..

he/him 07

[stillaliveithink]

Hello! I'm an African American transman. This blog is mainly for keeping a record of my weight loss and idk for the vibes.

After years of binging being my main coping mechanism, I'm finally getting back some control over my life.

My current fave movies/TV shows are House MD, CMBYN, The Truman Show, HR, and Dead Poets' Society.

Current fave books: Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson, The Chosen by Chaim Potok, anything by Brandon Sanderson but especially the Stormlight Archives series, A Separate Peace by John Knowles.

Wl stats

5'8" - 176cm, ftm, 18yo

Hw: 286.6 lb - 130kg - BMI 43.6 (4/07/25)

Sw: 283.3 lb - 128.5kg - BMI 43.1 (14/07/25)

Lw: 210.9 lb - 95.7kg - BMI 31.1 (25/05/26)

Cw: 215.6 lb - 97.8kg - BMI 32.8 (1/07/26)

GW1: 154 lb - 69.9kg - BMI 23.4

GW2: 138 lb - 62.6kg - BMI 21.0

GW3: 129 lb - 58.5kg - BMI 19.6

Ugw: 121 lb - 54.9kg - BMI 18.4

Ugw2: 120 lb - 54.4kg - BMI 18.2

Ugw3: 105 lb - 47.6kg - BMI 16.0

Milestones:

G1: 120kg - 264.6 lb ✅ (29/09/25)

G2: 110kg - 242.5 lb ✅ (8/12/25)

G3: 100kg - 220.5 lb ✅ (9/03/26)

G4: 200 lb - 90.7kg

G5: 180 lb - 81.6kg

G6: 158 lb - 71.7kg

[stillaliveithink]

I want to go to the beach

I want to swim in the ocean

I want to smell the salt

I want to be slapped in the face by the sea

[thekaleforestii]

i got got. 💔

please help me find my moots.

[stillaliveithink]

Just did three important phone calls and crushed them

#adulting #igotthisfiguredout #genzwho #outhereachievingstuff #gogetter

[worthnotwantnot]

i still snap into male performance mode when in some situations i’m not in often and i haaaate it

[stillaliveithink]

Other life updates:

1. Life is expensive

2. I have been eating anything and everything

3. My family is racist

4. My sleep schedule has gone back to shit

5. I'm bad at my job

6. I'm acquiring student debt

7. I got that explosive diarrhoea lettuce

8. Transitioning makes me feel like a joke

9. I'm hiding 80% of my life from my parents and family

10. Dysphoria is easier when you're not trying. It's easy to be okay with not being masculine when you're not trying but actively trying and failing feels 100 times worse.

11. Is it worth losing my family i Low-key have nothing else

[stillaliveithink]

Went to the pharmacy for testosterone looking like a womanly woman and defaulted to my polite customer service femininity and didn't even end up getting it because my insurance sucks ass

[stillaliveithink]

I didn't know that if I was a couple days late to renew my data plan they completely stopped me from SMS-ing and phone calls, even with wifi. I was expecting a medical call and apparently everything has been getting forwarded to my provider on both ends. I hope they call me again idk what's going on :/ they didn't save any missed calls or anything but even when I tried to call someone it forwarded me to my provider and when it hung up it didn't save the call. That's actually vile this has never happened to me before.

[melancholic-whimsy]

this is pathetic i genuinely want to die simply because i have tits . it’s a recursive cycle

[stillaliveithink]

So I bought a concert ticket for some stupid reason (dipped into my savings genuinely) and now I'm terrified that the artist is gonna do something really bad or be revealed to be a horrible person before the concert. That or the fans will be really mean because I don't have cool clothes and don't know all the songs.

[stillaliveithink]

Any low (ish) cal fast food breakfast recommendations?

[stillaliveithink]

So I went to texas roadhouse

[stillaliveithink]

I had the sandwich and it was kinda nice but also not because I was trying to make it lower cal so it was very dry and bready. Yeah I could've not eaten that. Now I wanna eat more.

[stillaliveithink]

I'm already over my limit but I really want a peanut butter jelly sandwich bro 😔 Like I know I should just write it down and have it for breakfast tomorrow or sth but I don't want toooo...

Like this feels big for me because part of how I made such progress was just waiting on those cravings and spreading them out and fitting them into my day but I really wanna say it's not that serious and just have the sandwich. But that's what I've been doing and I need to change if I wanna make progress.

But I'm also thinking I can start making proper progress tomorrow but that's not the mentality to have.

I'll probably compromise and have the sandwich and then go on a little walk

[stillaliveithink]

Wieiad

Breakfast: 387

One slice (⅛) of a frozen pizza - 160

A tablespoon of peanut butter - 95

⅕ cup of nonfat Greek yogurt - 27

A banana - 105

Lunch: 1,727

A burger - 630

Fried mozzarella sticks - 270

Marinara sauce - 15

An absurd amount of peanut butter chocolate ice cream (genuinely don't think I estimated high enough) - 652

A waffle cone - 160

Dinner: 400

½ a cinnamon sugar soft pretzel - 160

½ a salted soft pretzel - 80

Low fat chocolate milk - 160

Snacks: 260

A piece of string cheese - 80

5 pretzels - 25

A big ass apple - 110

Tangerine - 45

Total: 2,774 / 1,693

Maintenance - intake = deficit

2,193 - 2,774 = -581

[stillaliveithink]

I have such complicated feelings about my scars fading. On one hand I've been insecure about them forever and I've wanted to wear shorts and stuff. But also it kinda makes me want to relapse? And it sort of feels representative of how everyone who knows views that era of my life as a phase that I'm beyond now, when mentally I'm very often in the same place I just haven't acted on it in a while.

[stillaliveithink]

I just keep eating :(