhoods apart in bitter rivalries and led dozens of people to write an anonymous con artist on the mayoral ballot.

[utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat]

You’re right. My home town had none I’d these. Just a funky lookin clock.

[goat-yells-at-everything]

We have a drunken pink elephant with glasses.

And The Lauterbach Man (he used to hold a tire but it was replaced after 9/11. he also lost his head during a huge tornado about 10-ish years ago)

A large metallic Buck made of bumpers from cars that were totaled when they hit a big normal Buck.

Creepy Abe Lincoln at the State Fairgrounds

And the Corndog Couple.

Oh! And the auto parts store that has metal men ready to defend their property. Pretty sure they come alive at night.

[superbeans89]

We’ve got this fuckin thing. Everyone knows about Nessie, but Kingsley is the hero we deserve.

(Disclaimer: near me, not same town sadly)

[darklightescape]

We got fiberglass bison in random locations. This one is outside my favorite bookstore. Her name is Pearl.

[feebeeandj]

Big blue bug!!!!!

They dress him up for the holidays

But my personal fav is this guy. Covid conscious big blue bug!!!!

[goddamnshinyrock]

not a permanent thing but I was reminded of my hometown’s annual Festive Lobster Traps for christmas. there are lights on there.

[stevejobshasligma]

I see all of those and raise you my hometown's feet. Yes, those socks are painted onto the toes

[stevejobshasligma]

All evangelion fan media is pictures of shinji and asuka vibing to music or some cool looking robots. Yet the entire series is just Shinji being depressed and an extremely complicated plot line that never gets explained. How is it that somebody can watch evangelion and go "aw, I loved the part where they were all friends and had fun together" like, what show did you watch?

[stevejobshasligma]

The worst part about business emails is that you can't add lol at the end of every sentence to let them know you aren't hostile

[stevejobshasligma]

Ok so freaking in pythong there's a command arange, but the real word is spelt arrange. AND ITS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND arrange doesn't even LOOK like a real word ok, let alone arange. I keep saying arang in my head like orangutan and I swear I hate coding shortcuts they don't cut anything short other than sanity and I keep getting errors like "sorry arrange doesn't exist" well SORRY for knowing how to spell

If I have to code arange one more time I might just erase the whole program