The entire palace was bathed in a quiet peacefulness, just the kind of Cordelia had yearned for months now. Each member of the household had successfully played their part abroad — Aura’s position remained neutral despite the arranged betrothal of one of their princesses to Solis’ prince. The unwavering eagerness had the Queen talking enthusiastically about making it her most important duty to hire a dressmaker as soon as they set foot back home.
In sickness and in health - how was she meant to be ready speak those words when she never was a woman to lightly make a promise? She was still pretending to be Cordelia and staying loyal to that one promise, after all, in the princess’ sickness and health, death or life. Those would never be just ceremonial words with distant implications on such a bright day and brushed over in a rush of happiness. And now guilt was beginning to sink in — could she pity Lucien for allowing to be deceived like the rest? She wanted to make everyone in her kingdom proud but she wasn’t selfish enough not to pray the prince would take a step back and leave that game of deception before making such pledge.
Cordelia let her eyes survey her surroundings in her disquietude, sweeping them over her large four poster bed. The sheets were clean and smooth, evidence of how much sleep she had been able to get. Over her dressing table, the deliciously frivolous golden framed mirror, a sea of powders and jewelry boxes laying splayed before the silver surface. She caught a quick glimpse of her reflection, or at least the distorted image of herself and a shiver moved down her spine.
Oh, she was not feeling herself today.
Marguerite had yet to decide if she was relieved for the peace of the day, or if she hated that it was so quiet. Least if it had been busy then she could have stayed distracted and not have to actually think about what this day was. But then that risked the threat of if she broke down in front of everyone. She knew that realistically she could just claim that it was because she missed any one of her dead husbands. She had enough to choose from to make it believable, and as of yet no one really doubted her when she said how much she missed them. That was safer, because if she ever truly revealed what had broker her heart and turned her into the woman she was today, then there would be no escape. She had to carry that burden alone, and for a long time she had to mourn the man alone. Even her current husband had no inkling of just what had affected her so badly, and she had no intentions of telling him. He was nice enough, and for now she needed him to stay alive. He was too young for her to claim it was just old age that had killed him, and he definitely didn’t drink enough for that to work. That would not stop her keeping her heart closed off from him.
For so long, things had been so easy. She had thought she could keep going, get into a position in court where she would never have to question her safety again. Obviously people looked down on her, she was just a commoner who had married well. She could ignore their comments, just as long as she kept her position. The moment that she had first seen Juliet there though. She could pretend that she didn’t know what was going on, and pretend that the girl was the princess. She would do so whatever it took to ensure that no one ever called the girl out, and that no one ever saw anything other then what the world needed to believe. She had got good at that. But then seeing Juliet… she looked so much like her brother. Not identical, but there was enough that sometimes, she’d look up and for a brief second she was convinced that it was Jacques who was standing there. As if the man had never really died, and then she was left with the realisation once again that the man was dead and buried. He would be little more then dust by now, a fate that awaited all of them, but one she was not ready to face herself.
She was shaken from her thoughts when she realised it was the princess standing there. She offered a soft smile, though she was aware that it didn’t meet her eyes. She could only hope that today of all days the other girl would understand. She just couldn’t pretend to be something she wasn’t, no today. She could still remember the day that the soldier had come. She had refused to believe that it could be possible, that Jacques had been taken from all of them, right up until the moment that the words had left his lips. She couldn’t remember much else at that moment. Someone had grabbed onto her, held her closely and tried to help her to a sear. But all she could feel was her heart shattering inside her chest. To this day she wasn’t really sure that it had ever repaired itself, more just being hold together by the act that she needed it to beat to live. If not for that, then she was sure that she would have just given up a long time ago. She didn’t know what else to do. How were you supposed to get over someone who you never thought you would need to get over? She had been planning to spend the rest of her life with him, and now she was just trying to live alone. Everything she had planned had been lost to her. And it was all because the King had wanted soldiers. Her life was destroyed, and for what? It had never come to anything.
“Thank you” she replied, on receiving the tea. It was calming, a link to the reality they were now living in, and something that she actually needed right now. “I don’t believe it’s only me who needs a good night sleep” she replied softly, the other girl looked so tired to her. But then she wasn’t really surprised by that, not when she had to put up with so much. She looked down for a moment as the other said she needed to get away. She understood that. She wanted nothing more than to visit her husband, he true husband, not the ones who had come after. They had just been men she had shared a bed with in her eyes. “I know” she replied, was it even possible for them to do that? To get away. Easier for her maybe, but Juliet was now a princess. It would be noticed if she simply wasn’t there. “Of course, besides it is a better cover isn’t it? You accompanying someone else rather then visiting a…” she couldn’t finish that sentence. She couldn’t call him a commoner, even if she knew that in everyone’s eyes, that was all that he would ever be seen as. But this way they could both go, and no one would think anything of it. Just the princess being kind, which really could only be counted as a good thing for all of them. She didn’t know how bad things had become, only that war would come.
