recovering

♡ | i'll find my way back | sw:115 | cw:96 | gw:87| days clean::0| ♡

[dying-human]

[m3thwhore]

you

you

you

you

leave me feeling so confused.

[stoned-to-bones]

i'm right back to not knowing how you feel about me, again. i hate being here. for this entire year (its almost july) you've been calling me your girlfriend, sending me hearts, saying pretty things. i just started to get comfortable like that again, to be comfortable letting you in again and loving you openly again (not hiding my feelings and shutting you out).

and then i found out that you didn't mean it when you called me your girlfriend.

you told me we're just friends after all.

but you're still sending me hearts and saying pretty things and acting like nothing's changed.

i guess nothing has for you.

do you talk to all your friends this way?

it hurts when you send me hearts and tell me pretty things, because i know now that you don't mean it, that i'm really just your friend. i don't understand why you still keep acting like you love me, still keep sending me hearts and talking like i'm more to you than just a friend. i don't understand why you let me believe all this time that it was something more.

i don't understand why you keep letting me love you. don't understand why you spend so much time pretending that you love me too. i don't understand why you keep pretending i'm your girlfriend when you don't feel that way. i don't understand why you're not looking for something better. i don't understand why you don't want to find somebody that you can love. (you're never going to find the one if you keep telling people that you already did.)

sometimes i feel selfish thinking about it like this, but

i don't understand why i don't deserve to be loved too.

[neverluckygoldfish]

15 -

Reflections on 30 days (yes, that’s right!!!!) of sobriety:

It’s okay to let things, people, ideas go that no longer serve me.

I don’t have all the answers and I don’t have to!!! What a relief.

Sometimes I feel low. Bad days happen. It’s all going to be okay. Most of my days are pretty good.

Take time to rest. Take time to rest. Take time to rest.

The other day, I went for a walk. There was a light breeze rustling the leaves through the trees and it softly cooled my skin. The sun felt warm on my face. The air smelled crisp and fresh. Remember this, because these are the moments that make me feel at home within myself.

I don’t need everyone to like me or even understand me in order to feel worthy.

My version of success is different from other versions and that’s okay.

I’m not behind. I am right where I need to be.

Money doesn’t solve everything. Shopping definitely doesn’t solve everything (even though I wish it did!!!)

Surrender. Trust in my intuition - my greater She within me.

Eating nourishing foods + drinking plenty of water + getting enough sleep = can change everything.

I can’t fault myself for being honest and living with integrity.

There is serenity in solitude. I love my alone time.

Quality over quantity.

How I treat others is a reflection of me. I choose to treat others with kindness and compassion, whether they are deserving or not.

Feelings are normal: doubt, fear, insecurity, anger, hopelessness - they are signals to look deeper within myself to determine what I need. There are no “bad” feelings.

It’s okay to think before I respond.

I don’t need to apologize for existing.

Everything I have hope for, will come.

One day at a time. Sometimes, one minute at a time.

A shower always makes me feel better.

Peace, not perfection.

Each day, a little better & brighter :)

[mels-wanderland-deactivated2026]

Rock.

The best part about Rock bottom is the Rock part. You discover the solid bit of you. The bit that can't be broken down further. The thing that might be your soul. At our lowest we find the solid ground of our foundation. And we can build ourselves up. Renewed.

[fifi-intheskywithdiamonds]

[stoned-to-bones]

looking down

[stoned-to-bones]

there are so many things i wish i could tell you, sometimes.

[monokoh]

[understands]

[understands]

[stoned-to-bones]

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little bit scared of the way you make me feel.

but maybe it's just the drugs.

[stoned-to-bones]

and here i am at 3:30 in the morning twacked out of my mind, ripping Depeche Mode's "Violater" album off youtube and feeling oddly proud

[stoned-to-bones]

i wish i had an identity apart from drugs

when i think about myself, and my history, and the experiences that define me, drugs are at the forefront of it all. asking myself the question "who were you?" is more like asking "what drugs were you on?" and i hate that. who was i over the past 2 years? i was a fucking tweaker and nothing else. before that? that was the time that i got clean (a good time.) before that, i was a heroin junkie. did i have a life or a personality besides heroin? of course not. who was i before that time? i was a partier, with a little more depth. i went to concerts and had a lot of friends and, most notably, did a lot of drugs. Coke and MDMA, mostly. At every turn, though, I allowed the substances I used to define me, and I made myself a loyal servant to them.

[de3d2me]

why so gray

[stoned-to-bones]

xx

[stoned-to-bones]

Sometimes--most of the time--I wish I'd wake up to find that the past two years had just been a bad dream. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I've lost so much in that time.

[stoned-to-bones]

that warm pink bath, dope and dirty hotels

[beautifugly]

idk if those “spells” work but………. somehow it’s working, is it a placebo? anyways 10 lbs weight loss spell!

like to charge

reblog to release

[stoned-to-bones]