lol at all the people whoâve reblogged, and keep reblogging, âforgiveness is not for them itâs for youâ as if itâs a trained response to any talk of not making peace with your abusers. Since apparently you need someone to explain this to you, your sentiment makes no actual sense in most cases. To expect every survivor of abuse to conform to this outdated idea of recovery is⊠weird, and you should think about why you so emphatically want survivors to just give up their anger and agency.
Hereâs another way recovery can work: rather than forgive an abuser for the torment and subsequent mess you have been left to clean up in their wake⊠getting to the point where âforgivenessâ is not even a question. What they did was inhumane, reprehensible, but you have so thoroughly processed the trauma that not only do you not forgive them their unforgivable actions, but you spend zero time and energy thinking about it/them anymore. Thatâs the nature of healing. Closing the wound. You donât need to forgive the sidewalk for the scrapes on your knees to heal. Itâs the same here.
Sure, if in your own personal road to recovery, you feel that forgiving those who abused you is an important mile marker, thatâs fine and great. Accept that itâs not that way for everyone, and that your way is not healthier just because it has been the status quo for so long. Itâs never cool or okay to tell a survivor that their recovery is somehow less than just because it doesnât look precisely like your textbook said it should, or because it doesnât look like your own.
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