for my people

Canon divergent Clarke Griffin. Read pinned post before you follow! Usually online from 1pm to 3am (but working from 3pm to 8 pm) - Time in Italy

[stilltryingallthetime]

useful links:

rules // about // main blog. please read both rules & about before trying to interact, this is a wish-fulfillment blog that runs away from canon and that will only interact with a few characters/only write canon divergences that can bring up different sides of her/try to create stronger bonds, season 7 may not exist. verses page is always developing // thread tracker // wishlist // meme / open rp

[imagesbyele]

give&take-away

called this way because ‘giveaway’ implies I’m not getting anything back except here you are doing me a favor and I’m doing you half.

I wanted to 'train’ in making icons with frames/psds for my commissions blog, to see how I handle requests from other people, and I was going to pick OUAT as usual and post in the icons tags, but then I thought: why not also make sure it’s a bunch of icons that someone will want? So instead I’d like to offer a random batch (number depends on resources and time and difficulty of the request) of them to at least 3 mutuals.

Which means we must be following each other on at least one of my blogs: thecharmingknightemma, lurkingxmurmur, imnxtsorry, sosadandyetsoamazing, stilltryingsohard or imagesbyele (which is my commissions/free stuff blog, you should follow it for random things like this!) and then you can like this post if interested, if it’s more than 3 people I’ll pick at random. You can also reblog if not interested but feel like sharing for potential mutuals of mine of follow you! And reblog and like to do both!

( I won’t be mad/offended if you don’t want them, this is just a chance for some who might! )

I don’t actually predict lots of interest because you all make your fancy icons by yourselves, but I put the cap at 3 people just in case! Depending on how it goes and, again, my free-time situation, do more whenever I get the inspiration

where is the catch?

-they are icons so I can train and also so I can promo the blog, so they will be posted in the tag for other people to see/take, you’ll be mentioned in it.

-they are low priority compared to commissions and, obviously, my needs such as eating, sleeping, not dying of stress, so speed may vary. I’m allowed to play a videogame if mad at photoshop. 

-you have to pick either a type of icon or a psd or both choosing from the styles under the read-more. The more difficult the type, the more you’ll have to be patient.

-if your fc is super obscure and I can’t find screencaps anywhere, you’ll need to either change it, get a banner instead, or wait until I get a better computer and can download things or record videos easily

what do you get out of this?

-a random batch of icons made in the style you want, you’ll pick colors/borders/if there is a glow, a shadow, the size (but above 60px) -my love

under read more your choices, remember either just a frame, just a psd, or both:

Keep reading

[imagesbyele]

give&take-away

called this way because ‘giveaway’ implies I’m not getting anything back except here you are doing me a favor and I’m doing you half.

I wanted to 'train’ in making icons with frames/psds for my commissions blog, to see how I handle requests from other people, and I was going to pick OUAT as usual and post in the icons tags, but then I thought: why not also make sure it’s a bunch of icons that someone will want? So instead I’d like to offer a random batch (number depends on resources and time and difficulty of the request) of them to at least 3 mutuals.

Which means we must be following each other on at least one of my blogs: thecharmingknightemma, lurkingxmurmur, imnxtsorry, sosadandyetsoamazing, stilltryingsohard or imagesbyele (which is my commissions/free stuff blog, you should follow it for random things like this!) and then you can like this post if interested, if it’s more than 3 people I’ll pick at random. You can also reblog if not interested but feel like sharing for potential mutuals of mine of follow you! And reblog and like to do both!

( I won’t be mad/offended if you don’t want them, this is just a chance for some who might! )

I don’t actually predict lots of interest because you all make your fancy icons by yourselves, but I put the cap at 3 people just in case! Depending on how it goes and, again, my free-time situation, do more whenever I get the inspiration

where is the catch?

-they are icons so I can train and also so I can promo the blog, so they will be posted in the tag for other people to see/take, you’ll be mentioned in it.

-they are low priority compared to commissions and, obviously, my needs such as eating, sleeping, not dying of stress, so speed may vary. I’m allowed to play a videogame if mad at photoshop. 

-you have to pick either a type of icon or a psd or both choosing from the styles under the read-more. The more difficult the type, the more you’ll have to be patient.

-if your fc is super obscure and I can’t find screencaps anywhere, you’ll need to either change it, get a banner instead, or wait until I get a better computer and can download things or record videos easily

what do you get out of this?

-a random batch of icons made in the style you want, you’ll pick colors/borders/if there is a glow, a shadow, the size (but above 60px) -my love

under read more your choices, remember either just a frame, just a psd, or both:

Keep reading

[imagesbyele]

Hello! This is your chronically ill friend ele, maybe you remember me from thecharmingprincessemma/whydoyouthinkileft/imtiredoflivinginthepast/shewassoferal and many au versions of princess Emma, Jemma Simmons, Emma Swan, etc. since 2012. 

I need some cash for reasons (chronically ill, can’t work, poor family) and if you want the sordid details you can find them here, but whether you care for that or not, my big point is:

now I have a ko-fi and a paypal.me. 

while random donations are always welcomed I’m also happy to sorta-take commissions for icons and dash icons (starting to do headers/post banners too), and with ‘sorta’ I mean they’ll be paid through those two links and that I do some of the basic icons (colored and sharpened only) for free too. The blog also offers plenty more free stuff.  

the guidelines/examples of icons with donations for icons are here and here on imagesbyele. Watch out for giveaways! Also find in my prices page all the discounts and the temporary sales! 

Please if you see this post (and you can and want to) reblog it even if you don’t donate (which hey, 2020 was hell, I know we are all kinda broke!), thank you <3

[stilltryingallthetime]

**

I apologize to anyone waiting for replies but for now this muse is on semi-hiatus (which doesn't mean I can't pop up when inspired and try to get her going again or if a thread awakens some inspiration by itself I may reply) it's probably obvious but I wanted to warn people so no one will worry about me if they don't follow my still active main!

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

The grin Murphy had been wearing slipped off his face as Clarke spoke about spirits, if only because her tone was so serious. There was no hint of teasing in her expression, and though Murphy wouldn’t admit it, he felt a shiver run down his spine. Hell, there were mutated, man-eating monsters on the ground, maybe the radiation had somehow affected the dead and turned them into spirits and ghosts. “You’re shitting me.” Sure, they’d told ghost stories on the Ark, but this? Nah. It couldn’t be real. Murphy stared at Clarke, waiting for her to blink. And then - there! Her lips curled into a smile and he couldn’t help but give her a gentle shove, laughing in both relief and amusement. “Who knew the princess could tell jokes?” Murphy laughed again and took a sip of his beer. “I think I like this Clarke Griffin. She’s fun.” For once, Murphy was being sincere. He’d hated her for a while after she had banished him, and while he’d slowly been forgiving her for it, this was the first time when he felt like they could maybe be friends.

Oh he had bought it. He was beyond buying it, from the look of his face she had actually managed to at the very least creep him out, and she couldn't resist a smile when he tried to fight the idea of ghosts. It would be too cruel to keep going.

A short but genuine laugh slipped past her lips as she rocked back from the push and grabbed her bottle, "Who knew you'd be so easy," she retorted, and her smile widened, "Really, the trick is never joking, so people won't see it coming." As if that was her plan and not just that life never gave her the time to joke around. How long had it been since the last laughter? Moments before Jasper had been hit by a spear? But for her to joke around, mess with someone, with Wells, that was years ago. She had the chance now, she guessed. With Murphy.

"I keep telling people I'm fun..." she was back to her straight face, eyebrows going up as she took a sip, another little effort to show humor. And alright, this was really funny to her. Pressing play on the remote, she sunk more on the couch, letting herself just be. And another surge of hilarity came, at the thought of his poor face, and she vibrated with silent laughter, shaking her head. 

[allsonargent]

Clarke Griffin + favorite quotes [23/?]

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

Murphy had just taken a bite of bread when Clarke oh-so-casually mentioned that a man-eating gorilla existed on the ground. He stared at her for a few moments before chewing and swallowing the wet lump of bread in his mouth. “And you’re just mentioning this now? Jesus. Thank god I didn’t know about it before, or I never would have left Arkadia. But there is definitely something living in the ocean. Don’t think it’s a shark, but it’s a man-eater too.” He understood what Clarke meant, how any horror movie they watched probably paled in comparison to what either of them had gone through, both on the ground and up in the Ark. That was the price to pay for being born after the world had ended, he supposed. “You’ve just got to find the right horror movies,” Murphy said with a shrug, taking a sip of his beer. “Like, with ghosts and stuff. Yeah, it’s not real, but that shit can freak you out. Especially when you live in a huge mansion, almost all alone…” He grinned at Clarke, a teasing glint in his eyes. Somehow, it had taken a mutual feeling of being lonely to realize that talking to her wasn’t all that bad.

Clarke nodded, "We never had the chance to discuss it because Jasper was hit with the spear, but there is a big... snake thing in one of the rivers near our old camp, it bit Octavia... Most of the time when we meet those monsters they are giant and man-eating." They should have expected it, giant mutations due to the radiations, but it was still extremely disorienting.

And yet. Due to the newly forming camaraderie between them, when Murphy blatantly tried to put some fear in her, talking about big mansions and ghosts, Clarke chose to look perplexed, brows furrowing in thought as if she was considering it, before speaking in the her ordinary serious tone: "What do you mean it's not real? Did nobody tell you about the spirits of the dead? It's why there are so many torches and horses in Polis, they come out of the walls at night." It was said with a remarkable amount of certainty for something that was utter nonsense, the same way she'd discuss a war plan. And then she waited to see if Murphy would buy it.  

[thecharmingknightemma]

I don’t predict much being done tonight considering in one hour I’ll be asleep (in my defense I didn’t eat enough for two days because of how bad I felt, so I was very weak and decided to lay down instead. Also played pokemon go in my house. I’m out of pokeballs) And as soon as I feel a little better I want to go bother ooc people and talk about our muses more.

I just want to write this as a reminder to all of you, since this week it has happened MULTIPLE times: -you never have to apologize to me for replying to other threads and not mine, for being “slow”, for not writing enough, for writing too much, for not being online. Not only because I also keep things in drafts until inspired and reply to others in the meanwhile, or because the length of my replies changes depending on what needs to be said, but because this is a stress-free zone, I see roleplaying as a GAME. I respect other rpers, like I’d respect a friend I’m playing any game with, but it’s still a game and I don’t get mad if my friend needs a break, or doesn’t find something fun and we need to find a new game! -however if you feel anxious and need to make sure I’m not mad, do it. I’ll tell you there is nothing to apologize for. If you need it, you need it. Sometimes I need it too, especially when we don’t know each other enough. -it’s not for lack of interest in our threads, it’s that I prioritize my interest in your wellbeing.

(that said, because I don’t want you to be ??? confused about my rules, I do ask people to show A BIT of interest in our roleplay/threads, which means that if you are online sometimes you should start threads and not leave them all up to me, or at least comment on something ooc so I know you are not just replying because I send things but you don’t really care about them. But I feel like that’s a different thing, not wanting to be the only one who starts every thread and every conversation and it’s never reciprocated)

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

At the mention of watching a movie together, Murphy raised an eyebrow. This was the most interaction they’d had in, well, ever. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d held a conversation that consisted of more than two sentences, unless he counted the time he’d come back from being tortured and infected by the grounders. But he didn’t need to bring that up right now. “Sure, what the hell? Dunno if sharks are my thing, but I like the sound of a horror movie.” Grinning, Murphy grabbed his beer, as well as the hunk of bread that had been left out on the counter. God, when was the last night he’d actually sat down and watched a movie without worrying about anything else? Way back on the Ark with his dad, probably. Or, no, in the lighthouse bunker. There had been a collection of movies he’d gone through, but that had been different: he had been alone. Murphy plopped down on the couch once they reached the living room, spilling a little beer on himself in the process. He merely shrugged and took a sip from the bottle, then glanced over at Clarke. “Have you been watching these in between meetings with grounders?” he asked, actually curious what she got up to in her free time. Now that they were talking, having an actual conversation, Murphy found that he didn’t mind it as much as he thought he would have. Clarke was still annoying with her whole martyr complex, but maybe she could be talked out of it one of these days. She could do with being a little more selfish, and Murphy was the expect on that.

Hear him accept made Clarke realize she hadn't been sure he wouldn't suddenly turn hostile over her overstepping, but it seemed that Murphy had really decided to give this weird new interactions a go. She didn't know if he had understood it was her olive branch, her offer to not let him suffer from loneliness anymore, but wouldn't dare think he was more of an action and no feelings guy after his attempt to understand her. She wouldn't repeat her mistake of underestimating him.

Putting the food down on the coffee table, she looked for the dvd. "Yeah... Sort of. Brooding, too," she admitted in a lighter tone, something she was sure he'd appreciate, "Drawing, reading... but I noticed a collection of old movies and I've been checking out the horror ones." A hesitation, and a scowl formed on her face, "I don't think I'm doing 'horror movies' right. I'm not... scared, I just keep thinking it doesn't work like that or that they are all idiots, or that I've seen and done worse." There it was, the oldest movie there, shark on the cover. "I don't-I don't mean that in a depressing way. I mean I've literally seen worse. There is a giant human-eating gorilla hiding in the woods."

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

The touch surprised him, as fleeting as it was. For a few moments Murphy could only stare at Clarke, the skin where her fingers had been still warm. It seemed like neither of them were used to kindness, which, well, was another surprise. Murphy had judged Clarke from the moment they had landed - the princess, growing up in her gilded Alpha Station, daughter of a Council member. But she hadn’t had it easy either, had she? Her dad had been floated, her best friend killed by a little girl out for revenge. It would have been easy to feel sorry for her. And maybe Murphy would have, if he didn’t remember the way she’d looked when she had banished him from camp all that time again. “You’re not ruined, Clarke,” he replied, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice. Seriously, this girl just loved to beat herself up, didn’t she? Murphy had plenty of experience with that too. His lips twitched up when she mentioned hot showers. “Yeah, that’s a pretty nice perk. And the beds. It’s like sleeping on a cloud.” But then she asked why, and the grin dropped from his face. He looked at his bottle of beer, fussing with the label to buy himself some time. Why, indeed; it was a question he’d toiled with himself ever since he and Clarke had stayed behind in the mansion. “Because I hate being alone too,” Murphy finally said, meeting Clarke’s gaze again. It was hard, seeing the vulnerability in her eyes and knowing his reflected the same. But sometimes the truth felt damn good. “And I figured no one else would stay here with you. Although I think Bellamy was pretty damn close to volunteering.” There was that twinkle in his eyes again, that teasing tone of his; Murphy could never stay serious for very long.

He didn’t know everything she had done, Murphy had a penchant for missing out on her greatest hits, but Clarke was unexpectedly getting the feeling that she might actually help him catch up some day, if they kept having pleasant conversations like that.  Who would have guessed.  It was a light moment in the middle of a dark conversation, and when he brought up the beds too Clarke’s eyes went a bit wider, an all too ready: “Yes” of agreement following. Sure, hot water was great, but the beds? She had ever slept in anything so comfortable. 

Her previous honesty was repaid pretty quickly, and all the confusion she had felt over that turn of events was temporarily gone, replaced with the firm decision that if he hated being alone too, then she’d do her best to keep that feeling away from him. It was in her nature to want to give a hand, but in this case there was also the fact that Murphy was opening up too, a risky move regardless if she had started it, and that ruined or not she did miss the company. But where was Emori? Why wasn’t she involved in his plans of not being alone? Something must have happened there. “I found the movie Jaws.” First thing she had been able to come up with. “It’s a horror movie about a shark. I never had the chance to see it at the Ark... Want to watch it?” Was that a good first step towards telling him he could be even less alone? She wasn’t sure, but pushing herself to not be in complete isolation was going to be a new task now. 

[fanficspromptsandfun]

Types Of Kisses Prompts

1. Post Break Up Kiss - The kiss that catches both of you off guard, but says I miss you, I’m sorry and please love me again all at once without any words being spoken.

2. Early Morning Kiss - A kiss that’s a wake up call, its barely even lips touching, more like they're kissing your chin because they’re so tired in the early morning haze. 

3. Hesitant Kiss - The type of kiss where their lips touch a brush against each other’s a few times, breath fanning across each other’s faces as one waits for the other to make a move.  

4. In The Moment Kiss - Maybe it’s in the middle of an argument or you just looked to damn beautiful not to kiss, but their lips were hot against yours and it felt too good to stop. 

5.  Can’t Let Go Yet Kiss - The type of goodbye kiss when you keep leaving quick pecks on each other’s lips, but end up pulling each other back for more, which could go on for hours if one of you don’t finally pull away.

6. Empty Kiss - When one of you don’t kiss back, just the stoic feeling of their lips on yours, it’s empty, like no one even cares anymore.

7. Unbreakable Kiss - The type of kiss that really shouldn’t be happening, it’s a mistake, but you just can’t find yourself able to pull away.

8. Breathtaking Kiss - It’s the kiss that you can’t do anything for a few seconds after, you keep your eyes closed with mouth agape of you try to let your mind process what happened. 

9. Distracting Kiss - When you are competing, maybe playing video games or something so you press kisses anywhere available; arms, nose, knees, ears, knuckles, temple, just anywhere to distract them.

10. Quick, Goodbye Kiss - It’s the almost late for work kisses when their lips just peck yours, like an unfinished goodbye.

[thecharmingknightemma]

I don’t predict much being done tonight considering in one hour I’ll be asleep (in my defense I didn’t eat enough for two days because of how bad I felt, so I was very weak and decided to lay down instead. Also played pokemon go in my house. I’m out of pokeballs) And as soon as I feel a little better I want to go bother ooc people and talk about our muses more.

I just want to write this as a reminder to all of you, since this week it has happened MULTIPLE times: -you never have to apologize to me for replying to other threads and not mine, for being “slow”, for not writing enough, for writing too much, for not being online. Not only because I also keep things in drafts until inspired and reply to others in the meanwhile, or because the length of my replies changes depending on what needs to be said, but because this is a stress-free zone, I see roleplaying as a GAME. I respect other rpers, like I’d respect a friend I’m playing any game with, but it’s still a game and I don’t get mad if my friend needs a break, or doesn’t find something fun and we need to find a new game! -however if you feel anxious and need to make sure I’m not mad, do it. I’ll tell you there is nothing to apologize for. If you need it, you need it. Sometimes I need it too, especially when we don’t know each other enough. -it’s not for lack of interest in our threads, it’s that I prioritize my interest in your wellbeing.

(that said, because I don’t want you to be ??? confused about my rules, I do ask people to show A BIT of interest in our roleplay/threads, which means that if you are online sometimes you should start threads and not leave them all up to me, or at least comment on something ooc so I know you are not just replying because I send things but you don’t really care about them. But I feel like that’s a different thing, not wanting to be the only one who starts every thread and every conversation and it’s never reciprocated)

[stilltryingallthetime]

Helping My Injured Muse Sentence Starters

"Oh, God, you're bleeding. You're bleeding a lot."

"Stop squirming, I'm trying to help."

"Hang on, I got you."

"Just lean on me, I'll help you walk."

"We should get that looked at."

"Don't tilt your head back, you'll make your nosebleed worse!"

"Just sit up and breathe, ok?"

"Eh, you'll be fine. I think. Maybe."

"What ever you do, don't go to sleep. Stay awake."

"Oooooo. That looks painful."

"Oh, thank God! Don't scare me like that!"

"How the hell did you do this to yourself?"

"Hey, hey, stay with me, ok?"

"You stopped breathing."

"Oh look, it's alive."

"Take deep breaths, you'll be fine."

"Arms shouldn't move like that..."

"What happened to your leg?!"

"Yep, that's broken alright. How'd you manage that?"

"Here's some ice."

"You're welcome, by the way."

"Do you need an ice pack for that shiner?"

"Yeesh, you look like shit."

"Wait, you were mugged?!"

"Is that a stab/gunshot wound?"

"Ok, ew. I'm not cleaning that up."

"Easy, easy! Just lay down, you hit your head."

"You probably have a concussion, so I wouldn't be moving arou d too much if I were you."

"We thought you were dead!"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?"

"Can you walk on your own?"

"You're getting blood on my clothes!"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

If this was Bellamy, Murphy would have just rolled his eyes and left him alone to deal with his brooding thoughts. Sure, the two of them were on more civil terms these days, but Murphy couldn’t forget what had happened back at the dropship when they’d first landed. His relationship with Clarke was a little more…complicated. She had banished him, along with Bellamy, but she had also saved him from being hung, and seemed to count him as one of her own when no one else did. Plus, he’d seen what she had done to keep the others safe, the sacrifices she had made. Hell, he’d pumped Ontari’s heart with his bare hands just to keep her alive while she had gone into the City of Light; something like that wasn’t easily forgotten. “No one made you take that roll,” Murphy replied, voice lacking its usual snark. He’d only let one other person see this softer side of him, with its smooth edges; Clarke and Emori were pretty different, but with the vulnerability showing on Clarke’s face, Murphy felt that same protective instinct. “You could just walk away, leave it all behind. Or go back to Arkadia and let the adults handle things. That usually works out well for me.” Now he smiled, but it was softer than normal. “You don’t have to do everything and try to protect everyone. What’s the point if you lose yourself trying?”

He was trying to understand - he wasn’t really making assumptions, but whether he meant it or not he was coming off as nice, and Clarke had been even less prepared for that.  And after so much pain for so long, and so much solitude before and in between, there was a part of her that desperately craved that, that wanted at the very least less aggression. It wasn’t up to her, of course, but her lips instinctively pulled into a small smile for Murphy, sad but grateful.  A heart to heart with him wasn’t in the plans but it felt somehow right now. It did worry her how well he seemed to understand some feelings. She’d have to ask him. But first her hand reached out to gently touch his arm and squeeze it in a wordless thank you, head down because it was too difficult to meet someone’s eyes when they were being nice to her, and she took a few steps to te side, to place the plate on the table again just to keep busy, and in a moment of impulsiveness decided to grab a beer for herself too from the fridge. 

“This role consumes people. I’m.. already ruined, I’m not going to ask someone who can actually make it... one of the good guys, to become like me. It’s too late for me, so I might as well keep going,” the old discussion with her mother, good guys and bad guys, had never really left her. “I tried the walking away solution because it was all too much, spent a few months in the forest, but here I am. And anyway... I hate being alone,” she confessed, and then, to fight off that heavy feeling in her chest, she attempted to joke: “Besides, you have grown accustomed to this lifestyle. I have to keep working so you can afford the luxury of hot showers.”

She didn’t know if Murphy had watched enough movies in the Ark to recognize a common phrasing from the past, but it didn’t matter much.  “Why are you trying to help me, Murphy? If the other night someone had come to murder me in my room, I wouldn’t have hold it against you if you had just ran for it. After everything you know I’ve done... to you too.” He had tried to hang Bellamy, but he had never tried to hurt her. Was it because she had let him back to camp when sick?  

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

In the end, Murphy went with a bottle of beer, figuring he could take a hunk of the bread from the counter to go with it. There wasn’t much fresh food in the house; they had to either trade for it, or grow it themselves. But Murphy had no experience when it came to farming. Maybe he’d ask Monty for some tips when he made the journey to the mansion. They weren’t exactly friendly, but the guy was too nice to leave Murphy completely high and dry. He turned back to look at Clarke, head cocked slightly as he listened to her. “See, that’s your problem,” he said as he used the edge of the counter to pop the cap off the beer and take a sip. “You’re gonna weigh yourself down with so much of the burden that it’s gonna kill you one of these days.” Then he paused, narrowing his eyes slightly. After a moment Murphy set his beer down and took a step closer to Clarke. “Is that your goal? Are you hoping to bury yourself in it so you don’t feel anything?” Murphy didn’t know why he cared, but it spoke to something inside of him. The darkness that crept in every now and then, too potent for him to keep away. Like his time in the bunker, when he’d thought about ending it. He didn’t think Clarke was that far gone, but he wanted to know if there was that kind of darkness in her, too.

She felt so shocked at his words that it seemed as if the world was threatening to spin around her, her mouth opening but no sound coming out. It hurt to be asked, but she also felt weirldy seen even if he wasn't entirely correct; she wasn't prepared for that, and felt unexpectedly close to tears. "It's not... I'm not..." She had considered it, every now and then, at least enough that denying felt like a lie even if she thought she was doing pretty well lately. "Better me than any of you," she finally offered, and yes, even Murphy was part of the people she considered hers.    She looked away, from him, his suspicious eyes - that was one hell of a specific line of questions, what would Murphy know about that? Was that a consequence of the near hanging? She had taken a part in that, because Bellamy had been right, she should have followed the correct procedure and not go start a frenzy. "You know that's my role here," she searched for his agreement there. Torturing, killing, Tondc, everything before and after that, whether she had done it for her people or pushed by her emotions - like over Wells - she had still signed her fate. "I don't care what happens to me, or if it's too much to take, because... it's just me. But I can’t hope for anything except to keep being here so I can keep shielding all of you from... what this feels like.”  

[stilltryingallthetime]

rebellmade​:

It wasn’t the bombshell Murphy had been expecting, but he could see why Clarke considered it a secret. In the time he’d gotten to know her, Murphy had come to realize that Clarke kept her emotions close to her chest, like him. She put on this brave face - unlike him - so no one could see the cracks beneath. It was something he ( grudgingly ) admired about her. So even this little show of emotion, admittance of weakness, was a surprise to him. “You got it, princess.” Murphy mimed zipping his lips up. “My lips are sealed.” He turned to head to the fridge, but stopped before opening it, one hand on the handle. Turned back to look at Clarke. “It’s not your fault. You and Bellamy have this complex where you have to keep everyone safe, and if you fail you turn it into this whole thing.” He shrugged. “You can’t control everything. People die. That’s just the way life works, and you can’t do anything about it.” Not knowing if that made Clarke feel any better or not and not particularly caring if it did, Murphy turned back to the fridge and opened it, looking around for something good to eat.

The return of the old nickname surprised Clarke; she had almost forgotten about it and it brought up bittersweet memories: Finn's goodbye, bonding with Bellamy back when she could barely stand him. But he had closed the topic there, promising silence, and she offered the smallest smile, a hint of relief there because yes, now someone would know the truth, stopping when about to take her first step to leave because he was speaking again. She stared at him first, then at the plate in her hands.

Murphy telling her it wasn't her fault was unexpected, but the bluntness, the way he phrased it - turn it into this whole thing - his philosophy, was all just so Murphy. Should she bother answering? Were they having a dialogue or just throwing a few sentences into the void, in case the other listened, and meant to go back to their day? She couldn't remember having a serious conversation with him before, nor a peaceful moment she chose to spend around him. But it was a week of trying new things, it seemed. "I have to try. Even if it doesn't work... we can't give up on trying until it's over." They couldn't control everything, that was true, but she was too stubborn to just accept that and move on. "And if Bellamy and I try to keep everyone safe, nobody else has to carry the burden of what it feels like when we fail. If I could take Bellamy's too, I would. But as he said before, people die when I'm in charge. So he keeps an eye on the camp and I do... this." He’d probably get her point of view better if he had been with them in Mount Weather, when it was time to pull the lever, when she had chosen to leave. But his whereabouts had never been too clear to her. Where was Murphy, most of the time?