[worthnotwantnot]

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please block if you don't want to see me!

MDNI: 18+, mental illness/vent blog

| TWs: ɛᏧ, ideation, vent, substances | DNI: if fatphobic, terf, racist, ableist

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⋆˙⟡ intro <3 ⟡˙⋆

- she / her ᛝ late 20s -

i always support recovery ❤︎

this is a diary/vent space

i usually don't tag my posts

asks are open, i enjoy answering questions or really whatever so long as you’re polite <3

i only follow back adults! put it in your pinned or something please!!

i may block if you’re not on “this side” (shed) of tumblr to keep my blog from getting the wrong attention. it’s not personal!

if it looks like i’m going through a breakdown it’s probably normal don’t stress pls <3

i post abt my life, mental health, etc. mostly just venting

sometimes i post a lot about not a lot, if spam’s not your vibe don’t follow

(more about me below <3)

dx’d: ocd, asd, mdd, gad, gender dysphoria

to be clear i do not promote or advocate for disordered behavior. i simply am ill and need a space where i can be honest about it.

i have been dealing with mental health issues as long as i can remember. the biggest spiral started fall 2018. im still working through it.

for years i was a daily(/day) drinker. i ga¡ned a ton of we¡ght & lost a ton of time.

sober from alcohol ~2.5 years & lost the we¡ght

thanks for reading ❤︎ don't forget you deserve love and empathy

[worthnotwantnot]

forgot i am simply chemically imbalanced ignore me

[worthnotwantnot]

i wish i could just fucking kms lol

[worthnotwantnot]

i did not take 2x bupropion today and i feel like shit

[worthnotwantnot]

when will it be my turn (to be put down) 😔

[lokihiddleston]

KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989)

[identitty-dickruption]

the problem with addiction is not that it's pleasurable. it's not "having too much fun" disease. it's not even a requirement for addiction that you have fun at any point in the process at all and to be honest it is incredibly common that no pleasure is gained from substance use. imagining that addiction is about pleasure does two things: 1) demonises feeling good (there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy/comfortable/etc), and 2) frames addicts as people who Like Having Fun Too Much. it's simply not useful to frame things this way as well as just fundamentally not being true

[worthnotwantnot]

lindsey graham beating mitch mcconnell to the obituaries made me laugh im sorry

[worthnotwantnot]

oh my god everything is making me sad again

[worthnotwantnot]

good morning i’m anxious for no reason

[worthnotwantnot]

me? lonely? no that would be cringe

[worthnotwantnot]

if i could just drift around as a spirit and observe other people living their lives i think that’d be enough

[worthnotwantnot]

i am actually not sure how many years i lost to alcohol after barely graduating. everything post 2020 is a blur i dont even remember what year i graduated

[worthnotwantnot]

i obsess over what i am looking at in the presence of other people to the point where i get paranoid about what they will think i am thinking about whatever i am looking at so i have to stare at nondescript things but not too intensely otherwise people will notice that too

[pathetic-rambles]

why can't i just accept myself for existing? is that too much to ask for?

[worthnotwantnot]

the way i am is not entirely my fault! (yay!)

it is entirely my responsibility though (booooo)

[jeannjuicee]

I just want to be someone’s true actual first choice. To be seen and chosen for once would actually be nice.